Its Eyes Were Jewels
by Zhelanie
Summary: Finding herself suddenly without Hold or family, Elrenia sets herself on a journey to find peace and justice wherever it may be. Set in the 9th pass.
1. Prologue

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Prologue**

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_**As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being. **_

_And yes, well, I tend to not do the whole fanfiction thing, but this idea has been working it's way through the crevices of my mind for years now. It's about time that it sees the light of day, I think. _

_As this is my first bit of fanfiction ever, I'd greatly appreciate any constructive criticism you guys can give. Regardless, please R&R. I love that stuff._

_Warning in this chapter for the implication of Rape._

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The taste was thick in the air, overwhelming in its ferocity. Almost chalky in a way that only ash ever is, bitter against the tongue and spicy to the nose. She just stared at the flames, unable to move from her spot on the tall hill. That's what she'd called it since childhood, the rise that overlooked her father's Hold in its entirety. The tall hill, in her younger years, had been something like a very small mountain. It was a very small mountain that suddenly seemed tremendous. No matter whether she ran down it toward the Hold or away from it, it was too late to stop what was happening.

She could see clearly from her vantage point that the flames had spread from the walls of the Hold to the fields, carelessly destroying the only livelihood they'd ever had – ever could have. They were simple farmers, with no extraordinary talents to their credit. For the most part they weren't musically inclined, though no one could accuse the lot of them of being tone deaf. They couldn't breed, animal or vegetable, none had the careful touch it required. They weren't particularly skilled healers. They weren't tough enough for mining or smithing. But they did what they could, and were content with what it provided them. And, with careful cultivation over nearly eight generations, it provided well. _Had_ provided well, at least, until she came upon it burning to the ground.

However the realization that everything her family had ever worked for was suddenly ruined didn't bother her as much as the _day_ it was occurring. Any other sevenday of the month, the _turn _would have done. _Any_ other day save for this one, the _one_ day that they came to visit. The only day out of the turn that everyone gathered. The one day that the children came. The Children.

They were the only thing in her mind as she was tackled to the ground about her waist. Eight innocent children had been in that house, and she couldn't have cared less that she was being hit across the face. They'd been in there, obediently sitting for their daily lessons in the Hold that was smoldering in the distance, and she barely registered that her tunic was being pulled at. It didn't matter. She kept her head turned to the side, staring at the sacrilege that was the destruction of her Hold. Emotionless through her violation. Apathetic in the aftermath as she was spat upon and kicked viciously. Told to stay like the wherry she was, or a burned home would be the least of her troubles.

Troubles? He knew nothing of troubles as she imagined the charred little bodies of her nieces and nephews, trusting in the promise that they would be safe in the Hold as she went to handle troubles. The son of a nearby Holder that wished to speak with her, but she would return before their lessons were done. He was a potential Holder himself, who had been courting her for months without so much as speaking to her patriarch, far off as he was on business. He'd been requesting her hand for about as long as he had been courting her, coveting her soft spoken nature and generally obedient grace to no prevail. She would not consider him before an audience with her uncle. There was the matter of the Hold to care for before marriage could even be considered, and she would not shirk her responsibilities.

Now she had no responsibilities to shirk, it seemed, and so there was no reason for her to deny his advances. Except his attack made it apparent that he didn't care for _her_ nearly so much as he cared for the pleasure her skin could provide. By his hand she no longer had a Hold or family. She was alone in the world, presumed dead as no single body would be identified in from a fire of that size and intensity, so he would have her whether she wanted him or not with little fear of consequence.

He fully expected her to stay put as ordered, and in the horror that seized her mind at the sight burned into her mind's eye she almost did. He'd warned her that this was inevitable. She would be his no matter what measures were required in order to get her. But she had not listened to him, his warnings, or his threats, and so innocent blood had been spilled by her conceit. For several long moments she lay there until a cold wind tossed her hair in the way of the horrible vision before her, and she realized the gravity of what she'd inadvertently done.

It hurt to sit up, but she knew instinctively that it was the first step toward escape. It pained her to readjust her clothing, but she knew it was necessary to cover herself, hide the proof of her abuse if only for the moment. But the worst ache of all came from levering herself to her feet, eyes purposefully averted from the destruction to the west of the tall hill. She would not look at it again. Doing so would only steal her resolve, and she'd be frozen once more, left to the mercies of a murderer.

She would not have it! She would not willingly allow herself to be subjugated further, but hadn't the faintest idea as to an appropriate way to avoid it. The inevitable. It was the inevitable. He would have her no matter what, and there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop it. The Lord's Hold was a good sevenday's east, and no lesser Holder would prevent _him_ from retrieving her. The waters were too far off to toss herself into, the mountains too steep to climb, and as her first step was made with a quavering grace she had a fantastical notion of sacrificing herself to the thread due soon to fall.

_No_, she told herself curtly, shaking her head sharply as though to imprint the command. _You will not_. It was not an option. Death was not an option. _You will walk, and walk, and walk until you find protection. You will walk until you find a place safe from him. You will walk until there is no land left to walk on all of Pern, and only then may you consider an alternative._


	2. Chapter 1

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 1

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_**As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**_

_I'm planning to update this once a week, if not more, just so you guys know._

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The walk, she supposed, wasn't too difficult. She was well accustomed to hard work, spending her days tending the fields alongside her brothers, taking care of the hold in the long absence of her mother. Sleepless nights and aching feet were no stranger to her, though she did perhaps worry when the ache faded to an absent numbness. Once every hour or so a step would be jarring enough to send a sharp spike of agony from the tips of her toes to the pit of her stomach, informing her that not all was right in the world, though she never once stopped her progression to see to the problem. To stop would be to lose her head start, and to do that would be to throw herself on his blade.

_Stop_, she instructed calmly. _Don't think of him._ To do so would be opening herself up to a wave of emotion she knew she could not currently handle. _Just walk_. So she did. Though she fell several times, as fatigue darkened her world around the edges and thirst burned her throat, it was with a tightly controlled determination that she pulled herself back to her feet each time. It was through sheer force of will that she continued, slicing through the darkness to the light, and then back to the darkness.

She supposed it was just in her mind, because the wind was blowing to the west and she'd already walked the length of two large Holds, but she could still smell the smoke coming from the charred remains off her Hold in delicate swirls. She could smell the herbs in the dry-room flaming sweetly even as charred hair and fur poisoned the air. She could smell it, see it happen, hear the cruel crackling of the flames even as she heard the imagined cries of the little ones begging for help.

_Stop!_ The simple word was a demand this time, banishing horrible images that the twilight of early morning put behind her eyes. _Stop!_ Because there was an odd burning about her throat that had nothing to do with thirst, and wetness to her eyes that had nothing to do with the sharp winds. She would save her crying for after she could find justice, and the moment the thought entered her mind it became a promise. An order. A _command_. She would not, under any circumstances, cry. Not if she could help it. Not until she was able to show the true colors of a murderer to all those that deserved to see it.

Her stride quickened as she considered this, even more so as her hair whipped into her face when the winds changed directions. She found herself running. There was no energy left with which she could stand, but somehow she ran. For a moment she was a child again, slipping through the tall grasses in the fields by the big lake in a race against her closest sister, laughing wildly that she was like a dragon. Cutting through the grass like the wonderfully terrifying creatures sliced through the air. She was a child once more up until the moment her foot found an unlevel piece of ground, and she tumbled.

The momentary weightlessness that came with the two foot drop off of an incline forced her back into herself, reminded her of her mission and the fact that the present was the most important piece of her life even as her arms were skinned against the rocks beneath her. In the distance she could see a tree line, the beginning of a patch of forestry that extended a day's casual walk there and back. She'd made the walk in the past, while traveling with her father on an errand, but they'd had runnerbeasts then to smooth the way. She thought hard about the distantly familiar location and thought that beyond the trees sat a small but formidable Hold with its very own Harper.

_This_, she thought vaguely, _could save me._ She refused to entertain the notion that it could simply make things more difficult. Didn't want to consider failure until it was staring her in the face. Whether the quickly forming plan would work depended almost entirely on the sensibilities of the Harper and the Holder. _The Holder more than anyone else_, the sensible part of her mind informed her. If the Holder had even the slightest predilection to hostility or paranoia he could throw her out before she so much as stepped past his threshold, no matter what the Harper's honest opinion may be.

But it was a risk she was willing to take. She needed to travel through his lands whether she visited his Hold or not and there was no harm to come from playing to his softer, gentler side. Though it was on good faith alone that she even _hoped_ he had a good side to him, a side that was sensitive to young beaten women, and would be willing to help her even just a little. A simple drum message, sent by the Harper would have done her well, but then she needed to wonder _where_ he'd get the message out from. Small Holds didn't have drum heights the way the larger ones did. Small Holds didn't have half of what the larger ones did, and the realization was sobering.

Even if the Holder _was_ kind enough to take her in, she could not stay long. Going at all would put them in danger if _he_ had decided to pursue her the way he threatened. He said she would never escape him. She _belonged_ to him, and no matter where she went he would find her and remind her why her total obedience was required. She knew that it was, perhaps, selfish to go request sanctuary at another's Hold when she knew the dangers, but the thought of being caught out in threadfall made her stomach turn and clench in a visceral terror. Romantic as the thought of such a sacrifice would have been when she out of her head with sorrow, with her mind back in working order it was sickening.

Before any of that mattered, however, she needed to get through the forest. It wouldn't be a particularly easy trek, if her memory served her well. The area was dense, thick with foliage whether it was ankle high or taller than the tallest man could reach while standing on his toes. There was a path cutting through it, but the trick was finding it, and she hadn't the slightest clue how to. She had even less of an idea when by the time she reached the trees the skies were turning the dark red of dusk. She hadn't gotten a dragonlength in when the darkness was again encroaching, and she wanted to cry as the floor seemed to reach up and grab at her legs, gripping her about the ankles to throw her to the ground with a painful violence when she tried to march on.

Four times she fell before she could feel blood soaking through her leggings at the knee, right ankle wrenching when she tried to pull it from beneath an offending root. She could barely make out its gnarled shape in the light from the moon, filtering dimly through the leaves. It was just enough light to walk by if she could force herself to stand again, and though it was a trying task she did. Forced herself to her feet and stepped carefully over another reaching root to avoid a fifth accident.

Her ankle was screaming for her to cease movement. No human being should walk as far or long as she had without rest, without food and water. But it wasn't until the blur of her vision failed to make out shapes in the minimal light that she reached to the side, touching the bark of a tree to slide to the ground before it. Her body screamed for sleep as she felt the ground carefully first for anything that may accidentally hurt her, and then for a weapon to use in case _he_ came upon her in the dark. Hand closed tightly around a loose branch and her body cried out in relief as she sat, feet pulsing a countermeasure to the beating of her heart as she stretched out her legs for a moment before curling them to the side. It seemed that every inch of her body had an unholy ache, but her mind would not settle enough to sleep. Too haunted was it by memories of the last few torturous days, visions of a horrifying future.

Her mind could not conjure up anything but pain and desecration. Every memory of her Hold that she tried to bring to mind, once near and dear to her heart, had a bittersweet glow suddenly. The remembered taste of her mother's bubbly pies found itself tainted with the memory of the woman's death during her tenth turn. With her eldest sister married, and the others off with cousins she took care of the chores, a role that she continued even after her sisters returned home.

She lost her chance to present herself to possible suitors because of the death of her mother, and while she felt no ill toward her family for it, she found herself regretful that it opened the door to _his_ advances. Her eldest brother and every sister down to the one closest to her own age was married and away from home before she was even fifteen, and it was not a year later when her father fell suddenly ill and died, leaving her only remaining brother in charge of Hold and lands.

She shook her head sharply, ridding herself of emotions unfit for her situation. She could not think of death when she could still taste ash. She could not remember beloved family members when the memories of them tightened her throat. The time for mourning would come later, in the meantime she wished her mind would quiet into sleep, but it wouldn't. Bubbly pies mixed with ash and death on her tongue, in her nose, and no matter how deeply she dug her face into her hands the sensation would not leave her to rest.

"Stop it!" she cried into the night, receiving naught but a gust of wind in reply. "Leave me!" this was a croak. "I beg you." But even as exhaustion finally overrode the activity of her mind, she could not escape the visions. The vivid image of her brother astride his prized Ruathan runnerbeast, blue eyes bright and laughing as he flagged her down from the field she tended to inform her of a trip he was required to make to the East. He would not go far, and he would not be long, but he knew he could trust her to tend the Hold while he was absent.

And trust her he did, to tend the Hold through two seasons with only minimal help from her father's youngest brother, the only surviving male from that side of the family within a few days travel. She could still remember finding him, four days after his departure, head smashed against the trail where he fell beneath his runner as it bolted in fright of something the very day he left home. The news of his death came to her from her closest neighbor, the man her brother was going to see, the one who'd been vying for her affections since she was barely thirteen, the one who burned her Hold to the ground and everyone inside with it, the one who, undoubtedly, killed her brother that summer.

The thought hadn't occurred that day, but weeks later when _he_ rode toward her through her finely tended fields with a request and an offer. "Marry me," he'd said, "and I will be sure this Hold is well taken care of for years to come."

She'd said no. Her response had been too quick though, too much like she was recoiling, and so she hesitantly softened the blow with, "You must speak to my uncle when he visits after the first frost. He always comes right after the first frost. If he agrees to your offer, then we can discuss marriage." At the time, he'd seemed assuaged by her offer, but every sevenday he returned on runnerbeast to renew his advances, hoping against hope that her opinion had changed in the day's he was gone.

She'd been vaguely flattered by his insistence. A silly, romantic part of her brain believing that it meant perhaps he loved her. But she'd lost one sister to a man not worthy of wife or child, and was not about to make an example of herself. These things needed to be thought through carefully. A life changing decision should not be made on a whim, no matter the situation. So every time he asked, she said no. Every time she said no, he insisted more firmly, more… creatively.

_Stop it!_ She could have shouted at herself aloud, but it wouldn't have made a difference. Her mind was so firmly held by the throes of much needed rest that even the warmth of morning on her face didn't rouse her. She lay there on the forest floor, vulnerable to anyone who may walk through. She looked like nothing less than a filthy vagrant, with her hair matted already with sweat, her tunic and leggings dirt smeared and blood stained, slowly soaking through as a light rain made its way through the treetops.

She slept on, mind cruelly replaying the vision of her burning Hold again and again. _Perhaps_, her mind supplied, _if you stayed you would have seen that he had not killed the children. He let them out of the Hold before he burned it, and only fed them to the flames after you fled._ It was a cruel accusation. _It's your fault they're dead. Running will not allow you to escape what you've done. _Though the thought was ludicrous, a man like _him_ would not have allowed any witness to survive, the notion burned her.

She had no doubt that the children, at least most of them, were dead even before the fire was set, for it was not in his character to leave anything that could work against him to chance. This provided an odd comfort though, to think that they may not have suffered so much for her folly. A swift blow to the head, a knife to the throat, the children would have been done in before they had to suffer the choking, searing agony of death by fire. _Surely, _her mind almost kindly insisted, _this is what he did. He did not make them suffer. He killed them first, to save himself. _

It would have put him in danger were any of them to survive long enough to come forward with the truth, said ill against his person. Surely with a fire of that size people had been there within hours to see the trouble, put it out, and find the bodies. He could not risk anyone being alive or in the area when that happened, so he had to have killed them. Marrying her after such a tragedy, no money or property to her name made him a hero. He was protecting her, saving her from a life of shame, struggle, perhaps even degradation. Killing her family, killing _anyone_ to force her hand would have him stripped of a title he had not yet earned, his lands, his life, everything.

A soft sort of warble woke her suddenly. Squinting against the sun in her eyes she did not need to be able to see through the trees to know that somewhere in the skies there were dragons. Massive creatures that were going to or from somewhere, too young to flit between perhaps. She wished, momentarily, that she could see one. She had not often been taken to large Gathers as a child, and with a Hold too small to be of any real importance she'd never seen one of the magnificent beasts in person.

_Perhaps you can seek refuge in a Weyr_, her mind toyed idly with the idea as she fell upon standing, legs trying to resist going even a step further. _They will take in any who request their assistance_. But she knew that even if they _would _take her in, could keep her safe, they could not solve her problem. The Weyrs could not meddle in Hold matters, and hers was definitely one of those. A Hold problem. A Holder problem. Perhaps one severe enough to have a meeting of the Conclave, but she did not hold her breath. The Lord Holders would have no sympathy for a silly girl Holder. _He_ would make her seem the villain in the situation, setting her own Hold aflame through her ineptitude.

This thought got her blood racing, and finally her legs supported her, carried her over roots with a disgusting hesitance, as two seemingly separate entities within her mind warred. One insisted that all that had happened she'd brought upon herself. She should have accepted his advances. She should have not been foolish enough to reply to his summons while there were children about. She should have insisted on being brought to gathers when she was still younger and beautiful so she would have been married and away long before he got into his mind to marry her himself. She should have kept her father alive. She should have kept her mother alive. She should not have been born.

The other, kinder, infinitely gentler side told the self-deprecating side quite firmly to take a long flight between with its notions. This was the fault of no one but him, and if she'd done anything at all wrong it was when she did _not_ stab him in the throat with his own knife as he hurt her, and even this showed that she was a better person than him. She understood that justice was to be received by the deserved, and it was not up to her to decide these things.

Unfortunately she was leaning toward agreement with the darker side of her mind. Rather wishing she could just sit in the forest and stay there until she wasted away, until she literally became the little bit of nothing that she felt like. But she could not. There was still too much left to live for, too much to do before she could begin to give up. If _he_ could do such a vile thing to her, what was to say he'd never done such a thing in the past? What assurance was there that he wouldn't do it again to another unsuspecting girl? She could not conceive to sit by idly, waiting to die while another was subjugated to something so disgusting that her stomach churned in protest at the very thought.

_Walk_, her mind urged, and not so reluctantly as before her feet obeyed. She walked until her entire body shook, and in the distance she could see the sky darkening with oncoming night. "Shards," she hissed, not looking forward to another night in the forest, lamenting her slow, staggering movements until she realized that the fact that she could clearly see the sky meant she'd reached the end of the forest. She'd made it! _Walk!_ And she did, in fact she ran, crashing through the thick foliage at the edge of the forest to find herself not two dragonlengths from the back wall of the Hold! _At last_.

She collapsed.


	3. Chapter 2

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 2**

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_**As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**_

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She stirred to the sound of laughter, roused at the soft cry of a child and the sound of rapid footfalls. Without opening her eyes she could tell that two, maybe three children were running away from where she lay on the ground. Sharp, carefully honed ears told her that only one was approaching. The steps were rightfully tentative, hesitant in the fear of what she was doing there in the dirt, laying face down in it. She realized this when she opened her eyes to look and saw nothing but darkness, smelled nothing but the earth beneath her. She moved to sit up, but barely uncurled her fingers from the fists they'd clenched into before she felt she was completely drained of any sort of energy.

Next she tried pressing her right arm to the ground in an attempt to roll over, but all the effort did was force a groan of exasperated pain from deep within her throat. It hurt too much to attempt to face the child that had evidently stopped approaching her, but she knew she had to. There was simply no choice in the matter, and reluctant as every inch of skin on her body was she finally lifted herself up enough to open her mouth and whisper, "Help." She got her other arm under her and pushed herself up just a little further to repeat, "Help. Please. P-please help." A sort of hysteria was working its way into her voice, and she had to fight hard to keep it controlled enough to _not_ frighten the child even further.

She considered herself lucky that the small one was brave, and apparently not as small as she'd first thought. He, because it _was _in fact a boy, moved forward quickly at the sound of her voice, grabbing her just a little roughly at the shoulders to pull her the rest of the way up. She winced, and immediately he loosened his grip, stroking her shoulder with a thumb in a childish sort of apology. He was kind enough to hold her steady when he realized she could not remain upright on her own, and said something that she could not hear over the blood rushing suddenly in her ears.

"Keral!" sounded so loudly that it broke through the haze of pain and hysterical relief. "Keral, what's going—Oh my!" A woman this time, perhaps the boy, Keral's, older sister or mother was approaching. Through blurry eyes she could barely make out the woman's distended abdomen, and realized that she was pregnant. The thought made her want to cry, because she couldn't stand to risk such an innocent life. One who was not even yet born! A boy, no older than ten by the looks of him, kind enough to help a trespassing stranger. And a woman who placed a cool, comforting hand to her face when she got close enough, kneeling awkwardly to lean close and ask, "Dear one? What's happened to you?" She did not waste a second waiting for her to reply before commanding the boy, "Go get your brother! I do not think he can walk any further in this state."

She did not have the energy to correct the assumption of her gender. She was dressed like and man, and so it was only appropriate for her to be called one, and she was content to lay against the kind woman's arm, concentrating on her breathing as she was promised that everything would be okay. With the euphoria of respite she was willing to believe the promise of safety. The pessimistic shadow of her mind settled down to allow her to be reassured, long enough for a man to walk over and recoil in shock before stooping to pull her to her feet, apparently testing her ability to stand.

The moment pressure was put on her swollen ankle and feet she let out a high pitched keen, going limp in the man's arm in an attempt to crumple to the floor. It hurt too much. She'd just been walking on it, running on it, but now it was adamantly refusing further abuse. She whipped out her arms to knock the man away from her, but the woman let out a soothing sound as she used Keral to stand back up, "Calm down, dear one." Her attention shifted, "Love, pick him up. He's clearly in no condition to walk."

"She," the man corrected in a soft voice, one so like her own older brother. "This is a girl." And though he was correcting the woman he obediently lifted the wounded girl into his arms, being particularly careful of the placement of his hands as he steadied his grip and started moving. "Keral, go on ahead and tell your mother to get some of that numbweed she bought last week."

The boy moved off toward the Hold without a word, presumably following orders. The pregnant woman followed worriedly behind, and beside, and in front of the burdened man until he finally let out an exasperated, "Grela!" The woman flushed and stepped to the side, but carried herself with an odd sort of anxiety as she followed a good foot behind him. For a moment she seemed to sulk, and the man sighed as he murmured, "My heart, go on ahead and get blankets for our little traveler." He spoke with a melodious timbre, as if he wasn't the least bit worried though the firmness of his grip belied this. "She is trembling with cold and shock. Her clothing is damp. Did you sleep in the forest, child?"

"Yes," she murmured with a quiet shame, trying hard not to lean into the man's firm chest, but he was so very warm! She watched the woman, Grela, slip away before she continued, "I did. I…I was trapped out in the dark, there… I didn't have a choice!"

"Of course not," he soothed as a note of hysteria returned to her voice. "You are not in trouble for this. It was best for you to come here, in your condition. There was rainfall early this morning, so the frost will be severe. Ours is the closest Hold, I can't have expected you to walk all the way up to Levic."

She felt her breath catch in her throat at the mention of her home, and squeezed her eyes shut against an onslaught of tears. She'd promised not to cry, and though her pain was great she was holding fast to this. With all her might she kept her eyes closed and steadied her breath, but the effort was useless. A rush of warmth hit just as he carried her through the Hold doors, and he realized that the assumed trembling of cold was actually the distinct hitching of silent sobs. He paused just past the threshold to shift his grip, holding her close to him by the shoulders, and obediently, almost appreciatively, she curled against him. One arm wrapped around his neck as she cried, and with an odd sort of professionalism he past it off to a horde of chattering women that the tears were simply because the pain she felt was immense.

And she was grateful for that, glad that the only questions she needed to answer pertained to her physical wounds. She forced her emotions well under control by the time her boots were unfastened, and a rather judicious amount of numbweed was slathered on her feet, letting out an unfeigned sigh of relief. The abrasions on her arms were cared for carefully, and her tight leggings were rolled up as high as they could be so that the wound on her knee could be cleaned and wrapped.

She glanced absently around the room as her lesser wounds were being tended, and caught sight of several small heads in the doorway. Three children to be exact, most likely the ones that had been frightened by her collapsed form, were watching her curiously. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but they were clearly whispering about something.

"Did you…" Her attention was caught by a woman, dark hair graying at the temples, hesitantly trying to piece together a question. "Did you come to… see my husband?" She considered not answering for a moment, wanted to just sit there and wallow in her thoughts until the pain returned, but the woman slipped onto the bench beside her and handed her a steaming cup of klah.

"No, my Lady," she murmured. Grela stepped into the doorway, holding a blanket out in offering before sitting on the other free corner of the bench. The blanket was settled delicately over her shoulders as she took a sip of the klah, closing her eyes to savor the flavor before thinking over her response. She hadn't the slightest idea where to begin the story she didn't want to share, however, and reluctantly settled with reiterating. "No. I… did not come to see your husband."

"Then what are you doing here, dear?" Grela asked gently, rubbing the woman between her shoulder blades. "The nearest Holder is several days off by foot."

"There was… an accident… at my Hold. I was… hoping to send a message out."

"I see…" And the older woman did see. She saw the hands holding the cup of klah shake with barely controlled emotion, and kindly took the drink to set on the table. "A message."

"Y-yes. Further south. B-But I… t-the… it's further than I anticipated. And I had no runner. A-and then I fell, and got hurt! And—"

"Hush, dear," the woman abruptly cut off the approaching panic. "All will be well."

_Only it won't be_, the dark shadow in her mind whispered. _It won't be well. If only they knew how well it will never be again!_ She shook her head sharply, raised her hands to scratch at the grime on her face, and sighed. "I-I know it's too much to ask," she murmured hesitantly. "B-But if there is anywhere you can think to put me… j-just for the night! I-I'll stay in your stable if that's all you can spare, I j-just—"

"Oh, of course!" the older woman brightened with the exclamation. "You can stay as long as you need to, little one. Please, don't fret. We'll find room for you here."

"She can stay with me mother," Grela offered, and while her mother seemed to contemplate the offer, the wounded girl recoiled and shook her head violently.

"I-I _couldn't_!" she nearly shouted. "Y-You will be staying with your man. I—"

"You can stay with my daughter Gareva," the woman said. "I'm sure the girl won't mind. Gareva!" For a moment there was no answer, so the woman got to her feet and bellowed, "Gareva!"

"Mother?" came the quiet call.

"Gareva, love, come here."

Not a moment later a bright red head stuck through the doorway, shooing the curious children away with a swat to each but the sly one who ran before she could reach him. "Mother, how can—Oh!" That seemed to be the reaction she was getting recently. "Oh dear! What happened?"

"An accident," Grela explained vaguely. "Would you mind sharing your room with her for the night, Gareva?"

"Of course not!" the girl answered without pause. "Oh! She needs a bath! Come, come, you!"

"Her feet are full of numbweed, dear…"

"Oh, fine then. Rilow! Oh, where is that man you call a husband, Grela? Rilow!"

"Yes, Gareva, my love?" the man with the melodic voice called as footfalls came close. He appeared behind the girl, scooping her off of her feet to spin her just for a moment, murmuring, "Oh, if only you'd been a few years older I would have married you in Grela's stead!" Gareva laughed, a musical little noise, and swiped at the man to put her down.

"Oh, hush yourself, knave! You love Grela more than you love your music!"

"But who says I couldn't love you just the same?"

There was more laughter, this coming from Grela herself, and even over the pain of her own misfortunes the girl found her spirits soar just a little with the love flowing through the room. A true family was this one, connected not only through blood, but through friendship and trust. She was in no way jealous, instead grateful to be allowed to witness such a thing with her own eyes, and pained to realize that she would never again feel the dynamic of her own family.

"Rilow, we must get her to the bath, and then to my room. Might you carry her for me?"

"Anything for you, my lady." And with a momentary inclination of his head, clearly requesting permission, she found herself scooped up and carried through the hall to a backroom that was used for bathing. She remembered a time when her own hold had not had an indoor bath, and was pleased to find that this small Hold had done what hers had not until she was eleven. "I will leave you both to it," the man murmured, placing her gently a stool. "If you need anything, call. I will not be far."

Rilow left, and for a moment, a long moment, Gareva just stared, before kneeling on the ground before her wounded ward. "I… did not get your name out there."

"No one did," she explained faintly. "No one asked."

"The family has all come for the imminent birth of Grela's first child. The women tend to get… excited when they have someone to care for. Sometimes they forget their manners. I'm Gareva."

"Elrenia."

"It truly is a pleasure to meet you." The warmth in the girl's genuine smile settled the shadow of Elrenia's mind for the moment, and she hesitantly returned the grin. "You can… begin on your own if you think you can manage. If not, could you wait a few moments for me to get my sweet sand and clothing for you to change into?"

"Of course Gareva. I'm greatly indebted to you—"

"Nonsense!" the girl laughed airily. "I'm sure it's nothing you would not do for me, were our roles reversed somehow!" And the girl swept from the room, leaving Elrenia feeling decidedly empty.

To see such kindness in a person after experiencing such cruelty… it was as though the world was mocking her. Elrenia had to take a moment to breathe deeply before she was able to move toward getting to the water, already heated and ready for her to use. One of the women apparently anticipated her bathing, and she was grateful for it as she pulled her tunic over her head and her pants from her legs, quickly undoing the brand new bandages before sliding into the warm depths of the small tub.

She just sat for a minute, wincing mildly as numbweed was washed from wounds – not having been given enough time to truly settle in, and reluctantly thought that she would need to request more once she was done cleaning. She dipped below the surface to wet her hair, sincerely hoping that Gareva would return soon with the sweet sand, because the promise of cleansing was suddenly a sort of lifeline. The _desire_ to be clean rose within her like a tidal wave, occupying her thoughts relentlessly as she stayed beneath the water until she could no longer hold her breath. She was startled to come back up to the sight of Grela's smiling face.

"I was afraid you'd drowned," the woman said almost sweetly, reaching out with a handful of sweet sand. "Let me help you, dear. You must be exhausted. Don't even want to lift your arms, do you?"

Elrenia could barely stammer a refusal in her embarrassment, wanting desperately to cover up in a way she hadn't needed to in years. She'd been ashamed of her body when she was young, ten and just beginning to develop her figure, but the embarrassment had long since faded. She'd never been comfortable in the nude around other people, but if the situation arose she was always able to deal with it calmly. Suddenly she found herself shaking her head, crossing her arms over her chest in the murky water, and was a little shocked to see the woman do little more than smile at her kindly.

"You have nothing that I haven't seen before. Now let me help you." The offer stopped being a request for compliance, instead taking the tone of a careful order. She, awkwardly, pulled the stool closer to the tub without rising and wetted the sand briefly before going at Elrenia's hair. The girl tensed at first, but it wasn't long before the kind, attentive hands turned her defiance into mush. "There we go," the woman murmured soothingly. The fingers never once ceased their careful massage, working knots and filth from the strands. "Would you like some to clean your body with while I tend your hair?"

"Yes please, Grela."

And a healthy handful of the sand was handed over to be raked over bruised and battered flesh. The sting was suddenly intense, and while Elrenia squeezed her eyes shut at it, she didn't stop cleaning. The pain didn't matter. In fact it was almost pleasant in a way. She was cleaning ash, and dirt, and death, and abuse from her skin with it. Every time her rebellious body wanted to cry out in pain she was making up for what she'd done, and she continued on this path of self-abuse until a sharp, "Elrenia!" broke her out of her thoughts.

She looked up to the mildly reproachful face of Gareva, the disturbed gaze of Grela. Gareva held in her hands a mound of fabric, green like the forest and unquestionably soft. It was a fine gown, and the girl's first reaction was to refuse the kind offer. Why would she wear a dress? It was so much simpler to travel in pants, and she would be doing that soon! Except she seriously doubted there were any men in the Hold her size, and none of the women owned the clothes she needed.

She blinked up at the women when one of them cleared their throat, Grela's face having taken on the same disapproving quality as her younger sister's. "No amount of scrubbing will do away with whatever's happened to you," Gareva spoke with a wisdom too advanced for her years. "And scrubbing your skin off in an attempt to do the impossible won't do well for _anyone_. Enough of this."

"Can you get her out of the tub, Gareva?" Grela asked quietly, leading the girl to dunk her head under the water so all of the sweet sand was washed away. Whatever she said next was muffled by the water over her head, and when Elrenia once more broke the surface it was to Grela pushing her hands against the tub to stand up. She left with an almost clipped, "I will see you again, dear."

The two remaining girls just looked at each other for a moment, before Gareva held out a towel, and said, "Come now. You're not a baby, you know what to do."

Against the will of her legs and feet, Elrenia stood, taking the cloth to wrap around herself for the moment. She almost fell as she stepped out of the tub, having to rest almost all of her weight on her little caretaker. The girl didn't complain though. Just stood and bore it until the wounded feet finally cooperated. Elrenia couldn't dry herself, however. She couldn't balance long enough to do so, and so had to bear Gareva's attentions further. The girl tried desperately to ignore the curious glances she got for the bruises on her body. She pretended that she was alone in the room, and all was right in the world, even though she needed to sit down so the girl could help get the dress over her head.

The moment the dress was settled over Elrenia's hips, is became apparent that Gareva was larger than her. Whether one of the girls was big or the other small for her age was up for question, but there was no doubt that something else needed to be found for her to wear. "You… looked much larger when you were dressed. You're taller than me, I thought—"

"I've always been very… small," Elrenia, explained, red faced. "My mother was so small she needed a wet nurse for all of us when we were babes."

"Oh… yes… well… we obviously never had _that_ problem." There was a brief moment of silence before Elrenia let out a quiet chuckle, and Gareva let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, I'm so glad that I didn't insult you," the large chested girl said. "I… perhaps I can steal a pair of Rilow's pants, and one of my brother's shirts. Keral has long tunics…"

"It's fine," Elrenia tried to assure her. "I don't want to put anyone else out. Really."

"But you can't _wear_ this. It doesn't fit you."

"I—"

"Maybe mother saved some of my old clothing. I…started developing rather suddenly a turn or so past," Gareva explained perhaps a tad reluctantly. For a moment it struck Elrenia as shyness, perhaps even shame. As though the pleasant, pretty young redhead did not like the woman she was shaping up to be. "If you can stay just for a moment, I can go speak to my mother. Or I can ask—Yes! I'll ask Rilow to take you to my room. All right? Stay here!"

The girl ran out before Elrenia could object, and not a minute later Rilow knocked on the door and stuck his head hesitantly into the room. "May I come in?" he asked carefully, and though the young woman wanted to say no, she nodded her head in his direction. The further he got into the room the more he seemed to study her, and the moment he got close enough he picked up the towel and wrapped it around her shoulders, pulling her hair out from under it to protect the dress and keep her shoulders dry. "Can you walk, or should I carry you again? Gareva's room is not very far."

"I'm sure I can walk,' Elrenia assured, and proceeded to prove it by getting to her feet.

"Gareva said she was going to procure some of my pants for you, but I don't see how it will…" His comment trailed off as he realized the way the dress was hanging on her body. He nodded his head once, and murmured, "I see. You are much smaller than she anticipated."

"I… do apologize. I don't want to steal your clothing."

"Nonsense," the man laughed. "I've more than enough clothing for one man. My Grela loves to sew, and every Gather we seem to find ourselves weighed down with mounds of fabric for months! Silly woman could make a fortune with her wares, but she just _gives_ them to people, bleeding heart that she is. No one can meet Grela without gaining a Weyr worth of odds and ends. It's a good thing we're to have a little one. She can dote on _him_ instead of me." There was absolutely no rancor in the tone, though the explanation could have spoken ill of the pleasant woman. "She's a universal mother, I suppose. When her own mother grew ill several summer's back she started taking care of the children. She didn't stop just because her mother recovered."

"You love her," Elrenia murmured vaguely, and had to look away when Rilow stooped just slightly to slip her arm around his neck to help her walk.

"I love her with all of my heart," the man's tone shifted almost imperceptibly, and reminded her of the way her _own_ father used to speak about her mother. "And I love her family as well. They've been incredibly good to me. They are the family I never had outside of the Harper Hall."

_The Harper Hall?_

"You're their Harper?" Elrenia gasped, and Rilow stopped short in surprise.

"Yes, I am."

"I…I…" For a moment she just stared, open mouthed, until Rilow started their movement again.

"I take it _I'm_ the one you came to see?"

"Yes," she breathed, feeling the need to cry again.

"I will get you into Gareva's room, and once you've been dressed we will speak," Rilow said lowly, and it sounded like a promise. A promise Elrenia trusted beyond a shadow of a doubt. Harpers did not lie. Would not lie! Not a _true_ Harper, and anyone with ears could tell that Rilow was as true as a dragon was brave.


	4. Chapter 3

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 3**

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_**As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**_

_Seems I'm actually going to be updating every time I finish writing two extra chapters. At least that's the way it seems to be going now. At the very least I promise once a week, but hopefully I'll be giving you guys more. I'd really like to thank the people who have reviewed so far (divergary, redbricks, and ImperialGirl), it's made me very happy and hopeful._

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Elrenia had barely been settled on the bed, Rilow kneeling on the ground before her to look at the condition of her feet, when Gareva flounced into the room. She held another green mound of fabric above her head with a triumphant crow, and proceeded to drag her brother-in-law out of the room, yammering about women, and clothing, and men not knowing anything. The wounded brunette was hard pressed not to laugh at the surprised look on the Harper's face, but managed to keep to herself until the door was closed firmly behind him and the redhead gave her a searching look.

"You look beautiful in green," the girl said, examining the too big dress she was currently wearing, admiring the way the color looked against the mildly tanned skin. "Quite beautiful."

"I do not," came the immediate denial. "I look best in leggings and a tunic, but since you seem to be insisting on dressing me up—" Elrenia cut herself off abruptly when she realized how bitter she sounded. She was in no way ungrateful for the kindness, she just… "It makes me uncomfortable," she murmured as way of apology. "We could never afford fine fabric. I… have never worn a dress like this one. I'm sure it looks much better on you."

"Never mind that. If this one fits, you can keep it," Gareva didn't sound the least bit insulted by the girl's momentary lapse of propriety. "And I'm sure it _will_ fit you. You're not so much taller than me, and this gown was always long. So, sit up straight, raise your arms!" And Elrenia was being redressed. This dress fit significantly better, though it appeared that a Gareva from several turns back still had a larger chest than the present Elrenia, and both girls flushed deeply in varying degrees of embarrassment at this realization. The tightening of laces in the back fit the bodice snugly enough however, and Gareva politely requested that the girl stand so she could see how long the skirt fell.

It came slightly above what was considered the regular length for a proper gown, falling just a little high on the ankle, but this wasn't a bother. Grela was called in to let out the hem, which she did quite happily after demanding that the girl sit back down because she shouldn't have been standing. The process was quick in surprisingly skilled hands, and Elrenia realized that Rilow had not been exaggerating when he described his wife's love for sewing, and threadwork as well by the looks of her examining a few pulled stitches in the embroidery of the bodice.

"Stand up, Elrenia," Gareva ordered gently when her sister stood from her completed work.

"She mustn't," the mother-to-be murmured. "Her feet—"

"My feet are fine, Grela," Elrenia assured, standing without so much as wincing. "They don't hurt nearly as much as they did earlier. Please, don't worry about me."

The woman didn't look particularly convinced, but nodded her head. "All right, you two. Dinner will be served soon, so you're best to finish up what you're doing and come out. Especially you, Elrenia – I'll hear none of this 'intruding' nonsense. You look half starved." The woman served both of them with a cold, scolding look before waddling out of the room.

Elrenia's face contorted, just a little at this, pulling her lower lip into her mouth so as to keep her laughter to herself once more, but the look was not lost on the younger sister. "The walk kind of belies the whole admonishment, doesn't it?" There was no response to this question, but the humor hung in the air for a moment, lightening the mood enough so that Gareva could pleasantly say, "Your hair?"

"My… hair?"

"Can I brush it?"

Elrenia just blinked in response, before sinking back to her seat on the bed to allow the slightly shorter girl to do as she pleased. Gareva, kneeling on the bed behind her, was exceedingly gentle working out the few knots Grela hadn't gotten out of her hair while she was still bathing. It was a rather nice feeling, having her hair tended to. No one had done so since her mother's death. Being the youngest daughter by a few scant years, there was no one that could be bothered to. Everyone had had their own beauty to worry about. This was all well and good, of course. She was in very few ways feminine, and a love for her femininity was not one of those ways.

In a matter of minutes Gareva had worked all the knots out and had dark brown waves falling down her back where static didn't have them standing on end. She let out a frustrated breath when running an open palm over them didn't make them calm, and said, "I'm going to have to braid it. Does your hair _always_ misbehave like this?"

"As long as it's been on my head, yes," Elrenia spoke without any emotion, allowing the girl to continue her ministrations until she felt a thong tied in place at the end of the length. It felt heavy between her shoulder blades, almost uncomfortable as she'd grown used to wearing it wrapped tightly in a bun to ward off the heat of work in the fields. "Are we done now?"

"We are," Gareva spoke happily. Then, with a small ounce of shame, "I'm sorry to have made you uncomfortable again. Do you not like your hair?"

"I…" Elrenia shook her head. "My mother used to brush my hair like this. I find I miss her at the very worst moments, sometimes." The words were almost forced. "It was very kind of you to brush it for me. Thank you, Gareva."

"Don't thank me," the girl laughed. "Grela's not around often enough for me to tend _her_ hair. I always have enjoyed it! I can't wait to have children so I can tend to _them_ instead of having to force my younger brother into these things."

"Don't…" the word came out before Elrenia even thought of what she was about to say, but the negation grabbed Gareva's attention too quickly for her to retract the aborted comment. "Don't… rush into marriage, or childbearing Gareva. Find yourself someone like Rilow, first. Someone kind. Someone worth you. Do… do you understand?"

The girl nodded her head softly, and touched one faintly trembling shoulder. The young woman couldn't pretend to understand where the advice was coming for, but she certainly knew what it meant. "Of course," she agreed. "I… I would never start before I was ready." It seemed the light humor from before had been sucked from the room, an ominous tension settling in its place. It was clear that ideas and realizations concerning Elrenia were forming in Gareva's head, but she didn't want to voice any of them immediately. The girl was smart, sharp, quick. It did not seem to take very much for her to catch on to things.

Right as she was settling in to ask a few questions pertaining to the subject, there was a knock at the door, and Rilow's voice called through, "Grela's sent a summons for the two of you. She wants you at the dinner table _now_, even if I have to throw you both over my shoulders and carry you out. _How_ she expects me to carry a two full grown women I haven't the slightest idea, but _I'm_ not going to tell her that. Save a poor man some heartache and come out, girls?"

Gareva giggled, and got up from the bed, pausing in an odd sort of consideration before holding a hand out to Elrenia. "Shall we go then, my friend?" Once more, the nearly overwhelming urge was to say no, but instead the girl took the offered hand, and was pulled carefully to her feet. An odd sense of comfort came from the fact that her hand was not released immediately after standing. In fact, Gareva held her hand all the way to the dining hall, and only released it after she'd been led to a seat.

There was an array of people rushing about, and Elrenia was barred from helping setting the table. She wasn't allowed to so much as move a finger without being scolded by one and all of the many aunties milling about the area. In a doorway to her right she could see the same three children from early, still spying, still whispering, and it made her feel incredibly self conscious. She wasn't a particularly interesting person, not one worth gossip at least. But there was nothing to be done about it. She couldn't confront the little ones, and even if she had the right to she wouldn't have. She was the stranger, she supposed, in that way she was a spectacle.

The chittering of the children only got more pronounced when they were made to sit however. Pointing and whispering behind hands until Elrenia found herself twisting the skirt of her dress in her fists. Was it the fact that she was a stranger or the bruise on her face? Was it the way she was wearing Gareva's dress as though it belonged to her? Was it because she looked absolutely _foolish_ in the dress? Of course it was. She wasn't enough of a woman to wear a dress. Wasn't pretty, or delicate enough.

A loud pop drew her attention to where a stocky redheaded boy hit the oldest of the trio of whispering children upside his head. "Enough'a this, y'hear me?" he demanded, holding a clenched fist high enough to hit any of them if they decided to backtalk. "Lady Elrenia's a guest 'ere."

"She's a _Lady_?" the only girl in the trio asked, sounding both shocked and excited. "A _real_ Lady?"

"Yeh she's a Lady. Can't ya see 'er?"

"Bu' tha's Gareva's dress," one of the boys pointed out, puffing out his chest so as to look bigger in front of the redhead. "Shooin't she 'ave 'er own dress?"

"Yer words, Pip," the redhead almost snarled. "Watch yer words."

"Loo' who's talkin'!"

"Don' ya start at me! I'll clock ya one real good!"

"You try ta clock me one, and I'ma tell Gareva, and she'll tan yer hide real good, she will!"

"Nah, because ya ain't gonna tell her nothin'!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

And right as it looked like the argument was going to dissolve into a fist fight a voice bellowed, "I will make you copy each of your ballads ten times a day for a sevenday if you don't use your words, do you hear me?" It was Rilow, sounding right angry, and just mildly red in the face, standing with his hands on his hips in the doorway. The three children sunk deep into their seats, and the redheaded boy moved to sit beside the girl, grumbling under his breath until the Harper cleared his throat loudly.

"Sorry, Rilow. I… will be sure to speak more carefully."

"You'd best, or _I'll_ be the one to tan your hide," the Harper threatened. "I haven't been here five years for you to forget all of your lessons the second your cousins come to visit, Keral." The man ruffled the boys hair before taking his own seat though, seeming to follow a sort of protocol as the women filed out with a feast fit for a Lord. In a matter of moments the seats were filling up. There were no less than ten children, sixteen teenagers, and even more adults. Men and women of all ages took seats, and Elrenia was extremely uncomfortable until Gareva took a seat on one side of her, and the graying old woman from early took the other side. There was barely enough room to extend ones elbows, but no one really seemed to care, settling into casual conversation was they waited for the last seat to be filled.

It was ten long minutes, with Elrenia suffering the side looks from several older boys, concerned looks from women, and whispering that was constantly begin shushed by those that had an idea of what she was doing there. But finally, when she started to feel panic rising from deep in her stomach, the sound of a door opening echoed, and a man with salt and pepper hair down to his shoulders walked in.

"Ah!" he murmured in a thoughtful but tense tone. "Everyone is settled. Excellent. I—" And his eyes were on her. He stared just for a moment, and suddenly he was glaring, crossing his arms as he muttered, "Gralla?"

"A traveler, dear."

"She's beaten."

"I found her pa—" Keral was silenced by a sharp look, and looked down toward his lap.

"What is she doing in my home, Gralla?"

"It's just for a little while, Kelby," the woman spoke levelly, not the least bit intimidated by the dark look. "Thread is due to fall tomorrow, it would be irresponsible to let such a little one be out and about with no Hold nearby."

"Yes, but _what_ is she doing in my home?"

"Where do you suppose I put her, the stables?"

"And let her steal a runner? Of course not. I paid good money for those beasts!"

Elrenia inhaled sharply, offended deeply by the blatant accusation. Theft? She would never steal another's runner, especially not from a family that helped her so much without any prompting whatsoever. But she did not speak in her own defense. She took her skirt into her hands and started to twist the fabric once more. She was caught between the urge to cry and storm away. The former was winning by a dragon length, and she didn't realize she was trembling until Gareva removed her hand from the skirt, and squeezed it comfortingly.

"Father," the girl spoke with the same calm that her mother embodied, "She will be staying in my room until it's safe for her to continue traveling."

"Oh will she?" he asked with raised eyebrows. "Was this your idea Rilow? You _are_ the one always bringing in these silly little strays."

"_I_ had nothing to do with it," the Harper said almost jovially. "It was your daughter."

"Grela?"

"_Thank_s my love," the woman muttered to the side before straightening her shoulders to look at her father. "She'd fainted just outside of the forest. Do you propose I should have left her there to die?"

"Of course not. But _why is she here_?"

"I was traveling south." All eyes were on her, and Elrenia found herself gripping Gareva's hand in return, seeking the strength she would need in order to face this angry man, with eyes far too similar to _his_. "I-I needed to travel south. I… I don't mean to intrude, but this was the closest Hold."

"Why are you traveling south?"

"T-to meet family."

"Alone?"

"Pardon?"

"You're traveling alone? I'd never allow one of my girls to travel by herself. What a father you have. Where is he?"

"Six turns dead."

For just a moment the man paused, a sort of recoil as he realized the insensitivity of his statement and question. More gently he asked, "And you have no man?"

"None, sir."

"Brothers?"

"Too far west to get to on my own. That's why I'm traveling south. My family can help me get to my eldest brother. He lives near Fort."

There was an additional moment of silence as the man considered the situation even further. "And why were you so far away from your only living relatives? Why are you up here on your own?"

"I was… I-I was taking care of the f-family Hold until my father's brother… m-my uncle, could come relieve me of the duty."

"Oh? Then why didn't you wait for your uncle to come?"

Tears filled her eyes, and Elrenia squeezed Gareva hand even harder, barely relieved by the returned pressure as she stared down into her lap. She didn't want to have this conversation with the angry man. She didn't want to have this conversation in a room filled with people. She didn't want to have this conversation at _all_. But she took a deep breath and blinked the tears firmly from her eyes before choking out, "T-t-there was an accident."

"An accident?"

"Y-yes."

"An _accident_?"

The girl didn't respond further, feeling that the man had reached whatever decision he'd been coming to. Her back tensed, and her feet started aching at the mere _thought_ of having to walk further in the dark. Granted she wouldn't have to transverse forest any longer, but the thought made her shoulders hunch forward slightly.

"She's not staying here tonight night. She's not staying here at _all_."

"But father!" Gareva shouted, shooting from her seat before the words had settled in the air. "That isn't any fair! She hasn't done anything wrong!"

"We don't know this," the man explained coldly, moving to take his seat. He went to serve himself a plate of food even as he said, "Randahl, show her out." A man sitting several seats to his left, large in the chest and tall, looked incredibly uncomfortable to have been given the task of throwing the girl out into the dark. For a moment he looked ready to stand, took one look at Elrenia's reddening face, and looked back at Kelby to see if he was serious. When no one had moved in several more minutes, the Holder looked up and said, "Randahl?"

"But… she's so small, Kelby."

"And?" The man motioned idly with one hand, "Even murderers can be small."

"Murderer?" Several men stood from their seats, women drew back, children gasped. None could believe what came from the man's mouth. But only one saw fit to question it. The woman with the graying hair at Elrenia's side. Gareva and Grela's mother.

"Murderer, Kelby?" she asked carefully. "You think this little thing is a murderer?"

"There was a fire at the Cothold beyond the forest, Levic. Twelve bodies were found in the charred building, no one knows how it happened, only that it was done on purpose. Ten of those bodies seemed to have… other wounds."

"Wounds?"

"One of them was without a head."

There were a series of gasps just as Grela shouted, "Father! The children!"

His eyes shot across the room, as though he'd forgotten for a moment that anyone below adulthood was even on his lands at all, and looked demure for a moment. "Sorry… children, dears, please go. Grela and Gareva will bring you food in a moment. Go on. Go to the front room." And obediently all of them left, save the stocky redheaded boy. "Keral?"

"I will not go, father."

"Keral," the man spoke more firmly. "This is not a request. Go with your cousins."

"No."

"Keral!"

"You'll throw 'er ou' if none'll protect 'er!" the boy snapped, going as red as his hair with the ferocity of his defiance. Elrenia didn't understand what was spurring him, but found herself oddly comforted by it. The boy may have been young, but he had strength to him that she didn't see in any of the _men_ in the room, save for Rilow, who looked about ready to explode. "I ain't lettin' you throw 'er out!"

"Keral!" the man bellowed, standing and looking ready to break something even as the boy shot to his own feet defiantly. "Keral, you will leave this room _immediately_ or I swear that you won't be able to walk in the morning!"

"No!" he shouted it, moving from behind his chair so that he was free to move about. "You ain't sendin' her out there! She'll die if she's out there! She couldn' even sittup when I got to 'er! She couldn' even talk! You'd like for someone to throw Grela out? Gareva out jus' cause she don' come from around? Jus' cause bad things happen someplace else? She didn' set no Hold on fire!"

Kelby moved from his seat without warning and started toward the boy who, after the initial recoil, held his ground. _Stop it… _He was trembling with the strength of his fear, and his teeth were clenched so tightly that his cheeks were protruding from his face, but he did not try to run away. He did not take back his words. He did not apologize. _Stop it… _And he continued standing as his face was slapped once, twice, a woman nearby stood to stop Kelby and was pulled back to her seat by her man. _Stop it… _This was not their situation. This was not their Hold. This was not something in which they could intervene.

Rilow was using all of his strength to keep Grela in her seat as the girl struggled and shouted, reminding her loudly of her pregnancy to try to make her behave. _Stop it…_ If she stayed still he'd go help, he said, but she did not calm enough for him to keep his promise. He feared her doing something to jeopardize his child, and fond as he seemed to be of the young man being beaten, he cared for his _own_ blood more.

Keral lost his feet somewhere between the fifth and sixth slap, still refusing to apologize, but his father held him up by the shoulder of his tunic and continued on, demanding an apology. _Stop it, _Elrenia thought, watching in horror. She heard Gareva crying out, demanding an end to all of the violence in a voice that was shrill and quavering, shooting to her feet to run around to where her brother was finally struggling, hitting his father back, demanding for the girl to stay out of it. "Beat me!" the boy shouted as though he were a man. "Beat me! Whip me! Tan me! Kill me! But let her stay!" And, by the egg, it looked like the man was going to do exactly that.

"Stop it!" it took the beaten brunette a long moment to realize that the words had come from her own mouth, louder than she'd shouted in years. There were tears on her face then, large, warm drops that gathered at her chin and dripped to the table. When had she stood up? She wasn't sure, but she realized absently that her chair had fallen to the ground behind her. The… the beating had stopped though. But just for a moment. Kelby looked at her with a shocked anger, before turning back and raising a hand to his son again.

"Stop!" she cried again, meaning the word more than she'd ever meant anything in her life. Too many children had been hurt because of her. Being accused of murdering her family did not hurt nearly as much as honestly believing it, and she would not have another child hurt for her. "Stop it!" she cried when another slap sounded. "Stop it! _Stop_! I'll leave! I'll go! Just stop _hurting_ him! I don't want anyone to be hurt for me! _Please_!" The hysteria was back in her tone, unveiled and overwhelming. Her entire body trembled, her chest was heaving rapidly with sobs she was trying to swallow. "Please…"

And her hand was encased in warmth, the gray haired woman gripping it tightly as she breathed the words, "You are not the man I married." This simple statement, little more than a whisper, changed the entire dynamic of the room. The man suddenly looked ashamed, stared into the teary eyes of his son, and placed him gently back to his feet. Grela calmed well enough, held tightly in the arms of her Harper husband, leaving her little brother to the attentions of Gareva who was quick to scoop the youngster into her grasp. "Throwing little girls out into the night. Beating your son because he is being more of a man than you are. What have you become?"

"Gralla…"

"No. Do not speak. I've half a mind to make _you_ sleep in the stables, but the runners shouldn't have to bear your company. I want you to leave. Leave my home, and do not come back until you are ready to right the wrongs you have committed tonight." The woman didn't speak further, just stared until the man retreated, leaving the room without another word or glance, staring sadly at the ground the entire time. And when the Hold door could be heard closing behind him, Gralla patted the sobbing Elrenia's hand. "Gareva, love, take Keral and her to your room."

"Yes mother." The girl was quick to move, pulling her brother to his feet and leading him by the shoulders as she moved to catch Elrenia's hand, taking them both from the room like they were babes. And in many ways they were, unable to comprehend what had just occurred, frightened by things that were so much bigger than them, and incapable of leading themselves.

Elrenia, it seemed, couldn't even walk on her own though that could have been due to her wounds. She hadn't gotten far into the hallway before her legs seemed to give out under her and she collapsed to the floor. The sobbing intensified then, and all she could do was wrap her arms around herself to try to still the shaking. Keral moved forward at this, falling back into himself when he saw the turmoil of the woman _he _found, _he_ saved. Once he reached her he didn't know how to proceed though, just fell to one knee and hesitantly touched her shoulder.

"M-my lady?"

Elrenia sobbed harder, reached forward, took the young boy – the young man – into her arms and hugged him. He was so much like one of her little cousins, defiant in being the oldest of the young ones, and unsure of how to go about his odd maturity in an adult way. Keral allowed her to hold him, leaned into the grip even, as though he needed comfort from her as much as she needed it from him.

"Please stop cryin'," he said. "The season's been hard on us. We los' several good runners, an' the crops were poor. Father's unda lot'sa pressure righ' now. He… he isn' normally…"

"I'm sorry."

"S'not your fault," he sighed.

Still she insisted, "I'm _sorry_." And she was. She was sorry about everything.


	5. Chapter 4

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 4**

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_**As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**_

_Oh, so my story is atypical? Awesome possum =D_

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Her sense of time, it seemed, was poor. The world faded from existence, and nothing seemed to matter any more. She had no idea how long she sat there holding young Keral, but after a short eternity he moved carefully away from her. His small but surprisingly thick hand raised to wipe her face, clearing her tears in a very adult manner as he said, "Elrenia? Rilow's here. C-can he pick you up?" The young woman didn't respond, and so this was considered agreement. The Harper slipped an arm under her knees and held her like a bride, carried her all the way to Gareva's room even as his young brother-in-law asked, "She gonna be okay? W-what's wrong with her?"

"I'm not sure," Rilow answered honestly. "But I believe it has little to do with you, and everything to do with whatever brought her here. Your father just released a flood that's been building for hours now, maybe even days."

"C-can I stay with 'er, Ri? I—"

"You may return when I'm done speaking with her. In the meantime, go to the children and eat your dinner. You must be starved after all of this excitement."

"You don' have'ta treat me like a baby, Rilow. I'm not."

"You, my little Lord, have not been a baby for a very long time," the Harper spoke with a deep affection. "Now go. Show your mother that you're okay. Explain to the children that everything is going to be okay. Eat your food. When you're done, you can return. Is that acceptable?"

"Yeah, Ri. Guess i'is aseptable."

"And Keral?"

"Yeh?"

"Your words. Remember your words."

"Of course."

The young boy left the duo just as Rilow was settling Elernia on the bed. The girl had stopped crying sometime during the walk, listening but hardly reacting to the conversation going on around her. The man was distressed to see her looking so empty. He'd never seen an expression quite like hers before. She was haunted by the past, bothered by the present, terrified of the future and even more so she was frightened of the Harper. Pulling away from him even as her hands tightened in his shirt. He felt a very deep disgust for whoever caused her such pain. Horror to see that she was afraid of _him_ of all people. For a moment it was almost as though she was no longer in her own mind, but as he made to move away she curled toward him again, gripping his shirt tighter before she realized what she was doing and released him with flushing cheeks.

Her softly tanned skin looked so pale beneath the blush, almost ashen. She looked like death, but she was very clearly alive. Perhaps more alive than anyone Rilow had ever seen before. She was aware of her surroundings in a most distressing way, flinching almost imperceptibly at every creak and groan of the house, every snort or howl from the outdoors. He wished to help her, but didn't quite know where to begin. Her throat was tight, and when she opened her mouth to speak she started coughing. It was then that Gareva appeared with a tray, almost dropping it in her haste to get the cup of water to the woman. Elrenia took the drink gratefully, emptying it in three large gulps before she was able to form a sentence, brief though it was. "I'm sorry."

"I will not hear you apologizing," Rilow said in a soft but firm voice.

"But… but my being here has caused so many problems."

"No," Gareva insisted passionately. "Father has been boiling for weeks now." It was a poor excuse, but understandable. She remembered more than one beating received by her dead brother for impudence when her father was in a way. If nothing else it was believable, a slightly better worded but identical explanation to the one the young man had offered her. "Keral knew that if he acted up much more something like this would happen. I just didn't expect…"

When Gareva trailed off Rilow carefully insisted, "You have done _nothing_ wrong, Elrenia. _Nothing_."

_If only you knew._

"My eyes tell me that you're hurt, and my heart tells me that you're too good to have deserved whatever happened to you. Elrenia… please… talk to me." Rilow raised a hand, and withdrew it the moment the girl flinched away. "Please, allow me to help you."

"I can't."

"Why can't you?"

"I shouldn't even be here!"

"Why not?"

"He'll _hurt_ you!" And her eyes widened, hands shooting up to cover her mouth as she realized she'd said exactly what she was trying to avoid saying. She'd been looking forward to finding a Harper, because surely he would be able to help her, but now that she had one, a kind one who was willing to listen, she was reluctant to speak. He was too good for her situation. His family was too good for it. The thought of exposing them to things that frightened and disgusted her made her feel physically ill. She wrapped her arms around her stomach as she curled over slightly, the brief flow of information having stopped in its tracks.

"He?" Gareva prompted, sitting beside Elrenia as she wrapped the girl in a hug. "Who is he? What did he do?" Elrenia let out a high pitched keen at the question, trying to curl into _between_, but Rilow placed both hands on either knee and refused to let her hide herself further.

"Dear one," he soothed. "Talk to me. Tell me what he did."

"My family," she moaned. "My home." _I have nothing left. _"He… they were so little! So young! Just _babies_!" And she was crying all over again, relieved and horrified by the words coming from her mouth against the will of her mind.

"You are from Levic," the Harper guessed. "And father accused… my dear child!" And she was wrapped in another pair of firm arms. Encased in a hug. Held. Safe. Not safe forever. Not safe for long. But safe for the moment. And that, Elrenia found, was good enough.

She did not cry anymore, just savored the feeling of acceptance she found in the two. They didn't ask any more questions, didn't seem to make any assumptions about her person, they just accepted that she was hurt and her family had been murdered. They didn't try to make her assume responsibility even though it _was _her fault, and somehow this offered its own sort of relief. Just for a second she was able to pretend that she _hadn't _indirectly killed her family, and it was like numbweed for her heart. For a long moment she just sat there, allowing Rilow to hold her as he stroked her hair and Gareva rubbed her back soothingly.

"I will get a message out immediately," Rilow promised. "I'll send one of the boys out on a runner to the nearest Hold right after Threadfall. It shouldn't take him more than a day to get there, and surely Lord Holder Corman will… he… he'll do _something_."

Elrenia certainly _hoped_ that this was the case. She wanted the Lord Holder, any Lord Holder, to make things better again. They were supposed to control the people beholden to them, and in this her own Lord had failed. She didn't blame him though, part of her doubted that he was even aware of Levic's existence. It wasn't his fault because he didn't know that anything was wrong. If she'd gone to him after her brother's death... _They would have taken the Cothold from me_. She had no doubt of this. It was land they could use for something else, and with her having no real hold over the area she would have had no say in the matter. She kept her problems a secret so as to avoid being Holdless, but in doing so forced herself into that very position.

"Why did you come _here_ though?" Gareva asked a bit reluctantly after a moment. "Levic is under Benden Hold, is it not? Couldn't Lord Raid be of more use?"

"Keroon is closer right now," Rilow rationalized. "When necessary, he will contact Benden and I'm sure things will move on from there." He stopped his stroking, took a deep breath. "Why _did_ you come here, instead of going east to Benden?"

"The river," Elrenia breathed. "Levic is just past the river. I… could not have… a-a-and _his_ Hold is that way. I… I should have, b-but, I…"

"Hush. I understand. We were safer for you to come to. I… I am _so _sorry about Kelby."

"He's right. I shouldn't be here."

"Nonsense!"

"I'll leave first thing tomorrow."

"You'll be doing no such thing, Elrenia!" Rilow snapped.

"You're in no condition," Gareva tried to reason immediately after.

"I don't want to put you all in danger. I-if _he_ decides… I… you must say you've never seen me." The girl sat up, turned to look at the two. "When he comes looking for me, you must say you have never heard the name 'Elrenia' before. As soon as I leave, I stop existing."

"Elrenia…"

"Please," the girl begged softly. "_Please. _I… I cannot allow more… he cannot hurt anyone else because of me. You need to promise that you'll do this."

"I—"

"_Please_!" the word sounded desperate. "Just until I figure out what to do. I can't allow you to be hurt because of me. You're too kind."

"You're too calm," Rilow breathed. "Elrenia, if you do not express what you're feeling it will destroy you. I've seen people die of grief. You—"

"I will be fine, as soon as I figure out what I must do," she almost snapped. "_Promise_ me."

Rilow stared at the reborn woman, nothing at all like the sobbing wreck of an hour before, the trembling mess from just a few moments ago. There was a fire in her eyes suddenly, a determination that he didn't often see in minor Holder girls, much less _Cot_holder girls. She may not have had a plan of action, but she knew where her journey had to take her, and she planned on crawling every step of the the way if it was the only way to get there. He reached out, thumbed her cheek, and nodded his head. "I promise." And Elrenia moved in to hug the man again, reminded so much of her own brother, and allowed herself to be comforted by the comparison. She would be gone in the morning, so now it was time to rest.

The moment was only interrupted as Grela opened the door as quietly as possible, one arm held out behind her in a sort of staying gesture. Elrenia turned at the vague sound made by the door, and tilted her head at the woman who seemed to be surveying them. When she saw that there was no talking, and all more or less seemed well, she led Keral in by his hand, motioning him toward the bed.

"I hope you don't mind," she murmured. "He was going out of his head with worry."

"I don't mind at all," Elrenia spoke with a gentle smile. "Come here, Keral." And when the boy approached with the hesitance of a startled wherry, the brunette touched his cheek and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. "You were very brave." The color he turned was impressive, but the girl didn't tease, she simply patted the cheek she'd kissed and repeated, "Very brave. Thank you, Keral."

"Y-y-you're welcome, M'lady," the boy stammered shocked by the transformation of the woman.

Just as before, the title struck Elrenia, but instead of allowing it to wash over her this time she shook her head in denial. "I'm no Lady, Keral."

"Well you sure don't look like a man."

"Keral!" Grela scolded.

But still the boy insisted, "If you ain't a man, you's a Lady."

For a moment it looked like the pregnant woman would rap the boy about the head for his insolence, but the words brought a little smile to the visitors face. "Undeniable logic," she murmured. "Absolutely undeniable."

Grela waited just a moment, allowed the two to stare at one another, before touching her little brother's arm. "Keral? You see she's well, yes?"

"Yeah, Grela."

"Then let us go. She still needs to eat, and rest. You should probably be sleeping as well. The night's gotten away from us today. Rilow, shall we leave the ladies?"

The Harper looked from his wife to Elrenia, and touched the girl's cheek. "Will you be well?"

"Go," she urged. "Your woman needs you."

It didn't take very long for Elrenia to be left in the room alone. Even Gareva left to go speak momentarily to her mother. "Eat," the girl ordered as she moved toward the door. Over her shoulder she said, "I expect that bowl to be empty when I return."

"Yes Gareva. I'll eat. I promise." And she did, sitting back on the bed Elrenia balanced the bowl on her legs to eat, outrageously hungry the moment the first mouthful had been swallowed. She finished the cooling meal quickly, and found herself longing for more, but instead hesitantly moved a pillow to support her back and tried to relax.

She wanted to explore the room, but didn't want to invade Gareva's privacy. She knew from experience how annoying it was to give someone the use of a room, and find the small allowance immediately taken advantage of. The girl had been unbelievably kind, and so Elrenia wanted to be as respectful as possible. That meant keeping her curiosities to herself. She was just going to lay there and try to rest. A task that initially seemed impossible, but ended up easier than expected. The relaxation allowed her to doze before very long, the bone deep exhaustion not exactly making the task _difficult_, though the way her head fell to the side caused a kink in her neck. She may have even fallen asleep when a knock sounded at the door. She flinched, fell forward, forced herself back so as to stay on the bed and hit her head against the wall for her troubles. So it was on a groan that the girl called, "Come in?"

She looked over, and was shocked to find Kelby in the doorway, granted his demeanor seemed to have changed dramatically from however long ago the catastrophe that was dinner happened. He didn't look so angry and suspicious anymore. Instead he looked… awkward, quite frankly. As though he hadn't the slightest clue what to do with his hands, they were twisting the hem of his tunic. As though he didn't know whether he should look at her or not, his eyes were darting all around the room.

"Sir?" the girl spoke quietly, carefully. She didn't want to anger him again, but couldn't deal with the racing of her heart that his standing there was causing much longer.

"I…" his eyes settled on her finally, and she caught the gaze, but it only lasted for a moment before he was staring at the wall over her shoulder. "Rilow told me what happened. Told me your story. What… I do not believe that I could efficiently apologize for… for the… the insult I've served you today."

The girl, shocked and embarrassed by the admission, shrugged her shoulders dismissively. "How could you have known?" she asked.

"I knew your father," he explained lowly. "Y-you are the little one? The girl?"

"Yes."

"I met you once. You came here, sharing a runner with your father. I—"

"Don't apologize. I was just a child, and I've grown since then. You couldn't have known who I was simply by looking," Elrenia explained. She looked very much at peace until, suddenly, she blurted, "It's your son you should be apologizing to." The words were fierce. "You… you were savage with him! You… you beat him, when you _should_ have been proud of the man he's becoming. How old is young Keral?"

The man stared firmly at the ground as he said, "Nearly thirteen."

"And he's already a man."

"I know."

It shocked the woman to see how sincere the man was in that simple acknowledgement, deflating her righteous anger instantly. He _knew_ that his boy wasn't so young anymore. He knew, and perhaps he _was_ proud of this. Proud of his son, and ashamed of himself. What Keral said was correct, it seemed. Kelby was _not_ usually so hostile. Whatever the situation was, shocked by the tragedy that happened at Levic, fearful for his own flesh and blood, pressured by a bad harvest, he was not regularly cruel. Not to his family and not to anyone else. Her own father may have loved her, but never once did he apologized for having done something to her or anyone else in her family. She could not recall a single instance where he admitted fault. He loved deeply, passionately, but he had a thin skinned mans pride. Kelby was different than him in this.

"I… understand that you were worried for your family," Elrenia provided absolution. "I would have been too. A stranger, wounded, showing up right after a series of murders. I'm not sure I would have acted any differently to my presence were I you. Just… go. Go to Keral, and make things all right with him. The relationship between father and son is more important than anything else."

Kelby stared at the girl for a moment before inclining his head and leaving the room. She heard his steps fade down the hallway, heard a door open, a sort of murmur sounded, and then the same door seemed to close. She hoped the man was taking her advice, and tried to relax again. It was surprisingly easy. In the little room, in the small Hold, away from the world she felt surprisingly secure. She refused to consider the fact that she would be leaving soon.

When Gareva finally returned, it was with a white sheath of fabric, held out in offering as sleepwear. "That dress won't be comfortable if you intend to get actual _sleep_," the girl explained. "I managed to scrounge up some pants for you to wear when you leave tomorrow. I… I figured it would be easier than traveling in a gown."

"Thank you," the girl breathed, still touched by the infinite kindness apparent in her young hostess. She moved, and willingly accepted help undressing this time. She knew she could not undo the ties of the dress on her own, and since Gareva understood the situation she was slightly less ashamed of the massive bruises and various cuts about her body. The nightgown was soft to the touch, kind to the skin in a way so few fabrics are, and she smiled as she rubbed one long sleeve against her cheek.

"Do you like it?"

"It's very nice for nightwear."

"You… can keep it, if you want."

"Gareva…"

"No! I… I _want _you to have it. You don't have anything else, and… what are you supposed to wear when you go to sleep, if you didn't bring anything with you?"

Elrenia didn't have the heart to tell the girl that she probably wouldn't be sleeping anywhere that would allow her to dress up. She couldn't strip out of her clothes in the dead of night and change, only to ruin the nightgown on a forest floor or a grassy field. She knew it to be the truth, but kept her mouth shut, smiling warmly at the girl instead. For several moments after Gareva simply stared at her, head tilted just slightly to the side in contemplation.

"Gareva?"

"How… forgive me for asking but, how did you suddenly… change?"

"Excuse me?" Elrenia shifted in her seat on the bed, crossing her legs and holding her ankles in an entirely childish manner. "I'm afraid I don't… understand."

"You were so upset. So… and you had every right to be," Gareva murmured, moving to sit beside the girl on her bed. "But now you're okay. Why are you suddenly okay with… with everything? Why are you not upset anymore? How did you _do_ that?"

Elrenia's expression shifted slightly at this, eyes drifting toward the bed covering, fingers picking at the hem of the skirt. "There's… no point in wallowing in self pity," she said quietly. "I'm still upset. I… I will _always_ be upset. But… crying won't bring them back, it will only blur my vision as I try to…"

"Try to?"

"I… don't even know what I'm going to do."

"You're going to go to your family," Gareva said with unexpected ferocity. "Then you're going to go to the nearest Lord Holder, and from there everything will be solved."

Elrenia looked at Gareva, just stared for a moment, and nodded her head. "You're right," she said. "That is exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to get to a Lord Holder, and explain the situation."

"But you're going to go to your family first?"

"My family is dead," the girl said.

"But you said—"

"One of my sisters was dead before... this. One of my brothers was dead. My other brother moved away from Fort recently. My other sisters…" Elrenia shook her head, laid back on the bed and sighed. "I don't know how to _get_ to my family, Gareva. The children were dropped off for a visit, and… I don't know where the adults went. There were only eight kids, but your father said they found twelve bodies. I…"

"You have no idea who it could be?"

"Almost definitely my oldest sister, because she was the one teaching the children. I… don't know about the others."

Silence descended as the girls moved to cover themselves, warding off the chill slipping into the room. They just laid there, side by side for a moment, until Elrenia's hand was held under the blanket. "Everything will be okay," the redhead promised. And though the brunette hardly believed it, she settled into sleep without any prompting, hand still grasped by her new friend.


	6. Chapter 5

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 5**

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_**As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**_

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She smelled fire again, and the panic was perhaps worse than ever before. The chance of Kelby's Hold burning down just after her own had been destroyed in the same way was too much of a coincidence for her to accept. Fire meant that _he_ had located her, and was either going to take her away and destroy the Hold, or do so with her still inside. It was entirely possible that he'd decided she was more trouble than she was worth. Entirely possible that he knew she was there, and decided he was best off annihilating the only remaining witness to his crimes.

And at the realization that the large, kind family was about to die because of her, she started to rise only to find that she couldn't. She couldn't move her arms, her legs, her head – nothing. She couldn't open her eyes. She couldn't open her mouth to call out or scream. She was frozen. Held down by some unknown force, and the helpless feeling stopped her breath. _No!_ she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. _I won't let you do this again! You can't do this!_ But try as she might, the words would not come. No matter how intense the internal struggle there was no external counterpart.

She tried to shift, managed to move just a little, and was almost immediately pinned back in place. The darkness was overwhelming, and as the smell of smoke choked her she wanted to cry. She coughed, struggled, tried to move even as she felt fingers close around her shoulders. She jerked up, was held down, and tried to shout. A noise was made this time, and triumphantly she tried to call again, but a hand was preventing her from doing so.

"Elrenia," she heard murmured, and struggled harder, a warm sickly feeling crawling along her flesh. Fire. She was on fire, and someone was holding her down. Holding her down into the fire! Someone was killing her, and she couldn't do anything to stop it. She struggled more fiercely as someone snapped, "Elrenia! Wake up!"

_Wake up?_ her mind reiterated, and as quickly as it had begun the smell of smoke was gone. The hands remained, but the feeling of encroaching death had disappeared. A figment of her cruel imagination, and as hands shook her gently Elrenia was finally able to open her eyes. Rilow was the one holding her down, a look of concern on his face that was surprising. The moment he realized she was conscious, he breathed a sigh of relief, slowly removing his hand from her mouth.

"Elrenia?" the man breathed.

"W-what happened?"

"A nightmare," the man explained with another sigh of relief. "Just a nightmare. You were crying about a fire."

Immediately it felt as though she was being choked by the imagined smoke again. She reached out, touched Rilow's cheek to ensure that _this_ wasn't the dream, conjured up while in the throes of death. The man gripped her hand in his own, and touched her forehead as though checking for fever. He looked sincerely concerned and so she allowed him to do what he wanted to. He touched her forehead, her face, and her neck until he finally seemed content. The two stared at each other a moment longer, just stared, until finally all the tension left Elrenia's body at once, and she relaxed into the bed. It was then that she noticed a concerned looking Gareva being held by her older sister in the doorway.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I… I… I'm always causing trouble."

"No," Grela said. "You're not, dear."

"We needed to wake you either way," Rilow interrupted a denial. "If you still wish to leave today, now is the best time to go about it."

"Now?" Elrenia looked to the window, out at the predawn light, and balked. "W-why now?"

"No one will be there to try to stop you," the man explained quietly. "I figured you didn't want a fight during your departure. We will handle the explanations for you. Unless you wish to stay?"

"I can't."

"Then we're best to prepare you. The girls will handle your clothes. I'll go get some numbweed for those feet. All right?"

"Yes," the brunette said. And then, "Thank you Rilow."

He just smiled at her before leaving the room. The girls were quick about their business, pulling out a tunic and a pair of leggings that fit Elrenia surprisingly well considering they obviously belonged to a man. They were looser than she liked around the thighs and fell to the floor as a sheath of fabric rather than fitting closely. "I altered them last night," the older of the siblings explained quietly. "Just a little. I took them in at the waist so they might have a chance fitting your frame. Luckily Rilow is a small man. Had he been much bigger, we never would have had a chance."

"You're too kind to me," the girl insisted. The pants were still a little too loose at her waist to be warn without fear, but the cinching of a belt saw to the matter in no time. Gareva had a series of shoes set out, all boots, all different sizes. Just from sight Elrenia could tell that two of them were too small, one was _far_ too large, but the others would need to be tested. Clearly the girls had spent the last evening raiding the closest of their family members, and as uncomfortable as that made the girl, she was grateful. She'd walked her simple boots to shreds getting to Kelby's Hold. She _needed_ new ones.

Rilow returned then, with a jar of numbweed, and a pair of thick socks. He knelt before her without any hesitation, patting his knee expectantly. "Come on," he urged when after several seconds she hadn't moved. "Your feet, now. I need to get this on you, or you won't be able to make it anywhere. Unless you want to try to convince me that they don't hurt."

"Oh, trust me. They hurt."

"Then put them up."

So she did, allowing the man to slather them with a judicial amount of numbweed. He moved to her arms next, unwrapping the old bindings so he could clean and rewrap them. Luckily none of the wounds away from her feet were too severe. She didn't think she was at serious risk for infection, which lightened the weight on her shoulders significantly. Rilpw waited several moments for the numbweed to settle in before binding her feet carefully with a long bandage, so that no fabric from the socks would get into the abrasions as he pulled them over her feet.

"Move, Rilow," Gareva urged quietly. She nudged him just slightly to the side so that she could pull up the first pair of boots, which were immediately rejected with the second. "Your feet are about the only big part of your body," the girl muttered in a sort of frustration as the search for the best fitting boot went on. She didn't even realize that what she'd said was insulting until her sister kicked her bottom, startling her into almost falling face first to the ground. "Grela!" she hissed.

"Your _chest_ is about the only _big_ thing on you!" her sister snapped lowly.

Gareva went red and then pale, lowering her gaze when she turned back to Elrenia. "Sorry."

"No, it's true," Elrenia dismissed. "They've always been… abnormally large."

"Still, I shouldn't have said it."

"And you accept that, so I accept that you didn't say it as an insult. If _you_ are frustrated, imagine how I feel having to _buy_ boots."

Gareva smiled slightly at the attempt at humor, but didn't laugh. There was an odd sort of tension in the air, something that Elrenia didn't quite understand. She could accept that maybe the girls didn't want her to go. Maybe the Harper wanted her to stay until he could get his message out. However, beyond that she had no clue what the problem could possibly be. Maybe it had to do with her nightmare. They'd been startled by her apparently violent reaction to it…

"Ahha!" Gareva sounded just a little loudly, and looked up at her sister with a kind of shame. "These look like they'll fit. Can we try them?"

"Of course."

And the sock covered foot was shimmied into the shoe, Elrenia was made to stand to test it out, and when she was able to circle the room two full times Rilow nodded his head in acceptance. "All right," he said, "you got your boots." But once more there was something hanging in the air, left unsaid and festering in itself.

Elrenia didn't want to broach the subject, because she didn't know if it was proper for her to. But right as the tension was becoming suffocating, Rilow moved to sit next to her on the bed, and pulled out a scroll. At least it looked like a scroll, initially. It was a rolled up piece of hide that, upon unrolling it, revealed a detailed map of the area.

"In a few hours, Thread will fall." And suddenly it was apparent why the room was tense. "It usually takes one hour to get to _this_ outcrop of rocks," and the man indicated the spot on the map. "With your feet, you're going to have to cut through this field to get there."

"Cut through the field?"

"It's where the wherries roam about," Gareva explained. "You're going to have to be very careful. One of the stable hands are going to be there an hour or so before fall to move them."

"You can't be caught," Grela breathed. "They… we've lost wherries to travelers recently, so they're not very gentle when people show up. You cannot be seen by them."

"You need to cut through and get to the rocks," Rilow insisted, "Get to them, and stay there until well after fall. Then… I can only wish you luck."

"Thank you."

There was a moment when no one moved, and then Elrenia got to her feet. It was still dim outside, but there was enough light to maneuver by, and so she decided to leave before her resolve completely vanished. She was prepared to walk out, with just the clothes on her back, but a bag was shoved into her arms, the maps into her hand. She flinched, looked at the three critically, and inclined her head thankfully. This was not something she would say no to.

"Clothes and food," Gareva said about the bag, as she took hold of a bit of the girl's tunic and started leading her from the room. "I hope that you will always remember me."

"I could never forget."

"You are my _friend_," Gareva insisted.

"I know," Elrenia smiled, securing the bag over her shoulder with an oddly practiced ease, cultivated by carrying bushels and bags of produce from her fields. "And you are mine." She was hugged, comforted by it, and returned the embrace emphatically. "I will return someday," she promised. "I will return, and I will repay your kindness somehow. I swear to this."

"Please be safe."

It was amazing, really, how attached people could get to one another after so short a period of time. Elrenia hugged Grela next, whispering her thanks and a similar promise to meet her again in the future. It was when she got to Rilow that she paused, unsure of how to show her thanks to the man, so much like her older brother, but married. She shouldn't touch him, she knew. It would be wrong for her to do so. But when she looked at the door she was about to leave through, she found it hard to turn her back on him. So kind. So gentle. She…

She rushed forward, hugged him with a sort of desperation that had not been present as she embraced the women. She held on to him for significantly longer, because as she did so she was holding her deceased brother as well. Hugging him, _loving_ him one last time. "You're so much like him," she murmured absently, and the moment she did so a hand stroked her hair. "And I miss him so much."

"Your brother would be proud of you," he breathed. He held her a moment longer, strengthened his grip just for a second, and released her. "Go, Elrenia. You—"

"You're jus' gonna leave?" The girl looked back and was ashamed to see the hurt expression on Keral's face. "No goodbye, or nothin'?"

"Keral," Grela soothed, moving to touch his arm, but he pulled away.

"Father always says that if someone does somethin' good for ya, ya gotta… ya gotta be _thankful_ to them. Ya can't jus' walk away like nothin's happened."

"I _am_ thankful, Keral," Elrenia whispered. She really just wanted to get out, get away. She wanted to get to the outcropping of rocks so she could hide. So threadfall would come and go, and she could continue her travels. But the look on the boys face prevented her from just leaving. She moved forward, touched his cheek, and delicately leaned over so she didn't stand a head taller than him anymore. "More thankful than I know how to convey with words. Dear one…" She shook her head. "Speak to Rilow later, dear," she said, glancing back at the man as though seeking permission. "He will tell you _everything_. You cannot tell the children though," she warned. "They're too young to understand the severity of things, and I trust that you can keep this to yourself, yes?"

The young boy nodded his head, seemingly pleased with the implication of trust. _He_ was being trusted with an adult matter. A secret. And for this, he was willing to let go. "I will, Elrenia. I won't tell a soul."

"I know you won't. And, much as I wish I could stay, I need to leave. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

And so, with one last glance about the group, the girl slipped through the front door and into the light of dawn. The air was crisp, just cool enough to be uncomfortable in a pair of leggings that weren't quite thick enough to keep the cold from her skin. If things could have been delayed just… just a _few_ days maybe she could have avoided threadfall altogether, this far north. The frost was getting worse with each day that passed. With any luck the thread would soon be falling as black snow. The luck, of course, would not be hers. Because when it finally did get too cold for fall, she'd be too far south to feel the affect, or dead.

_Dead_, the word rang in her mind. Death wasn't anything new to her, really. She'd first learned about it when her favorite runner broke his leg and died of a subsequent infection when she'd just past her fifth turn. Even close to twenty turns later, she remembered the poor thing lying on the ground in the stable, breathing labored as it fought hard to survive but couldn't. In retrospect, it was a bit odd. She'd cried hysterically for that creature, but when her mother died just a few years later she hadn't shed a tear. She hadn't cried for her father, her brother _or_ her sister. She'd cried this time, but perhaps it wasn't the loss she was feeling quite as keenly as the cruelty of the whole thing.

She couldn't grasp the concept, really. Cruelty. It had always existed. People had tried to take the lands of Levic from her father when she was just barely old enough to remember, again after her mother passed, again when he did. They'd never succeeded, of course. The family had been willing to fight to the death to keep their home, because while lands were demanded there was never any notion of relocation. They were really, _truly_ willing to force an entire family Holdless, simply to get a few measly acres of partially inhospitable land. People were cruel, and this wasn't new to her, but she didn't understand _why_ people were cruel.

Her father, after she'd thrown the men from the Hold after they came while the loss of her mother was still keenly felt, had taken her to his lap and explained, "Some men take pleasure in the misery of others." In some ways this explained things, and in others it just confused it more. So people did bad things because they wanted to, but she still couldn't understand _why_ some people wanted to do bad things. She didn't understand how _anyone_ could derive pleasure from the pain of others. She didn't understand why it worked, but… she finally understood the means to the end of it, more so than she'd ever truly wanted to. If she could erase any wonderment of the subject in order to fix the world, she would have, but more than anything else she knew that wishing would not solve her problems.

The sun was bright by the time she decided this. A small group of wherries, probably having escaped the clutches of their caretakers, were in the field grazing. The frost toughened grass crackled lightly beneath her feet, and at the noise several wiry necks turned in her direction. The beady eyes of the largest wherry stared at her for a long calculating moment, and she stopped just for a moment to stare back. They'd never raised wherries back in Levic – they never had enough land to, but the creatures had always fascinated her.

They had wings, but she'd always been told that they couldn't fly. They were too large and too weak to get any true altitude, but then dragons were much large. Just looking at the creature that was quickly turning away from her to return his attentions to eating, she could tell he was strong. She could see muscle bulging under hide in his haunches as he bent, and moved in search of the tastiest morsels. It looked so _very_ strong, but couldn't fly, and Elrenia rather wished that it could. Did it know what was in store for it? Did it realize that when it got big enough it would probably be slaughtered?

_Probably not_, she decided. Or, if it did know, it knew that _she_ was no danger to it. The entire group seemed unaffected by her presence, perhaps a little suspicious at first, but otherwise unbothered. When she was younger, and desperately wanted some sort of creature to care for on the family's meager farm, she'd been told that wherries were too much trouble because they were scared of everything, everyone. In later years she'd learned that their skittishness was being used as an excuse so that her father wouldn't have to explain that their _Cot_hold was too small to house the creatures fairly. But even with that the truth remained that they _did_ tend toward being jumpy.

They were _not_ bothered by her, however, and this almost put a smile to her face. She was aware that, beyond outside factors, she was not a danger to anyone or thing. She was not one of those men her father spoke of. She was in no way sadistic. She did not enjoy hurting things, did not enjoy seeing things hurt, and so the wherries did not mind her. It was as though they could _sense_ that she would not hurt them, would not hurt _any_one. _Except for him._

The thought came unbidden, and the girl found herself slightly surprised by it. She was shocked by the fact that somewhere, deep in the recesses of her mind, she was actively contemplating causing the man harm. She wanted to go before the conclave and tell them all about the damnable man. She wanted to demand that he be served a punishment fit for his crime, demand that he be beaten, burned alive, fed to thread! And the moment the thought crossed her mind she wanted to retch.

The large wherry was looking at her again, and immediately she felt ashamed. As though the creature was judging her, and it was well deserved. She supposed even _he_ didn't deserve to suffer so. She'd heard of people being hurt by thread. She'd heard horrible tales of flesh being literally _eaten_ by the silvery slivers as they fell from the sky, and to think that even _idly_ she'd wished it upon a living creature, even one so disgusting as him made her shiver from an imagined cold.

She sighed and tried to shake the thought from her mind, continuing down an incline that was steep enough to require her attention. She needed to walk on her heels to maintain her balance, digging in her toes when the grass prove itself slicker than anticipated. It wasn't very long before she was halfway down, and she could see the almost strategically organized outcropping of rocks that she needed to get to in the distance. But just as she thought she was home free there was a sort of warbling-keen, and something crashed into her.

She cried out as she hit the ground, rolling the rest of the way down the hill only to be trampled by several small wherries. Their weight didn't hurt nearly as bad as their claws, and the girl let out a whine as she curled up instinctively against the pain. She could feel gouges being ripped into her side as another creature ran over her, jumping but failing to clear her all the way. She heard the frantic steps of more running, but before a single one could touch her there was a blast of wind, and she heard the oddly feather-furred creature cry out.


	7. Chapter 6

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 6**

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_**As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**_

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It took her a moment to get her breathing under control enough to investigate the cause of the stampede, and upon turning her head just slightly to the left her vision was filled with the largest creature she'd ever seen. So close up, its eye alone was nearly the size of her head. Its skin was blue and shining in the sunlight, with the dead wherry held in its jaws where it had lifted the thing up and away from her prone form. Protected her. _It… protected me? _Not it. _He_. Blue dragons were male and, suddenly, she realized that she was in the presence of a dragon.

She didn't know what to do, too awestruck by the sight to comprehend that there was a man agilely leaping from the creature's back. For a moment she forgot entirely that dragons and riders went hand in hand, but that hardly mattered. The creature was what mattered, so large that it could easily destroy her, but so inherently kind to humans that she trusted it would not. Dragons would never hurt a person, that's what her brother had always assured her even as her father told her horror stories of people with burn scars and claw gouges. She stared at the whirling orbs that seemed to look everywhere and nowhere at once, and took a deep, shaky breath.

_Sorry_, she heard vaguely even as a jovial voice sounded, "Well you might as well eat it! Waste not, want not!" She looked toward the man when she heard this, blinking dumbly as the large creature lurched just a little ways to the side, turning its head from the both of them to render flesh from bone and enjoy the meal it accidentally made for itself.

The man looked at her then, concern written on every inch of his face as he pulled his riding cap from his head and jogged toward her. She noted immediately the way his dark hair fell messily about his head, cascading into his bright eyes like a young boy who didn't care enough to bother with it by either cutting or tending it. He looked at her briefly, taking in the bruise darkening her cheek, the restlessness of her eyes, the pale, sickly tone of her skin, and at last the fresh blood seeping from beneath her tunic before gasping, "Are you well, child?"

It was the anxiety in his tone that broke her from her contemplation, and immediately she sighed, "It's been long since I've been a child, Blue Rider." She was already moving to sit up from her half fetal curl when she heard the rustle of frozen grass as the eating dragon shifted to gaze at her. Elrenia could not help but meet those eyes, not in the least bothered by the almost calculating stare.

_Small one?_

"I am not small," Elrenia said immediately to the man, taking offense at the insistence of her youth. First calling her a child, then small. She may not have been old, but she could tell by looking that she stood at least several inches taller than he did. If he thought _she_ was a small child, then _he_ was a babe! She narrowed stormy eyes at him, working herself into a fury, even as he stepped back just slightly and looked at her in confusion. Lowly, slowly, she repeated, "I am _not_ small, Blue Rider."

"I… did not say that you were."

Elrenia's attention was attracted momentarily as the dragon moved again in her peripheral vision, inching closer to her and his rider with an almost awkward gait as it tilted its wedge shaped head. She wanted, with every bit of her soul, to stare at the fascinating creature forever, but it wasn't long before her eyes snapped back to the man as she heard, _Small one? Are you well?_

"I am _not_ small!" she said again, finding the urge to hit him nearly overwhelming.

"I can _see_ that," the rider practically snapped back, crossing his arms in a petulant manner as he glared back at the girl. "You _aren't_ small!"

"Then stop _saying_ that I am!"

"I've done no such thing!"

Glaring even harder for a moment, Elrenia shifted her eyes to the floor so she could see where she was putting her hands as she levered herself up. She bit her tongue so as to avoid letting out any sound that could possibly betray her discomfort, and forced out the words, "My respect, Blue Rider." She bowed briefly, carefully, completely oblivious to the fact that she could easily request help from the man standing before her as she kept her mind and mouth under firm control to avoid serving the man insult. Had it occurred to her, she probably wouldn't have asked for help anyway. He was enjoying teasing her when she _wasn't_ indebted to him, and she didn't want to put up with the impudence were she to owe him her life. "I'll leave you and yours."

She turned and took several steps right before the words, _Small one, you limp,_ sounded.

"I do not!" came the immediate denial, hands clenching into fists at her side as she resisted the urge to clobber the insolent youth. _How old is he anyway? Seventeen? Eighteen at the very most, and he thinks that he can talk to just anyone this way? _It was like dealing with a younger cousin, or her brother, both of whom enjoyed pointing out the way her width did not even remotely match her height. She was too tall to be so thin, and the thought that this man, this man who should have garnered every respect was _mocking_ her over it made her blood boil.

It seemed what her father always used to tell her about dragonriders was correct. They were proud men, with heads far too big to be held up by their bodies. They assumed they deserved everything, and needed to give nothing back save the service of fighting thread. This, of course, was a formidable act, even her father couldn't deny that. But it didn't change the outrageous attitude. It didn't make the man any more relatable. It was the reason dragonmen lived in Weyrs, away from everyone else. They just couldn't fit in with regular, respectable Holders.

So Elrenia was walking away before she had the chance to do something she regretted. She wasn't one for violence, but she was well used to dealing with naughty children. _He will __**not**__ enjoy being treated like a naughty child_, even if he was one. She was going to walk away, and pretend that nothing ever happened. She respected the good that the young man did well enough to _try_ to spare him the embarrassment.

But she'd hardly turned and walked three paces when fingers closed around her wrist. She flinched violently, and had to abruptly abort the striking motion her hand had taken up upon turning. Light brown eyes were searching her face even as the man kept a hold of her wrist, bowing his head in apology for touching her without permission. "You…" he trailed off for a moment, looking Elrenia up and down almost curiously once more before saying, "My Lady, you're limping."

"I am _not_!" this came out just short of a shout.

"And you're pale," the man continued in the wake of her growing anger. "Are you well?"

"Quite!" she snapped irritably. She wasn't so angry as frightened by the touch now. She just wanted to leave. She wanted to walk away, and forget that the man existed, but he didn't seem pleased to allow her to do that. She didn't know his intentions, and all the muscles in her arms tensed as she resisted the urge to rip herself from his grip. She wanted away, not just from him, but from men entirely. She muttered, "I'd be pleased for you to _release_ me!"

"We could fly you home," the young man offered kindly, but the girl tensed further.

The muscles in her shoulders bunched, as though debating whether she should attack or flee. Both hands clenched into fists, and her teeth clicked audibly as she forced her jaw shut. She did not want to think of home. Did not want memories conjured by this man who seemed to be getting an odd pleasure from taunting her one second, and trying to help her the next. He was cocky, she could see it in the way he held himself, and she didn't like that. She didn't like the way she couldn't tell whether he was smiling or frowning as his lips pulled into a thin line.

"My lady?"

He didn't have any right to act concerned when he kept insulting her every time she turned away. He didn't have any right to touch her, just because he _thought_ she was limping. She wasn't. Limping indicated pain, and wounds, and unwellness! But she was _fine_. Just fine. She didn't need him to care. Didn't _want_ him to care. She wanted him to go away, so she could get over to the rocks and just…

"My lady, are you—"

"I am _well_, Blue Rider!" this she _did_ shout, ripping her wrist from his grip even as the motion made the gouges in her side sting, and almost threw her off balance. Her eyes widened just a fraction when she realized she had no way of controlling her descent, horrified that she was about to make a fool out of herself in front of the man-boy. But he moved forward to steady her. He reached out, and grabbed both of her arms before she could tip too far into a tumble, freezing as her eyes narrowed, and her lips issued the order, "Leave me."

_She is not well._

"Koth does not believe that you are well, my lady," the man tried to soothe. He moved forward to grasp her shoulder, but withdrew at a second withering look.

She just glared the worst glare she could summon, whether the young man deserved her contempt or not. She supposed there was nothing wrong with him showing concern about someone, but she wasn't _someone, _and he should not have been showing concern about _her_. He needed to understand this, so she _glowered _at him. There was something different in Elrenia's eyes this time though. A sort of curiosity that spurred the quietly murmured, "Koth?"

Almost as if in response to the questioning tone, the blue dragon tilted his head, gaining her attention once more. He lowered his large head so that he was more or less at eyelevel with the girl, and stared with a curiosity that mimicked her tone of voice. Its eyes were jewels, swirling lavender and yellow as it inched ever closer to them. She wondered briefly if dragons ever got curious about things, but wasn't about to ask such a childish question to the young man. Instead she repeated the questioning, "Koth?" in case he hadn't heard her the first time.

"My dragon," the man explained, finally resting his hand on her. "His name is Koth."

"Yes," the girl said, interested in the explanation until he touched her. So instead of expressing further curiosity she flinched as the man closed his fingers carefully over his shoulder, and jerked from his grip again. "Well, tell _Koth_ that I'm quite well. Thank you."

_But you are not well, small one._

"I am not small!"

"My lady?" the man asked again. "Are you sure you're well?"

"Yes! I just said that I was!" she growled.

She just wanted to get to the rocks, and curl up, and die. The thought came so suddenly that it shocked her even as she was startled by the colors of the dragon's eyes shifting. They got more intense, if it were even possible, swirling madly as she heard, _You cannot want to die. You are not well._

"I _am_ well!" she snapped, throwing her hands into the air in frustration as the dragonrider settled a look on her that said, quite clearly, that he thought she was insane. "Why _wouldn't_ I be?"

Quietly, almost hesitantly the man said, "You… are speaking to yourself."

And this startled the girl, made her take a self-conscious and painful step back as it was _her_ turn to stare at him like he was out of his mind. She… wasn't speaking to herself. She was responding to him. They were having a conversation. Granted, it wasn't terribly coherent or polite, but it was _still_ a conversation. And in order to illustrate this point she said, "In response to you, I am speaking."

"No," the man said quietly. "You aren't. I've not once called you 'small'," he explained, physically wavering between stepping toward her again and moving as far away as possible. The hesitation had him shifting from foot to foot, swaying slightly toward and away from her. As though she both drew and repelled him, which was probably the case. "Clearly you aren't small. You're taller than I am. But… you keep insisting that you aren't."

"Because I'm _not_," Elrenia couldn't help but insert, voice not nearly as fierce as it had been.

"Agreed!"

"Then… what's the problem." Now she found herself confused. Her anger fizzled away, morphed into discomfiture, and she didn't know what to do with her hands. "W-we both agree that I am not small, s-so…"

"Yes," the man breathed in relief, feeling that she was beginning to understand, oblivious to the fact that she was just growing more and more confused. "But why were you just insisting on this as though I'd insulted you?"

"You kept calling me small!" The anger was back.

"I've not!"

"'Small one,' you said," she mimicked in the deepest voice she could muster. "'Small one, are you well? Are you hurt?' But _I am not small_!"

"You're not!" he agreed rather emphatically. "And I've done no such thing!"

"But you did!" she shouted with less anger and more hysteria. He seemed sincerely convinced that she was making the whole thing up, and for a moment it almost felt as though she had. If she really thought about it, she couldn't help but think that the… voice calling her small did not quite match his, even though it had to be him. He was the only other person in the area, unless there was someone hiding behind the rocks. And even as she turned to make sure there was no one playing any tricks, she knew that even if there _was_ they could not sound so close from so far away. "You were calling me small!" What if she _had_ imagined the whole thing? Did it mean she _was_ losing her mind? "You were calling me small! I-I wouldn't make this up!" But it seemed she was trying to convince herself more than him now, and he wasn't even paying attention to her.

He was looking at her, yes. Staring straight into her face, but it was almost as though he was staring _through _her. As though she didn't exist. She wanted to take offense, but the far off look on his face was oddly intriguing. It was as though he was in an entirely different plain. As though she could walk away and he would never notice. But as she moved forward to try to boldly shake him out of it he blinked, and with eyes barely focused on her he said, "Koth was speaking to you."

"Pardon?"

"He… Koth says that he was speaking to you," the boy spoke with a sort of awe in his voice. "He apologizes for causing trouble," came out with more confidence. "He won't speak to you anymore."

"Koth?" she murmured, and looked back at the lavender gems, tilting her own head to match the tilt of the blue wedge. The creature shifted his position again, agitated, and started to lean forward. Toward her. Part of her wanted to scream and run, but fascination kept her firmly in place as the blue moved close enough to nudge her stomach gently with his nose. It was amazing that such a large creature could be so gentle.

"He apologizes," the rider said quietly.

At the same moment the girl breathed, "I… he… he was speaking? T-to _me_?" There was nothing at all special about her. Surely nothing to garner the attention of a dragon. Especially not a fighting dragon, which this one was judging by the firestone sack hanging from his side. For a moment she felt like she couldn't breathe, and then she repeated, "He was speaking to me."

"Yes."

"And…" at this she looked almost shyly between the dragon and his rider. "And he… will not do it anymore? He… won't speak to me again?"

"No," the man assured, "He won't."

_Not unless you would like me to, small one_, a smooth, almost supple voice sounded. This time, confident in the knowledge that it was Blue Koth speaking to her, she was not nearly as insulted. She couldn't help but suppose that, in his eyes, she _was _quite small.

Still she could not quite wrap her mind around the idea, and repeated, "You… were speaking to me?" raising a hand to hesitantly touch the creatures snout.

_Yes_.

"But…" And perhaps this is why it confused her. "I… cannot hear dragons."

_Dragons can be heard by whomever they want to be heard by, _the creature explained matter-of-factly, almost as though it was something she should have known by instinct.

"And you… wanted me to hear you?"

_Yes_.

"My lady?" the blue rider spoke again, regaining the girl's hesitant attention. Her heart, it seemed, was beating in her throat. She didn't know how to handle the situation all of a sudden. Ashamed that she'd been so angry, and so rude to the man who'd done nothing but show concern for her. Worried that he was angry about it. Confused, flattered, and frightened that the great creature was taking an interest in her. "My lady," he repeated a little more urgently. "Are you well?"

"I…"

_Small one?_

"I-I…"

"If you are not…"

_Small one, what troubles you?_

"I-I-I…"

_Come with us, small one. We will take you to a safe place._

"Koth has bespoken Gold Ramoth," the rider said suddenly. "We will take you to Benden Weyr. He says that you must speak with the Weyrwoman."

"Benden?"

The man moved back toward his beast, waving a beckoning hand mildly as he said, "If you please, my lady." He was quick getting onto the blue, a sort of urgency to his movements that Elrenia didn't understand. Had she bothered looking toward the south, past the rocks she was meant to be hiding in, she would have seen the source of his haste—the leading edge of Fall, obvious in the distance if not by the darkening of the sky, then by the bursts of fire from the dragons therein. "My lady!"

The young woman blinked, stared at the extended hand, and had to seriously consider what she was meant to do with it. It didn't occur to her for a moment that she was meant to climb onto the dragon until a large blue foreleg extended toward her. And then she took a step away instead of toward. The thought of stepping on the beautiful creature in her clunky, soiled boots put a sour taste in her mouth, made her nervous.

The tone that spoke, "My lady," was quickly growing exasperated. "Please, step up and take my hand, we need to leave."

"B-but what if I hurt him?"

Hair was blown from her face as the dragon let out a snort of air, accompanied by his rider's burst of laughter. _You cannot hurt me small one_, the creature assured, eyes shifting from lavender to an opalescent blue just for a moment. _You could never hurt me. Climb now._

"He'll be fine," the rider assured, extending his hand further almost as if to entice her. And she finally took the proffered appendage, wincing as her wounded side stretched with the movement of stepping on the creature, and her feet screamed in agony. The rider was quick to realize that Elrenia was in pain, and immediately took charge, reaching down to grab and pull her from under the shoulders until he could reach and pull her the rest of the way up from her waist. She was pale as he settled her in front of him, as though all of the blood drained from her face in the seconds it took to pull her up. "My lady?" he murmured quietly, even as he balanced her and started removing his wherhide jacket.

"I'm fine," she assured quietly.

"Your leg is hurt?"

"I fell yesterday evening while traveling in the dark," she explained, startled to find the man's riding jacket placed over her shoulders. She tried to shrug it off, but he held it firmly in place. "Blue rider, please—"

"We'll be going _between_. I'd wager you never have been before, and you're not dressed for it," he explained. "You're hardly dressed for the cold of the fields here. Were you tending the wherries?"

"They're not mine."

"What are you doing here then?"

"Traveling. I received permission to travel from the Holder of these fields."

"And you're dressed lightly because… you like to freeze to death during threadfall?"

"Of course not," the girl murmured right before the man wrapped his arm around her waist, settling her properly in her seat before him as he coaxed her arms through the sleeves of the jacket. She tensed against him, fighting off the urge to struggle since she knew that a fall from the dragons back would only exacerbate previously exacerbated wounds.

"Do not be frightened, dear," he murmured kindly, patting her waist with his hand once she was wearing the garment. He shifted to grip her carefully. "I will not let you fall."

_That is not what I'm frightened of_, the thought came unbidden.

_Then what frightens you, small one?_

The girl wanted to glare at the dragon, but found herself hard pressed not to scream in terror as he lunged toward the sky and in three impressive wing beats was airborne. They soared high, gaining significant altitude in very little time, and finally the rider spoke, "I am H'val, rider of Blue Koth." His tone was pleasant enough, proud even, if not a little worried.

She considered not saying anything at all, but felt it was only proper to introduce herself. The only thing she said was, "Elrenia," though. No mention of sire or Hold. She gave no title, rank, or craft. Just her given name, and the man didn't ask for anything more. They just flew in silence for several minutes, the girl mesmerized by the sight of Kelby's Hold appearing in the distance. Amazed by the beauty of the grass and trees from the air.

"We are about to go _between_," was the way H'val broke the silence. "I'll advise you take a deep breath, and hold it for three long counts, Elrenia." She nodded carefully, and tensed further as she leaned back into his body, the warmth of his jacket doing nothing to ward of the cold of the air around them. "This is your first time dragonback, yes?"

"It is."

"Well, I assure you we are perfectly safe."

"I am not afraid."

_She is not afraid._

Elrenia was shocked to hear Koth back her up, and judging by the brief, and seemingly unconscious tightening of his arm, so was H'val. He cleared his throat almost nervously, and stammered, "Y-yes, well… three counts, a-and we'll be above Benden. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

And she was enveloped in an impenetrable darkness. There was nothing in this darkness. No air. None in the area around her, or in her lungs. There was no current at all, no wind to push the cold that was seeping into her bones, and wounds, and mind, filling her with a numbness that both terrified and relieved her. It was the most intense cold she'd ever felt, the burn of cold melding with the burn of utter nothingness. There was no dragon between her legs, no rider at her back. Nothing. And just as she gave up hope, just as she settled on the fact that she was dead, and there was nothing she could do change it, the world faded back into place and there were dragons everywhere.

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* * *

_I'm just going to say now that no, Elrenia **cannot** hear all dragons. _

_This is, however, my understanding of how people such as Robinton could be spoken to by some dragons - they liked him._

_I don't recall ever getting a true explanation as to his little talent there (I believe this was not an isolated incident either. Sharra could hear Ruth, I recall, but **only** Ruth), so this is my interpretation._

_Just thought you guys should know that._


	8. Chapter 7

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 7**

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_**As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**_

_Everyone moved to defend my interpretation of dragons speaking to whomever they want—that made me very happy. I know Lessa and Brekke are the exception to the rule, but I find that in fandom the main characters so often can hear all dragons that I needed to explain. I'm very pleased that you all understand =D_

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A bugle sounded, repeated by the beast beneath Elrenia so loudly that the feel of it vibrated her entire body. It was, perhaps, the oddest thing she'd ever felt, and she clenched her legs briefly against the creature's neck as it dipped low. For just a moment she was afraid she was going to fall, and she was trembling against the rider at her back, so cold and startled that she couldn't bring herself to move away when he held her close. It wasn't something she would have put up with under normal circumstances, but in the current situation it was almost comforting.

She could just barely feel the warmth of his chest though the jacket over her shoulders, and wanted to rip the garment off so that she could feel it more intensely. She'd heard stories of _between_, but none of them matched even remotely with the reality of it. She'd been told that it was colder than the coldest cold, as eloquently stated by a young man she met while traveling once with her father as a child, but it seemed that it was actually even _colder_ than that.

Koth circled down to the far side of the bowl, his descent far less steep than earlier, and upon landing he extended an arm just as H'val leapt to slide down it with practiced ease. In the distance, really not too far away, Elrenia could see a woman with a cloud of dark hair gesturing emphatically at a boy no older than thirteen. _Keral's age_. It was clear on the boy's face that he was being scolded for something he was legitimately ashamed of, and she wished that the woman would stop.

She knew from experience that shouting simply wasn't the way to get through to children when they'd done wrong, at least not all children. Some of them needed yelling, some of them needed something close to violence, otherwise they just needed understanding and acceptance. And this child, with the way he kept turning his face to stare down at the floor even after the woman lifted his eyes back to hers by tilting his chin every few seconds though he stood taller than her by several inches, needed comfort more than anything.

_Who is that? _she wondered, reaching forward unconsciously to touch Koth's neck so she could lean to get a better look at the angry woman. His mother, perhaps. His caretaker…

_Lessa_, came the soothing voice. _That is Lessa. She is Ramoth's rider_. And this stilled the girl's breath. Everyone with ears knew who Lessa was, the Weyrwoman of Benden. The one who went _between_ time to bring the oldtimers forward to save all of Pern. She was a living legend, and there Elrenia sat, not a few yards from her.

As though she could tell that she was being spoken of, the woman looked over, eyes sweeping over Elrenia and Koth before settling on where H'val stood leaning against the blue. He raised his arm in greeting to the woman, who nodded her head and turned back to the young boy. The scolding seemed to have ended, thankfully. She just reached forward and gripped both of his shoulders significantly, before sending him on his way.

H'val took the moment to look back up at his guest in contemplation, before holding out one hand as he said, "You'll be best to come down now." But Elrenia wasn't sure how to go about _getting_ down. She looked around, as though a staircase would have suddenly appeared to help her, and bit her lip when she looked back down at him. "Elrenia?"

"How do I…?"

The man let out a bark of laughter, and stepped up on the leg that Koth extended for him. H'val leaned forward as he climbed high enough to reach her, placing a hand carefully at the girl's waist as he said, "Move your legs so you're not straddling him anymore." When she looked skeptical, he changed his touch to a grip on her and promised, "I won't let you fall."

So she followed his instructions, moving both legs to the side of Koth that the rider was standing on, and slid down into H'val's attentive grip. As promised he didn't let her fall, but that didn't prevent her from wanting to collapse to the ground when, upon reaching it, the little Weyrwoman was standing with crossed arms and an irritated expression on her face. Instead of looking culpable, as Elrenia did, H'val grinned broadly at the woman glaring at him.

"Weyrwoman," he greeted pleasantly.

"You had Koth bespeak Ramoth?" was the woman's substitute greeting.

"This is Elrenia, Weyrwo—"

"Koth told me she was small and wounded."

Immediately Elrenia bristled, tensing and straightening to her full height as she contemplated a dozen insulting things she could say. She had to firmly remind herself that she was not at home, and these were not friends and family members whom she could abuse without consequence. These were people of rank, _much_ higher rank than her, and she should have been flattered that they were willing to be around her at all. Even if Lessa didn't look even _remotely_ pleased by her presence.

"She insists that she _isn't_, Weyrwoman," H'val explained with a sideways glance at the girl. "However she was limping badly before, and I watched a wherry stampede gouge holes into her side."

_This_ got a response. H'val was not done explaining before Lessa had struck him roughly across the arm, shouting, "And you took her _between_?" It was with intimate knowledge of the dangers of such things that she grabbed the girl's wrist, completely ignoring the initial recoil and subsequent struggle, as she dragged her into the nearest weyr, and from it into the lower caverns. The entire walk she was insulting the rider, who looked younger and younger with every word uttered in his direction. It almost hurt Elrenia to see him so upset by the violent scolding, but she didn't move to his defense, putting all of her energy toward trying to keep from crying at the pain of the jarring steps.

They could not have reached a cavern that smelled too strongly of numbweed soon enough. And though she was practically pushed onto a bench, she wasn't the least bit offended. She was just glad to be off of her poor feet. Glad that she hadn't burst into tears, though she still felt that she might do so at any moment. She was left alone with H'val for just a few moments, not so much as looking up at him and she hunched over at the waist from the strength of her pain.

She was trying to control her breathing when a hand settled on her back. She didn't look up, and so a low, warm voice asked, "Dear, are you well?"

"Everyone keeps asking me that," she murmured on the cusp of irritability.

"It's because you don't _look_ well."

Elrenia wanted to inform the voice to go fly _between_, but decided once more that she was best off _not_ being rude. She took another deep breath before muttering, "The numbweed is just a tad overwhelming here."

"Yes, well, Lessa felt it was best to take you to where care could be found."

"I don't need to be cared for," and she refused to acknowledge that she sounded like a pouting child as she spoke. "I don't need help."

"Of course," the woman agreed. "Clearly, every self sufficient young lady sits there bleeding on a Weyr's lunch bench. You don't need help at all."

Elrenia looked up sharply, opened her mouth to say something rude, and was startled by the protective look on the woman's face. It settled her somewhat, forced her to lean to the side as she was told to, and though she turned bright red when her shirt was raised she didn't fight it. She also didn't look when the woman tending her winced, because she wasn't sure she wanted to see the wounds if there was even a remote risk of them looking as bad as they felt.

"I hear you were sitting in a wherry field?" the woman tried to start a conversation as she dabbed at the wounds with water and various other things Elrenia couldn't even hope to identify.

"Passing through," the girl corrected, _trying_ to play along. Hoping the effort might distract her from the mounting pain. "I was knocked down when the poor things panicked and ran from Koth."

"You were tending the animals?"

And Elrenia sighed, "No. I was passing through Holder Kelby's field, with his permission."

"This close to threadfall?"

"I had my trek planned. I was safe."

"Oh?"

"Thread cannot penetrate rock, can it?"

"Of course not," the woman said. And as she realized what Elrenia's plan had apparently been, she almost laughed, "Smart girl."

"My father wouldn't have had me any other way."

"So where were you traveling to."

"South."

"There's only so south you can go. Where _exactly_ were you headed, on foot, during threadfall?"

"First of all, when I left, thread wasn't falling yet," Elrenia spoke with a tightly controlled voice. "Secondly, _where_ I was going is of no concern to you." She did, however, relent, "Just know I was going to family."

"Oh?"

"Yes."

"In… Keroon then?"

Elrenia didn't respond immediately, trying to decide whether she should lie outright or by omission. Technically it wouldn't be untrue to say she was headed to Keroon. She was. She just wasn't headed toward _family_ in Keroon. "Yes," came out before she'd finished considering everything.

"Oh really?" sounded from the Weyrwoman who had, apparently, returned with a jar of numbweed which was blessedly being spread on her side. "Well, I'd planned to head down there to speak to Lord Holder Corman," she explained almost absently, as though she didn't actually care. Couldn't be bothered with the situation. "I can just fly you down with me—"

"W-what?" the girl stammered, trying to sit up straight only to be held down by a hand on her arm. A bandage was being held to and bound around her stomach. "W-w-weyrwoman, no! I-I-I can get there on my own, really it's no problem—"

"Ramoth is too egg heavy to go _between_ right now, but a straight flight…" The way Lessa spoke put the idea in Elrenia's head that she was being completely ignored.

And so, with the intent of being heard, she raised her voice slightly as she insisted, "I couldn't. I can walk! I-I like walking, so much. I walk all the time—"

"It's no problem, really," the small woman insisted. "There's no reason for you to hurt your legs even more trying to _continue _to walk down there!" And the healer was immediately lifting the legs of her pants, unlacing one boot and gasping as she saw how swollen the appendage was. Elrenia realized that she'd just walked headlong into a trap. A trap she obviously would have been pushed into no matter what, and still she'd fallen for the woman's baiting. "I'll leave you and Brekke, then," Lessa spoke with a smug smile, and an accomplished glint in her eyes, as though she'd succeeded at a secret mission. "Come, H'val. Let's see to Koth. It was foolish of you to take the creature between on a full stomach! He's still so small, he doesn't understand…"

_Small?_ Elrenia couldn't help but scoff. _Koth is huge!_

_Thank you, small one_.

"How did this happen?" came suddenly from the healer named Brekke. She sounded almost furious as she asked it, unwrapping the more swollen of the two feet and gasping again, more loudly this time, as she saw the lacerations. "_How_ did this happen?"

"I was walking."

"_Walking_?" she repeated incredulously.

"…A lot."

For a moment Elrenia feared the woman would slap her across the face, but instead she rested both hands on her knees and asked, "How far, exactly, did you walk?"

"I… don't know."

"Where did you begin your journey?"

"Just west of Benden Hold," Elrenia spoke hesitantly, feared that the woman had heard of the disastrous fire and murders and would become suspicious of her like Kelby had. "Beyond the river. A… a little place called Levic."

"Levic?" Brekke asked, and Elrenia's heart stopped beating until the woman's brows knitted together in confusion. "I've… never heard of it."

"We're an exceptionally small Cothold," Elrenia explained dismissively. It was a rare treat for someone to have heard of her home, she took no insult in the absence of the knowledge. In fact, she was _relieved _by it. "Named after my grandfather eight or so generations back."

"So… west of Benden. And where did H'val pick you up?"

"Four days south?"

"Four… days?" Worry was written over her face. "Where did you sleep?"

"I slept in the forest once," the girl explained. "Holder Kelby took me into his home one of the nights…"

"And the other nights?" was asked so furiously that Elrenia found she didn't have the courage to answer that question. It was unclear whether this made the situation better or worse, because Brekke exploded with, "You are in _no_ way fit for travel! You will be staying here until your side and feet are healed, and _then_ I'll decide whether your _head_ is okay."

Elrenia couldn't seem to decide whether she wanted to blush or pale at the words, but shrunk into herself regardless, hunching over at the shoulder as she said, "Yes, Lady." Her stomach clenched at the thought that things would not bode well for her here. The healer thought she was an idiot, the Weyrwoman scorned her presence and insulted her self-imposed protector for bringing her at all. Immediately it occurred to her that her stay would be unpleasant. Of course she wouldn't let them know this, no. She would be strong, and never allow them to see how much their words would hurt, because she knew they would. They would be careless, unnecessarily cruel, and she would feel every second of it to the core of her being, until she was finally allowed to leave.

The hands slathering numbweed on her feet stopped their movements, they left her feet altogether to close over Elrenia's shoulders, and she realized then that she was trembling again. She could have cursed herself for the display of weakness, turning her face away when the healer breathed, "Dear?" A finger was all it took to turn her face back, but nothing could convince the girl to meet the searching eyes. Every time Brekke moved into her patient's line of vision the girl just averted her gaze, and after a few moments she just sighed. "Okay," she said. "Fine. Sulk. You're still staying here until you're healed though." When this garnered no response she sighed again, differently. This sigh was worried, almost… tired. "You need to go sleep." And, considering this an order, Elrenia stood even though she didn't know where she was meant to go.

Brekke, however, was outraged. She let out a short shout and smacked the girl's arm harshly, pushing her back into her seat as she snapped, "Don't you _dare_ move, young lady!" The anger present in the words shocked Elrenia into stillness again. "You're not walking anywhere on those feet! Do I make myself _perfectly_ clear?"

Elrenia couldn't say yes, though, because she didn't understand. She was being told to sleep, but to stay in the numbweed saturated cavern? "A-am I to sleep… here… then?" The thought of it bothered her. Sleeping out in the open where dragonmen could come as go as they pleased. It made her feel vulnerable in a way that sleeping in the forest hadn't. At least there was assumed safety in the solitary nature of the place. Here…

"No!" Brekke pulled her from contemplation of the situation. "Of course you can't sleep here." And she seemed to realize the dilemma. "We… just need to get someone to move you."

"I can walk," Elrenia tried to reason, but was quieted by a dark look.

"You will do no such thing."

People were milling about the room, but most of them were women and children, a few young teens. The healer sighed and rose to her feet, seeming resigned to having to fetch someone to assist the young woman, but just as she opened her mouth to tell Elrenia to stay put, a man walked down the stairs. His hair was practically dripping with sweat, falling into his eyes and sticking to his cheeks in little dark blonde chunks. His eyes were bright, but haunted, and settled immediately on Brekke as he rushed over.

"You may want to get to Renith's weyr, Brekke," he practically shouted before he was even within feet of the two.

At the words, the woman looked stricken, exclaiming, "I didn't hear of any new wounds."

"There are no visible ones, but if not for his straps, the damned boy would have fallen three times. He almost did the last time when his strap broke," he explained. "He had no balance up there, and I don't know why. He's always been a solid rider."

"Of course," and the woman was already moving to leave when she jarred Elrenia's leg accidentally and her attention was grabbed by a sharp inhalation. "Z'den," she said, grabbing the man's arm as he moved to lead the way. "I will handle Renith's rider, but I need you to handle her."

"Her?" he asked, looking past the woman to the girl on the bench. Elrenia had tensed at his entry, sitting hunched over and alternating between a tremble and statuesque stillness. "What…?"

"She'll be staying with us until her feet have healed," and to illustrate the point Brekke leaned just far enough to lift the girls pants leg. Elrenia flushed brightly, feeling a strange shame for her wounds, and tried to cover them back up but the healer wouldn't let her. She kept the feet uncovered for several moments, before straightening back up and releasing the fabric. "Any suggestions as to where we should put her?"

"With everything that's been going on…" the man murmured, shaking his head. "Brekke there's simply no room for her here."

"But she _can't_ travel," the woman insisted. "Did you see those feet?" The woman moved to pull up Elrenia's pants leg once more but the girl avoided it by swinging her legs almost carelessly over the bench and away. "She can't walk. She can't be taken _between_. Flying straight to where she needs to go will be too time consuming, and with threadfall so unpredictable…"

Z'den grunted, and crossed his arms in contemplation. He got a faraway look in his eyes, the same one H'val had gotten while talking to Koth, and Elrenia wondered if he was talking to his _own_ beast, if he even had one. "The junior queen's weyr is currently emp—"

"That's perfect!" Brekke exclaimed even as Elrenia gasped in horror.

"What?" she demanded, speaking for the first time in the rider's presence. He looked at her, startled and perhaps insulted by the tone, narrowing his eyes as she shouted, "No! I won't!"

"And why not, dear?" Brekke asked kindly. "No one else is using it right now, and you need a place to stay."

"But… I'm _not_ a queen rider!"

"So? All of the guest weyrs are taken. There's no room in the lower caverns, and even if there were, keeping you trapped down here would suffocate you in no time. You—"

"But I can't!"

"Why not?"

"It's _wrong_!"

"It's only wrong if Lessa says it is, since she's the Weyrwoman," Brekke explained casually. "We'll just go ask—oh! There she is now. Lessa!"

The small woman didn't need to be called for, as she was already headed toward the group. She arched an eyebrow, and asked without any genuine interest, "So, is she fit for travel, Brekke?"

"In no way," the woman spoke emphatically. "Though she'd readily have me believe otherwise."

"Oh?"

"Would you look at her feet?" Brekke exclaimed, seeming prepared to pull the girl about and expose her again, but Lessa raised her hand. She didn't need to see it, simply took her healer's word without question. "She's going to have to stay… if we have the room." The last part was added almost demurely, as though the woman was trying to convince an old friend of a silly idea.

"Yes, room _will_ be a problem."

"We can't exactly put her down with the candidates. She won't stand a chance with that rambunctious group, not in her condition. And there's no room anywhere in the caverns right now. Infirmary is overflowing as it is. But Z'den says all of the guest weyrs are full..."

"The junior queen's isn't," Lessa murmured thoughtfully, and as she tilted her head to look at Elrenia. Brekke smiled conspiratorially, as though she'd won some battle.

"I _can't_," Elrenia insisted again, almost shyly, staring hard at the ground. "I'm not a queen rider. I shouldn't be in a queen's weyr." And this seemed to make a decision for the small woman, because a hand rested kindly on the wounded girl's shoulder just for a moment, refusing to move when she tensed under the soft touch.

"It will only be for a little while dear. Until the hatching, and that should be anytime in the next sevenday." Almost as an afterthought, under her breathe, the woman said, "It had _best_ be in the next sevenday." And it was then that Elrenia realized there were eggs on the sands even as the Weyrwoman's dragon was with egg herself. This was a curious thing for the girl, because she'd never heard of such a thing happening. It was not good to have more than one clutch on the sands at once. Not possible. The queens got protective, and the eggs hatched at all different times. It was bad for the dragons, bad for the riders, bad for the candidates, and bad for the weyr.

"So we can put her in the junior queen's weyr?" Brekke double checked, and at the nod from her Weyrwoman she patted Z'den on the arm and went off to go care for Renith's rider.

Lessa looked up at Z'den as Brekke walked off, raising an eyebrow curiously. "Shouldn't you be taking care of your dragon?" she asked. "Or… yourself?" Her nose wrinkled at this, indicating that he smelled strongly, and Elrenia found that this was not untrue. Most prominently he smelled of firestone, and it occurred to the girl that he'd just come back from fighting thread.

The thought sent her heart racing. Thinking that she'd almost been caught in it, and perhaps that was why Koth had taken to flight so awkwardly. The blue had worked hard to keep her from seeing the carnivorous organism. He had done his very best to, and for the most part succeeded at, keeping her calm as he took her to safety.

"I needed to ask Brekke to check on N'ken. He did not do well during fall today."

"I see…"

"I will see to Arlith just as soon as I take Brekke's charge to the weyr."

"Z'den, I've always thought you old enough not to need reminding that—"

"Arlith will always be first and foremost in my thoughts, Weyrwoman," the man said, bowing his head respectfully. "But he does not mind briefly flying the woman to the weyr before he takes his bath. I'll just bathe in the junior queen's chambers to save him the trip."

For a moment, the woman's eyebrows stayed raised, but she nodded her head in acceptance not long after. The woman was gone before Elrenia could state her opinion of things again, leaving her in the hands of the dragonrider who was already moving to lift her. She was quick to evade however, flinching away so violently that she nearly fell from the bench, saved only by a skilled grab. "Calm down!" he snapped out an order, freezing the girl instantly in place from fear of the tone he used. "If you get more injuries in my care, Brekke will have my head."

The girl didn't respond to the understandable explanation. The healer said she wasn't allowed to walk, so logically the man wanted to carry her. And still the thought of allowing him to hold her… Rilow had been different. He was a Harper, and Harpers couldn't _do_ harm. Dragonriders… were different. They did not follow the laws of Holders. Weyrfolk, at times, seemed like an entirely different race. Their entire mentality... _everything_ about them. Rilow wouldn't hurt her, because it was not in his person to do so. This man, Z'den… Elrenia didn't know how to gauge him. All she knew was that he had unkempt, blonde hair. Blonde hair that reminded her too much of _him_. A tone that tried to force her into things she wanted nothing to do with. An undeserved sort of power.

Immediately she disliked him, drew back, pushing herself into the table behind her as he moved to pick her up again and he sighed. Green eyes narrowed at her, realizing that she was determined to be difficult, and he was moving toward her with more determination a third time, until she whispered, "Please don't."

The words, quietly spoken, seemed to startle him. But this time his eyes did not shift angrily immediately after. No, instead he stepped back for a moment to evaluate. He looked at her closely, eyes lingering on her bruised face before he dropped to one knee smoothly, falling just below her direct line of sight so he could murmur, "I mean you no harm." The words had the ring of sincerity to them, but they felt forced. "You cannot walk. I will carry you to my dragon, and we will fly you to your temporary weyr. Is this not acceptable?"

She wanted to say no. She wanted to tell him that it was _not_ acceptable, but his words reminded her that he had other responsibilities. What he was doing for her, trying to do for her, was a kindness, not an obligation. He could stand and walk away from her, but he was trying to gain her acceptance instead. So she nodded, slowly. Vaguely. "Y-yes," she stammered. "B-but I… I c-can walk!"

"No," he said. "You can't."

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_Speaking of Lessa and Brekke..._

_Cripes, I hope I didn't take them too horribly out of character. At the very least I promise that the way I write them is how I honestly think of them while reading._


	9. Chapter 8

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 8**

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_**As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**_

_I'm so glad my depiction of canon meets approval so far =D_

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The gruff looking man, with his mild facial hair and hard eyes, was surprisingly gentle while taking Elrenia into his arms. None of his motions were rushed. He moved forward, slipped an arm behind her back with his eyes trained to her face to ensure that she was okay. His other arm moved under her knees, and he did not lift her until she nodded her head again. She could just barely feel his muscles through his riding jacket, and it made her uncomfortable even as it impressed her as he stood from his crouch, rising to a rather formidable height. He didn't seem the least bit bothered by her slight one hundred and fifteen pound frame, and if he was he made sure not to give any indication.

His steps weren't at all rushed either. He carried her through the cavern, avoiding small milling groups of people until he got them outdoors, and then it was all he could do not to kick several staring weyrlings about the legs for their bad manners. His dark glowering was enough to cure most of them of their curiosity, and those that persisted were dragged away by those with better survival instincts, a fact the girl was grateful for. She hated to be a spectacle. She hated to be the center of attention, especially when the attention was bad.

She wanted to curl into the man to escape from the stares, but she wanted so much more desperately to run from him. She wanted to hit him, leap from his arms, and escape. She didn't want to be touched by him, didn't want to be touched by anyone. Her skin was crawling, her hands shaking so much that she wrapped them in the fabric of Z'den's tunic against her better judgement simple to stay them. She found herself breaking into a cold sweat as her heart started to race, her breath quickening dramatically, so much so that Z'den paused long enough to glance down at her with the oddest look in his eyes.

"I'm just taking you to my dragon," he reminded her carefully, shifting his grip slightly so she was more sitting than laying in his arms. "Dragons do not hurt people, you know this, right?"

"Dragons don't," she said vaguely, and took a deep breath to calm herself. It didn't help to settle her mind, but it stopped her chest from heaving quite so severely. She glanced up at the rider holding her to check his expression, and found the same curious look in his eyes from before. She almost would have called it worry, except the rest of him looked somewhat… angry. And as she connected the violent emotion to the way he was carrying himself, Elrenia was trembling again.

It was this quaking of body that spurred the man's steps quicker toward a brown dragon basking in the sun in the very middle of the bowl. The closer they got, the steadier Elrenia's breathing became. Not because she was calming down, but because she was too awestruck to panic further. The brown, eyes closed and relaxed, was the biggest thing the girl had ever seen. _Lessa was right_, she couldn't help thinking as Z'den carried her right up to the giant creature, _Koth __**was**__ small!_

One eye fluttered opened, all but the last lid revealing an opalescent blue, before the creature opened its mouth to yawn and closed his eyes again. She didn't hear a noise, but the brown rider's chest seemed to shake with laughter as he firmly ordered, "Arlith! You agreed to help, so get up before that stink sticks to your hide forever!"

For a moment it looked as though the dragon would turn his head and completely ignore the rider, but he rose slowly without opening his eyes. Elrenia was so fascinated by the huge creature that she wasn't the least disturbed by the way the man shifted his hands higher up her legs and back as he climbed a proffered foreleg and got them seated in one swift movement. _Can he hear me? _she wondered. Koth said that people could hear dragons if the creatures wanted them to, but did that mean that dragons could hear _her_ if she wanted them to?

_Hello? _she thought as loudly as she could, hoping it would work with Arlith the way it did with Koth. _C-can you hear me? Arlith?_ But they were in the air, and she was without an answer, so she figured Koth was a fluke. He was small, probably young, and had taken an interest in her. This creature, older and probably wiser, had better things to do than play to the curiosities of a useless young woman. The flight was so short that she didn't have time to be frightened or worried. In minutes the dragon was landing smoothly in a weyr, crouching to let his rider slide off. It was a task completed without touching Elrenia, and the girl wondered what she was meant to do. She'd been unable to get off of Koth on her own, and he looked about half the size of Arlith, _if _he was that big. Was… she expected to climb down? Or slide down the way that all of the men seemed to be able to? She wasn't sure she was capable of such and thing, and was quickly working herself into a panic when Z'den confirmed, "If you could slide down."

_Of course._ Of course she would think that she couldn't do such a thing and promptly be told to do it. Taking a deep, shaky breath, Elrenia couldn't help thinking that this was simply the natural course of the universe. She was to be made as uncomfortable as possible, or people were not fulfilling their life missions! There was a deep sigh from the ground below her, and the girl held her breath, waiting to be yelled at. She _knew_ she couldn't slide down, and there was no point in making a fool of herself by trying!

"I am Z'den," the man introduced unexpectedly. "Rider of brown Arlith. You are?"

"E-Elrenia."

"Well, Elrenia," he said her name slowly, tasting the syllables, "you'd be best to slide down now. Arlith has waited long enough for his bath."

"I-I-I—"

"Yes, child?"

The woman bristled, but didn't immediately reply to the insult. Instead she took a deep breath to steady herself and explained, "I _can't_ slide down, Brown Rider."

"Oh? And why not?"

"I… I'll fall."

"And you take me for a man who would _allow_ you to fall?"

Elrenia's expression made it completely clear that this _was_ the case, and the man closed his green eyes as he took a deep breath himself. She couldn't tell if he was trying to summon patience or calm, but it was clear that he was seriously contemplating _pulling_ her off of Arlith. Not that she could really blame him. He probably thought that she was being a brat, but when she tensed her arms to push off from the creature, she seized up. Froze with fear as her breath caught painfully in her throat.

She was in a bedroom. That was what a weyr was. It was the sleeping chamber of the dragonriders, and… _Calm down_. Except even when she knew that she should, that she _needed _to her heart pounded frantically and her palms went clammy. It was improper to be alone in a room with a man, even more so when it was a bedroom, worse still was the fact that the weyrfolk had very… casual views of… of… of _things_.

The girl let out a sort of squeal when Z'den moved back up his dragon's foreleg, grabbing her arm with one hand and wrapping his other arm around her waist as he pulled her off, and skillfully placed her on the ground just long enough for him to catch his balance. The drop from Arlith's shoulder was more difficult to manage than the one from Koth's, and the girl was fairly impressed by the man's success. Even more so when he immediately moved to scoop her off of the ground again and move her further into the room.

She was impressed _only_ until she realized that he was taking her into the room, and then she panicked again. Squirming so suddenly in his grip that he actually dropped her, barely keeping his grip enough to drop to a knee and prevent her from falling onto her damaged feet. This did it. This broke his cool just enough for him to shout, "Enough!" It was a single word, but it stilled the girl and silenced any and all protests building up in her throat. "_Scorch it_, Elrenia!" he snapped. "I'm taking you to a seat, unless you'd prefer to sit on the floor, you dimglow!" She didn't argue further when he lifted her up once more, but left him with the distinct impression of kicking a dragonet.

She didn't say a word when he set her in a chair, ordering her not to do anything foolish when he went to bathe. She didn't move when he left. Didn't react to the sound of Arlith swooping from the ledge of the weyr, or Z'den splashing around in the bathing pool across the weyr. She just… sat. She sat within her mind, working herself into a quiet panic that left her breathless and lightheaded for it.

What was the man doing, bathing in the weyr that was to be her temporary home? Did he not have his own to use? Couldn't he just leave her be? Deliver her to the rooms and go about his own business? Did he need to hang around? He'd explained to the Weyrwoman that he would bathe there to save his dragon time, but surely there were indoor corridors connecting all of the weyrs. Surely he could have walked to his own. Surely… surely he could have _left_ her!

She didn't want him there. She didn't want to think about the fact that, beyond the curtain separating the compartments of the room, he was naked. He was naked like she would be in that very room if she were to stay long enough to need a bath. She moved to scratch at her arm to distract herself from the thought, and realized she was still wearing H'val's jacket. It explained why she was so hot, all of a sudden, but she didn't want to remove it. The extra layer of heavy cloth made her feel safe even if it made her want to pass out. The cloth of Keral's tunic suddenly felt indecently thin, airy like a gown meant to seduce. An article of clothing that she wanted nothing to do with. The stifling cover of wherhide was better suited for her body, and to reinforce this fact she crossed her arms over her chest.

_What will I do here? _she wondered, shifting in her seat to look carefully about the room. _What am I meant to do?_ The weyr was quite simple. A small grouping of chairs sat in one corner, the corner she was sitting in. A table was in the middle of them. A distressingly large bed appeared to be tucked half way behind a heavy curtain across the room. The furs looked welcoming and warm, but she didn't dare approach them with the rider still in the bath. She didn't want to take such a risk, especially considering the man would have to leave the bathing room eventually.

The weyr she was currently sitting in may have been simple, but the matters of the place her weyr sat in were _not _by any means. She knew that a Weyr was often more chaotic than a Hold preparing for a Gather, and wasn't sure what to make of it. She didn't have any special talents worth speaking of. She could plow a field as good as a man, and had a rather uncanny knack for knowing _exactly_ when to harvest, but that wasn't of use to people who subsisted off of generous tithes. Even if she did have some useful ability, it was undermined by the wounds that had her grounded. There simply wasn't any way she could make herself useful, and she couldn't swallow the thought of being a burden to someone.

_There is one thing_, her mind offered, but no sooner had the terrible thought formed than she wanted to be ill. Bile rose up her throat, and she had to clench her teeth and grip her stomach to keep herself even mildly calm. She would not be some dragonman's bedwarmer. _But what if that's what they want me for?_ She hated to think so rudely of anyone, but… what were they thinking taking in someone they had no investment in? Indefinitely no less! What were they expecting to gain? _They can't make me do that. I __**refuse**__ to do that!_ She'd heard of girls being taken on search, and staying for exactly that purpose instead of going home when they failed to impress. _I won't be that girl!_ She couldn't. The mere thought of it brought tears to her eyes.

_ No!_ She bit her lip and held her breath, forcing herself to calm in the face of oncoming hyperventilation. _I won't cry_. She'd gone through it already. How many times would she have to fight that battle with herself before her tear ducts understood the way things were going to go? _I won't cry, because everything will be fine. They won't try anything, and if they do I'll simply refuse. _And yet, she couldn't shake the thought that there was no refusing a dragonrider. _They_ had dragons on their side. What did she have?

_Koth_, the thought came suddenly, and her pulse slowed dramatically. _Koth can hear me. If I need help, I'll simply ask for it. _Of course she had no way or knowing whether or not he'd respond to a call from her. She could hope, and she did, but there was no insurance. _Why do I even __**trust**__ a dragon?_ People trusted them implicitly because they risked their lives fighting thread, but Elrenia wasn't sure it was anything more than instinct. She'd heard of firelizards fighting thread to protect their owners, but…

"Girl!"

Elrenia nearly fell out of her chair at the bellow, frightened from her thoughts and unsure what to make of things. She looked around to make sure everything was okay, and saw nothing out of the ordinary. There was no one in the room with her, and though there was silence from the bathing chamber… what was so odd about that? So the man wasn't splashing about. She considered him old enough to clean himself courteously…

"Girl! Did you hear me?"

It was definitely Z'den that time, and Elrenia drew into herself at the tone of his voice. He sounded furious, and she could only think it was because she'd apparently ignored something that he said. She didn't want to respond, but she didn't want to make him angry either, so she quietly called out, "E-excuse me?"

"Shells…" she barely heard him mutter, "Arlith grant me strength to deal with this wherry…"

Curling over at the waist to hear herself compared to the creature again, Elrenia didn't say a word. She could almost feel the body warmed saliva hit her face as a similar insult was thrown in the aftermath of… and though she had no reason to think well of the dragonman, surely he was _somehow_ better than… than _him_. Anyone was better than _him_. She…

"I asked you to call down to the caverns for some numbweed."

"H-how do I do that?"

"Deadglow…"

There was an odd shuffling as Elrenia turned slightly in her seat to look toward the back of the weyr. She didn't stay turned long, however. Z'den emerged from the room with nothing but a towel around his waist, and a frustrated expression on his face. She looked long enough to register that he was not dressed before blushing furiously and turning back around. She didn't like the idea of having her back to the man, but anything was preferably to being faced with… with his nakedness.

She heard more movement, and though she was curious she didn't even turn to peek when she heard his bellow, "Some numbweed in the junior Queen's weyr would be muchly appreciated!" She could feel his glare burn hotly into the back of her skull seconds before she heard him shuffling back into the bathing room.

He'd been gone for several long moments before Elrenia's blush finally started to recede. She didn't understand how he was unflustered by… things. _All_ men seemed to be that way! Completely comfortable in nothing but their skin, no matter who was in their presence. _Do they feel no shame?_ She figured that they didn't, seeing as it was only ever men that committed the more… despicable crimes she'd ever heard of. Experienced.

She was almost grateful when a young woman came in toting a small container of numbweed, because while she didn't know whether she should stand or where to look, it provided her with a distraction from her thoughts for a moment. The woman barely spared her a glance though, handing the jar to Elrenia with little more than a nod of her head before the girl was left alone with her thoughts once more. But she didn't stop to think. She didn't care to continue her train of thought, instead looking cautiously toward the bathing room before she stammered, "B-brown rider?"

"Yes, Elrenia?"

"T-the numbweed is here?"

"Is that a question?

The response threw the girl slightly off track, and she sat there staring in confusion as she said, "No." More firmly, "The numbweed is here."

"Then don't speak as though it _is_ a question," the man commanded, and Elrenia's shoulders tensed. "If the numbweed is here, bring it in, will you?"

"I-in?"

"_Yes_, in," the man spoke with very clear exasperation. "Do you expect me to get it from all the way out there?" he asked in what the girl was almost willing to call a _joking_ manner, but she didn't find the situation funny at all! He was asking her to go in… while he… and for all she knew he was still naked! "Do you think I can teleport it with my mind?"

"N-no."

"Then _bring_ it!"

But the girl did not so much as rise from her seat. She just stared at the doorway fearfully. She didn't want to risk going in there if he was undressed. Men tended to do… things while they were undressed, and she wasn't about to walk into _another_ attack. She didn't know if he was planning something, didn't know if he wasn't just trying to trick her to do her some kind of harm! But even with these thoughts tossing about in her head, she couldn't bring herself to say no. Instead, she hesitantly asked, "A-are you decent?"

"Of course!" and this was _not_ said jokingly. "By the shell, girl! What do you take me for?"

"I-if you a-are then _you_ come out _here_!" she couldn't help thinking it would make her feel just a little safer, even though she wouldn't be any less trapped in a larger room. "Y-you come here!"

"I _can't_!"

Elrenia let out a little whine, starting to stand and freezing before her bottom even fully left her seat. She didn't want to go, but… he couldn't leave the room for some reason. _Is he lying?_ If he was insulted by her proposing that he was asking her to enter while he was naked, then… surely he wasn't. _But it's not hard to sound insulted… _She was indecisive, scared, and unable to actively refuse. _What if I ask him nicely?_ Except the man already said he was incapable of walking out, for whatever reason, so no amount of pleading would likely help. _What… what if I just ignore him?_ But since he needed numbweed, he was clearly injured in some way, and she couldn't just _ignore_ an injured man!

"I-I'm not supposed to be walking!"

For a moment the girl was afraid it wasn't going to work, especially when she vaguely heard several unkind words and wherry comparisons before she heard shuffling. _I won_. Somehow the simple argument had won. _That or he gave up, which means he's mad at me_. Either way the man was walking from the bathroom, a look on his face that could have destroyed the Red Star if it were put to good use. Instead he settled it firmly on her, and this time she couldn't turn away.

He was thread-scored straight across his front, from shoulder to well below the adjacent pectoral muscle, crosswise left to right. From the look of it the blasted thing went over his left shoulder as well, and Elrenia was too horrified to even gasp. She just stared at the gaping wound, the reddened flesh, and the blood slowly making its way down his front. _He's bleeding_. "I-I-I-I—" Nothing more coherent seemed forthcoming for a very long time, and the man just stood there, allowing her to look her fill. "S-should I go get B-B-Brekke?"

The man stared before approaching, sitting in the chair across from her heavily. "No, child," he murmured, fatigue sounding in his tone though his eyes were bright. "There's no need to bother her."

"But—"

"I said no!"

The girl flinched, hunching over the jar of numbweed as she ripped her gaze from his wound to stare at the floor. He had every reason to be mad at her, of course. He was injured, worse than the silly little scratches on her feet and she'd refused to help him most childishly. _Deadglow, _her mind hissed. _He was right. You're a deadglow_. Because she was!

"I…" Z'den cleared his throat, and Elrenia flinched back, preparing for a loud and violent scolding. "My apologies, Elrenia." This got her undivided attention, shock and curiosity making their way across her face as he continued, "Just… give me the fardling numbweed, okay?"

He reached one hand out for it, waiting expectantly but the girl moved back, clutching the jar almost protectively. "B-but you'll never be able to do the whole thing yourself," she reasoned. "You won't be able to reach it so far back…"

Z'den sat back at this, raising an eyebrow. "Is that an offer?"

He chuckled at her predictable flinch, watching the way she looked frantically about the room for an escape route before nearly shouting, "I-I-I'll get Brekke!"

"You'll do no such thing," he spoke calmly. For a moment he looked prepared to roll his shoulders to ease the strain, but remember his wound very suddenly as his face crinkled with discomfort. "She has her hands full with N'ken. This isn't the first thread-score I've had to handle on my own, child."

"But still…"

"If you're so worried, then help me," the man said briskly, but not unkindly. "I can't say it'll do any wrong for you to be of some use."

And that seemed to tip the balance for the girl. Instead of continuing to look fearful, she looked contemplative, tilting her head to gaze at the man. _He just wants help_, she thought with a blink. _And… if I can help him then… then maybe I won't be so useless here. Surely they've got more wounds than they have healers…_ Though she was sure she had no experience dealing with the sorts of wounds they saw often at the Weyr, she was willing to learn, and this started by her leaning forward tentatively toward the brown rider, pulling back just as suddenly as she second guessed herself.

But he raised a beckoning hand to her, murmuring, "Come here, child." And though she got to her feet, she moved away instead of toward him. "_Elrenia_," he half groaned, raising a hand to scrub at his face as he continued to encourage, "_Please_ come here. Now."

However she stepped back further, disturbed by the shifting emotions about his face, and the way his voice cracked just slightly when he said her name. The way one of his hands clenched into a fist only put her even more ill at ease, and she unconsciously whispered, "Please…"

"What?" he demanded in frustration, hitting the arm of the chair with one hand. "What have I done? I'm _asking_ for your help!"

"I…"

"Come _here_!"

So she came.


	10. Chapter 9

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 9**

* * *

.

_**As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**_

_**.**_

* * *

Z'den looked decidedly relieved to finally have her cooperating. The set of his shoulders shifted slightly, seeming much less tense and angry almost immediately. His eyes might have softened, but then if it wasn't a blank stare or a leer Elrenia could never really tell the difference in such things. His lips, she did notice, became just slightly more pronounced, no longer pulled into a thin line of pain. She wondered how much thread-scores really hurt, if the man's features could shift so dramatically at the thought of being relieved of one of them. As she came to stand beside his chair he sighed and asked, "Have you ever spread numbweed before?"

"N-No, sir."

"Shards, you're useless," he murmured, and Elrenia looked shamefacedly at the floor. She heard him sigh loudly again, and figured it was frustration. She would have been frustrated with someone who knew so little about things that were important to her life as well, but she liked to think she wouldn't have been so showy with it. "Take the top off of the jar," he instructed calmly. "Get a healthy dose on your fingers, and spread it on the wound. Plain and simple." After an additional moment he hinted, "I am of the _personal_ opinion that you can _never_ use too much numbweed."

She did not move toward numbing the wound though. She just shifted her weight for a moment, chewing her lower lip before stammering, "B-But—"

"What now, girl?"

"T-thread was on that…"

He just stared at her, stuck between bewildered and dumbfounded. Just for a moment he didn't seem entirely sure what her complaint was, so quietly, tentatively he asked, "Do… you think there's still thread in there?" When the blue-gray eyed girl didn't immediately respond he whispered, "Do you really find us dragonriders so fardling _careless_?" Her only response was to gaze at the floor, but he didn't sound particularly angry. Maybe a tad more frustrated, more hurt than insulted by the assumed negligence. "What do you know about dragonriders, girl?"

"You… fight thread."

"Is that all we do?"

Elrenia looked up. Not quite meeting the man's searching eyes, but staring in the general vicinity of his nose and lips. She debated _not_ telling him her view of things, because suddenly faced with an actual dragonrider, the stories she grew up on didn't quite seem to fit. Maybe they weren't _off_, but… they weren't correct either. "You…" her eyes shifted to the floor, until the man moved forward in his seat slightly, and she was looking at his chest instead. "You t-take children… from their Holds… and… and forc… you make them stay, even if they don't impress…" She gripped her hands tightly around the jar of numbweed in lieu of twisting her tunic. She saw his fists clench at his waist and had to look away again when she said, "Y-you are bigger and... and better than others so you hurt people…"

She was trembling, and it only got worse when the man didn't respond. He just sat there, staring at her, and she couldn't tell if he wanted to hit her or… or something else. When she risked a look up at his face, his expression was bleak at best. Almost sad, perhaps distressed even. "Someone has told you vicious lies…" he murmured after a moment. He shook his head, raising a hand to rub one of his eyes before he sighed, "It's no wonder you're so frightened of the Weyr. What… is that really what you think we do to people?"

Her only response was to blush, and hunch her shoulders further. Z'den moved forward then, reaching out to stroke the girl's cheek gently, but pulled back when she flinched away. "Shards," he hissed, smacking a fist against the arm of his chair. "You will learn the truth soon enough, child." And although his muscles were beginning to clench with discomfort again, he settled back in his chair without any expectations. "Thread eats any living thing it can get to," the man said vaguely. "That includes human flesh. It can devour an entire wherry in a matter of minutes, and does away with humans even quicker." The girl shuddered at this, both horrified and disgusted by the explanation. "When a rider gets caught in a tangle, or hit by a stray, their dragon will blink _between_ long enough to kill the thing. Were there any thread still in this wound, rest assured, I'd be dead."

This explanation offered a sort of comfort even as it repelled Elrenia. She… knew how it worked, at least she thought she did. Lessons had been drilled into her and her siblings since they were children because even with dragons flaming in the air, the grounds were in danger. She remembered more than one occasion when entire harvests were lost to infestation, and drastic measures needed to be taken in order to be rid of it permanently. That was why their fields shrunk so significantly over the course of her life, why what was left couldn't sustain plant life anymore. One such infestation occurred the year her mother died, and so had been especially hard on the family.

But she was pulled from further thought as the man murmured, "So, there's none in the wound, but it hurts rather intensely. Will you help me now?"

Though visceral disgust almost drove the girl to shake her head, she murmured quiet agreement, moving to kneel beside his chair to more easily reach the wounds. One misfortunate of being tall was the need to kneel or bend inappropriately every time she wanted to reach things closer to the ground than she was. Wounds were to be included in this category, it seemed. And while she could have asked him to stand up, it would have been cruel after making him wait for relief for so long.

"You're… very tall for a girl."

She was hesitant in opening the jar, and even more so of scooping out some of the numbweed to spread across his chest, refusing to respond to his comment. He didn't mean to insult, she was sure, and she wasn't going to assume insult. "Sorry," she whispered when at first touch he winced. "Sorry… sorry…" It became a mantra. She apologized every time she removed her hand to get more of the salve, and again when she replaced it. She apologized when he winced, when he groaned, and when he sighed in relief. She was terrified of hurting him, and petrified of what he would do to her in retaliation. As she finished up on his chest she couldn't help but say, "I-I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to… to hurt you…"

"On the contrary, dear. This… is quite the relief."

Being told this calmed the girl enough to request, "L-lean forward?" And when he did she shifted around the chair to better reach the damaged shoulder. With the reassurance she identified the few noises he made as relieved, and didn't apologize quite so much. Though she prefaced the end of her ministrations with, "I-I'm very sorry. I-is that enough? D-does it feel better now?"

"Yes," he breathed. "It's much better now. Thank you, my lady."

Blushing, the girl insisted, "I-I'm not a lady."

"Oh?"

"I-I'm n-not even a Cotholder…"

But Z'den dismissed her claim blithely, "That does not mean you aren't a lady."

Neither of them spoke for a moment after that, her absorbing what he said, and he observing her absorption. It was an interesting situation, really. She had no clue how best to handle him, but was choosing to give him the benefit of the doubt, because in the hour or so that she'd been in his presence he hadn't actually _done_ anything untoward. But she couldn't trust him. She… couldn't bring herself to no matter how she tried to reason it out, no matter how much she truly _wanted_ to.

"Now," he finally spoke up, cautiously offering guidance as the girl remained knelt on the floor, floundering without a job. "If you'll go over to the service shaft – over there," he indicated with a point of his finger, "That I called down before, I'd greatly appreciate you calling for klah and stew if they have it." Elrenia stared at the man, and he stared back just for a moment, realizing that he may have erred. His eyes darted about for several long seconds, before he was inclining his head and adding on, "That is, if you don't mind my staying for dinner."

She _didn't_ want him to stay for dinner, as it were. She _wanted_ him to leave, because she couldn't control the nervous clenching of her stomach the longer he was there. She couldn't get past the idea that he aimed to lull her into a false sense of security so that he could hurt her later, and didn't want him around long enough to succeed. But she reluctantly admitted that she didn't want to be left alone either. She wasn't sure if the risk of him staying outweighed the encroaching darkness of her mind. At least his presence kept the shadows at bay. She was far too preoccupied trying to figure him out to belittle herself when he was there. She… she didn't know _what_ she wanted, and floundered even worse in the wake of his question.

"Just dinner," he reminded her, his voice oddly soothing this time around. "Arlith is still bathing, and I'd hate to rush him. He loves wading in the water best when it's cool, like now." She watched the way his eyes lit up as he spoke of the creature, and was struck with the odd thought that no man who loved so deeply could be cruel. But what of the oldtimers? Everyone knew that they hadn't been any good after the novelty of firstfall faded. "As soon as he's done I'll leave you," he promised. "I just want to eat dinner. Is that acceptable?"

"…Yes."

The man's lips twitched into a slight smile, and he said, "Good. Now, go. Bellow."

The girl stood with no visage of her momentary insecurity left. She placed the numbweed on the table without a word, and walked over to the shaft she found in the direction the man pointed, calling, "K-klah, and whatever food is available, for two, in the… in the junior queen's weyr! P-please!" And she glanced briefly over her shoulder, looking for some indication that she'd done well. But the man didn't say anything. He wasn't even looking at her. So she walked back to the sitting area, sinking into the seat across from Z'den carefully, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

He didn't look any better off, however. Something was obviously on his mind, but she didn't have the courage to ask him about it. She just allowed him to stare off into space and she kept her eyes trained firmly on his chest. She wished he was wearing a shirt. She wished, desperately, that he would finish getting dressed because the longer she stared at him, the more she imagined thread squirming around, eating through to his heart and—

"Are you well, child?"

"E-excuse me?" she asked airily, startled by the sudden question.

"You've gone pale quite suddenly," he explained, looking prepared to inch forward in his seat, but stopping his progression before it began. "Are you well?"

"Y-yes. Quite. Thank you." She took a deep breath to clear herself of the horrible image, perhaps much worse than being eaten by thread would be witnessing someone else being eaten in person, because her mind was cruel to her. She wanted so badly to distract herself, but had to look away from the man to banish the image completely, and wasn't sure what to do from there.

Z'den shifted in his seat, crossing his legs at the ankle only to uncross them moments later. "So…" He cleared his throat, and Elrenia looked up at his face just for a second. His brow was creased with thought, easing only slightly when he finally breathed the words, "You… were headed to Keroon?"

"Yes, Brown Rider."

"Please, you should call me Z'den."

The girl looked up and they made eye contact, but she was quick to look away again. It was an honor, of course, to be allowed to speak so informally to the man… but the thought of it didn't sit right in her mind. He was a brown rider! A _dragonrider!_ She couldn't even keep a single Cothold safe, and he was responsible for protecting several Holds worth of land! His rank was so much _higher_ than hers, but he wanted her to address him by name. She couldn't. And embarrassed by the granted privilege she couldn't even look at him any longer.

So he cleared his throat, continuing, "You… were traveling alone?"

"Yes." She did not directly address him at all, so that she could not be expected to call him by name, or corrected when she failed to.

"Koth said he picked you up right off of the leading edge."

"So it seems…"

And the two again settled into silence. Neither spoke a word until the sound of someone walking echoed, and a young woman entered the weyr with a platter of food. She moved to trade the plate for the numbweed, and froze in her crouch at the sight if Z'den's wounds. The moment was just becoming awkward when the woman squawked, "I'll warn the healer!"

She'd almost disappeared through the doorway just as Z'den regained his senses enough to shout, "Don't tell Brekke!" But he let out a string of curses when he realized the girl probably wasn't going to listen to him. "Shards. Silly women, always having to investigate _everything_!"

"Investigate?" Elrenia breathed. "But… she was just delivering the food I asked for."

"She could have sent it up the service shaft. They girls from the lower caverns just want to get a glimpse of you – Koth can't keep his mouth shut. He's probably told every dragon, firelizard, and watchwher within a hundred miles that you're here!"

This made this girl's blood run cold, because she didn't know if the man was exaggerating or not. She hoped he was, because if Koth had _literally_ told everything that could hear him within a hundred miles… _Then he knows_. But… he couldn't know! If he knew she was there he'd get to her before she could escape. He'd tell the Weyrfolk that she was his, and he'd take her away. He…

"Elrenia?" She looked up at Z'den, expression haunted, and he recoiled when it rested on him for a moment. Tone almost worried he asked, "Child?"

But her only response was, "C-can he really… speak so… so… _far_?"

"Koth?" the man made sure they were speaking of the same thing. "Of course not. And he wouldn't deign to talk to a wher either. Don't… worry. Child, are you—"

"May I ask a question?"

"Of course."

"Why…" She seriously considered following the train of thought for a moment. Asking how far Koth could speak, and why he wouldn't talk to a wher. Who would he talk to? Would he talk to a humans? A Holder? But instead, as the words were leaving her mouth, she revised the question to, "Why do you want to keep your wounds a secret from Brekke?" The name felt sour on her tongue, as though she were committing some crime by saying it. Was the woman a dragonrider too? A queen rider? Was Elrenia being disrespectful calling her by name the way she was? The… the way she had been already…

"She worries too much," Z'den said briskly. When Elrenia raised an eyebrow in curiosity, moving forward to spoon some stew into one of the two bowls sitting on the platter, he continued, "The wound isn't serious, child. Arlith is quick. He took us _between_ before any real damage was done to me. I don't need her fretting over me."

"Oh?" she made a curious noise, moving next to pour the klah and hand him a bowl and mug. "But… it's her job, isn't it?" Brekke had taken care of her feet, scolding her the whole time. Worrying seemed to be her occupation. "She… she's supposed to worry, and fret, and dote on your wounds."

"It _would_ be our job if she was our healer."

"She isn't?"

"No. She…" The man paused, cup of klah halfway to his mouth, and examined the girl's curious expression as she served herself food next. "Have you… ever _heard_ of Brekke before?"

"Should I have?"

He let out a wry bark of laughter, caught between relief that the dragonless rider wouldn't be ogled by the girl for her curiosities and shocked that Elrenia seemed to know _nothing_ about what had been happening in the Weyrs since firstfall. Everyone, Lord Holder or minor, knew what had happened to Wirenth and Pridith! But this girl, this _young_ girl… "Did you live in a _cave_?" he asked, voice perhaps a tad louder than it rightfully should have been.

And the tone brought a look of shame to Elrenia's face _again_. "I'm sorry," she murmured, unsure of where to look when she found it impossible to meet his eyes. "I… I often didn't get away from home," she tried to remedy her ignorance. "I… had responsibilities. I… my father didn't… he didn't care for the Weyrs, we… I-I'm sorry."

"No," the man asserted. "Don't…" He ran his fingers through his wet hair, sighing heavily again. "Don't apologize. I suppose I'm not used to dealing with people who aren't interested in Weyr life."

"It isn't that I'm not _interested_," the girl said quickly. _What am I saying? I **don't**__ care for the Weyr..._ He doesn't matter. His opinion of me doesn't matter. I won't be here long. "I just… never had the opportunity to learn about these things. We were… very isolated, any news that _did_ come in was usually outdated."

"Oh?"

"We were several days off from the nearest Hold. We only had one runner, so I… never really got the chance to travel. I…" Unable to think of anything else to say, the girl insisted, "I had responsibilities at home!"

"And now you're here," Z'den spoke with an odd lilt to his voice, almost as though he was amused with the situation. "Instead of being at home, with your responsibilities, you're in Benden. Sitting in a junior queen's—"

"I told the Weyrwoman that I didn't want—"

"Shards woman!" the brown rider cut off her excuse. "Can't you recognize a joke?"

"I… shouldn't be here," she whispered. "I don't—"

"If Koth consented to bring you here, then he had a good reason," Z'den dismissed her once more. "The blue may be young, but he's got a good head on his shoulders. So does his rider," the man spoke with pride. "I trained him myself."

Elrenia was almost willing to nod her head and just allow his explanation to be the truth, but something niggled at her mind. Just for a moment she stared at her hands, trying to figure out what wasn't sitting with her. _He trained H'val?_ But… that couldn't be. "You… your weyrwoman said he comes from Fort…"

"You've spoken to Margatta?"

"Who?"

"My Weyrwoman."

"But Lessa…"

This time the man did smile, lips pulling over white teeth pleasantly as he explained, "I was sent here to help when a group of riders got injured." He didn't explain the injuries, or the cause to the girl, but instead spoke of numbers. "Fort could only spare five of us, but many of the other Weyrs sent riders to compensate for the time being. _My _Weyrwoman is Margatta rider of Ludeth, of Fort, as is H'val's."

The girl blinked lazily as she asked, "So… you're not a Benden rider?"

"I am a _dragon_rider, and that is all that matters."

Elrenia couldn't say anything of this, because it was not untrue. She supposed dragonriders were interchangeable. So long as a Weyr had the number they needed to fly wing-full, it didn't matter where they came from. Benden needed extra riders, and so Fort sent those that they could spare. Z'den's place of origin didn't matter nearly as much as his profession, which even she had to admit in all her ignorance, was sublime. To ride a dragon, she officially knew from experience, was rather amazing. Terrifying, but amazing. She could only imagine how it was to _fight_ with one.

"Eat your meal, child," Z'den urged. "You're far too thin for your age."

And though the girl obediently raised a spoonful of stew to her lips she breathed, "Oh?"

"Too thin, I say!" Z'den ignored the way the girl blushed in embarrassed shame at this. He was beginning to realize exactly how easy it was to embarrass and shame her. Mention her home, her family, her responsibilities and she turned red as fire. Scold her and she did as well. It seemed there was nothing he could say to make her comfortable, but at least she was eating. She'd gotten two spoonfuls of food into her before he laughed, "How old are you anyway, child? Sixteen? Seventeen?" And her eyes were on his face for once, searching, but not blushing.

_He thinks I'm so young?_ she wondered, looking down at herself curiously. Could it have been that she was wearing clothing that didn't fit her well? The fact that her breasts weren't about to pop from her tunic, the way some other unmarried women her age seemed to dress all the time? Was it that, at first glance, she really didn't have a chest at all? Surely that was it. He was judging her by the maturity of her body, and thinking of him… looking at her there made her face glow hotly yet again.

"Granted," he continued without pause, "you're quite tall for your age. Towering over where I stood when I was so young, I suppose."

"I'm nearly twenty one."

And he stopped mid-sip of his klah. "Oh _are_ you?"

"W-why would you think I'm so young?" she stammered in embarrassed confusion. _Why are you embarrassed? Why are you __**always**__ embarrassed?_ "I-I don't look young at all!"

"You look younger than twenty one, _that's_ for sure."

"I-I-I do _not_!"

"It's not an insult, my lady," the brown rider said, raising his hands in a defensive motion. "You look young, paired with the fact that you rather act like a child on her first trip out without her sire…"

"This… this _is_ my first trip out… like this."

"And you're nearly twenty one?"

The girl's eyes moved from his face suddenly, staring at the wall to her left as she explained, "I… never had much reason to travel from home."

"Until now," the man interjected.

"Yes."

"And what exactly was that reason?"

"T-to get to family."

Placing his bowl to the side, Z'den crossed his arms and looked sternly at the girl, as though silently accusing her of lying. "If you lived in your father's home, as you've been hinting all this time, would your family not have been there?"

Elrenia's throat closed up, and so she didn't bother responding to the question. That was what hurt most, the fact that her family _had_ been there. She silently renewed her vow to get away, and get justice somehow. She would see that _he_ got what was coming to him, and… and… and Z'den mistook her silence for a completely different issue.

"You were escaping your father," the man said quietly, leaning forward intently in his chair. "But why? What did he do?"

"My… father is dead, Brown Rider."

His eyes clouded over as he murmured, "I… my condolences."

"N-no. No. He… my father died many years ago." _I should have been married by now_, she couldn't help but think. _If I'd just gotten married when I turned eighteen… when my sister was still trying to pick out men for me… _Except she hadn't because she'd had different plans for her life. _It was a foolish decision_. Soon she would be too old to marry. No man would want her in a few years, and oddly enough the thought of it made her sick. The think her only experience with a man… "He… my father died when I was still young."

"You _are_ still young!"

"I—"

"You _are_!"

And Elrenia couldn't help but stare at the rider who had no qualms about staring right back at her. She was confused, wondering why he was so insistent, but his expression gave nothing away. He was obviously older than her, so… maybe that was why he sounded so angry. By calling _herself_ old she was extending the same insult to him. But then things were different in a Weyr. Different with men. Z'den didn't need to worry about it the way Elrenia did.

"You are _not_ old," he insisted one last time and, almost reluctantly, she nodded acknowledgement of this.

"Okay."

"Good."

.

* * *

_Is the Fort Weyrwoman Margatta? I searched, and searched, and since she's the Weyrmate of the Weyrleader, I figured it was the best I could do. If anyone has information to the contrary feel free to share, eh?_


	11. Chapter 10

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 10**

* * *

_**.**_

**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

**.**

* * *

"Z'den! You irresponsible! Absentminded! _Dimglow_!" Brekke's shout startled both Z'den and Elrenia nearly out of their chairs. The man gathered himself much more quickly than Elrenia did, however. He was already firmly settled in his seat with an air of superiority about him before the pseudo-healer had even gotten all the way into the weyr. This seemed to infuriate her, however, because she seemed to raise a hand to smack him until she noticed his wound and froze. "I recant," she murmured. Then, loudly, "You irresponsible, absentminded, _dead_glow!"

Without so much as turning his head all the way to look at the angry woman, Z'den asked, "What did I do?" Again Brekke looked prepared to smack the man, but instead settled for clenching her fist and letting out a cry of frustration. She seemed to be fooled by the man's act, but Elrenia was not. She couldn't be after witnessing him almost fall out of his chair in fear and shock before. After listening to him wince and groan at the pain from his wounds.

There was an outrageously long pause, purposefully taken so the woman could compose herself before quietly repeating, "What did you do?" Elrenia knew this tone. She often heard her older sister take it when her children had done something exceptionally naughty. She knew the tone to mean either, "wait until I get my hands on you" or "wait until your father gets home". She'd yet to decide which one was the better of the two, but figured the first was the case in this matter.

Z'den obviously didn't realize the danger he was in, however, because even as Brekke got angrier and angrier the almost smug look on his face remained. He didn't even flinch when she shouted, "How could you risk yourself like that?" though if Elrenia could had flit _between_, she would have. "Not only would N'ton have _killed_ F'lar for losing you, but your _dragon!_ Z'den! What about Arlith?"

This seemed to sober the man slightly. He sat forward in his seat, and the look on his face shifted to one of distressed concern. "Brekke," he said quietly, "I didn't—"

"N'ken says you got threadscored trying to keep him on Renith!"

"Brekke," the name sounded more like a plead, and the man canted his head as he said, "I couldn't just let the kid fall, could I?"

Heatedly the woman pursued, "You could have destroyed the thread before you went for him!"

"He would have been too far down!" and suddenly Z'den didn't sound like he was pleading with the woman anymore.

"It's called going _between_!" Brekke insisted almost frantically. "Or leaving him to the Queens!"

"They were far too busy dealing with the stray patches!"

"You could have died!" she shriek.

"He _would_ have died!" he shouted right back.

"Please don't yell." And two sets of eyes shifted over to where Elrenia sat, hands clenched in her lap and eyes trained to the floor. She knew they were looking at her, but couldn't bring herself to look back. They both sounded so angry, and she didn't know how to handle that. At home both parties would have been smacked upside the head until they lowered their voices, but she clearly had no right to do that anymore. Instead she settled with reasoning, "T-there's no reason to yell."

"Yes there is!"

"Brekke!"

The woman looked over at Z'den when he snapped at her, returning his disapproving gaze until he jerked his head in Elrenia's direction. Looking back at the girl revealed a sort of fear and self loathing that Brekke simply hadn't expected, and she sighed quietly. "Z'den," and her voice was softer now, "let me see you. I'll decide if you need the healer. Then I'm going to look at your feet again, Elrenia." The thin brunette nodded her head vaguely as Brekke explained, "Maybe the swelling's gone down some."

The girl just kept nodding her head, and the healer went about her work. Maybe it was the shift in Elrenia's mood, but the two other people in the room were much more cooperative this time around. Granted, Brekke pulled and pushed Z'den around just a tad more roughly than she should have, careful not to upset the wounds by unashamed to demonstrate her disappointment in him, but neither did anything that could possibly upset the girl further. In fact, once she got over her hostile anger, Brekke made an approving sound deep in her throat. "At least it's clean and tended," she admitted a bit begrudgingly. "But how did you manage to reach so far down your shoulder, Z'den?"

"Elrenia did it for me."

Brekke's eyebrows shot straight up, and she turned slightly to ask, "Oh really?" She smiled when Elrenia glanced up for a moment before blushing and turning away again. "You did a very good job," and the way she said it made it sound more like a promise. "Most weyrlings exacerbate the wound from fear and inexperience."

"I-I'm not a weyrling."

"Well, you should be," the woman said casually. "You seem to have a solid enough head on your shoulders, even if you _are_ a bit too repressed for your own good."

"I-I'm not repressed…"

"Do you usually stutter and mumble while defending yourself, then?" When Elrenia didn't respond to the question, Brekke shook her head with a quiet sigh and shifted her attention back to Z'den. "Any other wounds I should know about, you deadglow?"

With half a shrug, Z'den said, "No."

And Brekke's immediate response sounded, "Why is it that I don't believe you?"

"Probably because you have to deal with F'nor every day."

Brekke deigned to smile softly at this, and for a moment she looked prepared to chuckle, but instead said, "Take off your pants."

Elrenia was on her feet and walking away before Z'den could blink in response to the command. She was out of the room just as she heard him stand and fabric rustle, but she refused to think about what that meant. _Why do they have to do this __**here**__?_ her mind demanded the universe, dwelling on the subject as she sat heavily on the edge of the bed, hidden away behind the thick curtain that separated the little alcove from the rest of the room. _Obviously if he was wounded anywhere else he'd be in pain_. But she didn't dare say this out loud. _And who in the world is F'nor?_

The name, she realized after a moment, was vaguely familiar. She wasn't sure why or where she'd heard it before, but knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she had. Perhaps he was someone important. Someone who shared a story with Lessa and F'lar, two names that she knew well even if she couldn't quite place faces to names yet. _Someone that Brekke deals with regularly – daily_. But who could that have been? A troubled patient? A family member? A lover?

She shivered at the thought of lovers, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared into the heavy fabric hanging from the ceiling. Suddenly she had an urge to curl up in her old bed, hugging the blanket her mother made for her when she was but a small child who was tired of sharing with her older sisters. She wanted the doll her brother made for her out of dried withies and rounded off glass. _I want to go home_. She wanted her favorite dress, that she only very rarely got a chance to wear, and she wanted her slippers. _I miss my family_.

Wishing she could go back in time and prevent the murders, the girl squeezed her eyes shut tightly. But even in retrospect she didn't know what she could have possibly done in defense of her kin. She'd gone to him, answered his summons in order to keep him from her home while the children were there, and the plan backfired rather massively. She didn't know if staying would have saved them. She feared that staying would have caused them greater pain before they were killed. For all she knew he would have… she hated to think of the children having to witness _that_ brutality of man. She wished she could have refused them entrance to her home, but even if she'd thought of it at the time she had no right. It was her uncle's home more than it was hers, for all she'd lived in it her entire life.

She just wanted them back. She wanted everyone, and everything to go back to the way it was. She wanted her family. She wanted the friends she'd had when she was very young, and lost when she was forced to grow up at the sudden death of her mother. She wanted a home that was undeniably hers. She wanted security, safety, love, respect. She wanted so many things that she knew she could never have again, and she flinched at the echoing sound of footsteps.

"Elrenia?" Brekke called lightly. The girl knew she was close because she saw the curtain shift as the woman touched it gently. "Dear, can I come in?"

And, pleased to have been given such a courtesy, because surely she had no right to decide who went where in a weyr that wasn't rightfully hers, Elrenia whispered, "Yes, B-B-Lady." When the woman walked around and approached, it was all that she could do not to try to run away. It was all she could do not to panic when the woman knelt in front of her as movement could be heard in the outer weyr, probably Z'den redressing.

"Your feet?" Brekke requested, and Elrenia sighed but lifted one to the woman's knee, where it was held, and poked, and pressed gently. "Well, the swelling definitely seems to have gone down, just a little. How do they feel?"

"Better," the girl spoke rather sincerely. Her feet didn't feel well at all. They ached mildly, and still pulsed a counter rhythm to her heart beat, but thinking of exactly _how_ painful they'd been before, she did think that they felt better.

Brekke was suspicious however, and asked, "Really?"

"Yes."

The women stared at one another for a moment, and then the healer nodded her head. Perhaps she wasn't totally convinced, but she was willing to suspend her disbelief for the time being. "Let me see the other one." And this foot was given the same treatment. The gentle touches were calming in a way, and so Elrenia was less inclined to flinch when the hands felt their way up her leg, checking the swelling of her twisted ankle and the whole of her calf just to be sure nothing else as amiss. For several moments the girl was calm, but the moment Brekke raised a hand to her face she flinched several inches further onto the bed. "I'm just checking for a fever, Elrenia."

"A fever?" the girl asked skeptically, other than a few aches and pains she actually felt rather well – physically. There was no salve that could heal the pain in her heart, or that could banish the tormenting voice in her head. Unless there'd been some advance in the Healercraft recently, nothing else was of concern to the woman. "Why would I have a fever?"

"Because you went _between_ with open wounds."

"…So?"

"It's a dangerous thing to do, dear," the woman explained as patiently as she could. Upon close inspection Elrenia could tell that she was tired, and if many of her patients behaved the way Z'den did, it wasn't hard to understand why. So, momentarily she felt guilty for causing trouble, but then the woman leaned forward again and she _still_ couldn't bring herself to sit still. "Do you know of the day that our Weyrleader, F'lar, had to banish the oldtimers?"

Elrenia nodded vaguely, "Yes, we… received word of it. He almost killed… T… T't… T's…"

"T'ron," Brekke supplied when the girl fumbled with the name. "He had to fight and wound T'ron rather severely. But during the fight he took a wound as well, and went _between_ to fly thread directly after. Not long after he came down with a terrible fever – we feared we would lose him."

Elrenia wasn't entirely sure how to respond to the explanation. Brushing it off as she was prone to do, because her wounds weren't nearly as bad as a knifing, would have been terribly rude. She could see it in the way Brekke held herself that there was sincere respect and perhaps affection for the Weyrleader, and even if there wasn't he was a very important man. She and every other person on Pern owed him and Lessa their lives, for without the two of them surely they would have succumbed to the Red Menace. So clearly she couldn't just ignore the story, but to pretend to be particularly bothered by it would have been dishonest.

"Can I check?" the healer asked quietly, and Elrenia decided that her response to the tale would be compliance. She leaned forward and begrudgingly allowed the woman to feel her forehead. One moment. Two moments. Three moments later and she was getting worried just as Brekke announced, "Well, you haven't developed one yet. But I'm going to return early tomorrow morning to check again. Do you understand?"

"Yes, B…" She bit her lip and turned her head, unsure of the proper form of address.

"Call me Brekke," the woman said. "Please. As long as you're here, I want you to call me Brekke. Can you do that?"

"Yes, Brekke."

"Good." The smile on her face was small but sincere as she stood and dusted her knees. "You'd best thank Z'den," she advised as she moved back toward the curtain. "He'll most likely be going to his own weyr soon… Arlith tells me he's done bathing."

"You… can speak to Arlith?" Elrenia startled herself by questioning.

But Brekke just smiled at her and walked away with the words, "Sleep well, dear."

Elrenia watched her go, head tilted in wonder. Koth must have been right in saying that anyone could hear a dragon so long as the dragon wanted them to. _Does that mean Lessa __**can't**__ hear all dragons?_ It was a curious thought. Within the girl's recollection the Weyrwoman had always been revered and envied for the ability, but maybe it really wasn't so special. Maybe dragons just liked her particularly. _Maybe she's just like everyone else_. The thought was pleasing. It put her at ease to think that the almost ethereal figure wasn't so special after all.

"Shells…"

Elrenia looked up at the oath, blinked almost absently, and rose to see what was happening in the outer weyr. Clearly it was Z'den, and something was frustrating him. But the last thing she expected was to see him with both arms up in the air, hands trapped in a twisted tunic as he squirmed about in an attempt to get it over his chest without disturbing the angry red threadscore she could still see on his shoulder. If not for the wound the scene would have been hysterical, but as it was Elrenia didn't have the heart to laugh at the man. He twisted and turned his body in a circle, pausing when he saw her in order to grin with what may have been poorly veiled embarrassment, and then continued his struggles.

He was adamant about getting dressed, but Elrenia was curious as to his reasoning. She figured the fabric would make the threadscore more painful during the night, but wouldn't bring this up or argue. She couldn't deny that she appreciated his sudden show of modesty. She felt just a little safer with the thought that he didn't _want_ to run around naked all the time. But as he let out a puff of frustrated air, she thought he might have been giving up.

"D-do you need h-help?" she offered tentatively, standing several feet to the side with her hands wrapped in her shirt. She didn't _want_ to help dress him, but she wanted him to be dressed, and so offering assistance was the lesser of the two evils. And though she blushed heavily when he looked over at her, she let out a sigh of relief when he nodded his head.

"Yes," he murmured. "Would you mind?"

"N-not at all."

Stepping over to him, she reached up easily enough to untangle the fabric and ease it down his torso. She laid it as gently as possible over the wound, biting her lips in hopes that he couldn't feel what would most definitely be agonizing at any other time. Seeing as he didn't let out so much as a grunt of pain, she was quick to step away after straightening the front of the tunic.

"Thank you, f-for your help. I-I-I'm very grateful."

"There's no need to thank me, Elrenia," Z'den dismissed gruffly, perhaps trying to regain what dignity he lost through his struggles by narrowing his eyes slightly at her. "I do my duty."

"B-B-But this isn't your duty," she said. She could have simply ended the conversation by wishing him good sleep, but felt that she needed to insist, "You… you didn't have to help me."

"My duty is to protect."

"T-to protect Pern. I… I am _not_ Pern."

"But you _are_ part of it."

Silence descended and they stared at one another for a moment, trying to gauge the other's reaction to everything that had just occurred. The awkward tension between the two of them had been agonizing, and while it still ran under the current in the room it wasn't nearly so intense. Elrenia's fear may have lessened a little, but she didn't acknowledge it even as she didn't tense so badly when his eyes roamed her body. They rested on the bright bruise on her cheek, and when he shifted forward she flinched away, staying his motion. They were at another standstill.

Eye contact was made and sustained even as the staring stopped being calculated. _Who is he? _Elrenia wondered, feeling as though her soul was being evaluated the longer green eyes stared into hers. _Why did he say that? _For a moment she'd felt as though she was important. It was an odd little idea, but it came to her naturally. If it was a dragonrider's job to protect Pern, and as she was part of Pern as Z'den had said, then it was their job to protect _her_. That meant that she meant something, and even if Z'den did not mean that exactly when he spoke, it struck a chord deep within her. She smiled, albeit hesitantly, and broke eye contact to stare shyly at the ground. She wanted to say something, anything, to make him understand what she was thinking, but movement and sound from the outer most portion of the weyr startled her into turning and made her forget.

"It's just Arlith," the man assured, touching her arm briefly as he stepped by. "Thank you for your assistance, Elrenia. Sleep well."

Before she could fumble about constructing an answer, the man had turned a corner, and though she followed to the edge of the wall she didn't say a word as he leapt upon the mighty brown, and took off from the ledge without a moment's hesitation. "Good night, Z'den," she spoke to the air, wishing she'd said it before he left. She didn't want him to see her as ungrateful, because she wasn't.

He may have simply being doing his duty, but even responsibility didn't mean that he absolutely _had_ to go about it in the kindly manner that he had the entire time. She'd been frightened of him, yes. And while perhaps she saw him in a slightly kinder light now, having seen a very human side of him both pained and ashamed, she still was. His position was as dragonrider and the kindness that he'd shown didn't make him any less of a man than Holders, and the… the sons of Holders. His profession may have been different, but that didn't mean his pass times were.

She'd come to the conclusion, while stumbling through the dark forest between Levic and Kelby's Hold, that first impressions meant nothing. It wasn't so hard to hide behind a façade if one tried hard enough. Trust was what got her into her predicament in the first place, and she didn't intend on making that mistake a second time. She could say she trusted Koth, because though he was male he was dragon, and that was what made him different. She could even say she trusted Arlith for the same reason. Dragons were not like men. They did not feel greed the same way that humans did, not the way that Elrenia understood the creatures.

They were meant to be selfless, risking their lives daily and asking only for tithes in return. Men wanted all they could have, and many things that they couldn't. It was the subtle difference between need and want. The dragons would take, would fight for, would perhaps kill for what they needed. But men were not so honorable. Perhaps it started as need, and turned into something dark. She'd never know for sure, and didn't care to dwell on it for the moment. Her aches went much deeper than the bone, begging a salve that could not be contained in a jar, and could not be found in the Weyr. She needed what she hadn't truly had in many years, family, but didn't know how to get it.

_When my feet are better, _she reasoned, _I'll request to be taken to Fort. Perhaps H'val can take me when he goes back home. From there I'll go to the Lord Holder and see if he can help me find my brother. _Perhaps it wasn't a particularly solid plan, but it was the best she was able to come up with as her eyes burned in need of sleep and her head started to ache from trying to give reason to the unreasonable. _Once I find my brother…_ she didn't know what she'd do then. Perhaps she'd live with him until he could find someone who wasn't made of sandworms to marry her. Maybe he'd give her a plot of land to tend until she was too old to do so any longer. Something.

In the mean time, though the dark sky was beautiful with the stars shining brightly, the bed on the other side of the junior queen's weyr seemed particularly inviting. She could almost taste sleep as she walked languidly through the rooms, looking about with a curiosity she hadn't felt safe demonstrating before. The ceilings were high, particularly so in the outer weyr so that the dragons could roost, she supposed. And though the walls were carved directly from the stone, they weren't so uninviting. _This place is almost comfortable,_ she thought as she sat on the edge of the bed, ready to turn in right then and there until the waist of her pants bit uncomfortably into a bruise.

"I should change," and this was said aloud seconds before the young woman realized she didn't know where her small bag was. It had everything Gareva and Grela had been able to give her, including the beautiful nightgown she currently wanted to change into. She thought back, and for a long moment feared that she'd left it in the wherry field south of Kelby's Hold. With thread falling, and wherries running about there was no chance of her ever getting it back.

This saddened her, because even if she'd refused the kindness while it was being offered, having been given it anyway made her feel better about the world. It gave her faith and warmed her heart when it most needed warming. But it was gone. Lost, probably forever. It was an insult to the people that helped her, and simply unfortunate to her. Because the weyr she was staying in wasn't hers, and wasn't even normally lived in, she didn't want to go looking around for something that wasn't there. There was no chance of a trunk full of clothing. No chest of drawers that could give her something more comfortable than poorly fitted pants and an equally ill-fitted tunic.

The sound of something hitting the ledge of the weyr startled Elrenia, and though she turned toward the wall separating her from the dragon's bed, she didn't move to investigate. She was afraid to, because clearly there was a dragon in her weyr, and she couldn't figure out why. _Someone came for me?_ But who? And what did they want? _Is it a junior queen? Does she want her weyr back?_ Her heart was quickly taking up a frantic pace as she worked herself into a panic. _A dragonman realized they had an unwelcome visitor? _She hoped that wasn't it. She didn't know how she could possibly escape. She wanted so badly to run away, but—

_Small one_?

"Koth?" she spoke aloud, blinking in surprise. "Koth? Is that you?"

_Small one, why are you frightened of me?_

And Elrenia rushed over, flinching at the cool night air that washed over her as she was hit by wind flowing into the large alcove, but refusing to stop when it did. "I'm not frightened of you," she assured the blue dragon, boldly petting his eyeridge when he lowered his head to her. She wasn't sure what made her do it. She didn't know why she rushed forward, why she was so unwilling to hurt the creature's feelings. She just knew that she wanted the blue to know that the racing pulse, and cold sweat had nothing at all to do with him. "I'm not frightened of you at all. I… I just didn't know that it was you."

_Oh, I see._

Blinking, she faltered in her scratching as she had the distinct feeling that she was being laughed at by the great creature, but didn't even know for sure that dragons felt amusement. She decided not to dwell on that specifically though, moving on to the dragons presence. Without his rider no less. She'd always been under the impression that dragons never went anywhere without their riders. "Koth, why are you here?" she asked, continuing to scratch the ridge her hand rested on when the dragon seemed to nuzzle her. "And where's H'val?"

_Do you want H'val?_ Koth asked, tilting his head away from the hand to lean back. _I could get him. I thought you would not want his company though. He frightened you before. _Elrenia couldn't help staring at the ground, struck by the pain in the tone with which Koth was speaking. _Small one? Why does he scare you? H'val is the most amazing man ever._

"You're his dragon," Elrenia spoke simply, barely glancing up. "You _have_ to love him."

_I am a dragon,_ he returned in the same tone. _I don't __**have**__ to do anything_.

This seemed to make a decision for the girl, because she nodded her head definitively before admitting, "H'val does not scare me. Men do."

_Men scare you_.

"Yes. I…" Her eyes were on the ground again, and the big blue snout moved forward to nudge her gently. "I don't know why I'm talking to you. You… you're a dragon. Not my dragon. I…"

_I have upset you?_

"Shards, no. Koth…" It seemed the dragon knew her emotions even better than she did, because she hadn't immediately realized that she was upset. It felt like a ball of water was stuck in her throat as she choked out, "I just want my bag so I can go to sleep."

_I brought it_. Elrenia looked up in surprise to watch the blue unfurl a clawed foot and drop her bag at her feet. _You were thinking very hard about it. You were upset. I brought it for you. I did not mean to make you more upset. _

Elrenia couldn't be sure what possessed her to lean forward and wrap her arms around the dragons head, but was pleased that Koth sat through the awkward embrace without a complaint. He was too big for her to fit her arms the whole way around, and settled for scratching him under his chin where her fingers rested aimlessly. _You're the most amazing dragon ever_.

_I know_.

She couldn't help smiling.

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* * *

_I got a little mixed up over time while I was editing this, and so I wanted to remind everyone that this is still Elrenia's first day at the Weyr, a rough sevenday since the destruction of her Hold._


	12. Chapter 11

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 11**

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_**.**_

**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

_**.**_

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Hugging the beast for a very long moment, praising him in her mind, Elrenia was relieved to have her belongings back. But it wasn't just that, she realized as Koth wiggled his nose against her stomach and pulled away. It wasn't about her things being returned, it was about the slowing of her pulse. Her hands were no longer shaking. She wasn't standing hunched over quite so much. She felt safe, at least more so than she had a few moments ago. The blue dragon succeeded in doing what a _Weyrwoman _couldn't. He did what a healer and a rider couldn't do. His presence, the soft tone he used as he spoke to her, the gentle blue and purple whirling of his eyes made her feel safer than she had since her brother's death nearly two seasons before.

_Small one, are you better?_

Smiling gently, Elrenia nodded her head. "Yes, I am." She couldn't resist reaching forward to scratch the blue's eyeridge again, enjoying the way Koth's innermost eyelid slipped closed in pleasure. "I wish I knew how to thank you."

_Do not be afraid of me._

"Koth?"

_To thank me you must not be afraid._

"I…" she was afraid she misunderstood what she was being told, but nodded her head in agreement. "O-Okay. I… I won't be afraid of you."

_You won't be?_

"I _promise_ that I won't be. I don't know if you dragons understand what a promise is but… but I give you my _word_ Koth."

This was enough for the dragon, and he let out a contented puff of warm air that ruffled the hair falling disobediently from Elrenia's braid. She wished for one of her ribbons to tie it up with properly, knowing the thong Gareva used to bind the thin end would not be strong enough, but sighed sadly in recognition that wishing wouldn't bring them back from char. She'd find a good way to go about tending her hair in time. Until then she was going to change and sleep.

She desperately needed sleep.

_Go, small one._

She looked up at the blue swirling gems, and tried to smile, a task that was suspiciously easy considering the fear, anger, and sadness of the past few days. "Sleep well, Koth," she breathed, moving back toward the inner room, only to pause and turn in order to watch the creature leap and fly from the ledge. She rushed forward and watched the way his massive wings pumped, skin shining in the dim light from the moon as he disappeared from view. _They really are magnificent,_ she thought.

Dragons were so beautiful to her. Huge but remarkably gentle. They clearly had the strength and mass to back up anything they wanted to do, but she only rarely heard stories of _dragons_ doing bad things, and most of what she heard she didn't even believe. Their riders were a totally different story, of course, but for the most part she thought dragons were perfect beings. They could sense the nature of a person, as she understood it. That was how they decided who they liked. Their memories were short so that, as seemed to be the case with Koth, they maintained the innocence of a child.

She wished sincerely that _she_ still had the innocence of a child, and laughed mirthlessly at the thought of it. She'd been losing that very quality for years, the final straw having broken just a few days prior to her standing at the foot of her new bed. Temporary bed. Everything was temporary all of a sudden. Where she used to have a home, responsibilities, routines, and family she had nothing. It was a bitter root to swallow, but did not prevent her from stripping from H'val's wherhide jacket, Keral's now sweat stained tunic, and Rilow's quickly adjusted pants.

Even alone in the room she was ashamed to be naked, so afraid of spying herself in the looking glass across the room that she wouldn't so much as turn her back to the cold draft. She picked up the small square of white fabric that was her nightgown and walked carefully into the bathing chamber, dipping her hands into the naturally warmed water to swipe sweat from her body so as to avoid soiling the garment she would soon be donning. Refusing to look at her reflection in the water, feeling decidedly self conscious and distressingly vulnerable, she unwrapped her bandages and washed away the day's filth. She felt as though every person in the Weyr could see her through the walls. Imagined them looking at the telling bruises on her legs and waist. She could feel their judgment even as she carefully used a half folded towel, tossed carelessly in a corner, to dry herself before she unfolded Gareva's nightgown to slip over her head.

And then she looked at herself in the water's wavering reflection. Her dark hair fell down in tangles beside her cheeks, shining an odd sort of black in the dim light from the glowbasket in the corner of the room. She hated the color, nothing like the beautiful dragon-brown of her eldest sister and brother, or the black of between that sat atop her two other sisters' and dead brother's heads. She was something between the lot of them, and held none of their charm. Her skin was too dark to be delicate, having ruined the pure pale of a proper woman with many days out in the fields. Her eyes were too gray to be the beautiful Harper blue that her father once possessed, too blue to be the luscious sterling of her mother. She was too tall to be so thin, too thin to have the proper assets of a woman, and still too feminine to be a man. Nothing about her was right, and as her teeth sunk into her lower lip she kicked her reflection viciously, refusing to look at it any longer.

She stormed from the room, straight past the bed on aching feet until she was standing at the ledge of the junior queens weyr, staring off across the bowl. Everyone had clearly settled down for the night, content in their lives and positions while she was restless with turmoil. She hated herself. Hated men for taking what they didn't deserve. Hated women for allowing them to do so. Hated dragons for not helping. Hated dragonriders for being untouchable. Hated the Weyr for pretending to care. Hated the Holders for not caring enough _to _pretend. And for one agonizingly horrible moment, toes curling over the ledge as a gust of wind pushed her hair firmly from her face and the skirt of her gown billowed behind her, she sincerely considered ending it all.

_Small one?_ The voice stilled her mind. Calmed her, soothed her, and prevented hastily made decisions. She gazed across the bowl where she imagined the blue dragon was settled on his couch, trying to sleep but watching out for her in spite of her lowly status. _Small one, you are upset._

"I'm fine," she spoke to the wind. "Just… thinking."

_Well, do not think like that. H'val will be sad if you do. H'val is amazing. He should not be sad._

"All right, Koth," she assured halfheartedly. She knew that these weren't thoughts she should be entertaining. She had a mission she needed to see through to the end, no matter how bumpy the road was. There was no delusion about an easy life from thereon out. Little hope that things would work out well in any way. And still she was amazed that the creature could hear her from so far away. Shocked that he cared to watch out for her when he probably should have been fast asleep. "I won't think like that anymore."

_**You**__ should sleep, small one._

"I will," she promised, even though she wasn't sure that she could. She stood for a moment longer, staring across the bowl with a sort of desire before stepping back from the ledge to demonstrate her sincerity to a creature that wasn't even there. She wouldn't do anything drastic so long as he was in her head. "I'm going to bed right now."

_Sleep, small one. You are exhausted._

This fact, because it was indeed the truest sort of statement, didn't just apply to Elrenia's body. Her mind, her heart, her soul… _all_ of her was exhausted. She wanted to flit _between_ long enough to recuperate, but didn't dare contemplate the idea long enough for Koth to catch wind of it again. Apparently he'd deigned himself her guardian, and she didn't want the blue dragon to be tired in the morning because of her. He was far too good for that. Too good to care for the likes of her. Too many things… things she didn't deserve.

She was no one special. She had no exceptional talent to draw a dragon, but she did. For some reason while the creature was still in the air, going wherever he'd intended to go earlier that day, he was drawn to her. Whether it was her turmoil, or the strength of her thoughts, he chose to speak to this completely forgettable girl. He seemed to make the conscious choice to continue this contact even after he 'saved' her. She had absolutely no way to explain his interest in her. She had no talents that could be useful to him, no innocence to draw him to her. She had nothing.

She was nothing.

She had no exceptional beauty to draw a man, but somehow she succeeded in this as well, and the thought of it sent her mind reeling again. "Why me?" she whispered as she lowered herself to the bed. "Of all the beautiful women in the world, why did you choose me?" Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, but she did not grant them release as she eased aching limbs under the blankets and heavy fur spread across the bed. "I don't understand." She hated to wish such degradation, such cruelty on _anyone_, but sincerely failed to understand _his_ motivations. She understood his attack, to an extent. It was as simple as being tired of her refusal, and though she didn't accept it as an excuse, it explained his actions she supposed. She just didn't understand why a potential Holder would waste his time on the mannish daughter from a Cothold down the river.

For a long while she just laid in bed trying to refrain from considering such things, but nothing could control the insidious thoughts. Perhaps she could have fought them harder. Maybe she was allowing herself to dwell, subconsciously, as a sort of punishment for things that were so clearly her fault. Horrible things done because of her and no matter how she may have wished for relief, her guilt prevented her from forgetting. The thoughts followed her into deep sleep, poisoning her mind with visions of fire and thread fall. If she had to choose to stand in the burning Hold or be eaten alive – which would she pick? She imagined bodies destroyed by the carnivorous strands, blood soaking the ground, feeding the char that was feeding the flames that were destroying everything.

She awoke once to the feel of flames licking their way up her legs, catching and spreading even quicker up her tunic, setting her hair ablaze until she smelled nothing but flesh, hair, and smoke. Too tired to do more than stare at the ceiling for one horrified moment, initially unaware that there wasn't actually any fire, she simply rolled over and fell back to sleep. Waking again with a cry on her lips and the imagined agony of thread wrapping about her torso to eat its way clean through her. Z'den said it only took the organism a few seconds to devour a body, but her imagination drew those seconds out to an eternity. The cruelty of her own mind frightened her, but the exhaustion of her body kept her from any measures she could have taken toward comfort.

A more permanent waking occurred upon gentle pressure in her head, and the repetitive questioning, _Small one, what is wrong?_ She found the question to be one of the oddest things she'd ever been asked, because what could have possibly been perceived as wrong if she was sleeping? Raising her hand to swipe at whatever cousin, aunt, or uncle was bothering her, she found nothing but air and giving up immediately thereafter. She was too tired, and it was too early to be awake. She didn't have chores yet. Couldn't have chores yet. There was just no way she'd slept a full night and was still so tired. _Small one? _But obviously she'd slept later than intended or they wouldn't be bothering her. They may have expected an awful lot from her, but at least they were courteous most of the time. _Small one?_

"_What_?" she whined, wanting to roll over and return to sleep once more. But as one hand slipped beneath her cheek to act as a cushion she found that she was sweating. Lifting her head to investigate left her disturbed by the near glistening of her skin. _A nightmare,_ she thought, reached up to run a hand through her hair only to find it caught on a braid. _I never braid my hair. _And suddenly she remembered where she was, in a junior queen weyr at Benden, sleeping on a bed that wasn't hers, being spoken to by a dragon.

_Small one?_

There was the sound of something hitting the ledge of the weyr, and Elrenia sat straight up in bed, grabbing and holding her blanket over her chest at the sound of footsteps. She knew it would only offer superficial protection at the very most, but couldn't help herself. The thought that someone was there, in her room, without any warning or permission frightened her. It quickened her pulse and made the nightmare sweat begin anew. She feared her heart would pound out of her chest before the footsteps slowed, and a tentative voice called out, "Elrenia?"

"H-H'val?"

"You all right?" the boy sounded tired, yawning rather loudly as he stood in place in the outer weyr. "Can I come in?"

She wanted to say no, but the almost pleading, _Small one?_ made her sigh and reconsider. She wished Koth didn't care for her. She wished that H'val would leave if she didn't speak to him further. She wished that the Weyr would fade away, and she'd find herself waking from a horrible nightmare in her bedroom back in Levic, with colored glass hanging from ribbon in the window, and the eldest of her younger cousins strewn haphazardly across the bed beside her. Surely it was a wish that would never go away, no matter how loudly she begged for it to.

"Elrenia?"

The girl shook her head, and turned her head toward the heavy curtain as she asked, "What are you doing here, H'val?"

He took that as permission to enter the little sleeping cove, though he stayed mostly behind the curtain, just peeking in at the girl. She wondered how anyone could be so bold, but didn't get upset. This was his home, not hers. He had the right to do whatever he wished, and she could only be grateful that so far he seemed to be an honorable man. One who looked comfortable enough until he saw her face, and then he suddenly seemed nervous, uncomfortable with her embarrassment. And really, what had she to be embarrassed about? She was dressed, and had the added protection of the thick blanket to hide the legs bared by the gown that had ridden up in the dark of the night. It was the inappropriateness of the whole thing that bothered her. A man in a woman's room…

She readjusted her grip on the blanket, crossing her arms over her chest as she asked, "Well?"

"I…" He shook his head, keeping her gaze trained on the girl's eyes. "Koth said something was wrong with you, so I came to check."

"Wrong?" She looked to the wall, knowing the blue dragon was just beyond it. "Nothing's wrong with me, H'val. I was just asleep. What exactly did Koth… what did he… say?"

"He said you were crying," the man said quietly, slipping just slightly closer to the bed. "He said you were in pain, and frightened. Your mind was crying. Are you all right? Is it your feet?"

"I…" She wasn't sure what to say, and absently brushed some sweat slicked hair from her face. _Sweat_. "I… may have been having a nightmare," she explained shamefacedly. And then, in quiet assurance she said, "My feet are fine. I…"

"A nightmare?"

"Yes."

"Do you often have nightmares strong enough to wake dragons?" Elrenia wasn't sure if the man was teasing her or not, and didn't have the courage to look up to his face to find out. She just sat there, still clutching her blanket to her chest. She didn't even look up, though she flinched violently when H'val sighed and marched over to her bedside, sinking down beside her tiredly. "You know you don't have to be afraid of me, Elrenia."

"Yes, H'val."

"Why do you say my name like it's a title?"

This drew Elrenia's eyes because it almost sounded like the young man was complaining. She figured he would have been pleased with the show of respect, but his face was clouded with a confused sort of frustration. "I-it _is_ a title," she explained quietly. "It… it's your name. How… how do you want me to address you, Blue Rider?"

"See!" H'val made the single word sound like an accusation, and the girl pulled back and away from his pointing finger. "That's what I mean. My name isn't a _title_, it's just a name. And… and _don't_ call me 'Blue Rider'."

"But… you are."

"I _know_ I am," the young man stressed, running both hands through his hair as he took a deep breath. It struck Elrenia as one who was trying to keep his composure in front of a baiting child, except she wasn't actually _trying_ to bother him. "But… when you say it… it sounds like a _bad_ thing. Like… like…"

"I don't mean to insult you, H'val."

"There."

"H'val?"

"Now you're saying it like a name."

"I… don't understand."

"Now you're talking to me like I'm a person."

Elrenia stared in confusion, but for once her eyes were trained on his face. He looked so young sitting there, slumped over at the shoulders with eyes half squinted to peer at her in the dark. It occurred to her that the angry thought about him only being seventeen or eighteen turns couldn't have been so far off the mark. He looked as though he was a little boy trying to stay up late to listen in on his parents talking, trying desperately to prove that he was an adult even as his body wanted to betray him.

"Perhaps you should sleep…"

"I know what it's like."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not Weyrbred, you know." H'val's shoulders slumped further, dejected now and Elrenia's grip on her blanket loosened in puzzled awe. She had no clue dragonriders were _capable_ of looking vulnerable, but here the young man was, appearing to have been kicked while he was down. "I grew up at a stable near Fort Hold. When I got taken to the Weyr on search… I didn't know which way was up. It's different for us commoners." His shoulders didn't move from their stoop, but the boy looked toward the girls face for a moment. "We're no better than you are, Elrenia."

Smiling sadly at the boy, she found just enough courage to reach out and touch his arm. _Only you __**are**__ better than me…_ It was sweet of him to try to cheer her up, to make an attempt at solving her problem, but she couldn't express her fears to the boy. Z'den, an older man, weathered with experience and seemingly unapproachable because of it had been shocked and outraged by her few comments about the subject earlier. She couldn't begin to imagine how the young stable boy would react if he knew that she feared the more primal side of him.

"I'll keep that in mind, H'val."

"Not even Lessa is!" he said briskly. "You have to respect the people who deserve respect, but… but you don't have to take crackdust and shells from _anyone_!" There was fierceness about the boy that overrode the exhaustion in his tone, and made the brunette smile. He was staring at her determinedly, as though he could force her to understand and believe him through sheer force of will.

_He's a good kid_, Elrenia couldn't help thinking.

_H'val is amazing, _came Koth's smug agreement. _He's the best rider ever!_

"Elrenia?"

"Yes?"

"You… you're smiling all of a sudden."

Blushing brightly the girl looked down at her lap, wrapping her fists once more in the blanket as she explained, "Koth is… very fond of you."

"I'm fond of him."

"_Very_ fond."

"Koth!" he bellowed laughingly. "Stop embarrassing the poor girl, will you?"

_I am embarrassing you?_

"He isn't embarrassing me, H'val."

"Oh?"

"Don't 'oh' me!" she laughed at his raised eyebrow and pursed lips. "He _isn't_!"

"Then why are you blushing?"

Elrenia didn't know what to say, and so she laughed in response to the young man's question. Her mirth sent the boy into a fit of giggles at which she laughed harder, and before long the two were doubled over with tears in their eyes, highly amused for no clear reason but enjoying every second of it. After a moment or so the boy stood and extended a hand to Elrenia, an offer which she took only to find herself pulled from the bed before she ever knew what was happening.

Immediately the amusement was gone, replaced by a blind terror that had her ripping away and tumbling clumsily to the bed as H'val raised both hands in surrender. "What did I do?" he asked, apologetic and concerned. "Did I hurt you? Is it your feet? Are they hurting?"

_Small one? _Elrenia didn't know what to do immediately. She wanted to demand that the young man leave, but couldn't stop her heart from reaching for the salve offered by the free spirited humor that flowed about him. She wanted him to leave her but didn't want to be left alone, a combination that seized her mind with bewildered pain. _Small one? Are you well?_

"Koth says I frightened you," H'val said as he stepped forward, and then rocked back on his heels when he realized his presence may not have been appreciated. "I'm sorry. I… didn't mean to."

_Small one?_

_ I… he…_

_ H'val is amazing. Tell him what is wrong so he can fix you. He's amazing. He can fix you._

"I…"

"Koth says there's something wrong. Should I go get Brekke?"

This broke the girl from her mind, forced her to look up as she shook her head to demonstrate the seriousness of her refusal. "No. I… don't need anyone else to lose sleep over me." Koth and H'val were more than enough. She rather wanted the woman who would be showing up to care for her feet in a few scant hours to be happy and well rested. "I'm sorry. I… suppose I'm a little jumpy."

"Why?" Something in Elrenia's expression made H'val draw back for a moment, and immediately moved back forward with an extended hand. This time, however, he was careful to explain, "The sun's going to be rising soon. I figure I'm not getting any sleep and thought it might be nice to sit on the ledge with Koth. Would you like to join me?"

Elrenia blushed when she realized she'd panicked for nothing. He just wanted to sit with her, and she appreciated the sentiment, having no urge to return to the nightmares she could barely remember. She didn't want to talk about the half remembered dreams however, and so she didn't mention them. She didn't mention anything. Didn't speak. Didn't respond.

And when, for several moments she hadn't murmured a single word, H'val nervously stammered, "U-unless you want to go back to sleep or something?"

"I'd… really enjoy sitting with you."

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_**leavesfallingup, I meant that she's not like Brekke or Lessa. One would assume she can impress if there's a dragon out there for her.**_

_**Blue is canon for women? =O I don't recall reading this in any** **of the books.**_


	13. Chapter 12

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 12**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Koth was laying on the ledge of the weyr, forelegs curled under his chin when they walked out. And though he extended one arm for them to lean against, he didn't even open his eyes to acknowledge their presence. The air was crisp with late fall, but it felt good against Elrenia's overheated skin. It dried the sweat, and calmed the fiery blush that still hadn't left her face. Unfortunately no amount of calm or comfort could make the two of them sitting there in the semi-dark any less awkward. It was as though the discomfiture was an obstacle that they needed to overcome before they could deal with each other.

The thing that finally broke the ice was the big blue dragon letting out a wheezing sort of snort that startled Elrenia into an awkward crouch so she could twist and look back at him. H'val's face immediately started to flame red as, in confusion, the girl whispered, "Dragons… can snore?"

"I'm pretty sure it's just Koth," the young rider muttered through his mortification. "And I'm pretty sure he does it just to embarrass me."

Reaching forward to stroke the creature's flank, Elrenia smiled gently when he let out another muffled snort and tossed his head to the side, rather obviously providing his eyeridge for scratching. The final straw came when the blue opened a single eyelid just slightly to see if either person was moving toward him, like a child peeking at his parents when he should have been fast asleep. Elrenia started laughing at the display, reaching out to obediently scratch the ridge, pleased when a content rumble was produced and the eye slid closed once more.

"I don't see why it would be embarrassing," she said as she glanced over at the boy. "It's kind of endearing, really. Cute."

_Thank you._

"You think so?" H'val asked, sounding just slightly anxious. "Back when he was just a dragonet the other weyrlings would tease us about it."

"And what do they know? Who says a dragon can't snore?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Elrenia could see H'val smiling. It felt good to know she could cheer him up, especially when she couldn't identify the cause of the sudden pseudo-depression. She felt decidedly more comfortable at the boy's side when she turned and sat back against Koth once more. "Your parents must have been very proud when you impressed," she commented idly. "To have a dragonrider in the family… it must be amazing."

"Not really."

"Pardon?" Elrenia turned her head, a little shocked to have been contradicted so suddenly. Her glance revealed the rider staring shamefacedly at the ground, shoulder hunching forward in much the same way they had when he explained that he wasn't weyrbred. Immediately she realized that something wasn't quite right with the situation, because who _wouldn't_ be proud of a dragonriding son? It was an honor. It was a privilege. Or, at the very least, everyone seemed to think so. But… for some reason this made H'val uncomfortable, and she didn't know why or how to go about fixing it. "H'val…"

"Nothing," he dismissed casually. "It's nothing. Not important."

And though Elrenia was outrageously curious she had no right to pursue the subject, so she kept her counsel. She just settled closer to the blue dragon, allowing the warmth of his hide to warm her back against the cold. Slowly, the longer they stayed out, the colder it seemed to be getting. It still didn't bother her very much, but it was much less comfortable than when she first stepped out. The sweat had cooled, the residual heat from her nightmares had vanished, and now she was truly beginning to feel the elements little by little.

"So… where do you come from?" H'val asked quietly, breaking the silence the only way he really could. "And what were you doing in a wherry field anyway? I mean… I know you were traveling, but… but _why_ were you?"

Elrenia hesitated, looked away from the young man, and murmured, "I was… trying to get to my family. I… they…"

_Small one?_

"I'm fine, Koth," she soothed, reaching to the side to stroke the worry from the creature again. She still needed to take a deep breath before she was able to muster the nerve to explain, being sure to look as far away from H'val as possible as she said, "I… lived in a small Cothold near Benden Hold. I… I'd been caring for it since my… since my brother's death a few seasons ago."

"I'm so sor—"

"Don't," the girl spoke harsher than she probably should have. "I don't… I… there's nothing you could have done." She seriously considered apologizing for what could be considered insolence, but couldn't bring herself to. This wasn't a subject she was willing to bend on. She didn't _want_ him to be sorry for her, because his pity would do her no good. In lieu of apologizing, and in order to soften the edge of her words she glanced over and explained, "Apologies won't change anything."

She was relieved to see him nod his head in acceptance. He didn't seem the least bit upset or insulted by her, and she couldn't help but let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding when he said, "I felt much the same way when my mother passed away. I may have just been a kid, but even back then I knew that most of the apologies were a farce."

Elrenia pivoted her body slightly, looking at H'val more closely when she asked, "How old were you when she died?"

"Just past my ninth turn."

A sad little grin spread on her face when she said, "Mine died when I was ten."

And they looked at each other, making eye contact when in unison they said, "I'm sorry." This apology was different. It wasn't the feigned sorrow felt by someone who couldn't respond to bad news in any other way. _This_ apology was different in that they both knew the pain of the loss they were expressing sympathy for. There was sorrow, a moment of unparalleled _shared_ sadness, and then the two smiled. Just for a moment Elrenia understood what Koth meant when he said that H'val was the best person ever. He reminded her so much of her brother.

_Everything reminds me of him_, she thought sadly, looking out across the bowl as she drew her knees up to her chest. The cold air was no longer particularly comfortable. Suddenly it seemed to be sapping the warmth from her body, and Koth's solid form behind her did nothing to help. There was an odd rustle of movement just seconds before the creature's tail slithered around to cover Elrenia's legs as much as possible, and H'val stood to move toward the weyr without any warning.

"H'val?"

_You're cold. He's getting you something to make you warm._

"How did he know I was cold?"

_I told him_.

"Blabber mouth."

She heard the creature let out another amused puff of air, and smiled a little as she leaned her head back. Being there with the two men, though one of them was from a different species, was keeping her problems from her mind. It didn't make them go away. It didn't fade the ache from her feet or legs. It didn't make her insides feel any less like raw, pulverized meat. But it made her _mind_ feel better, and that was more than she had originally been willing to ask for. To feel at peace for the few minutes, with the wind fluttering her messy hair and a blanket being settled over her legs, was a gift.

Smiling at H'val as he wrapped his own blanket around his shoulders, she watched him go about settling into his own seat against Koth. He seemed to be sincerely content to just sit there with her, silent and peaceful. He didn't even speak immediately after sitting. The boy just let her relax, and by doing so almost had her fast asleep. Turning her head just slightly had the dragon's hearts beating in her ear, and _that_ was amazingly calming.

She didn't want to sleep though, fearing the possibilities of more nightmares. But more than that she was afraid of what H'val would do if he witnessed her having one. If Rilow's waking her up almost roughly was any indication, then her own reactions to these dreams were animated, violent. She didn't want to risk anything, and so she risked gazing directly at the boy to ask, "What am I supposed to do here?"

"Excuse me?"

"At the Weyr," the girl tried to elaborate. "What am I supposed to do while I stay here?"

H'val tilted his head slightly, almost hesitating when he said, "Recuperate."

"Nonsense," she murmured. "I can't just sit about doing nothing."

"Yes, Elrenia," he returned just as softly. "You _can_. You're wounded. You would be in the infirmary right now if there was any room…"

"Why _is_ there no room in the infirmary?"

"An accident during a fall a few sevendays past." At frst it seemed as though he wasn't going to give any more information, but when he looked over and saw that he had her undivided attention he seemed to reconsider. "A Bronze got caught in a tangle and fell – we still don't know why he didn't just go _between_. But in an effort to avoid flaming him several dragons ended up flying into tangles as well. They fell from the sky far too rapidly. We, the riders from the other Weyrs, got called in immediately to help out with everything."

This shocked Elrenia. She didn't know that such things could happen, and feeling acutely the warmth of the beautiful blue behind her she asked, "Are… are they… okay?"

"We only lost one dragon," H'val spoke with a soft sort of a sorrow. "His rider is still recovering."

"That must have been terrible."

"Hope you're never around for a tribute," the man said. "It's the most heartbreaking thing you'll ever hear."

Elrenia nodded her head, not willing to disagree with such a statement, but she couldn't just accept the answer she'd been given about her role in the Weyr. She thought how best to phrase her question without potentially insulting the young man, and finally settled on asking, "But… surely I'll be expected to do… to do _something_."

She just wanted him to be honest. She wanted to know what work or abuses she had to look forward to, and in the very least H'val – born a stable boy – would have known that honesty would be best for her. He seemed… different, in a way. Z'den carried himself with what may have been an arrogant pride, where H'val always seemed to be conscientious. Z'den ordered her about while H'val made requests and was very polite. Surely that had something to do with his upbringing. He shared many of her values, unless she was completely misunderstanding his person… he would tell her the truth. _Won't he?_

The blue rider looked at Elrenia critically for a moment, his eyes suddenly gaining that far away look that seemed to signify a conversation with his dragon. The young man's thin eyebrows creased, his nose wrinkling in what may have been shocked disgust before he was actually looking at her again. He opened his mouth more than once to speak, but for a long moment no sound was emitted. Not until he finally breathed, "Do you really think so ill of us?"

"H'val?"

The boy shifted forward to his knees, looking as though he wanted to hug and shake her at the same time. "You… we would never…" He reached up to run his hands through his hair, sighing loudly as Koth finally opened his eyes – jewels swirling with purple and red – and nudged him in the side. "Who told you that dragonriders… do that?"

She started to blush, unsure of what exactly he was talking about but blushing with shame all the same. "D-do what?"

"I've never known a rider to be with a woman against her expressed wishes—with the very special exception of Queen Riders during mating flights. But that has nothing to do with the man. Elrenia…" He seemed truly disturbed by whatever Koth was telling him, but she now had a very _clear_ picture of what the conversation was about. The blue had heard, or felt, or sensed her fears. The blue told his rider, and she didn't know how to keep the beast from her head. "Elrenia, whatever people have told you in the past, you are _safe_ here," he said rather fiercely. "No one here will hurt you. Not like that. Not on purpose. And… and if someone loses their mind and gets the idea to try something like that, I swear on Koth's egg that I will protect you."

Elrenia wanted to badly to believe him. _I will protect you small one. _She wanted so badly to believe _both_ of them, but she couldn't. Too much had happened for her to just blindly trust a man she'd known for a less than a day. All of the peaceful comfort she'd felt moments ago was gone, leaving her feeling empty and scared again. Koth's eyes swirled more frantically as he wrapped her even more tightly in his tail, trying to soothe her but unaware of the best way to. _Small one?_

_ Please don't tell H'val what I'm thinking anymore,_ she requested, wishing that the moment hadn't been ruined. _Please, I… thoughts are private for a reason, Koth._

_ I am sorry, small one._ The dragon really did sound regretful too, turning his frantic eyes from her to stare off into the distance, making a sad crooning noise even as H'val moved to console him and figure out what was wrong. _I did not mean to upset you._

"No Koth," she murmured aloud. "You didn't upset me."

_But I should not have told H'val._

"Koth…"

"What did you say to him?" H'val half asked, half demanded. "He's not talking to me anymore!"

"I-I just asked him t-to not talk about what I'm thinking anymore," she stammered, leaning back and away from the dawning fury on the man's face, "I-I'm sorry. I-I-I—"

Koth nudged H'val in the head, tilting his snout in an apparent plea to be scratched on the eyeridge. The rider complied, but didn't quite stop glaring at the girl. She felt horrible for having upset the dragon, shamed to have been caught by the rider, and a little confused when the brown eyes staring at her softened suddenly. She hadn't the slightest idea why he would suddenly stop being mad, though he rested his forehead against the beasts snout for a moment, murmuring loving words that made her blush and look away.

_Do not be upset, small one._

_ I didn't mean to make you or H'val upset._

_ And I did not mean to upset you._

"Sorry, Elrenia," H'val muttered. "A rider can't really help but be protective, you know?"

"Of course, I… I'm sorry to have upset him, but…" She shook her head and rubbed her eyes, pushing her feet against the ground to press herself more tightly to Koth. The dragon, in response, continued tightening his tail. _It's like a giant hug, _she thought almost pleasantly. _It's like Koth is giving me a hug._ She closed her eyes and settled again, finally saying, "My thoughts are my own, and while I appreciate the concern… I'd prefer for certain things to stay unspoken, you know?"

"Of course," H'val agreed. "Kind of like how Lessa will check on her riders through their dragons – they hate that."

"It's not fun to have your innermost thoughts… betrayed."

"Koth won't ever do it again."

"I know."

The silence was tense after that, Elrenia turning around the stare across the slowly brightening bowl while H'val concentrated on stroking the displeasure out of his dragon through the creature's right eyeridge. She wondered why things couldn't be simple for once, wondered why misunderstandings needed to happen. For what it was worth in her current mind frame, she rather liked H'val. He didn't make her feel safe, not the way that Koth did, but he didn't frighten her either. That was more than she could say about a lot of people right then.

But, of course, after upsetting his dragon he didn't like her anymore. He'd warmed up to her immediately. He'd been kind to her. He'd protected her. One could argue that he _saved_ her. But she ruined it. Without even meaning to, she ruined _everything. _As was the course of the universe. The only way things could have possibly gone. She got a few hours of happiness, and that was all the world could spare for her at the moment. Maybe if she could survive her trial by fire she'd find some semblance of contentment, at the very least she hoped she would.

She hoped many things, and forced herself to stop thinking. She forced her mind clear, because hoping would only upset her. Hoping would only remind her of how hope_less_ her situation was. How hopeless _she_ was. She spent far too much time hoping, and not nearly enough trying to make those hopes, those wishes come true. _Being passive won't get me anywhere_, she told herself firmly, remembering her mother's old rule about chores. No matter how passionately she wished them done, they'd still be there if she didn't do what she needed to do. And here, in Benden Weyr, sitting in a junior queen's weyr with H'val and Koth, the first thing she needed to do was make amends.

Before she even started to formulate a plan she felt the tail around her legs tighten almost convulsively. It wasn't the tender, comforting touch of earlier, but a seeking one._ If you don't want H'val to know what you're thinking, _Koth sounded distinctly upset,_ does that mean I cannot talk to you anymore?_

Elrenia turned to look at the beast, shaking her head sadly. Was the dragon really so upset? So convinced she was angry? _Of course not, Koth,_ she assured, reaching to the side to stroke his flank. _I… I like when you talk to me. You make me feel better about things._

_ Things?_

"My Hold was destroyed," she said out loud rather unexpectedly. H'val stopped tending his dragon to stare at her even as Koth tilted his head to get a view of her as well. "I'm not quite sure how long ago—a sevenday perhaps. It… the fire was… I've… been rather unlucky recently. My brother died. I… I lost a few people to the fire, not to mention my home and my… my possessions. I… It is nothing against either of you. You're both so very kind, and I can only hope that you'll put up with me until I'm able to get my head on straight again."

H'val did not speak. Koth did not touch her mind. Elrenia looked out across the bowl again to avoid their stares, feeling decidedly self conscious all of a sudden. _I should have kept quiet_. Her problems were her own, and no one else cared. No one wanted to know why she was rude, all they cared about was that fact that she was. _This doesn't concern them._ It didn't concern Kelby's family either, but she'd told them. Surely the rumor had spread. Rilow had sent word to Keroon, likely to the Harper Hall as well. Word was traveling from Harper to Harper. Harper to Holder. Holder to Holder. It was spreading, and eventually everyone would know, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

For a moment she sincerely wished that, in her moment of weakness, she _hadn't_ told Rilow everything he wanted to know. The ramifications of her story would be seen far and wide, and then what would she do? The Weyrleader would figure it out, he was a smart man. She wouldn't be able to hide herself after that, and then what protection could she get? Nothing could stop _him_ if she was stationary, and suddenly she had the overwhelming urge to flee. She wanted to _walk_ from the Weyr if it was the only way to stay out of the public's eyes.

_And who says that they'll care?_ the shadow crept into her mind suddenly. _Who says that anyone will care at all? You're a simple Cotholder. An orphan. No one cares for you. Your problems mean nothing._ She clutched her fists in the blanket over her legs, briefly noting that Koth was holding her close again, nudging H'val in her direction. _You're having delusions of grandeur, thinking your story will change the world. You should have stayed when he told you to. It would hurt less that way._

_ Small one?_

The arm that wrapped around her was a surprise, pulling her into H'val's side as he sat close to her. He didn't say a word. Didn't murmur one of those infernal apologies. Didn't try to sympathize. Didn't try to pretend to understand. He simply held her, and after the initial horrified tension Elrenia settled under his arm. Not long after she settled her shoulders relaxed, the tension slowly fading as Koth spoke calm, tender words in her mind. Not long after she relaxed her eyes felt impossibly heavy, and then she was asleep.

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_**Ah, so it was Todd's book... which I haven't read... and am not entirely sure I want to.**_

_**Thank you for all the information guys! I'm glad you all seem to be enjoying this** **=D**_


	14. Chapter 13

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 13**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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_Sleep small one, _Koth's voice pushed into her mind as she started to rouse. _All is well, and you are very tired. _The problem with this was that things clearly were _not _well. There was a rather distinct shouting coming from the inner weyr, and as time went on it got louder and angrier. She tried to continue sleeping as she was ordered. At first it went well, because her mind was free of guilt and pain. There was nothing but the comforting tail wrapped around her legs, and the blanket wrapped around her torso. It was fine until the shouts stopped being distant incoherent noises and started actually making sense. Someone was shouting about her. Someone was shouting her name clearly as someone else – H'val – was trying to calm them down by shouting right back.

Elrenia twisted in her seat, disturbed to find that the tail wrapped around her did not loosen its grip to release her. "Koth?" she murmured groggily, blinking her eyes to find the sky a delicate blue, bright with morning as the sun just started to warm the cool air for the Weyr. "What're you doing?" she murmured questioningly, trying to stand only to have the large head move around and nudge her back to her seat. "Koth?"

_Sleep, small one,_ he repeated a bit more sternly. _You do not need to be awake._

"Koth, let me go," she murmured, and was mildly relieved to find herself on her feet this time, ignoring the brief flash of discomfort. However, when she started to turn toward the doorway, the blue dragon blocked her passage with a foreleg. "Koth," she spoke his name in firm warning. "You do not want to play this game with me. _Why_ are people yelling out there?"

_Brekke_.

"What of her?"

_She is very upset._

"Why?"

_For you to have been moved about, _Koth explained with purple swirling eyes. _For H'val and I to be here at all. She believes that he is giving you a hard time._

"And why can't I go out?"

_You do not like for people to be mad…_

The girl stopped suddenly, eyes softening at the admission. _Koth_, she realized abruptly, _is trying to protect me._ And it was really rather sweet. She smiled, reached out to touch his snout, and then to rub his eyeridge when it was presented. "I'll be fine Koth. I figure it's best for me to save H'val right now. A little… payback for his kindness."

_You will help him?_

"I'll certainly try."

_Good, _he spoke, eyes slowly melding into a distant shade of blue. _He is very upset right now_.

With a parting scratch, Elrenia took a step toward the weyr. The last thing she expected was a brain searing pain to wash over her body and before she knew what was happening she was on her knees, sightless, with a frantically crooning Koth nudging her back. She heard footsteps, and more shouting in Brekke's voice, but nothing really made any sense. She was out of her mind with agony, trying to figure out what happened and why.

_Small one? _Koth spoke loudly in her head. _Small one, speak. Small one, speak!_

"She'll be fine, Koth," Brekke voice assured, and Elrenia could feel cool hands settling against her neck and face. "She'll be fine. Elrenia?" The tone was beseeching, begging for a response of any kind from the downed girl. "Elrenia, dear, can you hear me?"

The brunette opened her mouth to respond, but found she could only barely gasp. She nodded her head instead, thinking loudly, _Koth. Tell her I can hear. My… oh it hurts._

"Elrenia, dear, what hurts? Talk to me."

_I… I can't catch my breath._

"You can't breathe?"

Next thing Elrenia knew she was being pushed to the ground, rolled over immediately after so a hand could touch her chest, something even bigger was settling next to it and she panicked. She moved, tried to buck away whatever was on her, but was held down by her shoulder. "Off!" she squeaked, and started coughing. "G'off!"

"Good," Brekke encouraged. "Good. Breathe." After the girl took a deep, shuddering breath the woman asked, "Can you talk now? Elrenia? Tell me what happened."

"H-hurts," she stammered unhelpfully. "F-feet."

"I _told_ you she wasn't supposed to be walking around!" Brekke snapped immediately, and Elrenia felt the hands leave her body as the healer got to her feet. "Last night was fine because she couldn't feel it, but the numbweed's worn off you dimglow! She's in pain."

"She was asleep before," H'val spoke quietly, sounding rather distressed. "I wasn't going to let her walk or anything. But I wasn't expecting your _screaming_ at me to wake her up!"

"F-fine," she tried to ensure as her vision started to fade back in. "I-I-I'm fine. I—"

"Crackdust!" Brekke snapped, glaring hotly down at the girl as she started to sit up. "And don't you dare try to move. You aren't in any condition!"

"I-I-I'm fine!"

"No," H'val murmured, moving past Brekke to kneel at her side. "You're not fine, Elrenia. You… I've never seen feet look like yours do right now. They…" He turned to look up at Brekke, obviously distressed by something. "Are they going to be okay?" he asked, motioning toward the damaged appendages. "They… aren't supposed to be that color."

"Color?" Elrenia moved to sit up, groaned at the effort until H'val supported her back with one arm, and was horrified to find her feet a deep purple, almost black. She gasped at the sight, and looked straight up at Brekke in alarm. "W-w-what—"

"It's just bruising," the woman quickly explained. "Don't worry about it too much dear. But you _have_ to stay off your feet." She moved to kneel and look at them more closely, but shook her head and turned her focus on the blue rider still supporting the girl. "H'val, can you carry her to the bed? I'm going to go to the caverns and get some gauze to wrap these with. Maybe compression will help…"

The woman was walking away before either of the other two realized what was ordered of them. Eventually H'val looked down at the girl though, biting his lip in nervous contemplation as he shifted his grip behind her back. Elrenia wasn't quite sure _why_ he was so hesitant about picking her up. The rider struck her as a rather confident young man, and to see him wracked with indecision made her wonder what was going through his mind.

She didn't have to wonder long, as after a few seconds H'val cleared his throat loudly and gruffly asked, "Do… do you… uh… mind?"

"Mind?"

"Can I… uh… can I pick you up?"

Elrenia nodded her head just a little hesitantly, and held her breath as she was scooped from the floor. She told herself, firmly, that everything was perfectly fine. Being picked up was really the only logical course of action, especially considering the massive pain she'd just experienced. It may have been her imagination, but the girl could feel herself sway in H'val's arms and wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders for fear of falling.

"I won't drop you," he automatically promised, but she didn't loosen her grip as he continued walking with her.

She didn't really seem to respond to anything at all, not until they'd entered the inner weyr and the young man was turning toward the bed. This made her tense, just before she murmured, "The chairs," in her most pleading tone.

"Elrenia?" he asked in confusion, turning his head to peer at the side of her face. "What—"

"Please," she spoke with an edge. "Take me to the chairs. I-I'd prefer to sit."

"But—"

"_Please_, H'val."

_Small one? Why are you frightened?_

_ Just tell him to take me to the chairs!_

Immediately the boy was pivoting, marching over to place her as gently as possible in the chair. The moment he released her, his hands were going up to rub his eyes in tired frustration. "Koth says I scared you again," he murmured. "You're like a flutterbug…"

"Flutterbug?"

"A flutterbug. A flitter. A fire lizard. Whatever you want to call them."

"How am I like a fire lizard?"

"I'm pretty sure if you could pop _between_ every time someone startled you you'd do it without a second thought!"

The brunette looked at the young man in surprise at this announcement, thoroughly startled that the comparison was actually quite apt once she got over the insult of being compared to such a flighty animal. Because the truth of the matter was that she _would_ have hidden _between_ when frightened if it was a possibility. It would have been incredible to have such a fail proof sort of protection available to her. But she didn't, so she had to settle for looking away in a distant sort of shame until the man grabbed her shoulder and bowed his head.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I… I'm just not used to being scolded by my dragon for something like this. Koth tends to think that so long as I haven't put my own life in danger I… I'm perfect."

"Perfect?"

"It's… a commoner couldn't understand what it's like… to be loved so unconditionally…"

"My parents—"

"I've no doubt that your parents loved you, Elrenia," the man defended quietly, not so much as hearing the girl out. "But no one in the world has ever loved you like a dragon loves his rider."

"Or a rider loves his dragon?"

"Exactly."

The girl couldn't help staring off to the side as H'val clearly had a conversation with his beast. It seemed rude to watch him, examining as he left himself momentarily vulnerable to the world. Briefly she wondered if he was conscious of the world around him, wondered how he could willingly hold long conversations if anyone could come up and hurt him. The thought was terrifying to her. _Everything is terrifying to me._ She leaned back in her seat, pulling her knees to her chest as she braced her heels on the edge of the chair. It was uncomfortable, physically, but it offered her a mild feeling of protection.

She hated feeling so exposed, but couldn't see an immediate solution to the matter while she was in the Weyr. The only clothing she had were the few articles in her bag, supplied by Gareva. The fact that she was in a nightgown didn't make things more comfortable for her at all, but she tried not to think about it. She tried not to think about anything. And, staring at the wall with nothing but the quiet buzz of ambient noise in her mind… it wasn't so hard to block out those thoughts that tended to creep up on her from the darkest portions of her mind. It wasn't so hard to be calm.

She dozed off, rocked into sleep by the gentle caress of a feeling that could only be described as protection, rolling off of Koth in waves. He intended to look after her, whether he had to rip his wings off to get into the inner weyr or not. A passing thought made her wonder why the blue was taking such an interest in her, but she didn't ask. She was too tired. Content to sleep balled up in the chair until Brekke pounded back into the room, startling her awake.

"Elrenia?" the young woman asked, staring at her hard for a moment. "You've gone pale…"

"You… scared me."

"I… am sorry." The woman continued to stare at her oddly, moving forward only to step back again when the girl flinched away from her touch. "I'm just looking at your _feet_ child, be calm." There was a hint of frustration in the tension of her shoulders, and so the brunette tried to cooperate. However, her feet were tender to the touch, and when the disgust of bodily contact didn't push her away the pain did. "Elrenia, _what_ is the matter?"

"It's nothing," the girl lied. But at Brekke's incredulous stare she amended, "It just hurts a lot."

"Well I brought some numbweed." The woman promised gently. "It won't hurt much longer."

Feet were smothered with the salve at the nod of agreement, and Elrenia relaxed just a little as the pain quickly receded. Leaning back in her seat so that the healer could look at her other wounds, the girl made sure to think of anything but the hands on her body. Brekke unwrapped and cleaned the scraps on her arms, shifted her ankle to test the sprain, pulled the skirt up just a little higher when some discoloration caught her eye and got kicked squarely in the shoulder as her patient lashed out.

It was all Elrenia could do to sit perfectly still after she floored the woman who was only trying to help her. She wanted to apologize for her actions, but found that she couldn't do more than squeak, her throat having closed up in panic. She was ashamed. Horrified by her behavior, and shifted her gaze to the floor when she caught H'val staring at her. _Dimglow! _she berated herself. _Why would you do something like that, after they've been so nice to you? __**Dead**__glow!_

_Small one…_

"You okay, Brekke?" H'val asked, pulling the woman up by her arm. "The squatting threw you off balance, huh? Shouldn't have tried to get up so fast."

The smile he threw their way was bright, and Elrenia wasn't sure what to do. He was lying, clearly. He was pretending that nothing happened so that they could move on with the situation, and she was grateful for this even if she couldn't get the violence out of her head. The urge to apologize was nearly overwhelming, but Brekke nodded her head at the blue rider's words, and speaking up would have been a further insult to the both of them.

All things considered, the visitor was healing well, and so Brekke dusted the back of her tunic and turned to leave, grabbing H'val's arm to drag him along even as she left the jar of numbweed and extra bandages behind. She pulled him beyond Elrenia's field of vision, but the sudden lack of footsteps told the girl that they hadn't actually left the weyr yet. One could hear a person moving about several minutes before they ever entered the room.

"I'm going to send the healer up," Brekke's voice sounded lowly. "I tell you, something isn't right with that girl."

"She didn't mean to hit you, Brekke," H'val sighed. "She's just hurt, and… and really scared."

"What has she to be scared of? She's in a _Weyr_!"

"Not everyone has a high opinion of Dragonmen, you know that," the boy reasoned. "My own father didn't want me to be one of you. Thinks ill because I was chosen instead of one of the others – don't you remember? He won't let us land near his fields anymore! There are many like him who won't let us bring their children on search."

"But still. To seek refuge with people you hate…"

"She doesn't _hate_ us." H'val sighed loudly. "She's just afraid of us."

"What is there to be afraid of? Weyrfolk don't hurt—"

"I know it's silly. But it is what it is."

"I'm bringing the healer."

"I never said you shouldn't."

"She… isn't stable."

"Everyone has unwarranted fear…" There was an awkward pause just as Koth bugled loudly from the outer ledge. Not a second later, in a horrified tone, H'val muttered, "She can hear us!"

Though the healer was quick to leave after that, Elrenia was curled up and red faced with shame. Not only had she made herself seem completely and totally ungrateful, but unstable? _She thinks I'm crazy_. And maybe she _was_. Maybe the former Cotholder lost her mind somewhere between Levic and Kelby's hold, left it laying there in the forest during one of her falls. Maybe she'd past the point of no return long before the blue dragon spotted her in the wherry field, and it was too late to fix her.

All the same, as H'val moved toward the girl apologetically after he reentered the room, she hugged her knees to her chest and turned her face away. _I… am unstable._ She was. It made perfect sense. She couldn't sleep through the night. Couldn't wake up in anything other than a panic. The touch that once calmed and soothed suddenly terrified and disgusted her. In just over a sevenday she'd turned into a person she didn't know she was capable of being. Introverted and suspicious of everything.

"Elrenia?"

"Please go."

"But—"

"H'val!" Her eyes snapped up to his face, and he drew back at their hollowness. She was empty. Void of everything save fear, and he was horrified by the sight. "Please, just… I… go. I want to be alone." It was a simple enough explanation, but afraid that the boy would refuse her request she continued, "You were with me all night. You should sleep. You need to go sleep."

"Elrenia—"

Koth bugled from the ledge again, and after only a moment's further hesitation the rider stepped out of the weyr. It relieved her to be left alone, even as darkness immediately started invading her thoughts. _I'm not stable_. She was a danger to herself. Danger to others. A danger to all those who crossed her path. _He will come for me_. And when he did, he'd burn down the whole Weyr to have her. He was able to destroy a Hold without a second thought, what was a Weyr when a man had no shame?

He was able to kill eight children, so what was a dragonrider's life? A dragon's? He held nothing sacred, not if he would not gain from it directly. Yes, the dragons kept the ground safe from thread, and the creatures would not live without their riders, but he'd just as soon stay secreted away in the stone walls of his father's Hold forever. Thinking about it had Elrenia's hands in her hair, gripping firmly as she tried to rid herself of the notions. She was alone now, and it was his fault. It wouldn't have bothered her if not for that simple fact.

It was okay to be alone. It had never bothered her before. For two seasons she'd been almost completely alone. No friends or family checked up on her much after her brother died—she was too far out of the way. But if no one bothered her, then she was okay. Family rarely visited, and rarer still strangers did. For her, alone could almost be considered a _good_ thing. Except for the darkness. The darkness made her rise from her seat even though she knew she shouldn't, and carried her to the outer Weyr where she could see dragons taking to flight from their own ledges.

The creatures were magnificent, sparkling in the sun as they pumped, glided, appeared and disappeared without any warning. She stood there, shivering in the morning chill for a long while, just staring out across the bowl at the dragons. Somehow they calmed her, their gentle brilliance acting as a salve for her frayed nerves. The movement of the creatures about the place slowed, however, and once more there was nothing to steal Elrenia's attention.

Wrapping her arms about her chest, the girl sunk to the floor against one of the stone walls, just staring across the way. She wanted to go, wanted to move around and do something. Anything. But what was there for her to do in a Weyr? She had no right to be around the dragons. She doubted there were chores to do, with all of the people they were said to have in the caverns. The very last thing she wanted was to get in anyone's way, but sitting there idly made her anxious.

Eventually the Weyrfolk would get tired of her loitering about, feeding off of them like a tunnel snake. When that day came, she hadn't the slightest idea what she'd do with herself. She was further from Keroon now than she had been when H'val picked her up, and while she respected and was grateful to him for doing so, she had no idea how she'd get back down there. Perhaps she could walk down to Benden Hold, perhaps it was the best decision. Lord Holder Raid was the one who had to deal with her situation, so going to him was _logical_. However going to him alone…

Elrenia wanted to get to her brother first. He would know what to do, would go with her to help her fix things, would stand with her before Lord Raid. He would support her. But first she needed to figure out how to find him. She remembered clearly a message sent by runner, over a Turn old, telling her that they were relocating, moving from Fort, another message would be sent when they settled. But another message never arrived. Raising one hand to rub her eyes, it occurred suddenly to the girl that her brother could easily be dead. That was why he never sent a message. Him, his entire family, they were all dead. Turns dead. Turns dead and she'd never known. Never bothered to think about it hard. What kind of sister was she? What kind of niece? Daughter? Cousin? Friend? To allow every member of her family to die without lifting a finger to save them? What kind of monster was she?

_A horrible monster_. The view, it seemed, wasn't warding off the darkness anymore. Lowering her forehead to her raised knees, the brunette tried desperately to clear her mind of such things, but the thought was merciless. _A terrible monster._ She shook her head, closed her eyes, focused on the cool wind. _A murderer_. She knew she wasn't. She hadn't _done_ anything—_That's the problem. You didn't do anything. You let him kill them. You killed them. You killed them all._

"Elrenia?"

Flinching, stormy eyes shot to the opening of the inner weyr, unwilling to call out to whoever was searching for her. A woman, one whose voice she didn't recognize, was looking for her. It shouldn't have panicked her as much as it did, but the girl couldn't help curling over herself even further as she could clearly make out footsteps taking the visitor closer and closer to where she'd hidden herself away. If it was possible for her to melt into the wall behind her, she would have when a sigh sounded from the entrance, followed by the words, "What in the world are you doing out here?"

"Nothing." For the life of her, Elrenia couldn't figure out what possessed her to speak. "Please… just leave me."

"No can do lady," the woman said smoothly, "I promised Koth I'd fix things up with you."

"Fix things…"

"And I'm starting by getting you in out of the cold," the woman explained. "You're not dressed to be out here, so high up."

"We're not that high…"

"We're high enough for you to fall to your death. Now get up."

Reluctantly, Elrenia rose, standing before the strange woman with her arms wrapped self consciously over her chest. Immediately she noticed that the stranger was several inches shorter than her, but better suited for a woman's body. Her build was strong but still feminine, her eyes hard but bright. The most noticeable thing about her was the fact that her bosom made her seem much stouter than she actually was, when looked at from above. She was busty, and proud of it if Elrenia was to judge by the way her chest was puffed out in front of her.

"Please don't be stubborn, dear," the woman sighed, "I'd hate to call in backup."

"Backup?"

"I find that a mostly grown gold can clear a ledge rather quickly when she decides she wants to lay down."

"A… gold?" For several long moments Elrenia just stared at the woman, who'd taken to crossing her arms as she stared down the wounded brunette. It took a longer moment still for the gravity of the situation to sink in, and immediately the girl gasped, "You're a Gold Rider?"

"Mirah, rider of Gold Sayath, at your service," the young woman introduced herself. "Now, are you going to come, or am I going to have to… persuade you?"


	15. Chapter 14

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 14**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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It wasn't long before Elrenia found herself seated before the young gold rider, staring at the floor with her hands wrapped in her gown for lack of anything better to do with them. There was never anything for her to do with her hands, and it was always something that bothered her. When she sat with them limp in her lap she fiddled, when she sat with them at her sides she resembled a scolded child. Granted that wasn't far from how she _felt_, it still wasn't who she was or what she was, and it simply wasn't fitting to act that way. Gripping her dress like a shy and frightened little girl wasn't quite mature either, but she felt it was the best option available to her with the other woman leaning in just slightly to tilt her head and try to catch her gaze.

She wished she was alone again, even though her mind was preoccupied with things other than pain now. At the very least it would have suited her well for the queenrider to _not_ stare at her in complete and total silence. She wanted to know what the young lady wanted from her, but found it wasn't her place to ask. She was in a Queen's weyr, and this woman was a queenrider. That was better reason than _she_ had.

"Have you reached a conclusion, dear?"

"Excuse me?"

Smiling in a patient way, Mirah leaned forward in her seat and reached out to touch the girl's knee. Elrenia flinched immediately, but the woman didn't remove her hand, just tilted her head. "You've been studying me since I stepped onto the ledge to fetch you. Have you reached whatever conclusion you were trying to come to?"

"No, lady."

"Oh, fardles." the young woman giggled as color rose up her cheeks. "Don't call me lady, Elrenia. I'm Mirah. _Mirah_. How much older than me are you? I'd hate for you to treat me like a better."

Initially shocked that the girl knew she wasn't so young, a mistake Z'den had made only the day before, the brunette looked to the side at a loss of words. It pleased her to be accorded respect for being older than the girl, even if it wasn't by much, but at the same time she faced the problem she faced with H'val, and with Brekke. "You… _are_ my better."

Immediately Mirah drew back, and the brunette was sure she'd done something terribly wrong. The two stared at one another, color inexplicably rising to Elrenia's cheeks from the center of her chest as the queenrider blinked dumbly. It was as though the girl didn't understand what had been said, and was shocked by the sheer _foreignness _of the proposed idea.

Slowly, as the words sunk in, the girl's eyes narrowed, and Elrenia realized that she had in fact erred terribly. She didn't truly understand _how_, because usually people of rank appreciated the humility of their underlings, but she knew that she made a mistake with her humble words. For just a moment she feared that the girl would rise to her feet in outrage, but it never happened.

"Why am I better than you?"

"What?"

"You say I'm your better—why?" Though there was a definite fire in Mirah's eyes, the girl didn't demand an answer. There was passion in her tone, but no force, and certainly no anger. "What, exactly, makes me better than you?"

Unsure of how to go about answering the question, the girl dark haired woman shifted further back in her chair. She hoped that if she stayed quiet long enough the gold rider would move onto another subject, the way the men did when they tried to speak to her. But when several minutes passed and Mirah did nothing but lean in further, resting her elbows on her knees, Elrenia realized that she wasn't being given much choice _but_ to explain.

The question, seriously as it was posed, was not answered on a whim. After the period of avoidance, Elrenia sincerely contemplated her reasoning. _**She **__isn't necessarily better than me, though… Bitra odds that she is. But they are all better than me. Every last one of them. Her… her especially. _"You… are a gold rider."

"I'm better than you because I'm a gold rider?"

"Yes, lady. And beyond that, you're a rider. A dragonrider. You're all so… much better than me."

"Dear, hasn't H'val talked to you about this?"

"He told me to not use his name as a title."

"And I am of the same mind," Mirah explained lightly, "we _all _are. We aren't those stuffy Oldtimers. We don't take due that isn't ours. Your job is just as important as mine. Who did you tithe? T'ron?"

"I… I was beholden to Benden. I am _under_ Benden."

"Oh?" the young rider seemed sincerely shocked. "Then where do these views come from? Benden has never been anything short of courteous to those that ti—"

"We did not tithe. Not… not directly. We never made enough to supply the Hold with. My… my home was very small. Barely a Cothold, really. Sometimes I think Lord Raid forgot we existed at all."

"I see." And in that, the girl seemed to reach her _own_ conclusion about the situation, sliding to the very edge of her seat so that she could reach forward and grab Elrenia's hand. The motion seemed to make the commoner nervous, just a little, but she stayed still. "The size of your home doesn't matter Elrenia. Whether you were a Cotholder or a drudge, I am no better than you. Anyone who says they are is a fool. Okay?"

Nodding her head, though she wasn't sure she truly understood, Elrenia was willing to accept the softly spoken words. Mirah was so comfortable with what she was doing, stroking the top of the hand she'd grabbed with a thumb in a way that was reminiscent of Gareva, that Elrenia found herself significantly calmed by the girl. It was the only reason she didn't worry when the young woman moved to sit beside her instead of across from her. It was the only reason she didn't worry when a deep breath had to be taken in prelude to speaking.

"Koth asked me to come," she said quietly. "Rather, he asked Sayath. He wants me to try to 'fix' you because, according to him, men frighten you. Indiscriminately frighten you."

Eyes widened and cheeks flushed to hear such a thing said out loud, no matter how true it was, and Elrenia couldn't help muttering an annoyed, "Koth…" as her eyes shot toward the outer weyr.

"Was he wrong, dear?"

Though the thought of lying certainly crossed Elrenia's mind, she nodded her head to confirm the statement. "They… they do… scare me."

"Why is this?"

This wasn't a question she was comfortable answering, and so she pulled her hand gently from the queenrider's grip, folding it within the other on her lap, both carefully gripping her skirt again. Her fears were there for a reason, and the reason was her own—not there to be questioned. But she couldn't pretend that the eyes settled on her weren't curious, searching. Even more so she couldn't pretend that she wasn't curious about the woman's presence. Koth asked her to come, so she did? Surely it wasn't so simple. Queens didn't take orders from blues. Queens didn't take orders from _anyone_.

"Elrenia—"

"I… do not wish to speak of it."

"Does it have anything at all to do with your bruises?"

"My…" At a complete and total loss of words, the woman just gaped for a moment, staring with wide eyes. "H-how did you… I… Brekke told you?"

"Lessa told me. Brekke told her only when directly questioned."

A distinct feeling of betrayal overcame Elrenia then, drawing sickening bile up her throat even though the pseudo-healer owed her no confidence. The woman owed far more loyalty to her Weyrwoman than to some passing stranger, and so she couldn't hold the shared information against her, even if she wasn't happy with it. And she was _far_ from happy. The thought that there was gossip traveling about the Weyr that concerned her, speculation about her bruising and behavior that may not have been, or worse yet, _was_ true made her feel physically ill.

She wasn't sure how to explain without incriminating herself, and moreover she didn't know how to set the girl's fears to rest. Violence done to Elrenia's person wasn't something the queenrider needed to concern herself with, but she couldn't just say that. She knew, instinctively, that it would not be an acceptable explanation. It would simply raise more questions, and cause further speculation. So, with just a slight inclination of her head, so she would not have to look the young woman in the eyes when she lied, Elrenia said, "Man is a cruel beast."

It was something her father told her once, toward the end of his life. Thinking back to him, at times, was a painful thing. Immediately it brought to mind the many things she should have, could have done for him but didn't. She could have been a much better daughter, but he died disappointed in her. His death had been a surprise to everyone save himself, it seemed. Toward the end, when he started slowing down and she _should_ have realized that he was growing ill, he kept dropping little bits of knowledge into her palms. They were things that she passed off as the raving of an old man at the time, but recognized the wisdom in every word in retrospect.

This, perhaps, was the wisest of them all. "Man is a cruel beast," she reiterated with a shake of her head. "Cruel and greedy. Self centered. Egocentric. Should I not fear that?"

Looking almost shocked by the words, Mirah only half nodded her head in agreement. "When… you put it like that, I suppose… man _is_ to be feared. But not _all_ men are that way. Did… did you mean _men_ specifically?"

Elrenia shrugged at this, trying to remain as cryptic as possible to avoid further examination. "Are women immune?" was the question that supported the noncommittal movement.

The response failed to satisfy the rider beside her, but Mirah moved away all the same. "Did you decide this all by yourself?" she asked, sitting across from the injured girl once more. "Only poor experience with people could leave you with such an impression. Z'den says you didn't get far from home before this venture."

"Z'den?" _So he was speaking to her as well?_

"Z'den spoke to Lessa, Lessa spoke to me," was explained without a moment of hesitation or an ounce of shame. "You should stop being startled by this. _Everyone_ reports to Lessa. Even F'lar reports to her. She is the one who directed me here, so it's only natural that she gave me information before allowing me to approach you."

"I didn't know Weyrfolk were prone to gossip."

"Preparation."

"Expression."

"Pardon?"

Elrenia explained with a shake of her head, "You call it preparation, I call it gossip. It's just a matter of expression." She realized that her words were, perhaps, rude, but somehow that didn't stop her from speaking. A scarlet blush flowered up her cheeks, but she resolutely refused to retract her words.

For a very long time the visiting queenrider was silent, and though it made the girl nervous she kept her teeth firmly clenched to keep herself from apologizing for her insolence. _Father would have scolded me_, she thought, but at the same time it occurred to her that the man would have been proud of her for standing up to one with unjustly wielded power. Towards his end, the old man had no love for the Lord Holders or the ever revered Dragonriders of Pern. All of them fancied themselves better than the rest though few knew the strength of a true man, he always complained. They sat on their thrones, high above their subordinates, oblivious to the plight of man.

There was nothing that she'd seen so far that gave Elrenia _any_ inkling that the man was incorrect in what she'd always felt were excessive assumptions of the worst in people. She'd been naïve, this much was clear. She'd been overly inclined to think the best of people, with or without proof of it, and for this innocence she paid dearly. It was not a mistake she intended to make again, so having steeled herself for the absolute worst the girl was shocked to find Mirah smiling when she finally gained the courage to look up again.

"You have a point there," the small blonde rider said with a grin, patting Elrenia's knees just a little harshly. "I suppose it's all the way a person chooses to see it, and if you want to look at it as gossip, that's you. I can't argue. Just know… they do it to help." There was something imploring in the way the young woman said this, as though she knew all the horrible things the other was thinking about authority and she wanted nothing more than to be rid of them. "Lessa needs to know what's going on in the Weyr at all times, even when it's just a few little details about a visitor."

"I'd say that's more than just a few _little_ details about me."

"Fair enough."

Somehow there was no satisfaction in winning this argument, when Mirah inclined her head politely and rose. It wasn't like when she used to argue with her brothers and sisters. There was no brief shock of joy to be the victor. There was no want to puff out smugly. In the place of ego sat a sort of nameless shame, the guilt of having manipulated someone for no beneficial purpose. This unsettled the girl, and forced her eyes to search the riders face when she was bade good day.

"Mirah!" she spoke louder than was appropriate, and in looking down at the ground shamefully for her raised voice missed the knowing smirk on the other's face. "I… do not mean to speak ill of your Weyrwoman, I… just don't like to be spoken of."

"Whom among us does?" the youngster asked, a grin on her face that made everything seem okay once more. "I will see you again at mealtime," she promised, inclining her head before she disappeared from the weyr to Elrenia's mild consternation.

The brunette just sat for a moment, staring toward the doorway as though blind. She was relieved, of course, that Mirah had not taken offense of her words. However, at the same time, she was confused as to _why_. Weyrfolk were a proud people, dragonlengths higher than everyone else, and for one to be so calm about being told she was a gossip… Cotholder cousins had been highly insulted by the same bluntly put insinuation in the past. Aunts had come dangerously close to slapping her for her 'impudence', but this young woman…

_Are you fixed? _In her contemplation Elrenia failed to recognize the sound of Koth flying up to settle on the ledge of her weyr, and nearly fell from her seat in shock at the sound of his voice, and the soft keen from beyond the walls. _Did she fix you?_

Standing, the young woman moved too swiftly toward the outer weyr and lost her balance, having to pause and touch the wall to stand up straight again. She did eventually get out to the curious and worried creature, eyes whirling a blue with a touch of purple as he restrained himself from nudging her with his snout. Getting within arms distance of the creature, Elrenia took on the posture of a scolding mistress, muttering, "You _do_ realize that when I asked you not to reveal my innermost thoughts, I didn't _just_ mean to H'val, right?"

The blue faded slowly from the creature's eyes, turning into an odd sort of purple as he stepped back awkwardly. As though he was unsure of the limits of his own body, the creature tossed his head to look over the ledge, perhaps wondering the chances of him being able to jump from where he stood and survive. He did not want to face the anger of a betrayed woman, for good reasons. He sought escape, and the young woman found herself identifying with that immediately. She understood the fear of ignorance, not knowing how the furious would react. She knew what it was like to sit there just _wondering_ how much it would hurt to stay, how much more it would hurt to leave. And the thought that she was able to strike such a feeling in _any _creature, let alone one so magnificent had her moving immediately to right the wrong. Reaching out to touch his soft hide, Elrenia managed to stop the dragon's plan in its track.

_I did not mean to make you angry_.

"I'm not angry."

_You are using your angry voice._

"I do _not_ have an angry voice."

_That is the voice with which Lessa scolds. _

Elrenia almost wanted to laugh at this, but settled for smiling as gently as she possibly could. She didn't _like _that the dragon thought to summon someone to try to solve her problems, but she couldn't deny the fact that she felt just a little bit better. Mirah hadn't done much more than passively argue with her, but somehow it served its purpose well. She ran her hand up to the creature's eyeridge, and scratched until all three of his eyelids closed in contentment.

"I don't mean to use a scolding voice, dear one," she assured. "But, I would like us to keep in mind that my thoughts are _my_ thoughts. If I intended for them to be public knowledge, I'd tell them to people, okay?"

_Yes, small one._

"Do you have anywhere you need to be?"

_No. We are not fighting today._

"Good."

Once the decision was made to sit down and lean against the blue creature again, everything else went naturally. She leaned back against the promptly offered leg, and courteously thanked the beast. It was easy to relax this way, even if the air on the ledge was just a little too cool to be comfortable to her. She didn't have thick dragonhide to protect her, but the fragile shell of a human. It was silly, of course, but sometimes she felt distinct hatred toward herself for these little weaknesses she had no control over.

The cold wasn't a problem much longer, however. The moment Koth caught wind of the notion he looked about, and proceeded to push the long abandoned blanket over with the tip of his tail, thinking loudly, _This used to be much easier when I could just grab it in my mouth._

"So you prefer to be small?"

_Sometimes._

This thought proved amusing to the young woman, who chuckled silently before leaning over to snag the cloth from the ground. It felt good to wrap up, and the tail that curled around her legs only added to the comfort. She wasn't sure if it was the size of the creature, or the omnipresence that reassured her, but whatever it was made her feel grateful as well. That there was even one thing left in the world that could soothe her meant a great deal. She was truly fond of the blue, she realized the longer she dwelled. And as she leaned her head back, tilting it to the side, she could listen to the double heart beat again. _Double_?

The thought startled her for a moment, and she almost sat up and away from the creature. It was a visceral reaction to something not her own, but she calmed and the muscles in her shoulders loosened the moment she realized that it was completely natural. New, yes. But natural all the same. Instead of panicking and trying to get away, the girl simply turned her head to the other side so she could make out one of Koth's eyes when he turned his head to return her gaze.

_Small one?_

"You have… two hearts?"

_Yes,_ he responded. She could swear he was grinning at her. Was sure she saw a sort of mirth in the single eye within her line of sight. _All dragons do._

"Why?"

_Why do you only have one?_

It was a valid question, Elrenia thought, and so she left the topic as it was. Maybe she'd figure out the answer eventually, but in the meantime she was content not knowing. She was content to listen, and be comforted by what she didn't truly understand. Protected in that instance, was the remembered innocence of her youth.

It didn't occur to her until she started dozing off that the dragon behind her was humming softly—a noise that was being echoed from all across the bowl. It was a comforting sound, the vibrations in the air putting aching muscle and bone to rest just for the moment, and then sound burst from the inner weyr, startling her almost to stand.

"Elrenia!" was called out frantically, footsteps sounding as she dug deeper into the creatures hide, fearing for her life until H'val's head popped out from around the wall. He looked… he looked so _happy_ that she was at a loss for words. "Come on!" he laughed. "We need to get going."

"Going?" The girl asked, only putting up a token struggle against being pulled to her feet and pulled through the room. "Going where?"

"To the Hatching!"

In H'val's excitement there was no argument the girl could make about why she shouldn't go, though she ran over every single one in her mind. First and foremost she hadn't been invited to the hatching, and to just show up… it seemed rude, improper. The Weyrwoman already wasn't particularly fond of her, and she didn't want to compound any dislike by enjoying privileges not rightfully hers. She knew, to the core of her soul, that she shouldn't walk all the way over to the Hatching Sands. Her feet were in no shape to make such a walk, not in a timely manner.

The blue rider had her halfway through the inner weyr before Koth bugled, and the man froze in place for several seconds before looking abashedly back at Elrenia. "Your feet," he murmured, blush rising up his cheeks as he realized what he was doing.

"Koth?"

"He… says that someone has to look after you," the boy explained as he pulled her back out to the ledge and toward the blue. "He'll fly us over there."

"I really shouldn't—"

"Elrenia, you can't miss a chance to be at a _hatching_."

"But I… I can't just _go_. I… I need to be invited by someone—"

"_I_ am inviting you!" he laughed, seeming to find the entire situation hilarious. He was clearly being taken in by the wonderful emotions flowing about the Weyr, apparently high above Elrenia's head because all she could feel was anxiety.

"But…"

_It is fine, small one. You cannot ignore an invitation from a dragon, can you?_

She nodded her head at this, and allowed H'val to help her up Koth's leg. Nervous or not, both men had a point. She'd been invited by a dragonrider _and_ a dragon, so not even Lessa could complain! _I hope_. The day would be a jovial one and, hopefully, the presence of a former Cotholder wouldn't spoil things for everyone. There was no more time to dwell on matters, because Koth was up in the air, forcing her heart into her throat suddenly.

The sensation was short lived, however, because before she even realized they were winging down to the sands like so many others H'val was reaching up to help her from Koth's neck. The vast number of people in the area was overwhelming, and she looked about in wonderment. There was a small ring of girls on the sand, all dressed in long white gowns like she was, and this struck her as odd. Clearly they were the candidates, but she couldn't understand why they were dragged out in their night clothing. Surely there were a few seconds to spare for dressing!

"Elrenia!"

Grey eyes shot down to the open armed youth, awaiting her drop so he could catch her and help her on her way. She nodded her head and swung her leg to the other side of Koth's neck to slide down, into H'val's arms, onto the sands. The hot sands. The excruciatingly hot sands. For a moment she felt nothing, but it wasn't long before the pain penetrated deeper than the numbweed and she couldn't breathe. Every inch of her body felt engulfed in flames from the pain of her simply wrapped, injured appendages on the ground. The mincing steps of the people moving to the stands couldn't help her, and with every second the pain increased tenfold until there was simply nothing.

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_**Concern I wanted to address, because it's valid and I'd hate to think that it's maybe stopping people from enjoying reading as much as they possibly could.**_

_**I understand that everyone seems extremely dense and insensitive—the thing is that the physical damage is overshadowing the mental damage at this point. They need to fix her body before they can fix her head. Not to mention the story is written through the tentative filter of Elrenia's point of view. We don't know what's going on away from her, and we don't know what's going on in everyone else's heads. Just what she **thinks** is going on.**_


	16. Chapter 15

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 15**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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"I completely forgot, Lessa! I'm sorry."

"This was _not_ a felicitous start for a hatching."

"But a bronze was first hatched, maybe…"

"She's teasing you, H'val. Don't take it so personally."

"You _are_ a deadglow, though."

"I'm sorry, Z'den."

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to _her_."

"But she—"

"Is awake."

"Elrenia?"

It was a chore to open her eyes, but when fingers touched her face the brunette forced herself to stir. H'val was staring down at her with big, guilty brown eyes, nose crinkled as though he was going to sneeze or cry. She hoped it was the former, as it would have been much easier to deal with than tears. Personal experience told the girl that men of any significant age grew surly when they were caught crying, and her head was too foggy to be bothered with such a thing right then. She rather felt as though she'd been strung out on a southern beach to bake for several days, without food, water, or rest.

"Elrenia," he breathed when they made eye contact. "I'm so sorry. I… I don't know what I was thinking! You—"

"What happened?"

"You… don't remember?"

She _did_ remember. She remembered a lot of things, but right before the darkness settled over her memory things got vague. There was an odd recollection of being set on fire, but she was alive and little more than sore so she knew this was just her mind running away with things. After a moment of deep thinking she said, "You took me to the hatching…"

H'val cringed away just a bit, and initially Elrenia wasn't sure _why_. Shame was evident on his face, and he'd already apologized, but she wasn't sure what he'd done wrong. He just wanted to take her to a hatching, and what was wrong with that? She shifted a bit, sitting up as the blue rider reached out to support her, winced when she pushed her feet against the bed to slide up, and watched the boy withdraw shamefacedly.

"What…?"

Movement from the side of the room caught Elrenia's eye, and she turned her head far enough to watch Z'den walk over and grip H'val's shoulder. "Go on, kid. You promised to help with the Weyrlings."

"But—"

"Go." It wasn't a request, and with a parting look H'val nodded and stood, leaving Elrenia alone with Z'den, Lessa, and another man she didn't recognize.

The sudden realization that she was laying in bed under the critical eyes of two rather tall and strong looking men had her shoulders tensing visibly until Lessa stepped forward and ordered, "Enough of this! Z'den, leave the poor girl alone. Your glare can distress _Ramoth_!"

"I'm not glaring at her, little lady."

"Oh, don't you little lady me!"

The two glared at each other, though the woman stood at least a foot shorter than the blonde man. Worried that the argument would break into violence, because both looked angry enough for this to happen, Elrenia squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to block it all out. Perhaps it was an exceedingly childish reaction, but the girl sincerely hoped that if she couldn't see what was going on, then nothing bad would happen. Closing her eyes didn't block the sound of the argument from her ears though, and the louder the voices got, the more worried she did.

"Dear heart, enough of this," the only voice she didn't even remotely recognize sounded, acting as the voice of reason it seemed. "You're frightening the girl. The two of you can continue your juvenile posturing another time, yes?"

"It isn't _posturing_, F'lar. It's putting this little boy in his place."

"Little boy? At least I don't have to worry about my dragon swallowing me whole!"

"I always did think Arlith was a little small."

"Brat!"

"Dimglow!"

And the two started laughing right when a normal person would have thrown the first punch, much to Elrenia's surprise. Z'den reached out and squeezed the woman's shoulder and she reached up to pat his hand. Suddenly it appeared that despite the angry words and tones of voice, the two were actually quite fond of each other. She couldn't help thinking that there had to be _some_ kind of friendship there or he _never_ would have gotten away with speaking down to the woman. Especially in front of her man! In a way this calmed her, because at least there wouldn't be violence. The strange man, F'lar, smiled patiently at the two and touched his Weyrmate's free shoulder.

"The girl is recovering," he spoke with an odd sort of authority, gaining the complete attention of everyone in the room with little effort. "Perhaps we should leave her alone."

"Yes," Lessa agreed, looking down at Elrenia for a moment. "Will you be all right on your own?"

"Yes, Weyrwoman."

The small lady nodded her head and strode from the room, Weyrleader close behind her. Z'den, however, did not leave. He didn't even move to go. Didn't move to approach. Elrenia hadn't the slightest idea what he wanted before he asked, "May I sit?"

She wanted to say no, but nodded her head and watched him settle beside her, sitting on the very edge of her bed. Grateful that he hadn't moved too close, the girl tried her best not to squirm too much. The last thing she wanted to do was insult him, but couldn't bring herself to look at him no matter what. And he _tried_ to get her to, clearing his throat more than once to no avail.

"Elrenia," he finally sighed, reaching up to rub both of his eyes. "You must forgive H'val—"

"For what?"

They made eye contact when he looked over at her, eyebrow raised in question. "You… really don't remember?" the man asked suspiciously. "At all?"

"No, Brown Rider."

"Elrenia—"

Cutting him off specifically to prevent him from correcting or scolding her for addressing him so, the girl quickly continued, "I remember Koth setting down in the sands, and then… I just…" Her throat closed around her words when the thought of fire sprung, reminding her immediately of Levic, her family, the reason for her travel. For a few blessed moments she'd forgotten the horror of it all, and suddenly ash was on her tongue once more.

"You just what, lady?"

"I…" Her stomach twisted about in a knot when she tried to say it again, and when finally her vocal chords cooperated it was with little more than a whisper that she finally articulated, "I was on fire."

"On fire?"

"That… is what it felt like."

_But I'm so cold now._

_Do you want your blanket, small one?_

"I see," the man trailed off thoughtfully, staring off to the side for a long moment.

Elrenia was content in the silence though, wrapping her arms across her chest in an effort to conserve body heat. She didn't know why she was so cold, and almost wished for the fire again. Nevertheless, she was almost able to forget that the man was sitting there, settling against the pillow at her back so she didn't have to clench the muscles in her stomach and shoulders so painfully to keep herself upright. The sudden lack of tension eased her entire body, and she closed her eyes in relief from pain she hadn't been aware of. The soreness, yes. That was there, and it was very real, but the pain…

"He thought to take you to the hatching," Z'den spoke suddenly, voice a low rumble in the air. "He forgot about your feet and your… your lack of proper attire. Granted, it wouldn't be the first time anyone's ever shown up in their night clothes at a sudden hatching, but _usually_ they're wearing some sort of shoe by then. And not wounded. The healer said you passed out from the pain."

This made sense, considering the exhaustion she felt, and so Elrenia accepted the explanation without argument. She just nodded her head and murmured, "He's already forgiven. It…" _Why is he forgiven? He hurt me._ For a moment the girl couldn't differentiate the pain caused By H'val, and the pain… Her body tensed, and both of her hands clenched into fists until Z'den reached over to cover one with his own large palm.

"Elrenia?"

"I…" She looked down at his hand, taken aback by how much larger it was than her own, and shook her head, pulling carefully away. "He… didn't do it on purpose. He… he… wouldn't hurt me?"

"Is that a question?"

Staring blankly at the man, Elrenia came to the conclusion that this was a favorite question of his. To be asked twice in as many days surely said this. Or spoke toward her own person. Had she phrased it as a question? She didn't think so, but perhaps her tone indicated as much. It made her wonder where the thought came from though. Koth, she understood. Dragons didn't hurt people, and Koth took interest in her, so with him she was safe. But the man that went with the beast…

_H'val would never hurt you, small one._

"I…"

"Elrenia?"

"It… Koth says he wouldn't."

The man was completely unsurprised by the fact that Koth was, apparently, speaking to the girl. He nodded his head, and quietly asked, "Do you believe Koth?"

A moment's hesitation, then, "Yes."

"Then H'val would never hurt you."

It really was as simple as that. The beautiful blue said it, so it was true. There was no reason to question, no reason to dwell. H'val hadn't meant to hurt her by taking her onto the sands, because he was a good man. _The best man ever, _Koth added his own thoughts and she smiled. Perhaps he really was as amazing as the biased creature insisted. Maybe, if she let him, he really _could_—

"Elrenia?"

"Yes?"

The brown rider was looking at her rather critically, and she turned an impressive shade of red under his gaze. He sighed and looked away not long after though, mussing up his hair frantically before he was able to look at her again. His gaze was different, less grave more questioning. Searching, even.

"Could I perhaps ask a question?"

The man's deference to her in such a way got her complete and total attention. In an instant she'd turned slightly on the bed, staring at him with wide eyes as she nodded her head silently. _Why is he asking permission?_ She was just a traveler. A silly Cotholder. Since when did dragonriders of _any_ color ask the permission of Cotholder for _anything_, let alone permission to ask a question?

"Why is it that you've migrated to the complete _other_ end of the bed?"

This startled the girl, who frantically looked about the room and realized that the man was right. She didn't know when, but sometime between the moment he sat down and his wanting to question her, she'd slid away from the pillows down to the foot of the bed. Her back was pressed up against the wall. Her feet were braced uncomfortably against the bed. She was slowly moving to curl around her knees without realizing it.

"I…" What was she supposed to say? Was she supposed to tell him that she didn't realize she was moving? That sounded crazy to her, even though she _knew_ it was the truth. _Maybe I __**am**__ crazy._ A distinct possibility. One she didn't want to dwell on for too long. In an effort to cover for herself, Elrenia bowed her head in apology and said, "I… didn't mean to insult you."

"You haven't, child," the brown rider assured quietly. "But that doesn't answer my question. Why did you move?"

"I…" She was no closer to dampening his curiosity, but couldn't _not_ tell him something. She'd permitted him to ask the question, so it was only right to answer him. "I… it's improper for a man and woman to sit so closely. Especially on… on a bed." It wasn't a _lie_, even if it wasn't her reason.

Whether he knew this was a half truth or not was unclear, but Z'den nodded his head in acceptance and stood. "Then, next time, do not permit me to sit. Had I known it would make you uncomfortable—"

"I-I didn't mean to—"

"I'm not insulted," said more firmly than before. "But you should not be so easily swayed. You _are_ allowed to say no."

The looked the rider gave her was a significant one, and the girl wondered for a moment if he didn't know more than he was letting on. But she didn't dare question him, fearing the questions she would have to answer if she did. She just nodded her head in acceptance of the gentle order—because that _is_ what it was—and stretched her legs out to a more comfortable position. The relief was only temporary, however, because the moment her shoulders eased he moved toward her and she curled up around herself once more much to Z'den's silent frustration.

"Elrenia—"

"No."

"Pardon?"

"Y-You said I could say no!"

"I…" Taking a deep breath the man turned so he was facing the girl head on. "You _can_ say no, child. But you don't even know what I was going to do."

"I don't care what you were going to do. Whatever you were going to do, no. No. I—just no. You can't do it. No." Every word, every repetition placed a little more hysteria into her voice until the girl was shaking. "No." It was a mantra. "You can't. No." She was given permission to refuse, and she was going hold onto that privilege for as long as she possibly could. "No. No. No! Stop! You can't!"

"Okay," the man spoke calmly, holding both hands up in surrender. "Okay, dear. Hush. You… there's no need to panic." He glanced around the weyr, looking for something that wasn't there. "I won't touch you, I swear on Arlith's egg."

The promise didn't stop the girl's heart from racing though. The step Z'den took backwards didn't calm her. The additional calming breath he took _certainly_ didn't put her at ease. Nothing he did seem to make her feel any better, and for a moment it looked as though he would turn and walk away from the situation entirely. No amount of wishing would make this happen though. The man, instead, squared his shoulders and put both of his hands behind his back after a moment's further observation.

"May I speak?"

Unsure how to respond to this, the girl nodded reluctantly. It was with deep conflict that she figured she should at least hear him out. If the thinning of his lips was any indication, he was trying desperately to stay calm in the face of her distrust and paranoia. He was taller than her, burlier. The strength he had was gained through work she probably couldn't have accomplished were she a man, and she didn't want to test him. Honestly, when she forced herself to look at it objectively, he was doing admirably at keeping himself calm. When she was frightened by things as a child, her father lost patience far quicker. His steadfast acceptance of her jumpy shyness was matched only by the inherent kindness of her eldest and long deceased sister. The comparison was striking, forcing her to still just seconds after she tensed further.

"I understand that, for your own reasons, you object to my touching you," the man spoke evenly. "Whether it be due to propriety, or some personality quirk I accept this. However I beg you allow me to move you back to the head of the bed. You're getting blood all over the sheets."

Grey eyes shooting downward, the girl recoiled as the bright red streaks of blood covering the white linen reminded her instantly of streaks of blood on her leggings, still sitting in the bottom of the bag Gareva gave her upon her departure. She struggled to get away from the stains, unsure of why they were there or who they belonged to, and would have fallen from the edge of the bed in her panic if not for Z'den's quick feet and steady grip. Catching her immediately about the waist, the man scooped her into his arms without waiting to receive permission, moving quickly back to the head of the bed to place her down there. He was quick to strip the sheets next, hoping to prevent another violent reaction to the sight of them by removing them entirely from sight.

Instead of calming the girl started to sweat though. Her skin crawled and as her breathing quickened she slapped at her legs, trying to get rid of the feeling. Letting out a keening whine when the sensation wouldn't leave her, the girl raised her hands to claw at her hair, barely starting at the rapid footsteps and the shout, "Someone get Brekke up here!" Moments later, as blood slicked the tips of her fingers were she broke the skin of her scalp her hands were grabbed.

"Elrenia, calm down!" the man snapped when she continued to panic, struggling against the way her grabbed her wrists, shouting and kicking when he moved in close to her.

_He promised he wouldn't touch me! _

_ Small one?_

_ He promised! He __**promised**__!_

_Small one, what is wrong?_

A soothing croon came from the outer weyr as arms wrapped tightly around Elrenia's torso, pinning her arms between Z'den's chest and her own. "Child, what's going on in your head?" he hissed when she bucked against him frantically in a bid to escape. "If you don't stop, you're going to hurt yourself even more!"

Though logic told her that she was best to do as she was told, the girl couldn't. Her heart seemed to quicken with every passing second, her breath hastening right alongside it. Before she knew what was happening she wasn't actually breathing at all, just choking on her tongue as Z'den kept her firmly in place. He was trapping her, and even as part of her was sure it was for her own good, she was taken over by the sensation of her gown pulling and twisting in the man's grip. He said he wouldn't touch her, but that wasn't true. What was to say he wouldn't hurt her? _That's what men do!_ she thought as she cried out, nearly breaking out of his grip with an unnatural strength, but she felt him grab his own wrists behind her back to brace himself.

"Elrenia," was the strained whisper, "please stop this! There's no need to act out in such a way! You're a grown woman!"

"Z'den, what's—Oh my!"

Instantly cool hands were on her face, and the pseudo-healer was muttering worriedly about Elrenia needing to lie down immediately. Something about a fever was mentioned, but Z'den wasn't forcing her to lie back on the bed, a fact she was grateful for even if she didn't _consider_ stopping her struggles. All she knew was that she needed out of the man's arms. She needed to get away, get free. The will that got her all the way to the Weyr in the first place was her unwillingness to be trapped, and she wasn't about to allow that to escape her.

"Send some fellis up here _immediately! _Z'den, get her down!"

"Not until she calms down!"

"She needs to lay down! She's bleeding!"

"She needs to calm down before she does anything else! Do you really think you can force fellis down her throat while she's panicking like this?"

"Why is she panicking? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Z'den denied, lowering his voice when the girl in his arms started crying pitifully. "I was apologizing for H'val. She moved. She started bleeding. When I told her she just started tearing at her legs."

"Dear?" A cool hand settled on Elrenia's face, but she turned away from it, burying her head in the man's chest to escape the touch and rearing back when all she could smell was his scent. "Dear, I need you to settle down, okay? This tossing about is only going to hurt you more."

Coughing loudly, the girl tried to push her arms straight against Z'den's front, but failed miserably as he held her even closer. She was crying too heavily to demand her release, but she shouted it in her mind loudly. Continuously. _Let me go! Let me __**go**__! Koth! Make him let me go!_

_ You must be calm small one._

_ He needs to let me go!_

_ Is he hurting you?_

_ He needs to let me go!_

_ Small one, is he hurting you? Is he making you hurt?_

_ H-he needs to release me! He promised not to touch me!_

_ He would not touch you if you were not hurting yourself. _

_ He will hurt me!_

_ Is he hurting you now?_

_ He will!_

_ H'val comes._

"Z'den! Let her go!" the familiar voice ordered firmly, moving into the bigger mans place immediately to cradle the trembling girl. "She's scared of you."

"Why?" the brown rider breathed. "What have I done to her?"

"Koth doesn't know. He just knows that you scare her. Go. Go outside. Brekke and I can handle this." H'val spoke with an odd composure.

"I really don't think—"

"Elrenia, do you want Z'den to leave?"

"_Yes!_" came out as an awful wail, ripping savagely from deep within her throat.

"See? Go, Z'den. I can handle this."

"But—"

"I can _handle_ this!"

"Go, Z'den," Brekke's voice softly intoned. "We'll figure everything out. She won't calm until you leave. Please."

There was a reluctant sigh, but Elrenia could hear the man exit the weyr. Her entire body continued to tremble violently, and the tears didn't stop, but both Brekke and H'val were relieved to hear her breathing slow. It hitched when she tried to breathe deeply, and was released on a soft whine, but she wasn't hyperventilating any longer. She didn't feel as trapped in the blue rider's gentle grasp. He didn't trap her arms between them, didn't lock his own behind her back. He didn't breathe hotly against her neck, or smell of sweat and musk. No. He smelled of oil and dragon, bringing Koth firmly into her mind and heart.

"Elrenia," the boy murmured carefully, "you're burning up. Brekke?"

"She must have developed a fever sometime in past the hour or so—since I last checked her."

"But it's so sudden."

"Sometimes these things happen."

"I'm cold," she whispered into H'val shoulder, trembling for a different reason as she pressed closer to him. Koth said he would never try to hurt her, and so she felt moderately safe in his grip. "I'm cold, why am I cold?"

"You're sick, Elrenia. You have a fever."

"Make me better."

"Brekke's getting fellis juice. It'll make you—"

"Make me better. Koth… Koth said you can fix me. Make me better, please. Please."

"I don't—"

"What's going on, Brekke? Why d'you need fellis—Elrenia?"

Looking pitifully over the shoulder of her keeper, the grey eyed girl stared at the young gold rider from earlier. The girl's hair looked blonde in the light, glowing against her sun darkened skin as she cautiously approached with a cup clutched firmly in her hands. Two women, one younger than her, a boy she was sure wouldn't do her any harm, and a protective dragon still crooning from the outer weyr had Elrenia settling slowly. It was the crying that stopped next, and she was comforted by the young woman reaching out to wipe one of her cheeks while handing the cup over to the healer as the boy laid her back on the bed carefully.

"You're soaked through with sweat," the gold rider murmured, shaking her head as she shooed H'val out of the way. "Go down to the lower caverns and see if you can't find someone with clothing to spare. We need to get her changed."

"I…" the boy settled his gaze on the reclining patient, looking extremely worried and reluctant to leave. "Elrenia, do you mind if I go? I can stay if you want. I… do you feel okay with Mirah and Brekke?"

"I-I..." _No_.

_I am here, small one._

"Y-yes. I-I-I'll be… I'll be o-okay."

"I'll be right back up."

"I-I-I know."

The blue rider rushed from the room, just as Brekke approached with the cup in hand. "I'm going to lift your head dear," the woman warned before doing exactly that, supporting her first by the neck and then by the lower back to get her to sip some of the juice. "This will settle you."

"I don-I-I-I don't…"

"What dear? What is it?" That far away looked H'val and Z'den both seemed to get when they conversed with their dragons flashed briefly across Brekke's face before she nodded her head and said, "No man but H'val and the healer will be in here. I swear." And with that promise, the girl was content to be soothed until the fellis juice put her to sleep.


	17. Chapter 16

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 16**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Waking was accompanied by the unfortunate feel of having to tear her upper and lower eyelids apart from each other. It was the feeling she got when she slept in late after a hard night, but there was no ache that normally came with such activities. Her back didn't complain when she shifted, her legs didn't scream when she flexed her ankles. In fact, all things considered, she felt quite good. Rolling her shoulders back, the girl started to sit up and immediately had to roll to the side to vomit. Violently. The taste of bile on her tongue brought back a series of memories that continued her expulsion of stomach content on to dry heaving when there was nothing left in her system.

A hand on the back of her neck had her flinching, and suddenly she was aware of the ache she missed upon waking. The ache went from the pit of her stomach, to her head, to the tips of her toes. She wanted to go back to sleep in order to get rid of the feeling, but the cool fingers started massaging her shoulders, keeping her from laying down on her stomach. "Okay," a gentle voice beckoned her attention, "breathe deeply now. Dear, deep breaths."

Hard pressed to follow directions, Elrenia put all of her concentration into breathing from her diaphragm, the way her brothers taught her when she needed to chase their runner about every time he "accidentally" got out of his stable. She was highly pleased when it did the job, or at least she would have been if she didn't feel as though she was floating. It wasn't a pleasant sensation either. It was like she was stuck _between_, trapped in emptiness so vast that even the strongest men feared it. She knew she was wiggling her toes against the bed, because she could feel the fabric of her blanket there, but she felt no resistance. She could see her fists gripping the cloth, but felt _nothing_.

Struggling to sit up the rest of the way, the girl was only mildly surprised to feel the hands on her shoulders slide down carefully to wrap around her chest, moving her. As she was rolled onto her back again, her head started spinning, but at least she was grounded once more. This was a momentary relief, ending immediately when she saw three copies of the same grinning healer, reaching up to touch her forehead and gently stroke her cheek. The whole time she made soothing noises, never actually breaking contact so as to avoid startling the girl when she needed to touch a new stretch of skin.

Elrenia was familiar with the technique, having used it often enough on little cousins when they were feverish. It seemed every time her family visited Levic _someone_ came down with a fever… save for the most recent visit. Almost the entire time passed without incident. Until…

"How are you feeling?"

"Groggy," the girl murmured, voice cracking halfway through the first syllable. She was grateful for the cup of water—nice, cool, freshwater—but resented being firmly told to sip it slowly. Resented even more that it was taken away after only a short time. "I… feel so tired right now."

"Your body has been fighting off a terrible fever, dear," the woman explained, reaching to the side where a bowl of water sat, pulling a cloth to wipe sweat from her face. "Of course you're exhausted. It only just broke a few hours ago."

"How long?"

"Three… maybe four hours—"

"No, how…" Sighing, the girl raised her hands to rub her eyes, trying to get rid of the ache. "How long was I out for?"

"Nearly a sevenday," the woman spoke with a kind smile, positioning pillows so the girl could more or less comfortably sit up. "You gave us all quite the scare," Brekke almost laughed when she said it, relief reflecting in her eyes so obviously that even Elrenia couldn't miss it. "Since you didn't develop a fever that first day, we all thought you were out of danger… clearly we were wrong."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, dear. You haven't done anything wrong."

"But... I worried you all. And… and I'm still using your weyr. And—"

"Oh, enough of this!" the tone was still gentle, but it wasn't a request. "You're not awake for ten minutes and you're already tanning your _own_ hide," there was a sort of awe in the tone Brekke used, removing the small towel from Elrenia's neck to dip in the bowl of water once more. "It would be quite remarkable if only you didn't feel so… so… _bad_."

"I… just don't want to be a bother."

Returning the cloth to Elrenia's neck, shifting the collar of the sleeveless tunic she was wearing to wipe the top of her chest, Brekke shook her head. "After we got you to take the fellis the first time you were no trouble at all," the woman assured her. "We were able to rouse you for food and drink every few hours as it wore off, but you never took much." Almost as an afterthought she murmured, "You must be hungry."

About to utter a denial, Elrenia's stomach gurgled loudly. Immediately her face flushed with color as she quietly admitted, "Famished."

Good enough to avoid laughing at the betraying sound, Brekke was just relieved that she wouldn't have to force spoonfuls of food down the child's gullet again. "Good." There was a quiet moment of thought before she said, "I'll have someone send… broth up."

Watching the woman leave to call down the service shaft, Elrenia reached to the side for the cup of water. It took three attempts, and by the time she finally managed to get a grip and pull the liquid over the girl was so exhausted that she almost forgot why she wanted it in the first place.

"Where is H'val?"

"Flying thread over Benden. He hated to leave you but—"

"It is his duty."

"Exactly."

Rumbling sounded from the other side of the weyr, and Brekke excused herself long enough to go get the broth. It was delicious, for all a plain liquid could taste good, but after only a few spoonfuls Elrenia started to feel nauseous and was directed to lay back down. She needed to conserve what energy she had until her body was able to store it up again. Simply laying down somehow turned into a nap, and when the brunette awoke once more it was to H'val's smiling face.

"G'morning sleepy head," the boy teased, reaching out to push hair from the girl's eyes. "How are you feeling?"

Taking a moment to search herself, Elrenia actually thought about her answer. For once an automatic denial of any discomfort wasn't present, a shock to herself even as the blue rider waited patiently for her to decide. She shifted, noted the soreness of her whole body, the concentrated almost pain of her feet, and the emptiness of her stomach. There were many complaints to be made, but none of them seemed particularly life threatening at the moment. So, then, the problem became which thing she needed to mention first.

"I… feel better than I did before," she murmured. "But I hurt still. And I'm hungry."

"I'll see what I can get you."

More broth was ordered and presented to the girl, but this time she was able to eat the whole thing. It was a relief to Brekke when the woman came to check on her one last time before retiring for the night. "We're going to keep you on a plain broth until you recover more strength, dear," she explained. "But you're doing nicely. Very nicely."

Elrenia nodded her head, and watched her caretaker smile before turning to leave. This should have contented the girl. She should have been relieved to have one less person to deal with, but instead of letting the moment pass without question she murmured, "Thank you." Her mother always taught her to show gratitude when it was due, and she hated to forget that lesson even for a second. She'd been failing that, she felt. She'd been less than grateful, when she should have been praising the skies for her luck.

The soft spoken words caught Brekke's attention, and she turned to look at the young woman, laying tiredly in her bed. The thanks could have been for the kind words, but something in the brunette's face spoke of much deeper issues, and so she cautiously asked, "For what, dear?"

"Helping me," the girl whispered. She half hoped that Brekke wouldn't hear her, so that the situation could be over. Thanking her made her feel a little less ungrateful, but silly at the same time. Brekke wasn't the Healer at Benden Weyr, so if she didn't want to be helping Elrenia she had no obligation to. Surely that meant _something_. But the girl still couldn't help feeling that she was a waste of her time. "You've probably got much better things to do. You have a lifemate, don't you?"

"F'nor," the woman spoke, warm affection filling her eyes the moment the name passed her lips. "Yes." Seconds later the look passed, however, and the woman was staring critically at her patient. "He understands though," she excused the situation. "I don't mind, and so neither does he. In fact, he hopes to meet you when you're feeling better."

The notion frightened the girl quite a bit, but she nodded her head in acceptance all the same. She'd been stealing his woman for a sevenday, the least she could do was meet him. And with that Brekke bade the two good night, warning H'val to get some sleep. Laughing, the woman said, "Even if that means you need to crawl into bed with our little patient here." It was a notion at which Elrenia recoiled, and H'val looked over at her nervously even as the older woman disappeared from sight. Neither took keenly to the idea jokingly offered, and that was all well and good. Knowing that the blue rider didn't actually consider it put the girl at ease.

The silence that resulted was awkward though. It weighed heavily about their heads and shoulders, hanging in the air like a foul odor. More than one attempt at conversation was made, to no avail. Every try faltered, and was smothered by an odd glance or a cleared throat. They continued avoiding eye contact and words until finally, carefully, H'val managed to mutter, "You are from Levic?"

"Yes," the girl replied, tilting her head curiously, with no small amount of pain in her heart to think of it. "Why?"

"I…" There was a sort of shame in H'val's eyes suddenly, and he looked completely off to the side, refusing to see even the smallest part of the girl's body. "When… I… well, you see, I figured it would be a good idea… I went to the field where I found you, and talked to the Holder. Koth took me over the forest, as directed…"

Fearing what was to be said next, the girl could only whisper, "Please…"

Relieved to be interrupted in his narrative, the boy hesitated to ask, "Did you know it was that bad?"

"Yes."

"I went back to check with the Holder, Kelby, to see if I'd perhaps gone to the wrong place. I wished I had been but… he told me that… thirteen bodies were recovered…"

"I…" _Thirteen?_ She recalled twelve being mentioned. A new one was found? "I was there when it happened. I… went to check… after visiting… and… the fire…"

"I'm so sorry," the young man spoke with an outrageous sincerity, reaching forward to grab the girl's hands where the rested atop the blanket. She didn't recoil, which was both relieving and horrible. Her heart was on her sleeve, and it seemed to shatter into smaller pieces with every passing moment. "I know you hate to hear it, but I am. I… I came right back to the Weyr after I found out. I didn't—"

"I still have family," Elrenia spoke lowly, without any warning. H'val kept speaking for several moments, trying to cheer her from whatever depression kept her so carefully repressed, without realizing she'd spoken at all. But when the sound of her voice suddenly sunk in he stared, and she repeated, "I… I still have family."

"That's…" H'val smiled carefully. "That's excellent."

"L-last I heard, my brother lived near Fort Hold."

H'val stared at her, and his smile stopped being so hesitant. His worry about insulting her with optimism was overwhelmed as he thought of the place. "I come from Fort!" he laughed, as though she didn't already know this fact. As if he'd completed some grand mission simply by living at the Weyr. "When we're sent back home I'll take you with me," he promised. "I'm sure N'ton won't mind me getting you to your brother."

"Finding my brother."

"Pardon?"

"I…" Momentarily excited by the offer made, Elrenia was afraid of the blue rider recanting if he found out that it wouldn't be as simple as normal transportation. She couldn't lie to him, though, and quietly murmured, "I don't actually know where he lives. I… I need to find him."

"Not a problem!" the boy sounded sure of himself. "We've got rooms to spare! I… just need to check with him. But we won't be going back for several sevendays yet. I'll make sure Z'den allows me to stay with the late riders, so that I can bring you—"

"I'd hate for you to shirk duties for me."

"There'd be no shirking. I'd be working here instead of there, but I'd still be flying Fall. I'll just stay back until the last Benden rider is fit to fly again."

"I'd hate to get you in trouble with your Weyrleader."

"I won't be in trouble," H'val reassured. "I'll talk to him as soon as I can."

Silence descended once more, but only for a few thoughtful moments before Elrenia managed to whisper, "I… I would really appreciate that."

"Good!" And H'val was like a child being praised for the first time. His eyes were bright, his smile wide. The exuberance lifted Elrenia's spirits as well, causing her to laugh almost delicately when he clapped his hands together to signify the completion of something. "Well, now that _that's_ been decided… how are you feeling?"

There was a notable lightness within the young woman, and so she nodded her head and spoke with very little hesitance, "Better." _Much better, actually. _"I wish I knew how to—"

"There's no need for any of that," he assured her, waving his hand about in a dismissive staccato. "I'm your friend. I wouldn't be a very good one if I couldn't do this little thing for you." She opened her mouth to argue, to say that he'd already done more than enough to prove himself as a friend, but he wiggled his fingers at her nose. "It's _nothing_. I promise. No problem at all."

"Okay." She nodded her head, and forced herself to accept these words. "If you say so."

"Good. And your feet?"

"They are achy."

"Considering how far you walked, is this a surprise?"

"Not really."

"The rest of you?"

"I… I'm tired."

"Then sleep, I'll watch over you."

A command that was given often. A promise made and kept without fail. Elrenia was rarely on her own in the following days. H'val was almost always there when he wasn't flying Fall, Mirah there when she wasn't flying with the Queen Wing and H'val was too busy bathing or sleeping to stay. She was sure he did it on purpose, made sure that everyone knew he didn't want her to be on her own for too long, because in the few instances when neither he nor Mirah were able to tend her, one of the Weyrfolk—always a woman—was by her side.

While she appreciated the sentiment more than she knew how to express, the girl also grew frustrated with it. H'val was the only man who visited, and the women who did were never sure quite how to handle her. Z'den had not been exaggerating her first day there, when he complained about the women and their propensity for unnecessary investigation. Only one or two openly tried to broach subjects better left untouched, and brought up rumors to be denied or corroborated, but every last one of them tried to subtly pry information from her.

She hated it. Of course she was grateful for their kindness toward her, thankful that she was allowed to stay for so long without question. She wished that there was something she could do to repay the Weyrleader and Weyrwoman, the many riders who showed her kindness, the Weyrfolk who cared for her. But if there _was_ anything she could do no one bothered to mention. The thing that bothered her was, after just a few days, she started to feel like a performer rather than a temporary resident. People came to observe her, watch her act, and when they grew tired of it they politely excused themselves to other chores. She was an outlet. Entertainment. A way to get out of chores. But she wasn't one of the Weyrfolk, though she was living there. _I am __**not**__ one of them._ She didn't really consider herself a resident, so why should anyone else?

It wasn't a fortnight before Elrenia found herself going stir crazy, pacing the weyr after washing all of her clothing in the bathing room twice, spending over an hour sitting on the ledge of the outer weyr, watching the dragons take off to fly Fall, and the Weyrlings that moved in and out to replenish firestone supplies on the leading edge. She'd been alone for hours, everyone too busy fighting or helping the wounded to spare a thought for her.

There was guilt when she realized that she _wanted_ someone, even one of the fardling women, to go and spend time with her, but she couldn't help it. She was lonely. However it wasn't even that which bothered her quite so much as the inactivity.

At home, even when there was no one around for miles and she did not expect company for months, she always had something to do. There was a field to plow, or a harvest to be taken, or something to be repaired. Here she had nothing to attend but herself, and after being cooped up for so long she didn't_ need_ tending any longer! There was the near overwhelming urge to just walk from the weyr she'd been assigned to _find_ something to do, but she was under strict orders to stay put. Brekke didn't want her getting hurt, H'val didn't want her getting lost, and Lessa didn't want her getting in the way. All were valid concerns, and her respect for them was about the only thing keeping her in place.

Well into the night a voice sounded from the doorway and finally H'val came, carrying a tray full of food that they were meant to share, except he hadn't been there for five minutes when he fell asleep curled up in one of the chairs. Managing to smile at this, Elrenia moved over to her bed for a blanket to cover him with, and ate dinner by herself without complaint. The fact that he thought about her at all was more than enough. She rather fancied him as a younger brother, a little boy trying to stay up with the adults but managing to do little more than be endearing.

Unable to sleep, for that's all she ever seemed to do anymore, Elrenia walked out to the ledge of the weyr, looking up at the stars in the sky. They were magnificent things, especially from her current vantage point. Really they didn't look any different than they would have were she standing on the tall hill, but somehow she felt that she was closer to them. Significantly so. She was content to ponder this until a soft croon sounded and the words, _Move back, small one_, pushed into her mind.

Looking to the side revealed Koth gliding toward the ledge, and so Elrenia wisely did as she was told, moving to stand flush against the back wall to avoid a collision and damage to the beast. He was very careful about landing regardless, catching himself on his front paws to stop his progression before hopping on the rest of the way. It was with a quiet huff that the blue stretched his neck forward to push his head into the girl's stomach, pleading without word or sound for scratches.

More than willing to comply with the demand, the brunette stepped away from the wall to sit against Koth's side as she was prone to do. He was warm, a comfort to her even when she wasn't particularly cold. Brekke had been very good about finding clothes better suited for the current weather, so she wasn't particularly bothered by the wind any longer. The clothing, however, was either too big in order to fit her height, or too short in order to fit her slight width. It seemed there were very few girls in the lower caverns that matched her in any way, and those that did had very little clothing to spare.

Still the trousers covering her legs, donated kindly by one of the newly paired weyrlings about the same age but taller than H'val, kept her warm. The long sleeved tunic donated by one of the kitchen girls did the same. And when a particularly strong gust managed to get through, Koth was more than happy to wrap her in his tail and reach out to the side to grab the blanket the girl kept stowed away there. Laying against the creature, listening to his hearts beat and generally enjoying his presence was quickly becoming a nightly custom for girl, though neither would ever dream of admitting it were they confronted about it.

_H'val is in there?_ Koth asked politely, even though Elrenia was sure he knew the answer already. There was never a moment when the blue didn't know where his rider was, never a moment when _any_ dragon didn't know. Somewhere, deep within the recesses of the girl's mind she wondered if a missing rider would cause a dragon to suicide. She hoped not. She hated to think of _any_ of the beautiful creatures dying for any reason.

"He is," she whispered, petting the head that twisted around in what Koth insisted was a perfectly comfortable position. "Sleeping soundly, I may add. Were there many injuries?"

_Too many._

"Any injury is too many, dear one."

_Yes. But there were more than many today. A Queen._

"A queen?" the girl gasped, praying silently for it to _not_ be Mirah's Sayath, though she hated to wish the pain on _any_ of the beauties.

_Sayath is fine, _the blue assured the moment he caught wind of the stray thought. _It was a young one. She was not cautious enough. _

"I'm sorry to hear." She honestly was. But, had it been a particularly serious wound she was sure H'val would have been awake enough to inform her of it. The entire Weyr would have been buzzing, so _someone_ would have come to her, even if it was just for the novelty of being the first to tell her. "Today's Fall was especially heavy then?"

_Especially._

"I do wonder why," she breathed, no longer scratching but absently stroking the snout resting against one of her knees. "I… have noticed this. There have been more frequent injuries over the past few days. I may be wrong, but… it even feels that Thread falls more often as well."

_It does_.

"But why?"

_No one knows._

"Not even you, Almighty Blue Dragon?" Elrenia feigned a gasp, and was sure that Koth was looking up at her with his drollest expression. Superimposing emotion onto the beast's features allowed the girl to chuckle softly for a moment, before she forced herself to continue, "I do hope it goes back to normal soon."

_So do I. _

"I'd hate for you to get hurt."

_He comes._

"Koth?"

The creature blinked, eyes shifting to colors of distress as he suddenly lifted his head, looking off to the side before he stood on the ledge and moved back, physically dragging Elrenia back and out of the way with one clawed foot as Arlith swooped down and landed without any warning. The girl was shocked, pressing her knees against her chest, and her back against Koth's forelegs as he pressed himself as tightly as possible against the far wall while letting out a distressed noise. The big brown tossed his head to the side, eyes whirling red and yellow as he stared at the blue, and Elrenia had the notion that the two were having a conversation as she saw Z'den hop from his dragon's neck to rush inside the weyr.

For several horrifying moments Elrenia feared that he'd come in search of her, to complete whatever dastardly deed a man could wish to in the middle of the night, but even over the sound of the wind she heard the man nearly shout, "H'val! H'val, where are you?"

She hadn't the slightest idea what he wanted the young man for, but stood to rush in and stop him. Grabbing him by the arm to get his attention before raising a finger over her lips to signal for his silence. "Hush!" she commanded lowly, tilting her head toward the circle of chair in the corner. "You should know better than anyone that he needs to sleep. Koth says it was a hard Fall today."

Z'den did not, however, heed her warning. Instead he wrenched himself from her grip and marched forward to call, "H'val! Get up!"

The boy groaned, and curled further into the chair, muttering something about sea snakes and falling stars. Clearly he was having quite the interesting dream, but in spite of Elrenia stepping in front of the large brown rider to halt his progress, he managed to get over to the boy, pulling him upright to tap his cheeks harshly until he woke. And it was a sudden waking indeed, one where the boy nearly threw himself to the ground and glared hotly up at the older man.

"Shards, Z'den! Whaddya want?"

"You need to get up! N'ton sent for you."

"What?" The blue rider spoke at the same instant as Elrenia, and the two stared at one another for a moment in shock. "W-what does he want?"

"He didn't give me specifics. He wants you back at Fort."

"Lioth bespoke Arlith?"

"Yes."

"Why not Koth?"

"Arlith says he did, but Koth did not respond."

"Koth?" the blue rider shouted, rushing to the outer weyr where the blue dragon sat looking positively guilty. "Lioth summoned me?" The blue looked about ready to fly away from the scolding look, but instead let out a keening whine.

_He needed to sleep, _Koth said to Elrenia when his rider rushed back in to get his jacket from the back of the chair. _I didn't wake him because sleep is most important right now_.

"Koth…" H'val groaned as Elrenia moved forward to soothe the beast. She didn't get within arms reach before he moved forward to grab her arm. "Go. Pack a bag."

"H'val?"

"What is this nonsense, boy?" Z'den asked carefully.

"I promised I'd take her to Fort with me, so we could find her brother. Her feet should be sufficiently healed, and if they're not, she can finish recuperating over there. I'll keep her in _my_ weyr if I have to!"

"There's no time for her to pack, H'val."

"Nothing could possibly—"

"There's no time!"

"Go, H'val," Elrenia spoke lowly, smiling when brown eyes shot to her face. "Go. See what your Weyrleader needs. Brekke and Mirah are both still here. I'll go when you can return for me, yes?"

The boy hesitated for a delayed moment, even as Z'den tried to urge him to go once more. He went so far as to haul the young man to the waiting blue dragon, but still the young rider seemed to be having some internal struggle. Elrenia wished, desperately, that there was something she could do to ease the problem, but accepted that there wasn't. Not when she wasn't sure what exactly was going on in his head.

_Koth, dear, tell him that you need to go. I'll be fine._

Seconds later the boy was on his dragon's neck, and the two were in the air. Elrenia stepped closer to the edge to watch, as the familiar voice promised, _I will listen for you._

"I know, Koth. I know."

_Arlith will keep you safe_.

And, to her shock, Elrenia found that the brown was looking directly at her.

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_**Sorry for the delayed update. It's been a crazy couple weeks for me with finals, and moving out of college for the summer and whatnot! I'm hoping to get back on schedule now.**_


	18. Chapter 17

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 17**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Mirroring the dragon's gaze, the brown rider was looking at her, eyes narrowed for a reason that was indiscernible. For a moment she was afraid that, perhaps, she'd managed to insult him, but try as she may she couldn't come up with _how_ she could have managed this. He'd been there for all of five minutes, and the entire time his attention had been on H'val. Of course, that could have been the problem. She'd tried to prevent him from waking the boy without figuring out the situation first, hindering him in his mission and perhaps costing them valuable time.

Intending to apologize, Elrenia's voice stuck in her throat when Z'den raised a hand to silence her before she uttered a sound. He didn't say a word, but kept the appendage in the air, indicating that he didn't want to hear whatever she had to say. _Of course_, she couldn't help thinking, hands migrating to clench the front of her tunic harder and harder the longer she had to wait in silence. _Of course I manage to insult him the first time I see him in over a fortnight! _It was the way of the world, she supposed.

_Really_, she couldn't help thinking, _what it all boils down to is the exact amount of ineptitude I've managed to store and let out solely in this man's presence. _Which, as far as she was concerned, was a lot._ He suffers greatly._

"What are you thinking?"

"Brown Rider?"

"You look as though I'm about to strike you," he explained, moving as though he'd touch her arm, but abandoned the notion to instead extent his arm toward the opening to the weyr. "I would never, child," he assured. "You're best to get inside—it's getting cold."

Although she obediently entered the warmer inner weyr, leaving Arlith to sit whatever vigil he planned on, she couldn't help but mutter, "I'm not a child."

"Then act like an adult."

Shoulders stiffening, Elrenia wasn't sure how she was meant to react to his words. _He's trying to provoke me_, she thought. _But why?_ There was no logic behind it that she could see, but she wasn't about to ask him. Playing into his hand was the worst thing she could think of with her protector, and the only dragon who could hear her, all the way over at Fort already! Koth said that Arlith would protector her, but while she believed it when she said it, she didn't know how well the promise could hold up if she put it to the test. Especially if the person he was meant to be protecting her from was his own rider.

_Arlith?_ she called lightly, in her head, the same way she spoke to Koth when she wanted to be sure no one else could hear her. _Arlith, can you hear me?_ She waited several long moments, just standing in the middle of the weyr, waiting for a response that never came. Whether the brown couldn't hear her, or was choosing to ignore her was a mystery, but either way it made her acutely feel the loss of her favorite blue. Both beast and rider. She wanted Koth and H'val back right that very instant, but settled for sinking into the chair the boy had been sleeping in.

Z'den sat across from the girl, much like her first night there, but this time he was fully dressed and did not need her tending. The way he sat reminded her of her father when he was issuing a scolding. Back perfectly straight, shoulders rolled back, chest puffed out. She had the distinct impression, once more, that she'd erred in some horrible way, but Z'den wasn't even looking in her direction. No. He was staring off toward the entrance to the outer weyr, obviously speaking to Arlith.

Wondering if she could perhaps ask the rider if his dragon could hear her, the girl shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Sitting was the last thing she wanted to do with this man in the room. Pacing. Pacing sounded good, but the moment she stood the man turned sharply to her and _requested_, "Sit. Please, Elrenia."

"I… what… do you…"

"I wanted to apologize."

This threw her for a loop, and the girl leaned forward in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"Our… last meeting didn't exactly end well. I wanted to apologize for my behavior."

Elrenia nodded her head in careful acceptance, but honestly wasn't sure what he was talking about. Her most recent memory of him was a half deluded fever dream, one where his hands were like burning coals grabbing her arms, forcing her about. She shivered as she remember it, and blinked the memory from her mind rapidly. Had he done such a thing, H'val never would have appointed his dragon her new protector. Unless, of course, he did not understand that more than anything else a dragon was loyal to his rider. _Of course he knows this, dimglow. He __**has**__ a dragon!_

"I did not mean to frighten you."

"Of course, Brown Rider."

"My only intention was to ensure that you did not harm yourself further."

"I understand, Brown Rider."

"Elrenia?"

"Yes, Brown Rider?"

"Do you recall the incident I'm referring to at all?"

"I…" _How did he know? _"Vaguely?"

Z'den sighed, and allowed his head to drop for a moment. Clearly he was frustrated with her, and he shifted his shoulders sharply before resettling in his seat. "If there is anything that you fail to remember or do not understand, _please_ tell me Elrenia. I hate to go on speaking to an absent audience."

"Yes, Brown Rider."

"What is your vague recollection?"

This was not the question Elrenia anticipated next, and so she faltered for a moment, eyes shooting up to Z'den's lightly tanned face before settling back in her lap. "I…" What did she remember? He asked her to sit, apologized for H'val. "I moved. There… was there blood?"

"You tore your feet open once more, yes."

"And… and…" Her mouth went dry, her eyes drifting to the side to avoid remembered ash.

"And?"

"Fire."

A shadow fell suddenly over Z'den's face and he was sliding forward in his seat, reaching out to touch Elrenia's hand, regretfully pulling away when she flinched. "What is it about me that repels you so?" he asked with little rancor. "I would do nothing to you that H'val would not. You are safe with me."

"Yes, Brown Rider." But she didn't believe it. H'val was young, and innocent in many ways that boys his age never seemed to be anymore. Z'den was not young. He was not innocent. He knew ways to hurt her that H'val could never even dream of, but she daren't say those things aloud. Especially not in his presence, lest he take insult and prove her conclusions correct.

"If you wrench your top any harder, you'll rip it."

Elrenia dropped the fabric immediately, rubbing her right thumb roughly against the palm of her left hand as she started to wring them together instead. Z'den sighed when he noticed this, raised a hand to grip the bridge of his nose. _He sighs a lot_, Elrenia noted absently, trying to look at anything but him. It was a difficult task, seeing as she was quite interested in trying to figure out what exactly he was thinking about.

Though she wasn't particularly good at reading people, H'val was an open book to her. A relief when directly juxtaposed with those underhanded individuals that filled Hold, Hall, and Weyr. She didn't need to worry about a knife in her back with him, because it was not in him to hurt a person so. Koth said it was so, and so it was true. She enjoyed having an idea of what was on his mind. She especially enjoyed having Koth as back up. Z'den was like everything she despised in a man, on dragonback. The thought was truly horrifying.

"Would you like me to leave?"

Elrenia looked up so suddenly that her neck hurt, but all she could do was stare. _Yes_, she wanted him to leave, but she couldn't ask him to. He was doing H'val a favor staying with her, and to request that he go would have been… it…

She looked anywhere but at his face as she failed to answer, knowing that her incompetence would only gain his scorn. She couldn't even answer a simple question, there was no way he could respect that, but knowing that his dislike for her would only grow didn't force her to answer either way.

"You… are allowed to say yes as well," the man informed her. Elaborating when she looked up in conclusion, "I told you that you are allowed to say no, if you wish. You… are also allowed to say yes. Until you choose to leave, or we have a junior queen that needs housing, this will be your weyr Elrenia. With the exception of the Weyrleader and Weyrwoman, you _do_ get to decide who frequents this place. It is your right."

"My… my right?"

"Yes," the man spoke tonelessly. "Now, if you wish for me to leave, you need only say the word and I will go."

It was tempting, of course, to tell the man to leave and never look back, but she couldn't help remembering H'val's reassurances. He told her, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that a dragonman would never force himself on her. She… Koth told her that H'val was good, and so she trusted him. Both Koth and H'val trusted Z'den and Arlith so logic dictated that she should trust them. And, failing that, they deserved the benefit of the doubt.

With all of the will she could muster, the girl took a deep calming breath and shook her head. "You… can stay." She wanted to vomit the moment the words left her mouth, but she refused to take them back. Perhaps, if she befriended Z'den, Arlith would become another draconic ally. An invaluable thing to have. "I-If you would prefer to leave that is fine as well, of course. I'm sure you're just a tired as H'val was. I… I would hate to keep you up."

"It's fine, dear," Z'den assured with a mild tilt of his head. "How are your feet? Brekke's told me that you're recovering quite nicely."

"It doesn't hurt so much so walk anymore," the girl reported calmly. "I… didn't realize how injured they were until they finally started to heal. When one grows accustom to pain, the mind dulls it."

"The mind does amazing things."

"The mind does horrible things as well."

"Oh?"

"I… didn't realize I was hurting myself."

"Didn't you?"

Feeling as though she was being judged suddenly, Elrenia seriously reconsidered allowing the man to stay for a moment. H'val had an uncanny knack for knowing when she was telling the truth because Koth was very bad at keeping secrets from his rider. Z'den… there was no excuse for him staring through her like a pane of glass, obviously knowing more than he was letting on. It unsettled her, and she shifted in her seat again, moving to sit on the very edge so she could stand and move any moment she wished to. Having the freedom to do so made her feel a bit better.

"Your fever is gone?" Z'den asked right as the silence was becoming awkward.

"Yes, Brown Rider."

"And you're feeling…?"

"Better." And this was the truth. "Much better now. I…"

"Yes?"

"I just…"

"Elrenia?" The girl looked up, and the man made sure to make and maintain eye contact, going so far as to reach out and tilt her chin when she tried to look away as he said, "You are free to speak. There is no punishment here for having an opinion, even though Lessa's scolding and telling you exactly how wrong you are in excruciating detail often _feels_ like a punishment. You may speak freely."

"I just wish I was allowed to go."

"You're still—"

"I don't mean _away_," the girl interrupted, and blushed immediately in shame for doing so. But Z'den didn't continue speaking, sitting back to listen to whatever she had to say instead, so she continued, "I… I mean around. Somewhere. Anywhere. I'm a farmer by trade. I'm… I'm not _good_ at just sitting around doing nothing."

"You… do you mean you want chores?"

"If that's what it takes to get me out of this fardling weyr!"

Z'den's eyes went just slightly wide, and Elrenia immediately realized what she said in abject horror. She raised both of her hands to ward off whatever the brown rider would do or say to protect the name of his weyr, and looked both ways for an escape route. But the man didn't so much as lean in further to her. In fact he leaned back, watching her react to his lack of response. It took her several frantic seconds to realize that he wasn't upset, and even then she sat like a runner prepared to bolt.

"W-w-w-what I mean to s-say… the…this… the weyr is quite nice! Really! I-it's... I can't think of a better place to s-stay! B-but—"

"It's boring as _between_ when you're bedridden," Z'den finished for her with a shadow of a grin. "You don't need to plead your case to me, kid. My first ever flight had me bedridden for two fortnights. By the end of it I was about ready to jump from the ledge."

A short bugle from the brown on the ledge told Elrenia exactly what Arlith thought of that, and she couldn't help smiling just a little. She fancied that the beast just scolded his rider for the thought, displeased that at any point in his life he'd contemplated such a thing. It certainly made herself feel much better about her own feelings toward the situation. Suddenly it didn't feel as though she was exaggerating things. No. Being kept firmly in a weyr could even drive a brown rider crazy!

"You look tired, Elrenia."

"I… am often tired. Brekke says it is because of the fever I had. I am still recovering."

"Perhaps you should sleep."

"But all I _ever_ do is sleep."

Silence. _There's always silence_. Perhaps it was that Elrenia just wasn't a good conversationalist. She wasn't. It wasn't a surprise to her, really. When a person spends the majority of their life isolated from everyone but their siblings, they tend to not be particularly sociable in any way. She was grateful that she wasn't particularly socially awkward, but still…

"Would you like to go for a ride?"

Startled, Elrenia looked sharply up at the man. _Is… is he suggesting what I __**think**__ he's suggesting?_ Casting a brief glance in the direction of the outer weyr, she caught the man laughing at her when she looked back and blushed in shame. Of course she amused him. She amused everyone with her floundering, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't prevent the inherent foolishness.

"Well?"

"I…"

The few times she'd been on dragons she'd been rushed places. Rushed to Benden, rushed to the weyr she was currently held captive in. They'd all been brief flights, but… but not unpleasant. Koth made her feel safe, and she was sure Arlith could do the same if she just gave him the chance. Z'den, with all his gruff tones and judgement, seemed to be trying to be very nice to her. She needed to give him credit for this. He was accepting of her skittishness, and even understanding. He…

"I would love to," she breathed finally, intrigued by the way his eyes lit up. "I… it won't be trouble for Arlith, will it?"

"Not at all," the rider assured her, standing and motioning for her to do the same. "He's complaining that the ledge is too small for him."

Nodding in understanding, Elrenia paused suddenly when she realized, "But… the ledge is made to fit a _queen_."

"Don't tell _him_ that. I think he just wants to stretch his wings for more than threadfall."

"Oh."

"And impress you."

"Impress… me?"

The moment they stepped out, the brown breathed heavily at Z'den, tossing choppy blonde locks about in doing so. "Hey," Z'den laughed openly, patting the creature on the snout, "don't get mad at me! _You're_ the one who's jealous of Koth for getting all of the attention."

"Dragons get jealous?"

Looking over at the shocked girl, Z'den nodded his head casually. "They do, though they'll never admit it. One could say Koth and Arlith have a little bit of a rivalry going on—started when I first took the kid under my wing a few years ago."

"You were his Weyrling master?"

"Lord, no," Z'den laughed. "But… I shouldn't be telling you this."

"Why?"

"I don't approve of gossip. If H'val wants to talk about his life, then he'll talk about it. This is none of my business."

Elrenia was disappointed to hear this, but respected the man for setting those boundaries. She didn't approve of gossip when it was about her, and so she was a little ashamed to have been willing to participate when it was about another person. Especially one so wonderful as H'val. He'd been so kind to her since she arrived, especially since they first met upon a misunderstanding. Looking back on the day he picked her up out of the field was painful, because although she'd been frightened and wounded, there was no excuse for the rude way she spoke to him.

"Elrenia," Z'den's voice sounded softly, and she looked up to see him on Arlith's back, one hand extended to help her up. "Do you still want to fly?"

Nodding, the girl was only a little hesitant to step up the offered foreleg, knowing that if she couldn't hurt Koth she certainly couldn't hurt the big brown. And though she was extremely nervous to settle in front of the rider, even more so when he reached down and fastened his own riding straps to her, she kept her paranoia and panic firmly in check. H'val trusted him to watch over her, Koth trusted Arlith to do the same. _I'm safe with them_. Whether she believed it or not, she kept telling herself. She needed to. She needed the reassurance.

Not long after she was settled Arlith took off, and every fear was wiped from her mind. The straps kept her firmly in place, and where she'd been mildly worried about falling from the sky during both of her other flights, she was perfectly calm. Though she did take a moment to lean back and ask, "Will you be okay?"

"Pardon me?"

"Without the straps? Will… will you be okay?"

"Yes, child," Z'den laughed. "I'll be fine. You're the one I'm worried about. How many times have you been on dragonback?"

"This will be my third."

"Only three times?" And, though he was laughing at her inexperience, Elrenia was able to forgive because immediately he had a hand on her lower back and was instructing her, "Lean forward a little. We're going higher."

"Higher?"

"Higher."

There was hesitance in the movement, but Elrenia leaned forward against Arlith's neck. She stiffened when Z'den's chest pressed against her back, but was too distracted by how it felt to slice through the air to put too much thought into the inappropriateness of their current position. Arlith owned the sky, hide shinning like a sort of refined copper in the moonlight, shooting further and further toward the heavens. To think they were able to be up so high. Glancing off to the side revealed Benden Weyr shrinking away, the mountains bowing to the brown's excellence. Then, without any warning, they were gliding and the hand that directed her to lay flat was pulling her back up.

"Look," the man instructed quietly. "Isn't it beautiful from up here?"

It was. In fact, the Weyr and all the things that surrounded it were breathtaking. She could only imagine how beautiful it was when bathed in daylight, but wouldn't dare to ask the man if he could take her out flying ever again. This was a kindness to be cherished, not exploited. An image to be burned in her memory forever, because it would never be repeated.

"To think so many dragons live there."

"It looks so small from up here, doesn't it?"

"It does," Elrenia agreed, pleased that the man knew exactly what she was saying. "How many people live there? Hundreds? And so many dragons… dragons like the great Queen."

"Don't let Ramoth hear you calling her that," Z'den warning. "She'll never fit onto her couch again with _that _ego boost."

"She's the biggest dragon ever though!"

"She is," the man agreed. "And she'll have the biggest _ego_ ever if you keep up with compliments like that!"

"I'm—"

"You need to stop apologizing." Elrenia stiffened in her seat at the rebuke, but the hand on her waist, holding her steady, squeezed gently. "And you need to stop being so sensitive. Things will be all right. Have faith."

Almost belligerently the girl muttered, "Faith in what?"

"In the dragons, if it's the only thing you find worthy."

_This_, Elrenia couldn't help thinking, _is excellent advice._ She _did_ have faith in the dragons. Or, at the very least, she had faith in Koth. The big blue was always there when she needed him, and when he couldn't be there he always managed to put someone good in charge of her. Like Arlith, who was happily taking her to the clouds. There was no reason she could think of to _not_ trust the great beasts!

Far too quickly the trip was ending, though. Arlith calmly flew them back to the Weyr, landing gently on the junior queen's ledge to let his passengers off. It took Z'den just a few moment's to unstrap Elrenia, and then he slipped off first, catching her when she slid down with much less hesitance than she showed the first time they were in this position. Settling her on the ground with his hands about her waist, Z'den held Elrenia in place for a moment, head tilted just slightly as he watched her.

This, however, made the girl self conscious, the hands on her making her feel an insecurity that had been more or less successfully buried since she first woke up from her fever. It was easier to be confident about women who didn't know how to handle her. Smiling, and being friendly came easily enough, and put everyone at ease. But with the green eyes searching her critically… Elrenia didn't know what to do with her hands, and she certainly didn't know where to look. She feared that they would stand like that indefinitely, until finally Arlith let out a soft croon and Z'den looked away from her, releasing her seconds later.

"My apologies, lady," Z'den said after a moment. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I… hadn't realized that your bruise was gone."

"Bruise?" Elrenia raised her hand to palm her cheek, the remembered feel of _his_ hand brutally backhanding her pouncing immediately on her. "I-I… it's been over a fortnight," she dismissed. "Of course it's gone away."

"You look better without it."

She blinked, unsure of how to take this comment, and blushed delicately. _What does he mean by that? _Was there _anyone_ who looked good bruised and battered as she had been? Maybe she was just odd, but she didn't find signs of abuse attractive at all! Lowering her hand to clasp the two against her stomach, Elrenia looked back at Arlith as though she was expecting backup. The beast didn't even look at her though, so she was left to deal with the confusing situation on her own.

"T-thank you?"

"You look happier," he explained. And when she failed to respond beyond lowering her head to allow her hair to fall into her eyes, he sighed and took a step around her. "Go inside, child. Rest, even if you cannot sleep. I'm sure things will begin looking up for you soon."

Elrenia nodded her head, accepting the order, and stepped back to watch the man mount his dragon. The two left without another word, and she watched until they disappeared from view entirely, still admiring the way the creature seemed to glow copper in the moonlight. The prideful way that Z'den held himself while he was flying. They were, to say the very least, intriguing. And they hadn't hurt her. _This, _she thought,_ is something to keep in mind._

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_**leavesfallingup, it's just short of a month since Elrenia met Rilow (the Harper). Don't worry about what's going on with them, you'll find out soon enough.**  
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	19. Chapter 18

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 18**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Sleep came not long after she settled under her covers, and ended not long before sunrise. She wished she could sleep longer, if only to pass the time, but waking up with the sun was too well engrained to stop in a mere fortnight. Still confined to the weyr had the girl wandering for several long minutes without anything to do. Had Koth and H'val been at Benden, she would have probably been talking to the beautiful blue, but the lack of presence in her mind told her acutely that they were still gone. _Why?_ Z'den said, the night before, that he didn't know, but she wasn't entirely sure that she believed him. For some reason he struck her as a man who always knew more than he let people know.

Refusing to dwell on the matter, Elrenia finally settled for bathing and washing her clothes. Again. Specifically her leggings which, after she'd washed her hair and scrubbed imaginary grime frpm her skin, were examined for blood stains on the legs and… and though there were none visible she knew the blood was still there. She could practically _smell_ it caked onto unsavory bits of her clothing, and she could have just burned the leggings if they hadn't been the only article of clothing she owned that actually fit her. The only relic of her past left.

Sitting in the water, staring at her wavering reflection, Elrenia's eyes lingered on the cheek that had only recently sported a bruise. It was probably the lighting playing tricks on her mind, but she could swear that there was still the sickly yellow tint that came with healing skin just below her eye. Raising a hand to finger the spot, she could swear it was still tender. Everything was still tender. There was no reason for it to be, because she'd been recovering for near a month, but it was.

Dipping under the surface of the water to wash suds from her hair, the brunette didn't spend much more time in the bathing room. The feel of her toes beginning to prune make her skin crawl, wondering how much water her skin could absorb, wondering if she could empty the pool entirely just with her skin. She shuddered as she stepped from the water, toweling dry before she pulled on one of the pairs of pants so kindly donated by a weyrling, and a tunic given to her by one of the girls from the lower caverns. Keeping the towel wrapped around her shoulders to keep her hair from soaking her top, she leaned over the pool to wring out her leggings and set them aside to dry. Being so thin, and small, if she laid them out flat they would only take an hour or so to dry and be inspected for stains once more. It had worked several times already, with the subtle warmth of the rocky floor, so there was no reason why it wouldn't now.

Moving back out to the main room, Elrenia picked a hairbrush off of one of the tables. She still remembered the day one of the girl's kindly snuck it in to her. There'd been no request made, but the young woman, maybe seventeen years old, had taken the initiative to do something nice. Thinking about it made her smile just a little, as she settled into one of the chairs and put the brush temporarily in her lap so that she could towel dry her hair.

The problem with this, however, was that her hair was thick. She recalled her mother joking about how her hair was thirsty, so it'd suck up all the water it could while it had the chance, only to deposit it in the worst places—down the back of her shirt, over the dry clothes, into her pillow. Fluffing her hair with the towel helped to get _some_ of the water out, but not as much as she wanted.

So with the towel wrapped around her shoulders once more, Elrenia started brushing. Detangling with her fingers before she picked up the bristled thing. The work was tedious, repetitive, and did nothing to distract her. It wasn't long after she'd taken the brush to the soggy strands that her mind started wandering.

_H'val isn't back yet_. She knew it, because her gut told her that Koth would have warned her of their return the moment they showed up. He would have sensed immediately that she was worried about them. He would have sensed it, and tried to fix it the second that he did. It was the way he functioned.

H'val probably would have come to visit already, anyway. He knew she got up early every morning, and he would have shown up to tell her what was going on, or get her to pack her bags, or _something_. But instead she was sitting there, dragging the brush through locks of hair that didn't want to cooperate with her. Worrying about her friends wouldn't help anyone, and it only made her feel sick to her stomach, but she couldn't help it. It wasn't necessarily in _her_ nature to do so, but lately…

Footsteps from the hall broke the girl from the thoughts, immediately before her healer showed up, speaking with a smile, "Good morning, Elrenia."

"Good morning, Brekke."

Sighing, just short of rolling her eyes, Elrenia continued brushing her hair. The strokes were savage, but it wasn't the first time the healer had witnessed this behavior. At first she'd been alarmed by it, but she was quick to realize that there was nothing she could do to stop it, and no reason she should since there was no harm actually being done. She waited patiently for a few moments, and was pleased to see that girl predictably start to wrap her hair into a tight knot before she remembered she had nothing to tie it with. And, as always, this forced a grimace to the tanned face.

"Elrenia?"

"Yes, Bre—" Choking on her own tongue at the sight of a thick ribbon hanging from a single extended hand, Elrenia was hard pressed not to whoop with excitement. Her eyes lit up immediately as she raised her own hand to grab the fabric, but froze to glance up for permission before actually taking the thing. Then finally, after near a month of having to deal with her hair tossing about and knotting, she was able to wrap it up into an impossibly tightly bun. Dark hair that usually fell to the middle of her back seemed to disappear entirely. It appeared to have been shorn off near to the scalp until Elrenia turned her head to reveal the bulbous outcropping.

The moment she was done tending herself, Elrenia put the brush down, ran a towel across the back of her neck to clear the excess water, and smiled at Brekke. No matter her daily disposition, initially frightened but growing more and more irate with time, she always tried to be polite to the woman. Everyone who had ever been in to see Elrenia, even the women who tried to dig up information had been nothing but kind. The smile was not only meant to express her gratitude for this, but for the ribbon, and a million other kindnesses given freely.

Smiling back, the healer put down the fresh blankets she'd carried up. There was no surprise when Brekke reached over to feel for a fever, and even less when there was none to be found. The woman's eyes brightened however, when she said, "I think you're in the clear, Elrenia."

"I'm glad." Then, with a little bit of hope, "Does that mean I can move around yet? You know… _out_side of the weyr?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Why?" it sounded distinctly like she was whining, but Elrenia found that she didn't care. Flying with Arlith and Z'den had given her a taste of freedom that she didn't particularly want to give up. "I don't have a fever, and my feet—"

"They're still not quite as healed as I'd like them to be," Brekke spoke softly, moving to sit next to her patient. Touching one of Elrenia's arms as gently as possible, empathetic to the girl's restlessness, she explained, "You're better than you were—much better, but even just walking about in here is keeping them from healing properly."

"But staying in here is driving me crazy!"

"Elrenia?"

"I-I-I—" It took a moment for Elrenia to collect herself. She hated to take her frustration out on the woman, but with H'val gone there was no one else for her to talk to. The blue rider, when he wasn't distracted by his duties, always found things to amuse her. Together the hours felt like minutes, and she felt his absence keenly. Desperately she wanted something else to kill time, but couldn't come up with anything to do while she was trapped. "I grew up on a farm," she explained for what felt like the thousandth time. "I spent my time tending crops, and fields, and hauling water. I'm used to waking up with the sun and going to sleep late and completely exhausted. I'm not _good_ at just… just sitting around. There's nothing to do, and I… and…" voice trailing off, Elrenia shook her head and turned away. It wasn't something she liked to admit, but still she whispered, "I feel useless like this. Like… like I'm wasting everybody's time."

"Oh dear, you're not" Brekke assured. "I _like_ taking care of you. You certainly behave better than any of the weyrlings could ever dream to! And you're kind—"

"I'm not."

"You _are_."

"I don't want to argue with you Brekke!"

"Then don't argue with me."

"I want to _do_ something!"

"You can't."

"Why not?"

For a moment the woman was silent, thinking. And several moments later she still hadn't come up with a real excuse. Gazing imploringly at Elrenia, Brekke seemed to request that she stop pursuing the subject, but the girl couldn't leave it alone. She needed to know.

"I'm better," she reasoned, using the same voice that always calmed her little cousins and nieces and nephews when they were angry. "I could travel if I wanted to."

Blinking, Brekke responded immediately with, "You don't want to?"

Freezing, Elrenia was shocked by her own words, spoken unwittingly. It hadn't occurred to her that she had no desire to just get up and leave. At first she'd wanted to. When she first arrived at the Weyr, hurt, confused, and frightened she wanted to leave that very second. But she'd made friends and allies since then, and suddenly she found her desires were just slightly different. _When did things change?_ she wondered. It made no sense. Not really. Even _with_ friends and allies, she had a mission. She should have been ready to leave at any second to complete that mission. But she wasn't. It made _no_ sense. Except…

"H'val promised to take me to Fort with him. I just need to wait for him to come back."

"Back?"

"His Weyrleader called him back late last night."

"Oh?"

"I don't know why, but I had no right to ask."

"I see."

"Please, Brekke, let me leave. Not Benden, but… just this _weyr_. I need to do something! I can't just sit around here anymore!"

"I… could see if you could work in the lower caverns."

Elrenia could swear her heart stopped beating at the tentative words, so pleased was she to have heard them. It was no promise—there was no room for one. But even the mere _chance_ of being able to do some work excited her more than it should have. She supposed any other person in the world, even those used to hard labor, would have been happy with a few weeks off from work without consequence. But, then, none of them had to deal with her mind. She desired distraction, and this is where she could find it.

For a moment she was happy, genuinely so. Until she recalled the rumors about the girls from the lower caverns, the ones she'd grown up on. Horrible stories about them not being given the chance to leave. Being used as a sort of stress relief for the many, _many_ male riders without mates. There were only so many female riders, and the lesser dragons had no chance of catching a queen. The thought of being used like that sent her pulse racing in seconds, but she forced herself to stay calm for a time.

Instead of jumping straight to horrible conclusions, Elrenia swallowed the encroaching panic and carefully asked, "What… would I be doing in the lower caverns?"

"Probably cooking," Brekke said without blinking. "With another hatching on its way, even more candidates are being found. We can never have enough cooks, though Manora does her job well."

"M-Manora?"

"She's our Headwoman," Brekke explained pleasantly. "It's her job to care of all the odds and ends in the lower caverns." Smiling, she softly assured, "She's a good woman."

"I-I'm sure."

"Elrenia?"

"Yes?"

"Are you all right?"

Caught off guard by the question, the brunette only hesitantly nodded her head, asking, "W-why wouldn't I be?"

"You're shaking."

Clenching her hands together, Elrenia tried to stay as still as possible, but Brekke was not fooled. However, she remained blessedly quiet on the subject, letting it go after she touched the girl's shoulder to offer a sort of comfort. For a moment neither woman knew what to do, and Elrenia hesitantly asked, "S-so I'll be cooking?"

"Or cleaning," Brekke amended. "If your feet are good enough. I still don't want you moving around too much."

"I-I can cook," she assured hesitantly.

Brekke seemed amused by her odd nervousness though, chuckling, "Can you?"

"I-I'm no match for my mother's cooking," she admitted just a bit shamefacedly, "b-b-but my brother never had any complaints. Neither did my f-f-father when he was…"

Looking up just a bit sharply, Brekke touched Elrenia's arm with a kind smile. "I'll speak to Manora, and see if she can place you somewhere then. We'll start off slow, okay? A few hours here or there. Is that okay?"

"That's more than okay!"

"Good." Brekke smiled at Elrenia as she stood and rubbed her hands on her knees. "Do you want to go now?"

Shocked, the girl stared opened mouthed for a moment. "I-I-I-Yes!" She was completely prepared to walk straight out of the back of the weyr before she caught a look at herself in the mirror and asked, "What should I wear for work in the lower caverns?"

"Something easy to move in," Brekke explained. "The pants you're wearing might work. They… don't really seem to fit you though."

"O-One of the weyrlings gave it to me."

"Ah, yes. I remember." Tapping a finger on her chin, Brekke stepped around to examine Elrenia in a calculating way. She wasn't looking at her like a patient anymore, at least not at that second. "We… should probably get you something better to wear when we have the time," she murmured. "In the meantime, I'm sure that'll suit you just fine."

Nodding her head silently, Elrenia was prepared to just follow Brekke out of the room, but the way the loose fabric swayed about her limbs as she moved… _I could set myself on fire wearing this,_ she thought bitterly. Her mother _never_ would have allowed her to dress so in a kitchen—especially not a busy one. So she murmured, "Brekke, one moment," and slipped into the bathing room, where her leggings were laid out on the warm floor.

A quick touch showed that they were still a little damp at the knees and waist, but not uncomfortably so. She nodded her head at the air as she made her decision to slip from the loose fitting trousers, and pull on the tight leggings. Amazed that they still fit, even though she'd only been out of them for a month. Elrenia moved back into the main room to slip behind the curtain divide near the bed to locate her bag and a tunic she knew was inside. It was just as clean as her leggings, washed just as many times, but she could swear she still smelled smoke in the stitching as she pulled it over her head, smoothing it down her waist.

"Elrenia?"

"Coming Brekke."

Upon reentering the outer weyr, Elrenia found herself being studied closely for several seconds. Then Brekke was motioning for the girl to follow her out of the door as she murmured, "You're sure your feet are alright?"

"They're fine Brekke."

"Well, if those flimsy little shoes don't help cushion your feet enough tell me. I'll make sure you get some new boots."

"I'll be sure to."

"In fact, I'm going to see if we can't get you fitted for a new pair anyway. Your old ones aren't fit for travel anymore."

Shocked, Elrenia hesitated. She stopped following the woman, just briefly, and said, "No."

"Elrenia?"

"I… I mean…" Looking around frantically, Elrenia wasn't entirely sure what she meant to say for a moment. "I… there's no need. You don't have to do that. I… I don't need new boots."

"Nonsense."

And that was that. Brekke reached back to grab Elrenia's wrist, tugging her gently down the last few steps before pulling her around a corner. Of course there was no point in arguing with the healer. If there was a battle the brunette could never win, it seemed to be one where Brekke was her opponent. Even if she wasn't brighter or quicker on the uptake, Elrenia found that she was too grateful to the woman to try particularly hard. Everyone had been kind, and helpful, but Brekke had been especially caring. H'val and Mirah as well, but…

_Oh no_.

Men.

_Oh __**no**__._

Everywhere.

Elrenia vaguely recognized the room from her very first day at the Weyr, except it did not smell of numbweed any longer. The throngs of people bustling about were greatly increased. There were men this time, not just a few riders rushing in for a quick meal. There were groups of them sitting at tables. Some were talking adamantly, others were laughing. The room would have had a jovial air, if not for the way Elrenia's stomach sank at the sight of everyone.

_Surely_, her mind insisted firmly, _some of them are good. Surely not all of them are monsters._ But she wasn't so sure about this. One man turned absently in their direction, and stood the moment his eyes settled on her. Suddenly the only reason she was still there was Brekke's firm grip on her arm.

"Elrenia?"

"What does he want?" she whispered in a panic. "Why is he coming here? What does he _want_?"

Stepping up close behind her, Brekke rubbed her arms soothingly as she breathed, "Hush dear." It was a simple command, and the girl bit her upper lip to ensure she obeyed it. "There's no need to worry," the healer assured, "that is F'nor."

Elrenia recognized the name, somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she'd been told of him before, and his face was vaguely familiar. This odd sense of familiarity calmed her, just a little. With Brekke still stroking her arms, she was able to think through the situation. She was able to see that the man—F'nor—was not actually looking at _her_. His lips were pulled wide in a beaming grin, quite handsome on his face, and he was looking directly at the healer partially behind her. He wanted Brekke.

This did not make her feel much better, because she hated to wish harm to another person, but she could not deny that her stomach unclenched slightly with the thought that _she_ was not desired. Her stomach unclenched further when she noticed his pace slowing, stopping before he got within arm's reach of the two of them. F'nor tilted his head slightly to the side—curious. One or two men called out to him from other tables, but he waved them off politely before beginning his approach again, much more slowly. Carefully.

"Brekke," he greeted with a grin no less brilliant than his previous one. "You were gone before I woke up."

"_I_ have a patient to care for, lazybones." She may have insulted him, but there was affection in her tone that rivaled the way Grela and Rilow has spoken to one another. "This is Elrenia," she introduced. And the girl immediately dropped her gaze. "Elrenia, this is F'nor—my Weyrmate."

"It's a pleasure to meet you."

Nodding her head even though she didn't really agree, Elrenia was fired up to get moving. F'nor may have been Brekke's Weyrmate, but he was a man, and he was tall, and she was made nervous just looking at him. The longer she stood there looking at him the quicker her heart beat. The logical part of her brain told her that she was fine. He was a taken man, his woman was right beside her, and even if these things didn't stop him… he was related to the Weyrleader, right? That was where she recognized his face. They didn't look exactly alike, but certain things did looked… similar. He was in the public eye. There was no way he could hurt her without the whole world knowing! Why would he want to hurt her? She was nobody. But… she was nobody, so why had she already been hurt?

_Anyone_ was capable of _anything_.

A bench came up under her legs suddenly, and she realized she'd been led to a table and seated firmly between Z'den and Mirah sometime during her internal struggle. Why and how this happened confused her until she heard F'nor say, "She got pale suddenly." His voice was a low rumble, and he reached across the table to fill a cup with klah for her. Almost gingerly he placed it in her hands and looked at Brekke when he asked, "Should she be out of the weyr yet?"

"It's been over a fortnight," Brekke reasoned lowly, touching Elrenia's forehead and neck worriedly.

Right as it looked like panic was about the descend on the entire group, Mirah took a calm sip of her own klah and explained, "She hasn't eaten yet." It wasn't untrue, but the brunette couldn't help wondering how exactly the queen rider knew this. She'd only just opened her mouth to ask when Mirah continued, "H'val always brings her breakfast, and he's not here."

"I see."

A bowl of porridge was put in front of her next, and she stared in confusion until Z'den nudged her arm toward it discreetly. "Go on," he prompted casually. "You can eat. It's okay." It was like he was trying to coax a frightened fire lizard out of _between_, but she didn't have the heart to resent it. "This food's as much yours as it is mine."

Obediently she raised a spoonful to her mouth, but it tasted sour. Nothing felt right. Her leggings stuck too tightly to her legs, her tunic fell too loose, her hair wasn't wrapped up tightly enough, and the porridge… Nothing was right, and still she lifted another spoonful to her lips, a feeling of gentle relief washing over her as Z'den stood and waved F'nor away. Lacking their presence seemed to give taste to the food she was trying to eat instantly, even more noticeably when the blonde man said, "Let's leave the ladies alone, eh?"

F'nor hesitated, but only for a second, turning is dark eyes to Elrenia as he asked, "Are you going to be alright, lady?"

She blushed, "I… I'm not a lady."

"Then what shall I call you?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Elrenia could see Z'den shaking his head sardonically at the turn of the conversation. He was probably laughing at her in his mind as she said, "Elrenia."

"Call me F'nor."

"A…" It truly was an honor to be given such permission, but the girl wasn't sure how such an admission would be taken. "A pleasure to meet you."

The men left after that, and Elrenia breathed a heartfelt sigh of relief. She felt that, all in all, the situation had gone over well. She hadn't fainted, or cried, or fallen to the ground screaming. It was a success. At least she felt that way until Mirah was worriedly moving to her side, touching the back of her neck with a warm hand as she assured, "There's no need to be afraid of F'nor."

"Afraid?" Brekke breathed.

"Men," Mirah explained without taking her eyes off of Elrenia's face. "He's one of the best men here. He will _never_ hurt you. Ever. I promise."

Elrenia believed her.


	20. Chapter 19

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 19**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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It was the oddest thing, to sit there at a mostly empty table, eating with Brekke and Mirah. Really, Elrenia was the only one eating, but the two women sipped happily enough at cups of klah while they waited for the girl to eat her fill. They chattered absently about things that didn't really matter, but it kept the air from becoming too tense. If that was all she could wish for, she was more than happy to settle for it.

Breakfast couldn't last forever, though, and before long the girl was hesitantly pushing her bowl back, looking between her two companions for some sort of guidance. She wanted to meet the woman in charge of the caverns so she could start working, but if there was some sort of after breakfast ritual she needed to go through... she would. The memory of her mother habitually taking the girls of her family out back to haul water and clean the dishes and bowls was vivid. She hated it when she was a child, but that was the simple wish to _not_ do her chores. Her world had changed much since then.

It hadn't all been death and destruction over the years. People died, of course, but that was the way of life. She'd grown a lot. A little girl that didn't want to do anything but lay in the sun and pretend the world was made of bubbly pies and dragon eyes turned into a hard working, honorable young woman. It hurt to think of herself in such terms, because hiding out in a Weyr while she should have been avenging her family felt anything _but_ honorable. Still, she couldn't ignore the fact that her life up to this point had been well lived.

"You're done?"

"Huh?" Looking up in confusion, Elrenia saw Brekke and Mirah exchange grins before the blonde reached forward for her bowl. "N-No," she stammered, reaching forward to retrieve the bowl without success. "I can handle it."

"Don't worry. I'll put it away with my own. You need to go meet Manora."

"Manora?"

"Headwoman," Brekke reminded her. "The one you'll be working for."

"O-oh! Yes. Of course."

"So, you're done eating?" Mirah checked, and moved away as soon as the brunette nodded her head. Calling over her shoulder, "I'll see you two later," the girl simply disappeared into the crowd.

Elrenia stared after her for a long while, unsure of how she was supposed to respond. She was happy to have the responsibility taken off of her hands, simply because she didn't know what she was meant to do, but at the same time she felt bad. It was like shirking her chores off onto her little sister. It felt like cheating. Brekke's gentle hand on her arm brought her back into the here and now, allowed her to look up and smile just a little.

"Come on dear," the woman urged. "Let's go get you a job."

The two walked down a hall and once more the brunette was being lectured. "You can't overexert yourself," the healer warned. "You've only just overcome a serious fever, and I won't have you taking any risks. I hate for you to be doing this at all, but I figure I shouldn't stop you." Elrenia couldn't pretend not to be grateful, and nodded her head in acceptance of everything the woman had to say to her. "At the first sign of pain you must stop," she warned. "Immediately. You must stop, and sit, and rest. And if you don't feel better you ask someone to escort you back to your weyr, okay?"

"Yes Brekke."

"Brekke?" Looking up revealed a woman with white hair, braided tightly to her head. She seemed to have paused in what she was doing, arms crossed, expression rather severe. But as her eyes finished examining Elrenia, her entire demeanor softened. "Brekke," she murmured, stepping forward to take hold of both of the woman's arms, "What a pleasant surprise. You don't come this far down very often. How have you been?"

"I've been fine, Manora," the woman assured with a smile. She was quick to motion toward her patient, shifting the focus immediately as she said, "This is Elrenia."

"Ah," Manora breathed, looking the brunette over critically again as she continued, "the mysterious little guest that's been on the tip of everyone's tongue this past fortnight." She smiled as the girl turned a brilliant shade of red, and asked, "Well what can I do for you dear?"

"I-I-I—"

Seeming to take pity on the nervous visitor, Brekke took the reins, smiling even more brightly at Manora as she said, "Elrenia would like a job."

"A job?"

"She's healed up quite a bit, but I'm still not comfortable with the idea of her traveling between right now," Brekke explained calmly. "She says she's getting antsy just sitting around doing nothing, so I thought maybe you can put her to work. You could always use an extra hand, right?"

"Well, of course I can Brekke. But what can she do?"

"I-I can cook."

Both women looked at the girl for a moment. One expression was almost critical, the other open and supportive. Brekke motioned carefully for the girl to continue speaking, but she didn't. Couldn't. The moment the brunette would have opened her mouth it was as though her tongue swelled to twice its normal size and stole her voice. Instead grey eyes moved to stare at the ground, unsure of what else she was meant to say. She cooked—that really was all there was to it. A life story wouldn't make the headwoman any more confident.

"Elrenia?"

"Yes?"

The older woman sighed, but smiled all the same as she urged, "Tell me more."

"I…" _What do I say?_ "I used to cook for my father, and… and brothers."

When the girl paused awkwardly the woman pursued, "Did you have a big family?"

"Not particularly."

"Well, there are a lot of people here who need to eat. We prepare big batches of food at once. Do you think you could handle that?"

"Of course!" Elrenia sounded confident enough, more so than Brekke could recall hearing, especially considering her eyes were still trained to the ground and her fingers were wrapping in her shirt. Manora, however, did not look the least convinced. "I… I'll certainly try my best," the girl explained. "I don't loaf about."

"Well, that's certainly good." The older woman laughed. "We've had many a porridge burn because the girls get distracted by things."

"I promise not to be distracted!"

"I… suppose I could put you on the big pot for now. See if you can handle that."

"The… big pot?"

"I'll check up on you later, Elrenia," Brekke promised with a smile and a pat on her shoulder. "Remember to eat lunch, all right?"

"All right."

"Come dear," Manora beckoned immediately after. "I'll show you to your station."

The station ended up being a stool positioned a few feet and to the side of a big hearth. There was a big iron pot settled on a stoke above the flames, bubbling deliciously as it boiled. There was no one tending it however, a spoon just sitting in the broth, likely heating up as it did so. Elrenia took one look at this and hesitantly stepped forward, picking a folded cloth off of the stool so she could grab the handle of the spoon and stir the porridge before taking it out of the pot.

"I take it someone's loafing about?" the girl asked, looking nervously up at the seemingly aggravated headwoman.

"Someone's about to get a talking to," she muttered, nodding Elrenia to the seat before she started to walk past. "Stir it every few minutes. Make sure it doesn't burn against the bottom. Don't keep the spoon in the pot. If it starts to boil off, move the pot so it's not directly on top of the flames. If it starts to spit, put the top on the pot—it's right over there dear—off center so the steam doesn't collect. Don't let the kids play around with it. You got all of that?"

"Yes, Miss."

"Manora, please child."

"Yes, Manora."

"If you need any help, ask one of the ladies. I'll be back to check on you soon."

The white haired woman was off moments later, catching a girl by the arm to seemingly scold, and Elrenia was left alone with the big pot. She stared bleakly at the thing, moving forward to stir it again before tapping the spoon off and hanging it on a nearby hook. This was not what she expected to do, when she asked for a job. It was hardly any better than sitting around in the weyr, doing nothing. The only real difference was that now she didn't have a _choice_ but to sit in one place. Now she didn't have the option of wandering about, trying to find ways to amuse herself.

_Of course this would happen_.

And the lack of curious response reminded her suddenly that Koth was not around to keep her company in her head. She felt a sad sort of disappointment at this, and tried to look on the bright side. Except, right then, there _was_ no bright side. She was officially stuck doing a job that wasn't really a job, and completely alone while doing it.

_Of course this would happen_. Movement out of the corner of her eye distracted her only for as long as it took to reach out and wave a child away, then she was back wallowing in self pity. _I'm always alone. _She waved her hand again. _Never truly trusted_. She laughed when the child stuck his fingers in his mouth to stretch his cheeks and lips out, making a face at her.

The disappointment she initially felt at being put in charge of the big pot of stew faded soon enough, transforming into gratitude that she was allowed to do anything at all as she tried to hide her amusement. And, really, the job wasn't so bad. It kept her occupied, to be sure. She needed to keep stirring, and switching the positioning of the pot to ensure that the food didn't burn. More than once she needed to stop a kid from trying to get a look into the hot pot, had to pretend to be stern when she just wanted to burst out laughing. More than once she needed to shoo a child away.

It almost turned into a game, her glaring at the kids out of the corner of her eyes, snapping her head suddenly to the side when they thought they could pull one over on her. Perhaps, initially, they were trying to cause trouble, but it soon became apparent that they were only playing around with her. They found someone who wasn't yelling or screaming at them and, maybe, they were glad to have some attention. She remembered her little cousins playing such games all the time. She remembered playing those games as well.

Never in her life had she come across a child who wasn't happy to have attention, and the way more and more children were attaching themselves to what was originally just a pair at her station solidified the girl's belief that the little ones were not getting that desired attention elsewhere. She remembered almost fondly the way she'd been prone to acting out when she was too young to be trusted by herself, but was ignored by her siblings. It was never fun getting in trouble for her bad behavior, of course, but it had been a small price to pay. Of course, in retrospect, Elrenia rather wished she'd behaved better as a child. Maybe her mother wouldn't have gone out and gotten sick. Maybe everything wouldn't have gone wrong after that.

_There's no point in dwelling on what could have been._ Because if she did she'd fall into another pit of depression. The kids wanted a little attention, and as they weren't actually preventing her from doing her job she didn't mind giving it to them. There'd been two pregnant queens at once, if she recalled. Likely Gold Ramoth would have laid her eggs as soon as the sands were cleared for her to do so. People were tired. Weyrlings were exhausted. There was extra work to be done everywhere. No one had time for the children. _They must be lonely_. And, after looking about to make sure no one else was watching, she stuck her tongue out at the nearest child.

Right as the kids started laughing a cry rang out suddenly from the side, drawing the attention of every person in the cavern. Surprisingly enough Elrenia was the quickest on her feet, drawn immediately by the keening sounds of a child in pain. A little boy, no taller than her knee, sat clutching his arm and soaked sleeve to his chest, boiling klah tipped over onto the ground beside him.

Seizing the child about the waist the moment she reached him, Elrenia lifted him into her arms and carried him away from the fire, the group of children who'd been playing near her station following like lost wherries. She was able to see the problem long before she was able to pry the child's hand away from his chest, if the steam rising from his shirt sleeve was any indication. Carefully she lifted the fabric over his head, especially careful as she rolled the hot, wet fabric over his arm, reddened from the boiling liquid he accidentally spilled on himself. Immediately he pulled the appendage back to his chest, cradling it like a mother would her child.

"Hush, little one," she murmured, stroking the skin of his uninjured arm to make him relax. She couldn't blame him for screaming his head off, really. He was so little, and probably never felt such pain before. She clearly remembered her first burn, playing with the cooking fire when she was four or five years old. The pain had been immense, foreign, a sensation she never wanted to repeat. And, hopefully, this child would be wiser now that he'd experienced it as well. "Let me see it, darling," she reasoned, "I might be able to make it better."

Whining the whole while, the little boy allowed his hand to be taken and his arm to be extended and examined carefully, managing to ignore all of the other little boys and girls clamoring for a look. The two seated were surrounded by ten children of all shapes and sizes, quiet and surprisingly behaved as Elrenia clicked her tongue and turned the wounded child's hand upside down to check the other side of his arm. It was red with heat, but the girl was pleased to see there were no blisters to be seen.

"It's okay, darling," she assured, kissing the boys cheek softly as his cries dwindled to a whimper. "A little numbweed and—"

"What have I told you about not playing in the kitchen?"

Elrenia was just as shocked as the kids by Manora's sudden angry presence. The entire group stared in horror for a moment before everyone was speaking at once. Everyone was trying to excuse themselves, afraid of getting in trouble, but the Headwoman was good at blaming everyone equally.

"If I've warned you once, I've warned you a million times! You kids come down here and play around, and then cry when you get hurt! The fires are dangerous! You need to learn to listen!"

"But there's nothing to do!" one of the kids cried out in defense, glaring boldly up at the woman as he stomped one foot on the ground. "We can't play below, it's too dangerous. We can't play in the lake because of the dragonets. We can't play in the bowl because there's no one to watch us! We—"

"I can watch them." All eyes were on Elrenia, and somehow she managed to _not_ turn bright red. "I… I can watch them. So… so… they can play outside."

"I couldn't ask you to do that, dear."

"But I—"

"No. Brekke said you need to take it easy. These brats are _not_ easy!"

"I'm sure they can behave."

"They—"

"Right guys?" the girl asked, lips curled into a little grin as the boy with the burned arm snuggled against her shoulder and the other kids nodded carefully. "They'll behave. They're good kids—just a little bored."

"You wouldn't mind doing that?" Manora asked skeptically. "I thought you didn't like people."

"I love kids."

The woman just stared at her for a moment, but nodded her head all the same.

Somehow the nod of approval came as a relief. To be told "yes" to something that she actually wanted—not something she should have been _allowed_ to do. Of course, permission had been given for her to leave the weyr, but that was her freedom. This was different. These kids were not hers, but she was allowed—nay—_trusted_ to care for them. Instantly her heart felt lighter, and she smiled brilliantly at Manora. The old woman blinked in a sort of shock at the sudden show of pleasure.

"Elrenia?"

"Thank you," the girl spoke with a sort of sincerity that made the older woman smile as well. "We will behave splendidly."

"I certainly hope so."

"Come children!"

The kids all ran on ahead, save the little one with the burned arm who was still on Elrenia's lap. She smiled when he looked up at her curiously, settling him firmly in her grip as she stood. "How does it feel, dear?"

Flexing the appendage carefully, the boy said, "It don' hurt no more."

"See?" she laughed. "You only hurt yourself a little is all." In hopes of circumventing any further foolishness, the girl was sure to say, "But I want you to go see the healer anyway. Just in case." Placing the boy on his feet, Elrenia knelt to look him in the eye when she instructed, "Do that, and get a new shirt. Then you can come outside with the rest of us. Okay?"

"Okay."

The little boy scurried off the moment Elrenia let him, and the woman was mildly shocked to see that all of the other children were waiting for her by the opening of the main hall. They were clearly antsy, one or two of them pushing each other playfully to pass the time. But they were waiting. The moment the saw her unburdened and heading in their direction they urged her to move faster, and she was dragged out with one child at each hand. "Come on!" the complainer urged. "Let's go!"

"Calm down," she laughed. "We—"

"We wanna go outside! Come on!"

So she did as she was told.

Getting out of the caverns was easy enough, they moved as one giant mob and everyone else was wise enough to move out of the way. The fresh breeze felt the moment they stepped into the bowl started a sort of riot however. The kids shot off to the four winds in an instant, leaving Elrenia standing, staring in confusion as the group immediately started playing around.

This was not what they were meant to be doing, she was sure. Were they wanted to run about like madmen then they wouldn't have needed an adult to look after them. _I need to put a stop to this_, she thought, but didn't know how to go about seizing control. Back home, one smack to the bottom was all the kids needed to be reminded of their manners, but these weren't her cousins, or her nieces, or her nephews. She had no right to lay a finger on _any_ of them, even if they were acting like monsters.

She watched the childish antics quickly descend to chaos, and wondered if Manora wasn't quietly gloating in the kitchen. Clearly she'd been worried about this happening, hadn't been truly convinced that the kids would behave, but Elrenia didn't listen to her. If only she had.

"Hi," a little voice murmured, and the girl felt a small hand slip into her own. Glancing down revealed the little boy who she'd sent to the healer just moments ago. A little bandage around his wrist, almost covered entirely by the sleeves of his tunic told her that he'd done as he was told. She was surprised he wasn't inclined to rush into the madness as well.

"What…" She didn't know what to do, what to say, and just stared down into the big bright eyes of the child for a moment. "What do you guys usually do about now?"

The little boy shrugged, and while keeping hold of her hand leaned up against her leg. "Nothin' really," he said, rubbing his nose with his free hand.

"But… that can't be," she sighed. "Surely there are… chores, or—"

"Everything's been busy, a'cause of the hatchings and all. They just want us outta the way."

It was startling, to hear such a little thing speak with such clarity. He clearly understood the situation, and was unbothered by it for all intents and purposes. But that didn't cheer her in the least. She didn't like to think that the child was _comfortable_ being ignored. Didn't like the thought that any child could be.

"Oh… I… I see," she murmured, walking the child further away from the entrance to the caverns before she lowered herself to the ground and pulled him into her lap. The movement seemed to catch the attention of all of the other children, whose movements slowed just for a moment. "Well, what do you _want_ to do?"

"Dunno," the little boy murmured, snuggling contently against her chest.

"Something fun!" one boy, the complainer, shouted as he sprinted over to where she sat.

The other children were quick to follow, and Elrenia pegged the boy as the leader of the group. "Yeah! Something fun!" the kids echoed after a moment. "Something fun!"

Able to do little more than stare at the children, the situation quickly descended into chaos again. The kids started to run off again as the girl tried to figure out what could hold their attention. It was already clear that they were nothing like her family, who never would have dared run from their caretaker so boldly. If their behavior wasn't the same, how could she tell what would keep them in one place for an extended period of time? _What do Weyrbrats like?_

What _did_ the people of the Weyr like?

_Dragons_.

"Do… any of you know the story of Moreta's flight?"

The kids stopped running, to Elrenia's great relief, but after a moment of curious stares one laughed, "A'course we do!" and immediately they started to run again.

Fearful of failing at the first true task assigned to her, Elrenia looked about the bowl for a solution. Her idea of telling the kids the story obviously wouldn't work. They didn't want to hear a story they probably knew _better_ than her. Better than her? _They know it better than me_.

The timing was perfect, an opportunity presented lovingly by the universe, as one child scoffed, "Who doesn't know the story of Moreta's flight?"

"I don't."

Every child froze.

"What?"

Shrugging absently, Elrenia repeated, "I don't know the story."

"How can you not know the story?" one of them gasped, dropping immediately to her knees in front of the woman to stare.

"How come no one told you?" another demanded, sitting down as well.

Feeling a rather keen tingle of victory, the girl almost dismissively explained, "My father wasn't very much into the lore of dragonmen."

"Lore?"

"What's lore?"

"It means she thinks Moreta's flight isn't a real story!" the leader proclaimed, sitting amongst his comrades with a look of angry horror. "She doesn't believe it."

"But it's real!"

"Yeah!"

"It's real!"

"Oh?" she breathed, looking around the circle of children. They were all sitting. They were all quiet save some outraged murmuring. They were behaved. _Did I do it?_ "Then why don't you enlighten me? It isn't very fair for all of you to know the story and not me! Tell me!"

A controlled chaos settled over the group suddenly, as they all grew excited at the chance of being Harper for a day, and one asked, "Who d'you wanna tell it?"

"Whichever one of you can tell it best! You guys decide."

The kids grouped together then, giggling and pointing fingers, making demands. They were trying to come to some sort of decision as Elrenia waited patiently, stroking the back of the child in her lap. She didn't mind waiting. She'd let them figure things out, and hope she could keep them distracted until dinner. The debate didn't go on much longer, however, as the tallest of the children stood and cleared her throat.

"Okay," she said, "so this is how it went..."


	21. Chapter 20

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 20**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Enthralled in the story, the children were quick to forget that Elrenia was there at all, but that didn't prevent her from giving them her complete attention. She may have enjoyed the excited way the young girl told Moreta's story, accepting or waving away commentary from her peers. The brunette never once opened her mouth to correct or comment, however, even though she knew the story as well as anyone else. Moreta was a favorite of hers, the selflessness… she could never get over it.

The tale contrasted starkly with the situation she'd found herself trapped in the past month. Where the dragonlady did all she could to protect her people, her world… the selfishness of man disgusted her. Honestly disgusted her, and she hoped against all hope that the children listening, giggling, storytelling before her never knew. She hoped that they would never have to face men as she had. She hoped that they were never hurt, even if it was inevitable in such a world. _There's no safety._

"So you see, she was amazing!" It was a rather anticlimactic ending to what was an exciting, albeit heart wrenching tale, but it was not untrue.

Still, the sun was high in the sky, and Elrenia still needed the children to be calm. She needed them behaved, but with the story over they all started moving at once, prepared to go about their ways. Quick thinking had the question, "But why?" coming from the girl's lips. "Why would she do that?" Maybe she was trying to make the children think, just as much as she was trying to distract them for a little while longer. Either way, she continued on to elaborate, "Why would she risk her own life?"

Without a moment's hesitation, one of the kids answered, "Because she had to."

"She didn't _have_ to," Elrenia said calmly, tilting her head at the group. A dragonrider never _had_ to do anything. This was something the young woman thought the children would know even _better_ than her. _I guess not. _"She could have tried to shift the responsibility on to someone else, but she didn't. She was very brave."

"Very!"

"She was great!"

"I don't think _I_ could've done that," one of the children muttered, staring at the ground as everyone else started whispering.

It was a humble admission. Said, perhaps, in the heat of the moment. And not wishing the situation to turn sour with teasing and talk of cowardice, Elrenia reached forward to touch the little boy's cheek and said, "I couldn't have done it either."

"I could have!" the leader of the children said, a rather smug expression on his face as he crossed his arms.

"You're not so brave!" one of the others exclaimed, glaring. "You couldn't have!"

"I could so!"

"Nuhuh!"

_Well, that backfired._ "Children, there's no need—"

"But he's lying!"

"Am not!"

"Moreta didn't like liars!"

"You don't know that!"

"No one likes liars. Neither did Moreta. You're a liar! She wouldn't have liked you!"

"Enough!" Everyone grew quiet at Elrenia's stern tone and firm expression. "There's no need for this. Maybe Moreta _didn't_ like liars, but you never know what you're capable of until you're faced with a situation. Maybe _all_ of you could have done what she did. Maybe none of you could. You won't ever know until you have to. And we're lucky that we don't have to make such tough decisions every day. Aren't we?"

"Yes, lady."

"Please, call me Elrenia."

There's was silence for another moment, before one of the kids hesitantly offered, "If we don't know what we'd do until we do it, then maybe you would have saved everyone too."

The innocence of the children hurt Elrenia just then, stabbed her in the stomach and stole her air. They didn't know any better, and so she was just as good as them. But she wasn't. She didn't have the honor of the dragonriders, didn't have the innocence of their children. "No dear," the girl said. "I _know_ I couldn't."

"How?"

"Have you tried to save the world?"

"Well, no. Not the—"

"Then you don't know!"

"Maybe you could've, Elrenia. Maybe?"

And with all of those hopeful little eyes staring up at her, the woman couldn't say no. "Maybe." She didn't mean it, but she said it with a smile anyway. "Do you… do you think I could have?"

"Yeah!" No hesitation there. "You could have!"

"Yeah! You could'a done it. Not as good as Moreta, 'cause no one could do it as good as Moreta. But you could'a done it!"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"A'course you could'a done it! You stood up to Manora!"

Elrenia laughed at that, looking skeptically at the child who stood with her hands fisted at her sides. "Oh? I could save the world because I stood up to Manora?"

"Yeah! She's scary when she's mad!"

"And _boy_ was she mad!" the oldest boy exclaimed. "_Real_ mad. She usually uses her quiet angry voice."

"Mmhmm. She's scary when she yells."

"Scary!" cried the boy in her lap, smiling up at her when she laughed and glanced down.

"Good to know that I've passed that test then."

"Did you know Moreta could talk to all dragons?"

"Oh?" Elrenia had not, in fact, been aware of that and tilted her head in curiosity at the child who said it. "No I didn't. I hear that's a very rare gift."

"Yeah, but Lessa can do it too."

"Yeah, and Brekke."

"Brekke?" Elrenia had been aware of Lessa's talent, though she questioned the veracity of the claim for a time, but had not been aware of the healer. Though, in retrospect, it certainly explained quite a bit. Like how the woman _always_ seemed to know exactly what was going on in her and Koth's minds. "If they can talk to dragons, they can hear them too?"

"I guess," the storyteller girl murmured. "I don't see why not."

"Is it only Lessa and Brekke?"

"I think."

"Then—" A heavy gust of wind caught Elrenia's attention just before she swiveled around, barely balanced on one knee in fright as something heavy and warm settled behind her. It took her a moment, as the children all laughed, to realize that a blue dragon had settled quietly on the ground there. He tilted his head curiously when she only stared. "Koth?"

All of the children continued laughing, including the one that she'd moved from her lap to her arms when she tried to get away from the creature. "It's Koth," the little boy confirmed, reaching out when the blue moved his snout forward to be petted.

_I did not mean to frighten you, small one. You were busy._

"When did you get back?"

_Just now. H'val is with the scary one._

"The scary one?"

_Lessa. She is angry._

"Uh oh."

"Uh oh? What's the matter?"

"Lessa's mad," Elrenia explained to the children, trying to pry more information from the blue all the while, but he refused to budge. Instead he closed his eyes, and laid his head down on his feet. "And of course _now_ is the moment Koth decides to be tight lipped."

"Tight lipped?"

"He doesn't want to talk to me."

"Talk… do you talk to dragons too, Elrenia?" one of this kids asked excitedly, and suddenly all of them were clamoring for her attention, pushing and pulling on her arms until finally she turned around to face them again, resting her back against the big creature.

"You're like Lessa?"

"No," she insisted, shaking her head emphatically. "Not even remotely. I can only hear Koth. He… How did you explain it Koth?"

_A dragon can speak to whomever they choose._

"A dragon can talk to anyone they want. I… guess he just likes me."

"Oh…" The children seemed a little disappointed, but there was still the flare of intrigue about them as they looked from the woman to the dragon she was resting against. "So… Koth likes you?"

"Yeah, I… just don't know why. He's sweet."

"All dragons are good."

"Yeah, but Koth is especially."

"How come?"

"He… watches over me. You guys know I'm not from here."

"Yeah, he brought you in, right?"

"Him and H'val, yeah."

"They must'a brought you for a reason."

"Z'den said that too."

"Arlith?"

"Yes…?"

"You talk to him?"

"He… well, he helped to watch over me some of the time, when I first got here. When… I was hurt."

"Ew!" one girl exclaimed. "Z'den?"

"Yes, Z'den," the woman almost laughed at the peculiar behavior. "Is that a problem?"

"He's grouchy!"

"And mean!"

"And he doesn't like people!"

"Not everyone is a people person," Elrenia explained calmly, savoring the feeling of the beast behind her. She felt significantly more secure with him around. "He has a dragon—a good dragon. So he must not be _all_ that bad."

"He doesn't like for us to play though!"

"Watching you guys goofing around before… I can't really blame him," Elrenia explained to a series of gasps. "That's not to say I won't let you guys play. It's just that the way you go about it can really hurt someone. I don't want _anyone_ to get hurt. I'm sure he feels the same way."

"But—"

"No buts." It really was as simple as that. Somewhere between the story of Moreta and their current conversation, Elrenia had seized control of the group. They were listening to her finally. _Good._

_They are good children. Just… with much energy._

Chuckling, Elrenia couldn't help but silently agree, _Tell me about it._

_ Well, there was this one time—_

"It was a figure out speech dear one."

"Elrenia?"

"Oh!" She smiled. "Koth was talking to me. I'm sorry. I… am not used to it."

"He really talks to you?"

"Yes."

"About what?"

"About… well… everything. Usually whatever's on my mind."

"That's so cool. How does it feel?"

"How does… what feel?"

"Having a dragon in your head."

That was an excellent question, and Elrenia settled back as she thought about it, raising a hand to scratch the blue's eyeridge when his bent his neck to rest his head near her. It was an odd feeling, really, to have another voice in her head. But it wasn't a _bad_ odd feeling. "It… it comforts me."

"How?"

"It's good to know that someone is looking out for you all the time. I don't know why he chooses to talk to me, I'm nothing special, but… I'm grateful that he does." She smiled, and all of the kids smiled back in a knowing sort of way. She couldn't pretend to understand the expression, but laughed all the same. "Okay, how ab—"

"Elrenia?"

Every eye shot in the direction of Lessa's voice, including the blue dragon, all staring in wonder and intrigue. Except Elrenia, who simply looked worried. Frightened even. _She's tired of me_, the girl thought frantically, smiling and putting the child in her lap carefully on the ground before standing when the small woman motioned her to follow. _I'm not doing enough, and now she's going to make me leave. I… I knew this was going to happen! Why wasn't I more careful?_

_ Small one?_

_ Damn it! I'm never careful enough! Why—_

"Elrenia, calm down. You're agitating Koth."

Stormy eyes shot back and noticing the swirling purple in the multifaceted gems. He _was_ worried, and she smiled as reassuringly as possible. "It's fine, dear. Just fine. I'll be back." _I hope._

"You _will_ be back," the woman insisted, motioning a rider nearby to the children. "Watch them for a few moments, would you?"

"Of course."

"We'll be right back."

The two women walked across the bowl in silence, Elrenia looking about in confusion, feeling as though every eye was on her. She hated the feeling of being observed. She despised thinking that everyone else knew what was going on, except for her. It was as they were approaching the stairs that led up to the Weyrwoman's quarters that the girl finally couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"Weyrwoman, what—"

"There's a man here to see you."

Elrenia wanted to vomit. Immediately she was overcome with the urge to run as far and as fast as possible, and from across the bowl Koth bugled and stood at her sudden terrified alarm.

_Small one?_

_ I'm fine_.

_H'val says we protect you!_

_ I… I'm okay. If I need you, I'll tell you._

"Is everything okay?" the small Weyrwoman asked, looking back from her place on the staircase that Elrenia was not yet ascending.

"Yes, Lady. Everything is fine."

"Then come."

He found her. _Of course he did, it was only a matter of time. _He found her, and somehow managed to twist the situation so that the Weyr was on his side. His runaway bride. She was in debt to him and owed him something. She was a murderer. He just wanted to protect her. She wasn't safe, and he was the—"Elrenia?"

"Lessa?"

"You keep stalling. Come."

"I… I—"

"If something is wrong, tell me. I can help."

_No one can help_. "I'm fine."

"Then come. It's rude to keep a Harper waiting."

"A… Harper?" _Rilow?_

"H'val says he picked him up while flying back—Koth ate before they left Fort, so they couldn't go _between_. Koth got sick last time they did that. It's a lesson the boy will never forget."

"Flying… from Fort?" It was completely possible that the Harper was from Kelby's Hold, and she kept hoping until the two women entered the room and her suspicions were confirmed. "Rilow!" she cried, rushing forward to hug the man the moment he stood.

Though he hugged her back, there was clearly something wrong. His entire body was tense, like he was waiting to be hit by something. It worried her. Making eye contact only worried her more, for the haunted look in his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

The young man moved her away from the small group of people gathered in the Weyrwoman's chambers, choosing to speak to Elrenia alone while he could. "I… Elrenia I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"There's… I don't know. I sent word to the Lord about the incident, but… there…" Trailing off, the young man rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"Rilow?"

"I started walking here as soon as I received word. H'val was kind enough to pick me up when I past him and Koth in a field. I… they don't believe it."

"Who? Who doesn't believe what?"

"Corman. He doesn't believe what happened at Levic. He… a thirteenth body was found. They said the entire family was dead. The _entire_ family. No one survived, and it was an accident. They say whoever came and talked to me was lying. Accused _me_ of lying."

Heart sinking to the pit of her stomach, the only thing that prevented Elrenia from falling as she swayed was Rilow's hands on her arms. "But that's not true. I… I wasn't—"

"I know you didn't lie, Elrenia," the man assured her. "I _know_ you didn't. Not with the way you spoke to me. No one can make that up."

"Why would he think I was lying?"

"Apparently someone else got to him first, and told him a different story. Told him that there was an accident of sorts."

"That's a lie!"

"I know!" the man insisted, wrapping her in a hug when she looked as though she would cry.

But the girl pushed him again, stamping her foot angrily as she shouted, "This can't happen!"

"Does someone care to explain?"

The girl looked across the room, to where H'val was standing under Z'den's hand with barely suppressed rage, and suddenly realized that she was not alone with her Harper friend. Lessa had taken a seat beside her Weyrmate, the man who spoke. He reached up to brush a clump of hair from his eyes, but did not once look away from her. The critical stare was startling, honestly. She had not spent very much time in his presence, and had yet to fall under his scrutiny. Until now.

"Rilow has told us all he felt he fairly could, but I'd like to hear the situation from you, Elrenia."

"I…" Voice catching in her throat, the girl looked to her Harper for guidance, but all he could do was grip her shoulder.

"It's fine. You have allies here."

_I have no allies._

_Small one, what is wrong? You are angry._

_ He can't get away with this._

_ Who?_

_ The one who…_

"Elrenia?"

"He killed my family." The blunt admission had Lessa's eyes narrowing, dainty looking hand clenching into a fist against her thigh as she watched the girl just as critically as her man was. "Slaughtered them." Her voice stuck in her throat when she blurted it out, and she needed to stare hard at the ground to keep her composure. Normally her tone wasn't so rude, her sentences so clipped, but it was the only way she found she could express herself. "Eight children. My brother. My sisters. My uncle. My aunt. Everyone. He…"

H'val moved out from under Z'den's hand to take the girl into his arms, leading her to an empty chair before her buckling knees could collapse under her. "It's okay," he murmured weakly, kissing her forehead boldly when she tried to shake off the reassurance. "Okay, fine. It's _not_ okay. But we can fix this."

"_How_?"

"Lord Holder Corman wasn't _your_ Lord, right?"

"He wasn't," Rilow confirmed when Elrenia failed to speak.

"You were under Benden. We can still go to Lord Raid. He'll listen."

"But he won't!"

"Why—"

"He didn't even know that we existed!"

"I doubt that," Lessa said, tone cold and angry even as a gentle hand reached out to touch Elrenia's hand.

"This _will_ be resolved," Rilow insisted. "No man can silence a Harper."

"Harpers," Z'den breathed. "Bring the situation to the Harpers. The Lord Holders will not be able to ignore it once that is done."

"This is true," Lessa agreed immediately, and Rilow nodded.

"H'val has already promised to take me to the Harper Hall. I just wanted to warn Elrenia about what was happening before anything else, in case this reached her by other means before I could reach the Master."

"Elrenia should be the one to speak to—"

"No!" Everyone was startled by the outburst, disturbed by the horrified expression on her face. "N-No, I…"

"No? You don't want to take it to the Harpers?"

"No, I… they…"

"They can help," Rilow insisted. "Master Robinton is a great man, he _will_ listen to you. He will not allow this situation to continue as it is."

"I… it…"

_Koth?_

_ I come._

"She's afraid to leave," H'val murmured, that strange expression denoting a dragon conversation on his face. "Koth says she is very afraid. Do… you mind blue company, Lessa?"

"Of course not. Let him come."

Not a moment later Koth was on the ledge, keening as his voice carefully said, _Small one, be calm. What is wrong?_

_ They don't believe me._

Lessa held one of Elrenia's hands firmly then, moving to look into her eyes as she said, "I believe you." It was as simple as that.

"_We_ believe you," F'lar spoke with a deceptive calm. Where Lessa was fiery with rage, he was levelheaded. Not pleased. Not in the least. As far as the girl could tell he was just as angry as his woman, but decidedly less showy about it. "We will go to Robinton. We can bring him here, if you feel safer in the Weyr. He will hear your story, and from there we will decide how to proceed."

"But—"

"No buts," Lessa snapped. "This _cannot_ be allowed to continue. Why was your family killed?" The question was startling, and Elrenia's throat went dry. "Was it the land? If you believe your Lord Holder doesn't think you exist… just a Cothold then? Small? Arable land?"

"The land was worthless," she murmured. "Infected by thread some years back. It… just wasn't the same after that."

"Then maybe not for crop growing. Something else. What did your land—"

"Lessa," F'lar soothed, reaching out to his woman. "Give the girl a moment. She's overwhelmed."

"We can't allow Fax to happen again!"

"Fax?"

_Everyone_ looked at her. But it was Z'den who took a deep breath and said, "I understand that, being so far from a major Hold you were often without knowledge of current events, but _please_ tell me you know who Fax was."

"I… I do. He… he was hungry for power though." _He_ was not hungry for power. Not like Fax had been. He was not hungry to extend his living space. He just, for some mysterious reason, wanted _her_. Not power. Just… just her. "Wasn't he?"

"Yes," Lessa confirmed, murder in her eyes. "He wanted everything he could get his hands on, whether it was rightfully his or not."

_That_ sounded like him. He wanted what wasn't his.

"Do you know of Ruatha, Elrenia?" Lessa asked.

"Yes, Weyrwoman." That is, if the woman was referring to what she thought she was. "The… the massacre?"

"Yes." The woman's eyes narrowed further. "It _cannot_ be allowed to happen again."

Lessa was right, and Elrenia knew it even if she didn't want to think about pursuing the situation. She'd have to talk to Robinton, would have to talk to Lord Holder Raid, would… she'd have to talk to people. And, if he was caught, she'd have to face him again. The thought made her feel sick, but she had to do it. She needed to avenge her family as best she could, make good on her failure to protect them. If there was anything in her power that she could do to prevent another family, another girl from falling victim to this man… "I…" Maybe in this way she could do Moreta proud. She had not been able to save her family where the woman had saved an entire people, but maybe, _just maybe_, she could prevent worse from happening. "I must speak to the Masterharper."

"That's more like it, child."

"I just… I don't…"

"I will pick him up, and bring him here _personally_," F'lar said, standing not a second later. "We will get him immediately, he owes us a visit as it were."

The Weyrleader walked out with Rilow close behind him, leaving Elrenia to the mercy of a fuming Lessa and two of her underlings. Z'den, however, was quick to take hold of the situation, stepping forward to touch Elrenia's shoulder for attention. "Would you like to go back to the children?"

"I…"

Honestly, she did. She'd been very calm, very happy when she was with them. They'd been a real pleasure to her, a simple pleasure. Their innocent happiness… it was a dose of humanity that she needed. And she wanted more. It was selfish, but it was true.

"It's okay to want to" Z'den assured almost gently, and Lessa's raised eyebrow was not lost on the girl. "They… can be quite disarming sometimes. And dinner will be served soon anyway. It would be best if they were with someone they actually listen to."

H'val didn't say a word, didn't even look at her when she glanced up for his opinion, and so she nodded her head and excused herself. The trip back to the bowl, where the children were running about like monsters as one poor blue rider tried to keep things under control, felt like a lifetime. _Is he mad at me, Koth?_

_ Small one?_

_ Is H'val mad at me?_

_ No. _

_ What's wrong then?_

Once more Koth got very quiet, unwilling to share information, and the girl knew it was useless to pursue. Especially when the children noticed her and all rushed over. A million questions were asked at once, none of which she could truthfully answer, and so she just smiled and waved a dismissive hand. "The Weyrwoman just wanted to speak to me about something."

"She looked mad."

"I… she wasn't mad at me."

"You're not in trouble?"

"No, dear."

"Okay."

Silence, then, "Can Koth come back?"

"Oh?" She couldn't help but smile, feeling her spirits lift just a little. "So you're using me for the dragon?"

"Yup!"

The girl laughed at the forthrightness of the child, but calmly requested that Koth grace them with his presence, which he did without any hesitation. _Do you mind if they pet you?_

_ Not at all, small one._

"Go ahead. He likes to be scratched right here, above his eye."

"Yay!"

_Their hands are awfully small._

_ They're children._

_ Your hands are not so small._

_ I'm __**not**__ a child._

_ But you think like them._

The comment caused the girl pause, and she looked up in confusion just for a moment. Leaning against the beast's flank as the kids calmly waited their turns to scratch his eyeridge, she pondered, _How do you mean?_ She, in no way, thought like a child. Did he think she was foolish?

_You love me._

_Oh?_

_I do not understand it either._

_._

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_Kudos to leavesfallingup for catching a spelling error. Many thanks =3_


	22. Chapter 21

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 21**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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"Supper!"

Elrenia brought all of the children back inside, leading them tentatively down to the great hall where dinner was served. Unsure of the route there, she was pleased when her little helper, the small boy with the burned arm, took her hand and took the lead himself. It meant she didn't need to worry about leading them to oblivion somehow.

As though that could happen in a Weyr.

"So you monsters actually behaved?" an older woman murmured, scooping one of the boys up to kiss. "I'm shocked."

"Be nice gramma. Elrenia was fun."

"She didn't know Moreta's story!"

"Oh didn't she?" Giving the brunette a knowing look, the old woman waved her off kindly. "You did a good job, dear. I'll take the kids from here. H'val said to send you over to him if we saw you. He's at the table over there."

The thought of sitting with the dragonriders made her suddenly anxious, but she headed in the direction she was pointed nonetheless. _Am I allowed to sit here?_ she wondered as she moved past a group of men congregating at a table, one of whom tilted his head at her in greeting. She froze for just a second, unsure of how to react to the motion, and ended up blushing and ducking away, continuing on her search for the blue rider amid the laughter of the now confused rider's friends.

"Ah, she's a shy one," the girl heard some man say, and wished that the floor would open and swallow her whole. Why was she the newcomer? Why was she the center of all conversation? Why was she—

"Elrenia!" Looking up, the girl was relieved to see Mirah's blonde head peeking past a group of passing kitchen workers. "Over here, dear. Are you feeling well? You're flushed."

"I… I'm fine. I…" Glancing back at the still laughing group of men she only barely whispered, "He…"

"He what?" Mirah sounded fierce, hands clenching into fists as she glared at the group that abruptly stopped laughing. "I can break his legs—"

"No!" Several people looked over at the shout, and Elrenia blushed harder. "He… he just… he… nodded at me."

"Oh…" Elrenia found her hand encased in Mirah's as she was led to a table not a few feet in the distance. "He was just saying good day. Nothing to worry about."

"Ah! There you are, Elrenia!"

"H'val, you look better."

"Better?"

"You… looked upset before."

"Oh…" For a moment his face dropped completely, but immediately he was beaming at her in typical H'val fashion. "I'm okay. Sit. The roast smells extra delicious today."

The boy was absolutely right about that, the aromas wafting through the area were nothing short of enticing, and Elrenia felt her stomach start to rumble long before Mirah sent her a mildly amused look. "Sit," the blonde urged, pulling her to sit on the bench between H'val and where she was settling herself. "It was your first day of work, and it went well! I think we should celebrate!"

"Celebrate?" the girl laughed. "Half the time I was in the Weyrwoman's chambers."

"Yeah, I heard something about that."

"You… you did?"

"Some of the girls saw you go up, they've been whispering of course."

"Oh…" Elrenia wasn't sure how to take this, though she _knew_ she didn't like the idea of rumors going around about her… again. "What… what are they saying?"

"There was some talk that maybe Lessa was asking you to stand as a candidate, you know, since Koth and Arlith like you so much and all."

"Oh!" That wasn't nearly as bad as the brunette feared, and so she smiled shyly at Mirah when another odd look was shot her way.

"But… an official announcement would have been made by now… right?"

"Hum? I don't know. I've… never… I… the Hatching I fainted at was my first."

"She… _would_ have announced it."

"Mirah," H'val spoke softly, touching the girl's arm, "Lessa _didn't_ ask her. I was there."

"Oh! Good."

Elrenia's stomach dropped. Mirah… didn't want her to be a candidate? The thought had never even crossed the girl's mind, honestly, but to think that the kindly blonde didn't _want_ her to have a dragon. It made her feel a little sick, to think that she'd completely misjudged the girl.

"I hate to be out of the loop."

The simple words should have ended Elrenia's concern, but she couldn't help tentatively asking, "Do you… do you think I'd… I'd make a good… a good candidate?"

"Hum?"

"Would I… if Lessa asked me… would I be good?"

"Well, the dragons all seem to like you well enough," the queenrider murmured thoughtfully. "That's always a good thing. Mnementh doesn't snap at you when you go up to Lessa's—"

"I've been there once, and he wasn't there."

"Oh?"

"I… at least I don't think he was."

"You failed to notice a giant Bronze?"

"I was afraid Lessa was going to kick me out."

It was a sobering comment, and Elrenia honestly couldn't believe she said it. She hadn't _meant _to say it out loud, didn't want to mar Lessa's image in such a way. Mirah reached out to touch her hand suddenly, and she almost flinched away. The blonde, however, would not relinquish her grip as she whispered, "She would _never_ do that. I wouldn't let her."

The words were a salve for the girl's soul, and she smiled sweetly at her friend. Mirah was her friend. Mirah would help her as best she could, just like H'val. Elrenia had at least two allies, not counting their dragons, and this knowledge helped her settle more comfortably into her seat. It certainly didn't help that the little blonde was a Queenrider, and no one would ever do anything to hurt her or her dragon. By association, the brunette may have been the safest person in the entire Weyr, not counting the Weyrwoman.

_Safe._

From across the room she spotted Z'den leaning over, talking calmly to F'nor who was nodding his head in response to whatever was happening. Lessa was sitting up front, staring almost forlornly at the entrance to the dining hall, probably waiting for her Weyrmate to return. It occurred to her then that the Weyrleader might have actually gone out to fetch the Masterharper as promised. _Of course he did. He said he would. He's a man of his word. He has to be_. That meant the mildly infamous, extremely well loved and respected Robinton might have been on his way, prepared to fix everything. If _anyone_ could fix things, surely it was him.

Elrenia had never actually met the man herself, but she'd never heard a foul word spoken of him. His ears and his eyes extended to every shore of Pern, nothing ever happened without him knowing about it, it seemed. A story passed from her brother told him to be a gracious man, even around those lesser than him, with excellent taste in wine.

Anyone who had the respect of her eldest brother was certainly worthy of her own. Robinton _could_ help her. Robinton **would **help her! He just needed to arrive and be debriefed. Maybe, just maybe, her situation _was_ salvageable. Maybe she didn't need to spend the rest of her life terrified for herself and everyone around her. Maybe—

"Elrenia?"

Looking up sharply, the girl was shocked to find hands covering her fists. H'val was staring carefully at her, head tipped just slightly so he could see into her face. But it was Mirah who spoke her name, Mirah who wrapped a comforting arm around her waist. It was as though the two of them knew what was on her mind. But they couldn't possibly.

"Don't think about it," H'val ordered, standing up and releasing her hands. She hadn't realized she'd clenched them so tightly, but they ached when she unfurled them. The nail of her pinky had dug into her palm, releasing just a small drop of blood. Just enough to knock her back to her senses. "Don't think about it now, okay? Soon. Not now."

Leaving Mirah and Elrenia alone with that quiet demand, the boy walked right up to Lessa to the brunette's dismay and horror. "What is he doing?"

"Talking to the Weyrwoman," Mirah explained casually. "Darling, unclench your fists again. What's wrong?"

"Why is he talking to her?"

"I don't know. Believe it or not, she's a nice lady. Maybe he's just greeting her." Elrenia quirked an eyebrow, and Mirah laughed. "Okay, that's a silly explanation. But don't _worry_. Everything is going to be just fine."

"You don't know that!"

"And you don't know that it isn't."

This was true, and the girl could only stare in response. _She_ didn't know things were bad. There was no absolute truth. She could only choose to believe the best or the worst. It wasn't so hard, she always used to before! Never truly an optimist, the girl had always managed to remain moderately hopeful in the past. Was it really so hard to do that now? Now that she finally _had_ hope? Now that there was a _chance_ for the tides to turn in her favor?

_Small one?_

_ Is it okay for me to be hopeful?_

_ Yes._

_ Am I allowed to be?_

_ Yes! Who would stop you?_

_ The world._

_ Then I will tell the world to leave you alone. You should be hopeful. H'val does not like for you to not be._

Unable to help a smile at this, Elrenia nodded her head. "You're right."

"I'm right?" Mirah blinked in confusion for a moment before clearing her throat and more firmly stating, "Yes. I'm right. I'm always right."

"Always."

Making eye contact, the girls laughed heartily. And returning with food and a look of determination, H'val sat next to Elrenia once more, urging her to feast. "I got the best cuts," he explained with a grin. "F'nor is quite unhappy that my underhanded technique outdoes _his_ underhanded technique."

"Oh?" Mirah laughed.

"He sneaks. I pout and promise Manora favors."

Elrenia couldn't help laughing at this, murmuring, "I didn't know Manora could be bought."

"I promised to help with the kids when I could."

"I see. Sneaky," Elrenia agreed, cutting a bit of meat to chew.

"Underhanded."

"That too."

The three ate in complete silence for a while then, content with their herdbeast and seasoned tubers. Everything was perfectly cooked, and Elrenia couldn't believe how much she missed real food. Brekke had kept her on broth and soups for what felt like forever, and suddenly she was grateful for her slice of meat in a way she didn't know was possible.

But when Lessa stood and left the room abruptly, the mood changed. H'val tensed at Elrenia's side, and Mirah briefly touched her hand, though she seemed otherwise unaffected. They both clearly knew something that Elrenia did not, everyone seemed to know something she did not as Brekke and F'nor both glanced back at her.

Terrified suddenly, Elrenia wanted to simultaneously be informed and hide _between_. She wanted to climb under the table and hide there like a child. She wanted to know why H'val seemed suddenly agitated, and why Mirah kept touching her.

Before she could stew on the matter for much longer, the gentle voice pushed the words, _Small on, he is here,_ into her mind.

_Who?_

_ Robinton._

Breath caught in Elrenia's throat at the announcement, and she found that H'val was staring at her cautiously. Gauging. Trying to see what she was feeling. When he looked away unenlightened she figured he couldn't read her. But, after a moment, he touched her hand again. "Are you done eating?"

The girl had only eaten half of her serving, but nodded her head in confirmation, apetite completely gone. Souring in her fluttering stomach, the food she'd managed to consume threatened to revolt. He was here. The Masterharper was there, waiting to hear her story. He'd believe her—_He might not_—he _**would**_ believe her! Harpers could _hear_ the truth. They could see it. Feel it. Sense it. They _knew_. He'd know. He'd believe her. He'd help her. _He has to_.

"They want you up there," H'val murmured, holding her hand tightly now. "They've got Robinton settled, and he knows parts of the story. They want you to talk to him now."

Simply nodding her head when breathlessness made speaking impossible, Elrenia found herself being led from the hall and up to the Weyrwoman's chambers for the inevitable meeting. More than once she froze in place, incapable of taking a step closer to the future. This was her future. She'd been trapped in the ashes of her family massacre for near a month, moving perpetually in a circle. Every time she'd gotten better she immediately got worse again. One step forward led to a thousand steps back. For a month she'd been trapped in that feeling of all encompassing pain and horror, and she didn't know what lay ahead for her.

"Elrenia?"

But she had to do it.

"Elrenia?"

Flinching away from the gentle hand on her face, Elrenia was shocked by the flash of hurt in H'val's eyes. He shook it off quick enough, but she'd seen it all the same. And she couldn't forget it as he nodded carefully toward the room. "Do you want me to go in with you?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation as she said this, and suddenly there was another look on H'val's face, a mild quirking of his lips when he realized that he was wanted. "Please don't make me go alone." She didn't even realized she was talking until the words were filling the air, and found she couldn't stop herself. "I… I can't go in alone. I can't. I _won't_. I'm—"

"Shh…" It was a soothing sound, and carefully H'val was raising his hand to stroke her cheek again, pleased when she didn't flinch from the touch this time. "You don't have to do _anything_ alone. I'm here. I'm with you."

They stared at one another, and before either of them knew exactly what was happening, her face was pressed into his neck, and his arms were wrapped securely around her. It was, by far, one of the _least_ sexualized hugs she'd ever experienced, as she just breathed his scent. It was becoming familiar. He smelled of dragon, and leather, and safety as he rubbed her back. She took several deep breathes specifically to calm herself, and several more to ensure herself that he was there. It wasn't until someone nearby cleared their throat that the two realized they were embracing in the middle of the corridor.

"F'lar," H'val coughed, moving to take the girl's hand into his own as he released her.

"We're waiting for you," the man spoke briefly, but not unkindly.

"Sorry," H'val laughed. "We're—"

"Not you, H'val. Her. You're going back down to dinner. Thank you for bringing her up."

F'lar may have spoken in a tone that brooked no argument, but that didn't seem to deter H'val in the least as he said, "It wasn't a problem. But I'm not going."

Gasping audibly as the boy defied his Weyrleader, Elrenia's eyes shot to F'lar when he sighed and explained, "We're _all_ going. She and Robinton—"

"She doesn't _know_ Robinton."

"She can trust him."

"_I _know she can, but that should be her choice to make!"

As the disagreement progressed, F'lar kept his voice level, but H'val kept getting louder as the Weyrleader insisted on disagreeing with him. Pulling away from H'val and pushing herself against the wall as H'val got more and more animated, Elrenia tried to pretend she was somewhere else. She hated that they were fighting because of her. She hated that her feeble attempts to intervene were so useless. Hated that she was feeble. Hated that she was useless.

And a sudden hand on her shoulder made her jump, but the voice that murmured, "You must be Elrenia," soothed her. His baritone was just deeper than her father's had been, but smooth and calm. "Perhaps," he called, keeping his hand gently beside Elrenia's neck, "We should ask the lady what she would like."

Looking up sharply, F'lar nodded at her expectantly. "Elrenia?"

"I…" What was she supposed to say? Was she supposed to go against the Weyrleader and gain his ire? Was she supposed to tell H'val to leave and hurt him? The boy was holding both of her hands before she realized she was clenching them into fists again, and still she couldn't answer.

"Dear," the hand on her shoulder squeezed comfortingly. "Don't be frightened. He can stay if you would like him to. This decision is entirely yours." And when, a moment later, she still hadn't found her voice the man specifically asked, "Would you like him to stay with you?" She may not have been able to bring herself to speak, but she _could_ nod. And so they were both being led in. "So he will stay."

More than happy to fall into the seat she was brought to, Elrenia just stared at the older man, hair white and wrinkles deepening with age, with a twinkle in his eye that belied all of this. No, Robinton, Masterharper of Pern, was _not_ old. He was still just a boy, intrigued by everything and adventurous to a fault.

But as he sat across from the haunted young woman, asking if she preferred that F'lar and Lessa stay or go, a slight variation of his first question that required her to actually speak, he had the eyes of a Wiseman. There was no guesswork here. His words, his questions, even his movements were specifically designed to carefully extract the girl from her shell. His intentions were revealed when the tactic actually worked, and Elrenia shifted in her seat selfconsciously as she said, "I… I don't mind if they stay." She didn't _want_ them to, but she couldn't very well kick them from their own Weyr, even _with_ their permission!

F'lar smiled almost casually though, wrapping an arm distinctly about Lessa's shoulders as he said, "Well, I haven't eaten yet, and I gather my dearest Lessa hasn't either. So, with your permission Elrenia, we'll leave you and the Masterharper to speak."

"O-of course." Could her luck really be so good? Could F'lar really be so kind? She flashed him a smile to convey her gratitude if he was in fact leaving on purpose.

The obvious wink to Robinton and the way he literally dragged Lessa from the room demonstrated his objective clearly, to give the shy, nervous girl as much privacy as possible when she retold her story. It was a kindness that she clearly didn't deserve, but was being granted anyway, and for this she looked at her lap and smiled. When they left, she breathed a sigh of relief, and immediately berated herself for doing so.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, looking frantically between the two men to see how much they disapproved. "I-I didn't mean to be rude!"

But H'val touched her arm softly, and Robinton was laughing with his eyes as he said, "No need to worry, dear. I often breathe a sigh when Lessa leaves as well. Her personality is… overwhelming at times."

"To say the least," H'val agreed with a grin.

It took a moment, but a sort of calm passed over the girl as the men exchanged jovial banter. She would have expected to be very nervous, meeting the Masterhaper for the first time. Such an amazing, important man was to be given the utmost respect, but H'val was completely at ease. They both seemed to be enjoying themselves easily enough as she gathered herself.

They weren't mad, H'val was her friend, Robinton was a good man, there was a blue dragon waiting to be petted, and… she was safe. It was okay. _She_ was okay. Sort of. As okay as she could be given the circumstances.

"I am told that you're living here in the Weyr, Elrenia."

This was not how Elrenia expected her conversation with the Masterharper to begin, and for a moment she could only blink at the man with an expression that implied she wasn't actually sure how true this was herself. Then, when she realized that the remark really was straight forward, she nodded and murmured, "Yes, Masterharper." Then, when she felt it would be rude to only answer so blandly, she elaborated, "I've been living here for near a month."

"It's quite wonderful here, is it not?"

"Yes, sir." Where was he going with this? Wasn't he brought here to discuss her situation? "Quite."

"Have you had any of the Benden Red yet?"

"No, Masterharper. I was sick for a fortnight, and recovering since. I'm afraid I haven't sampled much more than their fine broth and fellis juice."

"Oh, I see. Not one for wine?"

_How did he know that? _She hadn't even _hinted_ that she didn't enjoy wine. In fact, the girl hadn't so much as mentioned it in passing to _anyone_! But still, she forced herself to stop gaping, and said, "I'm not one for anything that can make me forget the things I said while I was drinking it."

"Yes, well," the man laughed, "a wise position to have. Though, I find, that's what limits are for."

"Limits only help so much. You set them, and drink, and your inhibitions slacken, and next thing you know you're playing the 'just one more' game until you aren't wearing any pants, and are trying to dance with wherries."

"Experience?"

"An uncle of mine. He passed away from it years ago."

"Do I take it you don't drink then?"

"Not a drop."

"I say!" He exclaimed with feigned awe. "What _is_ your secret?"

Laughing in response to the mans tone, Elrenia simply said, "Self control." Then, just a moment later she muttered, "Also a lack of funds. Why waste good money to burn a hole in my gut with cheap liquor?"

"Excellent logic! This one here," the man indicated a suddenly embarrassed and outraged H'val with one hand, "had been spotted at Gathers drinking himself sick with the boys."

"H'val?"

"It was just once! And it was a bet!"

"Of course it was," the man said with a twinkle in his eyes. "Do you enjoy wine, H'val?"

"A little, when I can get some," he admitted, almost jealously staring at the older man's cup. Elrenia only then noticed that the Masterharper had been slowly sipping wine since the moment he sat.

"Would you like a glass?"

"From the Weyrleader's private stash?" For a second it looked as though the boy would refuse on shocked and outraged principle, but he soon laughed and exclaimed, "Would I ever!"

The aging Harper never seemed to be without a smile, and he poured the blue rider a generous glass of the beautifully colored liquid, demanding that he savor the bouquet rather than chugging it like some cheap ale. It was only after H'val was sipping it properly that Robinton turned his eternally happy eyes to Elrenia and asked, "Would you like just a taste?"

Intending to say no, the girl stared incredulously at the extended but empty glass. It was a gracious offer however, especially considering the infamy of the Masterharper's love for Benden Red. She'd heard more than one story of the man emptying an entire wineskin by himself, but he was kindly offering to share his bottle. _When_, a little voice in the back of her mind reasoned, _will you ever get a chance like this again? When will you again be asked to sample excellent wine with the __**Masterharper of Pern**__?_

It _was_ true. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity for one such as herself, and so, hesitantly she took the cup. "A-all right."

"Just a sip," Robinton promised, pouring just a splash into her glass, smiling at the look of surprise on her face when she tasted it. "Well?"

"It's… it's almost sweet! But… tart? I… I don't know."

"You sound surprised."

"Is it supposed to taste like this?"

"It's fruit, dear."

"I didn't know that."

"Would you like a glass?"

The urge to say no was immense, but with that disarming smile and carefully extended arm… she couldn't. Elrenia nodded and found herself drinking good Benden Red with a Masterharper and dragonrider as if she was a person that was actually worth something. And maybe, _just maybe_, she was.

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_findmywaybacktoyou, thank you so much. Your review made my day =3_

_Once more, thanks to leavesfallingup for catching a mistake in the last chapter._

_I only hope I did Robinton justice in this one, and will continue to do so. Speaking of which, I simply picked baritone for his voice as I couldn't remember if it actually stated such a detail in any of the books, but he was always a baritone in my mind's eye. If anyone has information to the contrary, **please** tell me so I can fix it._


	23. Chapter 22

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 22**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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The wine seemed to calm her, and the humorous turn of the conversation put her at ease. It was easy to listen to Robinton talk, the steady rhythm of his voice soothing her as she laughed heartily at the story being told. If someone had told Elrenia that a month after the slaughter of her family she would be sitting, drinking wine with the Masterharper of Pern in the Benden Weyrwoman's chambers she would have laughed in their face. And yet, there she was. Feeling truly _okay_ for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. She was okay.

"Oh yes," Robinton smiled, reaching up to caress his bronze fire lizard's flank. The little guy fascinated the girl, as she reached forward when prompted to touch him. He was oddly soft, considering the almost leathery skin. "Little Zair always seems to be getting into trouble like that, whenever he has the slightest notion that I am not at my best. But he is the sweetest creature. Not unlike his dragon kin."

"Yes," she agreed, grinning foolishly when one of the many faceted eyes seemed to sparkle at her, eyelids slowly drawing over them as the creature started to doze on the Masterharper's shoulder. "He certainly looks to be the sweetest thing."

"Did either of you have someone like Zair when you were children? A runner that you particularly liked, perhaps?"

"Morningstar," H'val offered up almost immediately, as enthralled by the conversation as Elrenia was. "She was my favorite. It was… as though she always knew what I was thinking. Not like Koth does, of course. No one could ever match Koth, but for a kid… Morningstar was special. I raised her from a foal. She was my first ever runner. Then, of course, I got Koth."

The look on the boys face was touching, and Elrenia took a moment to just smile at it. She'd never actually understood how much a rider loved his beast before. Of course the Weyrfolk held a certain regard for the dragons, but to experience exactly how much respect and love they had for the creatures was incredible.

"We only had one runner," Elrenia spoke after a moment, quietly but not so hesitant to speak anymore as she took another sip of her wine. "An old mare with a gimpy hind leg. But…" Then she hesitated, shaking her head dimly before she muttered, "I gather she's dead now. Back home."

Hand being taken into the grasp of her blue riding friend, Elrenia gazed up at the Masterharper sadly when he murmured, "I see. Why would you think that, dear?"

"She was in the stables… during the fire. It… it had already spread to the field so… poor thing never stood a chance."

"I'm very sorry."

"My family's dead too." She should have been crying, talking about them. She should have been halting and upset, but no. Never having experienced the wonders of alcohol firsthand, the glass of wine loosened her lips and soothed her frayed nerves just enough. "All of them." The liquor worked impossibly well, but surely having never drank a drop in her life… "My sister—the one who wasn't killed years ago—brought her kids. So did my brother. And aunt. They… it was the first time I met Elanor. She was… she was just short of three turns. We were going to celebrate her birthday early so I could… so I could be there for once. But they're gone now. They're gone, and I'm here."

"How did you get away dear? From the fire?"

"I wasn't there when it started. I'd gone to meet a neighbor."

"Oh?"

"He… stupid _bastard_!" Her composure broke, just for a moment, as she nearly hurled her glass across the room. "He'd been trying to court me, you know? His stupid, twisted, sick version of courting. He—" Voice cracking, Elrenia lifted her hand to cover her mouth when she cleared her throat, revealing a wetness to her cheeks she hadn't realized was there. She _was_ crying. Quietly. "I'd told him… if… if he could convince my uncle, you see when my father died he became my family head… if he could convince him then I'd marry him."

"You mean you didn't want to?"

"He was a horrible, slimy little man!" The emphatic words startled a flinch out of H'val as Robinton simply listened with a sympathetic ear. "I saw him kick a runner once, you know? Poor thing didn't do anything to deserve the treatment, but he kicked him. He liked kicking things. A lot. Runners. Wherries… People." And her ribs hurt in a sort of remembered pain as it occurred to her that she was rambling, though she wasn't much of a rambler. It was a habit her mother had always hated, and so she'd tried to focus her speech ever since she was a small child, a training that was currently failing her as she lifted her suddenly empty wine glass to her lips.

She was saddened, ever so slightly, by her lack of wine, but figure it was for the best. If she was losing her head after a single glass, she hated to think what a second would do to her.

"What can you tell me about this neighbor?"

"I… he…"

"What was he called?"

Freezing at the question, voice catching in her throat before she could speak a syllable, Elrenia wasn't sure how to proceed. His name, she found, could not be spoken even as she screamed and cursed it in her mind. The thought of him turned the wine sour in her stomach, but she managed to stop herself from being violently ill as she raised her glass and took a gulp of the wine. Wine that had not been in her glass a moment ago, and she looked up oddly at the Masterharper. Discreetly, it seemed, he'd been refilling her cup for some time. And for lack of anything better to say, she asked, "Are you… are you trying to get me _drunk_?"

The man only smiled kindly, and refilled his own cup with the quickly emptying bottle. "I figure," he murmured as the girl waited patiently, "that if you _must_ retell a story such as this in _all_ of its details, you need not remember reliving it." With such a perfect explanation, the woman simply took another sip. "Can you tell me his name?"

"He called for me," she avoided his question blatantly, "under the guise of setting a time to meet my uncle. Demanded I marry him again. Said, 'That's too bad' when I told him not without my uncle's permission. So I asked, 'What do you mean?' and so he said, 'That's too bad you don't have an uncle!' And I said, 'Yes I do!'" She took another sip. "'Not anymore!' he says. Then I see the smoke."

"So he didn't actually set the fire?"

"Not with his own hands. He had his men do it instead. Coward." Nearly dropping her glass as she raised her hands to rub her eyes, Elrenia took a deep, shaky breath. Even unable to form truly coherent thoughts, it was difficult for her to tell this story. She hated herself, but H'val hands were over hers when she took to scratching her arms. He stroked her wrists gently when she groaned, crying out, "I ran back!" Her voice cracked as she tried to excuse herself as an accomplice to the crime, but crying children in her head would not let her. "I ran as fast as I could, but… but it was too late!"

And she was back on top of the Tall Hill, eyes wide and burning from the smoke that horrified her. Once more hands were on her waist, throwing her to the floor, pulling at her tunic. Lips were on her neck, on her chest. Fingers were wiggling under the waist of her leggings, and she was knocked from the memory by a hand on her cheek.

Through blurry eyes she saw Robinton leaning forward, touching her, comforting her even though he was better than her. He didn't need to. His job was to listen to the story and evaluate the situation. He—

Sobbing, a wet hiccupping sound that bubbled from her throat with water, Elrenia tried to hide from the great man's calculated stare. Robinton nodded his head vaguely, and she was being held by the blue rider, blurting out, "He doesn't believe me!"

She hardly believed she'd voiced the concern when a hand was cupping her cheek, her father's voice assuring her, "Don't fret child. Don't fret. I _do_ believe you."

The voice spoke to her further, but none of what was said truly registered. A mind fogged by alcohol and pain prevented comprehension in a way that was not entirely unexpected, but mildly inconvenient. While the wine had done its job well enough, getting the girl to talk, they needed her sober if any real discussion was to happen. And, until they could identify and locate the neighbor in question, they needed to work quickly.

Elrenia needed to sober up, fast.

It was with all the delicacy of a miner carrying a sack of iron that the girl was dumped into the Weyrwoman's bathing pool, but the sudden submergence broke her from her hysteria abruptly. Sputtering she resurfaced with a glare on her face and a curse on her lips, and was pulled from the water by hands that never once left her while she was under water and out into the cold wind on the outer ledge before she could so much as complain. The large bronze dragon sitting there glanced at the duo briefly, but closed his eyes not long after her ascertained that they posed no threat to his people.

"Just breathe," H'val murmured, hugging her from behind when she swayed on her feet. "Just breathe. Everything will be just fine."

"But he… he…"

"He _does_ believe you, Elrenia. He said so himself. Robinton would not lie."

"But—"

"No buts." The boy sunk to the ground as he said it, dragging the girl to sit down in front of him. "We will find a way to fix this. Robinton believes you, and really his is the only opinion in the _world_ that you have to secure. He knows the truth, so we'll find a way to resolve this."

"I want his blood," the words came out on a sort of sob as the girl wrapped her arms around her knees, spotting a blue dragon hovering not far from the ledge. Koth. Waiting for permission to land. He left out a soft croon, answered by the big bronze not so far away, and soon landed mere feet from the sitting couple. "And I shouldn't. It's… does that make me a bad person? To want him dead?"

"I'd want him dead too. I _do_ want him dead, and he didn't do anything to me!"

"I want him dead in the worst way, but you're not supposed to wish people harm."

"Hush, Elrenia."

"I'm so horrible. That's why they died. I couldn't protect them. I knew this would happen!"

"You couldn't have—"

"I _did_! He _told_ me!"

"He said he'd kill your family?"

"He said that if I said no, bad things would happen."

"You couldn't have—"

"I _should_ have known."

"Elrenia!" The girl flinched and pulled away from the blue rider, looking back at him as he rubbed his eyes. "I… I'm sorry. But… shards, Elrenia, you need to stop this."

He was right.

"I don't know _how_." Taking a shuddering breath, the girl stared off into the distance as Koth reached out to nudge her leg. "Every time… every time things start to feel okay again I… he's there. In my head. And… and all I can hear are the little ones screaming, and crying, and… and _burning_. And I can't help them. I couldn't help them. Why couldn't I save them?"

Drawn into the blue rider's arms again, Elrenia allowed herself to be rocked, comforted. Neither spoke a word, because both knew there was nothing that could be said. What happened to the girl, a month before, was something not easily communicated. She was in pain, incomprehensible pain, and the best he could hope to do was be there for her. And he completed that task spectacularly.

The bronze dragon off to the side, introduced to her gently by Koth as Mnementh, paid the two little mind, but seemed to turn his head away from them to offer a sort of privacy until Elrenia was finally able to pull herself out of the young man's grasp. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

"S'okay. I don't mind. Quite… quite frankly it's _good_ to see you cry."

"What?" She was startled. "Why?"

"It means you're coping."

It took a moment, but the girl accepted this answer, moving further away from the boy as he stretched his arms and lay back on the rocky ledge. "Tell me if you get too cold." Not a second later she was laying down beside him, staring up at the quickly darkening sky. For the first time since her initial recovery she was truly exhausted. Partly it could be blamed on actually moving about and doing work for the first time in weeks, but the rest of it was clearly just her mind and heart. She was tired because she was feeling so much.

Sometimes she hated feeling. Sometimes she wished she could just be numb, like right at that very moment. Her heart seemed to be beating off rhythm as she tried to concentrate on anything other than the conversation she'd just had, or the fact that she was still sopping wet, and getting colder by the moment. The cold was waking her up, and clearly that was what it was meant to do. She just hoped it didn't make her feverish again.

_Should I get your blanket?_

_ No, dear,_ she turned her head to smile at Koth. _I'm fine._

_ But you are cold._

_ Only a little. We'll be going in soon._

Silence descended again with the simple explanation, but for some reason it was stifling. Elrenia turned her head to the side and saw the most curious look on H'val's face as he clenched and unclenched his fists at his side. It felt like he was angry with her, like she feared only hours before when he first returned from Fort.

"H'val?"

"It's nothing."

"Clearly…" She hated the fog in her mind, and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment as she tried to banish it. How much had she been tricked into drinking? Two glasses? Three? It wasn't enough to steal her coherence, and so she thought she wasn't _hopelessly_ drunk. "Clearly that's not true. Talk. I'm tired of talking. It's your turn."

Pausing long enough to look at the girl and feign a smirk, the boy seemed to gather his words. "My father didn't want me to go on search," the young man said sadly, almost randomly, staring up at the sky with a now wistful expression. "He didn't want me to impress. He didn't want me to be a dragonrider. In fact, he forbade it. He… said I'd be more useful in the stables. It was the only thing I was ever good at. He…"

Elrenia sat up on an elbow, looking down at the young man before touching his arm. _What is this about?_ He looked so sad laying there, so lonely, and she wasn't entirely sure how to fix things. He obviously loved Koth, with all of his heart, but he felt the disapproval of his father keenly. _Why is this suddenly bothering him? _Koth was old enough to fly thread, so this clearly was not a new offense.

"He disowned you," she guessed, judging by the way he dropped his explanation so suddenly. She moved her fingers to curl around his forearm, drawing his attention and smiled at him. "Some men don't know when to put their pride aside. You're an amazing rider, and a good man. If your father can't see that, it's his loss."

"He would have been happy for any of my brothers…"

"I take it you're not his favorite son?"

H'val laughed, a dark bitter noise when he explained, "I was the youngest. The smallest. The weakest… but I was best with the runners. Better than any of the other kids."

"With good reason."

"Pardon?"

"Koth wouldn't have chosen you if you didn't deserve him. You're a good man. Runners know when people are good."

"Still…"

"That's not what's bothering you?"

"He… died."

_What? _"H'val?"

"N'ton called me back to Fort with… with the bad news. Apparently he got sick a few days ago. He didn't recover. I… he… my dad is dead."

"I'm so sorry." She was. She'd been spending all her time fretting over her own situation, when this precious young man was suffering as well. Their two circumstances were hardly comparable, but to say that one was worse than the other was presumptuous. Any loss of life, of family, was heartbreaking. No one loss was more significant than another. "Oh, H'val…"

"Don't worry about—"

She pulled him into a hug before he could dismiss anything. What happened next would never be put into words. They would never discuss the way he sat stiff as a board for a moment, before collapsing as he sobbed into her chest, clutching her like he was a small child and she was his mother. They would never discuss the way, in a moment of grief and guilt, he wished he hadn't impressed—it wasn't true. He took it back before the words fully left his mouth, cursed himself for even thinking it. They would never mention the way she rocked him, the way she petted his head and maneuvered them so Koth could wrap his tail around them both.

Mnementh was watching them now, all but the last eyelid open to reveal an purple blue glow as the two young adults huddled against the blue dragon. The big bronze was like a guardian, watching over the trio to ensure nothing bad happened.

"This is what's been bothering you all day."

"I should have been home. I should have helped."

It was odd, to hear her own words echoed to her by another, felt just as intensely. Odder still to reiterate what she'd been told no few times, "It's not your fault. H'val, dear, there's nothing you could have done."

"I should have been home. I should have checked in more."

"And done what? Used your dragon to create a cure for a cold sickened man? To think that you could have saved him is an impossibility. But that doesn't mean you can't make things better."

"Elrenia?"

"Your family needs you."

There was a moment of pause as the young rider accepted this, and he _did_ accept it, nodding his head and wiping his reddened eyes. "You're right." It was barely a murmur, but Elrenia heard it all the same. "You're right. They _do_ need me. But… but thread… and… and _you_. I promised you—"

"You'll take me to Fort when I'm ready to go. Right now I've got an obligation to stay here, and see this… my situation through to the end." It was truly amazing how quickly the girl managed to sober up. She was completely coherent, completely herself. Not the poor excuse for a person that she had been the past month, but truly herself once more. It was like all the time between running from the Tall Hill and her sitting with the now calm H'val had been a sort of dream. It had been another girl who fell upon Kelby's Hold, _another_ girl who was taken to Benden upon a misunderstanding with a wonderful blue rider. It hadn't been her. No. It couldn't have been. She'd only just arrived. "You must go back, and at least _visit _your family. See if there's anything they need from you. I'm sure… I'm sure Koth can keep in contact with me somehow. And if not I'll just ask Brekke to send a message, she can speak to him, yes?"

"Of course."

"So you'll go. It will make you feel better, and I'm sure it will make your family feel better. Do you have sisters?"

"Two."

"Are they still at home?"

"Yes. One of my brothers has taken over responsibility of the family Hold."

"I'm sure they'll be _ecstatic_ to see you. I know I would."

For a long while neither moved a muscle, content in the other's company as they simply relaxed on the great Queen's ledge. It was odd to be there, so comfortable with herself. She shouldn't have been. She should have been horrified with the very prospect of being in such an important place, robbing such important people's time, privacy, resources… _They want to help. They've offered. I've simply accepted what they wanted to give._

It had to be as simple as that for her. She'd taken time, privacy, and resources from her brothers and sisters as well, but that had never been a problem. Not tithing when she knew she was supposed to, simply because it was exceptionally inconvenient to when harvests were bad. There was no reason to be bothered by the notion of borrowing from others. It was a human kindness. And, if nothing else, she'd repay the Weyr somehow in the future.

Yes, that was it! She'd find a way to repay them, starting with watching the children when there was no one else around to do so. They seemed to be a bit of a nuisance to the kitchen workers, much as they loved the youngsters, and that was something she knew how to fix. She'd help cook, and clean as well if she could convince Brekke and Manora to let her. And perhaps, someday when her debts were paid and _he_ had been properly dealt with… she'd go. She'd leave them to their lives and move on with her own.

_Sounds like a plan_.

"I should probably talk to F'lar then… if you don't mind."

"I don't. They need you more than I do right now."

Startled, and perhaps angry the boy immediately tried to correct her, "That's nonsense. You—"

"I _do_, need you H'val," the girl qualified instantly, "But I've got an entire Weyr looking after me. They don't. They need their brother. Go."

That was all it took to push the young man to his feet, leaning forward momentarily to kiss the girl gently on her forehead. "Thank you." She blushed emphatically as he rushed into the Weyr, going to locate the Weyrleaders to discuss his issue and gain permission to move out.

_It's the least I can do_, she thought, leaning her head carefully against Koth's flank to listen to his hearts as she was prone to. _He needs to do what's right for him. Right for them._

_ Thank you. _Big blue eyes swirled at her, projecting a sort of warm happiness that made Elrenia smile. No prompting was necessary for the blue to explain, _You made him happy. Thank you, small one._

_ It was my pleasure._ This wasn't a lie. To think that after several sevendays of the boy caring for her in all of her worst moods she could do _anything_ for him was amazing. And before she knew it he was rushing back out onto the ledge smiling as he helped the girl to her feet and climbed gracefully up Koth's extended foreleg.

"You're sure you'll be okay?"

"Perfectly fine. And you'll never be further than a quick trip _between_."

Smiling at her words, H'val bowed his head and Koth lunged from the cliff, diving down rapidly before soaring into the sky and blinking out. There was a brief roil of panic deep in Elrenia's gut, a moment where she feared that she was both alone and vulnerable again, but voices in the Weyrwoman's chambers reminded her that this was not true. People were looking out for her, not just H'val, and this was not something to be taken for granted.

It was time to be proactive.

_But how_.

Swearing she could still feel Koth somewhere deep in her mind, Elrenia took a deep breath and braced herself for reentering the Weyr. Suddenly without the haze of alcohol to dull the agony of a conversation she didn't want to have, she had a revelation. This wouldn't work, if she didn't cooperate. Bowing to the large broze as she passed him, the girl tried to figure out what to say.

What _needed_ to be said?

What did the Masterharper need to hear?

"His name is Ronomer." Every eye was on her suddenly. Even Robinton looked mildly startled by the sudden admission, and her drenched figure, but only for a moment. No sooner had the words faded than the man bowed his head solemnly in her direction.

"Then Ronomer, and his men, will be found and rightfully punished."

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_ness1229, thank you! That makes a lot of sense actually, as the first I read of the Pern series was the Dragonsong trilogy. Funny how these things work._

_Brownie points to Amere Mortal for catching some mistakes (I could be mistaken in believing that there are **both** bottles and skins on Pern, but I distinctly do remember something about bottles. I chose it after consideration, not in random error. Thank you though.)_


	24. Chapter 23

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 23**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Sleep was restless for a young woman with too many things on her mind, not all so unpleasant as vivid memories of fire and violation, but still things she didn't particularly care to consider. She was safe in the Weyr, well established by the way Lessa had grasped her arms as she left her chambers the night before, promising her that Ronomer would be brought to justice. Elrenia had no doubt that the fiery little woman would throttle the man with her bare hands if Lord Holder Raid wouldn't see reason, and almost smile as her mind animated such a scene for her.

They'd spoken a little longer, after she identified the man by name. It had been a matter of formalities really, the desire to get certain details in writing for the Lord Holder to see since she was not yet brave enough to leave the Weyr. "Don't be ashamed child," Robinton had soothed when she dropped her head and refused to accompany him to Benden Hold. "You are not mistaken in the belief that you're safer in the Weyr, and while I'm sure I could get you an audience with Lord Raid without putting you in any danger, it is perfectly fine that you wish to stay."

It made her feel better to be assured so, and by so many no less. No one that she'd spoken to looked down on her for the situation, no one _blamed_ her as she'd been blaming herself. They cast the blame elsewhere, on the actual offenders in a way that she knew made sense, but couldn't bring herself to do as well.

She needed to. There was no question, really. Elrenia understood that self pity was unattractive, self loathing was pitiful. It needed to stop. It was going to stop. _Proactive_. It became a little mantra. A new mantra. A _good_, workable mantra. _Proactive. Just __**try**_. And it was as simple as that.

Mirah had shown up, not long after she made it back to her Weyr, with a plate of food and a shoulder to cry on. But Elrenia hadn't cried this time, just calmly explained the situation so Mirah wasn't out of the loop. The girl deserved to know, she was her friend. She cared. She was making a distinct effort to take care of the damn near self destructive brunette.

But still, sleep was restless. Even after she bathed, and sat on the ledge for a short while. Even after she watched the moons rise. Even after she was as tired physically as she was emotionally. She just couldn't sleep.

There was too much to be done, too much to consider, too much to be afraid of. _He_ could destroy her. The Masterharper could. The Weyrleader could. The Lord Holders could. She'd be so easy to break, crushed under the weight thrown around by those who were so much better than she was.

_Proactive_.

They could… but they wouldn't. It was faith. Optimism and faith. She needed to have both to get through this. And if she was so worried, why not do something about the thing that scared her most? The danger. She was terrified of the things that could be done by the sadists of the world, but if she could nip the problem in the bud… _That's it. _She finally did manage to fall asleep not long after this revelation, but it seemed she woke up only a breath later with a grumbling stomach.

Her nose brought her hesitantly down to the kitchen, where people were already sitting down with grins and bowls of food. A quick glance around the room had her meeting green eyes, Z'den looking almost curiously at her over his spoon. It was difficult to take his severe expression seriously with his mouth full of food, however. So she approached with much less hesitance than would have been expected.

_It's time,_ she thought as he bowed his head in greeting. _Nip this thing in the bud._

"I want to learn to fight."

For the first time, Elrenia saw Z'den lose his composure, choking momentarily on his morning cup of klah after she spoke. He stared at her, head tipped to the side like a small animal, just for a second before asking, "Excuse me?"

"I want to learn to fight. Like… to defend myself." Suddenly the snap decision to approach the man felt wrong, and she didn't want to go on. But he was staring at her expectantly, one fair eyebrow raised dramatically. She couldn't _not_ finish what she had been prepared to say. "I understand all dragonfolk are trained in dueling and whatnot."

"Yes, we are. You…" He paused, blinked a single time, and reorganized his question, "Why the sudden interest?"

"I…" Words stuck in Elrenia's throat, and Z'den raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose when she paused. He had little patience for her, and really no blame could be placed on him for it. His first meeting with her, he'd had to carry her while he was wounded, and she'd almost refused to help him. The best experience the two had together was that brief flight above Benden he and Arlith had taken her on the night H'val left, and even _that_ was done under duress.

He had every reason to completely ignore her, but he was always civil with her. At times he was even kind. So, in hopes of calming herself and reclaiming her voice, Elrenia took a deep breath and sat across from Z'den at his table.

"I don't ever want to… to…" Running her hands over her head, she smoothed the strands of hair that escaped their binding. It shouldn't have been so hard to say what was on her mind. It wasn't as though he never heard her story. "I don't want… I don't want to let people… hurt me anymore."

For a moment the brown rider's eyes narrowed and she was almost afraid that he was angry with her. But then he nodded his head with a sigh. "Of course." It was as simple as that, and he took another sip of his klah. "I shouldn't have asked. I'd be glad to instruct you… if you'd like me to."

"I _really_ would. Thank you."

"Eat first."

"Z'den?"

"I know you haven't yet. Eat first."

"I…"

"I can serve you if you'd prefer not—"

"No!" She didn't want to be coddled, not if she could help it. "I… I'll eat. I just didn't expect—Now?"

"If you'd prefer to wait until a later date, that's not a problem either. I just thought you'd like to start as soon as possible… all things considered."

"What… things?"

There was a moment wherein Z'den's eyes clouded, the look of a dragon conversation, and another moment where he looked to reconsider what he was going to say. But he sighed in a resigned fashion as he said, "You _will_ have to face him eventually, Elrenia. The man who did this."

The words chilled her to the bone, but she nodded acceptance anyway. The man was right. Whether she wanted to or not, she _would_ have to face _him_ again—at the very least she would need to identify him. She knew this. It wasn't new to her. It wasn't a surprise. But neither was it a pleasant notion. She didn't _want_ to see him. Ever.

"Of course. I'll… can I sit with you while I eat?"

A second's pause. "If you wish."

"Thank you." Moving off quicker than a dragon could flit _between_, Elrenia tried to banish the dryness of her tongue, and the sour in her stomach. _I'm fine_, she insisted silently, smiling at one of the young Weyr girls who grabbed and handed a bowl to Elrenia just as she moved by. "Thank you." _I'm okay. I'm __**fine**_. She was. Nothing had gone wrong. She'd presented her request to Z'den, and been accepted without any difficulty at all.

Naturally her first choice for an instructor would have been H'val, except he was gone. Clearly F'lar was a better choice than the brown rider, except it would have been presumptuous to expect him to be _able_ to take time out of his busy schedule to deal with such a silly request, let alone _want_ to. F'nor would probably have been a good choice (with the added bonus of Brekke being able to coerce him into it if he didn't want to help) but Elrenia didn't know him well enough. So that left Z'den. And she was just grateful that he hadn't slapped her down the moment she approached him.

Still, she was probably a terrible inconvenience to him. He definitely had better things to do than teach her how to fight. _Stop it._ It was an order. _Stop doing this. Proactive, remember? Proactive. _She needed to start doing things for herself, and this was one of those things. Never again would she sit back idly and allow herself to be used. Never again would she be helpless as someone she cared for was hurt. Never again would she be a victim. Not if she could help it.

But still, her heart beat in her throat as she served herself porridge and turned back in the direction of Z'den's table, wondering if he was waiting for her. His meal had been more or less finished, save for his klah, when she arrived. She'd noticed it immediately, but asked him anyway. He said she could eat with him, but… _Stop._ He would be there. She just needed to stop second guessing herself.

"Good morning, Elrenia."

Startled by the arm wrapping around her waist, the girl almost dropped her bowl before she recognized the voice and blonde head as belonging to Mirah. "Don't _do_ that!" she muttered, glaring halfheartedly at the pleasant girl.

"Where are you sitting? I'll eat with you."

"Over…" Why was she embarrassed to admit that she was sitting with the brown rider? She'd sat with him before. There wasn't anything at all wrong with it! Nothing odd, or out of the ordinary. "Over with Z'den." She pointed. "Over there."

"I'll be right there!" The bouncy young woman laughed, smiling warmly as she pulled away and moved toward the food. Then, as a parting shot, snorted, "Don't let the scary grump eat you!"

Honestly trying to ignore the comment, Elrenia made her way back over to the brown rider, who was still sitting at the table. His blonde hair was standing up on the back left side of his head, clearly from how he'd been sleeping, and it made her smile. From the angle she was looking at him, Z'den almost looked like a young man, carefree as he raised a hand to his mouth and yawned. But then he looked to the side at her, staring her down with eyes that allowed no arguments of any kind, and motioned her over.

"_Eat_!"

"Coming!"

"Z'den, don't be mean."

Smiling as Mirah came up to her side, she was relieved to find the girl taking the seat next to Z'den so Elrenia had a good excuse to sit across from them. She found that she was almost comfortable. H'val told her, more than once, that she was safe with Z'den. She knew instinctively that she was safe with Mirah. With these two sharing meals with her, showing concern for her, spending time with her, nothing could go wrong.

Confident in this, Elrenia took a spoonful of her porridge, blowing it gently before beginning to eat. Her manners were meticulous, especially when compared to the way that Mirah shoveled food into her mouth like she was afraid she'd starve, the way the Weyrlings ate with an almost dangerous speed before rushing from the cavern to go about their duties. She was careful not to spill or waste a drop of her food, smiling while a cup was filled with klah for her to drink right before Z'den also poured himself another cup.

"So, rumor has it that F'lar is going around searching more girls, since there's a Queen egg on the sands and all," Mirah spoke just to fill the silence.

Z'den's brow crinkled, lip coming up in a sort of suffering snarl at the girl's words. "Must you spread gossip?"

"It's not really gossip if it's true, Z'den."

"And how do you know it's true?"

"F'nor brought in a new girl just this morning."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I was introduced to her. Name's… Farraline. Farraly? Farla? Something. Far-something. I don't quite remember. Gave me lip, that one did."

"She wouldn't dare give a Queen rider lip!" Elrenia exclaimed, both shocked and horrified by the notion. "I don't know a single person who would."

"Some of these Holder girls come in thinking that they're entitled to this. It's ridiculous! It's an _honor_ to be taken on Search."

"Quite the honor," Elrenia agreed immediately. "Why, if I'd been searched when I was younger—"

"You're _not_ old, Elrenia!" Z'den snapped immediately. "We've discussed this. And enough of this gossip, new girl or not. Finish your meal. We'll begin when you're done."

"Begin?"

Looking over, blush rising to her cheek slightly, Elrenia explained, "Z'den agreed to teach me to defend myself."

"Like… dueling?"

"I suppose," Elrenia confirmed, head bowed for a moment. "Unless you've something else in mind, Brown Rider."

"I intend to demonstrate the basics of self defense and little more, unless you desire it."

"That's perfect for her," Mirah spoke with a grin. "But, be nicer to her than you were to H'val, eh? He's told me horror stories of his training."

"Yes, well, you need not worry. Elrenia is neither a man nor ill mannered, I'd never train her with the methods I used on H'val."

"Good to hear." Mirah then, in a show of strength and resilience that had Elrenia staring with her mouth wide open for several seconds, downed her entire cup of steaming klah in a single swallow. "Oh, and be careful of her feet, will you Z'den? I'd hate to have to hurt you." Standing from the table, the girl gathered her dirtied dishes and grinned. "Sayath will be keeping an eye out on her for Koth, just by the way."

The little blonde woman shot through the cavern not so unlike the Weyrlings, tossing a look and a smile over her shoulder briefly before disappearing behind a group of men. Elrenia stared for a moment, realizing as she was left alone with Z'den that she was not nearly as nervous about things as she'd expected to be. In fact, she was able to make eye contact with the man as he reached across the table for her bowl and stopped him. "I have it, thank you."

"Of course. Shall we begin?"

"I… Yes."

"Would you prefer your Weyr, or mine?" This was not what the girl expected, and her expression showed every fear that passed through her mind clearly. It only took a moment for Z'den to realize his error, and immediately he was shaking his head, reaching across the table to touch the girl's wrist as he assured, "No, child. Nothing like that. There's just no reason for us to be out in the cold. We can ask someone to sit in on your training if you'd prefer not to be alone."

"But… indoors?"

"There's more than enough room in either of our Weyr's."

"I… mine?" That way people would know where to find her. She had no idea if people _ever_ visited Z'den in his chambers, but she got visitors regularly.

"If you'll lead the way."

So she did, easily enough. The nervous twist deep in her gut dissipated quickly enough when more than one woman smiled and inclined her head when the two walked by. Mental notes were clearly being taken. Everyone knew where she was going, and who she was with, especially the kitchen girls who greeted her happily on their way down to the caverns. She was safe. Not just because Z'den wouldn't hurt her, though she was certain he wouldn't, but because she was well looked after.

It was a relief if ever there was one.

And the first thing he did, upon entering her weyr, was calmly say, "The easiest, and perhaps most important thing to remember, is your feet."

"Pardon?" she murmured, thrown off by the sudden, and seemingly random nature of the statement. "My… feet?"

"You can do _anything_ if your footing is right."

"Oh?"

"It also happens to be one of the easiest ways to tell how a person is going to move next." At the rather skeptical look, Z'den raised placating hands and murmured, "_One_ of the ways. Now, please don't be mistaken and think you only have to look at their feet, there's much more to it than that, but keep one eye on them. Yes?"

"…Yes?"

"Is that a question?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand."

"Okay." The man took a breath, and pointed toward one of the chairs. "Sit, if you please?"

Sitting, the girl watched as the man shifted his weight, moving, and moving, and moving as he fought an invisible enemy. Oddly content to examine the subtle twitching of his eyes as he moved, the girl only turned to look at the ever important feet when the blonde man snapped at her to do so. But she saw nothing. Sure they moved, but that's what feet did. Even after several long minutes of intense scrutiny, Elrenia didn't understand.

"Z'den?"

The man stopped moving for a moment, hands dropping to his sides as he asked, "Yes?"

"What _exactly_ am I watching for?"

"Stand up." So she did, and only barely flinched when the man reached forward and carefully took hold of her arms. "I'm not going to hurt you, just watch your feet."

When she was looking at them, he started to push her back. Her body automatically stepped back to compensate for the shift in balance, and when she stepped forward once more her feet seemed to move of their own accord. Turning her to face the entrance to her Weyr had her left foot shifting around in a semi circle while her right merely pivoted. She wasn't doing it on purpose, it was just happening, and then it occurred to her. The body moved in specific ways to allow movement, and while this wasn't a new idea to her the fact that it was so distinctive was… intriguing.

"So you see it now?"

"I… I think."

"For the most part, everyone moves in their own way. It depends on many things."

"Like what?"

"Like… what they do for a living, their style of fighting, which side of their body is most dominant."

"Oh?"

"You use your right hand, mostly, yes? To write and eat?"

"I do."

"You'll note that when you move backwards your body automatically moves your right foot."

The man was right, and though she wasn't sure if this was for all people, it certainly seemed to ring true for her. Whenever she needed to move and didn't think about it, her right hand, right foot, right leg started the movement. She pondered this phenomenon for a moment, before looking back up at Z'den again.

"If you'll sit again." And when she did, the man said, "Just watch."

She was still confused, just a little, but she saw more than just movement of feet. She noticed that the man's right knee started bending before he moved his foot to shift his position, and glancing up just for second allowed her to see that his feet moved before his upper body and arms. His movements were slow, likely to allow her ample time to really _look_ at what he was doing, and she wondered how this would help when the person she was watching was trying to hurt her.

Surely she'd be too busy panicking in any actual potential combat situation. _I don't __**want**__ to fight anyone_, she reminded herself. _This is in case I ever get attacked again_.

"What if someone tries to… tries to sneak up on me?"

"You listen."

"Pardon?"

"No man moves silently. Especially not when they're meaning to do harm to a young lady. Listen. I can't say that listening alone will protect you from any wrongdoer's, but it will certainly warn you if you learn how to do it correctly."

"There is a correct way to listen?"

"You need to know what you're listening for."

"I don't follow."

"Imagine you're at a Gather—"

"But… I've never really been to a Gather."

Pausing in a sort of surprise, Z'den just looked at the girl for a moment, before nodding his head. "Imagine… imagine you've gone into a market then. I'm sure you've visited larger Holds, gone to their markets."

"Once or twice."

"Do you remember how the people there acted?"

"They… just walked around."

"So how do you hear the difference between a hundred walking Holders, and the one person that wants to strike you from behind?"

"I don't know."

"I will teach you."

The confidence of his answer made Elrenia smile just a little bit. He didn't intend to _try_ to teach her, he _would_ teach her, and the subtle difference between these two things cheered her a little. H'val had been right about the man. Z'den and his brown Arlith would watch over her. She could trust him, even if he glared far too often and didn't seem to like the company of very many people. He was honorable, and skilled, and trustworthy.

"Do you know how to punch?"

"Of course I know how to punch," Elrenia almost laughed at the question. "Who in all of _Pern_ doesn't know how to punch?"

"Make a fist." So she did, only to be scoffed at. "That, dear, will give you a broken thumb if you ever actually try to hit someone like that." And the man unfolded her fingers, only to refold them with her thumb crossing over the other four instead of tucking under them. "_This_ is how you make a fist. Now, do you know how to throw one?"

The next few hours past by slowly, with Elrenia being gently shown that everything she ever believed about fighting was either completely wrong, or the route of the untrained amateur. And while there was more than one instance where Z'den laughed outright at the girl's naivety, he was never once cruel or rude about it. He touched base on every subject imaginable, promising to go over them in better detail at another time. This was just the beginning. _I think I made the right choice_, she thought as he called an end to their little instruction session, claiming to be both hungry and tired.

"This is not how I usually spend my off days."

"I… I'm sorry to take up your time—"

"Never apologize for seeking personal betterment. This is something you should know, I'm surprised your father never showed you."

"My father did not believe that women should fight. Ever."

"He was a fool."

"He was an idealist," Elrenia defended with a small grin. "He also believed that no one should ever hurt a woman. In his world, there would never be a _reason_ for me to fight."

Refusing to speak another word on the subject, Z'den led Elrenia from her Weyr, back down to the kitchens where her small group of children had been settled for lunch. She smiled rather brightly at them, and though the eldest in the group returned the pleasured expression, the younger ones all seemed to flinch away from the brown rider's very presence.

Taking note of this, the girl wasn't entirely sure what to do. She wanted to see how the children were doing, but they were clearly uncomfortable around the older man, and—looking back at him—Z'den appeared to be just as uncomfortable around _them_. He stood there dutifully at her side, but was looking anywhere _but_ in their direction.

"I… uh…" Sending him away would have been outrageously rude. "Um…"

"Elrenia, dear," Manora called as she caught sight of the girl, smiling and waving her over, which gave both her and her impromptu escort an excellent excuse to walk away from the kids.

"Good day Manora," she greeted.

"Manora," was Z'den simple acknowledgement.

"Elrenia, dear, I was hoping you could watch the lot of them after lunch. The girl who was looking after them this morning drew spit duty, and everyone else suddenly seems to have other things to do."

"Of course," the brunette smiled, hoping she didn't look nearly as excited as she felt. She liked the kids, but the warm glow she got from being _asked_ to watch them was… different. "I'd love to look after them again. I—" The realization that she technically had a prior engagement with Z'den caused her to look back at him apologetically. "Is… is that all right?"

"Of course," he assured her easily. "I was going to suggest we continue tomorrow morning. After breakfast. Just like today."

"Sounds excellent!"

"If you…" The man cleared his throat. "If you would prefer not to eat with the children, you're welcome to sit with me."

"That would be wonderful," Elrenia conceded. "Mirah will probably show up too. She seems to enjoy eating with you."

"Only because I let her talk."

"Well," and her attention was back on Manora, "I will be sure to take them after we've all eaten. And… bring them in for dinner?"

"Yes, dear," the older woman smiled, looking rather relieved. "That would be splendid."

_Yes_, she couldn't help but agree. _It will be_.

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_**Sorry it's taken me so long to update guys. Crazy times. And a new computer. But things have settled down a bit, so I'm hoping to update more regularly again. **_

_**Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews guys, I love hearing what you have to say. Please keep them coming!**_


	25. Chapter 24

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 24**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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"Okay everyone!" Elrenia called out over the shouting laughter of the children she'd been sent to deal with. They'd been done with their food for well over ten minutes already, but had waited patiently for her to finish her own. They weren't quick to quiet down, but slowly the older kids started shushing the younger ones, and they were quiet enough to hear the woman's gentle voice. "If you can promise to behave and _mind me_, I'll be happy to take you guys outside to play."

The entire group cheered and shot from their seats, marching obediently out into the bowl where they played quietly for all of two minutes, and descended into madness immediately thereafter. There was a moment, a single moment, wherein Elrenia wondered why she even bothered. Promises about behavior meant nothing to children, and she knew this from her _own_ childhood. How her parents and older siblings refrained from beating her to death by her seventh birthday was completely _beyond_ her comprehension, and how she intended to do the same as one child was pushed to the ground and another was nearly trampled was no easier.

"Any suggestions?" she asked the small child that sidled up next to her, pleased to see that his arm was no longer wrapped in a bandage.

"Dunno," he murmured, moving to crawl into her lap when she raised her arms to allow him to do so. "But I don' think story time'll work again."

"I could threaten to make them do chores."

"Nope."

"Oh?"

"They know the ladies'll never let 'em in to do chores."

"Fun." Stroking the child's back, Elrenia spent a few moments thinking. Just a few, and then she was clapping her hands, calling for attention again. "You guys want to be dragonrider's, right?"

"Of course!" one of the kids called, rolling his eyes at her. "I'm gonna be a bronze rider."

"Says you!" another laughed. "_I'm_ gonna be a bronze rider."

"I am!"

"No, I am!"

"Maybe you can _both_ be!"

"What?"

Motioning them all over to her, under the pretense of not wanting to shout and disturb the peace, Elrenia was pleased to have the kids calm for a second. "There's usually more than one bronze in a clutch, isn't there?"

"Yeah, a few if the flight was good."

"Then maybe both of you can be bronze riders. But what's wrong with the other dragons?"

"Nothing," one of the kids murmured with a shrug. "But the bronze's are the best, second the Queen's a'course."

"Yeah! They're the biggest!"

"Except the Queen's."

"Yeah!"

It bothered her a little, to think that the kids had a preference. They were young, and so it was forgivable she supposed… but still. Her favorite dragon, her favorite rider was blue. She, of course, respected them all, but their _colors_ never impacted her opinion. Her brothers always spoke of the bronzes, the occasional mention of a brown, but never the blues. Never the greens. She didn't understand.

People were always saying that everyone at a Weyr was important, but it didn't seem that way. The Bronze riders were the ones who got the make decisions, the Queen riders were the be all end all of everything. Even Mirah, little Mirah, seemed to have greater sway than all those around her, save for Lessa. No one had more sway than Lessa, but _that_ she blamed on the little woman being such a… volatile creature.

Suddenly it occurred to her that she really didn't know the roles of the different riders. Bronze riders were Wingleaders, the younger ones were Wingseconds, the better, bigger brown riders were Wingseconds as well. What were the blues? What were the greens?

She needed to know.

"Do you guys have any idea how the wings work?"

"What?"

"What do green dragons do during fall?"

"Uhh… they fight thread?"

"Don't they all fight thread though?"

"Yup!"

"But, like how the Queen's fly low to catch the stray threads with the flame throwers, and the bronzes lead… what do the greens do?"

A sort of silence descended on the group before they all started murmuring to one another, trying to figure things out. Their curiosity was a good thing really. As long as Elrenia could find something to catch their attention she had no problem taking control of them. But she knew that they wouldn't be distracted by her question for very long, if they weren't able to figure things out they'd expect an answer from her, and when she couldn't provide one they'd move on.

Except moving on meant more rough housing, and the last thing she wanted was for one of the kids to get hurt, let alone after they'd been entrusted to her. The trust that Manora put in her meant more than she thought it would. The parents of the children trusted her to keep their kids safe. She needed to do that, and in order to do that she needed to find a way to keep them occupied. And _that_ came with a squeal and a splash somewhere in the near distance.

The children had all burst into laughter before Elrenia so much as glanced over her shoulder, and spied a young man laying down in what had to have been the ice cold water of the lake, a rather small green dragon sitting above him with a curious expression on her face. For a moment it looked like the young man was angry, but the beast above him let out a little gurgle or sorts and he immediately smile and laughed. His arms went to wrap around the little wedge head, allowing the creature to drag him back to his feet with only a little foot scrabbling.

"Are you all right?" Elrenia called over curiously to the boy, shifting around a little to look at him. His eyes shot over to her even if his head didn't, and he barely lifted a hand in acknowledgement of her query. She wasn't insulted by the slight in the least, but hesitated to get up and check on him. It was the little boy in her lap that stood and led the way over, followed by her and the rest of the group. "What in the world are you doing in the lake?" she asked softly. "It's started to ice over. It must be _freezing_."

"Freezing or not, Eolith needs a good scrubbing."

"The other dragons don't?" she asked, wondering at the lack of other creatures. Not even the weyrlings were about.

"I… was late. Everyone's gone back to do other stuff."

"Do you need help?" The offer was spur of the moment, but she heard a very quiet excitement wash over the kids.

"No, thanks."

Elrenia nodded her head at the boy, smiled. "Would you _like_ help?"

The boy answered a little less slowly this time. Shook his head, and looked up at her. And, when she smiled at him, he finally conceded, "Yeah. I… I would."

"Okay then," she laughed, "help you shall have."

Leaning over to pull off her boots, she carefully stuck her fingers in the water. It was cool, right on the cusp of cold, but not dangerous. She'd been in freezing water before, and this was not it. She'd over estimated. The ice was only on the outer edge, and incredibly thin. But still, she looked carefully back at the kids, and picked out the three biggest ones, almost old enough to no longer be lumped with the children.

"You can't all come in the water," she said, much to their disappointment, but held up a hand to stop any arguments from erupting. "But that doesn't mean you can't help." The weyrling looked startled, but when Elrenia smiled warmly at him he nodded his consent to whatever she was planning. "What exactly do we need to do… Green Rider?"

"Oh!" He blushed to realize that they did not know each other. "I'm Normon. Oh… er… N'mon. This beautiful girl is Eolith."

"It's a pleasure, N'mon. Eolith. I'm Elrenia. And it's a pleasure to help." She smiled back at the kids, who were all waiting patiently for assignments. "So, are we just scrubbing…?"

"Well, I need to oil her after that, but…"

"If it won't get you in any trouble, we could help with it."

"I… I don't see why not. They all look real excited."

"Okay, so here's what we're going to do." She pulled the three oldest children close to her and said, "You're going to be the leaders. I _know_ I can trust you guys, right?"

"Yes, Elrenia."

"Good. I'd hate for you to lose my trust. You're each going to take a group of kids. You…"

"Karlena."

"Karlena, you're going to take your kids inside, and collect new, clean clothing for everyone. You know where to get everyone's stuff?"

"Yeah. I do."

"Good. Because we're going to need to get changed after we get out of the water." Turning to the next child, she waited patiently for a name before saying, "Okay Talik, you're going to be part of the oiling crew. You're going to have to wait patiently for us to finish scrubbing, but then you'll get to work. Can you keep your group occupied for that long?"

"Of course I can."

"And you…"

"Kadin."

"Kadin, are going to be with _me_. And you're going to be couriering the kids in and out when they start getting cold, okay?"

"All right."

"Pick your kids."

"But… we're just gathering clothes?"

Realizing the assignment was unfair when the other kids were going to be able to directly deal with the dragon, Elrenia smiled gently and touched the girl's cheek. "Of course not. You're going to gather the clothes, because by the time you're done they're going to be cold and need to go inside. So Kadin will take them, and your group will take over the scrubbing. Fair?"

"Fair."

"Pick your kids."

The group was divided up evenly enough, approved by Elrenia, and everyone went about they're tasks. Elrenia told Kadin and his four to take off their shoes and socks before leading them carefully over to the green dragon, who was watching them curiously. Her eyes started swirling the brightest blue the brunette had ever seen when Elrenia inclined her head politely to the beast, introducing herself quietly. "Thank you for allowing us to help you, Eolith. I'm Elrenia." The green only tilted her head, seeming to listen to the children as they all made similar greetings. "So, N'mon… what do we do?"

"All I have to say," He spoke with a grin, "is scrub hard." He had a handful of sand himself. "Boy does she need it."

Before long the kids were busy scrubbing away, laughing and splashing foolishly when the dragon wiggled about under their tiny hands, inner eyelid closing in pleasure. The youngest in the group started shivering about the time that Karlena returned with her group. And, seeing the quiet quakes, Elrenia poked Kadin and gestured for him to follow her. "It's Karlena's turn now. We're going to go get dry. Listen to N'mon kids." And, more quietly, she leaned to the man and whispered, "Please watch them for a second. I'll be right back."

N'mon nodded his agreement with a smile, and told the new group the same thing Elrenia told the first, to take off their shoes and socks before they got in the water. Seeing him take firm control of the kids, she was happy to lead the first group inside, helping them to dry off adequately before telling them to change. "You guys wait here for a little while," she instructed. And, catching the attention of a passing young woman she murmured, "Can you please bring something warm in here for the children?"

"Yes, of course."

"Thank you." She smiled at Kadin and the others. "I'll be right back in, dears."

"Okay."

"Behave, yes?"

"Mmhmm."

Jogging back out to the lake, almost as nervous about leaving the poor young man in charge of such a little group of monsters as she was about leaving the other kids alone. But she trusted Kadin to do a good job at watching them for a few minutes. She hoped she could trust him. Honestly hoped. _No hoping,_ she told herself, smiling and waving at a laughing N'mon. _They're good kids. Just bored. Give them the benefit of the doubt._

"How're things going out here?"

"We're almost done!" Karlena called, laughing when Eolith lifted her wing and leaned to the side so the child could more easily reach high up her flank.

"Good." The brunette couldn't help but notice that her toes were starting to get uncomfortably tingly, and so she didn't reenter the water. "Ready to oil her, guys?"

"Yeah!"

"This is going to be so much fun!"

"They don't usually let us help with the dragons!"

"That's because they're so big, and you guys are so small," Elrenia murmured gently. "No one wants you to get hurt!"

"Then how come we can help with Eolith?"

"Because she's still young, and smaller than the others." At least that's what she thought, and realizing that she didn't actually know the truth of this, she looked over at the green's rider. "N'mon, how old is she?"

"Just over a year. Next spring will be her first time flying thread."

"You've never flown thread before?" one of the boys asked in shocked awe.

"Not yet."

"Are you scared?"

"Of course not!" the rider denied quickly… too quickly.

Looking closely Elrenia thought that he might not be speaking the complete truth, but she didn't mention it. N'mon looked young, perhaps younger than H'val, but she wasn't sure. It was not unheard of for young men to do everything that they could possibly do to look stronger than they actually were. It was not unheard of for young men to be ashamed of weakness. And this young man was a green rider. Unless she was completely mistaken when it was time for Eolith to rise…

"Eolith says that she's done with the water now. She wants to go and be oiled now."

The group of children beside Elrenia immediately started cheering. "Maybe we could do this inside?" The girl suggested hopefully. "Get everyone in out of the cold. You're shivering, N'mon."

"I… I'm not used to the cold yet. I was just down in Ista."

"Oh?"

"My sister just gave birth to her first child. I wanted to visit her."

"That's sweet," she smiled. "Let's get you dry and warm then. Come on. Does she mind going in?"

"No. She says she'll meet us up in my weyr. She expects us to be there immediately."

Laughing Elrenia nodded her head, watching the green take to the air easily, soaring to one of the lower ledges. The kids were just as happy to get inside as the rider was, all of them cold from the water. She sent Talik's group up with the green rider, who was happy to lead them, before leading Karlena's group to where Kadin's was already dry and happily eating warm bread.

"You guys get dry and changed, I'll get bread, juice, klah for everyone and bring it up. Does anyone know where N'mon's weyr is?"

"I do."

"Mirah?" Elrenia startled at the young blonde suddenly at her side.

"I can take you there. But… why?"

"We're helping him take care of Eolith."

"Oh?"

"He was scrubbing her, and the water was freezing. I figured we could speed it up."

"And you could keep everyone distracted."

"It worked, didn't it?" She smiled. "You guys get changed, I'll be back in a second."

Walking away from the group, Elrenia snuck into the kitchen where a woman was preparing an entire tray of food. She didn't know _why_ it shocked her, after a month in the Weyr she should have been used to random acts of kindness, and yet she didn't know what to say when the tray was handed to her. "It's sweet what you're doing," the girl said, touching Elrenia's arms. "I know you've only watched them twice, but the kids really like you. Thank you."

"No… problem. I like kids."

"Good. Because they like you too. Go. They're waiting."

An order she was happy to follow. Elrenia walked away from the woman with the tray she'd been given, smiling at the kids and motioning for them to precede her as Mirah led the way. It felt amazing to actually be doing something for once. Felt amazing to be active again. It wasn't the same as trying fruitlessly to till unusable soil. It didn't hurt as badly as chopping lumber with tools barely capable of slicing withies let alone solid wood. She was actually _succeeding_ at the job she was doing for once, and _that_ is what made her feel best.

"N'mon!" Mirah called as they entered a weyr. "Brought Elrenia and the kids."

"Hey Mirah!" he called back, grinning. "Good to see you."

"Having fun?"

"Always. The kids are a big help."

"Tired?"

"Exhausted."

"I heard your sister had a kid, I figured she had you wrapped around her little finger while you were down there."

"If you had told me that in advance I might have reconsidered going," he laughed, stepping away from his dragon to rub his forehead with his forearm. The kids were happy to continue oiling the beautiful green without the help of her rider. "Why is it that you women do everything you possibly can to take advantage of us men when you're pregnant."

"You try giving birth sometime, and tell _me_ why in the world we'd do that."

"Fair enough," the boy laughed, eyes falling on Elrenia and her tray before he rushed forward. "Oh, let me take that from you!"

"Ick!" Elrenia practically squealed in startled amusement, side stepping in a way Z'den had shown her only hours before to avoid N'mon's helpfully seeking, but oily hands. "Get back! You're covered in oil. I'll just put it down on the table."

"You sure?"

"I'm a woman, not an invalid," the girl explained gently. "I have it." And to prove her point she marched over and put the tray down, going immediately to serve food and drink to the children _not_ covered in the oil. "Huh," she let out an intrigued little noise as she noticed that Talik's small four child oiling squad suddenly contained nine people, not counting the dragon's rider. "Funny how things work out."

"Did you expect them to _not_ join in?"

"Of course not," Elrenia smiled at Mirah, moving to sit in one of the chairs and pour the three adults cups of klah. "I just didn't expect them to move quite so fast." Mirah laughed, and the brunette tried to squirm discreetly in her seat. Now that she was warming up her feet were beginning to hurt, and she definitely didn't enjoy the sensation.

But her squirming wasn't discreet enough, it seemed. N'mon touched her shoulder gently and gestured to the appendages. "You okay?"

"Oh, of course."

"No, you're not, Elrenia," Mirah sighed. "Come on." She pulled one of the chairs forward and patted her lap. "Lift them up."

"They're _fine_."

"They're red."

"It's from the water."

"Water? What water?"

"She was helping me scrub Eolith with the kids."

"Elrenia…"

"A little cold water isn't going to hurt me," she explained herself, feeling mighty self conscious, with an outrageous desire to put her boots back on. "I just have prickly skin right now. It'll go away in a few minutes."

"Can I see them anyway? Just to clear my own mind?"

Wanting to say no so badly, Elrenia sighed. What she wanted didn't really matter in this case, the blonde was being kind, she was concerned. To dismiss such concern for no reason would have been horribly rude. So she nodded her head and lifted one of her feet to Mirah's lap. The girl tsked in a rather motherly way, rubbing each foot gently as she turned it this way and that to get a good look at the bottom of it.

"Doesn't look too bad. You sure you didn't overexert—"

"Mirah!" she breathed in exasperation. "Please. Don't."

"Okay. Okay." And she put the foot back to the ground. "I'll leave it alone."

"Thank you."

"Uhh…"

Both girls looked up at the confused green rider, Mirah looking over at Elrenia for permission before explaining, "She walked her feet raw about a month ago. Then she got sick." After a moment she nodded her head and said, "You'd already gone down south when she arrived. She's the one everyone's been worried about. I still worry sometimes. H'val sort of put me in charge of making sure she doesn't work herself to death."

"Mirah," Elrenia muttered in exasperation. "I'm fine," she smiled up at N'mon. "I'm just happy to help out with things at this point, you know?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I know."

"Has Eolith had enough?"

"She'll never have enough, but she's well oiled now. You can call off the kids if you want."

Smiling, Elrenia did exactly that. Calling the attention of the children, she instructed, "Finish up now. Get yourselves clean, and you can have a snack."

"I'm hungry," one of the children complained, stepping away from the green creature. "I want dinner."

"Well, dinner will be done real soon. In the meantime, we've got bread for you to munch on. Is that okay with all of you?"

"Yes, Elrenia."

"Good. Wash up."

The children all did as they were told, and once they were out of earshot the young green rider said, "I've never seen them so obedient."

"All they wanted was a little attention," she explained. "That's really all kids ever want. And I really do appreciate you allowing them to work with Eolith. They love dragons so much."

"They're weyrbrats," he laughed, "it's practically a requirement for them."

"Still. The way it looks to me is that lately they've just been sent out of the way. No one wants to deal with them around right now. It means a lot to them that they're able to get involved. And Eolith is so beautiful, for her to allow it as well means so much."

The longer she spoke, the redder the boy's face got, flushing with both embarrassment and pride. But he seemed to like what he was hearing, judging by the way he didn't try to make her stop talking. In fact, when she finally did, he asked, "They… they told you that?"

"Not in so many words," she explained. "But I remember how it felt to be too little to really contribute, and too big to just be toted around all day. They want something to do, but it's getting colder by the day, and everyone's so busy. With one imminent hatching right after another, no one can really blame them, but still. They have nothing to do, and they get antsy. They're good kids."

"We're done!" One of the children announced, marching forward and putting his hands out not just for examination. "Bread please."

"Here you are my love."

And the food was happily doled out, the children going to sit by the contented green after they were given permission. They actually talked quietly amongst themselves, too tired after the hard work they'd put in to mess around too much. There was a little pushing among the older kids, but a hard look and a sharp, "Behave," cured them of that just as soon as it started.

The boy with the burned arm, whose name Elrenia still did not know, walked over to her rubbing his eyes. And when she lifted him into her lap, he dozed quietly. It was a truly peaceful affair, in the small weyr. And Eolith certainly didn't mind laying amongst the throng of children when one of them hesitantly raised a hand to scratch above her eye the way he'd been shown to do so on Koth.

Everything was quiet, a small blessing in such a busy place, and everyone seemed happy. Warm, fed, and _happy_. Happy was good. Happy meant things were okay for the time being. Happy meant everything, absolutely _everything_ to a girl who'd been anything, and everything _but_ happy for a short eternity. And, as though sensing that she was thinking about, Mirah reached forward and touched Elrenia's hand.

"Good day?"

"Great day," Elrenia confirmed. Returning the question, "Good day?"

"Interesting day. N'mon? Good day?"

"Excellent day." And, with a smile, he assured, "You and the kids can help me scrub Eolith _any_ time."


	26. Chapter 25

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 25**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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"Good morning, Elrenia."

The nights were getting easier as the days grew more productive. There was less time to ponder the what if's and could have been's when she was busy in the here and now. Over the course of her life, she'd heard this kind of life condemned by many people she thought were wise, but while living in such a loathed way she didn't see a problem.

"Elrenia?"

It made her feel better, to not have to think about the things that ailed her. When her feet ached at the end of the day she blamed it on Z'den and his "training", in an appreciative way. When a roast started burning on the spit and she recoiled so badly that an entire stack of bowls fell and needed to be cleaned again she blamed it on the fact that the smoke burned her eyes. All were real, acceptable excuses even if they weren't the only issues.

"I said good morning."

H'val stopped by the Weyr briefly a sevenday after he left to check up on her, and fill her in on what was going on at home. But they barely spoke for an hour before he was gone again. His pleasure at her growth left a bittersweet warmth in her stomach. She was overcoming, and convinced it was okay to do so, even if it really wasn't.

"Elrenia?"

Z'den kept her mornings full of education, the children kept her days full of chores and wonderment, but the nights left to her alone…

"Elrenia!"

"Huh?" she jumped, startled by the shout of her blonde companion. "What?"

"You're doing it again!"

"What? What am I doing?"

"Over analyzing. Thinking about who knows what, _way_ too intensely." The blonde sighed. "What in the world is on your mind, dear?"

"I… I feel productive."

"In a good way?"

"Yes?"

"Really?"

"I… Yes."

Another sigh, and Elrenia had the distinct impression that she was being silently scolded. "You're happy here, aren't you?"

The question threw her off guard, because honestly it wasn't something that she thought too hard about. In fact, it was something she tried to avoid, when she wasn't directly questioned like this. There was no logical reason to dwell, to wonder, to confuse herself when she was _okay_ with the way things were. But Mirah was looking at her in an almost hopeful way. She couldn't just blow off the question.

So she considered. _Am I happy here?_ She was happier in the Weyr than she would have been wandering aimlessly, that didn't take very much thought. Anything would have been better than wandering the countryside. Here she had allies, and people who genuinely seemed to care about her. It was more than she would have been willing to ask for that day on the Tall Hill. She was content in her place at the Weyr. But… but was contentment _happiness_? Was settling for something that was better than what she'd originally expected really good enough?

"Elrenia?" The blonde looked much less serious now, having failed to get an answer from the girl. Unsure, perhaps. "You _are_ happy here, right?"

"I…" She didn't want to lie, but felt the truthful answer lay somewhere between a yes and a no. How could she explain that? "I…"

"Elrenia?"

"I don't know."

Expecting some sort of explosion from the girl, an angry response at the betrayal, Elrenia cringed. But all the blonde did was sigh. "Come on," Mirah spoke gently, taking hold of her arm. "Let's go for a walk."

A walk? "I need to eat and find Z'den—"

"Sayath just told Arlith that you'll be a little late. It's fine." Mirah may have been younger than Elrenia, smaller than Elrenia, but she was a force to be reckoned with. She didn't often take no for an answer, and she had a very keen sense of what should and shouldn't be. There was no use in fighting when she was convinced that something needed to happen. And, apparently, a walk needed to happen.

So the brunette followed the girl out of the lower caverns, out into the bowl were the dragonets were splashing about in the cool water of the lake. Watching the little creatures made her smile every time. To think that the small things would grow to be the massive beasts watching with amusement from the heights was amazing. To think that the children handling those little dragons would be adults sooner than any of them thought. They would have responsibilities like they never could have imagined. They would no longer be living for themselves, they wouldn't even be living solely for their dragons. No. They would be living for Pern.

_Please grow well_. And she extended the thought to more than just the young Werylings. She would have given anything to see the children, under the careful eye of one of the older riders, mature into men and women even more amazing than they already were. Maybe, by helping to watch them, and care for them, she could facilitate such a thing. Maybe, just maybe, by being a part of their childhood she could prevent them from being the despicable people that everyone had the distinct potential to be. Everyone _could_ be bad. But everyone _could_ be good. They just needed a chance to be.

"Elrenia!" was squealed from the side, and the boy with the burned arm rushed over to her at the awkward waddle that young children tended to do before they really got hold of their sense of balance. Upon arriving at the brunette's side his arms shot up in a silent demand to be lifted, and once her surprisingly strong arms were hoisting him into the air he gave her a hug. "Good morning, Elrenia."

"Good morning, sweetling."

"Did you sleep good?"

"I slept fine." She smiled, honestly unable to react in any other way to the child. "Did you?"

"I slept okay, but Yanis snores!"

"Oh does he?"

"Yeah! Loud. Like Koth."

Elrenia honestly tried not to laugh at this, but it was difficult. He had such an adult expression of outrage on his face that he resembled a little man. It was several moments later that she finally managed to ask, "You don't want to play with the others?" knowing she should be surprised that he wasn't waiting anxiously a safe distance from the lake, hoping to be invited to join in with the scrubbing.

"I wanted to say hello." And he kissed her cheek before requesting, "Down please?"

"Have a good morning dear." And, obediently, Elrenia set him on the ground. "I'll see you after lunch."

"Yup!"

The little boy waddled back to the others, pointing and causing the group of kids to turn and wave, shouting greetings to the two women as Mirah started to lead Elrenia away once more. "You'll see them later," she assured, and the brunette nodded. "It seems Danaen's taken a liking to you."

"Danaen?"

"The little boy you were just holding."

"Oh," Elrenia laughed. "So that's his name. I… well, I never really got around to asking. They're so hyperactive in the middle of the day that there just never seems to be enough time for those formalities."

"You always get them right after they eat," Mirah said with a grin. "Of course they're hyper."

"They're good kids."

"I know." Motioning to the far end of the bowl, Mirah asked, "Shall we?"

"Why are we walking?"

"Because you need some fresh air, and time to think. I notice you've been extremely busy recently."

"I enjoy doing work."

"Do you enjoy not having any time for yourself?"

It may have been bad, but she _did_. She _enjoyed_ not having time for herself. She hated the long nights alone. Hated the way that her mind was left to wander, and she needed to constantly clean, or rearrange in order to keep herself from thinking about things better left unthought of! Did she enjoy not having any time for herself? "Yes."

"Elrenia?"

"I-I don't like having… having time for me to just… to not do anything." She ignored the shock with which Mirah was gazing at her. "I don't _like_ it."

"Why?"

"I…" Sighing, she leaned against the far wall of the bowl, sliding down it to sit. "I don't know."

"Do you really believe that?"

"What?"

"That you don't know?"

No. She knew why, but didn't have the words for it.

"Elrenia?"

"I… I don't know."

"Does this… is this about what you talked to Robinton about?"

She didn't say yes.

She didn't have to.

"Oh, Elrenia," Mirah murmured, moving to sit beside the girl as she pulled her knees up to her chin, wrapping her arms around them protectively. "Oh, dear. It… you're _safe_ here, don't you know that?"

"I-I know."

"Do you?" The blonde ran her hands through her hair. "You keep saying that you do but you're still hiding."

"I…" There was nothing else to say. Mirah _knew_, and Elrenia was ashamed. Logic told her that she was safe. There was no way that anyone could hurt her, not with so many dragons watching her with their riders, not to mention the many _other_ people. She knew they were. She _knew_ that people kept an eye on her. All the time. When she was training with Z'den girls dropped by with drinks and towels. When she was with the children there were a dozen glowing eyes watching them carefully.

The only time she was ever _truly_ alone was the middle of the night, when everyone was fast asleep. And she hated it. It was illogical, because even in the middle of the night there was a dragon on the heights with his rider, watching, but she was always afraid he'd sneak into her weyr. She was afraid she'd hear his infernal chuckle, and next thing anyone knew…

"You're better when H'val is here."

"What?"

"When H'val is here… you're not so afraid."

"I guess."

"But why?"

Because Koth was always in her head, telling her that everything would be okay. Because H'val had already stood up to the Weyrleader for her. Because she had no doubt that he'd take a knife for her. Because he was the one that saved her in the first place, even if she was acting like a fardling idiot when they first met. She'd never met someone more loyal, with a stronger sense of justice, than the young man still in Fort with his family. When H'val was there she was never _truly_ alone, and in that she felt a deep seeded security. The same security she used to feel in complete isolation.

And still, with Mirah watching her calmly, waiting for a response she murmured, "I don't know."

"Crackdust." There was never any lying to Mirah. She knew _everything_. "Talk to me."

_I don't want to_.

_But will you talk to me?_

Nearly jumping to her feet at the gentle voice in her mind, Elrenia looked about in confusion. It wasn't Koth. She _knew_ Koth's voice. This… this was… the young Gold sitting on a low ledge nearby, watching her with swirling blue-purple eyes. It took a moment, but the queen was recognizable. _Sayath?_

_You are sad that Koth is not here to watch you?_

_ A… little._

_ You are never alone_.

"She's right, Elrenia."

"Mirah?"

"Sayath is right." One of Elrenia's hands were taken, squeezed carefully by her blonde friend. "You're never alone here. Even when you think you are, you're never alone. Not here."

"She… why is she talking to me?"

"Sayath likes you, Elrenia. Didn't you know?"

"I figured that… you know, since you like me she doesn't mind me, but…"

"She likes you." No question, just confidence. Mirah meant what she was saying, and smiled as she said it. "I think all the dragons do." This got a small grin from Elrenia as well, her heart fluttering softly to think of being approved of by so many wonderful creatures. "You're good. They _like_ good people."

"Really?" she couldn't help asking. "You really think they like me?"

"Koth does. Sayath does. Arlith does—"

"You have no proof of that."

"You've clearly never seen him react to someone he _doesn't_ like."

This was true, and so Elrenia didn't pursue the subject. She just listened to the carefully named list of dragons that just _might_ have actually taken to her. Ramoth hadn't minded her around the few times she'd seen the big queen, but then she hadn't actually seen her in person since she'd laid her eggs. Mnementh never minded her going up to the Weyrwoman's chambers from the bowl, not so long as she greeted him. Canth didn't mind her in the least.

Even so, being willing to put up with someone's presence, did not mean that one was well liked. _How many times am I going to go over this?_ She'd been willing to put up with _his_ presence before he decided to massacre her family. His constant lingering hadn't been appreciated, but she dealt with it quietly, and politely. How could she be sure that the dragons weren't doing the same? How did she—how did _anyone_ know that they weren't just putting up with her because their riders liked her, or had an obligation to her?

Koth, she knew, genuinely enjoyed her company. He'd said so on no too few occasions, and she couldn't even imagine doubting his words. Now, perhaps, she'd be willing to believe that Sayath liked her. But the others? No. There was no convincing her of this. Why would one so majestic as Ramoth like someone so lowly, and worthless as her.

_Don't speak so of yourself, small one._

How exactly did riders deal with having their dragons constantly in their thoughts? There was no privacy. But, then, in a _Weyr_ there was no privacy. She'd learned this her very first day, with girl's slipping in and out of her room with poor excuses, just to catch a glimpse of her. She'd learned this when she'd grown ill and _everyone_ knew exactly what had happened.

There were no secrets in a Weyr. However, as annoying as this was a lot of the time, it was also oddly comforting. She couldn't deny that she it helped her feel just a _little_ safer than she would have, had everyone _not_ been firmly involved in her business. The _Weyrfolk_ didn't seem to dislike her, and so if they saw anything bad happen, they'd surely put a stop to it. It was in their nature to protect their own and, while she was there, she was one of them.

"Would it bother you so much if they didn't _like_ you?" Mirah asked quietly, turning her head to gaze at the oddly grinning brunette. There was a sort of relief in the blonde's bright brown eyes, to see Elrenia's spirits lifted even slightly, but she still seemed bothered by the whole situation. "There are so many people they simply accept. Is it bad to simply be accepted by dragons?"

There was simply no way she'd ever get used to so many people simply _predicting_ what was on her mind, but still the girl had no difficulty coming up with an answer. "Of course not!" Elrenia replied immediately. She _wanted_ to be liked, but it was _not_ so bad to merely be… endured, even if the thought stung her deeply. "But…"

"It _is_ important to you though."

"I… yes." The only reason Koth spoke to her, beyond being worried and young during their first encounter, was that he liked her. The reason Sayath deigned to speak to her was because _she_ liked her. If… if other dragons liked her, logically there was a better chance that they'd speak to her too. She wasn't blessed with the ability to speak to and hear any dragon she wanted to, though she would have given anything to be like Lessa, or Brekke. "I… I _like_ the dragons. They seem to have a better sense of right and wrong than most men."

"I can't argue that."

It wasn't the only reason, and Elrenia could tell that Mirah knew this, but that was okay. For some reason the young woman decided to leave the situation alone, and Elrenia appreciated it. There was never a moment that she wanted to argue, especially not with someone that she enjoyed the presence of. Deep within her mind there was the very real fear of alienating the only people she had. The very real fear that she'd say the wrong thing, and suddenly be alone again. She didn't _want_ to be alone again. She didn't want to be alone _ever_.

_You are __**never**__ alone._

So said a dragon, gazing carefully down at her from a ledge, and who was she to argue? That the creature was willing to reassure her was more than enough. That she was speaking the words Elrenia so desperately longed to believe was only better still. If _she_ said it, then maybe it was true.

It had to be. Dragons didn't lie, not as far as she knew. In fact, somehow she doubted that they were _capable_ of deception such as that. Withholding information for the better of their rider, as was the case with Koth, yes. Forgetting things as was their nature, of course. But…

"Do dragons lie?"

The question, so off topic, stunned Mirah into silence for a prolonged second. Then, "Pardon?"

Elrenia was not entirely sure how to go about explaining. "I have never heard of dragons lying," she finally murmured. "Do… do they lie?"

"No."

Somehow this settled her, and she leaned against the wall, staring across the bowl with an odd sort of contentment. Dragons did not lie. Sayath said that she was never alone, and therefore it was the truth. Koth said he would never let her get hurt, and so this was the truth. The words of men meant nothing. They were fickle things, tossed about carelessly. But the dragons, incapable of deception, meant every single thing they said. And here Elrenia was, not a rider, barely a member of the Weyr, with the honor of speaking to _two_ dragons.

How lucky could such an unlucky girl be?

"Arlith says that Z'den is asking for you."

"I should probably go eat then."

"Or, you could take the morning off."

Though the idea was tempting, Elrenia shook her head and levered herself off of the ground. "He's been so kind, taking time out of his day to teach me. I couldn't simply _not_ show up because I want to."

"Maybe you should work out a schedule of sorts," Mirah suggested. "So you don't accidentally strain yourself, trying to learn this stuff."

"I'll bring it up to him." And, after lowering a hand and pulling the blonde to her own feet, Elrenia was making her way back to the lower caverns. Smiling at the eternally irritated looking man as he sipped his klah.

"Good talk?" he asked, barely looking up at her as he did.

"I suppose. I'll go get my food—"

"Perhaps we should… take a break today."

The suggestion was so random that Elrenia couldn't help but stop walking, looking back at the messy haired man as she tried to figure out when exactly Mirah had spoken to him about this. Honestly though, as much as she appreciated the girl, her meddling could be outrageous. "Oh?"

"Apparently, Arlith has been scolded by Sayath for allowing me to—and I quote—'make the small one so sleepy'." Perhaps she was mistaken in thinking so, but the girl could almost swear there was a hint of amusement in the man's tone. "Are you tired Elrenia?"

"No, Brown Rider."

"Don't you 'Brown Rider' me," the man practically growled, eyes narrowing as all signs of amusement were instantly banished. "I expect the truth when I ask you a question. Are you tired?"

How did he know she was lying? _How do they always know? _And why in the world did being referred to by his title suddenly bother him?

"I…" The truth. He wanted the truth. "I am. But… it's not you."

"Then what is it?" he asked, motioning for her to sit down across from him before pushing a bowl of food and a cup of klah in her direction. _Why does he have extra food? Was he expecting this?_ "Why are you tired? Are the children being a handful?"

"No, Bro—Z'den. It has nothing to do with any of you, honestly."

After an evaluating stare the man nodded his head. But unlike Mirah, he didn't leave well enough alone. Right as the girl was preparing to breathe a sigh of relief, he asked, "Then what is it?"

_What does he expect me to say?_ Mirah had been frustrated that she was still frightened. He… she could only imagine his angry disappointment. She didn't _want_ to imagine it, but the moment it entered her mind she couldn't help it. After admitting the truth, he'd look at her with those deep green eyes, and just sigh. His sigh would say, quiet clearly, that all of his work was for nothing. He'd stop helping her. He would move on to pretending that she didn't exist, and once more she would be left alone.

But she was never alone.

Sayath said so herself.

"I…" Unwilling to deal with such a silly dilemma at the moment, she skirted the issue by murmuring, "I miss H'val."

"But, you're the one that told him to go."

"I know, but…"

"You miss Koth as well?"

"Yes." It almost startled her that he seemed to understand.

"They're the ones that brought you here, of course you miss them." And that was that. Z'den understood, and a knot she hadn't realized was deep within her stomach uncoiled immediately. "They'll both be back very soon," the man assured. "He misses you as well."

"He… he does?"

"Of course he does," the man responded blithely. "Quite a bit, actually."

"How… how do you know?"

"Koth bespeaks Arlith every night to check on you," he said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "The dimglow is somehow convinced that you're not getting all of the attention you need because he's gone. As though we'd let you waste away without him constantly prodding us."

"He's… worried about me?"

"Yes," the man said with a shrug. Motioning for her to eat and drink, a silent order that he seemed to give quite often now that she thought about it. "Koth has a hard time speaking to you, being so far away. With Lessa it's easier, because she's sensitive to dragons. According to Arlith, Koth says that your voice is a soft buzz when he's in Fort, and this worries him. Perhaps even more than it worries H'val, if that's even possible."

"I… didn't know they worried."

"Did you think they did not?"

"I suppose."

"Do you forget that he is the one who sat with you every day when you were ill?" the man asked, not unkindly, with the sternest of expressions. "Even if there is no true attachment there, which I assure you is not the case, he's put too much energy into keeping you safe and well to forget about you so easily."

"He's… attached to me?"

"Very much so, my dear."

She refused to admit there was a flutter in her stomach at the thought. A thousand tiny firelizards set loose in her bowels, batting about like mad.

"Now, eat your food so we can begin for the day." And then, sort of as an afterthought, added on, "Unless you'd prefer not to."

"Never." She meant it. "You… can go on ahead, if you'd prefer. I can eat by myself."

With an oddly mysterious smirk, he murmured, "Never." Then, a moment later, "And don't rush. You'll be sick, and I'll be forced to sit through a Brekke-lecture."

"Oh, the horror."

"Don't tease, lest you be subjugated to one as well."

"Sorry, Z'den," she chuckled.

As always, the food was delicious. Manora was excellent at her job, keeping the food coming at all times of the day and night, but the first servings were always best. There was no way to get around this, ever. With excellent food in front of her, it was hard not to enjoy eating, though she still managed to do so in the meticulous manner that got the occasional joke from a Weyrling, quickly glared back into place by Z'den. A sort of tradition, as she saw it.

How she ever doubted that she was well protected here was beyond her, even with a knot of worry in her gut.


	27. Chapter 26

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 26**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Delicious though breakfast was, Elrenia found it extremely difficult to focus on anything _but_ the approaching brown rider—F'nor. The man very rarely spoke to her when not in Brekke's presence, and she took no insult. Considering her first meeting with him was accompanied with a rather severe attack of nerves, she simply past his distance off as his being about as nervous around her as she was around him. Except, where her fear of him was nonsensical, his worry of her was very real. For if he did _anything_ to set her off, a dozen kitchen girls would be there to rip his arms from his body and beat him with them (and that was _just_ the kitchen girls, not the children, Weyrlings, or riders that liked her!)

"Brown Rider," she greeted with a formal bow of her head, following up immediately with a smile and, "F'nor," when he sighed heavily at the decorum.

"Good morning, Elrenia. Z'den."

"F'nor," Z'den responded almost boredly. "How can I help you?"

"You can't," he said with a simple shrug. "Lessa wants to speak to you, Elrenia, when you're done eating." And, as an after thought as the girl started to tense up, the man promised, "You're not in trouble. Don't worry."

About to walk away from the two, clearly intent on getting food for himself, Elrenia nearly shouted in her haste to get the man's attention. "F'nor?" He turned the second she spoke, and Z'den raised an eyebrow at the almost stricken look on her face. It was as though she couldn't breathe. But… "Will… will you eat with us?"

A radiant smile crossed the man's face, right as he nodded. "It would be my pleasure, Elrenia."

Watching the man walk away, with every intention of returning, gave Elrenia a very distinct feeling of accomplishment. Even Z'den looked, perhaps, a little proud of her. It was a silly thing, feeling so great for asking someone to sit with her, but it was so very real. Having invited a _man_ to sit with her only made the victory that much sweeter.

The happy flush, however, quickly descended into silent panic long before the brown rider returned with his meal. Had she done the right thing? It would have been rude for him to decline her offer, and so maybe he just accepted to be polite. Was she pulling him away from his friends? She wasn't his friend. Would he even be _comfortable_ sitting with her? Probably not. Thus far she'd given him—

"Elrenia, calm down," Z'den spoke calmly, reaching out to touch her hand gently. "F'nor has wanted to get to know you since the moment Brekke got involved with you. You're not imposing. You're not bothering him. You won't insult him. You… what else could you possibly be worried about?"

"I'm not worried!" she denied immediately, blushing when he stared at her hard. "I… how could you tell?"

"Your shoulders just about pulled up to your ears, and you were looking around the room like you were planning an escape route," the man explained in an almost gentle manner, releasing her hand from his careful hold before she had the chance to jerk away. "So how about we don't jump to any conclusions? And, if he does anything wrong, I'll punch him in the throat for you."

Laughing at the abrupt offer, Elrenia found herself smiling quite naturally at F'nor when he finally arrived at the table with his meal. For a moment he almost looked disconcerted, but Z'den pulled him to the bench beside himself, and motioned for him to enjoy his meal.

"It's delicious today."

"As though it ever isn't?"

"Do you recall the time that Lisette—"

"Oh, no. Don't make me relive the horror of the burned porridge."

"Just making a point."

"Lucky you weren't here for that, Elrenia," F'nor offered, hoping to get the girl involved in the conversation. "Lisette got taken off kitchen duty not long after that. No one wanted to deal with her cookery."

"Burned porridge is only bad if you scrape from the bottom," was the girl's choice of response. "I… I mean it doesn't taste quite as good as properly prepared porridge, but…" _Why am I rambling? Why can't I shut up? Why am I still talking?_

"She managed to burn the whole pot," the brown rider explained matter-of-factly. "And it wasn't the first time she'd done so, either."

Pulling a face, Elrenia murmured, "That… takes effort."

"We assume the first few burnings were by accident, and then she just started doing it on purpose to get out of kitchen duty. That one was a lazy young woman."

"Not a weyrbrat then?"

"A Holder girl that failed to impress, and didn't want to go home."

"Are all of them like that?"

"Sometimes," F'nor shrugged negligently, gulping his klah in a way that almost rivaled Mirah. "Most of the time they're pretty well behaved though. It's only the girl's from… more prominent families that seem to have problems. The girl's from smaller Holds and Cotholds are usually happy to have a place here, be it Rider or worker."

"Like you," Z'den offered.

"Oh, shells," was about all the response Elrenia could muster, blushing for some reason. "I… I'm not… I don't…"

"Don't you say you don't have a place here," F'nor waved his spoon about for emphasis. "I'm pretty sure if you were to leave now, most of the girls, and all of the kids would cause a riot trying to get you to come back."

"Hardly."

"It's true," the blonde man agreed immediately, smirking at the girl's increasing embarrassment. "Like it or not, you're one of them now, lady."

It would be a warm day _between_ before Elrenia admitted feeling quite so special because of the joking comments from a couple of men, but she couldn't help grinning at the two of them over her cup of klah. F'nor… was okay. This became increasingly more obvious the more he spoke. He seemed so natural with people, greeting friends that walked by, laughing and joking with Z'den in a way she was sure would have had lesser men flown South with the Oldtimers. But none of what he said or did seemed even mildly malicious to a girl prone to extreme paranoia.

Taking note of good people was important to her, _very_ important. Without the reminder that people could be good, and kind, and friendly, Elrenia found herself stuck in a cycle of doubt and fear. Perhaps it was pitiful for her to rely so heavily on other's, but she found it was honestly the only way. _Perhaps it is now,_ a gentle voice pushed into Elrenia's mind. Sayath's voice. _But not forever. People are good. You are good. You are with good people. It is okay._

As much as she complained about the dragons dearest to her constantly posing their opinions to her inner most thoughts, the girl couldn't deny the way a wave of relief washed over her to know that there was yet another beautiful beast in her mind. Just for a moment, every time Koth spoke to her, she wondered why he thought it was okay to _always_ be listening to her mind… but she was grateful for it. He always knew exactly when her demons were pulling her under the current, and he was always there, ready and willing to pull her back up for air. Now the Gold seemed prepared to do the exact same thing.

_Maybe this is just a dream. Maybe none of this is real. Maybe this is just wishful thinking._

_ If that is what you wish to believe._

_ Is it though?_

_ No. This is real. You are safe._

_ Good._

_ Very._

"Dragon talk?" Z'den interrupted her conversation with a bit of a grin, leaning just slightly forward across the table to look at the girl.

"It's really quite… strange, to see one who's never known the pleasure of being a rider with _that_ expression on their face."

Hesitantly, Elrenia breathed, "Bad strange?" hoping that the answer was no.

Thus her relief was palpable when F'nor shook his head, muttering, "Kinda nice to be perfectly honest."

"Oh?"

"If the other Holders could just _see_ you, a Cotholder, not from here, taken in by the dragons, they'd understand that we _don't_ try to hold ourselves that far above them." The brown rider sighed, in a way that indicated to the girl that he was speaking of an actual _problem_. "We hold ourselves to different standards, yes. And we expect a certain amount of respect from the people we protect. But we're not _trying_ to make the Weyrfolk a… a…"

"A 'supreme people'?"

"Exactly!"

"Is… is that a quote?" Elrenia asked, an air of shock about her. "Who in the world would _say_ something silly like that?"

"You get three guesses, and one clue," F'nor smirked. "He's a Lord Holder."

It took all of three seconds for Elrenia to guess, "Lord Holder Corman?"

"Got it in one," Z'den approved, seemingly shocked. "Good guess. How'd you make it?"

"He… I'm not sure I've heard a single one of you say anything _good_ about him," she explained. "You all seem to be awfully good judges of character. I… he must not be a particularly pleasant man."

"There's been worse."

"Oh?"

"Among our own kind even."

"Kind?"

"Dragonriders!."

Suddenly Elrenia looked stricken, sucking her cheeks in as she attempted not to say what was on her mind. The last thing she wanted to do was insult this man, but… after such a statement it was difficult. Especially while F'nor was leaning in with such _interest_.

"What's on your mind, Elrenia?"

"N-nothing."

"Liar," Z'den accused.

"Now you have to tell us."

"I-I-I… No?"

"Is that a question?"

Cheeks growing hot with a sort of agitation at that _silly_ phrase, Elrenia bit her tongue hard to keep her thoughts to herself. Alienation was _not_ the key to success in this situation. The last thing she wanted to do was make the brown rider feel like he'd said or done anything wrong… even if he had.

"Elrenia?"

"'Our own kind'."

"Pardon?"

"That's your problem," she sighed. "'Our own kind', and things like it. Just _saying_ that is putting yourself above everyone else. And while I wouldn't argue that you_ aren't_ above common folk… you can't _claim_ that you're not and then say stuff like that. If you want to say that you're just like everyone else, you can't just put yourself in a separate category. It doesn't work that way."

There was a prolonged period of silence, wherein Elrenia waited anxiously for whatever _punishment_ she'd get for being so rude to a brown rider, but Z'den just chuckled. "I guess you're right."

"I… I am?"

"You are. It's… hypocritical. I despise hypocrisy."

"Good job," F'nor laughed, reaching out to pat the girl's hand. And, for once, she didn't recoil at the sudden contact. "You caught Z'den with his foot in his mouth. Takes real talent, kid."

"Don't patronize her, F'nor."

"I'm not," the man said, rolling his eyes. "I'm serious. Not everyone manages, or has the courage to talk to you like that."

"Courage? Why would it take courage to tell me when I've said something wrong?"

"Care to explain that one too, Elrenia?" F'nor offered joking, but grew quiet when the girl nodded her head.

She _did_ want to speak. She wanted to tell Z'den why he scared everyone. But when the two turned to look at her, and listen to her answer, she froze up. However, after a second, she regained her composure enough to squeak, "You… kinda look like you could breathe fire better than an angry dragon… s-sometimes."

F'nor's guffawing echoed in the emptying cavern, and when the girl's mask of terror faded into a bemused grin at the teary eyed man still laughing, Z'den couldn't help but grin a little himself. And when he reached forward to pat Elrenia's hand, she didn't flinch away. And when he smiled just a little wider she didn't question it.

"Finally getting a backbone I see," he murmured, nodding his head in transparent approval. "About time."

"Don't insult her, Z'den," F'nor warned. "I won't save you from Brekke if you make her cry."

Brushing off the warning with a shrug, the man merely explained, "She isn't going to cry," with all the confidence in the world.

What may have been the best part of the whole situation was the fact that he was right. And that thought stayed with her as she excused herself from the table, citing that her meal was done, and it was rude to keep the Weyrwoman waiting. A knot of worry remained deep in her gut, even as she smiled and passed by the two brown riders on her way out of the cavern, after dealing with her dishes, but then she didn't think that feeling would ever really fade.

Though, when Z'den reached out, taking hold of her hand to keep her in place for a moment so he could murmur, "Chin up. Everything will be fine, dear one," the knot loosened just a little. When passing a young woman in the hall, Elrenia was greeted with a hug and a compliment on her healthy complexion, and it loosened further. A child wanting a hug and a kiss seemed to make the worry dissipate _completely_. However, the feeling of relief lasted only until she called her presence out to the Weyrwoman, and was beckoned into her chambers.

Then it was back in full force.

The small woman, hair braided loosely against the nape of her neck, was sitting at her table, sipping at a cup of klah as she read something. Elrenia hadn't the faintest idea what it could possibly be, but the thought that it might just concern her tightened the knot of worry further. The way the woman looked up at her without lifting her head, as though she was glaring, only made it even worse.

_How can I possibly feel worse?_ she wondered, nodding her head politely at the woman. _And… how do I even know it's about me? Am I really so conceited? _

Still, without anything better to do with her hands, Elrenia wrung them nervously in her tunic. For a moment she considered taking a seat, but dreaded doing so uninvited in such an important person's weyr. The last thing she wanted to do was insult the woman. The woman who could throw her out.

_No, _she told herself firmly. _No thinking that. She won't. She said she wouldn't. And she wouldn't be allowed to, regardless_. All she needed to do was bring to mind what Mirah had told her. The fiery little blonde wouldn't permit the Weyrwoman to just send her away. _Have faith_.

That was the key.

That was the key to _everything_.

And still, she didn't know proper protocol for being alone with the Weyrwoman, in her chambers, upon personal invitation. Was she expected to bow? Was… was there something special she was supposed to do or say?

The chance for her to ponder this ran out as Lessa finally took pity on her and calmly breathed, "Elrenia."

"Weyrwoman."

"Lessa, please."

"O-O-Of course… Lessa. Good day."

"To you as well."

Oh, how Elrenia despised formalities. They made her uncomfortable, firstly. But beyond that they were just _pointless_ most of the time. They served one purpose, for the better of the people involved to look as important as possible, to as many of their underlings as possible, and if it _didn't_ serve this purpose than it just made everyone involved uncomfortable. Like now. And the worst part was, Elrenia never seemed to know when it was okay to just _skip_ the formalities.

"So, are you enjoying your time here at the Weyr?"

"Of course, Weyrwoman."

"Lessa."

"Lessa. I… it's great here. Everyone's wonderful. And…" She felt color rising up her cheeks even before she spoke, but simply couldn't leave it unsaid. It was important to her that the woman know this. Though she made certain she thanked people every single day for their kindnesses, she still felt as though she never said it enough. She would _never_ be able to say it enough. It was _important_ to her that this was a place she was accepted, and she wished to express this… "Well, I don't know a person on all of Pern who could overlook the chance to _live_ with dragons!" …Even if she didn't have the exact words to do so yet.

"They're wonderful, aren't they?"

"Magnificent!"

"Is it true that Koth talks to you?"

Feeling, suddenly, that they were walking into deadly waters, Elrenia was quick to assure, "Not like the dragons talk to you, lady—Erm, Lessa. Nothing at _all_ like they speak to you."

"Just Koth then?"

"Yes." She paused. Considered. Was it worth it to lie to the Weyrwoman? "Sayath spoke to me briefly today." _Nothing is worth lying to a Weyrwoman._

"Lucky girl."

"I know. It's… wonderful." It occurred to her then that there was likely no one in the entire Weyr that understood dragons better than Lessa did. Maybe _she _could answer the question that had been bothering her… "Do… you have any idea why they'd talk… to me?"

"They like you," she said simply. "That's usually why they talk to someone that's not their rider."

"But… why _me_?"

"Why not?"

But was it really that simple? It seemed to be, as Lessa leaned forward to pick her cup of klah from the table, taking a leisurely sip as Elrenia contemplated what was said. _Why __**not**__ me?_ It bothered her to not know the absolute motives of the dragons, but who said that the majestic creatures even understood what a motive _was_ in all their innocent glory?

"You're good," Lessa deigned to explain when she noticed the girl struggling with the simple answer. "You're kind, and patient. You've got a good head on your shoulders. They respect that."

"They do?"

"Very much so." The little woman just nodded, watching the brunette carefully over her drink. "A good mind is indicative of a potential leader."

"A… leader?"

"I… didn't call you up here just to discuss how you're settling in." This wasn't exactly _news_ to Elrenia. She'd figured as much, but still fondled the hem of her shirt nervously, waiting for the woman to explain. "I've been watching you, we all have."

"I'm sorry if I've done—"

"You haven't done anything," she assured immediately, raising a hand to stop all protests and interruptions. "I'm not kicking you out, I've assured you of this in the past. Nothing's changed." And, as much as this relieved the girl, it also made her more anxious about what the woman _wanted_ to discuss. "You've done an excellent job with the children."

There was that warm glow at having been complimented so, rearing it's head in her heart once more. "Thank you, Lessa."

"It's taken you a little while to settle in, but you've been doing a good job taking command of them, consider how much of a handful they can be."

"They're generally good kids."

"You… also do a good job with the dragons."

This was almost startling. A comment on her handling of the children was to be expected when people discussed her, at this point. There wasn't a day that went by when she wasn't put in charge of the little group. But… the dragons? When had she dealt with the dragons? There was Koth, of course, but he didn't really count. She'd had brief dealings with both Sayath and Arlith, but never spent much time with them.

Eolith and N'mon then?

The Green Rider had started spreading the word to the younger riders how good a job the kids had done scrubbing the girl, and so they'd helped a few people in the cold lake. It wasn't laziness on the part of the riders so much as a dislike for the brisk cold. And as the cool season was melting into the cold season, the water was only getting colder and colder. There was no reason for someone to be in the lake longer than absolutely necessary, even if that meant enlisting a little help.

"I spoke to N'mon, and the others."

"I… I'm sorry if I overstepped—"

"That's your only problem."

"Lessa?"

"You could impress," the woman said suddenly, confidently, without any warning much to Elrenia's complete and utter astonishment, "if only you'd have more conviction. Are you unsure about your dealings with the dragons—not their riders—the dragons?"

A moment's pause to think, and then, "No, Lessa."

"Then stand by your decisions."

"Yes, Lessa."

"We want you to stand at the Impression."

"Huh?" Caught somewhere between elated and seasick, the brunette could only sit there staring at the little Weyrwoman. Clearly she'd misunderstood whatever had just been said, because the woman could _not_ have offered her the opportunity… There was just no way that she could possibly be a…

"You could impress Gold, Elrenia. Mnementh said so himself."

"Is… isn't the Weyrleader the one that usually…"

"Or one of the Wingmen, yes. But… F'lar felt it would be best if _I _was the one who asked you, instead of him, seeing as you're still quite… nervous around men."

Men. _Gold? Gold's mate. Gold's…_ Just the thought of being subjected to a dragon flight was enough to demolish every ounce of excitement that she wanted to feel. She couldn't do it. She couldn't _possibly _allow her… People said that dragons took their rider's preferences into consideration, but… "No."

"No?" Raising an eyebrow, Lessa simply sat and waited for an explanation.

As it were, for such a volatile, occasionally hostile woman, Lessa was exceptionally patient. She just sat there, waiting for Elrenia regain her composure and figure out what to say. To the panicking young woman, who stood up and paced just to keep her heart from leaping from her chest, it seemed like an eternity past before she managed to say, "I couldn't possibly… I… they… m-m-mating..."

"Not for a few years, dear," Lessa assured. "They don't pop out of the egg and take to the skies. They need to grow first, and learn to fly. Once they do that, they need to grow even more before they're even _remotely_ ready for a mating flight."

_I'll __**never**__ be ready for a mating flight. _"I… I couldn't…"

"Don't say no just for that," the woman ordered firmly, but gently. She stood, and lead Elrenia back to a chair by the hand, stroking her palm tenderly to calm her. "Take your time, and think about it. Go to the lessons. Learn what you can. And if, when the Hatching comes around, you still don't feel that you're ready, I won't force you to stand." This seemed to soothe the girl significantly, and she nodded at the wisdom of the suggestion. "But let me warn you, if you are the rider of this little Queen…"

"Of course."

Elrenia left the Weyrwoman's chambers with the distinct feeling of being caught in free-fall. Impression? Her? It… the thought was so ludicrous to her, but it was… real? _Really? This is happening?_ The bright, smiling face of one of her kids right before he was wrestled to the ground told her that yes, it _was_ real. Whether she was ready for it or not, she was a candidate. _A candidate_. "By the egg…"

"Elrenia?"

"Mirah?"

"You… okay?"

"I…"

"Elrenia?"

Sensing the worry in the kind blonde's voice, Elrenia smiled and waved her closer, leaning in to whisper, "Lessa…"

"I'll rip her arms off."

"No, dimglow!" she laughed. "She… I… she asked me to stand at the Impression."

"Elrenia?"

"She took me completely by surprise. I… I don't even know what to think."

The high pitched squeal that Mirah emitted was more than enough to inform the entire Weyr what was going on _long_ before Lessa got the chance to tell anyone, but that was all right. Everything was all right. For once, everything was all right. _No_. Everything was good. _No_. Everything was _great_.

_A girl could get used to this._

_._

* * *

_**leavesfallingup, believe me, I thought about this too. And the only thing I can even vaguely remember about distance being an issue is when F'nor and Canth went to the Redstar (I may be making that up, by the way—it's only a vague recollection). But also, there aren't very many cases noted in the books of a dragon speaking to someone other than their rider, that can't hear all dragons. It's just a choice I made.**_


	28. Chapter 27

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 27**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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* * *

A shriek, so loud that several _dragons_ turned their heads in alarm, came from what was usually such a quiet young woman. But then that was simply the reaction she had to being lifted into the air and spun in a circle, dropped, turned, and kissed passionately on both cheeks. This only worried her further as she failed to catch a glimpse of the man—for it was definitely a man—touching her, until a very familiar voice pushed into her mind, _Be calm small one. It's just us._

"I rushed right over as soon as I got the good news!" H'val nearly shouted, laughing and kissing her cheek again. "I'm so happy for you."

"Oh!" Even Koth's voice in her mind didn't calm her as much as associating her accoster with her favorite blue rider. "Put me down!" And when he did, she punched his arm, muttering sharply, "Don't sneak up on me like that. You nearly stopped my heart!"

"Ow," the boy falsely complained, smile never leaving his face as he watched an elated grin spread across the girl's face. "Since when do you hit people?"

"Since when do you sneak up and attack girls?"

"Since when are you a candidate for the Hatching?"

Unable to stop herself from laughing, Elrenia jumped and wrapped her arms around the boy's neck, leaning forward slightly to lean against his shoulder. It was times like these that she despised her substantial height, wanting nothing more than to just be enveloped by a close friend, but unable to have that because she was so much _bigger_ than him! Still, the boy did considerably well for standing several inches shorter than her, lifting her by her waist as he spun her once more.

"This is your home," he explained quietly, nose dug into her neck. "This is your home. With us. With all of us. Do you see that?"

"I do," she murmured. "I see it."

"Don't ever doubt it, Elrenia."

"I won't."

"I'll hold you to it."

"I'll never forgive you if you don't."

"I'll never forgive you if you forgive me."

Laughing, the girl wiggled to be put down, and murmured, "Dimglow."

"Have a problem with that?"

"Not a one."

Pulling away from each other gave the two the perspective to see that the many people who'd been moving through the bowl were staring them at. Several of the men seemed to be caught in the middle of moving to help the girl, probably alarmed by her initial reaction to the boy, but were stopped in their tracks by confusion. _Can't blame them, _she thought, smiling and waving shyly at them. _Honestly, they probably thought I was in trouble with that noise. I must have hurt H'val's ears._

"Sorry for screaming."

"Sorry for scaring you."

Honestly, the girl didn't know if it was the boy or the good news, but she was unable to keep herself from smiling. "Forgiven?" she asked laughingly, smiling when he nodded in agreement.

"Forgiven." And with one arm around her waist, he turned her to the entrance to the Caverns. "Now, feed me. I haven't eaten."

"Deadglow! Why haven't you eaten?"

"I was busy helping my sisters at home, and then Koth practically broke into the house to get to me," he weakly explained. "He must have forgotten that he can talk to me in his excitement to tell me the news."

_Hardly_, Koth scoffed. _I was trying to get to him so I would be able to take us here as soon as I told him._

"Koth says you're a liar," she remarked as though the boy hadn't heard the thought as well, pouring the boy a bowl of porridge as he got himself a cup of klah. "Would you like to eat in my weyr?"

"You're finally calling it yours?"

This forced a blush up the girl's face, as she realized the presumptuousness of such a statement. Lessa may have formally requested that she stand at the Hatching, but that didn't give her _any_ right to assume that the weyr would be hers in the future. For all she knew, one of the other girls would Impress, and then she'd be out of a home in a few months.

_This will always be your home, small one_.

_Thank you Koth_.

So, boldly, she chose to ignore the mistake and asked, "Well, do you want to eat there or not?"

"I'd love to lady. And, that way, you can see Koth too. He's already winging his way up there."

"Good. I miss the beautiful blue."

She did, honestly. And judging by the way he nuzzled his large snout against her stomach, knocking her carelessly to the ground the moment she stepped onto the ledge, he missed her as well. It warmed her heart to think that she had such an affect on the beast. Somehow she managed to _mean_ something to one that didn't need anything, or anyone save his rider. She mattered. It was a fact that seemed to impact her more and more every day.

So the young man ate out on the ledge, sitting in the glow of the warm sun, resting up against his dragon as Elrenia stroked the beast's eye ridge. Somehow it always surprised her, how warm the creature was. Her entire life they'd seemed so distant, so cold. But they weren't. They were accessible. So were their riders. They weren't a different class of people, no matter what anyone believed.

It was a realization that was becoming clearer to her with time. No matter how low she put herself down on the social ladder of the world, she would always come back to the fact that she was part of the Weyr family, just a little. She was one of them, and therefore, no one was inherently better than her. _Not even Lessa_, Koth reminded her with sparkling eyes. _You are the better than them all._

_ Even H'val?_

_ No one is better than H'val. But you are better than the rest._

Unable to help the smile that spread across her face, the girl rubbed the boy's snout. _I'm not better than anyone_.

_You're the best to __**me**_.

When it all came down to what was most important, Elrenia was sure _that_ was it. She was important to Koth, and H'val. She was important to Mirah, maybe Sayath. She was important to the kids. If anything happened to her, _they_ would care. And _that_ was important.

Somehow the thought of being forgotten after she died was worse than the fear of dying itself. The memory of her family, even the briefest of them, would remain with her forever. But would she remain in anyone's mind—_I will always remember you_. Considering the fact that dragons were well known, even to her, for not having notable short term memory… it meant a lot to her. Because dragons may not have had short term memory, but they also never lied.

"So, how have you been?"

"Huh?"

"How have things been with me away?"

"I've missed you, if that's what you're going for," Elrenia admitted, feigning reluctance.

The effort got a smile and a laugh from the boy, but he waved a dismissive hand. "You know that's not what I'm asking," he scolded gently. "But I've missed you to." The admission warmed his face, and her heart. "Honestly, how have you been holding up?"

"I've been fine, H'val." Reaching over to pat the boy's hand, Elrenia was confident in her answer. "Everyone here has been taking good care of me. I… Z'den's been teaching me to defend myself."

"Oh?" Brown eyes turned up in mild concern at this. "Has he?"

"More nicely than he trained you, as per Mirah's… uh… directions."

"Oh course she'd make sure of that."

"Was he…" It was odd inquiring about her teacher, but Elrenia was curious about H'val. Curious about his life, and his training. She knew what he was like _now_. But what had he been like before they met? "Was he particularly harsh with you?"

"Only when I was being a brat."

"A brat?" It was almost hard to imagine, as the boy was always so responsible, and kind to her. "Why?"

"Because I was chosen by a dragon. Not to mention I came from a less than wealthy Hold. I had older brothers to contend with, so even if I weren't a failure to my father, I wouldn't have gotten anything. He didn't _have_ land to give his kids."

"So… you thought you were entitled."

"Yes." The boy didn't seem even remotely proud to admit this. "I was one of _those_ weyrlings, Elrenia. Until Z'den practically beat it out of me."

"You don't resent him?"

"No." Stretching his arms over his head, H'val yawned loudly, scrunching up his nose afterward in a way that made Elrenia grin. "If you spend enough time with the man, you realize that he has a big heart. For me… that overpowers any rough training he may have given me in the past."

"You care about him, don't you?"

"I do." And then, with the oddest expression she'd ever seen, H'val turned to her and said, "But if you tell him that, I'll deny it." And they both burst into laughter.

"You needn't fear," Elrenia assured, leaning comfortably against Koth's neck. "I'd never dream of ruining your manly image."

"I trust you."

"Good."

The silence that descended was comfortable, to say the very least. It was so rare to be around people, and not feel the _need_ to say anything. There was always an odd obligation to fill the silence. Not with H'val. Neither of them had anything to say, but somehow it was okay. They did not need to speak if they did not want to.

And still, when H'val turned to her in preparation of speaking, she was happy to hear his voice. She was _not_ however, happy to hear his words. "I told N'ton about you." Immediately her stomach knotted. "He can't wait to meet you."

"Oh?"

"He's especially glad to hear that you're a candidate now. Maybe, since Benden already has so many Queens, you can come to Fort as soon as your Gold matures enough to travel far."

"We don't even know if she's mine, H'val."

"But, if she is." Somehow it was that simple for him. Where Elrenia hated to plan to an uncertainty, the blue rider was more than happy to. He was more than happy to think of the best-case scenario and just run with it. "If she is yours, do you want to come to Fort?"

"Of course." Knowing full well that a trip to Fort was still required to locate her brother… _My brother. I can't be stuck here because of an Impression. Then I won't be able to find him._

"Elrenia?"

"Huh?"

"You okay? You look sick all of a sudden."

"I'm…"

_Small one?_

"How am I supposed to go find my brother if… if…"

"You can't leave here without your dragon."

"But… I can just… not Impress."

"If that Queen is yours, where you are doesn't matter. She will be yours."

"She can choose someone else."

"Dragons don't _choose_, like we choose our tunics, Elrenia. The proper person for them is there, and that is the one that they have."

"But, if I'm not there, then she can't choose me."

"If you're not there, and she wants you, she'll die."

"But—"

"Calm down," H'val urged the moment he noticed the girl clenching her hands in her tunic. "Calm down, okay? It'll work out fine."

"But… but Lessa wants me to Impress."

"Because you'd make a good rider. But, if now is not your time, then now is not your time."

"But—"

"There's no guarantee, Elrenia. We don't know the little dragon in that egg. We don't know who she wants. We think you _can_ impress. We don't know for sure that you will."

"But what if I do?"

"We'll handle that when we get to it."

"But—"

"Elrenia?" Z'den's voice carried through the weyr to the outer ledge, almost gentle for some reason. She'd never heard him use such a tone before, and wasn't sure how to react to it as he made his way out to her, sticking his head out to see her on the ledge. "There you are." Something about him was… altered. Different. Maybe it was the sort of grin on his face as he held a hand out to pull the girl to her feet. "Lessa wanted me to introduce you to the other candidates."

Riled up from the cut off conversation with H'val, Elrenia didn't want to have anything to do with the impression, or the candidates, or the Weyr right then. So, almost tiredly she asked, "Do I have to?"

"I'm afraid so," he murmured. Seeming to sense that something new was going on in her mind, the man explained, "You're going to be learning with them, so you might as well meet them now. It leaves a better impression."

Standing a bit reluctantly, Elrenia followed Z'den out of the Weyr, glancing back at H'val nervously. Completely prepared to simply follow the man out, H'val piped up suddenly, "Z'den, we can still find her brother if she impresses, right?"

"What?" the blonde was caught off guard by the question, looking back at the young blue rider. "Of course we can find him. Was there ever any question?"

"Well, if she Impresses she can't exactly go gallivanting around Fort."

"Wait… gallivanting?"

"She doesn't know where her brother is _exactly_."

"I see…" For a moment Z'den didn't say anything. Then, "Someone can be sent on Search for him, and if not… it'll only be a few months before she's able to fly, a few more before she's able to fly _well_. One of the senior riders could… escort you."

The breath left her body at the simple, confident explanation. "Really?"

"Really." The man simply shrugged his shoulders. "We'll find him. The Harpers may already be looking for him. They know he's alive?"

"Yes. I told Robinton particularly."

"He's probably already being looked for then." And, the moment he saw her grin in relief, he said, "Shall we?"

"I… suppose."

It wasn't that she didn't want to meet the other girls, because it was always good to meet new people… or, at least she told herself that it was. For all she knew some of the girls would be the best friends she'd ever make. The nicest, kindest women she'd ever know. _But what if they're not?_

Optimism only worked when there _wasn't_ a little voice in her head telling her that she was wrong. It was so much _easier_ when she didn't have to constantly tell that dimlit voice to quiet down and let her think. _Logic_ didn't help either. Because as quickly as she could logic her way into believing that the likelihood of the entire group despising her was very slim, that voice piped up with the fact that it was just unlikely for everyone to like her. Since, of course, she was so unlikeable.

"Am I likeable?"

"Elrenia?" Z'den's voice was soft, as he looked over his shoulder at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"

_Why did I ask that? Why did I ask __**him**__ that?_ "Nothing. Never mind."

"No, you asked a question."

"It's not important."

"Crackdust." He sighed and turned to face her when she flinched. "You never ask any questions that aren't important. What did you mean?"

"I… am… is it easy to like me?"

"You're a good person, Elrenia, a hard worker, an attentive student—it's very easy to like you."

"But… an impression is sort of like a competition, right?"

"Not at all."

"Z'den?"

"This isn't a rivalry, Elrenia. You're not fighting each other for a spot. How much you, or any of the others want to impress doesn't matter if the Queen doesn't choose you. You can't force this. If a dragon is yours, it's yours, and there's nothing any of the other candidates can do to win it from you. No matter who you are, or who they are.s"

"But it still sounds like a competition."

"In a competition, someone wins in the end. Here, there is no winning. You cannot _win_ a dragon."

That made a little more sense, and even though Elrenia wasn't _entirely_ sure what the man was getting at, she nodded. Compliance was the easiest way to go about things, she felt. She tried to listen to everything that was said, and people knew that. She tried to wrap her head around everything too, and though this was more difficult… it was the effort that really mattered. _Unless you still don't understand._ That _voice_!

"Elrenia?"

"Z'den?"

"I asked you a question."

The voice, on top of constantly putting her down, distracted her from the listening she was so very good at. She hated it. And she hated that hating it made her flinch when Z'den reached out to touch her arm. Hated that when she flinched, his entire face hardened into an all too familiar mask of distance.

"I'm… um… I'm sorry, Z'den. I didn't…"

"You weren't listening."

"No. Sorry."

Sighing, the man muttered, "Try not to do that during your lessons, will you? The things you'll be learning are extremely important if you intend to be a Rider."

"I don't _intend _to be anything."

"Excuse me?"

"I… I would_ like_ to be a Rider, yes. But I don't intend to be. I… why get my hopes up?"

"Because you could make it."

"Do you think that dragon is mine?"

"Do _you_?"

"I asked first, Z'den," the girl sighed. "Avoiding the subject like that just makes me think that you have doubts."

"No one can ever know for sure until the little ones hatch," the man soothed, clearly trying to prevent the situation from worsening. "We can only hope that we're the ones, and learn as much as we can before we're overwhelmed with having to actually _care_ for the dragons."

A diplomatic answer, if ever there was one, but it didn't please the girl. It just raised even more questions in her mind. Was she really the one? Mnementh seemed to think so, according to Lessa. Mirah was ecstatic to think that the nervous brunette would be in the ranks of Queenriders. H'val seemed even happier than Mirah, somehow. But… was she the one? Did she even stand a chance?

"Honestly," she spoke as calmly as she could, moving to stand in front of Z'den, looking up at him. "I won't get angry, or upset, or anything. But, honestly. Do you think I will Impress?"

One heart beat. Two heart beats. The length of time spent _Between_. Then, "Yes, Elrenia. You will Impress."

Somehow the man's words instilled confidence in her, and when he motioned for her to enter a room she did so at a stride. It was not something she was used to, walking into a room of strangers without hesitance, without fear. There was a group of girls, six of them in total, sitting around a short table. Nothing about this would have been strange, considering the number of women in the Weyr, except they managed to separate themselves into two groups.

At the close end of the table sat three of them, the one in the middle holding as much attention as possible with her shoulders rolled back. The other two seemed to be doting on her, one putting little braids into her beautiful brown hair as the other was staring wide eyed, nodding at whatever she was saying. Those two glanced back when Z'den cleared his throat for attention, but the middle one did not. Instead, she recrossed her legs on an empty chair right next to her.

The far end of the table held three girls that were nearly huddled together, one gesturing adamantly about something until they _all_ glanced up at Z'den's call for attention. The dynamic of the two groups was honestly intriguing. The far cluster honestly seemed like a _group_, while the close cluster resembled some sort of… court. Like a Lady Holder and her women.

"I said, 'Ahem'!" Z'den snapped at the girl with her back turned, and glared hotly when she looked back at him with a roll of her eyes. "Much better." And here is where the girl's confidence started to wane. Because once the attention of the 'Lady Holder' was gained, her eyes shifted to the new woman in the room; Elrenia.

Experiencing a strong dislike for being _evaluated, _the brunette clenched her hands nervously in front of her stomach. As she stared with dogmatic interest at the floor, Z'den was busy explaining that she was the new candidate, and was to be treated with the same respect they showed each other, and their instructors. Then, with a pat on her arm, he left her there. Just abandoned her. And although, in her minds eye, she imagined the girl's pouncing and ripping her apart, it didn't happen. No. Instead she was stared at, and through.

_Can I do this?_

_ You can do this, small one._

_ I __**can**__ do this!_

Lifting her head, she smiled warmly at the group of young women, because none of them were really _girls_, the youngest seemed to be eighteen at the very least, Elrenia was happy to go and sit by them. And, despite the murmuring, kept her spirits up. Many of these girls were from the last batch, who did not impress from the last hatching. Clearly there wouldn't be _excitement_ over yet another contestant, but… well honestly she'd expected a little less _between_ in their greetings.

Instead there was an awful lot of silence, and one girl that openly scoffed at the tall brunette. The Lady holder. Sticking out her lower lip in a petulant pout as she recrossed her legs, putting her feet firmly on the floor and puffed out her chest. _Farraline_, Elrenia thought immediately, recalling Mirah's complaint about the girl from several days ago. _The 'Lady Holder'_, _Farraline._

She'd refused to really believe Mirah, when the girl said that one of the candidates gave her lip, but now she could see it. Back talking was definitely something that this girl would do, obvious in the way that she was muttering to her friends, and glancing up at Elrenia. Talking about Elrenia. And she didn't even have the decency to do it behind her back.

_Honestly, though,_ she thought, rubbing her eyes briefly. _Didn't anyone ever teach her manners?_

Still, she tried her best not to let this bother her. She smiled even more warmly, hoping that kindness would win them over, and moved to actually _sit_ in her intended seat, only to be glared at openly by the girl who put her feet back on the chair the moment she realized Elrenia's intention. "Um…" At a loss for words, she found herself reiterating her introduction, "I'm… I'm…"

"Elrenia," the girl spoke in an almost regal tone, flicking a bit of hair out of her eyes. "We know. What do you want?"

_Okay, not the reception I was hoping for. But there's no need to worry_. Somehow she was sure of it. Somehow she was optimistic. Somehow she put everything else aside, and decided that everything was okay. _It'll be okay._ "Do you girls… do you mind if I sit?"

"Yes."

Definitely not what she expected. Most people, out of common decency, said that _No_, such-and-such would not be a problem. This… had never happened to her in all the few times she'd ever had to request permission to sit. Suddenly unsure of how to proceed, Elrenia froze with her hands clenching the back of the chair before a voice from the other end of the table said, "Come sit with us."

Relieved to hear this, she immediately looked up with a radiant grin. "Thank you," she said loudly, with as much lip as she could muster without blushing in horror at her own behavior, and moved around the table to sit with the girl that called to her. "I'm Elrenia."

"Sarafina. A pleasure to meet you. This is Uliana, and Jaione."

"Nice to meet you two."

"Pleasure."

"You're tall!" Blushing immediately at the exclamation, Elrenia was shocked and almost _irritated_ before she saw the offending girl—Uliana—was just as horrified. "I-I-I'm sorry!" she muttered immediately. "I… I… You're…"

"Tall," Elrenia agreed, trying to smooth over the error as quickly as possible. "I know. I—" Surprised to see that, when the girl stood, she had to have been even shorter than _Lessa_ was, Elrenia found it suddenly easy to forgive the slight. Murmuring gently, "You're rather small."

"I am. I… I was sorta surprised when they asked me to be a candidate."

"Weren't we all?"

"Oh! Shut your maw, Farraline!"

Flinching at Sarafina's tone of voice, the brunette just looked back at the offending girl, who was rolling her eyes in an extremely exaggerated way. It occurred to her that she'd never met a girl with such an attitude in all her life, and Elrenia wasn't entirely sure how she was meant to react to this. Uliana seemed to be willing herself to melt into the table, Jaione was staring with concern at her fingernails in order to ignore everyone else, and Sarafina looked to be holding herself back from strangling the young woman. A tough task, as it were.

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_**I'm so sorry it took me so long to get this up, guys. I've spent the past week and a half getting back into the swing of college (I'm a sophomore). But I'm back, and hoping that updates will come out regularly once more!**_

_**findmywaybacktoyou xD I love him too.**_


	29. Chapter 28

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 28**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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As it were, Farraline was simply an unpleasant individual. Searched from a large Hold to the east of Benden, she'd spent her life bossing drudges about—or so the story went. It was difficult to make her do _anything_, let alone something she didn't explicitly want to do. Chores shared among the girls were ignored by her, and completed by someone else so as to avoid trouble. Whenever she did something wrong, the blame was mysteriously shifted to another person. She was, as far as most of the cavern workers were concerned, a bad person. Her many poor qualities were easily overlooked in the face of the fact that she was constantly making a game out of trying to anger Elrenia, however.

It started when, by honest accident, the girl tripped over an errant foot and spilled an entire bowl of porridge on Elrenia's favorite tunic. There was a long moment, wherein the spoiled Holder girl stared in horror up at her classmate, unsure of how to proceed. Neither girl moved. Then, with a sigh and a smile Elrenia said, "It's okay. I'm fine. I… I'll go get changed."

Had Elrenia known, at the time, that yelling at Farraline would have saved her from a world of hurt, she would have shouted until she had no voice left. She would have ripped her lungs to shreds with the force of her yelling. She would have blown eardrums out. But, foresight being perfect and all, she could only stare the young woman as she "accidentally" knocked all of Elrenia's things to the floor yet again, without so much as an apologetic _look_.

_Killing her won't accomplish anything_, she told herself firmly, keeping herself from so much as frowning at the horrid human being. _Killing her will only get you in trouble with Lessa and F'lar. Granted no one would ever admit to seeing me do it, she's so horrible…_

"I'm sorry, Elrenia," the girl finally gasped, eyes sparkling with amusement. "Were you going to sit here?"

"No, Farraline. It's fine."

"Good. Because I _really_ like this seat." The girl let out a giggle that Elrenia almost slapped her for. "I think I'm going to sit here for every meal!"

And it took all of her self control to _not_ throttle the woman, threatening to take the table she always shared with Mirah and H'val when he was in Benden. _Keep calm_, she told herself, as she forced a smile and turned to leave the situation before it got bloody. It was so very _difficult _to make her want to get physical. She was decided nonviolent, a choice that she made after much thought. Violence would never get her anywhere. But, right then, it didn't seem like a half bad idea._ She's just trying to get to you._

"Deep breath, Flitterby," a male candidate muttered at her, reaching out to grip her arm in a way that _actually_ reassured her. "Deep breath."

"I know, Red," she said. "I know."

"I can _go_ on her bed, if you want, Flitterby," another young man offered with a grin that told countless stories. "If I drink enough klah I can go right now."

Tempting though the offer was, Elrenia laughed and shook her head. "You will do no such thing, Palmer."

"Yes, Lady."

"Palmer?"

"Yes?"

"_Don't_."

"Aw! Why not?"

"Red, keep an eye on him, will you?"

"Will do, Flitterby."

It was almost strange to be part of a group all of a sudden. For the longest time she was the invalid, then the girl who helped with the kids. Now she was a candidate. Now she had an actual role in the Weyr. All of a sudden she had a group that was just like her, with all of the same responsibilities, hopes, dreams, worries.

Having the others stop her in the bowl, or the caverns just to say hello was awfully nice. Having them offer to help out with the kids _just_ because they liked her (and, as was the case with Palmer, because they liked kids,) was a spectacular feeling. She was a part of something now, and this was one of the things that kept her from regretting the steps she'd taken thus far.

It wasn't conceit that made her say she'd done very well in the past few months. It was fact. She wasn't as afraid of people as she used to be. Touching didn't bother her as much, so long as the person wasn't a stranger, and it was only her arms. Waking up didn't happen in quite the same panicked fashion that it used to, even though she still occasionally had nightmares. Things were _better_. And she was a candidate now.

Too bad that put her in the same group as Farraline.

People joked that she wasn't actually one of the candidates, just one of the kitchen girls that got a little too big for her britches, but she clearly was and never let _anyone_ forget it. She was smart with her disrespect, however. The very first week she was there, she identified all of the people of importance in the Weyr—Lessa, F'lar, F'nor, Brekke, Manora, and others that fit a personal criterion of hers—and never _ever_ misbehaved around them. Elrenia had no doubt that they were all quite aware of what was going on, and still it continued.

"Elrenia?"

"Yes Z'den?" she practically growled at the man, only glancing up in apology when he touched her wrist.

"Would you like to go for a Ride?"

The offer took her by surprise, but it only took her a moment to regain her composure and breathe, "I'd love to." But why? Though she was relatively sure that Z'den liked her moderately well enough, he despised taking passengers on Arlith. It seemed that he hated closeness almost as much as she did, but much more openly than her hal veiled cringing. He _hated_ taking passengers. In fact, she'd never seen him take anyone besides her anywhere.

_Perhaps,_ she thought tentatively, _he likes me a little more than the rest. Maybe I don't bother him as much._

There was no hesitation when he offered a hand to help her up this time, except she looked surprised when he maneuvered her to sit in front of him yet again. Passengers, she'd learn not only through lessons but also by watching, usually sat behind the rider—like her rides on Koth after the first one. Z'den… Z'den always put her in front of him.

"I can sit behind you," she murmured over her should at him, as he made sure she was secure in her seat, using only rudimentary straps on her legs.

"You're better in the front."

"Why?"

"You're less inclined to scream like a child and bury your head in my back." She saw him smile out of the corner of her eye as he spoke, wrapping a single arm around her waist just in case. "Are you ready?"

"I am."

Surprised that Z'den didn't seem to mind her hair whipping about in his face, she leaned back just slightly as the big brown took to the air, reveling the feeling of the wind in her face. Canth may have been the biggest brown, but many times it seemed that Arlith got more speed and height out of every downward thrust of his wings. Of course she'd never tell F'nor that, for fear of sparking yet another rivalry between the two, but she thought it was worth noting.

"Clench your legs," Z'den called near her ear to be heard over the wind.

"What?" The command startled her. "Why?"

"It gives you more security."

"It… what?" But she did as she was told, and found that the man was right. She didn't feel quite like she was flopping about anymore.

"And when he starts to turn," the man started to say just as Arlith started to fly to the left. "You lean _into_ it."

"Why?" she asked, even though she was following instructions.

"So that you don't get forced off balance, and ripped off of the dragon's back."

"That's what the straps are for!"

"No, the straps are for extra security. _Just in case_." It was good advice, and when Arlith took a sharp turn, Z'den guided Elrenia to lean forward and into it. "But, while we're on the subject of straps, _always_ check yours before you take to the skies. In case you _do_ need them, the _last_ thing you want is for something to be wrong with them."

"Why are you telling me this?" Elrenia asked, looking over her shoulder at the man who tightened his arm around her waist automatically as Arlith started listing at a slight angle.

"Because it's better that you know."

"But no one knows who's going to Impress!"

"Even if you _don't_ Impress, this is something you want to know if you're _ever_ on dragon back. And considering how much Koth likes you…"

_He cares about me_, she turned back forward as the thought crossed her mind. Color ran up her face suddenly, and she leaned into a sudden move as Z'den told her to. _He cares about me._ She felt it in her _heart_. His simple instructions… they meant the absolute world to her, and she leaned back against him as Arlith leveled out in the sky. _He doesn't just care about me like he cares about __**people**_**. **_He cares about __**me**__._ It was an extremely important distinction to her.

There was only a little shock before Z'den readjusted his arm when she leaned against him. Only a moment of pause before he realized what she was doing, and let it happen. Neither said a word, just went for a leisurely flight. She worried every time the Wings went out to fly thread. She worried about the brave men and women. She worried about the magnificent beasts they rode. It was nice to know that flying wasn't just about danger. Elrenia suspected that it wasn't just nice for her.

"How old were you when you Impressed, Z'den?"

"I'd just turned seventeen," he spoke close to her ear so as to avoid shouting. "It was kind of a gift for me," he murmured, eyes almost going misty in memory of that glorious day. Reaching down, he patted Arlith's back. "This guy ran me down on the sands, trying to get past the other boys."

Chuckling at the image her mind conjured, Elrenia declared, "Hilarious."

"By far the funniest thing _I've_ ever seen happen at a hatching."

"Doesn't count. You're biased."

"Then ask F'nor. He thought it was the funniest thing _ever._"

"F'nor was there?"

"Yes, he was. And he's brought it up every year since then."

"Even though you're not from Benden?"

"Even though. Arlith is… quite happy to relay the message to me every year," and though he thumped the creature roughly, it was more affection than she saw most parents show their children.

The relationship between a dragon and their rider was certainly extraordinary. Nowhere else in the world was there a relationship quite like it, and the average person couldn't help but be mildly jealous. Maybe Elrenia wasn't average then. She was just happy to be able to witness such love.

_Love_. She'd never seen truer love than that shared by a dragon and their rider. _What is love? _The fact that she needed to ponder such a thing sent warning flags up in her mind. She felt a very real love for her family of course—Was that the kind of love a rider and dragon shared? Did it transcend that? What made their love more real than a pair of humans? _A mental bond_. But why?

Suddenly she had so many questions that she didn't know how to ask. And while the wind in her face, and Z'den's chest at her back calmed her heart, it did nothing for her racing thoughts.

"Ready to land?"

Startled that he asked her opinion, the girl only paused for a moment before shaking her head. She was not, in fact, ready to land. _Was he actually asking though? Was he just being polite? _"Can… can we fly a little longer?"

"Of course." Then, for Elrenia's benefit, he request aloud, "Arlith, warn Ramoth that we'll be out for a while, will you?"

The big brown let out a little rumble of agreement, and took to greater heights. Catching a thermal current the creature proceeded to glide as carefully, and leisurely as possible. Somehow the air smelled sweeter so high up, and the land was even more beautiful. The wind was brisk, almost too cold, but Z'den's arm around her kept her warm enough.

She closed her eyes, just breathing the moment while she could. There was no thread falling, anywhere, a rare occurrence. No one _had_ to be anywhere. Everyone she cared about was safe and sound in the Weyr. Everyone. Everything was being taken care of. Overcome with a feeling of _peace_, the girl was simply breathing, feeling the significant thump of Z'den's heart beating at her back.

_If every single day could be so perfect…_ But she knew it was impossible. She needed the bad, the sad, the hurtful in order for such perfect moments to be so sweet. The horrible people that she met just made it easier to cherish her wonderful friends. The chaos made her recognize the peace.

"I've never had a passenger fall asleep during a ride," was whispered to her hair, almost clearly meant to be a private thought. Z'den's shifted his arm just slightly so his fingers could curl around the opposite hip, keeping her from being violently jostled by a sudden change in flight pattern.

_He actually thinks I'm asleep,_ the brunette realized, and wasn't sure if she should let him know otherwise. A decision that was stolen from her as Arlith twisted to the side for some reason, and her stomach attempted to jump out of her mouth. Releasing a squeal of shock, Elrenia's hands both shot up from her lap to clench Z'den's tightened arm. "What's happening?"

"He's spotted something."

"Spotted something? Spotted what? What's he doing?"

"He's landing."

"Why?"

"Herdbeasts."

It dawned on her suddenly that dragons were living, breathing creatures, and needed food to survive. And Arlith wanted to eat. _Fair enough_. She didn't fight Z'den when he removed the straps from her legs, and happily accepted his help as she slid clumsily from the back of the beast. With good reason. The second the two of them were a safe distance away, Arlith was in the air. Hunting.

Just watching in amazement for a long moment, the girl wondered when the last time the dragon ate was. It must have been a while, as he seemed so excited to see the little animals. But… perhaps not so long, as he didn't immediately grab a buck. No. He was meticulous in his examination and choice, sweeping down over the poor creatures more than once to isolate the one he wanted. It was… strange to watch. And, after a moment, Elrenia whispered, "So… I guess we're stranded."

"It seems that way."

"So…"

"So?"

"What… do we do?"

"We relax until Arlith has eaten." And, with that, Z'den took a look around and walked straight to the sunniest part of the field. Sitting down in a most inelegant fashion, Z'den threw his arms over his head and laid back. It was the most informal she'd ever seen the man, and it made her smile.

Spending all of his time parading around as an untouchable, unstoppable force put a mighty big gulf between Z'den and everyone who did not rank higher than him. Several of his peers had even innocently warned her off of him. Had he not shown an explicit interest in her well being, Elrenia was almost positive that he _would_ have scared her off. But spending time with him, and painstakingly peering behind his mask of superiority showed the girl that he _was_ honestly just like everyone else. His relaxing so carelessly in the sunny field merely proved it to her further.

_He's a good man_, she thought as she casually made her way over to him, taking time to look at her surroundings. _A kind, and caring man, despite all his gruffness. _Laying down in the sun didn't seem like a half bad idea, and so, when she finally reached his side she sat, and then laid beside him. "Do you mind me here?"

"Not at all, child."

Being able to lay there with him was odd. She shouldn't have been able to, honestly. Stomach wrenching panic should have started the boil the second the thought crossed her mind—but she was okay. She trusted him. Honestly trusted him. He would never hurt her, and she knew this not just because he said he wouldn't. He cared for her. He'd had more than one opportunity to absolutely destroy her, and he didn't. He wouldn't. He was _good_.

"What are you thinking so hard about, dear one?"

"I… How do you _always_ know when I've got something on my mind?"

"You scrunch your eyebrows together when you're thinking about something in particular," the man explained without so much as glancing in her direction. "And when you're _really _concentrating, your forehead creases."

"Yeah?" How did he know all of that? "Well…" How did she _not_ know all of that? "You glare a lot."

"And you _almost_ pout whenever you're told something that bothers you, but you don't know why."

Only a little exasperated she asked, "Why do you _know_ this?"

"Because it's so obvious."

"If it was, everyone would know."

"Who says they don't?"

Part of her hated that he made her think, despised that whenever she got into one of these matches with him he _always_ said something that made her pause and consider. Part of her didn't mind it so much. It always managed to bring her back down from the clouds, dragged her back up from the pits when she wandered too far. The worst part was that he always posed valid points, things she either never considered, or tried to ignore.

"How old are you?"

"Older than you."

"Are we really going to play this game?"

"Only if you want to."

"A man never tells his age?"

"Something like that."

About to say something else, perhaps a little rude only because she was comfortable enough to be joking rudely with the man, the girl paused right after turning her head toward him and opening her mouth. Pushing herself up to rest on her elbows, she took a moment to look at him. He'd turned his face away over the course of their banter. His eyes were purposefully closed. Something changed in the last few seconds that she failed to catch. What were they discussing? _Age. _What was wrong with his age?

Clearly they'd somehow fallen onto a topic that he wasn't particularly comfortable with, which was surprising. Of all things _age_ was not something she thought would bother such a strong willed man. His attitude, his aptitude, the respect he got from others, all were things cultivated with time.

Still, she was uncomfortable with the thought of making him feel awkward, and tried to explain, "I… only ask… because… you… you… Shards… You…"

"It's okay if you don't have the words," he soothed.

"No it's not."

"I don't mind."

"But I _do_!" And she did mind. A lot. Broiling hatred for herself built up in that second, realizing that she was unable to express her thoughts. She wasn't a fool. There were many words, and she knew a fair number of them. But… but she was _always_ lacking for some reason. "You're… wiser? Wise isn't the word. But… more than… other people. Like… like… like you've got knowledge from experience? I'm not making any sense."

Batting her arm lightly, the man pushed himself up on one arm and said, "You make perfect sense, dimglow." It was her turn to look away then, only to have him reach out and gently tilt her chin back toward him. "Eloquence is a talent that few have. My father was a Harper, and so I picked up many of of his tricks. My observational skills come from him as well. There's no shame in having a different skillset."

"I don't have _any_ skills."

"What do you call taking care of the children?"

"It's… I had nieces and nephews okay?"

"What do you call knowing how to cook large meals?"

"I had a big family."

"And so, by having this big, extended family, you have skills that I don't."

This was not untrue, and the simple explanation had her staring at him. His eyes, dull green but so very open right then, told her that he wasn't lying to her to make her feel better. He wasn't just talking to hear his own voice. It wasn't just that he meant what he was saying though. The words were truth, and he was willing her to understand that.

"We all have different skills, Elrenia. No two people grow up in exactly the same circumstances, not even siblings. It's okay that sometimes you can't put your thoughts into words. Just take a deep breath, and think."

So she did. Closing her eyes, Elrenia took the flavors of the field deep into her lungs, holding it there just for a second before releasing and going in for a second taste. "Really though," she muttered after a moment, keeping her eyes closed. "How old _are_ you? You give… excellent advice."

"Thank you," he accepted the compliment graciously, but still didn't answer her question.

_You win some, you lose some_. After a moment of staring at the man, she leaned back into the grass again. It was cool against her skin, making a cushion to rest her head on as she closed her eyes. Somehow it felt okay to sleep, even though thinking of being so vulnerable out in the open usually bothered her. Z'den was there, and like she always felt secure whenever Koth checked on her at night, she felt better with the knowledge that he was close by.

_Z'den is my dragon_, she thought, laughing lightly to herself. _He'd kill me if he ever heard that I thought that_. But it was rather true. He and H'val were both her dragons. Always prepared to assist her. Always willing to protect her. Willing to travel with her, for her, whether it was particularly convenient or not. They were her friends, her guardians, her protectors in ways that no one else in the Weyr was.

"Have you ever been to Fort?"

"What?" Elrenia opened her eyes and turned to the brown rider, laying in the grass, basking in the sun as he was. "No. I… never got the chance."

"Then how do you know your brother is there?"

"We kept in contact for a while." Then her other brother died, and she seemed to slowly fall out of contact with the world. Perhaps that was a catalyst? "When Renzal died—"

"Renzal?"

"My other brother. The one that stayed home with me after father died. When… when he died… it was as though my world ended. My Uncle had trouble visiting long before that, and so I… had no one."

"Your neighbors."

"I had only one neighbor."

It took Z'den a moment to realize, and he opened his eyes to stare at her, into her, through her. She did not cry thinking about it though, just shrugged her shoulders absently. He was unconvinced, and sat up to make an attempt at comforting her. It was an attempt that she waved off as politely as possible.

"I'd prefer not to relive it again until I absolutely have to."

"But Elrenia—"

"It's just something that happened." It was more than that, so much more than that, and they both knew it. But Z'den nodded his head in reluctant acceptance. "Thank you."

"But you will tell me?"

The concerned expression was surprising to the girl, and when she realized that she was ashamed of herself. She _knew_ Z'den cared, of course he wanted to know about these horrible things, things that only H'val and Robinton had heard her speak of. He wanted to know, because knowing was half the battle.

"When you're ready," he qualified when Elrenia failed to answer immediately. "Will you tell me when you're ready?"

"Of course, Z'den," she assured him, leaning back and closing her eyes once more. "How could I not?"

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**EDIT: Flutterbug has been changed to Flitterby because I'm a stickler for canon detail.**


	30. Chapter 29

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 29**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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The pressure of a strong gust of wind brought Elrenia's attention back to the world. Arlith was settling down in the sunny field right behind them, lying down and closing his eyes before she could so much as begin to get up. She assumed that, having been out of the Weyr for so long, when the dragon was done eating they'd be heading back. But she appeared to be wrong. Quite wrong. The big brown wanted to sleep.

"You don't mind being out a little longer, do you?" Z'den asked when he noticed her looking back at the creature.

"Not at all. But…" There always seemed to be a 'but' with her. She didn't know why she always assured that everything was fine before immediately mentioning something that was wrong. _Why can't I ever just come out and say what's on my mind? _It was foolish, and annoying. She didn't know how the blonde man put up with her.

"But?"

"Won't I get in trouble?"

"Why in the world would you get in trouble?"

"I… have lessons, don't I? What if… what if I miss something important?"

"Then I'll tutor you," Z'den spoke calmly. Confidently. "Lessa knows you're out with me. You didn't just get up and leave. You're with someone, and you have no way of returning. I'll simply speak to Weyrlingmaster when we get back."

"So… it'll be okay?"

"Yes, child. Stop worrying. Relax."

Easier said than done, but she put effort toward it. Watching the man easily lay back, and close his eyes, Elrenia tried to mimic him. It wasn't so hard to just _be_ there. The field wasn't near any large Holds. Arlith would hear someone moving toward them, and warn Z'den. The brown rider would protect her. So she didn't need to worry about potential danger. Assurances were made that she would be in no trouble for the inadvertent break, so there was no reason to worry about that either. There was _nothing_ to worry about. She'd been over this already.

_Okay, calm,_ she ordered herself. Moving back a little to lay closer to the big brown dragon. He opened one lid to gaze down at her, and she froze as he did so, hoping that she hadn't insulted him with her forwardness. But, after a moment, he merely let out a breath of air and closed his eyes again, unbothered by her presence.

It felt good to think that he was accepting of her. Koth didn't mind her laying up against him, and so maybe, with time, Arlith would accept the same behavior. Just being close to him was good enough. It was a start. Slowly, if she continued to be kind to him and his rider, he'd become more and more comfortable with her. _Perhaps_, she barely dared to hope,_ he'll even learn to like me_.

"Do you really want to be a rider, Elrenia?"

"Pardon?"

"Are you doing this for Lessa? Or do you actually want to be a candidate?"

For a moment the girl didn't say a word. She actually thought about what she was going to say. "Perhaps, at first, it was for Lessa," she murmured. "She seemed really excited about me being a rider, and I… I… I didn't want to let her down."

"You never want to let anyone down."

"Should I?" It was an honest question. "Shouldn't I strive for success in all things?"

"Only if you want to completely destroy yourself."

"I'd agree with you. But I won't destroy myself, as you so eloquently put it. If I got particularly upset when I fail, I'd worry—"

"You do."

"What?"

"When you fail, you get _extremely_ upset."

Did she? "Then that's something I'll work on, I suppose."

"You suppose," the man laughed. "You shouldn't set such high standards for yourself."

"What high standards?"

"Some people are just hard to please."

"Like you?"

Z'den stared, and Elrenia blushed. _Did I really just say that?_ What was _wrong_ with her all of a sudden? Why was she suddenly talking back to the man? He was so kind to her, the behavior was totally inappropriate. But before she could apologize he laughed and reached over to pat her arm.

"Yes, Elrenia. Like me. And Lessa. By the Egg, Lessa. Work to please yourself, more than anyone else."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"And… do you know what it means to be a Gold Rider?"

Holding her breath the moment the question was voiced, Elrenia debated ignoring him. Z'den had been hinting at things, at her being confident, competent, and comfortable since the moment he helped her onto Arlith. And she knew what he was getting at. With all she'd been through, the many total breakdowns she'd had since arriving…

Unobservant, the brown rider was not. In any sense of the word. Somehow it was clear to him that bits and pieces of Elrenia's story were still missing, but he didn't dare ask. _Why?_ That was what confused her most. Z'den was so confident, but refused to ask the hard-hitting questions. _He probably doesn't want to upset me._ And she was both flattered and insulted by this.

"Just ask, Z'den."

A momentary pause before the very careful question, "Are you prepared for the… hardships?"

"No."

"Elrenia?" Sitting up, the man stared at her. "What do you mean, 'No'?"

"I'm not ready." Still, he looked shocked to hear her admit that. To his expression she simply replied, "Why lie?"

"I'm glad that you're not lying," he admitted, and turned further to face her. "What, exactly, do you feel that you're not ready for?"

"I'm not ready to take care of one of those little creatures. They're… so delicate. And so dangerous."

"No one is ever _ready_ to take care of them," he explained. "But if you follow directions, you'll do fine."

"I… I'm… what if I don't want someone so deep in my thoughts that I can't hide from them?"

"Then you shouldn't be a rider."

The blunt suggestion startled the girl a little. Somehow she expected him to be a little nicer about it. "Do you not keep any secrets from Arlith?"

"No." Arlith let out a huff, and whipped his head slightly to the side to knock Z'den in the back. "Ow!" He rubbed the spot, glaring. "Okay, maybe I do keep _some _secrets."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Your dragon will know everything about you. Are you ready for that?"

Was she? Was she ready for an intimacy that deep? _Intimacy_… "I have time."

"Until the Hatching, yes. But that's only a few Sevendays away, Elrenia."

"I… I'll be fine."

"I'm sure you will be," he agreed. "But…"

"Why are you so worried about me?"

Silence then. It was as though, by asking that simple question, she won. Z'den couldn't reply. In fact, he didn't reply. The silence extended several minutes, several more, and she finally realized he just didn't intend to explain it to her. _Fine_. She laid back down. _Don't talk to me._

The rest of their time in the field was spent in silence, save for the moment when a wherry, or a herdbeast would get bold enough to approach and Arlith would flap one wing hard enough to send it scampering. The antics of the big brown amused the girl when she finally noticed what he was doing, well through the day. With the sun warming her skin, and two different sorts of dragons there to protect her, Elrenia dozed. She was too comfortable not to. It was past sundown, when Z'den finally cleared his throat, that the girl finally opened her eyes again.

"We should head back."

"Of course."

But something between them changed, and she didn't know what it was. They'd been quite comfortable on the flight _to_ the field, but they seemed to be trying to avoid any contact at all on the ride back. She even slid off of Arlith's back all on her own as they touched down in the bowl.

No glances were exchanged between them as they entered the lower caverns, moving toward the delicious smell of food. It was… it was _awkward_.

"Oomph!" Elrenia breathed, bumping into Z'den as he abruptly stopped walking. _Why isn't he—_

"Why does she get special treatment?" Farraline demanded angrily, crossing her arms before her chest, blocking the path to the great hall. Behind the angry young woman stood her two lackeys, both with their arms crossed, but looking decidedly less angry. Their sudden presence is what startled Z'den into freezing, staring down at her before glancing back at Elrenia briefly in confusion.

"What special treatment?" he asked, eyebrows creased. Looking back at Elrenia again, the girl only shrugged in response. She hadn't the faintest clue what the girl was talking about.

Neither was able to ponder for very long, as Farraline shot off on a list of grievances. "She gets to skip chores. She gets to skip lessons. She gets her own _Weyr_ while we have to sleep in the barracks! How is that fair? How is it fair that she gets to be around all of the dragons, even though we don't have the _time_ to be around them? How is it fair that you all like her more than you like us?"

Caught by surprise, as most of the girl's points were quite valid, Z'den didn't say anything at first. Glancing over at Elrenia once more, his eyes narrowed slightly to see the horrified expression on her face. _I… I'm being favored?_ The girl wasn't _trying_ to be the favorite, she just happened to have friends all over the Weyr. What's more, she was hurt that the girl was willing to take away the _only_ things that Elrenia had, just because she was jealous!

_What kind of person does that?_ she wondered, staring past Z'den at the angry Holder "Queen". _What kind of person would ruin another's life for no reason?_ People like _him_. People like _her_ apparently. But that was unfair. Unpleasant though Farraline was, Elrenia severely doubted that the girl would sanction the murder of anyone for any reason. _Would she?_

"Is that really how you feel?" the man inquired diplomatically, schooling his face into a mask of passivity.

"Yes!" Farraline practically shouted. "I do!"

"And you?" he turned his attention to Farraline's group, who all nodded adamantly in agreement. So, there was a very distinct inequality present among the female candidates, and as much as Z'den liked Elrenia, he needed to bring it to the attention of those in charge. "I'll speak to the Weyrlingmaster, and see what's to be done, then."

"No need."

"Pardon?"

Almost smugly, Farraline shrugged and explained, "I already spoke to him."

As though summoned by the girl's words, T'mar the Weyrlingmaster walked by the group, pausing the moment he caught sight of them. "Ah, Elrenia, There you are. I need to speak to you. Now."

Panic and fear seemed to manifest on the girl's face the moment the older man spoke, motioning for her to follow him. The scene caught the eye of every person in the hall, Candidate, Weyrling, Rider, Worker… everyone looked on in confusion as Elrenia looked around for an escape route. _What is there to escape from?_ She knew she was safe. She knew that no one in the Weyr would ever hurt her, and yet she still felt that she needed to run.

In fact, she almost did. The muscles in her legs started to clench in preparation of a sprint, but Z'den reached over and touched her arm. His fingers just barely grazed her skin, but it got her undivided attention. She looked at him, stared straight into his eyes, waited for him to say something amazing. But the words she expected to calm her never came. Instead the man shook his head vaguely, and urged, "Go with him. I need to talk to the girls."

It was with extreme reluctance that Elrenia did as she was told, following T'mar out of the hall and into a more private room. What was she supposed to say, exactly? How was she supposed to handle this situation? Already her heart was trying to beat its way out of her chest, and the man hadn't yet said a word to her!

"I-I-I-I'm sorry!" the girl whispered, hands trembling, two steps away from hysterics. "I-I-I know I shouldn't h-have missed lessons, or chores. But-but the kids need me! A-and Lessa said it w-was okay that I kept doing that instead of helping the girls! I asked her specifically. She said it was okay!"

"Elrenia—"

"A-a-and Z'den said it was okay that-that I missed lessons today. Because I was with _him_. And he warned people that I was. So it wasn't like I just ran away or anything."

"Elrenia—"

"And I'm sorry I'm not living with the other girls. But no one told me that I had to move. Everyone said that I could keep the weyr, you know, until a queen needed to move in. So I d-I d-I didn't think it was a problem! I didn't know! I—"

"Elrenia!"

Immediately the girl stopped talking, tears welling in her frantic eyes so quickly that the old rider sighed, and gripped the bridge of his nose. For a long moment he didn't say anything, just squeezed his eyes shut and allowed her to wallow in silent terror. _What is he going to do?_ she wondered, looking about for yet another escape route. There was no one around that could possibly save her. _What is he planning? How mad is he?_

_Small one?_ Koth's sounded worried, his voice leaving a vague tickle in her mind. _What's wrong?_

_ He's mad at me!_

_ Who's mad at you?_

_ T'mar!_

_ Why is he mad at you?_

_ Because everyone else is mad at me!_

_ Why is everyone mad at you?_

_ I-I-I—_

"Elrenia?" There was H'val, always around when she needed him. Taking her into his arms readily when she turned into him, too terrified to react any other way to a friendly, trusted face. "T'mar?"

"Can you calm her down, H'val?"

"I'll certainly try," the young man assured, rubbing Elrenia's back as soothingly as he could. "What's going on?"

"One of the other candidates came to me with a few… concerns about Elrenia. They were valid. I felt I should speak to her about these issues, to see if we could sort things out. But, as you can see, she's… not taking it particularly well."

"What did you say?"

"I haven't said _anything_!" the man practically snapped at the snooping boy, and Elrenia cringed further into H'val's embrace at the tone. "And I don't appreciate the implication."

"I'm sorry T'mar," H'val said, but it was clear he didn't actually mean to apologize as he tightened his grip on the trembling girl. "You have to understand though… certain things upset her."

"I know. Everyone knows. Hers is the worst kept secret in the Weyr."

"T'mar!" H'val scolded boldly. "A little discretion."

"She's one of my students, H'val. I can't treat her any different than I treat any of the others."

"But her situation is different."

"I understand that, and we've been making concessions," the man spoke in a surprisingly calm tone, however with every word that left his lips, the tenser Elrenia's shoulders got. "I never make her deal with the boys. I'm always very careful not to punish anyone around her." It was almost as though the hunch in her shoulders shifted slightly, but neither man noticed. "Shards, I've even changed the way I hold lessons to make sure she isn't forced into a potentially bad situation!"

"I understand, T'mar. Honestly I do. And I appreciate it so much, but—"

"She's useless to me if she can't handle the training, H'val—"

"I can handle the training just fine!" came the sharp reply from Elrenia, turning abruptly from H'val's arms to stare the Weyrlingmaster down as she grew tired of them speaking about her like she wasn't there. It was a feeling she wasn't used to, and didn't enjoy. _Useless?_ How could the man have possibly been working with her for _any_ length of time, and think that? Hadn't she proven to be an attentive student? She got along well with the dragons. She listened hard, and performed adequately, given her reserves. _Useless?_

"Oh can you?" the man challenged, much to H'val's dismay. "You can't break down like that every time something doesn't go your way in the skies, Elrenia."

"I. Can handle. The training."

"We need to know that you can be trusted in a crisis," T'mar explained, refusing to back down. "We don't know that you won't freeze every time a man gets angry with you."

"I won't."

"Words mean nothing, child. You need to _prove_ it."

Prove it? He wanted her to prove that she could handle anything that came her way? "Fine." Then she'd prove it. Somehow she would pull herself back together, and she would _prove_ that she wasn't completely useless. Somehow she'd prove herself even more than she already had. Starting now. "What's the situation, then?"

Only a little startled by the suddenly change in Elrenia's attitude, it took T'mar a moment to gather his thoughts before saying, "Farraline feels that it's unfair that you're being given certain… special treatments."

"Like what?"

"For example, she said that you don't complete chores with them."

"My chores involve taking care of the children," the girl explained, no longer apologizing for it. Lessa told her _that_ was her chore. So it was. "What else?"

"She feels that it's unfair that you get preferential treatment from the riders."

"What treatment?"

"I…" T'mar paused for a moment, shaking his head. "She didn't specify."

"Then she'd better, or I'm not changing a thing. What else?"

"The weyr."

"If Lessa asks me to move out, I will."

"She won't."

"Then why should I?"

"It's customary for the candidates to sleep in the barracks."

"Customary but not mandatory?"

Again, T'mar paused. "I suppose. But still, a purpose of it is to have you all in one place in case we need to get you all quickly."

"Koth summons me even when you don't _need _me."

"It's also to get you used to the area, for when you get a dragon. She won't be able to fly all the way up to your weyr, and so you must stay down there with her."

"I know the barracks like the back of my hand."

"Oh?"

"I help the Weyrlings all the time."

"I see."

"Any other problems?"

"You skipped today's lesson."

"The first lesson I missed since Lessa asked me to stand on the sands. I recall her missing at _least_ three for 'personal reasons' since I started. She cried when you scolded her, and you gave up and just told her not to do it again _each time_."

"This… is true."

"And while we're on the subject of Farraline. She complains about me not doing chores, but Estra and Navine are always doing her chores for her. How, _exactly_, is that fair?"

"Are you issuing a complaint?"

"Yes."

"Anything else?"

"What's your stance on bullying?"

"Bullies are dealt with firmly."

"Then deal with her, because she's the biggest one I've _ever_ seen."

"Oh?"

"She's constantly teasing Uliana, and stealing Jaione's stuff. She doesn't mess with Sarafina because, let's face it, Sarafina could tan the hide off a dragon is she got angry enough. Don't get me started on her treatment of the boys."

"How does she treat the boys?

"Have a good long conversation with Red and Palmer. You'll understand."

"I'll… I'll speak to them immediately," T'mar promised, the oddest expression on his face as Elrenia crossed her arms. "Is… is that all?"

"For now."

"I'll… speak to everyone."

"Am I dismissed?"

"Of course." But just as she turned to walk away, T'mar called out, "Elrenia?"

"Yes, T'mar?"

"Excellent job."

She didn't even pause at the compliment. "I'll be in _my_ weyr."

Leaving at a stride, Elrenia forced her way through a crowd that gathered just outside of the room they were in, not mumbling so much as an "excuse me" as she escaped. Not a single person said a word to her, perhaps afraid to confront her and her fury. Because that's what it was. Fury.

Fury that a Holderbrat decided she could simply show up and ruin _everything_ Elrenia had work so hard for. Sure, she was simply _given_ the weyr she was living in at first, but she'd worked hard to keep it. She worked hard to _deserve_ it! There'd been so much struggle, and turmoil in the beginning, but she'd moved mountains since then. Two months of strenuous work gave her the _right_ to sleep in the weyr, and eat with her friends, and take dragon rides when they were offered, and—yes—even miss _one_ lesson if she had to. Elrenia had _earned_ what privileges she had, and if she had to she would fight to keep them!

Even if, by the time she _reached_ her weyr, the fury had waned, leaving an odd pit in her stomach. For a moment she felt empty, standing there, staring at her sparse belongings. It was her weyr, yes, for the time being. But what if she _didn't_ Impress? What if she needed to leave the weyr?

_Small one? _The voice pulled her to the outer weyr, where she was relieved to spot Koth already laying there, basking in the moonlight as he tended to do at night. _Small one, are you better?_

"Much better," she murmured aloud, moving forward to stroke the beast's snout. "Thank you for sending H'val."

_You're welcome._

"How did you know I needed him?"

_You were very frightened. H'val helps make you less frightened. _

"Am I frightened now?"

_No,_ Koth didn't hesitate to say, leaning back slightly to peer at her with one large eye. _No. You are… excited?_

"I… am." Perhaps it was odd that she needed to ask a dragon how she was feeling, but the creature was right. She _was_ excited. Excited that she'd stood up for herself. Excited that she'd been strong enough to tell a superior that he was wrong. Excited that she was able to work toward righting a wrong.

Thinking back to the shell of a person that she was upon first arriving at Benden… the transformation was spectacular. She was the dragonet, bursting from her shell, wobbling awkwardly before she was finally able to find her legs. Finally, she was finding them, standing on her own. It was something to be excited about.

Face lighting with a smile, Elrenia took a deep breath and looked out across the bowl, listening to the gentle sounds of dragons calling brief greetings. This was her home, and she was allowed to keep it if she wanted to. Not even _he_ could destroy a Weyr! She certainly wasn't going to allow some _brat_ to do it instead.

_Small one, they are calling for me_.

"You can go, dear heart. I'll be fine."

Watching Koth take off across the bowl, Elrenia couldn't help but smile further as the moon shined it's soft light on her, warming her down to her core. She felt at peace. Honestly at peace, for the first time in months. And so, under the watchful eyes of the moon, Elrenia spread her arms and spun. After a moment she started laughing, adding a short hop into her turn. She felt good.

"You're beautiful when you're happy," the words caught her off guard, but H'val didn't seem the least bit ashamed to have been spying on her. "When you ran off, I got worried and followed. Is this… spinning in the moonlight thing a nightly ritual for you?"

"Not _nightly_," she joked, glad that it was dark enough for him to _not_ see the blush rising rapidly up her cheeks. "You worry about me a lot?"

"Probably too much."

"You don't have to, you know."

"You're my friend. It's my pleasure to worry about you."

"Really?"

"Really."

Unable to hide a smile from the boy, she averted her gaze all the same. "What about when I'm not happy?" She could stop the question about as easily as she could stop her smile. She needed to know.

And, after a moment of thought, H'val wasn't even remotely shy about saying, "When you're not happy, you're heartbreaking."

"Heartbreaking?"

"You should only ever be happy."

The strangest thought crossed her mind then, completely beyond her control. _What would it be like to kiss him?_ The thought was just there, and she blushed simply for having the audacity to even _consider_ such a thing. But… could she really blame herself. Outside of her family no one had ever cared about Elrenia the way that H'val seemed to. Even when he was so far away he kept a close eye on her. He teased, and joked with her. He treated her with a kind, almost loving sort of affection. She… she could almost see herself… and him…

_You are thinking of H'val?_

_ I'd prefer if you didn't mention this to him._

_ But you are thinking of him?_

_ Yes._ Then, throwing caution to the wind, the girl asked, _How does he feel about me, Koth?_

_ He loves you. _The admission caught her off guard, and the girl looked sharply across the bowl, where the creature seemed to be spending time with a few fellow blues. Perhaps love meant very little to dragons, but to her… _I love you too, small one._

_And I love you guys. Do you… know what love is?_

_ I know that H'val is the most amazing person ever. He is kind, and gentle, and wants to be kind and gentle with you. Like he is kind and gentle with me. I know that he is most important to me. I know that he __**is**__ love._

To hear something so profound come from such a simple creature silenced Elrenia's frantic mind. Koth understood love. He understood exactly what it meant, as it meant so very much to him, and it made sense. Dragons did not like for their riders to be displeased with anything, let alone themselves. The rider was the center of everything when thread was not falling—and it would stop falling very soon. He understood love, and understood that H'val loved _her_. It was touching. It also left her in a bit of a conundrum.

How was she to react to this knowledge?

"Do you… ever spin in the moonlight?" she murmured, looking over at him.

"What?"

"Do you ever spin in the moonlight?"

"…No?"

"Do you want to try?"

H'val's face broke out into an odd grin, laughing softly as he shook his head faintly. "Did you have too much klah today?"

"Come on!" And she stood, extending both of her hands to him in order to pull him to his feet. "Spin with me!"

"Elrenia…"

"Come on! No one's watching!"

"But…"

"Please?"

And, the moment she pouted the boy nodded his head. "As you wish." And so they spun, laughing loudly in the light of the moon, under the glittering gaze of hundreds of dragons.

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_**Starsinger, I don't even know what to say to that. I'm so sorry.**_


	31. Chapter 30

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 30**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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"Did you really tell T'mar off?" Palmer asked, following at the girl's heel as she helped stack clean bowls for Manora.

The act had nothing to do with chores, and everything to do with the fact that Elrenia simply wanted to make the kind, older woman's life a little easier. She liked Manora. The woman had been kind to her from their first meeting, and never once mistreated her for any reason. Certainly she'd done many things to gain the woman's ire. She'd broken no few bowls and dishes, knocked things over, got in the way. But the headwoman was never less than kindly to Elrenia. The brunette did all she could to pay back the kindness.

"I suppose, Palmer," Elrenia admitted a bit reluctantly. For some reason the boy seemed to look up to her, out of all the amazing women around. The last thing she wanted to do was set a bad example. "But don't you go around thinking you can give people lip just because I did. I had a good reason."

"Oh? What was your good reason?"

"I was standing up for myself."

"You? Standing up for yourself?" The young man laughed at her hysterically for a moment. "Oh, Flitterby…"

"I did!" she insisted, crossing her arms as he wiped tears of mirth from his eyes. "I defended myself against some nasty accusations that Farraline made, you dimglow. Why is it so shocking that I'd stand up for myself?"

"Because you let everyone walk all over you!"

"I don't!"

"Can you hold these bowls for a second?" Confused by the change of topic, Elrenia reached out to take the large stack of bowls Palmer was holding for her. But right as her fingers wrapped around the base of the stack he pulled them back and exclaimed, "See! You always do that!"

"So I want to be nice to people!" she defended. "Big deal!"

"Giant deal." Somehow the boy didn't seem to have quite the rude tone as usual. Something about the way he rolled his eyes wasn't insolent. "You're always inconveniencing yourself."

"Name one time!"

"Can you hold these bowls for a second?" And once more, the boy pulled the stack away right as she reached for it. "See!"

"Okay, okay," she conceded. "Maybe I _am_ always doing stuff for people. But is that really so bad?"

"It's what we like about you," the boy admitted easily. "But… it gives people like Farraline the opportunity to be… like Farraline."

"I guess."

"So you stood up to Farraline's accusations?"

"I did."

"And then what?"

"I told him about the things she's been doing."

"Is that why T'mar came and talked to us?"

"I believe so."

"Wait, so you_ told_ on her, Flitterby?"

"If she thought it was okay to lay complaints about me, then why shouldn't I lay valid complaints about her?" Elrenia asked, stacking the bowls a little too roughly. "I'm… I'm _tired_ of her. She's so… so… so…"

"Bitchy?"

"You know I hate that word, Palmer," the girl scolded softly. "But yes. That."

"The problem is that you're too nice, Flitterby."

"How is there such a thing as being _too_ nice?" Theoretically Elrenia understood, of course. When one was so kind that it destroyed them—_that_ was **too** nice. But ideally everyone would be kind, and so that could never happen. _Oh, an ideal world._ "Why is there such a thing? There shouldn't be."

"You're right," the boy agreed immediately. "There _shouldn't_ be. But there is." Patting the girl's arm absently, Palmer dropped the last of the bowls into a stack and scurried away. "See you, Flitterby!"

There was a sort of panic in his steps that made Elrenia raise an eyebrow, watching the boy run off. They'd been having a comprehensive conversation. It was so _hard_ to get Palmer to actually talk. He was such a smart boy, but for some reason he preferred to be viewed as ignorant. _What can you do?_ Hopefully, if she kept trying to talk to him he'd eventually get used to actually _speaking_.

_So that's what I'll do_. It was important to help the boy become more comfortable with his adult voice, because he _had_ one. He just didn't know how to use it yet. _Maybe I'll ask about his family…_ Because she thought that may have something to do with it. If he had a lot of brothers, then maybe behaving like a child was the only way he ever got anyone to notice him. It was the way with large family's, unfortunately. Perhaps if she could get him to realize that he _wouldn't_ be ignored in the Weyr, then he'd stop—

"Ah!" Crying out as she stumbled forward, Elrenia pivoted instinctively and raised an arm in defense of her chest and face. The thought that Z'den would be quite proud of her briefly crossed her mind, as she narrowed her eyes in a glare at her agress—"Farraline?" Surely the young woman hadn't just pushed her!

"You got me in trouble!" A second shove. Farraline's boney hands jabbing sharply at Elrenia's shoulder told her that yes, actually, the girl _had_ pushed her. And the reason for the violence was blatantly obvious as she repeated, "You got me in _trouble_!"

"Well, you _tried_ to get me in trouble first," Elrenia explained calmly, stepping outside of the girl's reach when she tried to push her again. "Don't touch me, Farraline."

"I'll touch whoever I want, you… you… you _drudge_!"

Trying to prove her point by slapping Elrenia's shoulder, Farraline let out a squawk of horrified pain as the normally quiet, nonviolent, avoidant girl grabbed her wrist and twisted it. It was not a playful move. It was not kind. It was not forgiving. It was meant, specifically, to cause pain. And though she was horrified to find herself using one of her carefully practiced defensive moves on a fellow candidate, Elrenia was proud to find that she was _capable_ of doing it to someone other than Z'den.

Leaning close to the whimpering girl's face, Elrenia whispered, "Don't touch me." It was clearly a threat this time. And, to make sure the point stuck, Elrenia stare straight into Farraline's eyes for several seconds before releasing her, and moving to walk away.

What actually happened next was an odd sort of mystery to everyone. While the short scuffle had grabbed the attention of a few worker girls, everyone thought the situation was over the moment Elrenia gave Farraline her back. The girl would realize that, though Elrenia had spent her first days at the Weyr as an invalid, she'd grown much stronger with careful cultivation. She'd leave well enough alone. She'd count her blessings and walk away. But, just as everyone shifted their attention back to work, Farraline let out a cry and lunged.

Her first mistake was letting Elrenia know she was coming. _No, that's incorrect._ Her _first_ mistake was thinking she could somehow _beat_ Elrenia.

Her _fatal_ mistake was letting her know she was coming.

Because though Farraline managed to gouge several long, fiery red lines into Elrenia's neck and shoulder, the tall brunette was quick to crouch into the girl's attack, gripping the offending hand in order to throw her over her shoulder with a resounding snap. And so the silence descended. All those who turned at the cry, stared in awe, as did the fallen Farraline. That is, until the realization that she was in pain came to the forefront of the girl's mind, and she started wailing. Shouting. Throwing unconscious slurs at the woman who harmed her.

"You deadglow!" she cried, cradling her broken wrist to her chest as several kitchen girls rushed out of the room to get help.

Dispassionately, Elrenia scolded, "I _told_ you not to touch me, Farraline. This is your own fault."

"My own fault?" it was a shriek that had several girls cringing away. No one wanted to come forward to help. "_You_ did this, you _threadspore_!"

"Insults will get you nowhere," came the calm voice of F'lar, stepping over and taking a knee beside the girl to see the wound. "What exactly happened here?"

Letting out a sob as the man gingerly poked at the girl, Farraline summoned her most pitiful voice to wail, "That watchwher broke my arm!"

Elrenia didn't even see the insult fit to respond to, and calmly explained, "She jumped on me, and I defended myself." With an almost dismissive shrug, she motioned to the girls about the room, "Ask anyone."

"You bitch!"

"Farraline!" F'lar's voice was much less kind this time, as he warned, "Watch your mouth. That's no way to speak to one of your peers."

"But she _broke_ my _arm_!"

"It only seems that your wrist is hurt," he explained calmly. Hoisting her to her feet as gently as possible, so as to avoid further trouble. "I'll take you to the healer myself, and see that this is dealt with."

"Will you?" came the dreamy sigh, as the girl stared up at the tall man. "And you'll stay with me the whole time?" It almost amazed Elrenia to see how much the girl's attitude shifted the moment she thought she was being sympathized with. "it hurts something awful."

"I may not be able to stay the whole time, but I will stay as long as I can," the man sighed, and the girl could almost sense that he was only agreeing in order to keep the Holderbrat under control.

"And then Elrenia will be punished, yes?"

The thought of this churned Elrenia's stomach just enough to banish her apathy. She may have been acting in defense of herself, but it was entirely possible to argue that her response outweighed the initial assault. Could she get in trouble for hurting Farraline, even though the girl deserved it?

Fearing that she could, in fact, be punished, Elrenia couldn't stop herself from crying out, "I did nothing wrong!"

"You attacked me!"

"I did not!"

"Crackdust!" Farraline cried, leaning forward and spitting at Elrenia's feet. "You did this! You'll pay for it!"

"I'd sooner kiss a watchwher!"

Gasping at the insult, it took Farraline a moment to respond. And, when she did, it was with a shrill, "You _whore_!"

Flinching back at the cry, Elrenia wasn't entirely sure why she was bothered by it, but felt sick to her stomach suddenly. F'lar was quick to remove the girl from the room after that, murmuring, "I'd like to see you in my Weyr later, Elrenia," before disappearing through a doorway.

A sickening sensation washed over the girl then. Surely she'd be barred from the Sands, from the _Weyr_ now. Lessa promised that she never would, but there had always been an unspoken amendment about behavior at the end of it. She wasn't behaving now. How could breaking a girl's wrist possibly be considered behaving? Before she knew it she'd be out of a home. Her friends would hate her. She'd be all alone again.

"By the Shell," she murmured, eyes filling with tears as she stared across the room. "What have I done?"

The hush of the room was broken by a sudden, sharp laugh, a soft tinkling giggle followed next, and before Elrenia knew what was happening the room was filled with hoots and hollers.

"Atta girl, Flitterby!" came upon a laugh from Red, rushing forward to shake her hand. "I knew you had it in you!"

All of a sudden the room converged on her, congratulating and thanking her for finally doing something about the well hated Farraline. She knew that the young woman had managed to alienate just about everyone in the lower cavern, but she hadn't really considered that fact that she could _possibly _be so disliked. It almost seemed impossible that _anyone_ could be.

"Has she… really angered _all_ of you?"

"You've seen her, Elrenia," one girl murmured. "She's horrible."

"I didn't think anyone would actually do something about her!"

"Yeah! It's… she's…"

"Scary."

"Exactly."

_Scary?_ Thread was scary. The thought of being caught out in Fall. The thought of being found by _him_. The thought of people taking _his_ side. _That_ was scary. Farraline… "She's just a spoilt brat."

Laughter erupted once more, and Elrenia found her heart lighten slightly. If so many people were _happy_ with what she'd done, surely it wasn't so bad. Of course she could have handled it differently, but it was no secret that she didn't like being touched by people. Absolutely everyone knew that she didn't respond well to physical violence, and those that were new were warned by _many_ people. The girl had seen H'val and Mirah on no few occasions pull an innocent person aside to give them a firm talking to. Farraline _knew_. She just chose to ignore it.

"It's her own fault, Flitterby," Red laughed, patting her back. "Her own sharding fault."

Still, the surprise of the whole situation made the girl feel a little sick. She'd purposefully tried to get Farraline in trouble, but somehow she didn't expect the situation to blow up as it had. There'd been no warning. No—_Wait. _"Is… that why Palmer ran away?" she asked suddenly, looking over at Red, who knew the young man best. "He saw Farraline coming?"

"You got that right," and there was nothing but mirth in the boy's eyes. "He's terrified of the wherry."

"Oh, don't call her that," Elrenia scolded. "It's rude."

"You called her a watchwher."

"I did _not_," the girl responded quickly. "I said I'd rather _kiss_ a watchwher."

"Because that's so much better?"

"Well no. But I… well… she… she started it."

"I know," and something in the boy's eyes hardened. "And she's wrong you know. Those things she called you. None of it's true. You're the nicest, sweetest girl in this place. She's just jealous of you."

"I… I know she didn't mean it," Elrenia said, but the boy didn't look convinced. "She was just angry and in pain."

"Not an excuse for her saying it."

"But… everyone says things when they're in pain. I'll assume that no one's ever hit her before."

"You didn't just _hit_ her, Elrenia."

"I… didn't _mean_ to break her wrist. I was… I was just going to throw her. Like… like Z'den showed me to."

"Z'den… showed you that?"

Suddenly it occurred to her that not everyone knew she was being trained to fight. Even more so, it occurred to her that people knowing might not be a good thing. There were whispers of preferential treatment floating around, since Farraline made her accusations. No one really agreed with the little Lady Holder, but… Elrenia didn't want to give them the _chance_ to agree with her.

"Elrenia?"

"Lessa asked him to," she said suddenly, lying blatantly. "So… I couldn't get… uh…"

"Your Hold?"

Red was a smart boy.

Elrenia merely nodded.

"All right. Fair enough."

The crowd dissipated not long after that, Leaving Elrenia to her thoughts and an oddly doting Red. The boy seemed to stay at her side, following her out of the kitchen and into the bowl. Word of Farraline's assault had already spread, and so as she stepped past a group of Weyrling's they whispered. Anxiety settled in, making the hairs on her neck stand up every time someone appeared to be approaching her. She hadn't felt this ay since she first arrived at the Weyr. Before she knew anyone. Before she knew she was safe.

"Elrenia!"

"I didn't mean to do it," she spoke much to the surprise of Z'den. "I didn't mean to break it. I… she… she started it. And I was defending myself like you showed me to. And—"

"Elrenia?"

"She broke Farraline's wrist," Red explained calmly, sort of pushing the girl toward the brown rider. "I don't know why she's so upset about it. Can you watch her while I go find H'val?"

"Yes, of course," Z'den agreed without any hesitation. "Go on, son."

"Thanks."

Left under the watchful eye of her instructor, her friend, her protector, Elrenia only felt a little better. He didn't seem to be even slightly disappointed in her, which offered some relief. And still, the looks she seemed to be getting from people… the way people scurried off when she approached… it broke her heart.

"Why are they afraid of me? I… I didn't do anything wrong."

"You look like you're about to break," Z'den quietly explained. Then amended, "Or explode. Smile. Stop looking so guilty. You know you didn't do anything wrong, so stop looking like you did."

Actually doing this wasn't nearly so easy, though. Logically she knew that she hadn't done anything wrong, but she knew she was going to be punished. It wasn't something she could stop, and she just hoped it wouldn't be too severe. She hoped she wouldn't be exiled. She didn't know what she'd do if she was. The Weyr was her home. The Weyrfolk were her family. What was she to do without them?

"Up."

"Pardon?"

There was Z'den, marvelous astride Arlith with one hand extended down to her. "Up," he repeated the command. "I'm taking you to the top."

"To the top?"

"Of the Weyr."

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"Dragon," he muttered obviously, extending his hand even further. "Unless you're _afraid_…"

Narrowing her eyes, Elrenia took Z'den's hand and climbed up Arlith's extended leg, expression clearly stating, _Challenge accepted._ That's what it was, a challenge. More than that, it was something to take her mind off of the situation. F'lar would call for her when he wanted to see her, and until then she would be with her favorite brown rider.

Taking to the sky would forever be the most exhilarating sensation—the wind whipping her hair back out of her face, her tunic ruffling with it. How could dragons be so big, and yet so weightless in the air? They resembled feathers to her, floating about until they hit an updraft. How did they manage to be so absolutely perfect? Why did they settle for being ridden by such imperfect creatures as humans? They could have anything they wanted, _be_ anything they wanted, and yet they settled for _them_. Granted, they were usually careful to choose the best of the best of the people, but still.

"Stop thinking so hard," a demand. "Just relax. You're safe on Arlith, right?"

"I can't think of a safer place."

"Then _relax_," he urged her. "All will be well, and I'll get you back down for your lessons today."

"Okay, Z'den."

_I'll get used to it_, she promise herself, as they soared through the air. It was disheartening to think, even for a second, that she'd always be afraid. Lessa would never make her leave—so many people had assured her of this so many times, and she'd _believed it_. She thought she did, at least. But the moment something went wrong she reverted to the frightened, unsure girl that was found by Koth. _I'll get better_. There wasn't much choice in the matter.

Constant fear seemed to be wearing at the very center of her being. It was _tiring_, somehow, to constantly be alert. Although she slept, and dreamed, and rested quite often (usually at the insistence of the healer, or Brekke) it was as though she was always aware of her surroundings. This was both good and bad. Nothing would ever be able to get her—_You hope_—but then she never _truly_ felt rested.

"So…" Blue-grey eyes were drawn to Z'den as he slipped off of Arlith and offered Elrenia a hand down. "You stood up to Farraline."

"I did."

"I'm proud."

Pretending she wasn't blushing, Elrenia nodded her head. "I hoped you would be. At least I can throw_ someone_ other than you."

"Throwing me is a big accomplishment."

"Except for the fact that you have to _let_ me throw you in order to teach me."

"Yes, well, there is that too."

"Can we stop being awkward now?"

"Pardon?" But it wasn't a question so much as a sound to fill the spot where he should have actually responded. "Elrenia?"

Honestly, the girl didn't want to have this conversation. Instinct told her to just let it go. It would sort itself out. But no. She knew, intrinsically, that it would _not_ simply fix itself. This sort of problem, when allowed to fester, got worse and worse. If it were anything else, she wouldn't have minded so much. But it was her friendship, and her working relationship with Z'den at stake. She didn't want to give either of those up. He was an excellent teacher, and… and a wonderful friend.

So, taking a deep breath, the girl explained, "Ever since yesterday we… have been _odd_ together." The man didn't even raise his eyebrows. He didn't pretend to not understand. But neither did he open his mouth to soothe her. It seemed that, this time, it was up to her. _Fine. _"Can we stop now? Can we just go back to normal?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do," she didn't speak angrily, just matter-of-factly. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Z'den. So can we just _stop_? I'm sorry I asked all of those things yesterday. I was… curious. I don't actually know anything about you."

"There's nothing to know."

"Except there is," she insisted. "Isn't it our parents that make us who we are? Our circumstances? I… what made you… you?"

"Nothing."

"Your father was a Harper?"

"He was."

"A… what are they called? Journeyman?"

"He was."

"He met your mother on one of his trips?"

"They grew up under the same Lord."

"Oh!" This wasn't surprising at all. It was simply the way things seemed to go. "Did you grow up in the same Hold then?"

"I… did not."

"They moved?"

"They were… thrown out? They escaped? I don't quite know how to say it."

"Z'den?"

Reluctantly the man muttered, "My father's home was within Fax's… territories." The way he said the man's name made it sound like a curse. Rightfully so. "Fax wasn't particularly fond of… men who told the truth. So, my father made sure to get my mother out of there as soon as he could."

"Then—"

"Enough for today."

And, just like that, the awkward curtain was lifted. The man leaned carefully back against his beast, and stared out across the overcast skies, an odd almost grin on his face. It was an expression she seemed to see more and more often around the Weyr now. The days were getting shorter, even cooler if that was possible. _Cooler_. Thinking about it made Elrenia shiver slightly against a wind, and found herself pulled carefully against Z'den's side for warmth.

Sitting stiffly for a moment, the girl forced herself to relax against the man, knowing that he meant her no harm. No one did. People almost seemed _friendlier_ as the weather got progressively worse. Frosts were seen more often than not. Snow was reported further north—had been for a while. It was only a matter of time before it reached them, and then they'd have to be kind to each other out of necessity. No one wanted to live with an enemy.

It struck Elrenia as odd that a Hatching was happening so close to he cold season. _Do they usually happen this late in a turn?_ She didn't know. But, then, more than one person had told her that this had been an exceptionally strange Turn. What with thread falling out of pattern, and two Queens mating almost directly one after another. It wasn't very often that a Queen needed to wait for a Hatching to lay her own brood. It wasn't very often that they picked a weather worn, traumatized young woman off of a leading edge.

_Actually_, she corrected herself gently,_ that actually seems more common than one would think. F'nor mentioned something about a girl named Menolly, right?_ Lacking the details of that story, Elrenia put it out of her mind, and simply insisted that even with two cases it was _still_ rather uncommon.

_**You**__ are uncommon_, Koth insisted.

_Spying on me as always?_

_You are uncommon, and that is why you are important_.

"What's that smile about?"

"Huh?" Elrenia hadn't even realized she was smiling. "Oh, nothing."

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_**EDIT: Props to oz1dke for pointing out an error =3**_


	32. Chapter 31

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 31**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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It was almost painful to think that she needed to go up to the Weyrwoman's chambers as soon as T'mar dismissed her to speak to the Weyrleader. There was no way for her to tell what exactly the man planned to do, and that drove her mad. For all she knew he was absolutely furious—and what was she supposed to do in that case? Cower? She didn't want to. The days of cowering were supposed to be long gone! But, clearly, they weren't.

_And it's all Farraline's fault, anyway_, she gave the girl a hard look from the corner of her eye. _To be punished for someone else's bad behavior… _

It was different when she was a child and Renzal would blame her for something he did. That wasn't malicious. He didn't do it in order to get her in trouble—_Most of the time._ Usually he wasn't looking past the immediate consequences of whatever he'd done to warrant punishment. He wasn't harming her so much as he was trying to protect himself! This… Farraline did this on _purpose_. And what could she do?

Of course she'd plead her case to F'lar. Lessa would likely fight for her once she heard the story, if she hadn't already. The fiery woman had a sense of justice to do a Harper shame, and she wasn't afraid to throw her weight around. Something that could, and likely would work in Elrenia's favor.

There was little doubt that the situation would be solved easily enough, but didn't want to _have_ to do it regardless! She _shouldn't_ have to! It was all Farraline's fault. The girl decided to attack someone, and a broken wrist was merely a consequence of this. Why in the world should she have to explain herself for something like that?

_Stop complaining_, she firmly told herself. _Complaining will get you nowhere. Just keep calm, and explain exactly what happened. From the beginning. F'lar will absolutely under—_

"Pay attention," Sarafina hissed, elbow digging sharply into Elrenia's side to make sure she got her message across.

"Sorry." The brunette wasn't, but she said it anyway. To be polite. She _liked_ Sarafina, even if she reminded her a little too much of the darker, louder, shouting side of Manora's personality. The young woman was strong, and unafraid of herself. Unafraid of anyone. Except for Lessa. Rightfully so. Everyone was afraid of Lessa. And if they weren't, they should rethink their stance.

It was almost… odd. Elrenia wasn't even sure what _made_ Lessa frightening. She just knew that the moment the woman puffed out her chest and narrowed her eyes she wanted to run away. Everyone, save a select few, did. It was, of course, the safest course of action when it came to Lessa. The woman was small, yes, but in no way incapable of destroying a person. Lessa could tear the youngest weyrlings, and the oldest riders down with single words, simple tones. It was told that she managed to convince F'lar to kill a man in duel before he even knew her name! No one could possibly match that.

No one could deny that it was quite the talent. _I wonder where she learned it_. She'd grown up in squalor, hiding from Fax, to Elrenia's understanding. How could a person bounce back from—_She lost everyone_. It was like a bell chimed in her mind then. Something she'd known all along was suddenly bathed in light, obvious even to her. Especially to her.

Lessa had lost everything to Fax. She'd lost her family. Her Hold. Her bloodline. Even after the man was gone, finally, she couldn't have her home back! No, instead it went to one of the horrible man's blood—young Jaxom. And while she understood that the woman felt little animosity toward the boy, it still must have stung. It was no more, and no less horrible that her _own_ circumstances. It was hardly different, save for the fact that the amazing Weyrwoman had been much younger than Elrenia during the massacre, and had suffered years of abuse for a long while afterward.

So a child had been able to survive such horror. A _child_ had been able to raise herself into a strong, determined woman. _What happened to __**my**__ determination_? Had she always been such a quiet, frightened little thing? What did she do as a child?

_I fought a lot_. There was no denying the rivalry between herself and her siblings. _I only ever listened to my dad_. After he'd passed… she'd fought with Renzal. Loudly. Frequently. They argued, constantly, about who actually knew what was best. Of course she'd ended up deferring to him in most things in the end, but that was the problem with being a woman sometimes. People didn't take her seriously. That's why it had been Renzal's job to deny _him_ the right of her hand when he requested it. That's why it had become her Uncle's job. It was their job to _protect_ her from those horrible, disgusting things. _Is that true?_

Granted, at the time she hadn't wanted to hurt him, or anger him by saying no. But it _was_ also that he wouldn't listen to her. The only thing that _ever_ seemed to stop his advances was the thought that she had a man waiting for her at home. She'd used them as a last resort at first, and then just immediately referenced them to make him leave her alone. That didn't make her weak—it made her resourceful. She learned what his weaknesses were and, for a while, she'd exploited them. That wasn't weakness. Fearing the anger and aggression of a man who'd already proven his evil wasn't weak!

She _wasn't_ weak for being afraid. The only weakness was seen within her failure to _do_ anything about her fear. But those days were gone. Long gone. She knew how to defend herself now. Proven to herself, and everyone around her that she could. Maybe it didn't make her stronger than the average man, but it made her more prepared than she had been. _Preparation can mean everything. _People knew her story, and were on the look out for the man who hurt her now. And sure, she didn't _want_ to see him again, almost hoped that she didn't have to, but when the time came she would face him bravely! She was _not_ weak! She was _not_ useless!

"Elrenia!"

"Sir!" Startled out of her thoughts once again, the girl looked up sharply at a glaring T'mar. _Oops. _Smiling warmly in the face of his annoyance she calmly asked, "May I help you?"

"Since you don't seem to be listening to me," he muttered, glaring at Farraline the moment the girl started giggling. "You can answer my next set of questions."

"Fair enough."

"How much does a dragonet eat?"

"As much as the dragonet wants to eat."

"How do you prepare their food?"

"First bucket is prepared for you. The rest you need to cut up yourself."

"And why is it important to oil them?"

"Because they grow so quickly that their skin cracks, and it hurts. Not to mention, cracked skin can lead to problems in the future."

"…Very good." The Weyrlingmaster didn't seem the least bit annoyed that she was able to answer all of his questions. Maybe he'd been hoping that she would trip up, but more than anything else he looked _pleased_ that she was actually learning something. "We're done for today, girls," he announced, but caught Elrenia's arm before she could leave. "Good job," he repeated, but gave her a stern look. "Pay attention next time, though. Will you?"

"Of course," she promised with a smile. "I'm very sorry."

"No you're not," he laughed. "Now get going."

Officially dismissed, the girl got away from the group, intent on trying to keep her nerves firmly under wraps. The thought of any of the girls knowing how scared she was bothered her. Farraline, of course, would be the harshest judge, but she didn't want to cast a negative light on herself. Not accidentally. Not for something as silly as this.

If people got even the slightest notion that she was too frightened to face the Weyrleader, how would they think about her flying Thread were she to Impress. _When I Impress,_ she corrected herself. _Z'den says I __**will**__ Impress._ Was that conceited? What was the difference between conceit and confidence?

"Elrenia!"

"Jaione!" She turned immediately, silently cursing herself for not moving fast enough to get away. Not to mention, for being so scatter brained. "How are you?"

"I'm great!" There was a certain sort of honesty in her tone. "I… how did you know all of that?"

"All of what?"

Blushing slightly, the girl looked down at her hands as she said, "The answers to all of T'mar's questions. How… do you know so much?"

"Oh." It struck her as an odd question. They'd been going over it for days, not to mention there were still dragonets running about. "I… guess I'm just good with dragons." She hated to think that her proficiency might make the girl feel bad. "Did you… not know the answers?"

"I… well… I knew that… they eat a lot… and need to be oiled sometimes—"

"A lot."

"Elrenia?"

"They need to be oiled a lot." Almost as an after thought, as she realized the the girl honestly didn't know the answers to the questions, Elrenia continued, "And not just when they're dragonets."

"You need to oil them when they're big too?"

_How does she not know this?_ It struck her suddenly that maybe, just maybe, she really _did_ spend an inordinate amount of time around the dragons. Excessive. _There's no such thing as excessive time around dragons_. But still, more time than most non-riders did, or even got the opportunity to. Maybe it was conceit that made her believe so, but it was becoming increasingly more obvious that she actually knew quite a bit about caring for the giant beasts. _More than I should? _

Jaione was not from the Weyr, Elrenia was sure. The girl was new, picked up just after Farraline had been, if she remembered the story correctly. This made it so that she didn't have the training that the girls from the last Hatching had. She didn't know as much. T'mar was doing a good job at going over old lessons, but… was he leaving things out?

_I need to really consider this._ If this was the case, then it was no wonder Jaione was struggling. The Weyrlingmaster was not the one who usually instructed the Candidates, so he did things differently. And not even the Weyrlingmaster could expect a person to know something they'd never been taught. He was leaving out the finer details, because all of the other girls already knew them!

_F'lar is waiting_, she reminded herself, and looked at the oddly sad but hopeful expression on Jaione's face. Elrenia knew a fair bit and, maybe, she was hoping that some of the knowledge would rub off?

"I… have to go speak to the Weyrleader," Elrenia spoke quietly, still anxious to take the walk of shame, but determined to do something about this new situation. She hated to just back out of a conversation, but she'd been told to go right after lessons, and she could tell that this would be an expansive conversation. And Jaione was disappointed, if her averted gaze and slight frown was any indication. "So here's what we're going to do…"

"Elrenia?"

Smiling warmly, Elrenia reached out and touched Jaione's arm. The girl was friends with Sarafina and Uliana, but it was easy to feel alone when you were the only one that didn't seem to know what they were doing. She knew what alone felt like. "Mirah is in the bowl with Sayath right now. Do you know Mirah?"

Nervously, the girl shook her head. "I… don't think so."

"I—Palmer!" she cut herself off to call out to the boy as he past her, reaching out to snag his arm before he got too far away.

"Flitterby?"

"Could you take Jaione to Mirah?"

"No problem."

"Great," she beamed at the boy. "Jaione, you're going to talk to Mirah for now. She'll tell you everything you need to know. And, if you want, when F'lar's done talking with me we can… talk? Maybe you can ask Manora to excuse you from chores and help me with the kids."

"That… that would be great!"

"Perfect!"

The girls exchanged a mutual smile, and went their separate ways. Jaione ecstatic at the thought of spending some time with the tall brunette, and Elrenia terrified of what F'lar might do to her. Everyone seemed to know where she was headed, and nearly every single last one of the people she past reached out to give her a little word, or nudge of encouragement.

"It'll be fine," a green rider promised.

"We're here for you," a girl assured.

N'mon, meeting her as he left his weyr, walked with her down the hall for a moment. Not saying a word, but reaching out to squeeze her hand before he turned and jogged down a staircase.

Red scooped her off of her feet for several seconds as they crossed paths, and he didn't let her down until she started laughing out loud.

H'val's arm went around her waist as he walked in the direction of her weyr. "You mind if I hang out on your ledge?"

"Of course not."

"You're the best."

He kissed her cheek before letting her go, nodding his head at Z'den who was leaning against the wall beside her weyr with his arms crossed. Seemingly waiting for her to show up. He didn't say a word to her, though he reached out and pressed the pad of his thumb firmly between her eyebrows, rubbing away the crease she didn't realize was there. "Calm."

_This is my home_. It was the little things that really convinced her of this. _These people are my family_. Never in her life had she been so protected. She'd _felt_ safe as a child under the care of her parents. But logic told her that even then, with all the love her family had ever given her, she was never as well cared for as she was in the Weyr. That was the function of a Weyr, after all. It was one giant home. One giant family. The Weyrfolk, the dragons, the riders.

"F'lar?" she called boldly into the Weyrwoman's chambers.

"Ah, I was wondering when T'mar would free you."

_Well, he doesn't __**sound**__ angry_. "I needed to talk to Jaione for a moment, so I apologize for being a little late. She was feeling overwhelmed with all of the information we've been given."

"You were helping her?"

"I certainly tried. I sent her to Mirah for help, since I needed to see you."

"Mirah is a competent rider."

"She's an excellent rider," Elrenia defended as politely as possible. "Lessa's said so herself."

Lip curling into a sort of grin, F'lar murmured, "Well, if Lessa says it, it _must_ be true."

"Don't let _her_ catch you saying that, Weyrleader."

"Solid advice, that is," the man chuckled. Motioning to the chair across from himself, F'lar said, "Please sit."

Obediently the girl sat, a patient expression on her face. Really, she was the picture of calm though her heart was beating so frantically in her chest that she feared the bronze rider could hear it. This was the moment of truth. F'lar didn't sound particularly angry, but for all she knew he was just trying to lull her into a false sense of security.

_He would never, _she told herself firmly. _He's too good a man to try to hurt you like that_. Not to mention she was fairly certain Lessa would make him regret his decision, were he to choose to do something like that. _But what if he does it anyway?_ The girl was starting to sweat, and trying _desperately_ to ignore the fact that she was clearly turning bright red.

"Elrenia?"

"Yes, Bronze Rider?"

"Stop panicking."

Somehow this immediately calmed her. The man _knew_ she was afraid, and he wasn't going to do anything bad to her. "Okay." Taking a deep breath, the girl nodded her head. "Okay. I… okay."

"Of course, you know why you're here."

"Because of the situation with Farraline."

"Yes," he nodded his head in approval. "I find myself caught in an odd sort of conundrum."

"F'lar?"

"I can't simply allow you to break a girl's wrist, and _not_ punish you somehow."

"But I—"

"Let me finish."

"Of course. I'm sorry."

"It's all right, I understand. But, rest assured Elrenia, you're not in trouble."

"But you just said…"

"I know what I said. You see, if I don't punish you for this somehow, it will tell everyone two things. Those that look up to you will believe that what you did is all right—and under the circumstances that were explained to me, it seems to be. You were merely defending yourself. Normally, however, I would _never_ put up with violence against one of your peers. Do you understand this?"

"Of course, Flar. It will never happen again."

"I expect it won't," he agreed simply. "Now, on the other hand, those that _don't_ look up to you will think that you really _are_ being favored. It's in the best interest of everyone _not_ involved, that this be handled officially."

"What, exactly, does that mean?"

"It means that we need to come up with a punishment that will be fair, considering the circumstances."

_Is he suggesting I punish myself?_ "I… don't understand."

"What do you think is an acceptable punishment, Elrenia? I'd like to hear your ideas."

_He __**is**__ telling me to punish myself!_ It was odd, honestly. Elrenia wasn't entirely sure what she was supposed to think about it, but decided not to question the man's motives. "I… a… punishment…" She hadn't the faintest idea what to say. "Ideally there shouldn't be a punishment. Because I… F-F'lar I didn't do anything wrong."

"I agree. You were only following your training. But still, you hurt someone." He smiled warmly at the girl tossing a lock of hair carelessly from his forehead. "Just give me a few ideas."

"I… I don't…"

"Just take a minute. Think, It doesn't have to be anything extreme. I'm not going to demand a pound of flesh."

That was an odd relief. "I… I could apologize," the girl tried to joke, forcing a smile. "That'll be painful enough."

Laughing at the proposed idea, F'lar actually nodded his head. "Actually, I think that's perfect."

"You… you do?"

"Yes. It's absolutely perfect. Are you sorry you broke her wrist?"

"I… yes. I guess. I… didn't mean to hurt her that badly. I mostly just wanted to get her off of me. She… her nails _hurt_, you know?"

"What about her nails?"

Leaning forward, Elrenia adjusted the collar of her tunic to show F'lar the bright red gouges. "She jumped on me, and scratched me—that's why I threw her."

"An apology would be absolutely perfect then."

"O…Okay. I can do that."

"Would you like to get it over with now?"

A simple nod had the girl escorted from the weyr, straight down into the cavern F'lar seemed to instinctively know Farraline would be in. It seemed that the girl didn't notice them, but the tension in her shoulders, and the potentially seductive way she was swishing her hips told Elrenia otherwise. This was a woman who knew she was being watched—perhaps reveled in it. What's more, Farraline was almost clearly expecting to get her way.

_Oh, if only she knew._

"Farrline?" F'lar spoke quietly, raising both brows at the way the girl jumped with a short shout.

"Oh! F'lar!" she feigned fright, fanning delicate fingers toward her face. "You shouldn't sneak up on a Lady!"

Smiling vaguely at the girl's feminine flailing, F'lar carefully explained, "Elrenia has something she'd like to say."

It was clear, at the very least, to Elrenia that the Weyrleader was setting the girl up so as not to make her expect something extravagant. It was this that made it so easy for the brunette to speak. There were no expectations. She needn't expect, or fear any surprises. What she was meant to do was clear.

"I'm sorry I broke your wrist," Elrenia murmured, bowing her head in sincere apology. "Very sorry."

"Oh, are you?" Farraline demanded, literally lifting her nose at the brunette.

"I am," Elrenia humored the girl. She supposed Farraline had every right to be angry about her wrist. "I… it was wrong."

"It certainly was!"

Willing to apologize, but unwilling to take further abuse, the brunette explained, "I only meant to throw you." Farraline looked caught between surprise and outrage. She was too afraid to look up at F'lar. "Breaking your wrist, while accidental, was entirely my fault. Z'den will be showing me that technique again to assure that I don't make the same mistake next time."

Farraline opened her mouth, an angry retort on the tip of her tongue as Elrenia turned to walk away, but F'lar caught the retreating girl by the arm. _I shouldn't have pushed it. I should have just said I was sorry and left it at that. _She turned obediently enough, but didn't look forward to whatever he had planned. Especially with the smug expression on the Holder Queen's face.

"Farraline," the bronze rider caught her attention, sending a very brief smile down at Elrenia. "Apologize for attacking her."

"What?" Both girls demanded at once. One dumbfounded, the other outraged.

"I will not!" Farraline nearly shouted, before realizing whom she was taking to. In order to fix her error, the girl added, in a more respectful tone, "I didn't do anything wrong, F'lar."

"Several people have attested to seeing you push her several times, before jumping on her and scratching her—the action that led you your broken wrist, may I add," the man explained calmly, hand resting on Elrenia's tense shoulder. "Now, apologize."

"I… I… I…"

"Farraline…"

"Sorry!" she shouted the word, and clearly didn't mean it.

But simply hearing her say it was enough for the Weyrleader, who nodded his head quietly, choosing not to pursue any further. "Now, I expect the two of you to stop acting like Weyrbrats, and start acting like the candidates that you are. I don't _ever_ want to have to speak to you about this again. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Weyrleader," Elrenia murmured demurely, as Farraline simply nodded through a glower.

"Good." Before turning to leave, the man smiled and reminded Elrenia, "Jaione should be waiting for you outside."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Of course. Have a good day."

_I will_. The smile that bloomed across her face when she left the cavern, and entered the bowl almost made her cheeks hurt. Somehow she was sure that Farraline wouldn't learn her lesson so easily, but it still felt good to show her that she wasn't more important than anyone else in the Weyr.

"Elrenia!"

"Mirah!" she smiled at the blonde girl, turning to immediately move in her direction. "Jaione, have you two been getting along?"

"Yes," the candidate murmured, smiling warmly at Mirah. "Her and Sayath are amazing. I… can't believe you still have to oil them when they get that big!"

"Their skin gets dry," Mirah said simply, shrugging. "And it takes effort, but by that point they've become such a huge part of your life that you don't mind spending the time doing it."

"And you'll probably have friends that will help."

"So… what do you usually do about now, Elrenia?"

Levering herself to the ground next to the girls, she explained, "Usually I'll spend some time with Mirah, or H'val, before I have to take the children. Will you be helping me today?"

"With Manora's permission, I'd love to."

"Great!" And she meant it. "As much as I love the kids, they can be quite the handful after an hour or two. They get restless."

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_**Wendums, I'm not sure I understand your question. Manora IS headwoman, that's been stated more than once... what about clothing then?**_

_**DawnRain, I have absolutely no idea how many more chapters there will be. I've got a bunch of other things planned in this story, but if the chapters become a bit much I may consider finding a proper ending, and continuing on in a sequel. I'll tell you guys when I get there.**_


	33. Chapter 32

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 32**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Peace, of a sort, seemed to descend on Benden Weyr. With Farraline sporting a broken wrist, she was much better behaved. With the children under Elrenia _and_ Jaione's care, they were much calmer, and less intrusive. The most hectic thing, a given really, were the Weyrlings.

It wasn't purposeful of course, but dragonets could hardly be _controlled_. Especially while in the process of stretching their wings. The moment the first little beast got lift off, though it was only slight and very brief, every other dragonet realized they had their _own_ wings. And if a little green could take to the air, surely _they_ could as well.

Elrenia didn't know if dragons had competitions with each other, outside of racing during a mating flight, but surely this was an excellent example of one. When one started to fly, especially a little green—a veritable insult to all of the bigger, stronger dragons, _all_ of the others wanted to be the next. At one point she could swear she saw the little queen look in every possible direction before flapping _very_ hard for tens seconds without success. Harumphing, the beautiful little lady curled up in a sunspot, sulking for the rest of the day.

"They have such personalities, don't they?" Jaione asked, a different version of the same question she'd been asking for days. Over a sevenday even.

"They're individuals," Elrenia surmised, as always.

"They're fun."

Glancing over, noting the way the girl's eyebrows were pressed tightly together, Elrenia sighed. "Why are you nervous, Jaione?"

Startled, the girl looked sharply over at Elrenia's concerned expression. But there was no point in lying, somehow the brunette was able to see right through the candidate's act, and Jaione _knew _it. "I… can't be a rider."

"Oh?" Shaking her head firmly, Elrenia demanded, "Why is that?"

"I'm… not as good as you."

"How?"

"I…" The girl was flushing bright red, trying to look away from Elrenia until her chin was snagged. The brunette would have none of the shyness then, forcing eye contact as the girl tried to form a coherent sentence. "I… they… the dragons, that is, don't like me as much as you. And… I'm not as good with people. Or… or things. You're just… so much better than me. You're the obvious choice for the little Queen. I don't even know why I'm here."

"You're here because there's no such thing as an 'obvious' choice," Elrenia spoke firmly, proud to be able to say such a thing to the girl. Being able to say it wasn't what was important though. _Believing_ it, was.

"But—"

"No," Elrenia insisted, shaking her head sharply at the girl. "No 'but's. Jaione, you're so strong, and smart. You're working so hard for this, even though you're so far behind everyone. If that's not Queen rider material, I don't know what is."

"What about you? You're… you're like none of the other candidates."

"And if that little Queen wants me, I'll receive her happily. But if someone else gets her that just means that she is _hers_. Not that I deserve her less. Not that _you_ deserve her less."

"You're right."

"I know I'm right." Smiling, Elrenia actually meant it. She'd Impress, eventually. Everyone was certain of it. But whether it was at the up coming Hatching, or in ten turns… it didn't matter. The little Queen waiting to be taken into her arms would be hers, whenever she was ready to be born.

"I hope its Sarafina." Startled at the suddenly shift, Elrenia looked over at Jaione's hopeful expression. Patiently she waited for the girl to breathe and explain, "Sarafina's getting too old to stand at the Hatching. They… try to pick younger girls, right? So that the dragon can live a good, long life. But Sarafina… I'm surprised she's being allowed to stand at _all_."

It was true, and perfectly articulated. Something for Elrenia to think about as Jaione excused herself, claiming the need to speak with Manora about her chores for the day. What _was_ too old to stand at a Hatching? Was she getting close to that point? She hoped not. She wanted to stand at every Hatching imaginable until she got her dragon, and… didn't actually know where that thought came from. When did the want to be a rider become so… so… prominent? When did it become so important to her? When did she start—

"Good day, Elrenia."

"Good day, Z'den." —caring about being chosen so muc— "Z'den!"

"Elrenia?"

Moving to follow the man, as he didn't even break stride while looking back at her, Elrenia explained, "I haven't spoken to you since yesterday morning!" In a slightly more accusatory tone she said, "You missed dinner."

"I was traveling," the man spoke easily, shrugging his shoulders as though it wasn't actually important.

"But you _did_ eat?"

"Of course I did, you silly girl." Then, after a pause, he murmured, "Why do you care so much?"

Blushing brightly, Elrenia spluttered for a moment. "I… no… you… don't… it…" Seeing Z'den begin to laugh as her discomposure, she pouted and said, "If you'd prefer, I'll stop."

This _really_ drew a laugh, from deep within the man's chest. "Now, now, little girl. There's no reason to pout."

"I'm not a little girl."

"Then what's that expression?"

Schooling her face into a mask of apathy she murmured, "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

"Of course not," the man spoke as he touched her shoulder. "Thank you for asking, though. I had a wonderful meal with some of my old friends."

"Oh!" She simply couldn't help but grin at this. "So you went home?"

"I… suppose. Yes. I went back to my Hold."

"To see your parents?"

"Not… quite. No."

"Oh." Slightly surprised to hear this, the girl couldn't help asking, "Why wouldn't you visit your parents?"

Eyes narrowing just slightly, Z'den spoke sharply, "Elrenia, not now."

"Are your parents still alive?" Elrenia asked, failing to heed his clear warning as she peered up at him. It was the boldest question she'd yet to ask the man, and even as he nearly glowered down at her, she refused to take it back. He asked her sensitive things all the time! It was her turn to get answers. Especially ones he didn't want to give for some reason.

Whenever they started talking about family, Z'den grew both bold and shy. He wanted to know so much about her and the people in her life. Maybe it was in order to help the Harpers catch the people who hurt her. Maybe it was because he was curious. But the moment she started asking her own questions, it turned into, 'Ask me again later.' Her questions were always being pushed to the side, and his were somehow deemed of the utmost importance.

For once, the girl decided to push. All of Z'den's careful training wouldn't go to waste on her. She wouldn't let it. More than self defense was woven into those lessons of his. Much more.

"Well?"

There was a moment of silence, wherein Z'den didn't look like he was going to respond, before he shook his head. "No." There was no explanation, just the answer, and Elrenia was forced to step back as the brown rider leapt to the neck of his beast and was taken into the air.

_I should have known._

The death of ones parents was always a very touchy subject, of course. So much so that Elrenia had _expected_ such a response, but it still bothered her a little. The fact that Z'den had lost his parents did, that was. His eyes, just for a second, showed a depth of sorrow she didn't know the man was capable of. She wished that no one ever had to die. Wished that no one ever had to feel the pain of a loved one ripped away from them. But there was nothing she could do about it.

Feelings, however, were something she could try to fix. Z'den looked upset, and he was always there for her when something was on _her_ mind. It was only right that she do the same. So the moment she realized that Arlith was winging his way up to the man's weyr, she took to the stairs.

It was no secret that he didn't mind her visiting his chambers, so long she did not enter if he was not there, and she only came during acceptable hours. As the man was clearly present, and it wasn't even midday it seemed like the _perfect_ time for a visit! Whether he wanted her around or not. _This may not be the best idea_. And yet she entered anyway.

The look on the man's face as she sauntered in, made her hesitate however. For a moment he looked thoroughly surprised, eyebrows raising as his lips parted in a silent question. The moment he seemed to realize that she _followed_ him, his eyes narrowed though. Upper lip lifting in a sort of threatening snarl, the man breathed, "I'm not in the mood for this, child." He almost sounded tired as he ran a hand through his lanky hair.

"In the mood for what?" she tried to sound completely innocent, but it was clear he didn't believe her.

"Go away."

"What am I doing that you're not in the mood for?"

"You're _here_."

Raising her _own_ eyebrows at the way the man phrased his response, Elrenia asked, "You don't want me around?" Playing the sensitivity card usually did the man in, and to put forth the full effect she scrunched her eyebrows together.

"I…" Breathing in order to keep his temper under control, the man shook his head. "That's not what I meant, and you know it, Elrenia. _Please_, just go away. I need some time on my own."

"You need to talk."

"Don't you dare suggest you understand my needs better than I do."

"I certainly don't know your _wants_ better than you do, but maybe I do know what you need. You need to talk. You look—"

"Elrenia!" He snapped, closed his eyes and breathed again. In a much calmer tone he repeated, "Elrenia. Stop."

"But you look upset," she tried to reason, beginning to realize that she _truly_ might have erred in her decision to intervene. "I… just want to help."

"Help?" The man _scoffed_, and Elrenia flinched just slightly. "How can you help? I'm not Jaione, I don't need the _guidance_ of some little girl."

Rankling at the obvious insult, Elrenia managed to be angry enough to offer a glare of her own. "Excuse me? I've helped more people than just Jaione!"

"All of them younger than me. Much younger. All of them with superficial problems. All of them shy, and worried, and ashamed about something. I'm not a little boy, all right? I'm asking you to leave."

"But your parents—"

"Are dead. I understand you're just trying to help," the man's voice was audibly strained as he spoke. "I _understand_ that you're becoming more comfortable with the idea that this is your home, and you're allowed to act of your own volition, but I'm _telling_ you, this is not something I want you butting—"

"But I can help!"

"With what?" This was shouted, and although he lowered his voice immediately after, he didn't look quite so ashamed to have spoken so to the startled girl. "_What_ do I need help with?"

"When you… admitted… your parents… you… The look on your face... I know that look, Z'den. And this is something—"

"Don't you dare tell me that I have to deal with it."

"As a friend, it's sort of my job to tell you things you don't want to—"

"_Friend_?"

Breath catching in her throat, Elrenia waited for Z'den to continue speaking, stricken by what he was implying. But he didn't continue. No, he clenched his fists and breathed deeply, shaking his head at her instead. "Y-yes," she finally murmured. Moving forward and extending a hand to touch his arm. "Friend. As your friend."

"You're _not_ my friend."

It was like a knife to the chest, but she forged on regardless. "T-then as someone who understands what it's like to lose a parent."

"Shut your mouth."

"Why are you so reluctant to talk to me suddenly?" she asked, stepping forward as he turned his back on her. She knew she should quit. She knew she needed to walk out, right that very second, before any irreversible damage was done, but she couldn't. _He_ was one of the people who showed her that she could do this. She could talk, and act on her own. She didn't need anyone's permission. She had a mind, and she was allowed to use it! "I know what it's like Z'den. I know how much it hurts. You're not the only person in this world to feel the pain—"

"Go!" he bellowed, turning with eyes that burned like thread as he pointed toward the doorway. She'd erred. There was no turning back. "Get out of my weyr! Do not dare to show me your face again!" Every scrap of his normal geniality was gone, a horrifyingly vicious visage left in its place. Where he went out of his way to apologize every time he thought he may have hurt or offended her in the past, he was stalking toward her with the grace of the wild cats she heard lived in the South. "Return and I assure you will regret the day you were born."

_As though I don't already_, she thought as she turned her head, wishing to erase the imprint his fury left in her mind's eyes. She was out of the room before he could speak another word, moving down the steps trying to get away from the curious glances and question raised voices that appeared around every corner. She didn't want to explain what was happening, wasn't sure she _could_ explain for she hardly understood herself. What earned her Z'den's awful scorn? What had she done wrong?

That wasn't the right question, of course. She _knew_ what she did wrong—she actually tried to communicate with him. Of course it was about something he didn't want to involve her in, but the was the mark of a proper friendship. Trust. Clearly she trusted him far more than he trusted her, and her stomach churned to think she'd been wrong all along.

Where she'd thought, all this time, that he was merely misunderstood she'd been wrong. Clearly. But how? How could she have possibly been so mistaken? Was Z'den really only good when she was kept at a distance? That couldn't be true. It just _couldn't _be!

A brisk wind was slapping her cheeks before she realized there were large, hot tears rolling from her eyes, burning tracks down her face even as she forbade them passage. What was this to cry about? The scorn of another man should have meant nothing to her! What was hatred when one experienced rape? And the thought, the very sudden pervasive thought was almost enough to freeze her in place. To articulate it, to put the act into words… since when could she do that?

She wasn't sure how long it had been since H'val picked her out of the wherry field near Kelby's Hold, but she was sure it was sufficient time to catch a murderer, a rapist. She'd wasted so much time at the Weyr, overcoming fear and disgust toward herself and others. So much time that could have been used to avenge her family was squandered on people who considered her a _duty_, and here she was, _crying_ because one of them decided she wasn't worth his time anymore.

_I'm absolutely sharding __**ridiculous**__!_ She could almost laugh at herself and her behavior. _Get yourself together, Elrenia. __**This**__ is __**nothing**__! You're so much stronger than this. _So why was it that she couldn't stop crying?

Raising a hand to wipe her cheeks, she waved off the concerned question of one of her children. She knew that she shouldn't. The poor thing was only looking out for her, but she didn't want to deal with him or any of the others. They were far too young to understand, and she didn't want to burden them. Burden. _I __**am**__ a burden._

Tugging sharply on a stray lock of hair, Elrenia refused to walk that path again. She wouldn't. She couldn't. She couldn't _survive _it! Everyone told her she was strong, but she wasn't strong enough to survive the gut deep self loathing that came with those thoughts. No one was.

But then what was she to do? She'd crossed the line with Z'den, foolish on her part no doubt. A spur of the moment, impulsive move… Oh, how she despised impulse. It never seemed to lead her anywhere good. But after getting on his bad side, none of she confidants would respect her. In one felt swoop she'd managed to get on _everyone's _bad side! _You're just a sharding __**treat**__ aren't you?_

Another tug, and she whispered, "Stop it. Stop it. It's… no. You can't talk to me like that." She must have looked completely mad! Still rushing across the bowl, crying, talking to herself she must have looked like she finally broke.

_Small one?_ Turning unconsciously toward the disembodied voice, Elrenia saw the beautiful blue set down several feet off from her in the bowl. His rider practically leapt from his neck. The perfect person. Friend. Comrade. Everything. Always there when she needed him, and she didn't realize how much she needed him until she was burying her face in his neck.

"Elrenia?" H'val breathed her name, taking the girl lovingly into his arms. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

What was she supposed to say exactly? How was she supposed to explain that she ruined everything? She'd been doing so well, for so long, but that wonderful stretch was done. Now there was nothing she had left to do. Z'den never wanted to see her again. She was… she was _heartbroken,_ and she didn't know how to say this, short of a sobbed, "Z'den hates me!"

"Hush, Sweetling," the boy murmured, kissing her forehead softly. "Hush. He doesn't hate you."

"He does!" Oh, her wailing was pitiful, but at least there was no one but the boy around to see it. Everyone seemed to have cleared out of the area, even the dragonets were missing! H'val wouldn't judge her, she knew. H'val was never short of the sweetest man on all of Pern to her. "He said so! He said he never wants to see me again! H-h-he _hates_ me!"

"Shh." Another kiss was laid on her forehead as the boy pulled her to lean against Koth. "What happened, Elrenia? Why did he say that?"

"I… I… I was just talking to him."

"About what?"

"I… he… family."

"About family?" The boy tensed a little, murmuring, "You… talked to him about your family?"

"N-no. His family. I…"

"That's it."

"H'val?"

"He's… very touchy about his family."

"B-but we've been talking for _days_," she whimpered, leaning heavily against the boy's side. "He… why does it bother him _now_?"

"What exactly did you ask him?"

"I… I just… I wanted to know why he was so _reluctant_ to talk to me," she tried to explained, bringing her hands up to tug on her hair. Where had she gone wrong _exactly_? Why was it okay for Z'den to constantly ask her questions, and expect answers, but unacceptable for her to do the same? "I… I mean… we talk. But… but… but it's like I talk, and he just _sits_ there. So… so I've been trying to find out more about him."

"He's playing that game with you too?"

"Huh?" Confused, Elrenia glanced up at the young man. "G-game?"

"He did the same thing with me right after I Impressed Koth. I insisted that the two of us needed to be friends, so he sometimes let me ask him personal questions. He… humored me." Sighing, H'val pulled the girl tighter to his side and whispered, "What did you ask?"

"I asked why he didn't want to talk to me. It's… it's not like I don't understand what it feels like to lose a parent."

H'val _really_ tensed this time, pulling away to gaze down at the girl. "Please tell me you didn't actually _say_ that to him."

"Why?"

"Shards. You did, didn't you?"

"I-it's true!" she insisted. "Both of my parents are dead! I… I _know_—"

"It doesn't matter so much that you've experienced it too. You didn't see him when they died, Elrenia," H'val whispered. "He took it _hard_. I… have _never_ seen him so… so _distraught_. Even Arlith was acting strangely, for _weeks_. N'ton nearly banned him from flying, worried he'd do something drastic. But that was the only thing that calmed him down."

Gnawing her lip as she started to get a picture of what she did wrong, Elrenia was confused as for her next course of action. Z'den said he never wanted to see her again—was he serious? Was he just angry and caught in the moment? Would he be over it tomorrow? Would he allow her to apologize?

"What do I do?"

"I don't know." A sob ripped from Elrenia's throat at the words, and the boy held her tighter. "He means a lot to you, doesn't he?"

"He's my _friend_."

"You have a lot of friends here, Elrenia."

"No. I don't."

"Everyone likes you."

"That doesn't mean they're my friend," she explained. "How many of them would take time out of their day to teach me how to fight? How many of them would stand up to an angry Lessa for me? How many of them would race the leading edge for me? How many of them would honestly protect me?"

"Elrenia—"

"I _know_ they like me, H'val. But it's not the same. Z'den… Z'den is like_ you_. Z'den is special. Z'den…"

"You really like him…"

"I really do."

"Do you… do you really like me?"

Startled by the question, Elrenia gazed up at the boy. Something in his eyes wasn't quite right. An odd sort of sadness sat behind the worry, and she didn't know what to think of it. "H'val?"

"Do you… really like me too? Like you like Z'den?"

"Of course!" Hugging the boy, Elrenia buried her face in his shoulder. "You're both so good to me. I love you guys."

"I love you too, Elrenia." After another kiss the boy assured, "And Z'den does too. He… he's just… you should have seen him, when we received word. His parents were his _life_, and when he found out they'd been killed."

"Killed?"

"Not like your family, Elrenia," he explained. "It… it was an honest accident, I've been told. What happened to his family, I mean. They… it was an accident. A landslide, of sorts. A route over a cave was weak, and it… collapsed. There was nothing anyone could have done about it. But… it broke his heart."

Sobering slightly at the story, Elrenia just shook her head. It _always _hurt to lose someone dear, but… still his reaction. He… he _clearly _hated her. "Why couldn't he just tell me that?"

"He never tells anyone."

"So… so he hates me. Be-because I didn't… I… I didn't _know_ any better?"

"He… doesn't hate you."

"You didn't hear him talk to me!"

"Then _I'll_ talk to _him_, all right? I'll get this all cleared up. I promise. Everything will be just fine."

Without the faintest clue how the boy could possibly manage this, Elrenia believed him. H'val said he'd clear everything up, and so he would. With a few simple words he lifted the entire world from her shoulders, and released her heart from a vice she didn't know entrapped it.

"Oh, H'val," she murmured, moving forward to lean up against him. He was so absolutely perfect to her. So kind, and trustworthy. The perfect person. Perfect brother. Perfect friend. Perfect mate. _What?_

_You love us, small one_.

_I do. But…_

_ But?_

_ Why do I think of him like this?_

_You love us._

"I love you, H'val."

Silence.

Had she really just said that out loud? Another moment past, and neither one of them said a word. This was much different than a regular "I love you" between close friends, and both of them knew it. It was clear in her tone, clear in the trembling tension that ran through Elrenia's entire body. She _loved_ H'val, deeply. Very deeply. Much too intimately for a familial relation. Too passionately for a mere friend. And… she'd just admitted it.

How was he meant to react to this? _Any reaction would be good_. With him just _staring_ at her, she didn't know how bad her mistake was. _Clearly bad enough_. It needed to be fixed before there was a permanent rift between them. She couldn't lose him! She couldn't lose _both_ of them in one day!

"H'val," she whispered, shaking her head nervously. "I'm so—"

His lips touched hers suddenly and stayed there, perfectly still, just for a moment.


	34. Chapter 33

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 33**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Nothing.

No spark.

No lust.

No need to rip his clothing off and have her way with his body.

"Sorry," H'val murmured, moving to step respectfully away from her, red faced and ashamed. She could only laugh. The soft rumble caught his attention right as he was prepared to offer some sort of penance for such a horrible transgression, and he breathed a sigh of relief almost immediately after. "So… you're relieved too?"

"Unbelievably."

Arms wrapped around her waist as H'val pulled her into a hug then, murmuring, "You're important to me."

"You're important to me too." She hugged him back. "Extremely important." How else was she supposed to explain this? She was happy that she felt nothing when they kissed. No fear, no excitement. It just _was_. "I meant it, H'val. I love you."

"I love you too. I'm… so glad Koth found you that day."

"I wanted to die."

"Elrenia?"

"I…" Why did she say that? Why would she _dream_ of admitting such a thing? "I was… half hoping I'd be caught by the Thread. Killed. I… my family had just been killed. I had nowhere to go. I didn't think anyone would help me." Breaking her entire situation down into a few sentences, they suddenly seemed so dismal. Had that really been her frame of mind all those days ago? "I… thank you."

Pressing his lips softly against her cheek, the boy took a moment to breathe the words, "Don't ever feel that way again."

And for the first time, Elrenia couldn't imagine herself feeling that sort of desperation ever again. Z'den may have been angry at her, but everything was okay. She had a home, and a job. She was _functioning_, and safe. She was protected. And most importantly, she was loved. No matter how bad things managed to get, she'd never be alone again, and for her that's all that really counted. She'd never have to fear being hurt so deeply again, even if her mind refused to accept that. No one would ever be allowed to do such a thing to her again. _Rape._

Having thought it once, her mind clung to the word. _He raped me_, and it had been absolutely disgusting. Never again would she be subject to the will of a man. She wouldn't _let_ it happen. Ever. But that made the thought of Impression that much more daunting.

As she understood, no one had control of what happened during the mating flight. _Every_ mating flight was rape. If she Impressed… how often did a Queen mate? Once a month? Once a turn? Once a lifetime? The very thought of it made her feel just a little sick, and H'val seemed to notice the change, wrapping his arm around her tighter.

"Elrenia?"

"I can't do this."

"Elrenia?"

"I… can't do this. I can't be a rider. I can't be a _Queen_ rider! I—"

"Yes you can," H'val insisted, shaking his head in confusion as to where this sudden change came from. The girl made no sense sometimes. "You can and you _will_. There's nothing to be afraid of."

But he didn't understand. No one understood. How could they? She'd never told any of them, and honestly she didn't plan to. They didn't need to know. A mass murder was more than enough to punish _him_ for. She didn't need… they didn't… oh, what would people say about her if they knew? She'd have no choice but to stay at the Weyr, no Holder would want her. They'd want a young, beautiful, pure girl. Not…

"What? What are you thinking?" A moment of silence with a distant look, and H'val whispered, "Oh, Elrenia, you _are_ beautiful."

"I'm not." Trying and failing to pull away from the young man, H'val tilted her chin up toward him. Careful, she repeated, "I'm… unremarkable."

"With the eyes of a storm and the darkest brown hair I've ever seen? How is that unremarkable?"

"You should have seen my sisters, they—"

"Aren't you." Somehow the boy sounded so sure of himself. He didn't _know_ how beautiful her sisters were, but he thought… she… she couldn't help but press herself against his chest. "You are so beautiful Elrenia. Especially when you smile. So how about you stop crying, and smile so everyone else can see how beautiful you truly are?"

_He really is so perfect._

_ Thank you._

_ Telling on me again, are you?_

_ H'val made you feel better._

Laughing, loudly, Elrenia shook her head and gave up. Why should she feel upset if she didn't have to? She had every right to feel _happy_, and she would. Even if she couldn't stop herself from asking, "You'll speak to Z'den?"

"The moment I see him, I'll tell him what's what. All right?"

"Thank you."

And that was that. H'val would speak to Z'den and, if all went well, she would be on speaking terms with the brown rider again. It was enough to put a smile on her face as she excused herself, moving back toward the entrance of the lower caverns where she heard she name shouted, "Elrenia!"

"Well aren't I popular today?" the girl responded immediately with a smile and a laugh, tilting her head questioningly at the man jogging over to her. "How are you today, F'nor?"

"I'm well. I… heard you were quite upset earlier," the man spoke with the slightest bit of hesitance. The girl assumed he was worried about upsetting her again, and smiled reassuringly. "I'm glad to see that you're feeling better. You are, aren't you?"

"Much better, actually," she said. "I'm glad you're well. You… called me. Do you need me for something?"

"I…" Hesitance. Why was the man so hesitant? It wasn't just him worrying about doing something that would get him on Brekke's bad side for a few days. Something in his eyes, and the set of his shoulders told Elrenia whatever this was ran much deeper than that. "F'lar needs you."

Breathe catching, the girl murmured, "About Farraline?"

"What?" The man shook his head in only mild confusion. "I thought you handled that before."

"He… made me apologize," the girl explained, raising a hand to push hair out of her eyes. "I… then what does he need me for?"

"Robinton."

"He's here?"

"He is."

And, immediately, Elrenia ran. If the Masterharper was at the Weyr, asking for her, that meant there was news. Something happened. The Lord Holder was searching for, or had found Ronomer. He'd kept his word, and was returning with news of it. It seemed like too short a time, but Harpers did some of the most amazing things she'd ever heard of. Maybe this was just one of them.

Entering the room without knocking, Elrenia bowed formally in apology for not waiting to be invited in. "I… I'm sorry Weyrwoman, I… Master Robinton." She couldn't hide her brightest smile. "You're here. Hello."

"Elrenia," the grey haired man spoke her name in the solemnest of tones, face as serious as she'd ever seen it, and her smile waned. The expression almost gave her chills, but it was his next words that set her blood on ice, "There's nothing that Raid can do if you do not speak to him personally. He says that the allegations are just too extreme for him to accept even _my_ word. Official reports say that the fire and subsequent deaths were an accident. He requests an audience."

Three things happened then. Elrenia got pale, Elrenia wanted to throw up, and Elrenia _did_ throw up. It was so sudden that none of the people around her knew quite how to react, but Lessa was quick to overcome her shock and reach forward to calmly pull stray pieces of hair from the disgusting mess. There was a long moment, after the dry heaving ceased, that the brunette just stared at the floor. Everyone had been so sure that this was a matter that could be handled easily. It was so drastic, so extreme that it just couldn't be ignored. But those same points were causing trouble now? No one had seen it coming. No one.

Murmuring an apology, Elrenia appeared to be more upset to have just gotten sick all over her Weyrwoman's bedchamber rather than the fact that she'd have to go tell her story to another person. She knew this would happen. She'd been warned from the beginning that while Robinton could bring the matter to light, and begin the process she would have to speak formally to the Lords. It just wasn't supposed to be so soon. It wasn't supposed to be _now_. It couldn't be. There was so much that she needed to do. So much… and then… but they… Thinking about it, the girl gagged and leaned forward to vomit once more.

"Oh, Elrenia," she heard Lessa murmur, holding out a glass of water the second she stood back up and wiped her mouth. "Sit down before you fall down. All of you, sit. We… those _sharding_ Holders. What kind of proof do they _need_?"

"I asked the same question, my dear," Robinton promised. "Raid simply said he wants to speak with the young woman making the complaint."

"Complaint?" Elrenia was outraged, and Robinton looked over at her in a sort of surprised amusement.

Smiling softly, the man leaned forward and whispered, "Did you find your voice while I was away, darling?"

"It's not a _complaint_!" Elrenia completely ignored the man's question, standing straight up to pace, only to have F'lar push her carefully back into her seat. "I… it's… it's _not_ a complaint! It's so much more than that. How dare he… he… _illegitimize _what happened like that! I… I…" Unsure of what exactly she wanted to say, the girl just shouted, and threw her hands into her hair.

"Will you come see him, then?"

"No." Everyone in the room turned to argue with the girl at once, but she shook her head. "No," she repeated firmly. "Not until after the hatching."

"You're a Candidate?" Robinton asked, surprised. Eyes twinkling in a way that betrayed his complete and utter amusement. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"We weren't expecting you to come visit so suddenly," Lessa explained absently, staring firmly at Elrenia. "Are you sure about this?" The little spitfire's voice was completely neutral, even if she was seething with the same rage that Elrenia was. "Positive? You can go, and still stand—"

"I can't miss my lessons," Elrenia insisted firmly, crossing her arms. "The Hatching is only a month or so away, right? I can wait that long."

Looking over at the Harper, F'lar asked, "Can she?"

Abruptly, Elrenia realized that the man posed an excellent point. It was entirely possible that the Lord Holder would _only_ see her now. It had already been so long since the massacre, what if he thought that further delay would only undermined the situation further. It would give Ronomer even more time to escape. It… might not have been the best choice.

"It's possible," Robinton admitted. "But it would make actually finding and charging the guilty parties significantly more difficult. We have no idea if Ronomer is staying in the same place—"

"He has to be."

"Why?"

"He has no practical skills. I've never seen him do anything but boss people around. He can't go anywhere, because he doesn't like doing _real_ work."

"So he's likely to have remained at home?"

"Yes, Masterharper."

"This is good news. Could you, perhaps, point the exact area out to me?"

"I…" Could she? It… Elrenia was better with maps than with most things, but not exact distances. She could say, vaguely, that it wasn't a day's walk from the top of the tall hill to the entrance of his Hold. It was possible to ride there in just a few hours. It was possible to run there, even, granted the person had decent endurance for such things. "Maybe? I'll… try."

"That's all I ask."

It only took a moment for F'lar to locate and spread a detailed map of Benden Hold and its territories, all the way to the Weyr, out on the table. It seemed even the littlest Holds were noted on the map, and this was shocking to Elrenia. Forever she'd believed that no one even knew she existed, but after scanning the map in what she assumed would be a useless gesture, she saw the tall hill. Just a little mark, with a forest denoted not far South. A Hold several miles off. A small, insignificant little Cothold right beside it. Levic. Her home.

"By the Shell…"

"Elrenia?"

"I… we… that's us. We're on the map." Just for a moment she had the urge to cry, raising her fingers to get lips as she stared. That was her home, there for everyone who cared to look to see. "I didn't know we were on any maps…"

"Of course you were, dear. It's quite important to keep an eye on the people within your Holding."

"But… why were we never made to tithe?"

"Your Hold was quite small yes?"

"Yes, Masterharper."

"And your fields?"

"Ruined by thread some years back."

"Maybe Lord Raid was aware of this. Maybe his men did."

"But… no one even _asked_."

"Did your father ever tithe?" F'lar asked suddenly, raising one curious eyebrow. "Before the thread?"

"I don't know." Shaking her head slightly, Elrenia hated to think of how little she actually knew about her father's affairs.

"But you never did?"

"No, sir."

"And your brother. Renzal, was his name?"

"That is. But… he never tithed either. I know that for fact. We… practically fought over our finances all of the time."

"And you say Lord Raid never checked on you?"

"Never."

"Did you ever get visitors?"

"I…" Did they ever get visitors? Thinking back, Elrenia couldn't recall anyone particularly remarkable. No one finely dressed, or with message indicating he was sent by the Lord Holder. But… "Every few months someone would wander by. Needing a place to stay for a night. We couldn't well turn them away."

"And after Renzal died?"

"We… still got visitors occasionally."

"The same people?"

"I don't believe so. I would have remembered. They were always quite polite, and introduced themselves properly."

"Perhaps _they_ were sent by Lord Raid."

"It… couldn't… I don't think so…" But, if she really spent a moment thinking about it, it was plausible. They got visitors with an almost suspicious regularity. It didn't seem so at the time, with six month stretches between, but they almost always had someone twice a year. Right before the snows, and right after the flowers bloomed. "M-maybe?"

"So, _this_ is Levic?" Robinton asked quietly, pointing to the place the girl indicated on the map in order to pull the attention of the room back to the subject at hand. "So… this would be Ronomer's Hold?"

"I… think so. It's the second closest to the tall hill. I…"

"Tall hill?"

"This." Elrenia pointed. "I… that's what we all used to call it. I… don't know if it has a proper name. But, it was like a grassy little mountain overlooking Levic."

"So that's your landmark?"

"It is."

Very suddenly Lessa piped up to ask, "So… you don't know how to find your home on a map?"

"I… was never taught about maps, Weyrwoman."

"Well, we must see to that. It's an important skill to have."

"Oh, I couldn't possibly—"

"Z'den can teach you, along with your defense lessons. It will save time and energy that way."

Unable to explain that she was no longer on speaking terms with the blonde, Elrenia simply nodded her head compliantly. If Lessa wanted her to learn to read maps, then she would learn to read maps. She'd just have to learn far more than just _maps_, if that was the case. _Koth, can H'val read maps?_

There was a short pause, before the softly rumbled, _Yes, small one,_ sounded.

_ Can he teach me?_

_ You need only ask._

Problem solved, the girl smiled weakly at Lessa, who reached out to grip her arm. "You look quite tired."

"It's… been an impossibly long day."

"Yes, well, I know how difficult this can be Elrenia," the little woman sympathized. "You're being commendably courageous."

Blushing instantly at the compliment, Elrenia shook her head. "I… I'm not being courageous at _all_, Weyrwoman!"

"Wherry teeth."

Smiling weakly once more, Elrenia chose not to argue further, a decision that gained a discreet nod from F'lar. Quickly she was learning the cues of the Weyr. Granted, they weren't so hard, especially when they involved not getting into a spat with Lessa—which should have been common sense, but sometimes wasn't. But it seemed every single day she learned something new about the people that surrounded her. Certain topics weren't safely spoken around specific groups. Certain gestures were unappreciated. The better she learned these things, the easier it was to keep away from arguments and misunderstandings.

"I'll inform Lord Raid that you'll see him as soon as the Impression is past. Lessa, will she be able to leave her dragon for a few hours if she should Impress?"

The woman paused, just for a second, before nodding. "Of course. I'll watch over the dragonet myself, if I must."

"It's… not habit to allow Weyrlings to leave, is it?" Elrenia asked quietly. Somehow it hadn't occurred to her that having to speak to a Lord Holder would be a problem. "It won't hurt—"

Reaching over to touch the girl's shoulder, F'lar explained, "It's not habit to allow Weyrlings out so early." Naturally this made the girl nervous. There was already so much talk about favoritism toward her, she'd hate for that to follow her into her life as a Rider. However, this was a special circumstance, wasn't it? Shaking her head softly, the girl realized abruptly that her Weyrleader was still talking. "…will worry the dragonet to have their rider so far away so soon, but there won't be a problem. I promise, Elrenia."

"Thank you, F'lar."

"Of course." Then after a moment, almost as though the man was trying to offer the girl a much needed escape route, he murmured, "The children are probably waiting for you."

"Oh!" The man was right, and so Elrenia got straight to her feet, bowing her head to Robinton. "Masterharper, thank you for coming to see me. It… means the world."

"I promised this would be solved, Elrenia. I intend to keep that promise."

Smiling softly at this, the girl slipped from the room. Perhaps things weren't going exactly the way she'd hoped, but at least she wasn't being abandoned. When first Rilow informed her that the Lord thought she was lying she'd nearly lost her hope. How could he think she was lying? How could he think that _anyone_ would lie about such a thing? She'd thought that was the end. The Lord Holder didn't believe and there was nothing she could do, but, clearly, the Harpers were even less content than she was to allow the situation to stand.

The Harpers were the best of people, a fact that was becoming clearer and clearer to her every time she spoke to the Masterharper. She wasn't sure she'd ever met a man quite so kind as him, quite so caring. But then she hadn't thought anyone would care enough to want to help her at all when she was first taken to the Weyr. There were still many things she needed to learn about people. Many things.

Children, she found, were wonderful teachers. They gave brutally honest evaluations of all things without really meaning to, something that amused and intrigued Elrenia immensely. It wasn't what they said quite so much as she found that they were often right. The younger children tended to be more frightened by, or angry with the tougher riders, Z'den among them. The men didn't allow for mistakes, and were always yelling, complained one of the older children. They spoke warmly of the people who showed obvious care, like Mirah. But it was when judging the goodness of a person that Elrenia _truly_ found herself amazed by the children entrusted to her.

"She's not bad," Danaen murmured, resting his head against Elrenia's chest. "She yells a lot a'cause she's always telling us not to get hurt, and we do. But she's not bad. If you're good, she'll give you a bubbly pie or something. I heard her say it means she cares. So it's good that she cares."

"Manora does care," Elrenia murmured into the boy's hair, kissing the top of his head. "She cares a lot, and that's the only reason she sometimes yells."

"Does that mean Z'den cares too?"

"Hum?"

"He was yelling at you before. I heard. Does that mean he cares?"

Unable to respond in any other way, Elrenia murmured, "I… hope. I… Manora gets angry when you put yourselves in danger. But… Z'den and I… we got into an argument. A misunderstanding."

"Were you wrong?"

"Not… really."

"Was he wrong?"

"No."

"I don't understand."

"Go play with the others, dear one."

Watching the boy run off, Elrenia smiled sadly. She wondered if H'val was busy talking to Z'den. Wondered if they were fighting. She hoped not. There was no question that the brown rider meant quite a lot to the young man. H'val both respected and adored the older man, and she'd hate for anything to happen to that relationship because of her. In fact, she had half a mind to ask Koth to tell H'val _not_ to pursue the situation. But she couldn't.

Hope was provided by the mere _thought_ that the situation might be solved for her. Overwhelmed wasn't the right word to describe the feeling shifting about in her gut, but if was close. It felt like nothing was right, and nothing ever would be. _Foolishness._ And yet the feeling was there, not as prevalent as it could be, had been, but there all the same.

The feeling lasted through out the day. As she waved at Robinton, high in the sky as he was returned to his duties, it churned her stomach. When she smiled at H'val while passing him in the bowl it chewed her guts. It followed, and picked, and prodded well into the night as she brushed bath water from her hair. It was an odd sort of anxiety that sat firmly on her shoulders, holding her down _just so_. It was a beast, really, the worry that this was a situation that could not her fixed.

Jumping slightly, Elrenia turned around at the sound of a knock at her chamber door. Taking just a moment to breathe, she calmly called permission for whomever it was to enter. But who in the world would be visiting her so late at night? H'val usually came in on Koth over the ledge. This was—"Z'den?"

Immediately her lip started quivering, the horrible feeling of inadequacy from earlier resurfacing, the anxiety peaking. She'd been told to never show her face again, and yet there _he_ was? For a moment Elrenia didn't know if she was supposed to be angry or upset. She… just _stared _at the man, stepping quickly away when he approached her.

His hands weren't clenched, but he was moving quickly. _Striding_ over to her like a man on a mission, and all she could think was that H'val had gone and yelled at him, and now _she_ was going to be punished for it. Backing straight into the wall, the girl inhaled sharply as she realized that she cornered herself.

Squeezing her eyes shut, the girl counted the seconds before he arrived, knowing there was no escape. What would he do? _One. _Would he shout? _Two._ Would he grab her? _Three._ Would he hit her? _Four. _Would he hurt her? _Five_. Would he—

Hands wrapping around her upper arms, and Elrenia didn't even _try_ to fight back. She just closed her eyes even tighter and whimpered. Prepared for the worst even after she was pulled tight against Z'den's chest. It took a long moment for her to realize she wasn't in pain. He wasn't hurting her. And when she finally gazed up, it was straight into sad green eyes.

"Lessons will resume tomorrow morning. The usual time. I need to see someone, so I'll miss breakfast, but don't forget to eat. Do you understand?"

"…Yes."

Pressing his lips to her forehead, Z'den lingered just for a second before releasing Elrenia and sweeping from the room.

She was forgiven.

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**_You guys really need to stop guessing what's going to happen next xD It's giving me ideas and messing up my timeline (I'm joking of course. I love it. Keep guessing =D some of your ideas are better than mine, and will be assimilated)._**

**_And Jedi Knight—don't ever say you have no talent for writing. No one is talentless. It just takes want and practice._**


	35. Chapter 34

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 34**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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"No!" the word tore from her throat, echoing through the weyr like a disastrous song. The fire was back. She knew it was a dream, but she couldn't seem to wake herself up. His hands were on her, and no matter how frantically she twisted she couldn't get away. "No! No! Stop!" Inhaling around the cries felt like swallowing embers. "Please!" But no amount of pleading was able to stop the man in her dreams, and she was lifted. Shifted. Moved. Grabbed. Shaken. "Stop! No!"

Lips, warm and wet, disgusting were everywhere. Her neck, her lips, her… her forehead. Her forehead was being kissed, over, and over again as her hair was stroked. It was only then that it occurred to her to open her eyes.

A glow had been lit nearby, held carefully in Mirah's grasp. Beside her stood a concerned looking H'val, practically bouncing on his toes as he struggled to hold himself back. Movement from the doorway told the girl that someone else was coming in—a disheveled, worried looking Lessa with F'lar at her side. "What's going on in here?"

"A nightmare, I think," a deep voice rumbled against her cheek. Z'den. The blonde man was cradling her carefully, still stroking the top of her head.

"A nightmare that made her scream loud enough to wake me? Bad enough for Ramoth to summon me?" Lessa asked quietly, not looking as annoyed as she sounded. Her voice was raspy with sleep still, but she walked forward to touch Elrenia's sweaty cheek. "Are you okay, Flitterby?"

"I… I…" Throat raw from the screaming she'd apparently been doing, Elrenia stopped talking and shook her head. No. No she was _not_ okay, and somehow she couldn't bring herself to lie about it. It was important that everyone know that something was, in fact, quite wrong. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Don't worry about that," she woman mumbled. "Tell me—"

"No!" Blushing at her own audacity, the girl tried again, "You should… it's far too early to be awake. I'm so sorry. You should go back to sleep. Please…"

"Elrenia…"

"Weyrwoman," Z'den spoke firmly, shaking his head. "Go back to bed. I'll stay with her—"

"_We'll_ stay with her," H'val interjected.

Agreeing instantly, Mirah murmured, "We all will. Don't worry yourselves, please. You look exhausted."

"As though you don't," Lessa scoffed, but nodded her head. "Fine. I can tell when I'm not wanted."

"Come, dear one," F'lar murmured, kissing his woman's head. "You're sure you have this, Z'den?"

"Of course. Out. With the both of you. Out."

Chuckling slightly at the dismissal, F'lar gave Z'den a long, speaking look before calmly leading Lessa away. It wasn't as though Elrenia was the first person to ever find herself trapped in a nightmare, but it wasn't often that one screamed loud enough for one's voice to echo across the bowl. It was less common still that the Weyrleader and his woman went to investigate, but Elrenia was too shaken to really think about this. No, she was more concerned about the fact that she woke anyone at all, and thought, _Koth, please tell everyone I woke that I'm okay. I'm so sorry._

_They understand. I love you, small one._

Suddenly the tension left Elrenia's body, and she collapsed in Z'den's strong grip, whispering, "I'm so sorry."

"For what, child?"

"I'm such a pain to you. I… yesterday… I'm so sorry. And now I've woken you. I… Mirah, H'val, you don't have to—"

"I'm staying," the girl nearly snapped, moving to sit on the other side of Elrenia on the bed, patting an empty spot for H'val to join her. "Don't even think of trying to convince me otherwise. You won't succeed."

Laughing weakly at this, Elrenia just allowed herself to be held. It felt rather nice. Z'den's arms enveloped her completely, surrounding her with warm muscle, and the smell of dragon and leather. He always smelled of dragon and leather, more than anyone else she knew. It was comforting, to say the very least, a fact she'd long since come to terms with. In fact it was something she kept going back to, something that kept her grounded. She didn't understand why, and didn't dare question it.

No one spoke for a while. Z'den held her, stroking her mussed hair gently, Mirah rubbed her bare ankle in calming circles, and, periodically, H'val made faces at her to make her laugh. Stopping the girl's trembling was a joint effort by the three, but with tender care they managed to calm the girl's racing heart.

The blonde man, somehow, must have known this because it was right as her heart started to beat at a regular pace again that he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Words, a gift given to him by his Harper father, were used exactly as they needed to be. By giving her the choice of whether or not she wanted to let the trio into the dark depths of her mind, Elrenia was put even more at ease. There were no expectations here. There would be no punishment for saying the wrong thing, like, "I… no. I… I can't. I…"

"Shush, child," the man gently commanded. "Don't worry. You don't need to talk. It's okay."

"Thank you."

"Are you feeling better?" H'val nearly whispered the words, reaching out to touch her hand.

"I… am. My heart isn't racing anymore."

"That's good."

"I… am so sorry for waking you. All of you. You… must be exhausted."

"Like you?" H'val laughed. "You _sound_ like you're about to pass out."

"I _feel_ like I'm about to," she admitted. "I… you should all go get sleep. I… didn't mean to be a bother."

"It's in your nature."

"Z'den!" Mirah scolded, eyes narrowing to slits. "I will beat you within an inch of your life."

"Sure you will." Then, turning serious eyes back to the brunette pressed against his chest, the man asked, "Would you like us to leave you, Elrenia?"

_No_. "If you'd like. You're traveling tomorrow, yes? You need sleep."

"Are you sure?"

_No!_ "Yes."

Imperceptibly, the man sighed, but released the girl. "As you wish." Standing, he motioned for H'val and Mirah to follow him. "Come." And while the blue rider got to his feet to do as he was told, the small girl merely stretched out her legs. "Mirah?"

"I'm staying."

Narrowing his eyes, Z'den growled, "Mirah—"

"I'm _staying_!" There was no arguing with the Queen rider. "Now go. The both of you. I want some girl time with Elrenia. Go. Shoo. Leave. Scat. Out. Leave."

"Elrenia?"

"It's fine. You can… sleep well? Please? I… I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

Reluctantly the boys left the two girls alone, and immediately Mirah turned to the brunette. "It was about your Hold."

"Let's just sleep—"

"That's not the way this works, Elrenia. You _have_ to talk about it." Reaching out to touch the brunette's hand, Mirah murmured, "It's okay. You can trust me."

"I…" Knowing full well that the girl was right, Elrenia wasn't sure what to do. "I… was back." How could she explain what happened in her mind? She… "It was so horrible."

"What was?"

"The fire."

"The fire?"

"I… could hear them screaming."

"Oh, Elrenia."

"Can I sleep?" the girl practically begged, rubbing her eyes roughly. "Please? Mirah, I'm tired. I'm so tired."

"Of course," the girl assured her, moving to lay down properly on one side of the bed. "You don't mind sharing, do you?"

"I… no." Quite frankly, the girl was extremely relieved to not be alone. She'd never have asked one of them to stay with her, but she was pleased that the cheery girl was anyway. "I'm sorry for waking you."

"Shh. Sleep. No nightmares will bother you now."

And the girl was right. Elrenia slept extremely well with her friend pressed against her back. It brought her back to sharing a bed with her sisters, of the nights she spent crammed between cousins because there was barely enough room to house her extended family. When she awoke, the girl's arm was draped absently over her waist, and she couldn't resist smiling. _I guess I still have family._

It was a pleasant thing to consider, as she lay still, waiting for the other girl to wake. Every once in a while the thought of the Weyr being her family crossed her mind, but something always seemed to happen that dashed the thought. Maybe the fact that she kept going back to it meant it was true. She wouldn't mind so much, if that were the case. At least that meant _something_ in her life was consistent.

"Mmmmph," Mirah murmured, curling closer to Elrenia's side as she shifted. The girl looked so small, so peaceful laying there. Whichever man won her needed to deserve her, Elrenia decided. The little blonde was not allowed to be with a man that wasn't good enough.

But that was one of the problems with mating flights, wasn't it? The riders really didn't get a choice, but got caught in the heat of the moment. Did they ever regret it afterwards? Did Lessa love F'lar before that first flight, or had she merely endured his attentions? Had the falling in love happened later? Were they in love at all? Was it all pretend?

She hoped it wasn't. Part of her _needed_ Lessa's love for F'lar to be real, because it meant that maybe, after time, she could come back from her own tragedy. Lessa needed to love F'lar, because if she didn't… what was left? If she Impressed she'd be forced to endure a man for the rest of her life, no matter her heart. People said that the rider's preference could sway a dragon in flight, but she wasn't sure how _well_ this could be done.

There wasn't much time to contemplate as light brown eyes popped open and gazed blearily at Elrenia. For a moment there was no recognition there, but as slowly the girl woke up further, she smiled and consciously tightened the arm around her friend's waist in a hug. "Good morning, Elrenia."

"Good morning, Mirah. How did you sleep?"

"Well." Yawning loudly, the girl stretched her arms above her head, and Elrenia took the opportunity to get out of bed. "I forgot how nice it was to share a bed with someone."

"Pardon?"

"I always used to sleep with my best friend, when we were children. Our father's worked in the same Hold, so we were always together." Sitting up and readjusting her clothes, Mirah laughed, "I miss her sometimes."

"Only sometimes?"

Shrugging, Mirah started to put her feet on the floor before withdrawing with a yelp. "How can you stand there?" she demanded, staring in shock. "It's freezing!"

"Cold floors don't bother me." But Elrenia wasn't about to drop the subject of Mirah's friend, and pressed, "Why do you only sometimes miss her?"

"She's living a good life," Mirah explained, pressing a toe to the cold stone in an attempt to acclimate herself to the temperature. "She's married now. With a child, hopefully a son, on the way."

"Why a son?"

"She promised to name her son, if he was her first born, Miran. After me."

Laughing, Elrenia shook her head. "Oh, you self centered brat."

"Hey! I promised to name mine Farlo after her!"

Shaking her head again, Elrenia excused herself to locate two pairs of socks, one of which was flung absently in Mirah's direction. Nodding at the thanks she was given, the girl picked out her clothing for the day. The same tunic and leggings she usually wore. Both were just loose enough to make her feel safe.

"We need to get you new clothes."

"Mirah?"

"All of those were gathered from around the Weyr. I can tell. I wore that same tunic my first few days here."

A little defensively, Elrenia asked, "What's your point?"

"You need your own clothes," the girl insisted. "Especially for the Hatching. Good Lord, you don't have a dress do you? That won't do. I'd give you mine, but there's no way it would fit. You're too tall."

"Mirah, it's not important…"

"It's very important!" the girl insisted, shaking her head. "Maybe… hum… I wonder if maybe I could take you somewhere sometime soon. Get you something to wear."

"Mirah—"

"Don't try to convince me not to, Elrenia. I want—"

"I don't have any marks!"

"Elrenia?"

"I… have nothing. I have absolutely nothing. No marks. At all. I can't _afford_ to go anywhere, or buy anything. These clothes are fine. They fit, and they're warm. I… can't ask for anything else."

There was a moment of silence, wherein Mirah just _stared_ at the girl. A sort of pity in her eyes made Elrenia look away until the little woman walked over and hugged her. "You're my friend, Elrenia," Mirah explained, eyes closed peacefully. "I want to buy you a dress. Let me buy you a dress?"

"But… I couldn't pay you back."

"Yes you can!" Mirah insisted, thinking just for a second before smiling. "You can help me scrub Sayath next time she needs it! That's fair. You can help me keep her clean and oiled, and I can buy you a nice gown."

"Mirah…"

"Please? I… Elrenia, I just… you deserve something nice."

Before the girl could argue further, there was a knock, and H'val called out, "You two awake yet?"

"Yes," Elrenia called back without any hesitation. "Come in!"

"You're both decent?"

"I wouldn't let you in if we weren't!"

"Think about it," Mirah requested lightly as she walked up to, and patted H'val's arm. "She's all yours, big guy. I need to get changed."

"Good morning to you too," the boy laughed, watching her walk out before turning back to the brunette. "Elrenia, did you sleep well?"

"I did. I'm… glad Mirah stayed with me, I guess," the girl admitted, walking into the bathing room to change out of her nightclothes modestly. "I really am sorry for waking you," she called back into the room.

"Stop apologizing, will you?" the boy called back, almost laughing. "You _know_ I don't mind."

"But still…"

"Still nothing. I want to help you. How can I possibly help you if I'm not willing to wake up in the middle of the morning?"

"You do just fine," she assured him, voice raised to be heard over the water she was carefully splashing over her limbs to wash off sweat from the night before. "You care for me better than anyone I've ever known."

"That can't possibly be true."

"But it is!"

Silence, just for a second, before, "Are you done yet? I'm hungry."

Heeding the call of a man's empty stomach, Elrenia finished cleaning and dressing quickly, only pausing long enough to slip shoes on before allowing H'val to escort her from the room. Though her stomach was very clearly empty, Elrenia didn't feel the least bit hungry.

Still, she ate the food Mirah served her with a smile, laughing at the antics of some of the boys along the way. They had a very real knack for cheering her up when she was in a mood. Something she was grateful for, if nothing else.

The morning was a blur for her, with the heat of flames tickling the edges of her mind until finally—_finally_—a familiar voice, a deep rumble on the wind, told her that it was time for her lessons. Z'den had returned from whatever he'd had to do, and even if her stomach twisted in an odd sort of shame at the things that had recently transpired between them and her ever present uselessness, she was relieved to turn and find him there.

Green eyes narrowed momentarily at her as she approached, but the shaggy haired man didn't say a word. He just turned on his heel and led her up to his weyr, waiting for her to settle before shifting his weight to his left foot and raising his hands to fight her.

"Ready?"

"I am." Adding weight to her statement, Elrenia shifted her own stance, rolling her shoulders back so that she could more properly sink into the moment.

As usual, she made the first move, knowing full well that the man never would. It was almost frustrating how he continued to humor her, letting her get in hits when he could have clearly, and easily blocked them. Not even watching her, as he'd taught her to watch her opponent. And even with this humiliating pity, she couldn't seem to get the upper hand.

It was impossible to ever _really_ get the upper hand from the Brown Rider.

"You're getting better at this!" Z'den commended, watching the girl's footwork. "Much better. You've been practicing?"

"Of course I've been practicing!" Elrenia muttered defensively, reaching out to push the man's shoulder gently. "What do you take me for?"

"A good student," the man smiled slightly, catching the girl's next punch easily. "Enough for now, yeah? I was told you needed to learn how to read maps."

The sudden change in topic startled the girl, drawing her eyes sharply up to Z'den's face. She'd only told Koth, who would only have told H'val. How in the world did he have _any_ idea about that? And… how did it change his opinion of her? A girl who didn't even know how to read a map properly, _anyone_ who couldn't read a map properly wasn't much of a person. It was an indispensible skill, and yet…

"So, tell me what you know," the blonde man ordered, leading Elrenia over to the table by her arm. "That way I don't teach you things you already know about. It saves time."

Except what did one say when they really _were_ completely ignorant? How did she save herself the humiliation? "I… would really prefer not to do this right now," she murmured, rising from her seat carefully from the seat he put her in. Maybe the man had forgiven her for prying, but that didn't mean things were back to normal.

There was still a tension in Z'den's shoulders whenever she was around, like he didn't know whether he wanted to hit her or not. And while she trusted him to never hit her, especially not without good reason, the mere possibility that the thought was in his mind bothered her. For all she knew, she'd completely ruined _everything_ she could have ever had with the man. Like a friendship deeper than the skin, similar to the relationship she had with H'val.

So long as the man still talked to her, she thought she could live without him treating her like family. His presence in her life would be enough to tide her over, at least until she could come up with a way to fix it. _No, Elrenia. No. _Shaking her head, she tried to wipe the thought from her mind. His being unable to feel completely comfortable around her was a sort of punishment for putting her nose where it didn't belong, and she didn't want to make things worse by pressing the issue.

It was difficult to just let the thought go, so Elrenia straightened her clothing and bowed her head to the man, murmuring, "I'll… if we're done practicing I'll just—"

"Sit!"

Sit she did, straight back into her seat with wide eyes trained on the glaring blonde. Carefully he leaned forward, resting clenched fists on either arm of the chair, staring at her. Neither made a sound for a very long moment. Neither moved a muscle until Elrenia took a deep, shaky breath.

"I'm not allowing you to walk away," Z'den spoke lowly, voice specifically trained to sound as unintimidating as possible.

Except this is not the way it ultimately worked. His voice was the rumble of an angry dragon, fire deep in his throat, ready to burst. While a dragon would never purposefully score a person, maybe she was naught but thread then. Maybe it was his innate desire to destroy her as she leaned further into the chair, and he followed her back, refusing to let her escape.

"If I allow you to walk away now, every time you're bothered, or upset, or frightened, or embarrassed you'll try to retreat."

Fearful of the fire in the man's eye, Elrenia somehow couldn't stop herself from murmuring, "How does that have anything to do with you?"

"Excuse me?"

"How…" Somehow, the way the man finally leaned away from her was even _more_ frightening. As though her simple inquiry bothered him even more than her initial attempted retreat. "How does… whether or not I leave… it doesn't actually affect you?"

"How am I unaffected by the cowardice of one of my future Queen riders?"

Heat rose to her cheeks at the man's words, but Elrenia couldn't look away from his earnest expression. The confidence in his manner, so sure that she would be among the Queens one day when she still waffled between insecurity and anxiety. Of course, that wasn't a very fair assessment. There was more to it than that. Hope was in there somewhere, constantly hiding away under the fear of what was to come, and the pain of what had happened. Tentative confidence was beginning to butt its head at times, allowing her a shaky view into what her future _could_ be if only she could hold out long enough.

But frozen under the stare of a man with an established place at Benden Weyr—not even his _own_ Weyr, though she was almost willing to bet marks she didn't have that he was well respected there as well—she was sure. Only while trapped in his gaze did she know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there was a dragon meant for her somewhere on Pern. Just waiting. Waiting for her to finally be ready to ride.

With the nervous confidence came a burning shame as well, reddening her cheeks even further. What Weyr would want a Queen Rider that couldn't read a map? Who in the world could take seriously a rider that could only spot her own Hold on a map for the luck of knowing what the word "Benden" looked like?

"What are you thinking?"

"Nothing," she immediately avoided the question, turning away for fear of the man being able to read her thoughts until he grabbed her chin and made her look his way once more. His lips didn't move, but his eyes clearly repeated his question, poking and prodding her into sighing. "I… you're never going to be able to teach me to read the map."

"Challenge accepted."

"Z'den, you don't understand—"

"I don't care to, quite frankly." With one last long look the man pulled away from her, walking across the room to locate a map. It took a moment of shifting through a chest before he let out a triumphant noise and approached the table to lay it down flat. "Show me what you know."

Thus began what was, perhaps, the most embarrassing lesson of Elrenia's life. The distinct sensation of the man judging her shortcomings pulled painfully at her flesh, and she only vaguely pointed at the different sides of the map when he asked her to locate the Major Holds, the Weyrs, the Mountains. Nothing was left uncovered, though they never dwelt long on a single part. Clearly, she was being assessed. And clearer still, she failed the assessment when the man ran his hands through his hair and groaned.

"You don't even know North from South."

"I was never taught."

"North is the Mountains and Telgar. South is Southern. North West is High Reaches. South West—"

"North West? South West?" the girl murmured in confused amazement, running her hands through her own hair staring hard at the map. "How can something have two directions?"

"If something isn't Due North, it _has_ to have two directions. There… is more to it. But that's for much, much later. For now we'll be working with North, South, East, West. North West and East. South West and East."

"West East? North South?"

"They're completely opposite," the man spoke softly, without a hint of frustration in his voice. Carefully drawing a cross on the paper, he drew a much less fancy version of a marker that Elrenia noticed was already on the map. On it, he labeled the directions with simple, bold letters and pointed. "North and South are across from each other, so they can't be combined. Do you understand?"

"Yes." _No_. But the answer didn't actually matter.

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_**My gosh, are you as disgusted by the month long, unannounced hiatus as I am?**_

_**In my defense there were family difficulties, Thanksgiving break, and NaNoWriMo (I won, by the way). I hope this chapter makes up for it!**_


	36. Chapter 35

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 35**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Groaning, loudly, the brunette settled her forehead on the map before her. Z'den may have been among the smartest men she knew, and perhaps the most patient by far, but even _he_ couldn't stop her from being so very _unlearned_. She spoke well enough, a skill cultivated by her father when he was still alive. A person needed to know how to talk in order to live, but she was a woman. What use had a woman for skills like reading maps when they'd soon be married to a man?

Of course it was her future husband's job to care for her, so she had no need for such knowledge. She knew the songs to teach her nieces and nephews, her future children. There was a very vague understanding of how to play the flute from her grandmother, taught to her when she was just a small child, before the woman died of age, and the skill went unpracticed. Everything was left to her brother's, until suddenly she was left to care for the Hold with Renzal and she received a crash course in rudimentary accounting. Elrenia was, for all intents and purposes, completely useless.

But the hand that descended upon her shoulder and squeezed gently told her that hope was not lost. Maybe the situation _felt_ hopeless, but it wasn't. No. That was just her mind escaping to the dark place wherein it liked to stew. That was nonsense. If fire lizards could be taught to fetch items from other places, and carry letters, she could be taught to read a silly map!

"I think that's enough for today," the man murmured, carefully massaging the shoulder under his hand. "You've made progress."

"I did not," she mumbled into the map, refusing to so much as turn her head and look at him. Pouting was not attractive, and certainly not something that she often did, but on this occasion it felt appropriate.

And hard to avoid when a heavy chuckle filtered from above her. It was only natural that Z'den was highly amused by her failure, but even if she smiled a little at the sound of his laugh, she sighed in self loathing.

"It shouldn't be possible for a girl to be so useless."

Shooting up as a sharp pain flashed from the lobe of her ear to the tips of her toes, Elrenia turned sharply to look at the man, hand still position to flick her. Answering her outraged look with a glare of his own, the blonde murmured, "I won't have you talking like that anymore."

"But it's true."

"What's true?"

"I'm…" Why did she have to have this conversation? Why did Z'den have to make her say it? Why was she unable to fight him on this? She wasn't so weak, was she? His word was not law to her! It never had been, and it wasn't going to be now. But as he continued to look closely at her, the truth spilled from her lips fervently. "By the Egg, I'm _useless_."

Once more, the man reached out and sharply flicked her ear, not so much as grinning at her yelp though his eyes sparkled. "Bitran odds I have more flicks in my fingers than you've got self deprecating thoughts in your head."

Ignoring the poorly veiled threat of more ear flicks, Elrenia muttered, "That hurt, Z'den!" through clenched teeth.

"And it'll keep hurting for a good long time if you don't start listening to me," the man warned, staring straight into Elrenia's eyes as he lowered himself to kneel before her. The way he moved, trapping her eyes with his own, was almost captivating. About as much as it was confusing. Why was he lowering himself to her? Why in the world was he putting himself on the same level? When he was finally exactly at eye level with the girl, the man reached out to grab her hands and asked, "How have you not figured this out yet? You're about as far from useless as a person can be, Elrenia. I promise you that."

"What, because I watch the children?" she snorted, pulling her hands from his grip as she crossed her arms indolently. "Bribe any of the Weyrlings properly and they'll do a much better job than I ever could. At least _they_ could engage the kids in a proper conversation about dragons. I only know what I've gleaned from you, and Mirah, and H'val."

"And your lessons," Z'den reminded her, stroking the top of her head carefully. "Or have you forgotten that you're the best student among your current candidacy?"

"I'm not. Sarafina is."

"Not according to T'mar."

"T'mar's spoken to you of me?"

"Of course," the man said with a shrug, apparently unconcerned to have been found gossiping about the woman. "We're both your teachers. We discuss our students."

Not entirely sure what to say to this, Elrenia uncrossed her arms and sighed. They were just discussing a student? Somehow that didn't seem quite as likely as them discussing _her_. Elrenia. The girl Koth and H'val picked up off of the leading edge. The girl from the destroyed Cothold. The girl that somehow forged a place in the Weyr—something that even _she_ couldn't deny, even with bouts of insecurity.

"And what do you say?"

Green eyes widened out of their usual slits just momentarily, giving away Z'den discomfort about the subject. For a moment it seemed like he was frozen by her question, but he moved back and away suddenly, prompting the girl to reach out and grab his arms.

"Tell me."

"Nothing. Elrenia we—"

"Tell me what you talk about."

"I'd rather not."

"If you run away from things every time you're bothered, or embarrassed, or upset then you'll do nothing but retreat."

Lips, pulled thin, curled slightly at the corner as Z'den stopped resisting her grip, shaking his head. "I'm not retreating from your question so much as trying to… protect you from the answer."

Gut twisting violently at this, Elrenia forced herself to shake her head. "I can handle it." Almost as an afterthought she murmured, "Stop trying to protect me."

Examining her face for a very long moment, Z'den leaned his arms against her knees and peered up into Elrenia's eyes. "We… sometimes… Oh the moment for my father's words to leave me is _not_ now."

"Just say it."

'"We…"

"Z'den!" Almost scolding, she absently brushed a clump of hair out of his eyes. "Stop trying to be so gentle. I'm not going to shatter."

So, in a rush he admitted, "We discuss the circumstances you escaped from."

Regretting, very suddenly, the decision to ask the question that she had, Elrenia just stared. What was there to discuss? They knew her Hold was destroyed. They knew a neighbor destroyed it, and he killed her family. They knew this hurt her, deeply. And, moreover, it was common knowledge that she was seeking justice.

"Oh?" is what finally escaped her shock parted lips. "And… why in the world would you discuss _that_?"

"Because there's more to it than just that."

Heart jumping immediately to her throat, Elrenia didn't know what to do. Escape was at the forefront of her mind, but no. No, that wouldn't work. She… she couldn't. She… Z'den was right. If she ran way every single time something upset her, then she'd spend her life retreating. There was no place safer for her than in the presence of this man, except maybe behind a righteously angry Lessa. She _trusted_ Z'den. She… this was a conversation that she needed to have then.

Before she could respond to his comment though, he was speaking again, "There's something missing and… we've been trying to figure it out."

"What is missing?"

"Motive."

"Z'den?"

"Why did he do it?" the man asked, removing his arms from her knees to move and sit in a chair of his own. "You keep saying he didn't do it for your land, because it was mostly barren from an infestation, right?"

"Yes."

"So then why? You can't have had much money."

"I… didn't."

"Was he an especially cruel man?"

"I… I… well…"

"And he killed your entire family as well. A man does not do something like this on a whim. He planned it out, and… _why_?"

Voice little more than a breath, Elrenia said, "I… don't know."

The look in Z'den's suddenly narrowed eyes told her quite clearly that he didn't believe her, but he didn't speak a word of it. Not directly. Instead he gazed past her head, and absently asked, "Why would he do something so… premeditated?"

A hole in her story that Elrenia never really noticed before. She'd never bothered… because if she _did _try to explain then… they… she couldn't… Turning to the side, the girl was only able to gaze off for a moment before her chin was taken between Z'den's fingers. Almost tenderly he turned he to face him again, not saying a word as he watched her eyes.

The eyes, she'd once been told, could reveal a person's deepest secrets if watched closely enough. They were windows deep into the mind, into a person's very being, and maybe it was this that made her avert her eyes even if she couldn't move her head. She didn't need Z'den knowing exactly what was in her mind, tainting, festering, devouring. He didn't need to know, no matter how much he seemed to long for the knowledge.

"Elrenia?"

"Can I go, please?"

"Not until you look at me."

An impossible request, and the man knew it. Though she tried to lift her eyes to him, the girl simply couldn't make eye contact. Fearful that the moment their gaze's met he would _know_, the girl settled on staring somewhere between his eyes and chin, not quite on his nose but thereabout. His skin looked as rough as his voice sounded, wind worn and tired. This was a man who had lived a good many long nights, and would likely live a good many more. A man of strength. A man of rough kindness. A good man, if ever there had been one. But she couldn't meet his eyes.

Another moment past with the man staring at her before he nodded his head. "Go, child," he murmured. "I don't have any reason to keep you."

It almost felt as though she'd cheated, but she rose from the seat and escaped the room without another word. Needing to breathe, she climbed the corridors higher, trying to find an empty ledge where no one would find her so she could think. There were so many things to think about.

Who else pondered her situation? Was it just Z'den and T'mar, worried about a girl they were training? Was it H'val and Mirah whispering behind her back without meaning insult? Was it the Weyrleader and his woman, wondering what the girl they'd taken in wasn't telling her? Robinton, Masterharper of Pern, did he ponder these things too?

It bothered her to think that her situation was at the front of people's minds. Important enough to garner _gossip,_ no less. Never had she intended to make a spectacle of herself. But when one wakes up screaming in the middle of the night it stops being an option.

Had her behavior been so questionable, since arriving? She'd been sick for so long when she first arrived, feet bloodied from her travels, bruises fresh and painful. Gossip was only natural then, as there were reasons to be worried. When Rilow showed up with bad news and her story became public, it was only natural. But now? What was the reason?

Hearing movement, Elrenia paused in her upward trek. Quieting her mind enough to listen, she was almost startled to hear the painful, hitching sound of someone sobbing. A girl. Not a particularly old one if the pitch meant anything, but still too old to be one of her kids. A woman was crying out on the nearby ledge, and she could do nothing to stop herself from investigating.

Moving silently toward the noise, trying her best to see whom it was so that she could decide who was best to handle things, she only saw a curled form. Slight arms were wrapped over her head, fingers digging into waves of hair that seemed so familiar. Legs curled tightly beside her only helped to make the girl look even smaller, trembling like a frightened child as she tried to keep her sorrow to herself.

Taking a step to the side, to try to see the woman's profile, Elrenia felt her breath catch in her throat when finally her mind made a connection. The thin arms, and long luscious waves of silky hair. The elegant legs. The careful posture. An apparent disposition entirely different from the one she was used to. Surely she was mistaken. This wasn't crying. This girl—this _woman_ was not upset and hiding. There was simply no possible way!

Oh, how she wanted to ignore the girl. In fact, she almost walked away. But there was just the slightest sniffle, and she knew, just _knew_ that Farraline was crying. Really, it shouldn't have bothered her. The girl was a horrid little _brat_. She didn't care about _anyone_ but herself, and that much was clear! But… the girl didn't even know that Elrenia was there, and she was burrowing her face deeper into the folds of her skirt, mewling pitifully.

Taking another silent step forward, the brunette breathed, "Farraline?"

Immediately the girl shot to her feet, wiping her eyes and turning to poke her nose up at Elrenia all as she muttered, "What do _you_ want?" in her foulest tone. But it couldn't hide the rasp of the heavy sobbing that Elrenia had stumbled upon.

How exactly was she meant to react to an enemy of sorts sobbing like a small child? Part of her wanted to gloat, wanted to hold the weakness high above Farraline's head, but that was hardly fair. _She _broke down in tears far more often than she cared to admit, but unlike the poor Holderbrat, people _cared_ when _she_ was upset. The dark haired girl didn't, and when she rolled her eyes and turned toward the sun, it was like she was wearing a bloody crown.

"You're a redhead," Elrenia murmured for lack of anything better to say, moving to stand right beside the startled girl.

"I… am. Why do _you_ care?"

"It's… a very pretty color."

"It… it's what?" Looking over at the brunette, Farraline looked thoroughly shocked.

But Elrenia didn't so much as acknowledge the look, staring off at the sky. "Like the color of the sun _right_ as it sinks below the horizon on a stormy night." She didn't mock the shock, didn't care that the girl _was_ shocked. She hadn't expected to have this conversation when she went to investigate the crying either.

"Do you… think I'm pretty?" the girl asked, trying to force her normal regal haughtiness into her tone, but couldn't.

"Very." There was no point in lying. Farraline was a beautiful young woman, that's just how it was. The sound the girls foot scraping against the stone floor made Elrenia glance toward her, wary of another physical attack. But Farraline had merely moved to face Elrenia just a little more.

"R-really? You think I'm pretty?"

"What I think doesn't matter to you," Elrenia spoke not unkindly, just pointing out a fact. "Why are you asking?"

"I…" The girls pale face flushed deeply as she looked back across the skyline, away from Elrenia's seeking eyes. "No one calls me pretty here."

"No one _ever_ calls me pretty anywhere."

"H'val calls you pretty," Farraline almost snapped a moment later, eyes suddenly filled with tears again. Elrenia wasn't sure what to do when the girl turned to face her fully and said, "And so does Mirah. And Brekke. And Manora. And Red and Plamer and all of the rest of those silly little boys. And F'nor. And Z'den—"

"Z'den thinks I'm pretty?"

"—and just about everyone! They _all_ call you pretty, and _no one_ even _looks_ at me!" The girl was crying now, hands shaking at her sides as she shouted. "Everyone likes you, and they all hate me, and I…"

Something about the girl's trembling forced Elrenia to ask, "You what?"

Expecting something silly, something frivolous that she would have to force herself not to laugh at, Elrenia was astonished to hear the girl wail, "I want my father!"

Of all the things the pompous little Holdebrat could have asked for, her pompous little Holder father was _not_ what Elrenia expected to hear. And as the girl buried her face in her hands to cry some more, Elrenia could almost feel bad for her. No. She _did_ feel bad for the girl, and wrapped a cautious arm around her shoulder, leading her to sit on the ledge.

Several moments were spent just attempting to calm Farraline down. For the first time she resembled an actual human being to Elrenia, as she wiped snot and other unmentionable fluids on her sleeves, ashamed to be doing so. Her eyes were red with the force of her homesickness, and the brunette wasn't sure what to do.

"You'll see him soon," she promised. "He's coming up for the Hatching, right? That's in less than a month, now!"

"He's not!"

Shocked, she just stared for a moment. Then, "What?"

"He's not coming."

"Why not?"

"He… we… I… how? How can he come up here? He can't spare the runners, and… he's not _coming_."

"What do you mean he can't spare the runners?"

"We need them for the fields. He can't just take one to come up to _Benden_. Do you know how long that would take? How far behind on harvest that would put him? We're not even done with harvest yet because _I_ got searched! And… and… and—"

"Slow down, sweetling," Elrenia urged, squeezing the girl's arm gently. She didn't understand what she was being told. Farraline came from a large Hold. Her father should have been able to afford to hire _people_ to carry him up to Benden if he wanted to! A runner shouldn't have been a problem. "I don't understand."

"Usually I handle the numbers, because he's never been very good at keeping stock of what we have, but I'm not there to do it. It goes so much more slowly when he has to do it himself."

"Doesn't he… you're good at math?"

"Of course!" _that_ was Farraline honestly insulted. "What do you take me for? A dimglow?"

"No, I—"

"Who can't do math? They teach you the basic stuff along with the songs. Didn't you learn?"

"No."

Pausing, Farraline actually _looked_ at Elrenia. "What?"

"We… never had Harpers. Just what my mother could teach us. We… were never formally taught _anything_."

"I…"

Trying desperately to take the attention off of herself, Elrenia asked suddenly, "So, why can't your dad come?"

"We don't have the _means_ to bring him up here. Let alone my sisters, and my father's wife."

"One of the rider's will pick them up—"

"They all _hate_ me!"

"And whose fault is that?" Sighing at the way Farraline flinched at the accusation, Elrenia pinched her own arm. "That was cruel. I'm… sorry. But… you can't exactly tell me you've been the picture of innocence since you arrived."

"I… know."

"So… you don't come from a big Hold?"

"I never actually said I did."

"What?"

"I…" The girl sighed and slumped forward slightly, biting her lip. "My father's wife told me I could reinvent myself when I came here. People will decide things for themselves depending on how you hold yourself. So I… held myself like I was important."

"Oh, Farraline…"

"I just wanted people to treat me well, you know? You always here about silly little Holder girls coming to the Weyr and finding themselves in the caverns, doing drudge work and… I… I want something better. Father always said that even if I couldn't make anything of myself I could marry well because I'm so beautiful. And then the Dragonmen came and searched me and I… Lessa was a Ruathan _Goddess_, and… and… The dragons don't want _commoners_!"

"Mirah was a commoner."

"No she wasn't."

"Yes she was, she grew up in the Hold her father worked in, sharing a room with a friend of hers."

"I… that doesn't prove—"

"Brekke was a commoner too."

"What?"

"Craftborn, I think."

"But she doesn't have a dragon!"

"Her name was Wirenth. She died during her first flight."

"Oh my… I…"

"I know. Now hush. Someone will go pick up your family."

"But they _won't_."

"H'val will."

"He _hates_ me."

"I'll ask him to, personally."

"But isn't he picking up _your_ family?"

Cringing just slightly at the question, Elrenia thought she may have understood exactly how Z'den felt when she asked about his parents. So, bluntly, she admitted, "They're all dead. You don't have to apologize for it. I'd prefer not to talk about it right now."

The redhead stared at her then. Just stared. Didn't say a word, didn't move a muscle. That is until she leaned into Elrenia's side. "I'm sorry…"

"I told you not to—"

"For… me. For… I'm… I… don't even _deserve_ a Queen."

"No, you don't." Farraline flinched. "But you're a little bit closer now than you were yesterday."

Silence surrounded the girls then, but neither seemed to mind. They sat there, content to contemplate their individual situations. Elrenia wasn't entirely sure how she felt about everything she just heard. It… wasn't what she expected, at all. Farraline's bad attitude was just her constantly adapting to the way that people perceived her? She supposed it was a sort of talent, even if it was ill used in this case. It was interesting, if it was nothing else. The problem was whether or not they could fix all the damage that had been done.

Part of her didn't think that they could. For so long Farraline had been treating everyone like subordinates, like drudges. She'd hurled horrible insults, and fought, and broken spirits. There was no way the blame for this could be shifted, but… maybe it wasn't irreparable. The first step was learning the truth, and she _knew_ it.

"Dinner will be served soon," she warned the redhead.

"I know."

"Shall we…"

"You don't mind walking with me?"

"Of course not. Come on, my weyr is close, you can wash up there."

"Thank you."

It was a relatively quick walk to her chambers, and Farraline looked thoroughly pleased to clean herself up. She took her time, calling out to apologize when Elrenia asked jokingly if she'd gotten herself lost. The girl's voice was much softer than usual. An unusually airy quality to it, that Elrenia wasn't sure how to react to.

This wasn't how she'd expected an intrusive conversation with Farraline to end. Still there was no love lost on this girl, but somehow she didn't seem to bad anymore. Misguided and foolish. A deadglow if ever there was one, for setting herself up for disaster the way she had. But when she exited the bathing chamber, and smiled weakly at the brunette waiting on her, there was a flicker of sympathy for her deep within the Cotholder's heart.

"Come now," Elrenia urged, waving Farraline to follow her from the weyr. "I'm absolutely starved. I skipped lunch."

"Me too."

The silence that descended was almost companionable, as Elrenia ignored the looks they were getting from the Weyrfolk they past. The confused whispers that followed them on their way to eat. There was nothing left to say, although a sort of understanding had been reached. And they stopped, in unison, in the empty hallway just outside of the dining hall.

"Elrenia?" the girl murmured, voice barely audible above the noise coming from the room before them. "Can you not… you know… what I said…"

"Your secret is safe with me."

"Thank you."

"But Farraline?"

"Yes?"

"It's never too late to make friends."

And Elrenia couldn't help but notice, at the far table in the corner of the hall where Farraline usually sat with her lackeys, the redhead actually smiled and _asked_ Estra and Navine to sit with her. Maybe it wasn't much, but it was a start.


	37. Chapter 36

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 36**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Long hours over the course of many days were spent studying maps. With her self defensive skills greatly improved, Z'den made the executive decision to trade off most of those lessons in favor of teaching her other skills. Land maps transformed slowly into sea charts as she got the hang of things. Sea charts transformed into star charts. Each new change was met with much defiance from Elrenia. It wasn't that she didn't want to learn near so much as she was afraid of disappointing the man. But he maintained that everyone needed to start somewhere, and tried to guide her as gently, and patiently as possible.

Nevertheless, the young woman ended every day bone tired. The weariness usually made for decent sleeping, but somehow this night was different. There'd been an odd sort of electricity in the air the entire day, and everyone seemed to be expecting something. At first she assumed it was the Hatching, but it was still too early. The feeling remained a mystery even as she settled into bed that night, wondering.

Waking up to a voice pushing firmly into her mind, ordering her, _Sta_y, was not exactly the way the young woman expected to start her morning_. _But when Koth insisted,_ Small one, do not move,_ Elrenia listened. The blue had been looking out for her from the very beginning, and it was the least she could do to trust his judgment. Lying perfectly still in her bed, Elrenia only stirred slightly at the sound of a dragon landing on her ledge. Likely Koth, but even then she didn't move.

But after a short eternity spent in silence, the tension was too much and the brunette couldn't help asking, "Koth?" She knew the beast could hear her, though he voice was a whisper. "What in the world is going on? Why are you here? Why can't I move?"

_You do not need to be afraid_.

"Afraid?" she asked, wishing not for the first time that the winged creature would stop being so cryptic. "Afraid of what?"

_Anath has risen._

The way the woman's heart skipped a beat was testament to the wisdom of dragons. The blue knew, absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt _knew_ that the notion of a mating flight, _any_ mating flight, let alone a volatile green's would terrify her. What's more, his presence on her ledge meant he was choosing not to participate in the flight, although he was old enough to, and perhaps even clever enough to win.

It was a touching notion, and the girl was rising from her bed, grabbing one of the heavy wherhide jackets H'val had given her to fend off the cold as she padded out to Koth. His eyes were rolling with shades she'd never seen before, excited, and lustful, and anxious to take to the sky.

Reaching out to rub the beasts eye ridge, she murmured, "You can go, you know. If you'd like. I'll—"

_No._

"Koth, I can see that you want—"

_I will stay here with you. _One softly glowing eye seemed to stare straight into her soul, as the boy wrapped his tail around her feet, as he was prone to do. _There will be other flights. But this time, you need me._

The beat her heart skipped this time had nothing at all to do with fear. "How can I ever Impress?" she asked softly, reaching out the caress the blue's snout. "There can never be a dragon more amazing then you. Where in all of Pern is there a dragon that will understand me better?"

_She will come_, he promised, letting out a large puff of air before resting his head on his front legs. _I will guard you, if you want to sleep._

Right as he spoke, early morning light reflected magnificently off of Anath's emerald hide, catching Elrenia's complete and total attention. What the flight represented may have bothered her, but the flight itself was beautiful. In that moment, the little green was a Queen, among the ranks of Ramoth herself. Wondering if the creatures ever felt jealous of those ranked higher than them, Elrenia thought that maybe the more frequent flights could be contributed to this.

While dragons of all colors were respected, there was no question that the Queens were revered over all others. And maybe, just maybe, the greens flew _just_ so that they could feel special among their peers for a moment. A feeling that Elrenia knew all too well. Doing special things so as to stand out above her sisters. Trying to be strong to stand out above her brothers.

"Do you ever feel inadequate?" Elrenia asked, moving to sit down against Koth's side.

Shifting so that he could rest his head against the woman's legs, Koth responded simply, _Inadequate?_

"Do you ever feel… like… do you think that… Arlith, for example, is better than you?"

_He is much better in flight_.

"But… as a dragon, is Arlith better than you?"

_Do you think that he is?_

"Of course not."

_Then what have I to worry about?_

The creature, without fail, warmed Elrenia's heart. He had faith in her like she'd never experienced, and scratched his eye ridge with a great deal of love. Scanning the skies, and the dragons zipping about it, the brunette smiled when she spotted Arlith. It seemed so unlikely that she'd be able to pick him out in flight, but the pattern with which he pumped his wings was so unique to him.

Before living in the Weyr she just thought that flying was flying. A dragon would flap its wings and take to the air, but it was so much more than that. The first difference was that there was no _flapping_ involved. Dragons did not _flap_. It was far too inelegant to describe what the beautiful beasts did. Unless they were still babies, in which case yes, yes it was flapping.

But the older the dragons got, the more graceful their movements seemed to be. Like the green, soaring effortlessly through the sky, escaping her pursuers. She teased them rather obviously, flaunting her glimmering hide as she twisted and turned. Letting out a cry as a brown tried to sneak up on her from below.

Evading him easily, the beautiful girl clamped her wings to her sides and plummeted, a dangerous act that had Elrenia holding her breath. For a moment she feared that the first flight she ever got to witness would also be the first dragon she had to mourn. But suddenly a daring blue came up beneath Anath. Wrapping himself around her. Falling with her. Opening their wings in the same instance, the two took to the air once more, and the mating flight was won.

"That could have been you, Koth."

_I am not the one she wanted_.

Almost startled by this calm proclamation, the young woman looked at the blue at her back and murmured, "So dragons _do_ have preferences?" Refusing to answer, Koth closed his eyes and wrapped his tail more tightly around Elrenia's legs, leaving her to think. It seemed she did her best thinking when in the presence of the tranquil blue.

It made perfect sense, as she rested her head back, staring out across the sky. The tail around her legs kept them, and her feet amply warm, though she could see her breath fogging in the cool morning air. Sprinklings of snow happened every once in the while, in the coldest parts of night, but they would surely be arriving in their fullest force soon. Just _thinking_ about the beautiful little dragonets playing in the snow made her smile, because surely the creatures would. They played every chance they got between meals and sleep. What lessons the older ones went to were pretty much games for them as well.

When she got one of her own, it would be a tiring experience. Even now, with the little beasts out of the phase where all they did was eat and sleep, their Weyrlings were so exhausted by the end of the day. _Is she mine?_ Elrenia wondered, staring out at the sun beyond the clouds. _Is the queen on the sands mine? _Everyone kept telling her she would Impress, but no one said _when_ she would. It was almost ominous.

_Do not worry, small one_.

"Listening to me?"

_Always_.

And it was no wonder that the beast made her feel so very safe. Even when he was quiet, and kept his thoughts to himself, Koth was listening to her. He would always be looking out for her. Like when, as the cold was beginning to sink through her jacket, and her cheeks were tingling red, Koth unwrapped his tail and insisted, _Go have breakfast_.

An order that Elrenia couldn't argue with, as hre stomach rumbled. The whole way down from her ledge, the smell of breads and porridge tantalized her. Teased her until she arrived to find Jaione pouring her a bowl with a cup of klah already.

"Have I ever mentioned that I love you?" she murmured, wrapping frozen fingers around the warm cup with a sigh. "It smells delicious today. Is there a special occasion?"

"Maybe you're just really hungry," Red offered, making a face at his porridge until Elrenia pinched his cheek.

"Be grateful you have any food at all."

"Yes mother."

"So how are you boys?" she asked, helping Jaione to gather a little banquet for them to eat simply because she could.

"Pretty good," Red answered with an apathetic shrug. "I've been worse."

"What's wrong?"

"Farraline's been acting weird."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. She…" The boy trailed off with a shrug, shoving a wad of bread into his mouth in an attempt to cover up how uncomfortable he was.

Elrenia wouldn't just let the situation go, though. She'd thought the talk she had with Farraline helped. There hadn't been a complete turn around, but she hadn't expected there to be. That would have been unfair to the young woman. But the girl _had_ been improving. "What did she do?"

"She…"

"_Red_," she sighed. "Just tell me. Maybe I can talk to her, and make her shape up—"

"Shape up?" the boy asked, staring at the brunette in confusion. "No. No. She… she thanked me."

"Thanked you?"

"I don't understand," Palmer muttered under his breath, pushing food around on his plate, gaining the attention of the young women.

"Palmer?" Elrenia asked curiously, sitting down between him and Red. "What don't you understand? Was Farraline odd with you too?"

"No,"Red offered easily, even as Palmer huffed in frustration. "Sailing. He's been obsessed for days now."

"How can they travel at night?" he asked. "They have no dragons, no markers, how do they knew where they're going?"

"It's the stars," Elrenia murmured quietly, gently as she took a sip of klah. "You see, the stars act as a sort of marker for them. Because they're never quite in the same place two days in a row, but they move in a sort of… pattern."

"But they all look the same."

"No, Palmer," Elrenia corrected gently. "They don't look the same at all. Look up at the sky one night, really look. The stars paint pictures. Clusters of them, always together as they travel. If you know what you're looking at, and I guarantee you any sailor worth his marks does, the stars can lead you home. Or wherever you're going, of course."

Pulse quickening to realize that she understood the things that Z'den had been trying to teach her, Elrenia finished her meal as quickly as she could. An infectious smile spread across her face when she thought of how proud the man would be. It was easy to know an answer when a teacher was giving prompts, but a totally unprovoked explanation, one that made at least a moderate amount of sense… She needed to go tell him.

Excusing herself from the table first chance she got, Elrenia escaped from the room and took excitedly to the stairs. Maybe they could move to the next topic soon, now that she was getting it. But what came after the stars? More about their patterns? Oh! Maybe Z'den could teach her how to track them! The thought of being able to look up at the sky and see more than just twinkling lights was so very attractive to her!

"Z'den! I—"

The last thing she expected, as she tore into the brown rider's weyr, was for a woman to look up groggily from the bed. Her hair was the darkest shade of black Elrenia had ever seen, her half lidded eyes the brightest blue. She could have been one of her older sisters, had all of them not been dead, and the contrast had the girl's heart in her throat long before she realized the situation she'd just walked in on.

After taking in the soft, rosy glow of the sheet covered woman's face, her eyes shifted lower, revealing the man laying beneath her. His bare chest acted as a pillow for his bedmate until she lifted her head to gaze over at the shocked brunette. Raising one pale, delicate hand to push hair out of her face had the blanket covering the mysterious woman's chest was sliding to the side to reveal one plump breast that had Elrenia red faced in an instant.

Turning away, the horrified girl babbled a series of apologies that carried her to the door. Rushing out of the weyr and down the nearest corridor, Elrenia found that she was shaking so badly by the time she got to the lower caverns that she could not physically stand in one place. Mirah looked up from where she was laughing with Lessa over a cup of klah, took one look at her friend, and forgot what she was doing.

The little blonde was quick on her feet, moving forward to grab both of Elrenia's hands in hopes of calming her that way. It was immediately obvious, however, that this wouldn't do. So Mirah led the girl from the kitchen to one of the side rooms, kicking all of the weyrlings out with a cold stare so they could have privacy. The boys left without a second glance, too young to care much for girl talk, and too old to be dumb enough to risk testing such a firm expression.

"Elrenia, dear, what happened?"

"Z-z-z—"

"Z'den?"

"A woman…" It came off on a soft sound as the girl convulsed, moving to the side to avoid the gold rider's legs when she vomited what breakfast she'd managed to shove into her excited stomach not so long ago. It was both amazing and horrifying to see how pleasure and happiness could turn to horror in an instant.

The violent reaction was all the explanation Mirah needed to gather the older girl into her arms the moment she was done being sick and stroke her hair soothingly. "It's okay, love," she promised. "It's okay. Everything is all right."

"But it's not!"

"Why isn't it?" the blonde asked softly, trying to get the long awaited story out of the troubled girl without prying too much. "Why is it not okay?"

"He shouldn't do that."

"Do what?"

"_That!_" the girl wailed, digging her face into Mirah's shoulder when she heard footsteps carry someone into the room.

"Go," Mirah ordered softly. "I have it. Go. Leave." Then, after a few moments silence, "What's wrong with doing 'that'?"

"Men shouldn't do that to women!" the hysterical brunette insisted. "I… I thought dragonmen were better than that!"

"Well, they're men," Mirah offered, grasping at withies as to what all was going on in the brunette's head. "All men do that."

The sudden, frantic sobbing of the woman in her arms made the gold rider hold her even tighter, looking up at the wide eyed Weyrwoman in the doorway for assistance. Elrenia flinched when Lessa touched her shoulder, fearing who it was until she saw the little dark haired woman sitting on the other end of the bench. The moment was reminiscent of her stay at Kelby's Hold, when Gralla and Grela had tried to heal and comfort her. This was different though. She'd been getting better, much better. It had been a long while since she'd panicked unnecessarily! _Why so suddenly?_

Hand in her Weyrwoman's, Elrenia found herself pulled gently to her feet and pulled from the room, led carefully through the Weyr, all the way up to Lessa's personal chambers, crying all the way. F'lar, sitting at the table looking over some sort of document, was quick to vacate the room after a stern look from his woman, muttering good days to all before seeming to blink _between _like a frightened fire lizard. She didn't know the man to be afraid of anything, even his volatile love, but was pleased for the privacy as Lessa pulled her right to the edge of her bed. Mirah settled down right at her side, to stroke her arms comfortingly as the small woman spoke.

"Dear, hush now," Lessa spoke in an uncharacteristically tender voice. Elrenia was so used to hearing her scold and argue, not… she was never around when the woman was doing anything else, with the exception of dinner, but they didn't sit at the same table! And whenever she was called up to have one of those serious talks about her situation, there was always an uncomfortable tension running through the little woman's body. This… she'd never seen Lessa like _this _before. "Tell me."

"I _can't_!"

"Why can't you?"

"He'll hurt you!"

She saw Lessa stiffen through her tear blurred eyes, and was sure she was about to be sent from the Weyr. The one place she'd managed to feel safe, and they were going to send her away for being dangerous. There'd been so much worry about that day, but she'd hoped it would never come. She'd wanted, more than anything else, to be wrong about these people. She wanted the Weyrfolk to be genuinely good, and kind. They'd seemed to be! But… but she was wrong.

"Do you think," Lessa said firmly, strongly, but not unkindly, "that _any_ man could hurt the rider of Gold Ramoth?"

This caught Elrenia's attention, the logic being as infallible as it was. She'd seen Ramoth up close and personal on several occasions, and was sure there wasn't a single creature in all of Pern that rivaled the magnificent gold's size. With the queen at her side, Lessa could never come to any harm. And, perhaps even, the beautiful queen would deign to protect _her_ as well. With the protection of a blue, a small queen, and Ramoth _surely_ there was nothing he could do to hurt her!

The realization that she could be safe at last hit so suddenly that with a shuddering sob the girl moved from Mirah to wrap her arms around the Weyrwoman, who kindly obliged her. The hand stroking her hair down her back was soothing, even as the voice at her ear begged for a story she didn't ever want to tell. "You need to tell me, Elrenia," Lessa spoke softly. "If you don't tell me, Ramoth won't know what to keep an eye out for, and then _no one_ can be helped."

It was with a shuddering breath that Elrenia told her sordid tale, all the while hoping that the woman wouldn't think badly of her for it. Eye contact wasn't made, not even in passing glances as the girl spoke, eyes firmly pinned on her hands. Long fingers wrapped and writhed in the folds of her tunic. Fire seemed to explode, traveling along her skin as she spoke, brushed away only when Lessa reached out and gripped her hands, pulling them from the cloth.

"By the egg," the Weyrwoman murmured, reaching out to pull the trembling girl into her arms again. "Elrenia, why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

"I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because I couldn't!" How was she supposed to explain that every time the words tried to bubble up her throat she choked? More than once she'd wanted to blurt it out, but it was… it was better not to. "I should go, shouldn't I?" she asked, prepared to be thrown out. Coughing to clear the sobbing from her throat, she nodded her head and muttered as strongly as she could, "I should. I… I'll… I shouldn't be here…"

"Elrenia…"

"I'll find somewhere," she promised trying not to sound weak, and failing spectacularly. "Maybe I can find my brother? Maybe H'val can drop me off in Fort. I don't…"

"Elrenia."

"I should get going."

Trying to get to her feet, the brunette was restrained by the firm hands of her Weyrwoman, face softened by the most concerned expression she'd ever seen the woman wear. "Elrenia, stop," the woman murmured. "Stop, and listen to me." Hesitant grey eyes lifted to the older woman's, and her hands were squeezed comfortingly. "You are not going anywhere. Not yet. You still have a Hatching to attend, and Robinton knows how to find you here. When we go to meet Lord Holder Raid—"

"We?"

Smilingly knowingly, the woman asked, "Did you think I would make you go alone, Elrenia?"

Yes, actually, she had. But this new knowledge made her smile slightly through her tears. Murmuring a quiet, "Thank you."

Nodding to acknowledge the thanks, Lessa continued, "When we go to meet Lord Holder Raid, you're going to have to tell him this." Exactly what the girl was afraid of, but she nodded anyway. "We will find a way to fix this. Now…" Sighing heavily, the woman asked, "What brought this on today?"

Suddenly Elrenia remembered the woman. The poor, poor woman trapped in Z'den's bed and her eyes started to water once more. "I-I—" If nothing else, she'd felt protected from _that_ in the Weyr! Now… did Koth have to protect her every time there was a mating flight? Would she always be at risk of such violation? "Z'den… he… I went to his Weyr to talk to him…"

Eyes widening seconds before they narrowed, Lessa demanded, "Did he touch you?"

"No!" The denial shot out almost in defense of the man, before she remembered and explained, "A-another woman…"

"Mirah."

"Weyrwoman."

"Go find this woman. I want to speak to her. Now."

"Yes, Weyrwoman."

Mirah, who had been distant and nervous during the entire story, left without another word. Elrenia didn't blame her. No one should be forced to sit through such a retelling, especially one so hysterical, and not be allowed to escape. With the way the brunette wept a person would have thought it had just happened. _Weakling_. She tried to quiet the voice in her mind, of course, but it couldn't be stopped now. It demanded to be heard as it taunted her. _I should be over it by now!_ Because dwelling was so silly, so childish.

Childish like the way she leaned into Lessa's hands when the woman touched her, craving whatever kind of contact she could get. And the Weyrwoman, who for all Elrenia could tell kept her distance from most people, never released her hands. Thumb continuously caressing Elrenia palm, the woman was very quiet. Lost in what were undoubtedly horrible thoughts.

Elrenia certainly hadn't expected Z'den to be able to do such a thing, and it was likely Lessa… How long had the two known each other? There was a definite familiarity between them. An odd sort of friendship that allowed for rabid insult and argument without hurt feelings. How did the woman feel to know that one of her men was capable of such a thing?

Likely horrid. Disgusted. Possibly as bad as Elrenia felt. If _she'd_ known, she would have done everything in her power to protect the girls. Lessa would have… done so much more. Was _capable_ of doing so much more.

"Lessa, I…"

"Hush, dear. I understand."

"But you don't."

"I don't what?"

"Understand."

"I don't understand the cruelty of man?" the woman would have scoffed, if she didn't sound so… sad. "I understand, Elrenia. You're not the first woman I've seen torn apart by…" Rage, overcoming the sadness, had Lessa snarling at the air. "I can't believe this."

Without announcing her return, Mirah entered the weyr with a woman, the same one Elrenia had seen in Z'den's chambers, and she could only stare in horror. A woman shouldn't have had to walk after being attacked! And the brunette was about to scold Mirah for taking such actions until the woman looked about curiously and asked. "What's going on here now? With all due respect, I was kind of in the middle—"

"Did Z'den touch you?" Lessa asked as emotionlessly as possible, eyes narrowing to vicious lines when the woman nodded her head. "He'll be dealt with."

"Dealt with?" the woman asked in confusion, looking back at Mirah for guidance. But the blonde didn't offer any, just crossed her arms and stared. Eventually, looking from one angry woman to the other, confused eyes settled on the still crying maiden in the Weyrwoman's arms, and the girl seemed to come to a sort of conclusion. "What d'you think he did, child?"

"H-h-he… men shouldn't do that!"

"Men have just as much right to it as a lady does."

Interrupting the denial bubbling up Elrenia's throat as a sob, Lessa demanded, "Did he hurt you?"

"No, ma'am!" the lady snapped defensively. "Z'den takes care of his lovers real good. I promise you that." Then after a brief pause the woman gaped at Elrenia, "What d'you think he did to me, deary?"

"You _wanted_ to sleep with him?" Lessa pressed.

"Yes, I did. Been after him since he got here, but a green only just flew and he got rowdy because Arlith got beat out by the green's favorite. I was happy to oblige him." Big dark eyes settled on Elrenia as she said, "He hasn't done nothing to me I didn't want done, love. I promise."

But this was something Elrenia couldn't accept. _What use has a woman for sex?_ Lessa held her tighter for a moment, before thanking the woman and telling her to go. _What use is there for sex?_ The little brunette sighed and squeezed Elrenia's hands again. _There **is** no use for it._


	38. Chapter 37

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 37**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Summoning F'nor, Lessa gave the man very specific instructions to get Robinton to the Weyr _immediately_. One look at the sobbing wreck in his Weyrwoman's arms, and the brown rider was doing as he was told. Elrenia's eyes were red and swollen, her cheeks blotchy from the rubbing, and the hyperventilation. It had been a long while since she'd looked quite so truly exhausted, still sniffling softly to herself.

Yes, the girl looked tired often enough, and there was always something lingering right behind her eyes, but she hadn't looked quite so ready to fall to pieces since she first arrived. The shadow that haunted her, and distressed every person who looked at her long enough was suddenly all consuming. It flowed off of her like the tongues of a raging fire, touching and contaminating all that got too close with a cold sort of hopelessness. A feeling, deep in ones gut, that things simply weren't okay. It couldn't be put into words, that feeling, but neither could it be ignored. Lurking behind every corner, this feeling was waiting for an unsuspecting individual to get caught in its snare, and it destroyed for as long as it took to be conquered.

The look haunted the brown rider until he reentered the Weyr, Robinton in tow. However the Masterharper did not arrive alone, as he usually did. The young woman was both delighted and horrified to find Rilow following the older man into the room. He was not even wearing a jacket, and shivering for it, hands flexing absently until his eyes settled on the trembling candidate, beside her silently seething Weyrwoman.

Lessa, normally a force to be reckoned with, was radiating fury. With excellent reason she was angry, and though he inclined her head politely toward the men, she stayed mostly to herself. It was very clear that the little woman was trying to allow Elrenia to handle this herself, unfortunately the effort wasn't as successful as one would wish.

"Rilow…" Caught between rising to greet him, and being unable to stand for weak knees, Elrenia smiled shakily. In all her grief, the young woman was glad to see the man. Somehow he represented a change in her life. It was in his hands that the beginning of her recovery started.

It was hard to overlook the fact that if he hadn't been there to take her into Kelby's home, though that was an unmitigated disaster, she likely wouldn't have been found by H'val. She wouldn't have been taken to the Weyr. There were still things she needed to work through, but in the meantime she was… okay.

With her Weyrwoman at her back, and two men she intrinsically trusted standing before her, Elrenia _knew_ that she would be okay, and smiled more firmly now. "It's good to see you," she murmured softly, sitting when the man motioned her down and walked over. "How is your family?"

"They're well," Rilow promised, leaning over to kiss her cheek. Handing her a rolled up piece of paper, he explained, "Keral asks about you."

"Am I his writing lesson now?"

"If you don't mind him writing you."

"Of course not." Taking the scroll, Elrenia held it tightly to her chest for a moment. Her brief stay at Kelby's Hold had left a mark on all those involved. It was with _pride_ that the woman nodded her head to back up her acceptance. "I don't mind at all, actually."

Turning slightly to the Weyrwoman, Rilow bowed his head and said, "Thank you for caring for Elrenia."

"There's no need to thank us," Lessa spoke briskly, but her tone was not unkind. "She's one of ours now."

"Yes, I heard you were up for Impression," the Journeyman almost laughed. "All of the children are trying to convince Kelby and me that they should be allowed to come here for the Hatching."

Such a tantalizing thought could not simply be overlooked, and Elrenia nodded her head immediately at the man. "I… I would love for them to come," she spoke without really thinking. Trying to qualify a moment later, "If… if there's…" What? Room in the stands for a handful of children? Of course there was room, but that wasn't the problem. Nervously, the young woman looked up and murmured the pleading question, "Lessa?"

"If you'd like for them to come, I see no problem with a few of them attending." Really, it was only fair that the friends of a girl with no family be allowed to come and view the biggest thing that would ever happen to her. "We'll happily accept them here, you know that. How… big is this family then?"

"Not big at all!" Rilow laughed heartily. "Just my wife and her siblings."

"If Elrenia would like for them to come…"

"I would love it. Please." Eyes pled with Rilow when she looked up at him. "Can you bring them here for the Hatching?"

"Of course."

With that settled, the brunette somehow seemed more at ease. She would not be alone at the Hatching, and if that was all she could ask for, she was happy to have it. The small amount of pleasure hid away under an overwhelming wave of fear when she noticed the serious expression on Robinton's face, however. For a moment she'd forgotten that the Masterharper had been summoned at all. But there he was, patiently waiting for his moment to speak. And the reason for his summoning came rushing back, like a dragon blinking back from _between_.

"Elrenia?"

The man had been so kind to her thus far. He'd dealt with her situation with all the honor of a dragonman, but what now? How would he react when he found out how _dirty_ she was?

"Elrenia?"

Would he lose all respect for her? Surely not. Harpers were more… they were better… but… but it was so very shameful. A woman who'd lost everything was worthless. A woman without any talents even more so. But somehow she managed to be even more insignificant than _both_ of those.

"Elrenia?" Hands cupping her face drew the girl's attention up to Rilow, kneeling suddenly before her. His eyes were concerned, his thumb brushing gently across her cheek. "Dear, why are you crying?"

"Crying?" Raising one hand to touch her own face, the brunette was startled to find that the man was right. She was, in fact, crying. "I…" Instantly her tongue seemed to swell in her throat.

To the man's credit, he was only a little startled when the young woman collapsed into his arms, dissolving into hysterical tears once more. His arms closed around her worriedly, as he glanced up at Lessa. "What in the world happened?"

"There… is more to her story than she originally allowed us to know," the small woman murmured, reluctant to tell the story herself, but doing so willingly when the young woman failed to compose herself. Resting one hand on the top of Elrenia's head, Lessa sighed and said, "Much more. Robinton, you may want to sit. F'nor, you may stay if you wish."

Though she heard the sound of people moving through the room, Elrenia didn't have the courage to look up at them as Lessa explained the situation for her. Grateful to not have to handle this on her own, Elrenia focused primarily on calming herself down. Breathing was important, but hard to do without choking. Rubbing her back in circles as he listened, Rilow tightened his grip on the girl the longer Lessa spoke.

"I had a feeling," the Journeyman finally murmured, petting her hair gently. "When she first arrive at my Hold, I just _knew_. But she didn't tell me, and was so distraught… She left so suddenly that I couldn't very well _ask_."

"Neither could we," Lessa agreed, reaching forward to stroke the young woman's hair comfortingly again. "And I couldn't very well make up a story about this, not when I didn't know for sure."

"Don't blame yourselves . You did all that you could," Robinton's baritone soothed. "Thank you for calling me Lessa. This… Oh, my dear Elrenia. Are you sure you want to wait until after the Hatching to speak with Raid?"

"Yes." No hesitation. The one answer that the girl was positive about. "I… I can't just leave right now."

"All right. I… need you to tell me this in your own words, so I can get it on record. Is that alright?"

"I… I… Of course."

Sitting up nervously, Elrenia carefully answered every question the aging man had for her. Starting with, "What brought this up so suddenly?"

"I… I…" She needed to try three or four time before she finally forced out, "Z-Z'den."

Flinching to see F'nor storm from the room, Elrenia spent the next hour going over the situation with the Masterharper and her Weyrwoman, hand held the entire time by Rilow. Every one of them seemed furious, but not with her. Furious with the man that hurt her. Enraged to hear why he did all he did in the first place. But not a single one of them said a cross word to her.

It was hard to think that they _understood_ what she had been through, but maybe they did. Maybe they were able to take one look at her, and see clearly that her heart was shattering into smaller, and smaller pieces with every word she spoke. Maybe that was why Lessa had food for four brought up to the room so they could have lunch in private. Maybe that was why, when Robinton finished writing, he cupped her face gingerly before promising, "Everything will be all right." Maybe that was why Rilow renewed his promise to bring his family up for the Hatching.

In the end their efforts were worth it, because she was able to leave the Weyr with a dry face. Walking Robinton and Rilow out to the bowl. "Thank you so much, Masterharper," she whispered shyly, as he got ready to get on the dragon prepared to take him back to the Harper Hall. "I… you've been so good to me."

"No less than you deserve," he spoke with all the sincerity in the world. His eyes were soft when they rested on her, his posture perfectly straight, his shoulders strong. But his eyes… his eyes revealed the man that he was. "This situation will be resolved, Elrenia. I swear."

"Thank you. For everything."

"And I'll see to it personally that Rilow and his family get up here to see the Impression."

"Thank you." Looking over at her Harper friend, Elrenia gave Rilow a hug, patting the sleeve of a jacket borrowed from H'val for the return trip. "Tell your family I said hello, and that I'm doing well."

"It would be my pleasure."

In the darkest of times, there were people who seemed to love her so deeply. How could she ever doubt her place at the Weyr? Sometimes it made perfect sense to her—the fear of rejection. The thought that she didn't belong in such a wonderful place, with all the things that had happened to her, made perfect sense when the darkness invaded her thoughts. Then, with all of the support she could ever ask for and _more_, she never wanted to be anywhere else.

Information about the worst thing that had ever happened to her was now safely in the hands of the Masterharper of Pern, and it was like the planet was lifted from her shoulders. Everything was okay again, and she smiled carefully at the blonde she saw approaching her. Z'den. She'd been wrong about the… situation she'd found him in, and was glad to have been corrected by the woman. While the logic behind sleeping with the brown rider was lost on the girl, she was still glad that the woman had been willing.

"Z'den," she murmured as the man got within earshot. "Good morn—"

Flesh made sharp contact with flesh, and Elrenia fell to the ground. This was not what she expected. To be hurt. He wasn't ever supposed to hurt her. She didn't think he ever would. So much effort had been put toward earning her trust, and there she was, gently rubbing the burning spot.

Anger, burning brightly in his eyes as he stared down at her, was almost as shocking as the way he clenched his fists to prevent himself from hitting her again. "I don't believe you," he muttered, lip turning up into a snarl. "How could you spend months with me and think so _little_ of me?" Just for a second it looked like he was going to turn and walk away, but instead he knelt down beside her and _whispered_, "Rape?" Just like that she started crying, noticing a blurry F'nor racing toward the two of them as quickly as he could. "You accuse me of rape?"

"Z'den!" F'nor voice was sharp, almost dangerous in the silent warning not to raise another hand to her. "Z'den, I told you not to! Let me finish explain—"

"You accused me of _rape_?"

"I'm sorry," the words were barely audible, as one delicate hand reached out to grab the man's arm. But he pulled viciously away and stood again, brushing past F'nor without another thought. "Z'den, please…"

"I just…" Reaching up to grab the bridge of his nose, the man tried to breathe, turning to face her again. "I just don't understand what could have possessed you to _say_ such a thing!"

"I didn't know," she murmured, maneuvering to her knees to stand more easily. "Z'den, please. You have to understand—"

"That you think me capable of _raping_ a woman?"

"Z'den! Enough!"

"No!" Choking on her tongue, Elrenia buried her face in her hands for a second. "I'm _sorry_! I just… I just know what I saw!"

"You saw me laying with a woman! In what way does that constitute rape?"

"Please stop yelling," the girl cried, trying her absolute best to calm down again. But it was so hard, realizing that she'd ruined everything… again. But this wasn't just her asking prying questions. That… that was _nothing_ compared to this. This questioned his integrity as a man, as a Dragonrider, and as a human being. It demonstrated a lack of trust in him. Everything they'd been working toward was ruined, and it broke her heart. How could she possible come back from this? How could she make him forgive her? "I'm sorry. Please… just stop yelling at me."

"No!" the man _roared_, starting to raise his hand again, before F'nor grabbed his arm and he instead clenched them against his side. "Release me, F'nor."

"But—"

"Let me go!"

Releasing the infuriated brown rider, F'nor made sure to step between the big man and the crying woman. This was a fight he very clearly did not want to have, but was willing to if he had no other choice. He was the one that went to Z'den with the situation, both worried and angry when he did. He was the one that started this, and he would end it. But the blonde was storming back toward the Weyr, hands still clenched at his sides.

"Z'den!" His name was a plead, as Elrenia rushed past F'nor and over to where the other man was walking. The woman grabbed his arm, but he pulled away from her again. "Z'den, please listen to me." But he wouldn't even pause to look at her. He needed to. He needed to stop and listen, but he was so angry with her… for good reason.

How could she have ever thought he'd do such a thing? Z'den was a good man, and she trusted him. But when she walked into his room and saw him with that woman it all came flooding back. The pain, the fear, the agonizing feeling of betrayal. Ronomer…

Shivering violently as she thought of the man, Elrenia could almost excuse inadvertently going to Lessa with her accusation. _He_ killed her entire family just to have her body, how was she supposed to know that Z'den wouldn't do something to her once she saw him in bed with that woman? How was she supposed to know that the woman wanted to be there? She couldn't just stay there and have a discussion with them! Elrenia knew what she knew. Men hurt women, and the only safe thing was to stay away. Even with the retrospective knowledge that the man would be angry with her, she would rather bring the situation up to Lessa and be mistaken, than let an assault happen without speaking a single word.

"Z'den!" But now she couldn't stop him long enough to explain her side of the story. "Please! Stop!" A group was being drawn to the situation, but she forced herself to ignore them. Reaching out, she grabbed his hand and was nearly knocked off of her feet by the force with which he extracted himself from her grip. "Z'den!"

There had to be something that would stop him. Something that would gain his attention just long enough for her to really apologize. How could she make him understand? What would convince him?

Following the man uselessly, murmuring his name and grabbing at his limbs, Elrenia tried _desperately_ to figure out what she could do. Surely there was _something_ that would make him understand. Something. Anything.

_The truth_.

The thought, so sudden and startling, made Elrenia stop moving. That was really all Z'den ever wanted—the truth. He wanted to know about her, why… he wanted to know _everything_, and it was suddenly apparent that the truth was the only way she could possibly explain away what she'd done.

But a softly spoken, "Z'den," didn't stop him from moving. "Z'den." Louder now, but still he kept walking. "Z'den!" She was shouting, the crowd slowly migrating to them, growing even larger still, but the man didn't even glance over his shoulder. He was going to walk away. Abandon everything they had. Forget all of the days they'd spent together. He was just going to _leave_. She couldn't allow it. She just couldn't. So when running forward to grab the man's arm again only had her shoved back several feet she stopped thinking and started acting.

"He raped me!" she screamed the words, acutely aware of the tension that exploded from every gathered body, and electrified the air. Z'den still did not turn, though he froze in place, shoulders tensing. "He raped me," she spoke again, daring to take a step toward the man, realizing that this was going to spread through the Weyr like thread in a field.

Slowly, almost hesitantly, the blonde turned. All of the anger, the righteous fury was gone, and he was staring at her with sad, worried eyes. He didn't say a word, though he took several steps of his own, closing the gap between them rather quickly so he could gaze into her eyes. And this time, perhaps for the first time, Elrenia didn't look away.

"He… that was…" Blinking rapidly so eyes to clear her eyes of tears, as she tried to concentrate on drawing breath, it took a moment for Elrenia to force herself to say, "You wanted… to know his motive. He… Ronomer didn't want my land. He wanted me."

Green met grey, and big, strong arms were drawing Elrenia to Z'den's chest where she settled in to cry. It was much less hysterical than when she'd been talking to Lessa not so long ago, less hysterical still than when she needed to tell Robinton, but the pain within the tears somehow felt even more intense. The arms she'd thought capable of holding that poor woman down while the brown rider did despicable things to her offered her comfort like nothing else. Lips against her forehead, and fingers running through the hair that fell from her braid only helped further. But her stomach seemed to have wrapped itself around her heart and lungs, suffocating her.

"He raped me," the girl murmured into his shoulder, shuddering violently the moment the words were released. So low. So broken. It was a truth she'd been so afraid of for so long. A phrase she'd never dared to speak aloud in the presence of others, though it ate at the darkest corners of her mind. She'd never allowed herself to truly believe that such a horrid thing could be done to her even though, months later, it still felt as though she was bruised and torn to pieces.

"He raped me, and he destroyed my Hold." The arms around her tightened, but they couldn't seem to stop the pervasive cold that was working its way under her skin. "He raped me, he destroyed my Hold, and he…" A shaky sob was released. Elrenia could cry for the damage done to her, but she would much rather cry for them. She would cry for the lives lost that day. "He killed them. All of them. My family. He… he… he…"

"I know," the usually gruff voice was especially gravelly, a stream rushing over a bed of rocks. She glanced up from where she'd burrowed into him, shocked by the admission. "I've known since you got here."

"Y-you did?"

"It was hard to mistake your fear for anything else." One big, calloused hand stroked her back firmly. "Fear of men is one thing. Fear of everyone is another. But… you not only feared _everyone_… you were afraid _for_ everyone."

"Z'den—"

"Hush, child." Using one finger to lift the girl's chin, Z'den looked deep into her eyes again, murmuring, "The bruises. The skittishness. Elrenia, how could I not know? How could I call myself your friend and not notice these things?"

"Why didn't you say something?" she asked, confused as to why _this_ is what he would choose to keep quiet about. For a moment, the sickening thought that he was disgusted by it entered the girls mind, but the worry was soothed away as the man caressed her cheek.

"How do you ask a woman that?" he whispered, shaking his head. "How do you ask a terrified, wounded woman if she's been raped?" An excellent question that no one seemed to have the answer to. Not Lessa, or Robinton, or Rilow. Elrenia _certainly_ didn't. Everyone had known, and her persistent silence had apparently kept them for being able to do anything. Sighing slightly the man admitted, "I hoped that, in time, you would come to trust me enough to tell me."

"I'm sorry," she sobbed, burying herself in his arms again. "I… I shouldn't have been afraid of you."

Z'den didn't respond to this, though there were any number of smug things he could have said. Holding her tightly, he just rested his chin carefully atop her head, waiting for her to calm down. It felt like they stood there for hours before she was able to breathe normally again, and the brown rider took the chance to ask, "Do you want to go for a ride?"

That was always the solution for him. When Z'den didn't know what else to say, he offered to take the girl to the skies. And, like always, the girl couldn't resist. "Yes," she murmured. "I… that sounds very nice."

Arlith was in the bowl a moment later, gazing at the girl with blue and yellow swirling jewels. Worried. The brown beast was worried, and knelt especially low so that she didn't have to work to vault up to his neck. It was a skill she was getting particularly good at, and when she managed to get all the way up without help from the brown rider, she smiled broadly through her tears.

"Maybe," she laughed wetly when the man settled down behind her, "you can make a rider out of me yet."

"I intend to." One strong arm clamped around her waist just for a second, and they were on her ledge. Disappointment squeezed her stomach tightly before the man nudged her and said, "Go get a heavy jacket so we can get going." A moment later, he added on, "You may want to change into heavier boots if you have them."

"I don't."

"Then we'll get you some."

Almost nervous to be told this, the girl slipped off the brown's back and retrieved her heavy riding jacket—compliments of H'val—before being pulled back up. The heavy hide, and soft lining made the cold bite of the wind so much less. The man at her back only warmed her further as they took to the air and, after a brief warning, blinked out of sight.

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_**Happy holidays everyone! I hope you all have a great weekend =D**_


	39. Chapter 38

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 38**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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Cold lips on her cheek were startling, as she looked down at the snowcapped mountains. Flinching at the feeling of them, Elrenia looked back at Z'den, eyes wide in confusion. The expression he wore made her stomach clench with worry as he strengthened his grip around her waist. He appeared trapped somewhere between sadness and guilt, but that didn't make any sense… unless he was planning something.

_No_! It wasn't a question, Z'den wasn't. He wouldn't. Not after the discussion they'd _just_ had. To think the man would turn coat so easily was unconscionable. To have thought he'd do something so horrible in the first place was, now only made it that much worse.

Despite all of his gruffness and glares, Z'den was a good man. She'd seen the soft underbelly of the beast, and she rather liked it that way. It almost felt like there was something about the man that only _she_ knew, and she didn't want to taint that feeling with unfounded thoughts. The brown rider was right to be upset that she could spend so much time with him and still jump to conclusions, even if she didn't regret her decision to speak to Lessa and the others.

It was about time that everyone knew what they were dealing with. Although, she'd be lying if she said she didn't dread the looks she'd get when she returned and had to face the rumors that were bound to have spread. Even more than that, she feared having to set the story straight when those very rumors became too much to overlook. But when all of that was said and done, then at the very least she wouldn't be hiding things from her friends anymore. Everyone would know everything that needed to be known, and that was that.

The expression on the man's face persisted however, and Elrenia knew she needed to say something. Anything. But what?

"Z'den?" she tried to force all of her questions into the sound of his name, placing her hand over his where it gripped the side of her coat. "What's wrong?"

The man just shook his head, looking past her until she lifted her hand enough to tap his cheek. Her fingers were freezing, and upon this realization the man reached up and grabbed them, taking his own gloves off to slip them over her long, elegant fingers. "You don't have anything, do you?" he asked, rubbing his palms over the now cloth covered hands to warm them up further.

"All of my belongings…" Looking away to clench her eyes shut, Elrenia was wary of crying in the freezing cold. Of crying at all, really. There'd been far too many tears shed that day, and she didn't care to shed even more. Leaning back against the man, she allowed him to protect her, and in an odd way it was freeing. There was no need for her to think about anything save the warmth at her back. A deep breath later, she was simply saying, "No, I really don't have much."

"So we need to get you boots, and gloves."

A soft shake of the head, imperceptible had she not been resting on him. "You don't need to get me anything."

"You've been doing hard work for months now, Elrenia, and you haven't been paid anything."

"I'm working so I can stay."

"You could stay without working. It's only fair that we take care of you."

"But—"

"No buts." Cold lips were on her cheek again, as Arlith circled and started moving in a different direction, likely following a silent command. "I'm sorry for slapping you."

"You were angry."

"That's not an excuse."

"No," she agreed. "It's not. But… I understand." And, honestly, she did. The fury in his eyes wasn't there because of insult. It was pain. He was _hurt_ by what she'd said about him. So much so that his normally calm demeanor was shattered, and he was unable to listen to the rest of the story. For the first time in her arguably short experience, Z'den became a man of action before thought, and he felt bad because of it. If that wasn't a sign of how truly good he was… "I just hope you know that if you ever hit me again, I'm going to be forced to sick Koth on you."

Smiling softly as she felt the man's chest vibrating with laughter, Elrenia tilted her head back to rest more firmly against his shoulder, and watched the clouds move overhead. The things in her life were hardly perfect, but they were better than they could have been. There were people who loved her, and she clearly remembered her mother once telling her that there were few things as important as that. With love she had all that she could ever need, and when the man—perhaps unconsciously—tilted his head to rest lightly against her own, she couldn't help agreeing with the woman's long lost sentiments. The warm body below her, carrying her through the skies, the warmer body at her back… what else could a woman ever need?

_You're wonderful, Arlith,_ she thought as loudly as she could, hoping she could impress the words on the strong creature. She hadn't the slightest idea whether or not he could actually hear her, but held out the utmost hope. It was entirely possible that he was hearing, and refusing to respond because he was stubborn. Or didn't like her… but at least, then, he didn't hate her. He would never take her anywhere if he did. _Absolutely wonderful. I just want you to know that_.

Though she waited, patiently, there was no response from the beast below. There was always a tingling sort of hope deep within her that Arlith would acknowledge her the way that Koth did, but the girl was not hurt when the dragon didn't. What's more, the hope didn't die.

Someday she'd prove herself to the beast, and he would speak to her. Someday she would gain enough of Z'den respect to sway the brown's opinion of her, whatever that was. Sometimes she wished she could read the minds of the dragons, even if she couldn't speak to them, just so that she could know what they thought of her.

_Since when was the opinion of others so important?_ Clearly from the moment she stepped foot in the Weyr. She was always worried about what everyone was thinking. The dragons were no different. They had opinions, and she fretted over them. She just wanted everyone to like her.

Silly, really, to have the ambitions of the seven turn old only just beginning to interact with other children. But it was what it was, and what it was didn't require dwelling. There were far more important things than whether or not she was generally likeable—like the man pressed against her back. Where he was taking her was still a general mystery, though she trusted it would be an interesting experience. Everywhere Z'den took her ended up being enjoyable, somehow. With the promise of gloves and boots that she didn't necessarily want but knew she needed…

"Where are we going?"

"To see a friend."

"Your friend?"

"Who else's?" the blonde asked with an airy laugh. "He makes the best riding gear."

"Isn't it a bit presumptuous to buy me my own riding gear?" Elrenia couldn't help but laugh in return.

"Where are you right now?"

"What?"

"Where are you? What are you doing?"

"I'm… in the air. On Arlith. Flying."

"Riding."

The girl smiled. Helpless to resist the charm of the man, she continued to smile as Arlith winged down into a clearing just off of a dark stone hall. She'd never seen anything of the like, her own cothold having been near white under the many turns of wear. The Hall looked carved straight from the earth, dark, and crisp, and fitting. The building looked as though it _belonged_ there, and as Z'den slipped off Arlith moments before she did, hovering only long enough to be motioned away—she didn't need help getting down—she decided she liked wherever they were.

There was no grass anywhere near the walls of the hold, as was appropriate. It was cleared out to several yards, but the rolling hills in the distance were very clearly covered in green. Or what would have been green had the cold not crisped it to a dull brown. The decision to return during the warmer months came unbidden, as she rested one hand on Arlith's flank and looked around.

The area looked most pleasant, not so unlike her own home had been. Though the thought pained her still, she followed Z'den further into the clearing, looking further at the new place, and the splendors it had to offer.

She'd traveled more during her time at the Weyr than she had her entire life, and as an old, wrinkled man stepped out into the cold with a smile she wanted to travel even more. The world was full of people more than willing to accept her with open arms, and it was foolish to presume that one evil little tunnel snake of a man could change that. When the old man smiled and clasped her hands after greeting and speaking to Z'den for a moment, she felt this to the pit of her stomach. Everything would be okay.

"I see what you mean Zariden," the old man spoke with eyes that twinkled, and teeth that were not afraid to peek out from beneath his upturned lips. "The girl does most definitely need gloves. Her hands are like ice even beneath yours."

"Elrenia, this is Radez, brother of my father's father. The best of the best when it comes to making riding gear, as far as I'm concerned."

"You flatter me son."

"Yes well, I'm sure my feet would've fallen off twice over if not for your boots."

"Ha!" The man, hair mostly gray, and face more wrinkled than not motioned the two toward the building. "Come in, you two. It's cold out here. Arlith, as always, is welcome to a buck or two if he's hungry."

"He thanks you for the hospitality."

The rush of warmth the moment the doors to the hall were opened was welcomed, and the girl breathed the warmth in deeply. To one side was a weaving loom, a tapestry of some sort half formed on it, being picked and prodded by a young woman who leaned to the side and smiled. "Z'den!" she called, barely nodding her head at the man when he turned to look at her. "About time you came for another visit, you wherry."

"I missed you too Lira," the man called back, waving her insult off easily. "How are your sisters?"

"Well. Alana is with child."

"I hope she has a healthy boy."

"I hope she has a healthy girl!"

"You would."

"I need someone to help me with the looms!" the girl shouted in laughing exasperation. Finishing off the line she was working on, the girl took a cloth from her head and released waves of golden hair as she moved to wrap the significantly larger man in a hug. "None of our boys so far have had the touch for it, save you. And the dragonmen came and stole you away from us before we had the chance to convert you."

"And yet you cheered most obnoxiously at my Impression."

"Yes, well, Arlith is a dear."

Releasing the woman from a bone crushing hug with a kiss to her forehead, Z'den motioned to the brunette standing quietly to the side. "This is Elrenia, a friend from the Weyr."

"A rider?"

"A candidate."

"I see." The blonde woman, nearly reaching Elrenia's shoulder, spent a moment examining her. Eyes of a pale green hue ran over the girl every which way before she nodded her head and reached out to clasp the girl's forearm. "I'm Lira," she introduced. "Welcome to our home." Turning back to the brown rider, the woman said, "She's much too young for you, Z'den. Let me introduce her to Zafer."

"By the Egg, Zafer is back?"

"He is indeed. Brought us treats from Southern too."

"Where is the man?"

"He should be—"

"Z'den, you dirty rotten bastard."

"Zafer! My brother!"

"Don't you 'brother' me!" The man, somehow taller than the brown rider, clapped the man roughly on the shoulder before pulling him into one of the least masculine hugs Elrenia ever had the pleasure of witnessing. His hair was short, and dirty blonde, not unlike Z'den's. Ill kempt, and sticking up all over the place. Somehow he had the same strong jawline, with the difference of lips that curled more readily into a grin. "You missed Cara's birthing day! What a great uncle you are."

"I wasn't expecting Thread to fall right on our heads, Zafer. I would have been there, had the winds not shifted."

"I don't believe you for a second, you lout."

"Dimglow."

"Deadglow."

And they hugged again, twinkling green eyes looking over Z'den's shoulder at Elrenia, laughing silently at her attempts not to smile widely at the display of brotherly affection. They stood still, embracing for a moment, before Zafer opened his mouth and licked Z'den's neck. The slightly shorter man let out a shout and tried to pull away, but his brother held fast, and continued to make the man outrageously uncomfortable.

"Zafer!" Z'den shouted, trying to squirm out of the young man's grasp, but he was clearly matched in skill. "Enough!"

"It will never be enough, Z'den!"

"You act as though you're all of three turns old!"

"I will never grow up!"

"I can tell!"

"Give in!"

"I will never give in!"

"You _will_ give in!"

Another lick, another strange, disgustedly amused shout, and Elrenia couldn't hold the laughter in any longer. Covering her mouth with one hand to muffle the sound, the blue grey eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled. Her chest heaved with the force of her laughter, and the green eyes watching her carefully sparkled even more. In that instant two things were very clear about the man attached to her brown rider—firstly, he was a good man. Secondly, he loved Z'den. A lot.

Yet he refused to release the rider until, after several minutes of struggle that had the two wrestling on the ground, Zden finally shouted, "I give! I give!"

"Success!"

"I sharding hate you."

"Do not," Zafer brushed the feigned anger off without blinking. "You love me. That's what you didn't smother me during my infancy despite the fact that I pushed you into two rushing rivers, and tried to feed you to a flock of agitated wherries before I even aged five turns."

"That and your father would have been _very_ displeased with me."

"Oh, undoubtedly," the man agreed, pulling the brown rider to his feet before brushing the dust off of him. "The rivalry between your family and mine would have been one for the ages. Stories would be woven into tapestries, and hung in every hall about us. Stories would be past through generations, embellished and exaggerated, and still not quite as spectacular as the truth."

"Death by arm fat."

"A truly horrid way to go," the man explained, shifting his complete attention to the still laughing Elrenia. In her entire life she couldn't recall meeting anyone quite as lively as the man now approaching her, wrapping one arm around her waist to pull her against his chest. "Clenched," he started, waving one arm toward a distant wall, as though illustrating a picture with his fingers, "between my brother's armpit and chubby elbow. Struggling for air until one final, weak, halting moment has me sinking into the everlasting darkness of _between_. Lost to my loved ones forever."

"Wish I'd done exactly that," Z'den grumbled, quickly regaining his composure as he rubbed saliva off of his neck. "Zafer, this is Elrenia. Kindly remove your arms from her."

"Aw, but brother—"

"Don't you '_brother_' me," the man repeated the words that were spoken earlier, taking one protective step forward.

Zafer paused, just for a second, before letting Elrenia go, murmuring a sincere apology for grabbing her. "I should have asked first," he admitted, bowing to kiss her hand before taking several respectful steps backward. "My name is Zafer. Z'den is my dear, older cousin. And it is a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure is mine," Elrenia responded with a smile that made her face glow. "I didn't know Z'den had so many cousins."

"Yes, well, Z'den has never been much of a talker, so I take no insult," Zafer spoke easily. He had a confidence about him that was most impressive, as he motioned to a door on the other side of the room. "Why don't we all go into the house and have some food? Ama was just about finished cooking when I came out to greet you."

"Ama is here as well?" Z'den asked, smiling a bit weakly. It occurred to Elrenia suddenly that he probably hadn't been intending to introduce her to his entire family by bringing her to his great uncle. "What is this? A reunion?"

"Many of us came out when we heard Alana was with child. It's only right that we torture her in her time of need."

"Cur."

"You know me, brother. Come. Let's feed your woman… and you! When did you lose so much weight?"

"I've lost no weight."

"You have so. I clearly remember you being _fat_."

"I haven't been… big since I was a child. You know that. Now stop acting the fool, and lead the way."

"Bossy, bossy."

"I'll take Elrenia in when I'm done measuring her," Radez spoke, laughing at the antics of his nephews. "She needs gloves, yes?"

"And boots, if you will," Z'den said, stopping in his tracks and turning to look at the brunette. "Would you like me to stay, Elrenia?"

The girl wanted to say yes, but the glow the man had about him at seeing his cousin forced her to shake her head. "No." It was really that simple, and Z'den was smiling. Honestly _smiling_ at her. "Go, I'm sure Radez will take good care of me."

"The very best," the man promised, leading her by the hand to a nearby stool. "Now you boys make sure not to eat all the food. Your poor old uncle is famished."

"Yes'sir," both boys laughed, exiting the room with Lira at their heels.

Sitting when she was told to sit, Elrenia felt most awkward in the old man's presence. The fact of the matter was if he had any of the good soul that both of his nephews clearly did then she needn't worry for her safety. And yet, when he knelt and lifted her foot to his knee, asking polite permission to remove the shoes before so much as touching the laces, she was nervous. She worried that she would never get over this skittishness around men as the man carefully measured her feet.

"So, you are a friend of my Z'den?" the old man broke the silence carefully.

"I am, sir."

"A good friend?"

"I… he is certainly a good friend of mine."

"Ahha," the man almost laughed, eyes shifting to meet the girl's gaze. "You haven't figured out how to read him yet."

"No sir."

"Well, I assure you he's fond of you." Moving on to her other foot after slipping a fur lined slipper on the girl's foot, Radez smiled. "He doesn't often bring friends home with him."

"I got the impression," she admitted. It was shocking that he'd allow her to meet his family after their… last conversation about his parents. Z'den had been so _furious_ with her before H'val spoke to him. But if nothing else, this was surely a sign that he'd forgiven her.

"The last friend of his that we met was H'val, do you know him?"

"I do," Elrenia beamed. "He and Koth are also good friends of mine."

"The nicest boys," Radez agreed with a nod of his head. "I make his boots too."

"Do you?"

"And his gloves. Z'den took him here before his Impression too."

"Oh?"

"Yes, he tends to do that to candidates he's sure will Impress. Wishes to the egg, I suppose."

"Well… he wasn't wrong about H'val."

"And he isn't wrong about you."

Smiling at this, the girl held out her hands when beckoned, and the man measured those too. Meticulously he scribbled down notes as he stretched and bent her fingers, testing to see, presumably, how best to fashion the gloves. It was interesting to see the man work. Having something custom made was much different than just finding something that fit well enough and buying it.

"You'll never have a better pair of gloves," he promised. "I'll have you coming back every season for a new one."

"How much will these cost, sir?"

"Free, for a friend of my Z'den's."

"Sir—"

"I won't haggle, little lady," the man spoke fiercely, giving her hands one good rub to warm them up further before motioning her to her slippered feet. "It's free or nothing, you hear me?"

It was hard not to smile at this. "Of course."

"Good. Let's go get food."

The house was even warmer than the weaving hall, filled with people rushing back and forth with more smiles than they knew what to do with. There was laughter coming from a far room, the room they were approaching. However they stopped short at the sight of a tiny blonde girl, thumb in her mouth, foul expression on her face, blocking the doorway.

"Jasara?" Radez spoke in a low, gentle voice. Leaning forward to peer at the child. "What's wrong, sweetling?"

Speaking without so much as removing her thumb from her mouth, the girl demanded, "Who's she?"

"My name is Elrenia," the brunette spoke with a smile. "What's yours?"

"Jasara," the girl responded, narrowing her little eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Your uncle," Elrenia guessed, glancing over to see Radez nod affirmatively at her, so she continued, "Z'den invited me. He wanted to get me new boots."

"Oh." The little girl got a pensive look on her face for a moment, before she turned toward the door and shouted. "Z'den! Z'den! Z'den!" in the highest pitch imaginable until the man showed up and scooped her off of the floor.

"What do you want, you little terror?"

"Who's she?"

Radez laughed immediately, and stepped past the trio into the dining room. Z'den smiled at the girl in his arms, kissing her forehead before saying, "Her name is—"

"Elrenia. I know. Who is she?"

"A friend of mine."

"What does she want?"

"Someone has an attitude," the man scolded softly. "You know that's not how we talk to people, Jasara."

"So?"

"So?" The man asked, and Elrenia felt her heart beginning to pound. Z'den was clearly very displeased with the child's behavior, and what's more, the little girl didn't seem to care. "You're supposed to be polite to people, Jasara. _Especially_ house guests."

"She's not a guest, she's a customer."

"She's not."

"She's buying boots, she's a customer."

"They're a gift, so she's not."

"She is."

"Jasara," the man placed the child on the floor, and carefully extracted her finger from her mouth. "I want you to apologize for your attitude."

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"All right then, you'll be going to your room."

"You're not my father. You can't put me in my room."

"Jareth!" the blonde called into the room, and a rather large man walked into the hallway, a curious expression his face.

"Z'den?"

"Jasara is being rude, I'd like for you to send her to her room."

"Jasara?"

"She's not family. She's a customer. She's not my customer. I don't need to be polite. And Z'den isn't you, so he can't send me to my room."

"You always need to be polite, sweetling," Jareth murmured, leaning to down take the child's hand. "And your uncle may not be me, but he can punish you when you're being naughty." He put the little girl's hand into Z'den's, and murmured, "He will put you in your room, and you will stay there until you're ready to apologize for your attitude. Do you hear me?" One little thumb was back in the child's mouth and she pouted, but she nodded her head and let Z'den lead her off.

Unsure of how she was supposed to react to this, Elrenia cautiously looked over at Jareth. He was only about her height, with hair much darker than Z'den or any of his other kin thus far—he probably married into the family. While he wasn't particularly tall, he was much bigger than her. Very muscular, with small eyes that looked angry despite his smile.

"Come dear," he said, holding out an arm for her to take. "I'll introduce you to the others."

"But Z'den—"

"Will be back soon," Jareth promised. "Everyone is extremely excited to meet you."

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_**Sorry for the delay guys. **__**For the record, food poisoning is a lot less fun than it sounds. **_Happy New Year. 


	40. Chapter 39

**Its Eyes Were Jewels**

**Chapter 39**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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"Take a seat, Sweetling," a woman with kindly eyes spoke, pulling the chair beside herself out. Her hair was even grayer than Radez's, her face even more wrinkled, but nothing else about her seemed old. It was odd, the people two generations Z'den's senior seemed so much younger than him. Less jaded, as it were. "I hear you're my dear Z'den's new candidate—"

"Sister," Radez murmured, "don't you start teasing the girl."

"Why _ever_ would you accuse me of that?"

"Because I remember what you did when you met H'val for the first time, you old wherry."

"Don't you talk to your _big_ sister that way."

"Then you leave Elrenia alone, okay? She's a dear, and I'd hate for you to scare her away like you did poor little H'val."

"I did _not_ scare the boy away," she denied almost petulantly, crossing her arms. "He's just been awful busy."

"You scared him away," Zafer murmured, leaning down to kiss the woman's cheek. "And the roast smells delicious, Ama."

"Don't tell me that," she brushed off the compliment without a second thought. "Tell your mother."

"The roast smells delicious, mom!" the man shouted, laughing and dodging a swing from the old woman.

"Don't shout in the house, you nasty little man."

"Yes, Ama."

The interactions nearly horrified Elrenia, who sat perfectly still, unsure of herself as plate upon plate of food was brought out. Never in her life would she have had the courage to speak to one of her elders in such a way, but the old woman took it all in good humor. The twinkle never left her eyes, and the smile never left her mouth. In fact, it widened when Z'den entered the room and gave her a kiss.

"Please don't torture her the way you did H'val," the man requested quietly, and Zafer laughed near hysterical from across the room. "What?"

"We were just telling her that!"

"I did _not_ torture H'val," Ama denied once more, shrugging her shoulders this time. "We simply had a formal conversation about his intentions with you." Elrenia snorted most inelegantly at this, and covered her mouth when several men turned and smirked at her.

"She's talking about exactly what you think she's talking about," Jareth murmured in her ear as he set a plate on the table. "She asked the poor boy what his _intentions_ with her great several times over grand_son_ were."

"By the egg."

"I've never seen a boy blush so thoroughly."

"Well, I can certainly see why he would."

"Fine!" the woman finally bellowed, waving everyone to their seats haphazardly. "I won't ask the girl what she intends to do with my Z'den. And I won't tell her that she'll have to answer to me if she breaks his heart. And I _certainly_ won't tell her that if she gets him pregnant she'll have to marry him."

"Ama!"

"What? I just said I _wouldn't_."

"You're a ruthless little terror, you know that?"

"Where do you think Jasara gets it from?"

"What have you been teaching her, Ama?"

"Nothing at all, my dear Jareth. Who's carving the roast?"

The conversations that took place during the actual meal were toned down, but no less lively. Elrenia was kept in stitches the entire time, caught between laughing hysterically, and groaning at the pain in her face from smiling so hard, often with food in her mouth. No one cared that her manners were very clearly poor, however. No one teased when she choked on her tubers more than once, simply providing a friendly slap on the back to free up her airways once more. No one looked down at her for being poorly dressed. No one cared that she wasn't part of the family, or that she was one more mouth to feed. For all intents and purposes, that meal, she _was_ part of the family.

It was a good feeling, not so different from how she felt at the Weyr but not the same. She always felt welcomed at the tables in the hall. No one would ever tell her she couldn't sit somewhere, even if they weren't one of her friends—and regardless, she had more than enough friends to sit with. But…

At Z'den's family's table she was _wanted_. She was included without question, and she _enjoyed_ it. The smiles were all genuine. None of the conversation was forced. And though there was teasing, none of it was hurtful.

Maybe that was what struck the woman the most. Even though Red and Palmer were friends, when they teased they went for blood. They found a weakness, and held on to it until someone broke up the fight. There was a want to prove that one of them was better than the other, and it never ended well. Not here. Zafer spent the entire night teasing Z'den, but there was no mistaking the very real love there. Ama teased everyone, but it always ended in laughter. It was refreshing.

There were a handful of women sprinkled around the table, likely sitting beside their men. Lira was the only unaffiliated one, sitting between Z'den and Zafer to act as a sort of buffer. It wasn't hard to spot Alana, with the most beautiful head of hair Elrenia had _ever_ seen, with a stomach already protruding most outrageously under her dress. To say she was simply pregnant was a vast understatement. It was like she was growing a queen egg in there, and when she caught Elrenia staring at her she smiled warmly and wiggled her fingers in greeting.

"I'm Alana," she spoke across the table without effort. "This is my husband, Nasor. It's good to meet you."

"I'm Elrenia. It's… It's good to meet you too," Elrenia spoke with a hesitantly raised voice.

At the sound of their guest shouting to be heard Zafer laughed, and roared, "It's about time, darling!"

The meal was nearly finished when little hands on her lap startled her, and a glance down revealed the blonde head of Jasara. Little green eyes stared up at Elrenia, narrow like Jareth's without a smile to soften them. The two girls just stared at each other for a moment, the conversation at the table not pausing for a moment. It wasn't that no one cared what was going on. Jareth was carefully watching the proceedings from across the way, prepared to take his child in hand if she continued to misbehave, but no one wanted to embarrass the child.

"I'm sorry for being rude," she murmured, and Elrenia nodded her head.

"It's all right dear."

Just like that Jareth nodded his head and went to locate another chair for the child. He made up a plate of food for her, and kissed her cheek when he handed it over. Except the table was beginning to clear. People were excusing themselves so they could go about their business, and Elrenia hated the idea of the child having to eat alone. "I'll stay," she murmured, looking over at Z'den for permission. "I'll keep Jasara company."

"Are you sure?"

"Do you _want_ to leave her in the obviously capable, but apparently corrupting hands of Ama?"

The man laughed, eyes twinkling as he did so. "All right, flitterby. All right, stay with the child. And don't you let Ama corrupt you either!"

"Will do, Z'den. I will not be swayed by her charm."

"Bitran odds," the old woman murmured, but smiled charmingly up at her grandson. "I've got the little ladies, dear. Go, catch up with your brothers."

Left alone with Ama and Jasara, Elrenia floundered for one delicate moment. It was just like the first time she was left in charge of the children. She wasn't entirely sure what to do as Jasara started shoveling food into her mouth. There were so many options, and none of them felt quite right until the girl started coughing. "Eat slower, Jasara," Elrenia urged, reaching over to pat the girl's back. "You're much less likely to die that way."

"But 'm 'ungry," she mumbled around a mouthful of roast.

"Eat your tubers, sweetling," Ama urged, nudging them closer to the girls fork much to the child's chagrin.

"Tubers are ucky."

"Quite," Elrenia agreed without a moment's hesitation. "But you gotta eat them anyway. Don't want to make your dad upset again."

"I guess." And the child took a mouthful of the things wrapped in a slice of her roast to hide the taste even if she couldn't ignore the texture. "I love you and all, Ama, but you need to learn how to make tubers right."

"Oh do I?"

"Yeah, you don't roast them like Orler does."

"Oh, and who's Orler?"

"Posh's dad."

"And who's Posh?"

"My husband."

Elrenia choked on her klah, turning to look down at the child. She wasn't older than five, but… "She's joking," she stated what should have been a question, glancing sideways at Ama, who merely shrugged. "Sweetling, you're… not married?"

"Not yet," the child admitted with a shrug. "But I'm going to marry him."

"Not until I meet him you're not," Ama muttered. "Or have you forgotten that I have the privilege of rank here?"

"Psht. You're not _my_ Weyrwoman."

"But I'm _a_ Weyrwoman, am I not?"

"Yes, Ama."

"So you need to listen to me."

"Yes, Ama."

Elrenia wasn't sure what to say, as she settled into the realization that the woman and child were playing at being dragonriders. It was sweet. Jasara must have looked up to Z'den and Arlith—honestly, who wouldn't? And she wanted to ride. "You're… I…"

"You're a candidate," Jasara muttered. "Z'den was talking about it."

And suddenly the problem was obvious. Blatantly obvious. Jasara was jealous. Elrenia was spitting distance from being a rider, and the little blonde girl had at least twelve years to wait. She wasn't a rider, and Ama wasn't a Weyrwoman no matter how much they pretended, and she didn't want someone to be closer to her dream than she was. "I am," she agreed after her shock faded a bit. "And you will be too."

"Will I?"

"It's common knowledge that dragons run in the blood," she spoke with all the confidence in the world. "Your uncle is a rider, so you've got even better chances than I do of impressing."

The girl's severe expression lightened slightly as she looked up at the young woman and asked, "Really?"

"Yes really!" Having found her way in, Elrenia was more than happy to both humor and cheer up the child. She knew how hard it was to deal with someone else succeeding at your own dreams. It hurt. It clawed at the soul, especially in one so young, without any means to handle the situation. Jasara should have been better behaved, yes, but at least now there was an explanation. Thinking, suddenly, that she could perhaps head off future problems a bit, the young woman murmured, "The only thing is that you have to start being more polite, because dragons like polite people."

Green eyes widened a bit in shock. "They do?"

"They do," she insisted, even if it was a bit of a lie. She hadn't the slightest idea if _manners_ were what made dragons like a person, but they certainly couldn't hurt. "They like polite people because… they like people that their rider's like. And Dragonmen and women like polite people, don't they?"

"I guess."

"So if you're nice to them, then the dragons will like you more." After a moment she amended, "So long as you're not faking."

"I see."

The child continued eating as Elrenia explained that dragons were influenced by their riders, but they definitely functioned under their own prerogatives. They could see the heart of a person better than even families could sometimes. Jasara seemed extremely interested, while Ama sat there, simply amused by the two girls. During the course of the explanation the child was coaxed into eating more tubers than meat, and all of the other greens at the table that she normally wouldn't have. It didn't seem to matter what exactly she was putting in her mouth, so long as Elrenia kept talking about dragons.

So she did.

Elrenia talked until her throat was sore, saved only by the sound of a flute seeping through the door from the other room. The sound caught the attention of the trio, and Jasara suddenly looked extremely anxious to get moving. Food held no more interest to her, and dragons even less when festivities were beginning. So, after tossing a grin to Ama, Elrenia nodded her head at the child. "Go on, sweetling. Go."

"Thank you!"

Leaving the room without a second thought, Jasara left her dishes to the two older women, but neither seemed particularly bothered. In fact they smiled at each other before starting the brief clean up. Elrenia was washing them when Ama touched her back and murmured, "You're good with children, I see."

"I've had a bit of training at the Weyr."

"Oh?"

"I take care of the Weyrbrats, to keep them out of trouble." Pale lips curled into a smile when she thought of the little ones. It felt like she'd been neglecting them recently, but Jaione was there as well, so at least they weren't alone. "One little girl is nothing compared to a dozen tiny dragon enthusiasts."

"I see."

The two women cleaned in silence until Ama deemed their task complete and led her out into the room where there was dancing and music. It was hard to believe that this was _one_ family, playing at least four instruments while leaving a big enough crowd to fill the rest of the room. Z'den sat in a chair with Lira on his lap, the man completely unbothered by the presence of his cousin. There was nowhere else for her to sit, and they were clearly discussing something important.

Seeing this, Elrenia left them alone, and gravitated over to where Zafer was speaking to the man that Alana identified as her husband. Before she could speak a shy word however, the pregnant women wrapped an arm around her and dragged her into the conversation with the question, "Have you ever fished?"

"Fished?" she asked, confused by the seemingly random inquiry. "No, I've never had the opportunity."

"Then we'll take you along on one of our next trips."

"Oh will we?" Nasor asked with a smile that split his face in half.

Almost frightened to start problems after only just having met the couple, Elrenia raised her hands and insisted, "I… No. There's… you don't have to."

"Nonsense," Alana insisted, arm still wrapped around her. "Everyone should at least _know_ how to fish, even if you don't like it. It's a good skill to have. How are you ever going to learn if no one teaches you?"

"Alana, dear, don't force the girl—"

"Force?" the woman laughed, eyes flashing amusedly. "Who's forcing? Elrenia can say no if she doesn't _want_ to."

"I…" Well, it wasn't that she didn't _want_ to. "I… wouldn't want to be in the… in the way, you know?"

"There's no such thing as in the way," Nasor assured her with a smile. "If we can ever steal you for a trip, I'd be happy to teach you." And just like that she was part of the group, and Alana was moving elsewhere, leaving her with the men.

For once her nerves didn't seize her though. She stayed and spoke easily to the men, Nasor leaving the group and being replaced by another cousin of Z'den's. An uncle. An aunt. The only constant was Zafer, who kept her from being overwhelmed… until the children begging for her voice called Alana into focus.

"Sing!" the children called out, the request echoed not long after by the adults. "Alana, sing!"

So she did. Settling into a seat with ease, the woman made herself comfortable before opening her mouth and letting out the lyrics, "By the Golden Egg of Faranth…"

Elrenia couldn't help but smile at the soft ting of Alana's voice as she started singing, amazed that something so delicate could come from a young woman made of such fire. Every feature softened as she sang, grinning when the children and many of the many cousins, and aunts, and uncles started singing along with her. This was family. This was love. This was wonderful to see, but the brunette couldn't bear to watch a moment longer. She moved as quietly and carefully as possible, slipping around the long table to escape the dining hall. Escape the Hold entirely. She stepped carefully through the weaving hall, and out into the darkness. The air outside was cold, almost burning the skin of her arms through her tunic as she crossed them, but it was better than the stifling of… of everything.

Sinking to the ground not a few feet to the side of the entrance to the hall, she took a shuddering breath and bit her lip viciously. Alana could have been her sister. She was the proper height, the proper build, the… _Her voice!_ Uncrossing her arms, Elrenia shoved her hands viciously into her hair, letting out a keening whine as she dug her nails into the scalp. She'd done so well. Worked so hard, and been heavily rewarded for her efforts to keep calm. Even when she couldn't, she wasn't looked down upon. She was getting _help_ at last. Her careful behavior had her in the good graces of Z'den's family, gained a sort of admiration from the children… and she was ruining it. _I cannot cry! _But she couldn't help it. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop herself.

The crowd was what had bothered her initially. The entire family was collected, much like her own had been. They were all there, doing their own jobs, teasing, and helping, and bothering each other. Love flowed from them to one another without hesitation, and she would never have that again. Her youngest cousin would never tease her about finding a man again. Her sister would never sing the children to sleep…

But it was getting tiring. Everything set her off, it seemed. Every little thing made her want to cry, and she was _tired_ of it. What's more, there was no explanation for it. A month or two should have been enough time for her to get over things. The wounds were healed, they were working toward solving the problem. She should have been okay, but she wasn't.

Was she ever going to be okay? It didn't seem that way, even as cool hands settled on her shoulders and pulled her close. The stars were bright in the sky, constant. They moved in their patterns, and she moved in hers. Okay one minute, sobbing like some child the next.

"What's wrong, sweetling?" Elrenia was startled to _not_ hear Z'den's voice.

Zafer owned the eyes that she turned and stared into. They looked so much alike, he and Z'den. They had the same hair, the same eyes, the same jaws, and vastly different dispositions. Zafer offered smiles and comfort far more easily than Z'den did, and Elrenia fell into his arms that much quicker. His arms were just as strong when they wrapped around her, and his tone was far more concerned than any that Z'den ever managed.

"Elrenia, dear, what's the matter?"

"Alana…"

"What of her?" he asked, voice ever so gentle. "Did she do something that bothered you?"

"She's like my sister."

Somehow the man understood, and petted her hair gently as she spoke to him. He made it so easy to express how much she missed her sister, her brother, her family. Exhausted, she told him that her body still hurt sometimes. She could feel Ronomer on her, and she could hear the children screaming, and she was running out of ways to handle it. Listening without interruption, without casting even the vaguest sort of judgment, Zafer heard in one take a story that took weeks for Z'den to wheedle out of her, but he didn't take it any better than the brown rider did.

"By the Egg," he murmured, hugging the girl tightly for a moment before pushing her away, crouching down to establish eye contact. "Tell me Z'den knows all of this."

"He does," she whispered, sniffling when the man raised a hand to wipe tears from her face. "He knows. They all know."

"And surely they're doing something to fix this? To bring this man to justice."

"They're trying, yes. But…"

"But?"

"I'm afraid."

"Of what, sweetling?" he asked, voice even gentler than before. "You're safer than anyone on all of Pern has ever been. You have my _cousin_ looking after you. He'd cut off a limb to save one of his own."

"I'm not one of his—"

"You _are_, Elrenia. If you've ever believed anything, believe this." Zafer's eyes glittered in the glow light as he spoke, cradling the woman's face. "You are one of his. Like Arlith, and H'val, and myself. And what's more, he'll always be there for you, whether you want him or not. You'll hate him twice as much as you love him, and appreciate him all the more for it. I should know."

"I—"

"Zafer?" Z'den's voice called from the doorway. "Elrenia? What are the two of you doing here?" He spoke softly, but there was a very clear worry present. Being around his family softened the man's rough exterior, opening his heart in a way the brunette had yet to experience.

Taking one look at the open expression on her brown rider's face, Elrenia turned and tried to walk away from the two. She couldn't do this. She couldn't just drag these wonderful men into her problems—certainly no further than she already had. The last thing she wanted was to hurt them, but that was inevitable. They _would_ be hurt by her problems. For all she knew Ronomer would go after Z'den's family. And H'val's. And everyone else he could try to destroy before she finally gave up. Not everyone was Weyrbred. Not everyone had everything they needed in complete and total safety. She couldn't do that to them.

So she walked, and soon her feet started moving even quicker. Running. She was running toward the darkness just as arms reached, and wrapped around, and pulled her close. Restraining her. It was always Z'den that was restraining her, holding her back, keeping her from escaping. As it turned out, Zafer was right—she was going to hate Z'den twice as much as she loved him.

"Let me go!" she shouted the words, realized abruptly that the people in the house could probably hear her shout, and lowered her voice. "Z'den, let me go."

"No."

"_Release me_!"

"It's cold," he murmured, pulling her even closer. "There's no one else around. You can't _go_ anywhere on foot from here."

"Yes I can!"

"You'll _die_!"

"I should have died!" the words came out on a wail as Elrenia tried desperately to curl around herself. Z'den would have none of it, though, and adjusted his grip around her waist before she could hide. "I should have! I should have _died_!"

"Calm down," the man tried to soothe her with his softest tone, but she ripped herself out of his arms, sobbing even louder.

"He should have killed me!"

"Elrenia," he murmured, pulling her once more into his arms. She was absolutely frantic, inconsolable. Terrified, and angry, and hurt all at once. Thinking back, he'd only seen her act this way once—when they first met. It had been so long since she'd come down with a fever, and needed to be cared for so cautiously for over a sevenday. "Elrenia, please calm down."

"I'd be better off dead!"

"Elrenia!"

At his shout, she let out a high pitched keen, curling into his arms. "Why didn't he just kill me? I want to die. I want to be dead."

"No you don't."

"I do!"

"You _don't_!"

"Why not?" she demanded almost angrily, staring up at him through tear blurred eyes. "Why not? I miss my family! I'd be better off! Everyone would be better off!"

"I wouldn't be."

"You _would_ be!"

"I would _not_! Elrenia, you make me better."

"What?"

"You make me better. You… make me less angry. You… I _wouldn't_ be better off without you."

"Why?"

"Because I wouldn't have you here with me," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her hair. "How could I possibly be better off without you here with me? Don't you see how wonderful you are?"

"I'm _tainted_!"

"You're pure."

"I'm ruined!"

"You're perfect."

"I want to die!"

"I couldn't live without you. You're part of my life now, Elrenia, and I want you to stay."

The words sent warmth through her body, but she couldn't take it. She couldn't handle his arguing with her. She couldn't take him knowing and disagreeing with what her heart insisted. "Please, just… don't talk to me. I… I can't…"

"Elrenia—"

"Please!"

A moment of silence. "As you wish." But he didn't release her. He pulled her unresisting body back to the walls of the Hold, and rested pleading eyes on his cousin. There was a brief, silent conversation held between the men, and Zafer left only as long as it took for him to fetch a heavy blanket from the Hold.

However he didn't leave them for good, even after he spread the blanket over the two of them. Instead he lifted one corner of the heavy fabric, and slipped under it against Elrenia's other side. Having neither the heart nor the energy to move away from the man, the girl let out a shuddering little breath and just let him be there.

The silence was soothing even as it suffocated, Z'den carefully massaging her side as Zafer located and held her hand under the blanket. Neither man said a word as the young woman composed herself. But they stayed, and that seemed to help.

As the silence extended further, becoming almost frightening in its infinity, Zafer's voice rang out with the quiet words, "You can be part of our family."

"Z-Zafer?"

"There's always room for one more here," he promised, squeezing her hand gently, and was rewarded when she squeezed back. "You're clearly already part of Z'den's private little family. Why not be part of our family too?"

The offer was touching, if nothing else, and she stared at the man as she tried to discern his honestly. His eyes were earnest, staring into her own. One hand, with all the care in the world, rose to touch her cheek as he murmured, "I never had a little sister." One little, shattered piece of her heart, lying helplessly in a pool of its own blood shifted back into place then. And Elrenia stopped being alone.

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_**Brownie points to leavesfallingup for catching an error in my timeline.**_

_**It HAS, in fact, been longer than a month since Elrenia arrived at the Weyr by now.**_


	41. Chapter 40

**Its Eyes Were Jewels  
****Chapter 40**

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**__****As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.**

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"I'm glad Z'den brought you here," Zafer murmured into Elrenia's hair, kissing the top of her head after she bundled up for the short trip back to Benden. She'd already said most of her goodbyes, put Jasara to bed at the child's request, and made promises to return someday. But Zafer was the one that walked them back to Arlith, refusing to let them leave just yet. "And I'll keep an eye out for your brother. I've got business in Fort, so maybe my connections can find him."

"That would be great, Zafer."

"You're special, Elrenia." It was that simple. So simple. "And if you want me to be your big brother, I would be proud to call you my little sister."

"That… sounds great too."

Heart a little more whole, Elrenia let the man help her onto Arlith's back, and waited patiently while the two men embraced again. They clearly had a brief conversation, but she didn't ask as Z'den vaulted up and settled down behind her, asking, "Ready to go home?"

"Yeah." Home. The Weyr could definitely be her home, she decided.

Home was where the heart was right? Home was a place that she was able to feel safe and welcome, and the Weyr was definitely one of those places. Except… so was Z'den's family Hold.

Home was Z'den wrapping one arm carefully around her waist and telling her to hold on tight, they'd be there in just a moment.

Home was slipping off of Arlith once they landed on her ledge, and allowing Z'den to follow her into her room.

Home was wrapping her arms around his shoulders when he moved to leave, and murmuring, "Thank you." Meaning it more than she remembered meaning anything else, ever, in her entire life before that moment.

Obviously startled by the sudden embrace, it took the man a moment to remember that a hug was only complete when both people had their arms wrapped around each other. But after the moment of surprise faded, big arms curled around the girl, pulling her close. Holding her tightly. Maybe, just maybe, she felt him smile into her hair, and he asked, "For what?"

"For everything." And by the first egg, she meant it. "You've done so much for me since I got here, and I… I don't thank you enough. I can't thank you enough."

"Elrenia—"

"No, Z'den, I'm serious," she insisted, leaning away but keeping her arms around him. Her eyes searched his face for something, even she wasn't sure what exactly, but they didn't stop looking until she found smile growing of its own volition. "I… don't have the words."

"You don't need them." Cool lips pressed against her forehead as Z'den pulled away from her, grinning gently right back. He opened his mouth, seemed as though he was about to speak, and then shook his head.

"Z'den?"

"It's nothing."

"But—"

"I promise." Leaning in, he kissed her again. Lingering a few seconds longer than he probably should have. "Get some sleep."

"I will."

And she did. She slept well and long, waking when Sayath pushed into her mind and asked if she was okay. Mirah wanted to know why she wasn't at breakfast. Breakfast. Breakfast was easy, and lessons were easy, and dealing with the children was easy…

If ever she'd doubted that a single person could change her life, her perception of the world, those doubts were now wiped from her mind. She could do this. She could do anything. _Anything_. A thought that solidified more and more as the eggs hardened on the sands, and little dragon hearts beat so strongly, and everyone knew the hatching was imminent. Any day the eggs would start to crack, and a group of new Dragonriders would be born.

_Hopefully_, she couldn't help thinking, _I'll be among them_. But no matter how often Koth reassured her that she would definitely Impress, she wasn't so sure. Not that she wouldn't get a dragon ever, because she liked to think that everyone had a dragon meant just for them. It was just that their times didn't happen to coincide. And maybe... what if... what if her time...

Part of her was so very scared that it wasn't her time, even though she wanted it to be more than just about anything. She wanted to walk onto the sands, and have a dragonet race into her arms. The more she thought about it, the more it felt like a giant piece of herself was missing, but maybe she was just convincing herself that she felt that way. As though it would make Impression more likely.

If it wasn't her time, she knew what would happen. The first thing she'd do is travel to see Lord Raid with Lessa and Master Robinton. Then, if all went well there, she'd go to locate her older brother.

No longer being stuck in an odd sort of _between_ was relieving, because Elrenia liked knowing what she was doing with herself. There was an intrinsic need to have a purpose, and whether she Impressed or not, she had that. She had a job she could return to whenever she wanted at the Weyr. Family to find. A new family to visit if she ever wanted to. But, hopefully, she could have all of that and one of the eggs, waiting patiently to burst to life.

"Any day now," became the phrase of the moment as some of the Weyrfolk started placing bets on what day the first egg would finally crack. Elrenia refused to participate, but laughed at the increasingly emphatic arguments.

"It has to be the end of this week!" one man insisted, slamming a fist on the table. "You can see the mottled bits starting to get darker. They _always _get darker right before they hatch!"

"But you can't even feel any movement—"

"As though Ramoth would let you _anywhere_ near her precious eggs to check right now."

"Oh, if I wanted…"

Laughing, Elrenia left the cavern, taking a deep breath of cool air. There were still perfunctory classes going on, but none of it was new to her at this point. She knew everything she could learn just by listening, and needed a dragon to actually put it to use. Rather, she needed her _own_ dragon. Because bathing, and oiling, and helping some of the riders with their own jobs was all well and good, but she knew full well that it wasn't exactly the same.

"Over prepared," F'nor laughed at her once, after she asked if he needed help oiling Canth. Maybe he was right. Maybe she _was_ over prepared. Psyching herself out before she even got a chance to experience the wonder of being one with another living creature.

Still, "There's no such thing as over prepared," Z'den assured her time and again, doing his fair share of instructing when he realized how sincerely thirsty for knowledge the girl was.

Lessons came and went with her interests. Because once she learned that the man was willing to help her with whatever she needed help with she actually started asking questions. It started with mundane things, like further instruction about maps. Moved onto more complicated math. Construction. Weaving, though he was far shier about that, likely because of his familial connection with it, than just about anything else she'd asked about.

It was a daily routine, going to Z'den after breakfast so he could teach her something new. Familiar, and comforting on bad days. Fun and interesting on good ones. Z'den didn't handle her any differently, though he finally knew the gory details of her story, and she appreciated that greatly. It was the oddest thing to have some people stare at her with sad eyes whenever she smiled at them in the bowl. Nice but… distressing to have them treat her special for no reason other than the fact that she'd been through something awful.

Frustration was something she needed to learn how to hide quickly, because she knew they were just trying to be considerate. She should have been grateful, instead of wanting to rip her hair out every time someone touched her hand and sighed. As though they knew and sympathized.

By the egg, she hated the sympathy. She didn't need it, hadn't in the entire time she was at the Weyr. But suddenly…

Z'den was waiting for her, and she was going to distract herself with his knowledge. Except as she made her way up to his weyr, smile on her face and questions on her lips, she knew that something was wrong the moment she caught sight of him.

He was kneeling beside a chest at the foot of his bed, tossing articles of clothing into a bag, reading an unfolded letter with narrow eyes. The set of his shoulders made her want to run away almost as much as it made her want to hug him, so she found herself hovering awkwardly by the door. Unsure of what exactly she was supposed to do in this situation. New but not frightening. Yet.

"Z'den?"

He must not have heard her, because he failed to respond to her. And while that wasn't entirely unlike him, she got close enough to touch his shoulder before he finally looked at her, startled. A look flashed through his eyes briefly, one that she couldn't identify, and he asked, "What?"

"I… my lessons…"

"Not today, Elrenia. I'm sorry. Go to F'nor with your questions, he'll help you."

"But—"

"Not now." The man was rising to his feet, taking his bag in one hand and the letter in the other. "I need to go," Z'den muttered, crumpling the parchment in one fist as he made his way out of his weyr.

Normally Elrenia would have allowed him to go, but couldn't. Simply couldn't. Something about his manner disturbed her enough to actually _pursue_ him all the way down the stairs and out into the bowl when he was in one of his moods, quite the feat for her. She wished that H'val was there to support her, as he seemed to be able to handle the temperamental brown rider better than anyone else could. He always knew exactly what to say to get to the heart of the matter quickly. He knew exactly what to do in order to defuse the man when he was angry. He always _knew_. But he wasn't there, and so she was flying solo.

_I can do this_, she told herself firmly, jogging to catch up with the man before he could reach Arlith across the bowl. "Z'den!"

"Not now, Elrenia."

"Yes now," she insisted. "You're upset—"

"I'm fine."

"Liar." It took all of her self control _not_ to jump and apologize when Z'den turned on her, marching back to stare down at her like she'd just insulted his mother, but she managed. Somehow she didn't immediately burst into terrified babbling. Somehow she didn't panic. She simply crossed her arms and looked right into his eyes, repeating, "Liar."

"Watch it, Elrenia."

"You're upset!" she insisted. "You don't get like this very often, and when you do, it's usually for a good reason." Her words didn't seem to soften the man at all. Instead he glared even harder, clenching both of his hands into fists as though he was contemplating hitting her. Again. "So how about you suck up your silly little man pride, and tell me what's wrong for once."

"Nothing is wrong," he growled. "Now go back inside, and… and do something."

"But you're upset!"

"No I'm not!"

"I thought we moved past this!"

Frustrated, the girl kicked the ground, staring off to the side to prevent herself from doing something drastic, like hitting him across the face the way she wanted to. She didn't understand why he never wanted to discuss things with her. _He hates talking about himself, _the logical part of her mind explained_. He hates talking about himself, so make it about you. _

"Are you really going to risk missing the hatching, Z'den?" she asked, slumping her shoulders forward as she shifted her gaze to his feet, hoping that if she managed to look pitiful enough he'd let her in. "I… really want you there."

That did it. That was the final straw. Z'den threw his hands up into the arm and shouted. Loudly. He shouted, and dropped his hands into his hair tugging sharply before grunting, "I'll be there." That didn't tell him where or why he was going. "Now go away."

"Z'den—"

"Away!"

"Z'den, please—"

"Go!"

He was climbing on Arlith's neck before she could say another word, and they were in the air and blinking _between _before she even recognized the fact that she honestly felt betrayed. They spent so much time together. He knew so much about her, taught her so very many things. But he didn't trust her. _Why should he? I'm nothing special._ Truthfully, she wanted to cry, but instead she rolled her shoulders back and made her way back into the caverns.

However she was stayed by an odd squawk, a noise that she'd never heard come from a dragon before that got her undivided attention. She could hear Ramoth bugle suddenly from near the hatching sands, and immediately four dragons took to wing. Three bronzes – Mnementh among them, and F'nor's brown Canth were all moving to support the screaming dragon caught in freefall. There were at least a hundred people standing in the bowl, there in preparation of the imminent hatching, and they all found themselves staring at the sky in horror. No one moved a muscle, knowing there was nothing they could do for the beast or rider until they'd safely landed, no matter how much they wished it wasn't so.

Suddenly one of the riders of the mysterious bronzes in the air shouted, "It's Arlith!" The announcement started an array of movement. One person, a green rider, mounted his beast while shouting something about Fort Weyr needing notification. Several others rushed forward, heading toward the caverns, sands, and infirmary shouting that they'd look for Brekke. No one wanted to inform Lessa. _As though she doesn't already know._

Before Elrenia was completely sure what was happening, Koth was landing just a few feet from her, shouting, _Come small one! _loudly in her mind. She didn't even know he was in the area, but she was already stepping up the offered foreleg into H'val's capable grip before she had any idea what was going on, or where she was being taken.

"You called Koth?" H'val asked as he gripped the girl tightly to his chest, worried that the violent backwinging would throw her about without any straps to keep her in place.

"No!" Elrenia had to shout over the bugling, suddenly mixing oddly with a humming rumble she could feel deep in her chest. "I didn't call for _anyone_! What's going on?"

"Z'den and Arlith are badly threadscored!" he explained, drawing an explosive gasp from his passenger.

"But he just left!" she cried out, whipping her head back to stare at the distant beasts in the sky. "There… there's no thread in the area!"

"I don't know what happened," he said. "Arlith's wing…" He couldn't finish the thought, shouting angrily at the sky as they landed on a high ridge, Koth flying to get out of the way the moment H'val and Elrenia were on their feet.

From so high up Elrenia could barely make out Arlith's tattered wing fluttering in the air as the bodies of the bronzes and brown supported him. Every few moments he would cry out in pain and buck himself from whichever dragon was under him, only to be caught by another. She couldn't help but stare in horror when Canth finally settled him on the ridge, F'nor rushing up the last steps, out of breath, to unstrap Z'den from the thrashing creature to help him slide to the ground before cursing.

"Get Oldive!" he screamed, his voice cracking as he tore out of his riding jacket and pulled off his tunic in the brisk cold to press the cloth to Z'den's bleeding throat. "Before it's too late!"

To hear such words spoken shocked H'val still, even as Koth reappeared near instantly to pick him up and disappear. F'lar, having been picked up on Mnementh as soon as Arlith was settled, arrived and moved quickly over to his half brother, another bronze rider at his side preparing to lift and relocate the wounded brown rider. Arlith cried out as Z'den was carried away, his eyes swirling a yellowed gray that terrified Elrenia almost as much as his frantic thrashing did.

She watched as he pushed himself to his feet, seeming to move over to the ledge though she couldn't figure out why immediately. There was no way he would have been able to fly _anywhere_. Not with his wing seared to shreds. It was right as he let out a pitiful keen that she realized he aimed to jump. Plunge from the ridge so that he could blink _between_ forever, and without a single thought for her own wellbeing she rushed forward to wrap her arms around his snout, shouting, "No!"

Bucking to get the girl off of him, Arlith let out a bugle of agony, trying so hard to just relieve himself of the pain, but Elrenia would have none of it. She wrapped her fingers around either of her wrists, locking them in place around the giant beast, the way Z'den taught her to have a firm grip. She never would have thought she'd end up using it on a dragon. But she needed to. She couldn't let him die. And surely he wouldn't suicide with her on his neck. Surely he wouldn't kill himself just for the pain! He couldn't. He _wouldn't_.

She wouldn't let him.

"You can't!"

Crying out in pain, Arlith tried once more to buck the girl off of him, but Elrenia refused to release him. "Don't!" she screamed the word as loudly as she could, burying her face firmly in his ashen skin. "Don't you _dare_ do this!" Trying to imagine a world without the brown staring at her sardonically, trying to imagine Z'den without his beloved… "I won't let you!" One violent thrash stole Elrenia's breath, and she let out a cough on a desperate sob. _You can't go, Arlith, _she willed her voice into his mind, not for the first time hoping against all possibilities that he was listening to her. _What will any of us do without you? What will Z'den do? _"Z'den can't live without you!"

Stilling suddenly, the brown settled with a sort of groan, letting out a strange rumble for a few seconds before letting out a heavy breath. The rumble he'd been trying to do was echoed all around the bowl, and grasped her attention for a moment before his snout rested on her shoulder. Though the weight of it took her to the ground, Elrenia was happy to have it there. It meant that, for the moment, she won. Arlith would not jump. He would not go _between_ forever. Both he and Z'den would have a fighting chance, and this made the girl sob even harder.

"Move!" a gruff voice called out urgently. "Elrenia, get out of the way! We need to get to him!"

"I want to help!" she sobbed feebly, hugging the dragon even tighter as the man reached out to forcibly remove her from his neck. "I want to help!"

"No!"

"She can help," Brekke's voice calmly broke through the haze of panic and despair. "She needs to."

"Fine!" the man shouted, obviously in no mood to argue. "_Shards_, move her out of the way, though! I need to get to his face!"

"Elrenia, come here dear."

"Elrenia!" came the voice of a bronze rider, running up the stairs as quickly as his feet would take him. "You have to come! They're starting to Hatch!"

"I don't care!" she didn't even think. The words were spoken, and she was moving to follow Brekke to Arlith's tattered wing.

"Elrenia!" the man groaned, moving to grab her and drag her down to the sands if he needed to. "You're a candidate—"

"I don't care! I don't care about the Hatching! I care about Arlith!"

"But—"

"Either help us or go!" Brekke ordered, gripping Elrenia's shoulder tightly to show her support of the decision. "We need to save him!"

It barely took the man a second to consider, incline his head, and take a step forward. "What do you need?"

"Gauze," Brekke murmured. "A lot of it."

"I'm on it."

Leaving the ladies and the healer alone, the man rushed off to get the requested supplies. There was already gauze, large strips of it, available at the sight, but not nearly enough to deal with the severity of the brown dragon's wounds.

"Okay, Elrenia." No response. "Elrenia?" Still nothing, the girl couldn't peel her eyes from the pained beast. "Elrenia!" So very rare it was that Brekke actually _yelled_ at a person, the brunette couldn't help but take notice. "Okay, better. Listen to me." Cool hands cupped the girl's hot cheeks, on fire with tears. "Look at me. I need you to take a deep breath, and wipe your eyes. You need to pay _very_ close attention, and do exactly as I say. Do you understand?"

"Y-yes, Brekke," the girl assured, raising her hands to wipe her eyes. "What do I do?"

"You're going to be handing me the strips of gauze, okay? We need to be fast, but we need to be careful."

"I understand."

"But first…" Uncorking a jar, Brekke released the all too familiar scent of numbweed. "Lather it all over the joints, like this." The fashion with which the woman covered the beast's wing almost seemed careless.

The numbweed got absolutely everywhere, but that was the least of the brunette's worries. She slathered like she'd never had to scrub a mess from a floor before. Fingers started to grow numb before Brekke deemed the job adequate, and large sheets of fabric had been dragged up from the depths of the caverns.

"Hold this up," Brekke ordered, and Elrenia did so without question. Flinching only when the woman took a limp, tattered piece of wing sail to splay carefully on the fabric.

"W-why are you—"

"If we're lucky it will heal itself. With enough care, Arlith will be able to fly again. But not for a long while."

The thought that Arlith may be kept out of the sky hadn't even occurred to Elrenia, and she swallowed heavily at the thought. By the egg, grounded dragons were miserable, she'd only ever met one. Sure, there were dragons too old, too weak, too wounded to fly thread, but they could still get off of the ground. If the beautiful brown leaning his head against the back of her knees couldn't…

"It'll be okay boy," she promised. "We'll fix you up. You'll be okay."

_Z'den…_ a voice pushed into her mind, a deep rumble, like water over pebbles, and Elrenia had to take a deep breath. The voice was so like Z'den's that it was almost eerie, but…

"Arlith?"

_Z'den…_

"Reassure him," Brekke murmured, glancing up briefly at her. "Just… talk to him. Tell him everything will be all right."

"But I… I don't talk—"

"He's listening to you. _Talk_ to him! Reassure him, Elrenia. You have to."

It took a moment, but she nodded her head. "D'you hear that boy?" she asked, wanting to reach around and cradle the beasts head, stroke his eye ridges, but Brekke needed her to handle the cloth. "Brekke says you'll be all right. Z'den will be all right. Brekke's never wrong, you know that."

_Z'den_…

"H'val is getting Oldive right now. If anyone can fix Z'den, it's him. I… what… what happened?"

_Fire._

"Fire?" That didn't make any sense. These were threadscores. She knew threadscores. "Arlith, what…"

_It burned like fire. Z'den…_

_Koth?_ She thought the name as loudly as she could, praying the creature would hear her. _Is Oldive here yet?_

_Yes_. Bright blue blinked into the sky right above them, and Koth was landing dangerously close to the edge of the ledge they were standing on so he could reach out and press his head against an uninjured portion of Arlith's side. _He is here. Z'den will be okay._

"See Arlith?"

_Z'den…_

"Do you want me to check on—"

_Stay_.

So she stayed.

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_**Long time no read, guys. I hope some of you are still there and interested in the story. My semester's calmed down quite a bit since January and I'm hoping this chapter represents the end of my hiatus. Also, you guys probably hate me for making her miss another hatching, but she wasn't ready D: I couldn't just force her into it!**_

_**Kudos to ImperialGirl for catching an error.**_


	42. Chapter 41

**Its Eyes Were Jewels  
****Chapter 41**

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**_As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being._**

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It was a long, tense process, setting the wing sail. The pieces of flesh needed to be placed _exactly_ right, or it would heal mangled… if it healed at all, a worry that Elrenia only dared think in the deepest part of her mind. Arlith couldn't know that she wasn't completely positive he'd recover. The brown needed her support, and if there was the slightest chance that he was still listening to her, she wasn't going to risk upsetting him.

More than once during the process he tried to buck them away, keening weakly. Pained. Fearful, not for himself. Never for himself. Dragons were the most selfless creatures Elrenia ever had the pleasure of coming across, and the way that the brown kept crying for his rider broke her heart as deeply as it touched her. Arlith didn't care about himself, he just wanted Z'den to be better. That was okay, though, because the big beast had a group looking out for him and only him.

The wing wasn't the only injury he sustained, though it was the worst by far. A long, jagged set of scores wrapped halfway around his neck, breaking off and continuing only once. The break in the mark happened to be in the shape of Z'den's neck, a realization that almost made the brunette burst into tears all over again when she first saw it. The brown rider must have been clinging to his dragon when that happened. Holding on tight. Frightened, probably more for the beast than for himself. They were so alike, the two of them. Even their voices… and she cherished the way the brown's gruff tones tickled the edges of her mind. She urged him to continue speaking, asking questions that didn't actually mean anything once she had his attention. She refused to let him go as they set his wing, and cared for his throat, and searched him for further wounds. A large bit of flesh had been burned from Arlith's right side, but that was the shallowest of wounds. It would heal quickly, and nicely the physician assured her.

Unlike Z'den.

It was well past sundown that day, the hatching came and went, the cold swooped in from the skies and snow started to fall before Elrenia was finally pulled away from Arlith. She fought it. Punched F'nor in the center of his chest with all of her strength, and some of Arlith's, and told him to get his twice damned hands off of her if he wanted to keep them. But he dragged her inside out of the cold anyway.

"You need to stop," he murmured, brushing cold hair out of her face. "They're building an awning over him to keep the snow away until we can figure out how move him."

"I need to stay—"

"You'll get sick out there," he said. "We're taking shifts watching him. You were just on. H'val's turn is next, then mine, then N'ken's. and N'mon, and everyone. We're all taking shifts. You need to warm up, and eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"The grumbling from your stomach says otherwise."

"F'nor…"

"Hush," his voice was so gentle, and he was looking at her with eyes he usually reserved for Brekke and his brother alone. Kind. Understanding. Downright loving.

His expression wrapped her in a tender embrace, held her safe and sound until she was able to calm her breathing on her own. Hands smoothed over her hair and shoulders, held her even more tightly than his eyes, but in the end she had to shake her head. She couldn't just walk away from this. Her comfort wouldn't help either of her wounded boys, and… by the _Egg_.

Why? Why had this happened? The fact that she'd missed the hatching still hadn't sunk in, because it didn't matter. For all she knew, her trembling, nervous hands were what kept Arlith alive. Kept Z'den alive indirectly, because without his dragon he wouldn't…

"Stop it," the words were firm, the tone pleading as big hands cupped Elrenia's face, forcing her to look up into the wingsecond's eyes. "Whatever you're thinking, stop it."

Before she could stop herself, Elrenia practically sobbed, "He's going to die."

"No."

"F'nor—"

"No! Listen to me, okay?" It was phrased like a request, but the man's eyes belied that. "Arlith is going to pull through. Do you understand me?"

"F'nor—"

"No!" Shaking the girl just slightly, F'nor leaned forward just enough to rest her forehead against hers. "You _listen_ to me, Elrenia! _Listen_!"

"F'nor—"

"_Arlith will not die_!" A whispered shout, fierce as fire. "He _will not_, because we won't let him. Do you understand me?"

"I…"

"_Do you understand me?"_

"Yes," a barely audible murmur, and lips quivered with the force of the tears in her eyes.

"Do you understand me?" F'nor asked again, less fiercely. The words lingered like a plea, one that Elrenia couldn't ignore, and when she nodded her head in response this time, he barely whispered, "Do you?"

"I do."

"Good," the word almost sounded like a promise when the pulled back to take a deep breath before looking back into her eyes. "You can't kill yourself over this," he spoke as firmly as ever, but his eyes… his eyes betrayed him. His eyes told her that he was just as scared as she was, and the only difference between them was faith. "You need to take care of yourself in order to take care of him."

"Okay," she agreed with a nod. "And… and Z'den?" the words trembled as badly as her hands did, reaching up to grab the fingers pressing against her face. The man's warmth was almost overwhelming, telling her exactly how cold she really was. "What about Z'den?" No answer. A brief averting of the man's eyes, and she felt fear curl deep within her stomach, making her feel distinctly ill. "F'nor?" The man couldn't even look at her. "F'nor? What about Z'den?"

"He's… in bad shape."

"How bad?"

"Oldive is still working on him."

"By the egg."

"The thread…" the words stuck in his throat like a living thing, reaching out with both hands to hold onto his vocal chords, constricting. It took a moment for the man to clear his throat and continue saying, "It got pretty deep. It… there was so much blood." F'nor, big and strong though he was, shuddered at the ghastly memory of Z'den, his friend, laying there, bleeding to death while he could do nothing but watch. It was going to be burned into his mind's eye forever.

They'd all been completely helpless until Oldive arrived, and H'val had gotten him there suspiciously fast. Even Elrenia suspected that he timed it, and she was almost grateful that he did. At any other time she would have scolded him to the red star and back, but… but she… a choked noise escaped her throat, and F'nor pulled her tightly to his chest, kissing the top of her head in a distinctly _Z'den_ manner. A hand ran delicately down her spine, and she shuddered.

"He'll be fine," the man assured her, but his voice was weak, as though he didn't believe his own words. "Elrenia, I promise—"

"I want to see him."

"You can't."

"But I—"

"Elrenia, please." The man moved back, leaning down slightly to make direct eye contact with the woman. "If I could bring you in there I would. I _would_. If anyone's presence would be good for him right now, it's yours. But… but Oldive needs peace and quiet right now. He needs to be alone with his assistant. He needs time to work." A slow, deep breath warned Elrenia that the man was struggling with whatever he was going to say next, and she understood when he finally muttered, "I don't want you to get in the way."

For a moment the brunette was truly insulted. Because how dare he say that she'd only get in the way? Firstly, she knew more about wounds than most of the other female candidates—_I'm no longer a candidate—_but most importantly she followed directions! She followed them well! She hardly ever froze up, and when she did a quick word snapped her out of it. A moment, and a deep breath had the girl reluctantly admitting that the brown rider was probably right regardless of her better qualities.

The truth was that she _would_ only get in the way, because she was a mess. The tears came periodically and without warning. She shook and shuddered from the cold, from exertion, from bone deep exhaustion. From an agony so deep in her gut that she couldn't tell what exactly it meant. It was the pain that came with the fire soaring high above Levic. Pain that transformed into agony when she realized that the bodies of the only family she'd ever known were being consumed by those flames. This was not a pain that should have been repeated, ever. Not when, for all she knew, what was left of her family was safe in Fort.

No. That was incorrect. Part of her family was dying under Oldive's caring hands, and there was nothing she could do about it. She had every reason to feel that pain again, and the realization had her composure snapping like a twig. Her eyes brightened with fresh tears seconds before a sob bubbled up her throat, breaking her composure even further as the force of her heaving chest sent several tears cascading from beneath her eyelids.

There _was_ no way she could help Oldive, no way she could keep her cool, so it was probably best that she keep away until everything was okay again. _But what if it's never okay again? _a pitiful voice in the back of her mind keened, shrieking at her most desperately. What if, by failing to get into that room, she'd never see Z'den alive again? The thought had her hands clenching into fists at her side as the brown rider's hand fell from her face to pull her close to his chest again.

Letting out a surprisingly soothing noise, F'nor rested his chin against Elrenia's shoulder, stooping slightly to do so. It would never be said that the man released a few tears of his own as they stood there, trying to come to terms with the gravity of the situation.

Z'den, whom they both loved like family, was horribly injured. What was worse, there was nothing either of them could do to help him. His death would not be a result of their inaction, it couldn't be, but it would feel like it. It felt like that already, and he wasn't dead yet. If only Elrenia had not let him go. If only F'nor had sensed there was trouble and helped. If only both of them could go back in time—

"Stop it," the man whispered, squeezing the girl tightly once more before holding her at arms length. "Stop crying."

"Okay." Nodding her head to support the word, Elrenia raised a hand to wipe her eyes. "Okay, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

"Okay."

"And don't feel bad."

"Okay." A moment later, "You too."

"Huh?"

"This isn't your fault. This… shards… this isn't _anyone's_ fault. I… I asked him not to go. F'nor? F'nor, where did he go?"

"I don't know."

"I need to know. Why… why did he go? Why did this happen?"

"I don't know," the man repeated a bit weakly, shaking his head. "But I'm going to find out."

A look was shared for a long moment before Elrenia nodded her head and leaned forward to hug F'nor again. "Thank you. Okay."

"You don't have to thank me, flitterby," the man smiled. "Go get something to eat. You look like you're going to pass out."

"I'm just cold."

"Do you need me to walk you down?"

"No," she shook her head carefully, flexing her hands. "I can handle myself. You… Brekke is still out there. Go take care of your woman."

"I'll be sending her down to you."

"I'll make sure she eats."

That was enough for the both of them, and after exchanging one more look, Elrenia went straight for the nearest staircase, following it down to the bowels of the Weyr. It didn't take very long for the smells of a well prepared meal still heating in the kitchen to make her mouth water, but she couldn't force her legs to carry her there any faster. They wiggled and wobbled as she walked with one hand carefully braced against the wall. She didn't want to plummet to her death today.

No.

There was already too much heartbreak on what should have been an ultimately joyous occasion.

Walking into the lower cavern showed a single occupied table, Manora leaning in close to speak to a rather severe looking Mirah. Neither woman looked happy, but how could they? How could anyone be happy this day?

That wasn't fair, and Elrenia knew it. The new rider's shouldn't have to suffer for something that wasn't their fault, but still she hoped that the festivities had been at least a little subdued. Hoped there'd been a little respect. A little worry.

Soft brown eyes turned up that moment, seeming to sense her presence, and Mirah smiled softly. Something in her expression was strained, but she looked honestly pleased to see the girl when she said, "Hey, Elrenia."

"Hello," barely a word. It felt awkward on her tongue, but she didn't know how to fix it. Instead, she continued on, "Can I…" What? Could she sit? Could she eat? Could she finally stop feeling as though she'd single handedly murdered one of her friends?

"Oh, of course," and the young woman made the decision about the question for her, sliding over slightly, making even more room for her on the empty bench. "Sit. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." It was a lie that both women saw through in a second, and she sighed, running her hands through her hair. "I'm worried about the boys."

"Don't let Arlith hear you calling him that when he gets better," Mirah joked rather weakly, leaning her head on Elrenia's shoulder. "He'll never let you ride him again."

"He knows I think of him like that," Elrenia laughed just as weakly. "He's one of my boys, so's… so's Z'den."

"Oh, dear, don't cry."

"What if they don't get better?"

"Don't think that way."

"But—"

"Enough," Manora warned, pointing one finger at Elrenia. "We're going to stay confident that the both of them are going to recover just fine. You hear me?"

"Yes, Manora."

"Now, are you hungry? You haven't eaten since breakfast."

"Starved."

"I'll get you food," the older woman offered, rising from her seat. "But just this once. Don't you get used to me serving you or anything."

Laughing, genuinely now, she nodded her head. "Of course not."

Almost as soon as the older woman was gone, Elrenia was leaning heavily into Mirah's side, appreciative of the way the smaller girl wrapped an arm immediately around her shoulders. The feeling of someone close, someone loving, someone protective calmed her heart for the moment. Mirah had been there every step of the way for her, and it was this that soothed her when F'nor's efforts failed. The feeling of someone she loved like family pressed so close allowed her to think of something other than the man potentially bleeding to death up in his weyr. His weyr? Someone else's? Where had they taken the man anyway?

"Stop thinking," the girl ordered softly, squeezing her tightly, repeating F'nor's earlier sentiment. "Just for ten seconds, stop thinking. Don't think anything at all."

At first glance it seemed like an easy enough command to follow, but the moment she tried to do as she was told, she had to ask, "How do I _not_ think?"

"Just… clear your mind."

"How?"

"Clear your mind like you do when you wait for one of the dragons to talk to you," Mirah offered almost gently, running her hand soothingly up and down Elrenia's arm. "Open your mind like you're waiting for Koth's voice. Like you're listening to him. Just… relax."

Though the instruction sounded rather odd, Elrenia closed her eyes and did exactly as Mirah said. She concentrated on the part of her mind where the blue's voice would appear should he speak to her. Focused and concentrated until her own voice reminding her what to do faded far into the background. For one blissful moment there was absolute silence. Peace so deep in her mind that she could feel it in her heart, and then Manora was placing a steaming plate of food before her.

It was the most delicious meal she'd ever eaten.

Half way through the sound of footsteps drew her attention to the doorway, where Brekke stood, looking as exhausted as she felt. Without question Manora left to fetch another plate of food, and Elrenia patted the bench at her side. It was easy to slip into silence and eat for two servings and three cups of klah. But in the end curious blue grey eyes lifted and a startlingly calm voice asked, "Who Impressed?"

Brekke looked up curiously at the question, the lack of anger, or disappointment in Elrenia's voice surprising her. She should have been furious. Everyone had been sure that this was _her_ queen on the sands. It should have been. It _should_ have been her queen! But she seemed okay.

Almost too okay.

"Red," Manora offered up solemnly, picking out one of the girl's friends in hopes of softening the blow of some other girl getting the dragon she'd been hoping for. "Red and Palmer both. Bronze and brown respectively. And Red is _never_ going to let the poor boy live that down, by the way." Elrenia was certain Manora named every other new rider and their dragon, and made several up before she sputtered to a stop and looked away unsurely.

Manora. Unsure. Clearly the red star was about to crash into Pern with all the likelihood of _that_ actually happening. But when after another few moments the woman hadn't told her what she wanted to know, she realized she was going to have to ask, "And the queen?"

It was with a great sigh that Manora murmured, "I'm sorry, flitterby."

"Arlith needed me more," she spoke calmly, feeling the truth in those words down to the core of her being. "That dragon's life is far more important than me Impressing. His life will always be more important. Always. I'm not mad." A promise. "But… who's the lucky girl?"

"Jaione."

"I knew it," she grinned broadly, honestly. The girl deserved it with all of the progress she'd been making toward leadership. All she'd needed was someone to tell her that it was okay, and she took on a glow all her own. Now she had the Gold to back it up. "How'd Farraline take it?"

"Surprisingly well."

Laughter, then. Genuine, down from the pit of her stomach laughter, and Mirah found herself forced to join in. Brekke followed not long after, with Manora watching on with a smile and a shaking head. It was good to laugh at the end of a long, horrible day. Better to be interrupted by the clearing of a throat, and the Weyrleader's voice carrying over with the words, "Oldive's done."

Rising from her seat and taking off running so quickly that her cup of klah spilled across the table, Elrenia was out of the room in a flash. No apology left her lips for the mess, in fact she was unaware that she'd left one at all. All that mattered was getting to the weyr. Seeing Z'den. Making sure she hadn't lied to Arlith, because what would she do? What would she do if her promise that the man would be okay wasn't true? What would she say? Would the brown allow her to apologize before he jumped, or would she arrive at the ledge in time to do nothing more than watch him blink out of existence? Out of her life? Forever?

_You can't leave me!_ the words were thought so loudly she heard the unmistakable sound of Koth's bugle from across the bowl, right as she barreled into Z'den's weyr, practically crashing into the old healer as she did so.

"Calm down, child," the man soothed, surprisingly gentle in his manner as he raised his hands. She would have expected a scolding for the way she came in. For her rudeness. But all he did was pat her arm and shuffle toward the doors. "Have someone get me if he doesn't wake up in a few days, or if his fever worsens."

"Yes."

"Get some rest, child. F'nor told me you were out in the cold all day."

"Yes."

It was all she could say as footsteps sounded behind her, Brekke, but her eyes were trained on the man across the room from her. Unmoving on his bed. All she wanted was to walk forward and hug him, but her feet refused to move. Refused to carry her forward. She was stuck, frozen in place. Useless, again.

Unable to approach the man's pale body, Elrenia stayed by the door as Brekke moved forward, looking over the man's wounds. It wasn't that she didn't trust Oldive's work, because she _did_, she just needed to do something. Anything. Beginning to speak to herself, murmuring mental notes about the man's condition that brunette couldn't begin to understand, Brekke tried to rid herself of the useless feeling. She _needed_ to get rid of the feeling.

It was the same feeling that had Elrenia's hands sinking down to the pile of discarded clothing. Seared leather, and torn fabric that still smelled like fire stone. Somehow she just couldn't leave the clothing laying there so carelessly, Z'den never would have put up with that. So even though it was all ruined and probably needed to be thrown out, she started to fold up his tunic. Folded his pants next. Picked up his jacket to hang it up when she heard something crinkle.

Without a moment of hesitation she was digging through the coat, trying to find the little piece of parchment. The letter that had Z'den running off the day of the hatching, the one day she begged him to stay. The damned little thing that started everything.

He'd been so annoyed when she asked about it, so secretive when he crumpled it up and tucked it away. It had to be important. Had to be. And when finally she grabbed the left lapel of the jacket and heard the crinkle even louder, she pushed, and prodded, and pulled until she found a false panel on the coat, and the parchment hidden away inside.

"Elrenia?" Brekke murmured in confusion, looking over at her quiet crow of success. "What is that?"

"Something Z'den was reading, before he left."

Surprised, the woman asked, "What?"

Sighing slightly, Elrenia looked over at Brekke and tried to figure how exactly to explain this. Because honestly, she didn't know what she saw. Didn't know if this was the letter he'd been reading. But… she had a feeling. "I came up to his room to talk to him," she said after a moment. "He was reading a letter and packing his bag."

"Did he leave because of the letter?"

"I don't know."

"Then why did he leave?"

"I don't know."

"Is it in the letter?"

"I don't know."

"Well read it," the woman prompted, moving closer to her, trying to catch a glimpse of the parchment as well. It wasn't like her to snoop, Elrenia knew this, but she also knew that this wasn't an ordinary situation. "What does it say?"

It was right as she was unfolding the paper that she froze, realizing this was a rather extreme breach of Z'den's privacy. She didn't actually _know_ if the letter had anything to do with his sudden departure, though she suspected as much, and she didn't want to risk upsetting him by reading it. Something about it felt so very wrong, and so she shook her head.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Z'den wouldn't want me to."

Eyes widened slightly, but Brekke nodded her head. "You're… you're right. But…"

"I know."

"What do we do?"

"Lessa?" Elrenia shook her head almost as soon as she said the woman's name. She may have been the Weyrwoman at Benden, but that wouldn't make this invasion of privacy okay. She wasn't sure anything would make it okay, except… "Robinton."

"Elrenia?"

"If we give it to Master Robinton, he… Harpers are good at keeping secrets. And he'll be able to tell us if it's important, if it… if it had anything to do with him running off. We can decide what to do after that."

"That's a good idea," she said with a nod, already moving toward the door. "I'll get F'nor, see if he can fly you."

"I…" Fly her to Master Robinton? Somehow the very thought seemed… wrong. She wasn't going to go to the Harper Hall without permission! People just didn't do that. Did they? But, even more so, the thought of the way he was constantly forced to travel to her was terrible. So, after a moment, she nodded her head. "Okay. Let's go find him."

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**Once more, sorry for the delay. The end of the school year was crazy xD Maybe I'm back now?**


	43. Chapter 42

**Its Eyes Were Jewels  
****Chapter 42**

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**_As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being._**

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"Both of you. Calm down. Now," the brown rider ordered sternly, staring at the women before him. He had to respect their determination in the matter, but neither of them was thinking. They were worried and tired. Out of their minds with it. "You expect me to fly you to the Harper Hall for a meeting with Robinton in the middle of the night?"

The moment he worded it that way, Elrenia saw the flaw in their plan and sighed. Nothing was ever easy, and she held the parchment close to her chest. They needed to see if it was related to the situation, absolutely had to. No one knew what happened, and Arlith wasn't being very helpful with what little information he was able to give out. They needed someone they could trust with the letter, and that person happened to be Robinton. Except rushing off to see him wouldn't heal Z'den. It would just be inconvenient to all involved. A terrible inconvenience. Alienating the one man she trusted to help was the last thing she wanted to do, so she quietly admitted, "You're right."

"Wait until morning," F'nor advised the women, wrapping one arm around Brekke's shoulders as he did so. "Get some sleep, and in the morning we'll go and figure everything out. Okay?"

"Okay."

That was their word, Elrenia and F'nor. "Okay" summarized everything they had in common. Their worries, their friends, their goals. The fact that every last one of those things happened crashing together and ripping them apart at once made the word mean that much more. It was compliance, and agreement, and camaraderie when they had nothing left. Nothing left but a trickle of hope that everything would be okay in the end.

Taking a deep breath, Elrenia tried to ignore the thoughts in her mind and go sleep like she was told to. Except laying in bed until the snow stopped and the moon was high didn't make it easier to sleep. Her mind kept drifting back to the wounded brown rider. Before long she found herself in his weyr, sitting quietly beside his bed, willing him to open his eyes. Just for a second. Just one sliver of green, and she would be able to calm the pounding of her heart, but he didn't so much as twitch when she brushed hair out of his face. He didn't awaken, and she leapt from her seat hours later when a hand landed softly on her shoulder.

A worried smile on H'val's face greeted her with the words, "Slept in here?"

"I… didn't want him to be alone if he woke up."

Nodding in understanding, the boy used one hand to nudge her toward the door. "Go eat," he told her, smiling weakly. "It's my turn to sleep here."

"But—"

"Go. I hear you're going out with F'nor today."

"I am…"

"Then go. I have everything here handled."

The girl, to her credit, wanted to rush off immediately to the Harper hall. It was by the force of Manora's will alone that she sat down and ate a proper breakfast. "I will not," the woman muttered, sounding almost angry, "have you fainting because you haven't eaten. Nothing is more important than your health, flitterby."

"Arlith—"

"Is _not_ more important than your health. If you get sick, who's going to take care of him?" It was an excellent point, the woman had to admit. Elrenia had taken Arlith on as her responsibility, and though Brekke checked his wounds frequently, along with the Healer and Lessa, they allowed her to be the sort of primary caretaker of the big brown. They recognized the fact that this was something she needed to do, and allowed her the privilege so long as she didn't put anyone in danger. Who knew what would happen if suddenly she couldn't do her job?

No. She knew what would happen. Someone else would take over, but she didn't want Arlith to feel like she'd abandoned him! She would never dream of it. What—

"Elrenia?"

"F'nor?"

"Finish up, so we can get going?"

Practically inhaling her food, the girl was dressed for travel in a matter of moment, cinching her ill fitted jacket tightly as she made her way out to the bowl, asking almost as an afterthought, "Does he know we're coming?"

Judging by the surprised but not entirely displeased expression on the Masterharper's face when he saw her, Elrenia figured the answer was no. He did not, in fact, know that they were coming. A good thing? A bad thing? She wasn't sure as the older man stared at her for a very long moment. Not moving. Not saying a word. Had she made the wrong decision here? Should she have gone to someone else? Asked permission first? Gone through Lessa?

"You… you're the only one I trust with this," Elrenia spoke gently, looking up at the man from under the fringe of her bangs. Right that moment she looked impossibly small, paper clutched desperately to her chest. It was as though the weight of it was pulling her over, curling her into a pitiful little ball despite the growing strength of her spine.

Staring at the Masterharper, the young woman hoped rather weakly that his expression would soften into something a bit more understanding. Less confusing. She hoped that she hadn't actually managed to anger the man. What had she done anyway? Why was he looking at her like that? Right as her heart started to crawl up into her throat, F'nor cleared his throat and murmured, "Masterharper?"

"What?" The man blinked almost lazily, and the expression that halted Elrenia's breathing faded. "I'm sorry. I… had a long night. A very, very long night. How can I help you, dear?"

Smiling in relief, Elrenia held the letter out, feeling as though all was right with the world again the moment the man took it from her. Suddenly it wasn't her responsibility. Suddenly she didn't need to be the one to fix the situation. The Masterharper could advise her. What more could she ask for than the guidance of such a wise old man?

"You want me to read this?" the man asked, walking over to his desk with the parchment, already carefully unfolding it. "Read it and do what?"

"Just… tell me if it's important," she requested, looking anywhere but at the man. Anywhere but the man and the paper. She had the oddest fear that so much as looking at it would tell her what words it contained. One glance at the back of the sheet in the Harper's possession, and she'd know exactly what it said. It was a silly fear, a ridiculous thought, but she averted her gaze nonetheless. "Z'den was reading it right before he ran off. I just… I need to know if that's why it happened, somehow."

"All right, I'll see what I can do," Robinton spoke quietly, sinking into his chair before lowering his eyes to the crinkled paper in his hands.

Elrenia waited quietly while he read, seeming to hold her breath the entire time, hands trembling at her sides. This was it. What "it" was remained unknown for the moment, but she knew it was important. Knew it would force decisions. If the letter was important, and Robinton chose to reveal the details, then they had work to do. People to find. Situations to resolve. If it wasn't important to the situation then they still needed to try to figure out what happened. Maybe when Arlith was more coherent she could get information out of him. But until then…

She hoped the letter was important.

It was a short eternity later that Elrenia managed to force her eyes up to Robinton's face, and was shocked to find his eyes static. Frozen. Glued to the page. Unmoving. It didn't look like he was reading at all. Eyes moved when people read, didn't they? Yes. They chased the words like a child after a bubbly pie. Back and forth, and back and forth until every last word was absorbed. But the man was just _staring_.

"Robinton?" The man didn't even glance up, so Elrenia looked back at F'nor who simply shrugged his confusion. Was this a bad sign, the way that the man seemed stuck in place, chest barely moving as he breathed? "Robinton?" Surely it wasn't a good thing. It could have been. "Master Robinton, what's wrong?"

At last tired eyes shifted up to her face, lingering for a long moment before the man sighed and held the paper out, offering it back to her. Taking this as permission to read it, the brunette snatched it up in a moment, running her eyes over the page once. Twice. Three times. Unsure of what she was reading each and every time. Unable to believe that… that was all. That couldn't have been all. That couldn't have been the entire letter. That _couldn't_ have been the reason he left.

Except it made perfect sense.

"Elrenia?" Brekke's voice broke her out of her reverie then.

But at first she didn't know what to say. Wasn't sure how to explain. For a long moment she was completely, and totally lost, and then she was reading the words, "'It's time.'"

"Elrenia?"

"That's what it says," she explained, suddenly feeling dizzy. Incredibly dizzy. As though the world was being pulled out from other her, and she'd wound up head under heels, freefalling through time. "'It's time.' That's it. Nothing else. Not even a signature."

"You're kidding me," F'nor spoke with a certain edge to his tone, reaching out with one hand to grab the letter, seeing the two words with his own eyes. "That's it?"

"That's it."

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I," Elrenia admitted, running her hands through her increasingly messy braid. "But… but this has to be it."

"What?"

"This has to be the reason he ran out," the woman spoke confidently, though she was finding it harder to breathe with every passing second. In her mind, and maybe it was _just_ in her mind, this made perfect sense. Z'den received a letter—_a cryptic letter—_telling him that it was time for something, and she rushed off to do whatever that something was. That fit the blonde's personality almost exactly. Running off without warning to do something noble. At least she was assuming it was noble. She couldn't imagine the man doing anything inherently wrong. "He got this letter, and rushed off to go do whatever he had to do. He just happened to get caught in threadfall in the meantime. Did… did we ever find out where thread _was_ falling, F'nor?"

"He had to have gone to Southern."

"…Southern?" That was hard to believe, somehow. Did Z'den know anyone from Southern? Anyone who meant enough to him that he'd rush off right before a hatching? Elrenia liked to think that the man would have told her about someone that important, especially after introducing her to his family, but she wasn't so sure.

"That was the only inhabited place that was experiencing threadfall when he left."

"Unless he timed it."

"Unless he timed it," F'nor agreed a bit reluctantly, rubbing his face. "This keeps getting worse and worse, doesn't it?"

"Z'den and Arlith are still alive," Elrenia spoke with a shake of her head. "That's what matters most."

"You're right."

However that didn't mean the situation was fair, and it certainly didn't mean that they needed to like it. Because they didn't. Not a single one of them liked that the letter they'd traveled to have read didn't actually provide any information that could possibly help to explain the situation. They were going to be forced to wait for Z'den to wake up. If he ever—_Don't even think it._

Easier said than done.

"If you're feeling up to it, today would be a good day to go speak to Lord Raid," Robinton spoke in his gentlest voice, shifting the concentration of the group onto another matter. He smiled soothingly when Elrenia tensed up, stepping back into F'nor without realizing it. Raising placating hands, the man explained, "I was headed over there to speak with him on an unrelated matter." At the wide eyes, he continued on, "It seems like an excellent time for you to explain your situation to him—when he can't try to postpone by claiming he hasn't the time for it."

"I…" The girl wanted nothing more than to say no. To say that she wasn't ready. She needed more time. Lessa wasn't there, so she could claim she needed to wait for the woman. Except the Weyrwoman would be there in seconds flat if she got word that Elrenia was going, and either way, F'nor was there to support her. In fact his hand was already wrapped around hers, squeezing gently. "Okay," she said more for his benefit than Robinton's. "Okay, let's… let's go, then."

"Would you do the honors, F'nor?"

"Of course."

It didn't take long at all for the three of them to be situated, Brekke left at the Harper Hall for the moment. In the air. _Between_. Hovering in the cold air above Benden. It was to her utter shock that in the distance a blue dragon flickered into existence right beside a gold. Koth and Ramoth. She didn't need F'nor to call back to her, or the big blue to murmur in her mind to know that.

"Did Canth call them?"

"He did."

"Did you tell him to?"

"Will you be mad if I did?"

Arms wrapping more tightly around F'nor's waist told him that no, the girl wasn't angry. In fact, the way she fell into H'val's tired arms the moment they all had their feet firmly planted on the floor told him that he'd made the right decision. Elrenia needed the blue rider here for this. She needed his support, his love. Love that she only seemed to be accepting from him, the one that saved her from thread months ago in a wherry field. The one that painstakingly forged a friendship with her, and opened her up to the rest of the weyrfolk. H'val, perhaps above all others, was her family now, and she needed her family for this conversation.

She needed him when, after a brief introduction and no more than ten minutes of talking, Lord Raid was staring at her incredulously. Almost as though he didn't believe her. She needed his hand to squeeze hers when she almost shot from her seat and yelled at the man when he turned to Robinton and asked, "And where is this 'Levic' again?"

"Right at the border of your lands," she snapped—honestly _snapped_—at the Lord Holder, drawing his eyes to her face once more. "A farm. We were almost destroyed by thread at the beginning of the pass, and you stopped coming to us."

"And you say this man destroyed your Cothold… for what? What could he gain from lands ruined by thread?"

_This can't be happening_, she thought, staring at the man with her mouth agape. _He… is he really…_

"A little compassion if you please, Lord Raid," Robinton spoke with an odd tightness in his voice. The Lord of the Hold was clearly displeased to have had this situation dropped so suddenly in his lap, but there were better ways to go about this.

"Or at the very least you could _try_ to sound concerned," H'val mumbled under his breath, grimacing when F'nor stomped most discreetly on his foot.

"I've already sent men to investigate the site," Lord Raid explained, lifting a goblet of wine to his lips. "They've established that it was likely an accident, started by—"

"An accident." Stormy eyes turned to where Lessa was sitting ramrod straight in her chair, outwardly demonstrating the fury that Elrenia felt building in her gut. "An _accidental fire_ that had the heads of several people _cut_ from their _bodies_, Lord Raid?"

"I was told nothing of that," the man explained easily. "And my men are thorough."

"Sure they weren't paid off?"

"H'val!"

"Ronomer murdered a family, and raped a woman. Do you really think he's above a little bribery?"

"My _men_ are above bribery, blue rider," Lord Raid scoffed angrily at the boy. "How dare you suggest otherwise?"

"How dare _you_ suggest tha—"

"We're leaving!" F'nor announced, grabbing the blue rider by the arm and hoisting him out of his chair. "I'm terribly sorry, Lord Raid. If you'll excuse us?" Not a moment later the boy was being dragged from the room on a lecture about the right way to handle delicate situations.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Lord Raid spoke carefully, fingering the stem of his goblet with one hand. "Losing your family and your land at once must be incredibly difficult, but until this man… what was his name?"

"Ronomer," Lessa seethed.

"Yes. Ronomer. Until Ronomer is located and questioned, there's little I can do to help you."

Almost hopeful, the girl sat up straighter in her chair and overlooked all of his previous insults as she asked, "So you're looking for him, my Lord?"

"As soon as possible," he assured, and Elrenia's heart dropped out of her chest.

"I…" Was that a yes? "But… but _are_ you looking for him?"

"We will be."

"But _are_ you?"

Silence. Silence for much too long, and Elrenia knew the answer to the question. No. Lord Raid had not sent anyone to find the source of all of her nightmares, the worst person she'd ever had the misfortune of coming across. And by the looks of it, he wouldn't have sent anyone if she hadn't specifically asked.

"My Lord?"

"No."

"But—"

"I'm afraid that at the moment there's nothing I can do to help you," the man spoke, words stilted as though he were picking them seconds before the left his mouth. "Had you come to me with this issue earlier, I could have sent men out immediately. In the mean time more pressing matters have arisen, making it impossible for me to send anyone out presently. I promise, this matter will be dealt with in due time."

Mind blanking, Elrenia could only sit there as Lessa shot from her seat and shouted at the Lord Holder. "How can you allow this issue to stand?" she demanded, fire from the belly of a dragon burning in her eyes. "How can you sit by idly while a murderer…"

How could she have waited? How could she have squandered her only chance to have this horrid excuse for a man punished for his crimes, because she was too busy wallowing in self pity? How could she disgrace her family in such a way? On her feet before she realized she was moving, Elrenia was out of the building without even having excused herself. Manners, she found, didn't matter. Not when the world was pulled out from under her feet. Not when the man who was supposed to protect all of the Cotholders in Benden from these situations told her that there was "nothing he could do."

"Nothing he could do," she scoffed, storming through the courtyard and away from prying eyes. Prying ears. People who wanted to know everything for no reason other than to gossip about it. "Nothing that a _Lord Holder_ can do."

Did he expect her to believe that? Did he honestly expect her to be naïve enough to believe there wasn't a single man who could be sent to investigate such a horrid crime? No one? No one at _all_? No. It wasn't true, not in the least, and when a hand reached out to grab her arm Elrenia was tearing herself away.

"Leave me alone!"

"Elrenia," H'val voice was soothing, but it felt like salt in a cut. She didn't _want_ to be soothed. "Elrenia, we'll find someone else to help us," he assured her, taking two steps forward for every one she took back. "_Someone_ out there will be willing to help us," he promised when she turned and started walking. "Someone has to."

"No one cares!" she screamed the words so loudly that the blue rider flinched back and away from her. He'd expected her to turn to him with clenched fists even less than he'd expected her raised voice, and actually took a step away from the visibly angered girl. He'd never seen her so emotional. No, that wasn't true. He'd seen her so upset. Sobbing so hard she couldn't breathe, heartbroken, and hurt. But never so… angry. So angry it startled him. Somehow he hadn't realized she was _capable _of displaying anger toward anyone, least of all him. "No cares about a stupid, orphan, _Cot_holder!" she spoke with fierce determination, trying to convince him of a fact that she knew all too well. "No one wants to help me! Who could blame them? I'm _useless_!"

"Elrenia—"

"No!" She glared heatedly at the man, clenching her jaw and grinding her teeth as she tried to turn her racing thoughts into a coherent argument. "He said no," she spoke with a deceptive calm, voice no longer shrill. "He… there was nothing he could do to help me. Clearly that means that he doesn't want to offer any assistance."

"The winter is here, Elrenia, and it will be a hard one. He… probably simply doesn't have the resources—"

"A Lord Holder doesn't have the resources to locate a murdering rapist within the boundaries of his Holding?" the girl asked with a bitter laugh. "Yes. _Clearly_ that's why he doesn't want to help a filthy, useless, homeless girl begging for his help."

"Elrenia," his tone turned her name into a plea, but her expression didn't soften. "We don't even know if that's where Ronomer _is. _He could have left."

"He _hasn't_ left."

"How can you be so—"

"I just _know_!"

H'val stared, long and hard for a moment, before nodding his head. "Okay. I… we'll… we'll speak to F'lar, and see if there's anything he can do to help. We… Lessa is still in there. Maybe she can—"

"What? Maybe she can convince him? Coerce him? Force him into spending a little time, and… he doesn't care. No one cares." This time, when the words exited her mouth she sounded defeated. So sad. "No one can help me."

"Elrenia…"

"Please just stop," her voice was raw, like she'd ben crying for hours, though her face was dry. "H'val, just stop."

Nodding his head in agreement, the young man suggested, "Perhaps we should just go home."

"I have no home."

Freezing at this, the blue rider looked at the agony present on the young woman's face and cringed slightly. She had every reason to be upset. Every reason to feel… conflicted. But to revert back to this? To feel as though she didn't belong anywhere even after they'd spent months trying to convince her otherwise?

"The _Weyr_ is your home."

"I wish that was true."

_It is, _Arlith's gruff voice insisted from somewhere far away. It startled her, honestly, that he was listening in. So invested in her suddenly that he felt it his job to intervene in her hurtful thoughts. _It is your home. _

_I love you,_ Koth's voice pushed into her mind not a seconds later, big blue head swinging toward her to reveal a worried, swirling gem. _Let's go home, I love you._

"Koth…"

_You are ours, small one. We love you. We want you._

Where H'val failed to so much as make her listen, Koth managed to smash her to pieces and put her right back together again. He broke her heart and soothed her soul in one motion, nudging her delicately in the stomach with one eyeridge.

Though the creature easily reassured her that she did, in fact, have a home to return to, he didn't make her feel better about the situation with Ronomer. The Lord Holder's refusal to help. Elrenia wasn't sure anything would make her feel better about that, and leaned quite heavily against the dragon. Petting the top of his head, and down his snout, she tried so hard to think of alternatives. However there was nothing the other Holders could do—it wasn't their land. The Weyr's weren't allowed to interfere. There was certainly nothing _she_ could do. Nothing at all. It was a lost cause, and the thought that her family would never be avenged burned.

_ He will be found_, Arlith promised her in no uncertain terms then. She didn't need to ask who "he" was. Didn't need to ask how the grounded dragon would find him. She just knew that, somehow, he would.

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_**I realize I may have made Raid quite a bit harsher than he actually was in the books (though he was a lousy old coot there too), but it suits my purposes so I'm only a little sorry if he's really out of character.**_

_**xD Any use of the word "Doctor" is blamed entirely on Doctor Who. Thanks for the corrections Starsinger.**_


	44. Chapter 43

**Its Eyes Were Jewels  
****Chapter 43**

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**_As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being._**

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The flight back home was tense, with H'val unsure of what to do or say to make his friend feel better. He was even gentler with his touches than usual, as though sensing that she needed comfort, and when she shrugged out of his grip he deflated visibly.

"I just want to help," the boy murmured softly, staring at his feet like he'd just been scolded.

The expression softened Elrenia, forced the anger out through where he feet stayed firmly on the ground in the bowl. Shame filled her almost immediately, prompted her forward, closer to the blue rider. In a moment she had him in her arms, pressing her lips to his cheek in sincere apology. "I know," she whispered, pressing her face into his neck as she did. "I know you're trying to help. Thank you. I'm sorry. So, so sorry."

"Not your fault," the boy whispered back, squeezing the girl tight to his chest, "You have every right to be mad. I… shards I hate Raid right now."

"You and me both."

"I don't…" The boy sighed, frustrated, and pulled away from the girl. There was turmoil in his eyes that touched her down to her bones. This hurt him. This situation, with the Lord of her lands ignoring that she'd been abused so severely, _hurt_ him. "I don't understand! How can he do this?"

"He's a Lord Holder," the girl explained softly. "Lord Holders don't have to follow the same rules as everyone else. They don't have to care. They… they don't care. I'm little. Even when I had my Cothold, I was small. Before thread, we gave them a sack of grain in tithe—_maybe_. They don't miss things like that. We did nothing for them, so we never actually mattered."

"But it's not fair."

"I know."

It wasn't, but then life wasn't fair. Not for Elrenia. Never for Elrenia. There was absolutely no peace for her, it seemed, but when she kissed H'val's cheek again and stepped away she felt a little better. They were okay, she and H'val. This situation wouldn't rip them apart, because they wouldn't let it. That was what she needed, a way to calm the beating of her heart. The reassurance that it would be okay. It wasn't okay right then, but it _would_ be.

"Go," H'val spoke before she could open her mouth, smiling just a little tightly. "I know you need some time. Go. Be by yourself. I'll see you at dinner."

"Thank you."

Weeks past with no word that Raid was changing his mind, or being cooperative though Robinton was purportedly going to speak to him almost every single day. It frustrated her that he refused to help, refused to so much as _listen _to her story, and to distract herself she threw all of her effort into taking care of her wounded dragon pair. Unfortunately there were no signs that the man would be waking soon, and though the Healers did their very best to keep him alive, Elrenia knew that eventually he would begin to wither. Soon no amount of skill or experience would keep his muscles on his bones. His body would begin to die in a brand new way, and it was not a process that even Oldive could prevent.

But she sat at his side, day in and day out nonetheless. This was something that she would see through to the end, whether it ended well or not. When she wasn't with him, she was sitting cross-legged in front of Arlith, discussing what they would do as soon as he and Z'den could take to the sky again.

_Fort,_ the brown said suddenly one day. _We will go to Fort, and locate your brother._

"That would be nice," she admitted quietly, scratching his eye ridge until his eyelids slid helplessly closed. "I miss him so much."

_What was he like?_

"Most responsible of my brothers, if I'm honest. A bit of a troublemaker when he was a kid though. He had a thing for practical jokes, but his work always got done. Always. Dad was so proud when he found a woman and got his own Hold."

_You wish he'd stayed_.

"Well… yes. I… I felt sort of betrayed by his sudden departure. I never even met the woman. He just… told my father and left."

_I'm sorry_.

"Nothing to be sorry about. We'll find him, and…"

_And you will tell him about _that man_, and he will help to fix you_.

That was the plan then, and it was as good a plan as any considering she was no longer a candidate, and would be receiving no help from Raid. As soon as they could Z'den and Arlith would be taking her to Fort, whether the brown rider realized this yet or not was a completely different matter. The dragon seemed intent on helping her, and who was she to shun that kind of offer?

Who was she to shun offered rides from Koth and H'val, when it was mentioned that she needed to get out of the Weyr for a while? "You've been spending all of your time here. All day, every day," H'val mumbled at one point, staring rather pointedly at her. "It's not healthy, Elrenia. Even the Cavern workers get out more than you do."

"I've got responsibilities," she tried to reason, but a big brown snout nudging against her back more or less shut down her most convincing argument in half a moment.

_Go_, the brown beast ordered, staring hard at her with one large eye. _The boy is right. You need to do something else. I will be fine_.

"But… Arlith…"

_Go._

"I don't—"

_Just for a little while. You don't smile anymore._ The comment was striking, stopped the girl immediately in her tracks, because somehow she didn't expect a dragon to notice something like that. What was a smile to a dragon? What did it matter? She was comfortable there most of the time. She was healthy, she was helpful. What were smiles?

"Two against one," H'val finally said, extending one hand as Koth swooped down to the edge of the ledge they stood on. "Come on," he urged. "You'll have a great time."

Except she didn't. Elrenia found that she simply could _not_ enjoy any time that she spent away from the Weyr, because she spent the entire time worrying about Z'den. Wondering who was with him—_if _anyone was with him. Someone should have been. Watching him. He needed to be watched. And someone had to try to coax him into drinking something. It was far easier said that done, but infinitely important. It was the best Oldive could do for the man until he recovered enough to not be in agonizing pain every second he wasn't unconscious.

They weren't gone for an hour when H'val sighed and offered to take her back home if she was really that uncomfortable, and the first place she went was to check on Arlith, petting his eyeridge carefully as he glowered at her. That was a glower. It had to have been a glower.

_Z'den is fine_.

"I just… need to be here, okay?"

_It is not good for you. _

"Well, someone needs to take care of you."

_Everyone takes care of me. You are not alone._

"I know." And she did. She knew that the entire Weyr was chipping in to make sure that the two were doing as well as could be expected, but she still felt as though she _needed_ to be there. Absolutely, positively, needed to be. The feeling welled up massively in her throat, blocking the passage of air until she walked into Z'den's weyr to relieve the young man sitting watch over him.

"I'm fine," the man tried to convince her at first, smiling easily when she shifted anxiously on her feet. Usually when she offered to take shift the person she was dealing with realized that it wasn't _actually_ a request. She just phrased it like one to be polite. "You should go eat, and get some rest. We all know you haven't gotten real sleep in weeks now."

"I…" What could she say? "But… you…"

"Go eat at least." Coercion. That's what this was. The boy was coercing her into doing what he wanted, the fact that it was for her benefit didn't matter. "Go eat, an actual meal, and I'll let you watch him, okay?"

And that was how they got her to eat. How they got her to sleep in an actual bed. How they took care of her in their own little way, especially when Lessa was unwilling to intervene, deciding instead to just give the girl what she wanted until she was able to solve the situation with Lord Raid. A situation that Elrenia was certain would never be solved, but sometimes it was an amazing thing to be in the good graces of the Weyrwoman of Benden.

Spending less time with Z'den through this new arrangement the riders seemed to have set up amongst themselves, Elrenia fell back into a routine of watching the children just to pass the time. Falling into a habit that the Weyrfolk had not expected at all—taking care of everyone else before herself. At least when she was just watching Z'den and Arlith she was looking out for herself as well. Eating when food was brought up. Drinking as much as she could, because the brown never let her forget. Sleeping when she was tired. Bathing when she was dirty. Over the course of a few weeks she seemed to have forgotten the basics of being a person. What's more, she didn't care.

Not until an accidental tilt of her head in tandem with a deep breath had the young woman nearly gagging, realizing abruptly that she smelled distressingly similar to the barracks after an exceptionally long day. An unacceptable turn of events as far as she was concerned, and she rose immediately to her feet to use the bathroom.

One step away from the bed and the girl froze, wondering if she should go all the way to her weyr or not. It was late, and people were sleeping. She didn't want to wake someone up to take her place. But… "Z'den has sweet sand," she murmured more to herself than anyone else, fishing briefly through his belongings for a shirt and a pair of pants. Anything that was his would be big on her, of course, but she decided that it would be okay for a few hours. She'd have his clothing washed and put away before he ever knew that they were missing.

A quick bath was her only intention. She wanted to get into the water just long enough to make the scent and the dirt go away, so she walked away with only the mildest of anxious glances at her charge. He'd be okay for a few minutes, because nothing in the world could go wrong that quickly. She'd be in and out of the bath, and once she was…

Oh, but the water felt divine. Folding over his skin like the hands of a trusted lover. Embracing her like family. Nothing in her entire life had ever felt this amazing, she was certain, and she just laid there for a short eternity before palming some sweet sand to wash away the grime of almost a week. _That's disgusting_, she thought of herself with something more like a chuckle, and less like self loathing. It had been a _week_ since she'd truly bathed, and she swore to never go without a bath for that long ever again. Not if they usually felt this amazing (and they always did).

Getting her hair out of the braid was an effort, and ultimately the leather thong that bound the strands needed to be broken and discarded, a bit of a disappointment, honestly. It may have been a little strip of leather to anyone else, bit Z'den had given it to her when he realized her hair was bothering her, and her old one snapped. Z'den, who noticed all of the little details, was always coming up with little gestures to remind her that he cared.

At least he used to.

The thought was sobering, and suddenly the warm water felt ice cold against her body, prompting her to climb out and dry off. It wasn't the time or place for her to be relaxing in a bath. Z'den's bath. Just a few weeks ago the mere suggestion would have sent her into a fit, so at least there was that improvement. But she was clean now and didn't need to be wasting her time when the man needed her. What if he'd woken up while she was busy pampering herself? What if he woke up, and found that he was alone, and panicked? She knew how easy it was to panic while waking up from an injury. Knew how easy it was to assume the absolute worst.

"I'm back," she murmured as she walked toward the bed, toweling as much water from her hair as she could, wishing she had a hairbrush but unwilling to go—"Z'den?"

The blankets that she'd covered him with were on the floor, only one hanging valiantly to the man's legs. Had he kicked all of them off? The girl had no idea, but rushed forward all the same, collecting them to cover the man back up. How long had he been uncovered? Ten minutes? Twenty? Enough time for the cold to seep into his wounds and kill him?

"Z'den?" she breathed the name, reaching down to touch the man's face and was greeted by heat. Not just any heat. The slow burn of a fever. A high fever. She'd never felt anything like it, and immediately her heart lodged in her throat.

_Koth!_

_ Small one? _the blue responded instantly, worry clear in his tone. _Small one, what is it?_

_ Tell H'val to get Oldive. We need him._

_ What's wrong?_

_ Z'den's burning up._

That done, the girl stood about listlessly for a moment, unsure of what she was supposed to do. Cooling the man too quickly could kill him, she knew that for a fact. A passing comment from a friend of her brother's when she was a child that stuck with her forever prevented her for throwing the man physically into a pile of snow somewhere, though that was her first thought to lower his temperature. But allowing him to continue to burn was just as dangerous.

_Oldive is coming,_ she reminded herself, certain that H'val and Koth would time it if necessary, but not happy to just stand around. Damn it, but she wanted to _do_ something. Anything. Absolutely anything!

"What can I do?" she murmured, face pale with worry. This wasn't something she could fix, and she knew it, but she wanted to. By the egg, she just wanted to pull the fever from Z'den's body and put it in her own. She wanted to make him better. Wanted him to be okay. Wanted Arlith to stop suffering. Wanted everything to go back to normal.

_If only_, her mind supplied, _I'd fought harder to stop him from going. If only I didn't let him get on Arlith. This would be okay. Everything would be okay. _

"What can I do?" it was becoming a mantra, as though the words would cause an epiphany. They wouldn't and she knew it, but a hand on Z'den's sweaty cheek forced the words out again, more of a plea than anything else this time. "Tell me what to do. Z'den, what can I _do_?"

"Ksssmmm." The sound, so soft, so strained had Elrenia leaning close. Too close. Running trembling fingers through his hair trying to draw his voice out once more.

"Z'den? Z'den, talk to me. What can I do?"

"Ksss mmmm."

"I don't understand you."

Fingers, big but weak, wrapped themselves in Elrenia's sleeve, tugging. Had he been at his regular strength, Z'den would have pulled her straight down, but as it were she had to submit to the motion and move close. Had to press her ear close to his mouth when he murmured, softly, "Ksss m-me."

"Kss?" she repeated the sound. Rolled it around in her mouth to try and decipher it. "Kss you? Kss? Kiss? You… you want me to kiss you?" The words stuck in her throat more from shock than fear. Why in the world would this handsome, strong, amazing man want someone like _her_ to kiss him? Did he think she was someone else? Was there a woman he desired now, in the depths of an overpowering fever, that he wanted to kiss just one last time? "Z'den?"

"B'fff… I…" The man let out a shuddering breath, turning his head toward her before gasping vaguely. "Nnng."

_I do not want to die without having kissed you just one time,_ Arlith's strong voice sounded in her mind, but they weren't his words. Elrenia knew that. People said that dragons weren't good at relaying messages, and that their memories were so short that they just couldn't, but she didn't believe that for one second. Dragons were as unique as any person, and their skill sets varied. Who was to say this dragon couldn't remember a single sentence. A dragon would find a way to do anything its rider asked it, including this. This wasn't the brown speaking, it was his rider, and she felt her eyes fill with tears.

"You're not dying."

_But if I do, I want the taste of you on my lips. _The words should have been frightening, but instead they wrenched tears straight from her heart, drawing her down to press her lips against the brown rider without a second thought.

Having never initiated a kiss before, the movement was stilted and messy. Afraid that she hit too hard at first she pulled back and was suddenly barely touching him. That wasn't a kiss. She… she didn't know what a kiss was, but cupped one of his cheeks and kissed him more firmly regardless. If this is what would make a dying man happy, she wasn't about to tell him no.

_He isn't dying_, she insisted. Still crying. Still kissing. She could feel the brown dragon in her mind, lying in wait, listening and observing all that he could. _He __**isn't**__ dying_, she repeated for the creature's benefit, fearing suddenly that he'd panic, what with the way his rider was thinking. If _Z'den_ was afraid that he was going to die, how in the world could she reassure the great beast that he was just fine?

She couldn't.

She had to hope that the dragon knew something she didn't, had to hope that the beast could feel his rider's physical state as well as he could read his thoughts. Maybe, if that was the case, then he'd know that… that everything would be okay in the end, even if it wasn't okay now. Maybe that was why _he_ was continuing to recover instead of wasting away. Maybe he _did_ know that his rider would be okay, that he was just being dramatic with his fears and fever.

Oh, but why a fever? Why now? Why right when his throat was beginning to heal, and everything should have been okay? _Why_ couldn't he just recover? _Why_ couldn't she find a way to fix him?

_They come_, came a warning from Koth, and Elrenia slowly lifted her face away from Z'den's. His fever had not lessened, if the hand against his neck told the truth, but he looked almost… at peace. Content, even. His expression put her own heart at ease as Oldive shuffled into the room, looking tired but determined.

"He has a fever now?"

"A bad one," she explained, rubbing tears from her face. "It must have started sometime in the last hour. I went to bathe, and when I came back… I should have told someone to stay with him!"

"El'nia," was groaned from the bed, and the girl was kneeling beside her brown rider once more, looking frantic. "Nnng."

"Move over, child," the older healer ordered quietly, leaning over the man to check his fever personally before reaching for the bag that Brekke carried in for him. The man didn't tell her to leave, didn't even make her go very far, he just nudged, and pushed, and prodded until she was far enough out of his way that he could work without interruption. "He's been getting fellis?"

"Of course," Brekke almost sounded insulted when she said it. "For a wound that severe, how could we give him anything else?"

The old man didn't respond to the question, and instead carefully pulled away the bandage around the brown rider's throat. It was healing, that much was clear, but it was still open and raw, prompting Elrenia to gag and rush out of the way. She'd dealt with threadscores before, but nothing like this. Nothing so deep. So… she hadn't been so attached to Z'den back when she first saw him hurt. Didn't know how it would feel like her heart was being pulled slowly up her throat every time something bad happened. This feeling was new, and it made her physically ill.

Bristling at the cool hands on her neck, Elrenia looked up sharply at Brekke. The woman was stroking her back, easing the way of the food that was making a second appearance. Soothing, or trying to. But Elrenia didn't want to be soothed. She wanted Z'den to be better. She wanted to stop being useless.

"I'm going to Arlith."

"Elrenia—"

The brunette was gone before the Healer could get a word in edgewise, disappearing through doorways and down corridors until she exited onto the ledge where the wounded brown rested, startling the man on watch. One large eye, burning a vague sort of blue-yellow, watched her closely as she approached. Seemed to swirl faster when she got close enough to touch him, ran trembling fingers along his chilled hide.

How was he not freezing cold out here? How was he not dying from it? The girl didn't understand, and sunk to a crouch, curling herself tightly against Arlith's uninjured flank. The beast sat tense for a moment. Were he a human, Elrenia would have thought him unsure of himself, but surely the magnificent creatures never felt that way. Never second guessed. Never worried about whether or not they were doing the right thing. But the way the creature hesitated before wrapping his tail around her made her think that maybe, just maybe, he was more human than people tended to think.

Why else would he be comforting her? And that is what he was doing. Comforting her. His tail wrapped around her legs, his neck twisting so very carefully to rest his head at her side, pressed close as she breathed in his scent. Part of him was carried on Z'den everywhere he went. Part of Z'den stayed with the beast as well, a vague sort of musk that she'd smelled on him fresh from a bath.

For a brief moment she wondered why in the world she knew what he smelled like fresh from a bath, but she shook the thought away. It wasn't important. All that was important were the hearts beating beneath her ears, and the warm body that seemed to be tilting just slightly in her direction. For every ounce of pressure she put on the brown dragon's body, he pushed back. Told her that he was there. Told her that he was watching, and listening, and she was not alone. She was never alone. She would never, ever be alone again.

_You are correct, _the boy's voice rumbled in her mind, and she punched out a heavy breath. Never alone. Never again. She would—_You kissed him_.

Feeling her face take on color, Elrenia turned her head just far enough to gaze into one gently swirling blue eye. If dragons had expression, this brown's was amused. Very, very amused. But then the beast said, _You made him very happy_, and that made it okay.


	45. Chapter 44

**Its Eyes Were Jewels  
****Chapter 44**

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**_As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being._**

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It would be a long day, and another long night, Elrenia's heart never once settling back to a normal pace before Z'den showed any true sign of recovery. But, by first light the following morning, the man's body seemed to shudder out the last of his fever. Whatever Oldive had done seemed to have worked, and air was drawn once more into the girl's lungs. It felt like she'd been holding her breath for hours, too frightened by the prospect of losing her brown rider to do anything. Attempts to make her eat failed. Water was ignored on more than one occasion. Even Lessa, determined and stern toned, couldn't make the brunette cooperate. Nothing got her attention until at last green eyes slid open, glassy and obviously exhausted, but coherent for the first time in weeks.

"Z'den?" she whispered his name like a plea, eyes glazing with tears when his dry lips curled into a grin. That grin. A grin that laughed silently at her, with all the good will in the world. A grin that told her that the owner knew all of her secrets, and would hold every single one of them close to his heart. A grin that could not be fooled. Could not be mistaken. A grin she'd missed more than she could remember ever missing _anything_, and she leaned in to kiss him again.

A noise escaped the blonde, somewhere between horrified shock and pleasantly surprised, seconds before unusually weak fingers lifted to curl around the back of Elrenia's neck. The man made great efforts to hold her in place though he could barely tilt his head up, kissing her tenderly before falling back in exhaustion.

"Elrenia," he breathed, when the girl finally lifted away from him, tears burning tracks down her cheeks. "Why are you crying?" his voice was thin, rough, but so very there. So very real. So very Z'den.

It made her cry even harder.

Green eyes narrowed at this, and the man drew a ragged breath as he tried to push himself up high enough to touch the girl's face. The attempt failed, however, and he fell heavily back on his bed before he even got halfway to a sitting position. Trying valiantly to comfort the girl nonetheless, big hands wrapped themselves in the girl's sleeves and pulled her down to his chest, running up into her hair to cradle the back of her head the moment she was close enough.

"Hush, flitterby," the man soothed, petting the girl as she lay there on top of him. "Come now, stop crying."

"I almost lost you," she choked out, not caring that, technically, he'd never been hers to lose. Burrowing her head deeper into him, closing her eyes and breathing in his scent, she reveled this moment. This glorious moment when all was right in the world again, just for a moment. "You almost died," she whispered piteously. "I almost… almost lost you."

"Almost doesn't count," he murmured, coughing weakly, reminding her of how ill he'd been.

It was embarrassing to think that she could completely forget about his condition after all the worry she'd endured over it, and so Elrenia sat up quickly. As she stood and started to move away his hand shot out to grab hers. Grappling with her fingers until they found purchase and took hold. Gripping. Clinging. Eyes staring desperately at her, begging her not to leave him even though his pride refused to let him ask. It was startling, to see the brown rider look so vulnerable, but it brought a reassuring smile to her lips all the same.

"I'm getting you water," she promised, leaning down to kiss the man's hand before unwrapping it from hers, placing it gently on the bed beside him. Hoping to put his mind at ease while she moved out of his direct line of sight, Elrenia started talking to him, saying, "Arlith is recovering quite well. His neck is completely healed, and his side is coming along, but his wing still needs time."

"How bad was it?"

"The wing?" she asked, hardly waiting for an answer before continuing, "Pretty bad. But we worked hard, and Brekke says it's healing properly. You two will just have to take it easy on your first few trips to the skies." Settling onto the bed beside him quietly, she smiled and reached out to help the man sit up far enough to sip the water. "See? Just went to get water."

"Thank you." This time when he spoke his voice was smoother, soothed by the water though it was still thin.

"You don't have to thank me."

"Yes I do."

That was that. Big, long fingers slid between Elrenia's own slender ones, holding tightly to her hand as she sat there. Held it even more firmly when H'val rushed in after Koth told him the brown rider was awake. Firmer still when Lessa came in to scold him about being a deadglow—and he was.

"Did you know?" she demanded when he scoffed at her worry. "Did you know that this was going to happen?"

"Lessa," Elrenia tried to soothe the woman, gazing imploringly at the man behind her. But F'lar refused to help. Instead he crossed his arms and stared just as crossly at the brown rider. "Lessa, please. At least give him time to recover."

"'It's time'?" she quoted, and Elrenia tensed when Z'den's grip on her hand tightened, and then immediately loosened.

Green eyes rose suddenly to her face, but he didn't need to ask. There was guilt present there that told him everything he needed to know. Yes, she had read the letter. Yes, she had told Lessa about it. When stormy eyes failed to make contact with his, the man narrowed his gaze slightly, pulling his hand from her grip.

"Did you know?" the Weyrwoman repeated one last time, and Z'den shook his head.

"No, Weyrwoman. I didn't know."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying." Settling back into his bed at once, green eyes closed resolutely, ending the conversation. And though the Weyrwoman was clearly incensed by the turn of events she left the room when Z'den murmured, "Please, I'm tired. Allow me to rest." Hoping that at least she would be allowed to stay, Elrenia felt her heart shatter just a little when the man continued on to say, "Leave me, Elrenia."

_No_. She thought the word so loudly that Arlith stirred across the bowl, and Koth murmured a gentle inquiry in her mind. _No, I won't leave you. The last time I left you… you… you almost died._ Instead what came out of her mouth was nothing short of a docile, "As you wish, brown rider."

The rejection stung, but she'd been putting off her duties for so long now, and it was about time she got back to work. Jaione had been the one to take care of the children when she couldn't, but she was raising a dragon now. How dare the brunette think to impose on her. Raising the little beasts was a difficult task, what with the way they ate, and grew, and did absolutely everything in their power to make their rider lose their hair.

Perhaps that last one wasn't necessarily the whole truth, but it felt that way sometimes. She wasn't even a rider and… and that hurt. It hadn't before. Ever since the Hatching she was able to just brush it off, but suddenly it struck her.

Was that little Queen of Jaione's supposed to be hers? Did the gold just _settle_ for next best because Elrenia wasn't there? _Don't think that,_ she ordered immediately, flushing with a gut deep shame for even thinking such a horrible thing. Jaione was not second best. She deserved that gold even more than Elrenia did herself, if her present thoughts said anything. She was just upset that Z'den was mad at her, that's all. There was no way she could regret helping to save Arlith's life.

Not ever. Not even when Z'den refused to let her in his room the next morning, and only barely mumbled a thank you when she brought him dinner that night. She was well aware that he would probably be angry with her the moment that she decided his letter needed to be read, but that didn't make it easier to deal with. Not even a little. Instead of dwelling on a miserable situation, however, Elrenia decided it would be best to focus her attention where it could still be useful.

With Arlith.

It became apparent while Z'den was still caught deep in the grips of fever that there was only so much a Healer could do for the dragon. They were complicated creatures, and there were only a few people in the Weyr qualified to really handle such grave injuries. Elrenia had done her very best to help while the brown rider was recovering, picking up tricks here and there, but now that she needed to stay away from him once more she decided to try again. She split her attention carefully between the children, and the brown dragon that still lay on a ledge on the far side of the bowl, unable to move elsewhere. The _children_ were easier of the two to handle, as it were.

It wasn't so much that Arlith had a bad attitude, but with his rider awake he refused to speak to Elrenia. When she approached he blew a great derisive breath at her, but allowed her to run a soothing hand down his side anyway. Didn't fight when she checked on the progress of his wing.

The delicate skin was a tangle of scar tissue, the area around the joints of the wing tight and hard to flex. When she brought it up to the healer, he was quick to realize this could be a problem in the future. "He can't fly yet, but he need to exercise the wing before it freezes this way. The scar tissue will continue to tighten if he doesn't stretch it out." So she sat there and gently helped the brown beast guide the wing out, massaging the skin when it ached. Helped him pull it back in. Helped him stretch. Every single day for weeks.

Sometimes she brought the kids up to help her. Most of the time they got in the way, and she always needed to keep a special eye on them to make sure they didn't wander too close to the ledge, but they kept Arlith's eyes whirling a gentle blue. He loved the children, and the fact of this became apparent when he whipped out his tail to knock one back away from the edge. Used the appendage to play with the children who wandered up even when they weren't invited. He kept an eye on them so Elrenia didn't have to, and even though he no longer whispered words into her mind, he pressed his head into her stomach every night right before she left him.

"I'll see you in the morning, beautiful."

_Handsome_. So he only _rarely_ deigned to speak to her, but every time he did it made her smile.

Trouble came with deep winter though, when the snow got so high, so fast on the awning that it was close to being dangerous for the dragon that lay prone underneath it. He could handle the cold without a problem, but the snow…

"We need to do something," Elrenia murmured at the breakfast table, drawing F'nor's eyes in a moment. He was thinking the same thing, she could tell. He was worried, and wasn't entirely sure what to do. "Where's the nearest weyr, big enough to fit him?"

"Not walking distance. He can't fly yet."

"But maybe he can be flown."

"Pardon?"

Elrenia knew it was dangerous, trying to get any number of dragons to carry a full grown brown any distance. It was different when they were breaking free fall. They just flew up beneath and him slowed his descent. Actually moving him was different. Guiding him straight instead of down. However… "If we can get him to the ground, he can stay on the hatching sands or something. Just until he can move elsewhere."

Oh, but the look on F'nor's face told her this wasn't a good idea. Too many things that could go wrong. Too many variables, like the fact that they couldn't very well control when a mating flight occurred. Like the fact that if the sands were needed for a hatching Arlith would be out in the cold once more.

"No one is due for a flight. The Queens aren't like Greens. They take time between their flights, a lot of time. Most of the wing is grown back, it just needs to be strengthened now. Just… consider it. We _need_ to move him."

"I'll talk to Z'den."

Z'den, whose lack of forgiveness broke Elrenia's heart a little bit every single day. The weeks were going by in a flash, but the man refused to so much as look at her. She knew he was up and moving again, out of his room sometimes, but not often yet. The few times she'd seen him around the Weyr, looking at her with those eyes—both disappointed, and furious—she'd made sure to get away as quickly as possible. There was no reason to upset him by hanging around him. No reason to make him suffer with her presence.

"What's with that look, flitterby?"

"What?"

"You look sad."

"I… I'm just worried about Arlith." A half truth, but it was enough for now. Enough to allow her to escape F'nor and his questions. His honestly, good meaning questions. However the longer she worked with Arlith, watching his wing heal and the life return to his eyes, the more Elrenia started to cringe under the weyrfolk's need to protect her.

Upon first arriving at the Weyr, beaten and bloody, broken beyond immediate repair, it was comforting. Even with all of her doubts it was good to know that almost every person around her only wanted to help, one way or another. It stopped her from running, and gave her time to heal. It soothed her on the best of days, and while it didn't always keep the nightmares away it certainly didn't make them worse.

It made it hard to just be around the weyrfolk. Made the young woman do everything in her power to avoid them, staying away from crowded areas, and busy times of day. She ate during odd hours to avoid the rush. Sometimes brought food up to her room (or, if she could convince him, got H'val to bring it). And even he was starting to grate on her nerves what with the way he was constantly trying to get her to talk to Z'den even though he _knew_ that it was a horrible idea to do so. The man wanted nothing to do with her, and she was doing her best to grant that wish.

A hard thing to do when the man's voice carried through the hall like a breeze, murmuring, "Dimglow," and Elrenia couldn't help but lean in the entrance to the room and watch him.

It almost surprised her, how well he was doing with the children. The man had never taken well to disobedience or foolishness, not that she could see, and the children were nothing if not exactly those things. But he seemed so light around them. So pleased. The creases around his eyes seemed to smooth, and the smile that brightened his face came unbidden.

_He's beautiful._

The thought came suddenly, shocking the girl immobile just when she should have moved out of the room. It was like a floodgate, opening the door to a thousand other thoughts and emotions she never realized crossed her person, or pushed aside as ruthlessly as she could. The thoughts had been accumulating since she'd first arrived at the Weyr.

So many thoughts, like the way she enjoyed his sardonic little smirk, and how the way he carefully disobeyed his superiors openly always made her laugh. Just earlier that day she walked in on him brushing off Brekke's concern that he was overexerting himself with a grin and a gentle, "Aren't you the sweetest thing?"

He was rough, and frightening in his anger, but she'd never seen him show unnecessary cruelty. Never once had she spotted him mistreating even the most foolish weyrlings. The odd comfort she got when he lifted her onto Arlith. The way there always seemed to be a seat open for her during dinner. In his own way, Z'den was a kind soul. No other could be claimed by a dragon, and therein lay the problem.

Neither could he ever be claimed by another.

A blade to the gut would have hurt less than the sudden overwhelming need to be near him, knowing that he would never need her in an even remotely similar way. He could have a thousand women, strong and attractive as he was. He didn't hold a candle to how F'lar must have looked in his youth. Barely stood a fighting chance against F'nor, were the man on the market for a mate. But he was not so hard on the eyes, and a woman could be forgiving his narrow eyes and slowly deepening frown lines for the excellent shape of his body, and the honor of his rank, even if he _was _currently grounded. He could have anyone he wanted, and if he wanted no one he had his dragon. What was she?

She was nothing, once more. A would be healer of sorts. A babysitter. Found and taken from a wherry field on a whim, and kept for the fun of it, it often seemed. She was worth little to the Weyrfolk, and even less to the riders. At least she could assist with chores. At least she could run about on errands. There were two dozen Weyrbrats to do that for the riders. Z'den was not short on helpers. She was useless. Worthless. _Damaged goods. _

The thought stuck painfully in her mind as she crossed her arms over her chest. _I'm just damaged goods. He could do better than me with his eyes closed. What I desire is inconsequential. _She'd known it from the beginning, but over time allowed herself to be lulled into a false sense of security. Perhaps Lessa would never expel her from the Weyr, but she would never actually belong either. _I shouldn't do this_. She should have left for Fort the first chance she got. There were many riders who could have cared for Arlith while he was wounded—why did she have to take that job upon herself? _These feelings are… they're useless. Like me. Dangerous. _But as he turned from one of the Weyrlings feeding his dragonet she couldn't stop herself from pretending that the smile on his face was meant for her, quickly faded though it was.

It took a moment to realize that he was looking directly at her, watching her, almost evaluating. She wanted to walk away, should have, but couldn't bring herself to. She'd been avoiding him for weeks now, thoroughly ashamed of her actions while he was unconscious. He was probably still angry. But instead of running away the way she wanted to the girl forced a tight little smile to her face, one that only made the skin between Z'den's eyes crinkle with thought. Why did she notice that? Why did she know that he only made that face when he was worried about something?

What had she done to worry him?

Seeing that the man was rising slowly to his feet, she walked straight over to him, resting a hand against his shoulder to ease him back into his seat. "You shouldn't be moving around, brown rider."

"You shouldn't look so distressed, flitterby."

Flitterby. The name sent fire lizards loose in her stomach, and she let out a shaky breath of relief. That was forgiveness. It had to be. Why else would he address her so? By the first egg, he forgave her! "Distressed?"

"You've got this look about you," he explained rather vaguely, raising a hand to rub at his shoulder. "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing, I…" _I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry that you were angry at me. I'm sorry you got hurt. I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you. _"I was just wondering what you were doing."

"Oh." She was just imagining his disappointed tone of voice. "I was growing weary of staying in bed, so I offered to watch the children. They're a handful."

"Do you need help?"

"No."

Heart sinking to the floor at the single word Elrenia tried desperately to hide the disheartened expression on her face. Of course he hadn't forgiven her. How could he? Would she have forgiven him if their roles were reversed?

Yes. She would have.

What was wrong with her trying to figure out what happened? It was the responsible thing to do! In doing so, she was looking out for him the only way she was able to. Elrenia was no healer, but maybe she could get answers. The effort ultimately failed, but it was worth a try!

"I know that you're mad at me," she murmured softly, looking anywhere but at the brown rider though she could feel his eyes riveted to her. "And you have every right to be. I invaded your privacy, and brought other people into the situation as well." It was taking all of her courage to keep talking. Honestly, she just wanted to wither away. Sink into the floor and become invisible. But no. She kept speaking, "I just thought that Robinton would be the most impartial judge, and I needed to know if that letter was the reason you rushed out. If there was an emergency with your family or something, before you were hurt, I wanted to be able to help."

"Elrenia—"

"Please let me finish," she cut him off. "While I am sorry that you're upset with me, I'm not sorry for what I did. I was worried about you. I was frightened. More than anything else, I wanted to help. And though my efforts failed, I believe that the thoughts behind my actions are what's important."

"Are you done?"

Oh, but the impatience in the man's voice had the girl on edge, heart beating rapidly. So much so that she felt lightheaded, but she stood her ground firmly. "Yes," she murmured. "I've said my peace."

"Good." And before she knew what was happening, Elrenia was yanked onto the bench at Z'den's side, one strong arm wrapped around her waist. "I'm not happy that you read my letter, but I understand. I've been trying to get you to come talk to me since H'val explained the situation to me. Loudly. I didn't mean to upset you." Then, in a whisper, "Save me from the children. Please."

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_**So that took forever .**_

_**I'm really for the delay, and don't have any excuse other than the real world is crazy sometimes! I can't promise I'll be updating regularly either. But I finally got this done, and thought you guys may like me to post it.**_


	46. Chapter 45

**Its Eyes Were Jewels  
****Chapter 45**

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**_As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being._**

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"Stand still," Jaione whispered to her little queen, laughing lightly when the girl harrumphed and fluttered her wings in agitation. "I'm sorry Elrenia, I don't know what's wrong with her this morning!"

"It's fine, dear. It's fine." And really it was. The little queen was usually such a good little patient, allowing the brunette to sit there and look at her wings, and legs. Feel her stomach. Count bones, and stare at joints. She was so calm, but from the moment Elrenia woke up that morning she knew there was something bothering the dragons. She just didn't know what it was. "Blyth, would you like us to do this another time?"

The gold turned blue and yellow roiling eyes to the young woman, tilting her head as she recognized her name but clearly hadn't heard Elrenia's words. Koth had done the same thing to her an hour or so ago during his appointment. Arlith snorted at her until she was forced to retreat, Z'den trying not to laugh as he scolded the brown for bad manners. It was troubling behavior, but it must have been something in the skies. Something that bothered them but didn't pose too much danger if they weren't telling their riders. No danger at all.

"Blyth," Jaione laughed, turning warm eyes to Elrenia a moment later. "She says you smell good, but your hands are cold. She wants to do this later."

"All right."

"I'm so sorry, Elrenia. I know you look forward to this."

"It's no trouble." The woman was already rising to her feet, watching the sun begin to sink beyond the horizon. It was setting later and later as the frost started its retreat. If the dragons' behavior meant anything at all, the woman would guess that it was predicting threadfall. Soon. It was coming soon, and they'd all be in danger once more.

Before first fall, when Elrenia was still a small girl, she had no idea what terror could fall from the skies. Everyone had been carefree back then. Life had been difficult, for her family at least, but it had been decent. No one believed any of the stories, but who could blame them? For generations thread was just a myth. A story perpetuated by the Weyr in order to gain favor among the people. Now with the cold giving way to a tentative warmth everyone was afraid again.

Elrenia hated being afraid.

It was a realization she came to a few weeks ago, when a misstep on Arlith's ledge almost killed her. The edge crumbled under her weight and before she even knew what was happening she was upending, falling backwards in slow motion. The brown was bellowing before she even realized she was in danger, whipped around too fast and caught her with a clawed foot.

The healer later joked that she could tell people she fought a dragon and won as he stitched up the gouges in her side, deeper than those given to her by the wherries so long ago, but she didn't think it was funny. She was furious with herself, and the cliff, and Arlith, and the world. The girl was ridiculously angry even when the man finished up her side and told her to take it easy for a few days. She was angry when she rushed back to Arlith to make sure he hadn't hurt himself trying to save her. Angry when it turned out that he had. Angry when _he_ apologized for hurting _her_. Angry until the moment that she realized she wasn't angry because any of these things, she was angry because of Ronomer, and she had every right to be. Absolutely enraged that she'd spent so much time terrified of him, when he was too cowardly to so much as show his face.

No one could find him, and it wasn't for lack of trying. Every time that H'val needed to go back to Fort he looked and asked around. Robinton was doing the same, asking his Journeymen to keep their eyes and ears open wherever they needed to go. Just about everyone in the Harper Hall knew her story, and while this had bothered her at first, Elrenia found she was actually relieved by it.

Humiliation and pain kept her quiet at first, fear that the entire Weyr would be hurt because of her, but when those feelings started to fade it became apparent that there was so much more to this than the way she felt. Every young woman from a weak little Cothold faced the same danger she did because she didn't speak up fast enough. She'd wanted to badly for the whole situation to just go away that she may have dug a hole she couldn't get out of. Ronomer committed a crime, and until he was punished there was every likelihood that he'd do it again. A chance that she wasn't even the first. The thought cut her down to her very core, the thought that someone had been hurt before her. The thought that more had been hurt because she'd been too _afraid_ to speak up.

"I'm not afraid anymore," she murmured as she gazed up at the bright blue sky, determined if she was nothing else. And she didn't even flinch when a hand settled down on her shoulder, gripping carefully to get her attention. Looking over her shoulder revealed a smiling Z'den. "Hey."

"Hey."

All Elrenia wanted to do was turn around and kiss him, but she turned her eyes back up to the sky instead. No matter what she wanted, she had no right to do anything to him. Other than his actions deep within the throes of a fever Z'den had never given any indication that he wanted her that way, and she wanted to force herself on a man about as much as she wanted a man to force himself on her.

"Thread is going to start falling again."

"It is."

"You'll miss the first fall."

"The first few," Z'den corrected, sounding only a little disappointed. "Believe me, Arlith is far more upset by this than I am. He keeps insisting that he'll be able to fly before the first cluster falls. I keep insisting that I'll tie him to the Weyr if I have to. We're sort of at a stand still."

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No," Z'den shook his head with a bright smile. "He knows his wing needs more stretching before he can come close to the air again. Actually, he wanted me to ask if you could help him stretch it out more often."

"Of course I can."

"He apologizes for this morning."

"As well he should if he wants my help," she laughed, leaning back against the man's chest as they stared up at the sky. There was tension in the air soon, the discomfiture of the dragons spreading to their human counterparts. From the riders to the other folk. "How long would you say?"

"Not another fortnight at least."

It made sense. There was still frost sticking stubbornly to the ground. Ice was only just starting to melt a little further south. It wasn't Benden's time yet. They'd have a little more time to relax. Just a little.

But relax they would not.

There was much to be done as it were, so that extra time would not be wasted. They were stocking up on numbweed for the eventual wounds that would be accrued by the riders who were flying thread for the first time. Chores were being done like there would never be another chance, mostly because some of the riders would use their fighting thread as a good excuse to _not_ help around the lower caverns. No one could blame them, really. But it was a great convenience when they _did_ assist with the work.

It was work that had Z'den retreating to his weyr under the guise of "being tired" as he smirked at the weyrlings that had absolutely no excuse to get away. It was a rare immature act that had Elrenia smiling instead of rolling her eyes as she carried a basket full of fabric from the lower caverns toward a rider who would be delivering it to—

"Rilow!" The exclamation was sudden, and before anyone knew what had happened, the girl had dropped her basket and was in his arms. Hugging her Harper once more. _It will always be this way_. Every time he was around, it was as though her brother had come back from the dead. Something about him put her mind so at ease. "It's so good to see you!"

"Yes," the man agreed, kissing her cheek chastely before holding her at arms length. "And I have excellent news."

"About what?"

"I believe I've found your brother."

Silence. No one in the immediate area said a word, instead staying quiet and craning their necks to get a peek at the going ons. Everyone knew how important this was to the young woman. How she'd been waiting most patiently for any word of this elusive brother. A man who seemed to have all but abandoned his family in order to get married and strike out on his own. Under any other circumstances they may have respected this decision, but this was _Elrenia_. Had he stayed at home she may not have suffered so much. Had he stayed at home Elrenia may not have had a brother to search for. No reason to have any hope at all. No reason for her face to light up like she'd just Impressed, mouth opening and closing in shock for a moment.

"What?"

"I believe I've found your brother," Rilow repeated, smiling brightly. "I've been asking around everywhere, and one of my friends near Fort finally came through. Said that he knew a man that fit your description, but couldn't remember his name. Only met him at a gather once with his daughter."

"Daughter?" Could Elrenia have another niece? Could they be wrong? Men with dark hair and bright eyes weren't so strange. It was a fairly common look around her little part of the world. The freckles across his nose were a little unique, but even that… Unless the Harper had glimpsed him shirtless and seen the mark on his lower back where Elrenia and her sister may or may not have pushed him onto the rocky riverbed when they were children, there was really no knowing for sure.

"Do you know if Earral has a daughter?"

"I… not that I last heard. But that was a long time ago."

"Well maybe it's him. It wouldn't hurt to go look, would it?"

"No. No it wouldn't. Wait here."

A moment later the young woman was rushing into the Weyr, using every trick she'd picked up over the months to locate her Weyrwoman. Rushing off without telling anyone where she was going was never a good idea, least of all when she didn't even have a dragon to give her a ride. But Lessa would be understanding and _happy_ for her. She'd help plan the trip.

_What if it's not even him?_ the thought slowed her steps, but not by much as she turned into the lower caverns. Palmer said Lessa was down here, and he had a knack for always knowing where people—"Lessa!"

The small woman jumped at the sound of Elrenia shouting, turning around abruptly with a concerned expression on her face. Rising to her feet, the gold rider met the rushing girl halfway across the room, catching her across the arms to stop her progression. "What's the matter?"

"The Harpers may have found my brother."

"Excuse me?"

"Rilow," she said the name like it was a lucky oath. "He came. Said one of his friends might have seen my brother near Fort. They have a location, and… Can I go? Please, Lessa, I'll beg. Give me a rider, anyone. I… p-please. I need to know if—"

"Breathe, Flitterby," the woman murmured, smiling softly as Elrenia's ecstatic expression started to catch on like an illness. "Rilow found your brother?"

"Maybe," she corrected. "We can't be sure until I see him. The Harper didn't catch his name, but please. I can't risk losing this opportunity if it _is_ actually him. Lessa—"

Nodding her head abruptly, Lessa interrupted her to assure, "Of course you can go. Take whoever you want." _Z'den_, it was the first thought in her head but the smaller woman was shaking her head before it could even be brought up. "Not him, Elrenia. He's only just starting to recover, I can't let him leave yet."

"But—"

"No buts." A stern expression covered the happiness then. "Do you really want to risk his life again?"

"Of course not."

"Take someone else."

"Can I have H'val?"

"If he wants to take you, yes."

"Thank you so much." The girl was running from the room again, grabbing Palmer around the arms to demand her blue rider's location.

"He's up with Z'den."

Of course he was. A potential problem, but the girl couldn't be bothered to be discreet. No, she rushed right in without knocking and grabbed H'val's arm, tugging him to his feet. "Come!" she demanded, pulling harder when the boy started to resist, confused and concerned.

"Elrenia?"

"They found him!"

Z'den was on his feet then, eyes widening seconds before they narrowed. "They found _who_?"

Realizing immediately what her words were mistaken for, Elrenia shook her head. "Not Ronomer. They found my brother. Please. Please you have to take me. You promised."

"Let me get my jacket," Z'den spoke, moving before H'val even got to his feet.

"What? No."

"I want to be there," the blonde man insisted. "Arlith won't mind me flying on Koth just this—"

"I said no, Z'den."

Both men stopped moving, brown rider in surprised outrage, blue rider in nervous confusion. First of all, for Elrenia to say no to Z'den was not something anyone expected. For her to say no so _vehemently _was unprecedented. Usually she buckled under the force of his stare, but she absolutely refused to.

"You _can't_ come," Elrenia insisted, crossing her arms sternly. It really was as simple as that. She wanted him there more than just about anything, but for his own good she was saying no, and she was sticking with her decision. This was _her_ family, so it wasn't his choice to make. If she didn't want him to come, then he wouldn't be allowed to. In this matter she was putting her foot down, and keeping it down.

Z'den simply wasn't well enough to be traveling yet, a fact that Lessa reminded her of. If she put his life in danger for such a selfish reason she would never be able to forgive herself. So when he opened his mouth to express his opinion on the matter she shook her head and snapped, "No."

"Elrenia—"

"Don't make me say it again, Z'den," she warned, lifting her chin up defiantly. "You are _not_ coming with me. End of discussion."

"I…" The man trailed off, green eyes drifting off to the side just for a second before they snapped right back to Elrenia's face. His entire body seemed to ascend to another level, chest puffing and shoulders strengthening to those of a man twice his stature. He was proud, confident, a true Dragonrider of Pern whether he was grounded or not. For a moment, just a moment, it was as though the man would say something profound, and just as quickly he deflated and murmured, "I… as you wish."

Turning on his heel without a backward glance, Z'den was out of the weyr in a matter of seconds. She took a step forward, lips parted in the whisper of a staying word but he was gone before she could even raise a hand to him.

"Shards."

"Go after him," H'val urged, nudging her toward the exit. "I'll meet you in the bowl near Rilow."

So she was off again, rushing out of the weyr and looking around frantically until a Weyrling kindly pointed in the direction the man had stormed. Straight to where his dragon was laying restlessly on his very own ledge, kicking up what was left of the snow with the tip of his tail. The poor boy was so bored all of the time, but thankfully no longer suicidal. Though sometimes, he often mentioned, it seemed like a decent idea just to get a little excitement. The sordid humor the beast seemed to share with his rider.

"Z'den!"

"Leave me alone."

This seemed to be how every single one of their heavy fights started. He wanted to be left alone, and she refused for better or worse. Just this once she wanted to do as he said and leave him alone, so anxious was she to get on Koth's back and rush off to find Earral. Except… she couldn't risk alienating the brown rider. Taking a deep breath to steady and slow herself, Elrenia stepped forward and fitted her body against Z'den's back.

"I'd give absolutely anything for you to be able to come," she whispered into his tunic, squeezing his middle when he gripped her wrists tightly. "No one makes me feel as _okay_ as you do when something bad happens. What will I do if this isn't him, Z'den?"

"You'll thank him for his time and keep looking."

"I'll cry."

"None of us will judge you if you do, Elrenia." Turning in her grasp, Z'den tipped her face up by her chin, grinning just slightly. "Whatever happens, flitterby, don't lose hope. Can you promise me that?"

"No."

"Elrenia—"

"I don't know what I'll do," she admitted. "I need him, Z'den. I need my brother. He's all that I have left in the world, and I don't even know if I still have him. Every single member of my family was in Levic when Ronomer had it burned to the ground." A thick finger rose to wipe away the moisture that tried to gather under the girl's eyes. "You're all so good to me, but I…"

"You feel alone," Z'den offered when she trailed off, nodding his head when her lip quivered. "It took years for the feeling to start to fade, after my parents died, and I still _do_ have family." The words were both disheartening and reassuring, but the brown rider refused to let the girl look away. "You know we love you."

"I know."

"Not just H'val, and Mirah, and me. We _all_ love you, Elrenia. Jaione may not have Impressed if not for you. Palmer and Red may have both gotten thrown from the Weyr before _they_ got the chance. Arlith and I both would be dead right now."

"I didn't save either of—"

"Arlith was ready to die," Z'den insisted, looking back at the brown dragon as he reached forward to press his snout against Elrenia's side. "If you hadn't stopped him from jumping, I'm certain I wouldn't have made it."

"You're strong," she reminded him. "You would have—"

"Withered away as soon as I realized I'd never hear Arlith's voice again. Feel him under me in flight. Sense him in my mind at all hours of the day and night."

"Z'den—"

"We owe you _everything_, Elrenia." Something in his eyes shifted then, green seeming to glow with an odd sort of moisture that must have been a result of the sunlight reflecting off of the snow. "You mean so much to us." Lips, cold and chapped but tasting of Z'den pressed against hers then, just for a moment. "Go find your brother."

"I'll have Koth tell Arlith as soon as we know."

"Go."

So the girl went, practically flying from the Weyr herself in an effort to get to the bowl quickly. She was up Koth's leg without even being invited as soon as she noticed H'val had gotten Rilow settled while they waited for her. She settled into the back of the line, wrapping her arms around Rilow's middle as they took to the air and blinked _between_.

It was a feeling she still wasn't used to, and couldn't shake off fast enough as they reappeared in the bright blue sky above Fort, gliding above a small stone Hold and its fields. Her eyes immediately focused on a speck in the middle of the dirt, seeming to move. A wherry maybe? _Too small._ Too small still to be a herdbeast.

Then… what?

_Koth? What is that?_

_ I can't tell, small one._

_ Can we land?_

_ Soon._

But soon wasn't coming soon enough, and the girl leaned slightly to the side to squint her eyes down at the field. The speck, Elrenia realized as they started to dip closer to the field, was actually a small child. A girl dressed in filthy trousers, with dirt smeared on her face as she played happily on the hard, cold ground. She looked up for a moment as the sun was blotted out by the girth of the dragon, but immediately went back to her game. For a whole minute the girl remained oblivious, and then looked up sharply as though the situation finally dawned on her. She'd shot to her feet by the time Koth touched down, a look of awe clear on her face. She stared for a long moment, mouth hanging wide open, before she turned and ran toward the Hold shouting, "Papa! Papa! Dragonman!"

H'val was quick to slide from the blue's neck, eyes trained on his passenger's face to gauge her reaction to the situation. He didn't particularly like what he saw, but didn't say a word. He helped Rilow down, and caught her as she slipped off of the beast next, silently worrying about the fearful anxiety displayed in Elrenia's eyes. She stared at the Hold in the distance waiting on bated breath to see if they were in the right place. She wasn't aware of her brother having had a daughter, and so she found herself unsure that the information they'd been given was actually right. She couldn't calm her heartbeat in the long minutes before the door to the Hold opened again.

The little girl, with her light brown hair tied up in a messy tail, was first out of the house. The soft murmur of her incessant chatter carried across the field to where Elrenia stood with the dragonrider, tense across the shoulders and trembling. H'val rested a comforting hand at her waist, keeping her steady until her eyes widened and she whispered, "Earral." The man stopped walking when she rushed forward suddenly staring in confusion and causing her to halt all movement as well. _Am I wrong?_ Was it possible that this man, with jet black hair and bright blue eyes _wasn't_ her brother? Was he confused and worried about the dragon? Was she causing trouble?

H'val stepped forward and pulled her against his side when she started wavering again, letting out a hitching noise that may have been a sob. He stared at her with pain in his eyes, wishing he could make her feel better even though he knew it was impossible. "Elrenia, calm down," he soothed. "If it isn't him we'll ask him for information and keep looking." He started to move his arm to hug her, but he'd barely shifted his grip around her when the Holder stepped forward again, leaving the young girl at the door. Elrenia pushed back into him, and instinctively he promised, "Everything will be all right, flitterby."

She didn't take her eyes from the man, but murmured, "It _has_ to be him."

"Elrenia…"

"E-Elrenia?!"

Immediately the girl burst into tears, surging forward and out of H'val's grip into the open arms of family. She didn't simply cry, but let out a raw wail that carried across the fields and startled several runners from their stable. Earral's blue eyes widened in shock, but he closed her in an embrace without any hesitation, trying to decipher her hiccupped words and choked explanations. He heard something about fire, and might have heard the name of the young man who lived across the river from Levic, but had to stroke and shush the girl to get some semblance of order.

"Elrenia," he spoke firmly, "if I'm to understand a word you're saying you need to take a deep breath and calm down." The girl took a deep breath obediently, but succeeded only in choking on her own saliva, digging her face childishly into the crook of the man's neck as she sobbed harder. "Dear, what happened to you?"

"Papa?" sounded quietly from the small child, standing anxiously near the door of the Hold. "Papa, what's going on?"

"Go inside, dear. Everything will be fine."

"Holder Earral?"

And blue eyes shot up to the young man standing almost awkwardly to the side, hands fisted at his hips as though he were angry about something. The young man's eyebrows rose curiously as he gazed at the man, staring for a moment before he said, "Blue Rider."

"H'val, of Fort Weyr," he introduced dutifully. "This is Koth." He was pleased to see the Holder tilt his head in acknowledgement at the dragon, feeling keenly how far too often people preferred to pretend that the creatures didn't actually exist. "I… uh…"

"I'm Rilow," the harper immediately came to the rescue, smiling charmingly at the dark haired man. "I believe we should go inside so Elrenia can explain."

This simple comment brought the man to the realization that the dragonrider knew what was happening with his sister. So Earral nodded his head almost enthusiastically, agreeing with the suggestion. "Yes, that sounds excellent." And moving his arms to better guide the young woman, he said, "Come, dear. I'll get you some klah."


	47. Chapter 46

**Its Eyes Were Jewels  
****Chapter 46**

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**_As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being._**

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Blue eyes watched with a sort of apathetic detachment as Elrenia retold the story of the past few months, Rilow entertaining the young girl outside so as to give the adults some privacy. Earral held his younger sister almost dutifully when she leaned toward him, silently begging for a sort of comfort she simply could not get from the weyrfolk, kind though they were. Elrenia needed her older brother, but now that she had him it almost seemed to be lacking. He didn't say a word the entire time she spoke, didn't so much as gasp in shock or disgust. He just listened. And in the end, when Elrenia's tale was done, he nodded his head and said, "I'm very sorry."

It was as though she was speaking to Raid all over again, trying to make him understand the severity of what happened only to be brushed off like some mild pest. But such dismissal from her own flesh and blood had a white hot knife sailing into Elrenia's heart. How could he take this so lightly?

Hearing that H'val's father died had her doing everything in her power to comfort the boy—someone she'd only known for a few weeks at the time. It wasn't that she and Earral had entirely different natures. When she first learned that their meat came from slaughtered animals he was the one who consoled the distraught child. Where had that young, empathetic boy gone? Where was the love she so desired when she needed it most?

Wherever it was, it wasn't in the room with her, and the brunette sunk back into her blue rider despondently. Without question the boy wrapped a protective arm around her waist, leaning over to press his lips to her cheek.

_I love you, small one._

_I love you too._ For good measure she also whispered, "I love you," to H'val. She needed him to hear it, even if he didn't need to.

Unprompted, the boy returned, "I love you too, Elrenia."

H'val knew, of this there was no doubt in Elrenia's mind. Even if he couldn't tell by himself, Koth was surely relaying her terrible thoughts to the boy. The fact that she was regretting coming to see her brother more than she'd regretted anything since arriving at the Weyr. Every time a particularly scathing comment crossed her mind, his fingers tightened convulsively against her hip. The boy was doing all he could to keep her grounded, and she couldn't help but appreciate it.

She appreciated the way that he sat beside her when Earral offered them seats, and didn't say a word when he went off to finish preparing dinner for everyone. It was so strange to feel unwelcome in her brother's presence, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was in the way every time he glanced back at her. He was accommodating of course, as it was the way they both were raised. But clearly she was ruining something. Endangering his perfect little family. His home. His very existence.

The uncomfortable feeling stayed long after the man walked to the door of his home and called out, "Eira! Why don't you come inside? Dinner's almost ready." It stayed when the bright, happy young child arrived with a burst of energy, a smiling Harper behind her.

Almost the instant the child entered the house, she was clamoring to get into Elrenia's lap, demanding her aunt's attention with a wide smile and rosy cheeks. Laying her little head against her aunt's bosom, Eira didn't say a word. She didn't have to, taking care of the weyrbrats taught the young woman how to speak the language of children. Her niece was well aware that she was upset, didn't know how to make it better, but wanted to.

It was the thought that counted, and for what it was worth her mind was taken off of her brother's dismissive behavior. Staying mad was difficult when there was such a bundle of love in her lap. A niece she'd never even heard of. A pleasant surprise.

"You've done extremely well for yourself," Elrenia's voice was rough from her earlier crying, but her eyes were bright with curiosity. This was the life her older brother managed to carve for himself, and it was almost surprising. Better than Levic ever had been, with fields that stretched as far as the eye could see and a stable big enough for multiple runners. "What do you do in the winter months?"

"I save up crops over the year," Earral explained, staring at the woman holding his daughter only for a moment before turning back around to stir the stew he was preparing patiently. "I also have a friend or two down south that send me stuff that I can't get here. We've got ourselves a nice little trade set up. I send down my lame herdbeasts, and the older wherries, and they sent up fruit, and tubers, and out of season produce."

"We never did that in Levic."

"It was Arelia's idea."

"Arelia?"

"My wife."

Eyes narrowing slightly in disbelief, Elrenia crossed her arms. Because while the man hadn't asked her permission to leave so many years ago, he had asked her father, and Arelia was not the name of the woman he'd left them for. Kara or something of the like was. A beautiful redheaded little gem whose laugh (and according to Renzal, this was a quote) flitted through the trees like a gentle summer breeze, and made the stars burn in the sky. The entire family had mocked him greatly for weeks over that one, but it didn't stop him from leaving. If anything it drove him away even more.

No. They hadn't driven him away. Elrenia refused to believe it and quickly continued speaking when her brother failed to explain a moment later, though the expression on his face told her that he understood she had questions. "Arelia?" she repeated incredulously. "Your wife's name is Arelia?"

"My second wife," he amended softly, sparing a glance for the child. "Eira's mother didn't make it through childbirth."

"I'm so sorry," Rilow spoke softly, moving in swiftly to fix the potentially volatile situation when Elrenia floundered at such horrible news.

Maybe it wasn't callousness that had him brushing off her situation then. After her own mother died her father was never quite the same again. It wasn't what she wanted to happen, but it was understandable. More so than her older brother not caring what happened to them. "I… I'm sorry, Earral."

Nodding solemnly in acceptance of the apology, blue eyes drifted over to where the little girl was staring longingly out the window at Koth from her aunt's lap. His love for the little girl was most striking, and Elrenia hated the fact that she'd brought such darkness into an otherwise peaceful home in that moment. She needed Earral perhaps more than she needed anyone else, but he obviously didn't need her.

"Arelia was Kira's close friend, and helped me with Eira as much as she could," he continued on to explain. "I didn't know anything about actually taking care of a baby. Holding you or Renzal when mother was too busy with something else really doesn't count. She's the only mother Eira's ever known."

"Where is Arelia now?"

"With family on Southern. Her brother got hurt a few weeks back, and she's been trying to help them out a little."

It was so strange to Elrenia that she was only just hearing about all of this. There had been a time when she knew absolutely everything about her older brother, but now he was stranger. A man she only distantly recognized living a life that had no room for her.

The thought was massively painful, but she fought the visceral reaction to cry quite viciously. She refused to give into the pain, and the distinct sense of betrayal as they ate, and purposefully discussed anything and everything save the subject on hand. The reason for Elrenia's sudden appearance. Eira, though young and naturally trouble free, could sense the tension in the room and squirmed all through dinner. Asking H'val question, upon question about the Weyr, and dragons, and flying thread as she failed again and again the get her father's attention. He focused on his bowl the entire meal, rubbing the fingers of his right hand together in an old anxious tick periodically.

It was when the tension was getting too much even for her that Elrenia said, "Earral." Voice so soft that the man didn't immediately respond to her. Rilow was the only one who even realized she was speaking at first, but when he cleared his throat the holder turned with a smile. An expression that faded once he saw the look in his little sister's eye, narrowed nearly to slits and creased most unpleasantly at both corners. Clearly the girl was displeased, but the man wasn't sure why.

"Elrenia?"

"I need you to be the man of the family."

"Excuse me?" The man's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as his little sister ran her hands through her hair, snagging her fingers on the thick braid at the base of her skull. Except realization seemed to dawn a moment later, and he narrowed his eyes, looking sharply over at his daughter as she stood and wandered over to the window before he asked, "What do you mean?"

Not a conversation she wanted to have, especially not while her niece was in the room, but she needed to. None of them were eating anymore, and it was just hanging above their heads. So, closing her eyes, the woman allowed a serene calm to wash over her. Every loving, protective, understanding she'd ever gotten from Koth, or Arlith, or any of the other dragons. The dragonmen and women. The Weyrfolk. She allowed these things to comfort her as she said, "Raid refuses to listen to me. He claims a lack of evidence, which I would understand save for the fact that one of his men investigated, saw the bodies, and knows that at least one of them was brutalized. That's no accident. He says he knows nothing about this, but we all know it's because I'm a woman and he's a crabby old bastard."

With a tone just on the side of stern, the man said, "You shouldn't speak of your Lord—"

"Raid is not my Lord Holder." No room for questioning sat within her tone of voice as she rolled her shoulders back and looked her brother in the eye. "He never was. He never will be."

Earral clearly wasn't sure how to respond to this statement, but neither were any of the other men in the room. Even Rilow, Harper Journeyman and good friend, just sat back and stared at her. When no one spoke for several more seconds Elrenia asked, "Will you stand up for me, or not, Holder Earral."

Nothing.

No response.

Of course, it was too much to hope for that her brother would simply step back into the role of protector, defender, voice of the little family that lived at Levic. He'd never been that person when he lived there, when their father was still alive. And now that everyone, everyone was dead, and he was all that she had left, he had more important matters to tend to.

"Papa!" Eira broke the awkward silence with a shrillness that only a little girl could muster. "Papa! The dragon yawned!"

_Are you almost done in there?_

"He's bored," Elrenia explained immediately, no longer fighting the hunch of her shoulders as she turned toward the window as well, giving her brother her back.

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Because he's trying to hurry us along," she spoke softly, running and catching her fingers in her hair once more. She could feel the braid starting to pull apart, but what did that matter? "Why are you staring at me?"

The question was all but ignored in favor of Earral asking, "What do you mean he's trying to rush you? He's not doing anything?"

This wasn't a conversation she wanted to have either. None of these were conversations that she wanted to have, at all. With anyone. Least of all Earral. An older brother she'd had people searching day and night for only to find out that she was unwanted. But this… this especially wasn't a question she wanted to answer while Earral was so indifferent toward the slaughter of their kin. He hadn't shed a tear. Barely batted an eye. She wanted him to scream, and throw things, and maybe hit something. She wanted him to be outraged, but he just stared at her like the fact that this dragon was speaking to her was the only problem.

"He talks to me."

"That's very nice of him," the man murmured absently. "I understand that it's not very often dragons speak to people that aren't their riders."

"They speak to Lessa all the time."

"But you don't hear all dragons."

Of course she didn't, but that didn't change the fact that Earral was not phased. She wanted to hit him, and scream, and shout until he couldn't just ignore it anymore. She wanted to make him react to the bad news, but he was picking Eira up, telling her to wish everyone a goodnight before he cleaned her up and put her to bed. Angry though she was, Elrenia couldn't very well tear into the man while he had his young daughter in his arms.

As soon as he left the room with the little bundle of squirming joy, Elrenia was out the front door. Storming through the darkness to where Koth was lifting his head, eyes shifting from blue, to yellow, to red as he searched through her mind for the source of her mounting distress. With every step that she took toward the blue dragon tears welled more, and more, and got closer to slipping silently down her face. By the time she was close enough to wrap her arms around the beautiful blue's neck, and sob was bubbling up her throat.

_Don't cry. _Not a request made out of concern. A demand. Koth was angry. _Do not give him the satisfaction._

So she didn't. She remained completely stoic as H'val rushed out of the house toward her, knowing exactly what was wrong before he even hopped up Koth's leg and pulled her up behind him. "Rilow is staying behind to talk to him," he explained as they took to the air. "Arlith wants you home. Now."

"Arlith?" That… was not what she expected. The brown? Really? Did that mean that Z'den already knew what was happening? He was going to be even more furious that he hadn't been allowed to join them now!

Except when they landed on Arlith's ledge Z'den, who was leaning against the large beast, didn't so much as flinch. Not even when H'val helped Elrenia down, and disappeared into the sky once more. She'd been standing there for several seconds, unsure of what to do when, "What happened?" rumbled from the man's chest. He didn't even open his eyes as Elrenia sunk to the ground beside him, leaning back against Arlith. The brown wrapped his tail immediately around the tall woman, pulling her in close to his body. Close to his heartbeats. The gesture itself was soothing, but the voice in her mind ensuring her that everything was okay, and she was well loved here was even more so.

"He didn't cry."

Green eyes cracked open slightly as Z'den turned his head toward her then. "I'm not sure I understand."

"I told him that everyone was dead, and he… he… Earral didn't even care. He didn't ask how, or who. He just… nothing. He just gave us dinner, and didn't… How could he not care, Z'den?"

"He cared."

"You didn't see him," Elrenia insisted, running on hand through her messy braid. "He didn't care. I've known that boy since the day I was born. I grew up with him. I… I don't know when I stopped knowing him. He… Z'den…"

"Hush." One strong arm wrapped around Elrenia's shoulders then, pulling her close into his side. "It's okay to cry."

"I don't want to cry."

"You don't?"

"I want to hit him. I… I… I want to hit him until he does cry. I want… he didn't care Z'den! My older brother didn't care that our family was murdered. And he didn't care that I was raped. And… I'm angry."

"Anger is good."

"No it's not."

"Yes," the man insisted, kissing her cheek. "Anger is excellent."

"How?"

"It means you're moving past sadness."

"Does it?"

"Look at me, Elrenia." So the girl turned to face her brown rider, forcing herself to making eye contact with him as she did so. Eye contact was important. And when he reached out to push hair out of her face, she took a deep breath, turned into the touch. "You've suffered a lot. Lost so much. You're grieving. Anger is the natural progression."

"Z'den…"

"When I lost my parents, I swear I just about skipped sad. I was upset, and then I was angry. Furious. At the people who built the bridge that collapsed, at the miners that were working the cave below it, the people they were traveling to visit. I was mad at Arlith, Elrenia. And eventually I stopped being mad."

Quietly the girl asked, "What comes after mad?" Because she didn't like it. Didn't like the bubbling fire in her gut that made her want to scream, and shout, and break things. Didn't like the way it made her feel sick, and destructive all at once.

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On you."

"Z'den?"

The man sighed slightly, cupping the back of Elrenia's head softly as he did so. "Grief is different for everyone, flitterby. I've seen many people lose many things over the course of my life, and no two react the same."

"What came next for you?"

"Nothing."

Squinting slightly in confusion the girl asked, "What?"

"I never moved past anger."

"Z'den—"

"I'm still angry. Every single day I'm angry."

"But—"

"If I'd been there… if I'd just visited more often. Offered to fly them to where they were going—"

"You're angry with yourself," she interrupted immediately. "Just yourself?"

"There's nothing anyone else could have done."

"There's nothing you could have done either," she informed him then, believing it with all of her heart and cringing at the parallel with her own situation. Her own guilt. "No matter what, eventually, they would have had to travel that road. Z'den, will you look at me?" And when green eyes rose to her face, Elrenia smiled brightly. "Guilt is just as bad as sadness."

"Don't give up on your brother, Elrenia," the man requested, turning to lean back against his dragon. "He needs time to process and grieve as well."

"Okay."

So Elrenia waited. She went about her days in the Weyr, and helped with the children, and the dragons, and the meals. Every moment she could spare was spent working on one project or another before Rilow showed up with a request for her presence. Her brother wanted to speak to her, and she realized that Z'den was right. Everyone did grieve in their own way, but just like her, Earral needed some time to himself. He needed time to accept that horrible things had happened, and it was too late to change them.

But it wasn't too late to help her.

When H'val and Elrenia arrived at the little Hold in Fort, it was to the sight of Eira running across the cold barren fields again. Covered head to toe in dust and dirt, an out of breath Rilow following her as best he could. The sight of her aunt slowed the child immediately though, and the harper was more than happy to pass responsibility off to the young woman.

"She's a handful."

"I bet," Elrenia laughed, sinking to the ground beside a small stream and pulling the girl with her. "Tell Earral I'm here, will you?"

"Of course."

It was peaceful at this little hold, with no one around to bother them. Elrenia was willing to bet it was a so much more beautiful when it was warmer though. After the grounds thawed, and the greenery started to grow again. It had been a hard season on everyone, but hopefully the harvest would be fruitful for it. The food hardier. The effort worth it.

"Papa cries at night, sometimes," Eira's little voice caught Elrenia entirely by surprise, breaking her from her thoughts. The little girl, with cheeks just on the side of chubby and the brightest eyes Elrenia ever had the pleasure of seeing looked almost stern as she sat there. Deep in thought. Resigned to the fact that she couldn't currently, if ever, stop the tears. "Usually mostly around the time my mother died. My real mother, not Arelia—she's a good mama, though."

"I'm… I'm glad." No that was wrong. "I'm sorry." No, that was wrong too.

The little girl scooted closer to her aunt on the ground, kicking her feet in the cool water in much the same way that her aunt did, smiling brightly up at her after a few moments. "He was crying real bad the other day, after you left. He tried to be real quiet, so's to not wake me up, but I couldn't sleep. Why was he crying?"

This was not the way Elrenia intended to spend her day. H'val took her to Earral Hold so that she could have a serious conversation between two adult. So they could come to an understanding. An excellent choice considering how close she'd come to literally pulling her hair out just the other day, but how was she supposed to explain death to such a small—_She understands_. It occurred to her so suddenly that the girl was able to matter-of-factly explain her father's reaction to her mother's death, and acknowledge that because of it she got a new mother. This…

"Your other aunt, and… and uncle… and a few other people very close to your father and me… they…" Words sticking in her throat, Elrenia took a deep breath and tried to stay strong. Her sensitivity was starting to wear, and she couldn't comprehend how the weyrfolk had put up with her for so long.

Little fingers sliding up and around her own brought Elrenia out of her thoughts rather abruptly, looking down to where the child was holding her hand, petting her palm to comfort her.

"They died," Eira spoke in a whisper, as though it was a secret. "I know. Rilow told me when I asked him. But when I asked papa, he said that wasn't why he was crying. He was crying because of you, and I don't understand why. You're alive. He should be happy."

Truth from the mouths of babes.

Wrapping an arm around her niece's shoulders, Elrenia tried to figure out the best way to go about explaining the situation. She didn't want to lie to the child, but she definitely didn't want to over step her bounds. Did the child understand rape? Did she even know what sex was? It wasn't something someone so young should ever have to hear about, but would it be worth it to hide the horrible truth of the world outside of her father's protective embrace?

Yes. It was worth it.

"The man who killed our family hurt me very badly," she spoke very carefully to the child. "He did very bad things to our family, but he hurt me very badly and let me live."

"Are you okay?"

Elrenia wanted to say yes, she was okay, but she honestly didn't know if she ever would be. Sometimes she felt better. Sometimes she was almost able to forget that any of this happened, but then it all came crashing back down on her. Every time she started to feel okay again, something happened that made her remember. Every time.

"I'm still healing," she admitted softly, smiling when the girl snuggled closer to her side.

"I'm sorry he hurt you."

"So am I." Taking a deep breath, she pulled away from the child, and turned to look her in the eye. "But he can never hurt me again. And most importantly, he can never hurt you."

"Papa would never let him."

"And neither will I. Neither will any of the dragons, or any of the dragonriders anywhere. You're part of something now Eira, do you know that?"

Eyes widening in surprise, the girl asked, "What am I a part of?"

"You're part of a Weyr now."

The thought of being part of something so big and amazing had the girl rushing off to where Koth was resting in the sun. It prompted her father to approach hesitantly. Fingers rubbing together anxiously. Lowering himself to the grass beside her, Earral didn't say a word for a very long time. What was there to say, really? He was sorry? Of course he was. Just like every person who'd had the misfortune of hearing Elrenia's story. Everyone was sorry. Sorry it happened to her, sorry they couldn't stop it, sorry they couldn't do more to help in the aftermath.

She was tired of sorry.

But she was also tired of telling people to not be sorry, that shouldn't have been her job. Why did she have to comfort people who were upset by her pain? Why did she have to worry about how they would react to her? She was done. Done worrying, done being sad, done being sorry.

"I should've been there to protect you," the man whispered, voice shaking as he did so. Earral was a strong man, he always had been, and seeing him shatter into a thousand tiny pieces broke Elrenia's heart. As quickly as she made up her mind to stop caring about how others reacted to her, she realized that she simply couldn't. But she could stop being hurt by it.

Drawing her older brother into her arms, the young woman cooed at him. Rubbing his back as she tried to soothe the tears away. As much as she'd wanted to make him cry, when she was furious and ranting to Z'den, actually watching it happen… "I'm glad you weren't there," she whispered. "I'd be all alone if you were. Now I have you and Eira. Arelia too, if you'll let me meet her. I still have family."

But the man insisted, "I should've been there," running his hands roughly through his hair. "What he did to you, I… I want to kill him, Elrenia. I want to tear his balls off with my bear hands."

"So do I," the words were soft, and blue eyes searched out her own stormy grey. "I want to do horrible things to him before I watch him die. But crying about this now isn't going to make it better. Scaring your daughter isn't. Look at me, Earral." Holding the man at arms length then, Elrenia smiled. It was weak, but genuine, crinkling the corners of her eyes and brightening her cheeks. "I'll be okay." And just as firmly as she'd thought she wasn't yet, she realized that she would be.


	48. Chapter 47

**Its Eyes Were Jewels  
****Chapter 47**

**(Revised)  
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**_As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being._**

_**A commenter mentioned on the last incarnation of this chapter (very politely, I might add) that it seemed rushed—they were right. I didn't like it when I posted it, but I wanted to post something, so I put up a piece of crap. I apologize to those of you who got there in time to read it. I hope you don't mind having to reread portions here.**_

_**Here's a vastly better version of chapter 47. I hope you enjoy.**_

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It didn't take very long for Elrenia to settle back into Hold life, and it took even less time to realize how much she hated it. It was confining, keeping her cooped up in the house for the first few days she was there, Earral tried to explain that, "It's easy to get lost if you don't know your way around". That was ridiculous though.

Earral's land had one hill, too similar to the Tall Hill back in Levic for Elrenia's comfort, but she never mentioned that. Everything else was almost exclusively flat. Made that way by the hands of man in some areas. There was one spot, right by a thin but deep river that obviously used to be rocky, where carefully shaved, sculpted pieces of wood extended the land. Somehow, Elrenia wasn't quite sure of the method, her brother managed to build himself a fishing dock of sorts, and even managed to become rather proficient in the sport.

What had she done with her time since—_No._ Koth was in her mind before the thought finished, scolding her. _You do not think these things_. Who needed a conscience when they had a dragon?

But she thought it was a valid question, one to be pondered as she leaned against Koth every night on the ledge of H'val's Fort weyr. "What have I learned?"

"You learned maps," the blue rider offered, sitting down next to her with a steaming cup of klah and a blanket. "You learned math, and how to take care of a dragon. How to heal a torn, or scored wingsail. How to—"

"Okay." She laughed. "Okay, I get it." It was important to give credit where credit was due, even to herself, but it was hard. Somehow her accomplishments didn't seem as real. As valid. Earral seemed to agree. He wanted her to stay at the Hold with him and his family, a fact that was become clearer and clearer the longer she stayed. He hadn't actually said anything yet, perhaps trying to rebuild their rapport, but his intentions were obvious.

Every time he brought the supplies for her favorite meal home from one of his brief journeys, every time he told one of her favorite stories, or let her take care of Eira his eyes were screaming, "Stay! Elrenia stay forever!"

Every time she politely smiled and demurely accepted his gentle praise, and gifts her eyes quietly told him, "No."

Polite. Respectful. Modest. They were traits as part of her as her dark brown hair, and blue-grey eyes, but they weren't her choice. Her father, when she was a child, put great effort into make her and her sisters understood their place in the home. He was better than some men she'd met—men like Ronomer who thought that women only existed to serve him. Her father, as clear as he made her role in the family, made it even clearer how _important_ she was. No one made the stew quite the way she did, after her mother past away, and he needed that stew when he came back from tilling the poisoned soil. He needed her to clean the house or it would constantly be in shambles. He needed her to take care of them, because they were too tired to do it themselves.

They tried desperately, for years, to make the land arable once more, but they never succeeded. They couldn't succeed. They'd been so ill prepared for the first threadfall that even after all the spores were killed, and they were promised that their land was safe again, there was no saving it. But they tried. Each and every one of them tried until they day they died, the day that Levic burned to the ground.

It was hard to think that _this_ was what her life used to be. Sitting around the house while her brother went out and worked. She felt so empty without the winged beasts in her mind at all hours. Just sitting in front of the fire cooking, cleaning, and sewing. It was mind numbing in the worst possible way! In comparison to the life she'd been living since getting to Benden…

How had she done it? How had she managed not to go out of her mind with boredom when she was a child? How did she manage to put up with her father, and Earral, and Renzal, and every other man that ever passed through Levic thinking he could control her?

She hadn't.

Every waking hour of her childhood was spent causing trouble. Wrestling with her brothers, who admittedly enjoyed it until their father showed up. Running out on her chores to play in the dirt like Eira did every chance she got. She loved the mud. Loved the sun on her face, and the wind in her hair. She hated being cooped up, but respect and empathy made her mature quickly after her mother was gone. If Elrenia had learned one thing while at Benden it was that she was an independent woman. Even when she was bending freely to the will of her family she longed for freedom. She _enjoyed_ her independence, and to have it taken away so suddenly by Earral was absolutely ridiculous.

"Z'den never made me 'just sit still for once'."

Barely holding herself back from throwing the parchment Earral was having her read across the room, Elrenia closed her eyes tightly. When he first handed her one of his contracts to go over, she'd been excited. This was her older brother letting her into his world. Allowing her to help him. He was treating her like an adult, an equal. The very thought of that was thrilling, set her heart pounding an alternate rhythm when she thought that maybe she _could _put up with being back in a Hold again. But when she finished reading it and tried to give him her input, he just brushed it off.

Two contracts and a heated argument later she realized that he was just trying to keep her quiet and out of the way while she was in his home. Trying to make her feel important enough to stay around, even though he still viewed her like the child he left behind so many years ago. It was infuriating!

When she finally kicked the chair across from her, with was with no regard for the child by her side, Eira simply looked over at her and laid a gentle hand on her arm. "Are you all right, Elrenia?" she asked, voice like that of an adult, eyes seeming to sparkle in the light that streamed through the open door. It was a particularly warm day, right at the end of the frost, and the fresh air was soothing. "You look upset."

Elrenia sighed, straightening the mess she made. How could a five year old be the most mature person in the house? "I'm sorry. I just…" She couldn't lie. Couldn't tell that child that she wanted to beat her father into the ground. "I miss my friends." It was the truth.

"Is it the man you keep asking H'val about?"

Flushing slightly, Elrenia nodded her head, sensing a shift in the conversation. "Z'den." The name almost caught in her throat, made her stomach ache. "I… didn't get to say goodbye to him before I left."

"Oh." The girl stared firmly at the klah heating over the fire for a moment, little eyebrows scrunched together tightly. "Tell me about him."

Except how did one go about explaining the likes of Z'den to someone who had never met him? He was a complex man, if ever Elrenia had met one, and it was his idiosyncrasies that made him who he was. "He's… amazing." He was an enigma, even though he was a good friend. Like H'val, only as his green eyes narrowed into laughing slits in her mind she wanted to kiss him.

The texture of his lips was fresh in her mind. Almost sandy, not soft like a girl. Like H'val's. They were rough, just like the rest of him, even when they were hot and glistening with the sweat of a fever. Thinking about them sent a shiver down her spine, made her hands clench into seeking fists without the approval of her mind.

She wanted to kiss him again.

"He helped me to feel so at home at Benden," she said, marveling at the happy glow on the child's face. "You've never been to a Weyr, have you?"

"Never. Nope. Papa sometimes takes me to gather's though."

It struck Elrenia then how well spoken her niece was. Like a juvenile Robinton, down to the way her eyes sparkled when she pretended not to understand what was happening around her. "Did your father teach you to read yet?"

"No," the girl shook her head, "but a nice Journey-man Harper tried to show me. Gave me some parchments. He was nice."

"A Journeymen?"

"Papa sometimes lets traveling people stay. Mostly Harpers and Smiths. They're always real nice."

It made sense, with the way they grew up. Travelers were commonplace in Levic, they always had been, and they'd always been taught to treat them kindly. Like family. "How would you feel if you were traveling, and no one would let you in for the night?" her mother used to ask, straightening the sleeves of her dress. "It gets cold and lonely out there, so it's important to be kind to everyone you meet."

If people didn't believe that, Elrenia was certain she wouldn't be sitting there, talking to her niece. She never would have made it out of the forest before she got to Kelby's Hold. Never would have survived the night without the kindness of his women.

Her parents had been very wise.

"Is it nice in a Weyr?" Eira interrupted the woman's thoughts, smile wide on her little face.

"Nice is an understatement." It was. "I can't lie to you and say that all Weyr's are, because I've only spent a lot of time at Benden. Spending my night's with H'val and his friends at Fort doesn't really count." Fort wasn't really her home, anyway. It didn't feel quite as warm and comforting, no matter how hard her blue rider tried. "But I've never actually met a bad Dragonrider."

"So they're all really nice like H'val?"

"They are."

"Even Z'den?"

"Z'den—"

"I'm back," Earral's voice interrupted Elrenia's train of thought, effectively shutting her up for the moment. This wasn't a conversation she wanted her brother to overhear, lest he get the wrong impression.

As it was, he hated that she spent her nights at Fort. He never said anything, didn't dare whisper a suspicion, but it was obvious that he didn't trust the dragonmen. They'd grown up believing that the tithe's were old, outdated rituals from the days when dragons were useful. Pointless. Exploiting people who could barely support themselves. Granted, it had been a long time since _anyone_ got tithe from Levic, the point remained that the dragonmen were using the people of Pern.

Elrenia knew better than this, she knew the truth, but her brother didn't have the benefit of her experience. The Weyr didn't bring him back to life. Wasn't directly protected by it. Didn't see the heartbreak on his Weyrleader's face, the rage on her Weyrwoman's to hear her story. He didn't see them fight the dangers of man as fiercely as they fought the dangers of thread. If only he could peer into her mind, just for a moment, he would understand. If he could remember waking up after almost dying of fever to Brekke's cool hands, he'd feel it in his heart. If he could remember H'val staying up later than he should have on her most trying nights, he'd feel it even deeper than that.

But he couldn't remember it, couldn't feel it the way she could, and she couldn't stop thinking about it. Remembering every single thing that was done for her while she was at the Weyr. The clothing she was given, the medicine, the love. Benden gave her a family when her's was ripped away, and what more could she possibly ask for?

_I miss you_, she thought, staring out the window instead of watching her dinner burn over the fire. Somehow the stars were more beautiful from Benden. They were the same stars, Z'den taught her that. Nothing about them changed, not their shape, not their color, but…

"Auntie!"

Jumping at her niece's cry, Elrenia's eyes widened at the sight of the pot boiling over. "Shards!" It was only natural that Earral walk in at that exact moment, gasping before rushing over to yank the pot away from the fire.

"What were you thinking?" he demanded, turning fiery eyes on his sister. "There's a child in the house, and you've already had _one_ burn down."

Elrenia's heart stopped. "W-what?" It wasn't possible that her brother just… but he… Rilow said… "I… I didn't…"

The man's eyes widened, realizing immediately that he just said. What he implied. "No, Elrenia." Were she not about to cry, the woman would have laughed at the look on Earral's face, so much like H'val's the day he kissed her. He realized just how badly this situation could end, and didn't know how to fix it as Elrenia turned and walked from the room. From the house with Eira at her heels.

_Koth?_

_I'm coming._

"Elrenia?" the child spoke the word like a plea, reaching forward to grab the woman's hand. "Auntie, stop." Tried to stop her from walking. Failed. "Papa, make her stop."

"Elrenia, please," the man sounded apologetic, but that didn't change what he said. "I didn't mean it. I… Eira could have gotten hurt—"

"So it's okay to blame Ronomer's actions on me?"

Earral sighed. "Of course not."

"Why would you say something like that, Earral?" she asked, turning around to stare the man in the face. He deserved to see the agony in her eyes. "What would _possess _you to say such a horrible thing?"

"I don't…"

Koth blink from _between_, hovering in the air to take in the situation for a moment before touching down a few yards from Elrenia's side. Eira ran straight to him, touching his snout the way that Elrenia showed her the day they first met. "Please make her stay, Koth," she begged, lower lip quivering in the moonlight. "I just got her, she can't leave yet."

_Small one, the little one is upset._

_I know_. But she turned her back on her brother anyway, walking straight to where H'val laid a calming hand on her arm. _There's just something that I have to do._

"No! You can't go!" Eira cried, throwing her arms tightly around Elrenia's waist.

The woman couldn't help but smile at the display of affection, kneeling swiftly to cup the child's cheek. "I'll be back, sweetling."

This wasn't what the child was expecting, and the tears cleared from her eyes, replaced instantly with confusion. "But… but you can't go!"

"I have to."

"Why?"

Really, there was no good way to explain this situation, because technically Elrenia didn't _need_ to go. Earral hurt her, but that didn't mean she'd abandon him. Not after the pain everyone went through trying to find him. She wasn't going to abandon a family she'd only just gotten, but she needed time and space to calm down. To assess the situation. To tie up some loose ends.

The only issue, the reason he spoke without thinking in concern for his daughter, was that her mind was elsewhere. Miles away on a ledge in Benden, leaning casually at Arlith's side. Where it felt it belonged. She needed to take the time to thank the Weyrfolk for all of their care and support, and explain that it was about time she move to Fort. Permanently.

This was a move they'd had planned for a while. From the moment H'val knew that she'd be searching for her brother, months ago when they first met, he spoke to N'ton about it. The Fort Weyrleader had been more than willing to house her back then, and he was just as willing now.

It would have been nice to just stay with her brother, but she didn't feel secure enough outside of a Weyr. No. Without those multifaceted eyes glowing in the night, she just didn't feel right. Without the dragons on the ledges, listening to everything even as they slept, she felt as though Ronomer and a thousand other evils could just melt through the walls and destroy her without anyone being any wiser.

"I need to go say goodbye to my friends, sweetling," she explained, leaning forward to kiss the girl's forehead. "I'm going to miss them very much, and it would be awfully mean to just leave without telling them where I'm going." Then, as an afterthought she added, "And your father has to think of a good way to apologize."

Though the child continued to pout, she nodded her head slightly. "I guess you're right." And she clearly didn't agree with the decision that was being made, but she begrudgingly accepted it anyway. "But you'll be back, won't you?"

"Of course I will! Now, give me a kiss."

A kiss on the cheek from her niece, a solemn nod from her brother, and Elrenia was climbing up Koth's leg, settling instantly into her spot on the boy's neck. _The little one is upset._

_ She thinks I'm leaving her forever._

A thoughtful pause. _I'd be upset too_.

"I'll see you soon, Eira!"

"Byebye!" the girl shouted back, taking off running across the field the moment the blue was in the air, waving at them until the moment they blinked out of sight. Seven heartbeats and they were swooping down toward Arlith's ledge.

Except the brown barely acknowledged her presence. In fact, he pointedly ignored her, going so far as to turn his entire head away from her when she approached him, huffing irritably at her when she reached forward to stroke his eyeridge.

"Arlith?"

_I do not wish to speak with you_.

"How come?"

_Go away. _

The dismissal stung, but Elrenia nodded her head and obeyed regardless. Arlith tended to be testy at the best of times, he was likely having a bad day. He and Z'den both if the way the man glared at her before turning and stalking away from her was any indication. The way that Red scoffed, and Palmer sort of sighed before following him as he stormed off in another direction.

It seemed every corner she turned there was a new person waiting to snort derisively, glare, and leave. But why in the world? She hadn't even been in Benden for nearly a sevenday! What could she have possibly done to insult so many people?

"You're leaving," Farraline's voice startled Elrenia, turning her abruptly with a hand pressed tightly over her heart.

"Farraline?"

The redhead shrugged slightly, pushing some loose strands of hair over her shoulder. "You're leaving us."

"How do you... I haven't even told anyone..."

"You've been gone for over a sevenday," the girl hissed, crossing her arms petulantly. "And Koth told Arlith. Arlith told Z'den. Z'den raged at anyone who got close enough to hear. Which happened to be anyone, anywhere in the entire Weyr."

"I'm not..." This was not how she'd expected the situation to go. Everyone was supposed to be happy that she'd found her brother. That she got to spend time with him. They were supposed to miss her, but be happy that she was going where she belonged. "It's not like you're never going to see me again."

"Yeah. Sure."

The fact that even Farraline, who'd been nothing short of a terrible human being when she first arrived, was better liked that she was in that moment was shocking. All of the weyrlings in the lower caverns glared and walked away from her, leaving only Manora with a polite, though sad "Hello" to give her. It made Elrenia's tongue swell in her throat for a moment, before she steeled herself and worked to locate her Weyr—no. Lessa wasn't her Weyrwoman. It was abundantly clear that she was no longer a member of the Weyr, when one of the child glared and walked away from her.

She was no longer part of the Weyr.

"I will _always_ be your Weyrwoman, and you will always be a member of this Weyr" the small Queen Rider's voice was uncharacteristically soft from where she stood, sipping steaming klah as she stared down at the girl from the top of the stairs. One of the dragons was obviously listening in one her and tattling.

But nonetheless, "I'm not a member—"

"Don't you _dare_, Elrenia," and the woman was like a spark touching dry brush. Exploding into flames a moment later, stalking down the staircase to where the girl stood. "Don't you _dare_ say you aren't one of us. You've been here for months. We protected you. We helped heal you, and you've helped to heal us."

"I didn't—"

"You will always be one of us. No matter where you go. No matter what you do. There will always be a place for you here."

Struck speechless by the vehemence with which Lessa spoke, Elrenia didn't so much as breathe for several seconds. And when she finally did, it was in a gust as she hugged the small woman before her. Pressing her face deeply into the weyrwoman's dark hair, not so much unlike her own.

"No one here hates you, Elrenia," the little woman assured her, holding her out at arms length. "The Weyrlings are upset. The children are confused. Everyone else understands."

"Z'den?"

"I said the children were confused."

Laughing at this, Elrenia reached out for another brief hug, relieved to feel the woman return the embrace. "I don't know how to thank you, Lessa. From the moment I arrived…"

"You never have to thank me, Elrenia. If there's absolutely anything that you need, you just have to ask."

"This is the reason Mnementh picked you, that day at Ruatha."

"The reason Koth picked you."

For once there was no argument, and the two women smiled before Lessa turned back to the staircase, returning to whatever she was pulled away from while Elrenia left without another word. As she moved through the halls, down the stairs, into the bowl she paused to wish people well. Gave women and men alike hugs. Thanked them. Thanked everyone, because without Benden Weyr supporting her from the moment she arrived, Elrenia didn't know where she would be. But wherever she would have been, she wouldn't have been half as confident as she was now.

By the time she got back to where Koth was sitting in the bowl, she'd yet to corner Z'den. Several times she could swear she'd seen him around one corner or another before he disappeared, but never once did she get close enough to get a word in edgewise. Extended conversations with her friends, with the children, soothed ill feelings, except Z'den…

Z'den who was unable to rid himself of the guilt of losing his parents. Z'den who actually _told_ her about that in order to make her feel better about her brother, was avoiding her like the plague.

It was after several hours that the girl finally walked up to Arlith's ledge, and leaned against his sun warmed hide even as he huffed angrily at her. She didn't say a word, just leaned there, digging her face into his neck, breathing in his scent. A scent he shared with his rider. Oil, and leather. Firestone, and musk. Something like a running stream that she'd never been able to place.

_I'm going to miss you the most, _she thought of Arlith and Z'den alike, pressing her lips against his flank. _I love you._

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_**Yeah, I can only apologize so often for being delayed in posting. But I promise you guys I'll finish this, even if it takes a while, being a full time student while working is difficult. I hope you all are still enjoying it! **_


	49. Chapter 48

**Its Eyes Were Jewels  
****Chapter 48****  
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**_As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being._**

ATTENTION:: _**Everyone should go back to chapter 47 and make sure they read it. I put up a revised version a little while after the original went up, because I wasn't happy with it. Parts of the original are used in this chapter, so don't be concerned if you feel like you've read part of this already. **_

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Arlith wouldn't forgive her. Turned his head further from her at her thoughts, her confession, and huffed. Maybe she deserved it. Deserved the derision since she was leaving them. The dragon wasn't fully healed yet, and neither was his rider. They both needed her, and she was going to leave them. I don't have a choice.

She didn't, but she did. Nothing was forcing her to return to her brother's home in Fort. Nothing ever could. Not really. She was part of the Weyr now, and nothing would ever force her to do anything she didn't want to do again. So, for a moment, she considered staying.

Earral and Eira wouldn't be going anywhere, and she could stay just until her brown rider and his dragon were better! Heal the hurt, all of the hurt, and leave on better terms. It would be so easy to just not go back. All of her belongings, the few there were, were still at Benden. All of her friends. Her protectors, her teachers. They were here, not in Fort. But as quickly as the thought entered her mind, it left. It wasn't truly worth entertaining.

Earral didn't need her. She needed him. She had always needed him, that was why she was adamant that he be found. Her father had always taught her that family was the most important thing in a person's life, and Elrenia had felt so empty without it. Without a brother to tease her. A sister to care for her. A mother and father to love her. The feeling forced her to leave even though she didn't truly want to. Didn't want to make her way up Koth's extended leg and ask to be taken… home. That was the word she used, and the blue dragon looked back at her curiously.

"Koth," she spoke out loud now, so H'val could hear her. Back her up. Stop the beast from being difficult. "Take me home." The swirling blue gem tinted yellow, and the dragon let out a loud breath. Wings fluttering as much as they could with their size. Anxious. The creature was anxious. "Koth?"

_You… are home. I don't…_

"Oh. Well… that…" Please don't make this harder on me Koth. You know exactly what I mean.

_But… small one, this is your home. Why do you need a new home?_

_I don't need a new—_

_Then you want one?_

_No._

_Is it something we've done? Is it Arlith? Is it because—_

"Koth," H'val soothed the beast, ran a hand over his neck delicately. "Just take us back to Earral's hold."

The creature's eye didn't lose its yellow tint, but the beast took to the air. A distinct feeling of loss followed her all the way into the sky. It followed her between to her first official meeting with N'ton and Margatta. Depressed the honor of being offered her own room in Fort, so she could stop sleeping in H'val's weyr. It followed her all the way back to her brother's hold, and stung discreetly when Eira wrapped her little arms around Elrenia's waist and proclaimed that, "I knew you'd come back! Papa! Papa! I told you!"

"Elrenia," the man almost sounded concerned as he touched his sister's cheek lightly. "Are you all right? You're dreadfully pale."

Koth looked sad.

So did H'val.

"I'm perfectly fine."

Except she felt empty as she helped around the house for weeks, even with H'val there to keep her company when the Weyr wasn't preparing for the inevitable threadfall, held off only by a late frost. Even with Koth constantly in her mind, asking her questions and trying desperately to cheer her up she just didn't feel okay. Couldn't feel okay knowing that all the way in Benden, so close yet so far away sat a man that felt betrayed by her abrupt departure.

Z'den knew it was coming. He knew that, eventually, she'd find what she was looking for and leave Benden. But they'd all been counting on him being able to go with her. Even though she had her hands full with a rambunctious niece, and a hold that needed to be prepared for warmer weather, she felt as though she betrayed the man. Like she abandoned him, and it was the worst thing she ever had the misfortune of feeling. The very thought kept her up at night, tossing and turning in her bed even when she stayed at Fort Weyr.

Sometimes she found herself thinking loudly, so loudly she gave herself headaches, trying to get Arlith's attention. Please talk to me, she begged sometimes, when the darkness wouldn't recede at night and she felt lost. I'm sorry, Arlith. Just please. I need to talk to you. But the brown never replied, and Elrenia's eyes were never as bright as they had been the first few days she spent at the Hold.

The only time she seemed even half as happy was when her niece, the darling child, asked, "Please tell me more about him."

Z'den. She was so curious about the man that her aunt missed so dearly. Wanted to know everything about him. Sometimes the questions were mundane, what color were his eyes? Did he smell like papa? Was he a good storyteller? When could she meet him.

"Anyone who is important to you, is important to me," she'd say when Elrenia asked her about her curiosity. "If your family becomes my family, then I can have a big family!"

"Dimglow."

The child stuck her tongue out, and continued her chores. A little warrior, if ever there was one. There was a distinct difference between a child clinging to someone they didn't want to leave simply because it was what they wanted, like the weyrbrats, and the way Eira's eyes welled with tears at the thought of her aunt leaving. The way she pounced and devoured the woman's attention every moment she was around. Earral was an excellent father, if a little strict with the child, but he was not a woman. A woman was what the child needed.

Elrenia had never really understood why children responded so well to the touch of a woman, and woman. They sought the assistance of women when they needed to approach strangers, preferred aunties over uncles, loved their mothers in ways they could never love their fathers. It had something to do with the birthing process, Elrenia knew that, but why…

Every time she tried to broach the subject of Earral's missing wife, asked when Arelia would be returning home from visiting family, the man quickly moved on to something else. Whether or not it would be a good crop year. How fishing was going. Whether she'd heard from the Harpers about Raid recently—as though he wouldn't be the first person that she told.

That was what hurt her the most, dragged across her skin like the claws of a wherry. Whenever he wanted to shut her up he brought up Raid. Levic. What… what happened to her. As though is was casual dinner conversation, and it made even little Eira who didn't truly understand what had happened uncomfortable. "Papa," she whispered one night, after Earral asked about Ronomer, asked if she knew how he was doing. Elrenia almost whipped around and punched the man, but his child said, "Be nice." Ashamed to be chastised by his child, Earral did exactly that. To the best of his abilities.

He excused himself from the table, leaving a pale faced, tense Elrenia with a floundering child. All but ignoring that he'd done wrong, because he didn't care to address whatever the underlying issue was. Eira didn't know what to do as she slipped from her seat and walked to her aunt's side. Stroked her hand gently. Stared at the ceiling.

"Z'den will catch him."

"What?"

More than just curious about the man, Eira was perceptive.

"Z'den will catch the bad man that hurt you. I believe in him." Elrenia believed in him too, but hearing the innocent little girl say it seemed to enhance her belief. "Arlith will help too, dragons have to help their riders."

Nodding her head, Elrenia pulled the child into her lap and cradled her, just needing to hold something until the helpless feeling went away. "You're right." Because if no one else in all of Pern was willing to help her, Elrenia knew that she could rely on her brown rider even though he was mad at her. She believed he could. Good men didn't just stop caring about justice because their feelings were unintentionally hurt. Even if she lost favor with the man, the little children that died in the fire, and cousins, and aunts, and uncles that were murdered had not.

Benden would not forget. The Harpers certainly wouldn't. Raid could try to. He could push it to the darkest corner of his mind, and ignore it. Try to look past it. Pretend it didn't exist, but it would always be there. And as long as someone, somewhere cared, he would never be allowed to forget for long.

Z'den promised he would never give up on finding him. Promised that he would keep her safe but… _Are you listening, Arlith?_ How would he ever know that something was wrong if he couldn't hear her?

"I hate that he's mad at me."

"Why is he mad at you?" The little girl, who'd been sitting there patiently, looked curiously up at her aunt. Craving attention of any kind.

"Because I left—"

"I wanted to apologize, El…"

Elrenia and Earral made eye contact, stared. There was no way he'd heard the things they'd been saying when he was out…

Except he had. He always seemed to show up right when she was in the middle of saying something about her brown rider. Flush high on her cheeks, voice airy with mindlessness, hands sweating. Distracted. In this case, she looked stricken, but she was not discussing their fight.

"Please tell me what's going on, sister. You've been distracted since you arrived, and I'm starting to get very worried."

"It's noth—"

"Very worried."

Smiling slightly at this, Elrenia shook her head. "You're not allowed to come back in under the pretense of apology, and then change the subject." When Eira proclaimed her passionate agreement, the brunette smirked at her brother. "What are you sorry for?"

"I… shouldn't use… what happened to hurt you," the man looked pained simply saying this, but then he'd never been good at apologies. "It's not the same as teasing you for falling into the mud and ruining your dress. It isn't nice, and it isn't a good example for Eira."

"Apology accepted." As a sort of concession, Elrenia admitted, "I miss Z'den."

"The brown rider you're always talking to Eira about," he elaborated on his own, nodding his head when Elrenia blushed. "Is he the reason you keep going to Fort at night, instead of staying here with us?"

"No," a quick reply, almost too quick considering it was the truth. What… was he implying something? Staring long and hard at her brother, she carefully articulated, "He's all the way back in Benden."

"Do you return to Benden then?"

"What?" Disgusted by what he was implying, especially after he just apologized for his bad behavior, Elrenia scowled. Even if he hadn't seen her in years, Earral knew the way she was raised. He knew she would never spend time with a man like that, and he knew she'd been raped. He knew… "No. Why would you even say such a thing?"

"I need to be sure that you're not making a foolish mistake."

"Foolish…" It wasn't fair. Why did he keep going straight to this? "It's nothing like that, Earral. It could never be something like that."

"Then why don't you just stay here?"

"What?"

"Stay with me and Eira, here, at the Hold."

There it was. What was possibly the heart of all their problems, finally spoken aloud. Earral wanted his baby sister to stay with him in the wake of disaster, and Elrenia knew she couldn't possibly comply. Her days as a holder were long gone. Any tolerance she had built up for it was destroyed, and she was unhappy. Well and truly unhappy away from the Weyr. Away from the dragons and their riders. Away from home.

"I can't."

"Why not?" A loaded question, one that was hard to answer without potentially insulting her brother. Purposeful, Elrenia realized after a long pause and examination of her brother's face. He wanted her to talk herself into a corner. Admit to something he suspected, or agree to stay with him. But why?

When they were younger Earral couldn't wait to get away from the family. Getting to marry and move was the best thing that ever happened to him as far as he was concerned at the time. Why was he suddenly pushing to make her stay?

"I belong at the Weyr, Earral."

"If you're hoping that he'll come for you—"

"Excuse me?" Hackles going up so quickly Elrenia almost felt weak. But only for a moment. The moment before she decided that she wasn't going to just stand for him to speak that way about her. To her. About her people. The girl got to her feet and crossed her arms. "What are you suggesting?"

"I'm not suggesting anything," the man defended immediately, raising his hands placatingly. His tone shifted. Accusatory to soothing. What he thought was soothing. As though she was a frightened animal to be tricked by how kind he sounded. How caring. "I just don't think that the Weyr is a good place for you right now."

She was not a frightened wherry. "The Weyr is the best place for me. Right now especially." How was this even a matter of contention? The Weyr was likely the only reason she was alive, but… "What in the world is your problem, Earral?"

Nothing. Not a word, but blue eyes bore holes into the center of Elrenia's face. The girl managed to stare right back, even though her brother's expression was rather disconcerting. She stared until at last the man said, "Bring him," as though it pained him to so much as breathe the words. "This dragonman of yours. Bring him."

"But—"

"They have no right to keep you," the man interrupted before she could get her thoughts out, soothing tone gone. This was a demand, not a request. "You failed to impress while you were there, it's my responsibility to make sure you don't waste away in that Weyr."

"Earral—"

"This is my own fault," the man admitted with a deep sigh. Running his hands through his hair, Earral sat down heavily. "If I hadn't left, if I'd only stayed in contact, none of this—"

"They would still be dead," Elrenia cut him off, failing to pause even long enough for him to react to her statement. She would not have this argument because there was only one correct side. Hers. "They would all still be dead. Your presence wouldn't have stopped Ronomer. Had you been there, you may be dead now too. And Eira as well." The man reacted physically to this suggestion, recoiling and narrowing his eyes. "The only way you could have stopped this is by having married me off to him. And if you'd done that, I'm certain I would be dead right now."

"Elrenia, you can't possibly know—"

"Except I do." And maybe it was impossible for Elrenia to know exactly what would, or could have happened in the future, or in an alternate past, but this she knew. She knew she wouldn't have survived a marriage to that man, that horrible, disgusting excuse for a man. She knew there was no way to solve the issue without some sort of violence. "There was no winning this situation, Earral. Your decisions up until this point have given you a successful Hold, a loving wife—twice—and a beautiful daughter. Don't ever regret that."

"What happened to you?" the man asked then, staring in a sort of wonder at his sister. In the years they'd been apart, she changed so much. More than a person could tell at first glance. "Since when do you talk back like that Elrenia? Since when do you give orders?"

"Since I realized that there was a Queen waiting for me somewhere."

"You... want to stay with them."

"You can't make me leave."

"Because of him?" But now it didn't sound like the man was accusing Z'den of anything. He just sounded... curious. Concerned. He wanted to understand what was going on in his little sister's head, but was having a very hard time. "You want to stay because of him."

"Not just him," she admitted, and it was the truth. "Earral, the Weyr is where I belong now. Dragon or not."

"Brown rider or not?"

Realizing that her brother simply wasn't going to let it go, Elrenia sighed and nodded her head. "I won't lie to you, brother. Because of him too."

"…I want to meet him."

"Earral…"

"Bring him."

"Earral, please don't—"

"If he really means so much to you, and I can see that he does, bring him. I will meet him. It's my right."

But Elrenia wasn't so sure it was the best decision. Her heart ached for him, but bringing him all the way to a little Hold outside of Fort Weyr couldn't possibly be a good idea. Bringing him into her family couldn't be. But that wasn't fair. Z'den was one of the best people she knew, and he saw fit to include her in his family. One of the most sacred things he had.

It was a fact she had to remind herself of every so often, the fact that Z'den had taken her into his home. Introduced her willingly to cousins, and aunts, and uncles. Allowed her to watch him be ridiculed. Allowed her to be loved. It was unfair that she was considering keeping him away from all of that simply because she thought that maybe Earral didn't like him. No. Because she knew that, presently, Earral didn't like him—an opinion that could easily change if only the two should meet.

But the meeting could go badly as well. So badly. Horribly. An irreparable rift between the two could be formed, and then who would she side with? Her brother, who was the only family she had left? One whom she had been looking for tirelessly. One who she cried for, cried because of, and cried with. Or Z'den? A man who'd protected her when she was at her very worst, and continued to do so when she was at her best. Who forced her to strive to be more than she thought possible even when he wasn't within the same hold as her at the moment. Which man would she side with? Would she be willing to part with one in favor of the other forever?

Questions that carried her deep into the darkness of the night, a chill settling into her bones long before a little voice sounded, "Elrenia?"

Looking down, the brunette was shocked to see the little girl walking up to her in the dark. She obliged to wrap the girl in her arms when the small thing dropped into her lap, but didn't say a word. There was no emotion present on her face, but the stiffened shoulders and straight back spoke more than enough. There was the urge to scream just barely stronger than the need to cry, and she kept silent to hide the tremble she felt deep in her throat.

How could she explain something like this to a little girl? Was it possible for one who understood love to be the parent who bent most readily to her will to understand that her aunt was heartbroken? She didn't know, and wasn't particularly looking forward to finding out, but little fingers reached up to stroke the woman's face in a motion she remembered mother performing more than once. An action she'd seen Earral do. The little one was only mimicking what she'd seen work in the past, but it was oddly soothing all the same.

"Auntie, what's wrong? It's awfully cold out here, and you're just staring at the stars. How come?"

"Being outside makes it easier for me to think."

"What are you thinking about that makes you so sad?"

"People."

"Like the big dragonman you talk about?"

Oh, the sentiments of children. Elrenia shifted the girl in her lap to wrap her arms around her firmly, and rested her chin atop the child's head. She didn't want to have this conversation, not again. It was tiring, trying to sort through her own thoughts without having to explain them to someone else. But she was sure sending the child inside without an answer would lead to questioning by her brother. Questions she didn't want to answer.

"I hear you and papa fighting." The child leaned back to stare up at the sky, lacing her little fingers between Elrenia's. "You're always fighting. Is it about the dragonman?"

"Yes," the brunette finally murmured. "It's about Z'den."

"You miss him?"

"I do."

Little hands reached up to cover Elrenia's eyes then, patting her cheeks a moment later. "Don't be upset auntie. If you miss him, go to him. I'll tell Papa not to be mad."

"I can't go to him."

"Why not?"

"He… he doesn't miss me."

"How do you know that if you aren't with him?"

A good question, and before she really knew what she was doing, Elrenia was escorting Eira into the house. Calling for Koth and H'val to come pick her up. It took longer than usual, but the two arrived, looking rather concerned when they did. Small one? The blue tilted his head at her. Are you okay?

"I need to go to Benden," she spoke as she moved up Koth's extended leg.

"Are you not happy—"

"Fort is perfectly fine," she assured H'val with a grin. "But I... Z'den..."

"I understand." And the boy did, taking to the sky, taking them all between before dropping her off in the bowl at Benden to the surprise of every person there. "I can't stay right now, there's business at Fort. You're going to have to get someone else to fly you back."

"Thank you." Elrenia kissed the boy's cheek before sliding off of the blue dragon, stepping far enough away for him to take off again, leaving her alone.

_You are never alone._

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**_So, update on my life. The semester is over, next semester does not look like it's going to be less intense, but I won't be working so I'll have a little more free time to write. I spent my time since my last update outlining the rest of this story _**_extensively**, so it's pretty much written already. The end is finally in sight. There are probably going to be something like six more chapters (don't hold me to that).**_

_**Props to Tagesh for pointing out missing italics for dragonspeak. I didn't leave them out, they're in my word document, but when it uploaded FF must've reformatted them for some reason. I didn't even realize they were gone before I saved and uploaded. **_


	50. Chapter 49

**Its Eyes Were Jewels  
****Chapter 49****  
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**_As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being._**

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It hadn't been very long, but it already felt weird to—"Elrenia!"

"Oomph!" the girl exhaled abruptly as she was knocked to the floor, seven year old boy wrapped around her waist. "Hey there sweetling."

"You're back! Everyone! Elrenia's back!"

"I'm just visiting."

"But you're back. They said you weren't ever coming back now'd you found your brother, and you'd been gone for so long. But we knew you'd be back. You wouldn't just leave us like that! It'd'd been mean to do that, and you're not mean, are you Elrenia? Nope. You're not mean at all. You're better than the rest of 'em, spreading rumors and stuff. I—"

"Breathe," the woman laughed, standing and lifting the boy into her arms, scrawny arms and legs flailing every which way before wrapping themselves around the woman. "Breathe. I can stay the night if you'd—"

"Yes!" Another child wrapping herself around Elrenia's waist knocked the air out of the woman once more. "Stay tonight!"

"Stay!"

"Please stay!"

"All right! All right. Let me go talk to Lessa, then."

The children released her immediately, watching happily as she moved toward the stairs to the Queen's Weyr. Pausing for a moment when she saw a familiar mop of messy blonde hair atop broad shoulders. A stride that mixed confidence, arrogance, and something like vulnerability. Fear. Guilt. Anger. A lot of anger, with his fists curled at his sides.

"Z'den!"

For a moment green eyes widened, and thin lips curled up into a grin before the man schooled his face into a glare. An expression that didn't bother Elrenia much at all. She wasn't scared. Didn't want to give up and retreat. She kept walking toward him, and when he turned to escape, she hurried up and grabbed his arm, jerking him to a halt long enough to move forward and hug him.

"You need to come to Fort with me." The man tensed in a different way then, obviously surprised by what she was saying. "I need you there with me." Despair sounded, "Why can't Arlith fly yet? I want you there."

"Elrenia, it's not Arlith's fault."

"It's my fault for not being a better healer." Elrenia's gut churned at the thought that, if she'd been better, he'd be okay. If she'd been quicker. If… if she hadn't helped at all. "If he was a person, Oldive would have had him fixed by now."

"If he was a person, an impossibly lucky person, he'd be missing an arm. We wouldn't be able to survive scores that severe."

"If Arlith was a person, he could." It was a ridiculous argument, but Z'den was talking to her now, turning in her grip to kiss the top of her head as he curled his fingers around the back of her neck. "Arlith is strong. He's the strongest. He'd be able to survive it."

"Elrenia."

"I just… you need to come. It's not the same without you."

"Nothing is the same without you here." The hand at her throat drifted into her hair, pushing wayward strands from her eyes. "Everyone here feels the lack of your presence acutely. Everyone is... sad."

"Fort is nice, but... it's not the same."

"They don't know you the way we do," the man explained, as though it was the simplest thing in the world. "You didn't feel comfortable here at first either. Let them get to know you."

"But none of them are you."

Elrenia didn't have to look to know the man was smiling, and pressed her face into his neck, breathing him in the way she did to Arlith the day she left. Melting into the arms that pulled her in closer and wrapped her up, sighing at the lips against her hair. No matter how mad he was the day she left, they were still okay, and really that's all that mattered. All that mattered was her brown rider being willing to take her back. For a moment, just a moment, she'd been afraid that he wouldn't forgive her. That he would hold fiercely to his anger, and use it against her. Scoff when she tried to apologize, and spurn her attempts at renewing their friendship. But that was not Z'den, and without having to ask he was taking her up to Lessa to explain that she was staying the night.

"Someone's moved into your old Weyr," the small woman explained with a bit of a shrug. "But you're welcome to a bed in the barracks, or lower cavern—"

Cutting her off without a second thought, Z'den said, "She can stay with one of us." Green eyes shifted to where Elrenia stood, almost observing the two. "Mirah is still here, if you're… uncomfortable with me. Is that all right?"

"Of course it is." And it almost scared her that it was okay. It was very, very okay. Because while it was odd settling into Z'den's bed, she hadn't felt so secure in days. Wearing one of his shirts was strange, disconcerting in a way, but having Arlith out on the ledge was comforting. It never even occurred to her to ask how they managed to move him. It didn't matter. The brown rider was curling an arm around her waist and falling asleep before she had the chance to be afraid, and she was able to rest against his chest without worry.

Z'den was the best of men, and the last person she'd have to worry about. Though, if Earral found out about this, she'd do best to worry _for_ him. To think, a few months ago, the thought of simply being in a room alone with him was terrifying, and disgusting in the same breath. Oh, how things had changed.

The darkness in the room allowed to to reflect, with Z'den's heart beating a steady rhythm against her back. Giving her the chance to just think. To breathe. The ability to trust was back in full swing, if carefully watched the entire time. It was a changed trust. Trusting someone entirely unknown was impossible, it made Elrenia's blood run cold and breath grow short, but that wasn't what trust was about. It never had been. Trust was getting to know someone. Making friends. Extending family. She'd thought that Ronomer had taken that ability away from her, but he hadn't. He couldn't. It wasn't his to take.

When this became her frame of mind, Elrenia wasn't entirely sure. She thought it may have been some time after first speaking to Robinton. When she was beginning to realize that people were on her side. That people would protect her, whether she felt she deserved it or not, and she was never truly alone.

_You are never alone._

Oh, how things had changed when her response to Mirah's excited squeal when she entered the weyr unexpectedly early the next morning was little more than a pale blush and an attempt to roll over and fall back to sleep. Z'den laughed at this, a sound that reverberated from deep within his chest and vibrated through her body as soon as it reached her. One hand, large and calloused, reached up to stroke through her knotted braid. Petting her neck and shoulders until finally she sighed and opened her eyes.

There was something in his green eyes, sparkling through the veil of sleep, that she couldn't quite place. But it settled deep in her belly like fresh klah on an icy day. It worked it's way into her veins and into her lips. Curled them into a grin. Boiled in her belly as a laugh until she finally yawned and asked, "Do I have to get up?" It was the best sleep she'd gotten in days, and the thought of willingly leaving it was downright painful.

"The kids are probably expecting you downstairs," Z'den murmured, continuing to pet her hair. "What do you need, Mirah?"

"Lessa wants Elrenia."

"This early?"

"Tell her I'm not here," the young woman groaned, squirming further under the furs and closer to Z'den. Savoring his body heat. "Tell her Koth whisked me away in the middle of the night, and I'm in Fort right now."

"Koth is sitting with Ramoth on her ledge."

"Of course he is."

"I brought you some clothing to change into."

It was awfully nice of her, but Elrenia buried her head into her brown rider and pleaded, "Five more minutes," like a child. A ten year old desperately wanting to get out of chores. Begging to sleep _just a little longer_, and fully expecting the world to just wait.

But the furs were ripped abruptly from the bed, and the young woman squawked as the cold air accosted her, glowering when the blonde that held her close started laughing again. As though he wasn't cold as well, but she could feel the fine, untamed trembled of his body fighting to stay warm.

"Get up."

"I don't want to."

Mirah laughed at last, using the cloth she was holding to gently fan Elrenia with the cold air until she finally rolled over and snatched the clothing, escaping to Z'den's bathing room to take care of herself moments later. As always, it was an effort to brush and braid the mess that she called hair. An effort to wash the grime that always mysteriously accumulated during the night from her skin. But she was done in record time, and unfolding the fabric to—

"Mirah!" she cried, eyes wide at the beautiful fabric. Not quite Harper blue, and soft to the touch. "I told you not to get me a gown!"

"What was that?" the woman called back. "I can't hear you over the sound of your gratitude."

"Brat!"

"You could always go visit Lessa naked if you'd like. Oh! Even better yet, I'm sure she'd love to see you dressed in Z'den's sleepwear!"

"Mirah!" Oh, but the woman was manipulative at her very best, and she smiled at her reflection. These were her friends. The good people of Benden that would protect her with their lives, if it came to it. "Thank you," softer this time, as she slipped the gown over her head. Settled it into place around her hips. Marveled the way it made her look. Like an actual woman.

"Earral's heart would just stop," the little junior queen rider spoke from the bathing rooms' doorway, lips curled into a grin. Stepping in to straighten the sleeves, she whispered, "So will Z'den's."

"Shut up, you."

"But it's the truth."

Elrenia made a noncommittal sound, and rolled her eyes, allowing herself to be straightened out before exiting into an empty room. Z'den was gone by the time Mirah had finished with her, escaping to whatever his duties had become while he was grounded. That was all well and good, Elrenia decided, because the last thing she needed was to be made self conscious by the man's teasing!

It seemed that all men loved teasing her, and even she had to admit that the easy blush and stammering wasn't the best way to persuade them to stop. She was an easy target, almost safe in that she never really retaliated. Maybe, if she was feeling lucky, she'd snark back at them. Let out a biting retort that would have the women in the room chuckling quietly to themselves while the men tried to figure out whether or not their manhood had just been threatened. More recently she'd tease back, when H'val was being smart with her, but this wouldn't be the case. Not in a dress that managed to make her feel beautiful and impossible vulnerable as well.

"What does Lessa want?" Elrenia asked after staring at the empty chamber for a moment, turning to walk toward the door of her own volition.

With a shrug Mirah followed her out of the room, insisting, "I don't know," even though the lilt in her voice said otherwise. There was a plan here. There was always a plan.

"Shouldn't I eat—"

"Stop trying to stall." With one hand pressing against the brunette's back, Mirah kept her moving even as her nerves started in more harshly. "You've nothing to worry about, Elrenia. Lessa likes you, you know that. She just needs to talk to you."

"And it couldn't wait until _normal_ people are awake?"

"No, I'm afraid it couldn't," the sound of the Weyrwoman's voice caught Elrenia's immediate attention, and she found herself being gazed at. The little woman let out a low whistle at the way the gown swept her ankles, smirking when her eyes rose up to a neckline that was neither too modest nor too lewd. "Mirah did a good job," the woman commented, beckoning the girl in with a wave of her hand. "An excellent job."

Walking forward without verbalizing any of her questions, Elrenia wrapped the hem of her sleeves around her knuckles, knowing she'd been abandoned by Mirah long before she glanced back to check. It was obvious that there was planning afoot here, the question was what exactly the sneaky Weyrwoman had in mind for her. What was dressing her up going to accomplish? Fort was treating her well, so it couldn't be a grab for respect there. Something was going on, and it made her a little nervous not knowing what it was.

"What are you planning?" The words slipped out without censorship. The weyrfolk dressed up on occasion, of course, but rarely like this. A girl going to a gather with the expressed purpose of catching the eye of a Holder's son. Dressed up just on the low end of fancy, not wanting to look too desperate, but wanting to be unforgettable. "I know something is going on here, I just don't know what, yet."

"There is a gather coming up," the woman explained. "Raid is bound to be there with several very important people."

"Lessa…"

"Just hear me out, Elrenia," the Weyrwoman held up a hand to stay the refusal already bubbling up the girl's throat. "If Raid and the people close to him see this beautiful young woman, and hear that he isn't looking for the man that attacked her—"

"That's manipulative."

"But it could work."

"But… the Harpers—"

"So far have failed to convince Raid of anything." When Lessa sighed then, she looked almost tired. Worn out. How long had she been Weyrwoman here? How long had she been the brave rider of Ramoth? The woman who changed the Weyrs, who saved everyone? Longer than anyone really cared to admit. "They're doing their absolute best, but time is not necessarily on our side here, Elrenia."

Unable to deny that, Elrenia sunk heavily into a seat, giddiness dying down under the weight of this new plan. It was a good one that might just get Raid to work, but… "Just once, can you calling me up here be about something other than… other than Ronomer?" Perhaps a selfish request, because the Weyrwoman was a busy person with many responsibilities, but it was hard to accept that good company and delightful food would always come with this price.

"Take breakfast with me, and we can talk. F'lar will be here in a moment with food."

That was that. Elrenia was sitting, and Lessa was waiting for her man, and… and the awkward silence was completely unacceptable. They certainly weren't friends, but Elrenia had great respect for her Weyrwoman. Both fiery and compassionate. Kind, even though she'd seen the woman scoff at the say so on multiple occasions. Lessa only stayed quiet because she was aware of the girl's disposition.

"I'm surprised the cold has lasted this long," Elrenia tiptoed into unexplored territory. As often as she spoke to the little woman, she realized they'd never had an actual conversation. "Normally thread would be falling by now."

"A blessing and a curse," Lessa agreed, falling easily into the topic. "It gives the weyrlings more time to practice, this is going to be the first fall some of them get to fight."

"Do they keep clear minds?"

"Most of them," and the woman smiled slightly looking out toward where the ledge was. Ramoth and Koth likely snoozing outside. The gold had taken a liking to the little blue since Elrenia arrived, or so she'd been told. "There are a few mavericks."

"Oh are there?"

"Has H'val ever told you about his own training?"

"A little," and stormy blue grey eyes twinkled. "But I take it he hasn't told me everything, and you're about to give me something to embarrass him with."

Talking about H'val, about Z'den, about the children was easy. It curled Elrenia's lips into a glowing smile and pulled laughter from her lungs. These were people she loved. People she enjoyed learning more about. Some would call it gossip, but it was impossible to truly know someone without seeing them through the eyes of another.

"What of your man?" Elrenia ended up asking, looking toward the doorway as though expecting F'lar to walk in any moment. "I haven't spent much time around him at all, I feel he's… avoided me."

"He has," Lessa admitted without hesitation. "A… select number of the men avoided you for much of your stay here, worried that their presence would be too disconcerting for you to handle."

The impulse was to be gravely insulted, but instead Elrenia inclined her head. "That was probably for the best." Even H'val, who was one of the least intimidating men she'd ever met in her entire life set her into a frenzy on a few occasions. "But I wish to know him. Them. Everyone has been so kind to me here."

"It was no more than you deserved," F'lar spoke from the doorway, cutting the conversation short. Just for a moment.

As soon as Elrenia regained her composure she smiled brightly at the man. "F'lar!" She made a point of using his name. "It's good to see you."

"And you, Elrenia. How have you been?"

"Quite well."

"How is Fort treating you?"

It was tempting to lie. To go on about how much she loved it there, but there was no doubt in her mind that Koth had already tattled. Told the others that she wasn't as comfortable, didn't feel at home. Perhaps he even gloated, or maybe not. Fort was his home Weyr after all. Maybe he wished she'd like it there better. Maybe he was jealous. No. Not Koth.

"It's… it's not the same over there," Elrenia admitted quietly then, trying to reign in her thoughts as she stared down at her hands. When she didn't look back up after a moment Lessa reached over, tilting her chin up with a single finger. F'lar, sitting with his legs crossed at the table, watched the girl carefully as she struggled between wanting so desperately to look at her Weyrleaders, and falling back into old habits. This was the reason F'lar and the other men avoided her, of course. A perfectly acceptable reason, but she steeled herself. Forced her eyes up and said, "It's not Benden."

"What's different about it?" he asked, careful not to smile at the fact that she obviously preferred them. It wasn't a contest.

"You aren't there. None of you are." The Fort weyrfolk were all good people. The dragonfolk, as a general rule, were. But her time at Benden gave her a sense of community when her entire world had been stripped down to nothing. These people would protect her with their lives, and she _knew_ that. She didn't know it about Fort, and how could she put that feeling into words? "I don't feel safe there. Not the way I feel here."

Finding it hard to argue with a statement like that, F'lar nodded his head in understanding. In a way, he understood. Lessa definitely did. Could bring herself back to the moment that Ramoth cracked her shell. Could remember the vague feeling the moment Mnementh closed his feet around her like a cage and decided that she was the one. Once you know that feeling of belonging, safety after facing great horrors, it's hard to give it up for any amount of time.

But it was important that Elrenia give Fort a chance, and they all understood this. Petting the girl's hand, Lessa insisted, "Give it a little longer," much like Z'den had.

"I will."

"N'ton is a good man," F'lar promised, as though Elrenia didn't already know that. "He will protect you like you're his own flesh and blood."

"Yes..."

Conversation was not an easy thing at first, but eating made it easier. Gave them excuses to keep their mouths shut and pick apart potential topics in their minds. "How is your brother?"

"He's fine."

Clearly that wasn't one of them, and though Lessa raised a curious brow, she didn't question it when F'lar immediately moved onto another topic. He knew when to push, and he knew when to move on, a necessity when one was in such a powerful position. Lessa understood the subtle nuances just as well as he, but occasionally chose to overlook them. Just not now. Not while Elrenia's shoulders relaxed into the topic of star charting, and how intrigued she was that everything looked different from her brother's hold.

"They're all still there," she said pulling a picture from the other night into her mind, wishing she could describe it. "But they're not the same."

"The sky is not static," F'lar said. To think, when she first came here she didn't even know how to work a map, not really. "Everywhere on Pern looks at different points."

"But isn't that just intriguing?" She understood, sort of. Z'den had explained it some months ago. Before the frost settled in and kept her inside most nights. He explained that there were more stars than she could ever count, and they weren't all the same. He was no expert, he'd said as much, but to her…

_Small one,_ Koth's voice made Elrenia's eyes go distant, head tilting just slightly as though she was trying to open her ears further. _The little ones are anxious for you. You must not neglect them_.

_I would never_.

_Show them._

"Lessa—"

"I heard," the woman said with twinkling eyes. "That blue does adore you."

"The feeling is mutual."

"Go, spend time with the children. They've missed you."

Happy to oblige, Elrenia thanked the two for breakfast and their good company before walking toward the stairs. She thought, briefly, that she could be friends with the Weyrleader and his lady. For one, her personality was nothing if not compatible with the two of them. They weren't so alike as to be boring, but were close enough to avoid constantly butting heads. Except she would never be their equal—_Not until I impress. _

Somewhere out there a queen was waiting for her. Maybe she was waiting to sit on the sands at Ramoths side. Maybe she was in Fort, or… or somewhere else entirely. Maybe she wouldn't be born for another few years. But when she was, Elrenia would be there. She would be at every Impression until her queen found her at last.

She was almost halfway to the bowl when pounding footsteps on the stairs behind her made her tense and turn, ready to fight. Except… "Z'den?"

"Elrenia!" His voice was tense, more so than even his shoulders, and those were nearly pulled up to his ears. "I need you."

Her stomach knotted. "What's wrong?"

"Get to my family," the order was so blunt that Elrenia just stared for a moment. "Koth is going to fly me straight as soon as we can, but I need you to go _between_ immediately. They've got their hands full, and they need help."

Without question Elrenia turned, prepared to run to Z'den's weyr and get her flying gear, the girl managed to pause long enough to ask, "Why?"

"Alana is in labor."

So his family needed all the help they could get. All of the men probably ran screaming, leaving the women to care for the Hold, the children, and the mother to be. Typical.

Z'den's pants were too big for her, but it wasn't something a belt of leather wouldn't fix when cinched tightly. One of his shirts was tucked inside it and she was pulling on the jacket H'val had given her months ago. This was something she would do for her brownrider, and Elrenia was grabbing the nearest rider with a simple request. "Get me to Z'den's home. His Hold. Now." No pleasantries. No polite questions as to his health and the weather. But one look at Elrenia's face and there was no argument.

There was a knot hardening in Elrenia's stomach. A knot that said only bad things were coming. The green dragon she was being pulled onto almost lifted her leg out of the woman's reach, resistant to the thought of taking her anywhere. But why? All of the dragons liked Elrenia. And while they'd been acting oddly lately, she'd never seen one pull away from her like that.

Something bad was coming.

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_**I just wanted to thank everyone (old and new) for the wonderful reviews. They're always so heartening. I already have the next chapter written so it should actually be up in a timely fashion (yay!). I hope everyone is doing well, and had a happy new year.**_


	51. Chapter 50

**Its Eyes Were Jewels  
****Chapter 50****  
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**_As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being._**

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After apologizing to Elrenia for his green's rudeness, the young rider managed to calm her down enough to pull Elrenia up and whisk her _between_. The trip took an eternity, but no longer than usual and he was dropping her off at the weaver hold. Wishing her good luck toward her endeavors before taking immediately to the sky again. With good reason. Even through the thick stone walls, Elrenia could hear Alana screaming, crying, shouting things at her husband that were so filthy that the girl paused with her hand raised to knock on the door. Did she really want to be in there?

Not with that kind of language, she didn't.

But Z'den wanted her there, so after a moment the girl took a deep breath and called out, "Radez?" A simple name that beckoned the man who owned it to the door. And the smile he gave her the moment he saw her face was well worth the trip.

"I was hoping Zariden..." The man paused, and cleared his throat, "Z'den, I mean, would send you."

This was surprising, what with their single meeting making her feel less than qualified to be the one chosen to help out, but she smiled kindly. They'd liked her when Z'den took her to dinner that night. The entire family did, and they'd been so kind. "Why me?"

"He said you were good with children."

Breath sticking in the girl's throat, she barely managed to choke out, "Not… not _birthing_—"

"By the egg, no child. Jasara and her cousins."

"Oh. Yes. Of course, I can help with them."

If she could keep the weyrbrats calm on a daily basis, if she could control a lonely, rambunctious niece she could control the likes of a few hold children. Granted, this was some excitement she'd never truly had to deal with at Benden. Even though she'd been there for a few hatchings, the children had never been involved. Maybe that had been done on purpose. Maybe the senior weyrfolk understood that she couldn't possibly be prepared to care for children under those circumstances and took pity on her. Maybe she was over estimating her abilities. But before she could recant her offer she was being stared at by over a dozen curious children, only a small handful she recognized from her last trip.

"Listen to Elrenia, children. Do you hear me?"

"Yessir."

Radez left Elrenia almost as soon as he showed her to the room the children were holed up in. There were two older girls, maybe fifteen turns by a rough estimate, and the significant lack of baby fat. Though they seemed to be holding down the fort well enough, they both look extremely exhausted.

One of them looked up at her when she entered and hoisted herself up from the floor, making sure not to disturb the furs covering one of the little ones. "I should go prepare food—"

"Sit down," Elrenia ordered the young woman before she even finished her thought, motioning to the small group of sleeping youngsters she was about to abandon. "Make sure they stay asleep, and I'll handle the food. Jasara?"

"Yes?"

"Would you like to help me?" When the child looked suspicious, she elaborated, "It'll get you and your cousins out of this stuffy room and all."

"Oh, yes!"

"Good, then come."

The children were fairly well behaved, all of them seeming tired and spooked. When a shrill shriek sounded from the other side of the hold, and one of the youngsters woke up and started crying, Elrenia understood why.

At their age she hadn't understood what birth entailed. She understood it meant a baby was inside of a woman. Understood that it hurt an awful lot. But… but that wasn't much. Wasn't enough. It wasn't the same as holding her own cousin's hand while the girl screamed and tried to force a little life from her body. Watching her bleed. It certainly wasn't the same as giving birth herself. Birth was supposed to be a happy time, she understood that as well. But with the amount of agony… Elrenia wasn't entirely sure how that was possible. The crying didn't help much either. Just when everyone started to doze off a cry from one of the children would wake them all yet again, and it was a surprise they weren't all a bunch of wherries after this!

So she sang while she worked. She was no Harper, but she sounded decent enough. One of the happier tunes she knew, one of the ones her mother used to sing. Now _there _was a woman with a voice of beauty. Her mother was always singing before she died, and when she did she took the music with her.

It was time to take it back.

Slowly it got the attention of the children between screams from Alana, got a few of the older girls to even sing along while they carefully sliced up root vegetables and tubers. This wasn't going to be a spectacular meal. This was not Elrenia's kitchen, and she couldn't find anything. Many of the children had no or little experience in the kitchen what with their young age. Most of the older girls, Jasara explained, were roped into helping with Alana. This was all well and good, of course, but it made things especially difficult when two young boys started rough housing across the room from her.

"Watch yourselves!" Elrenia all but snapped, energy and patience draining from her with every scream from across the house. Closing the door dulled the noise a little, but not enough, no where close enough to—

"Elrenia!" the shout startled the girl into dropping her spoon, splashing soup everywhere, but the young man who shouted at her didn't look the least bit apologetic when he plowed into the room barely avoiding knocking several children to the ground.

Incensed, the woman straightened a child while she tried to say, "That is no way to behave!"

She barely got a word out before the boy grabbed her arm, yanking her almost viciously out of the room, shouting, "Elrenia, we need you to talk to Fencer!"

"Fencer?" She questioned as she instinctively pulled herself from his grasp, coming dangerously close to striking him when he turned to grab her again.

"Our fire lizard!" He cried out desperately when she narrowly avoided his seeking hands once more. "Please!"

The desperation on his face, the way he pleaded, all red faced and trembling had her sighing and following him reluctantly much to his obvious relief. He didn't try to grab her again, but kept looking back at her, as though he was afraid she'd run away the moment he let his guard down, so she started talking, "Why do I need to see Fencer?"

"Because we need to send a message!"

"I don't—"

"Alana…" He looked stricken when he looked back this time, before turning into a room. A library of some sort, elegantly decorated with grand tapestries that she wouldn't have expected to see in so small a hold. Craft hold or otherwise. "We need Z'den. All right? We need him now, and Fencer is the easiest way."

"What do I need to do?"

"Give him the image."

"Image?"

The boy wasn't making any sense as he leaned over a table, scrawled the words "Come now! It's time" on a piece of paper and shoved it into her hand. "Fencer!" A tiny blue dragon was there in an instant shining in the glowlight, much like Koth, and when his little head tilted curiously Elrenia smiled. Fencer was a tiny version of her beloved blue, and when he fluttered over to sit on her forearm she smiled even wider.

"Show him."

"Show him what?!" The lack of communication was truly frustrating to Elrenia, because as much as she asked the frantic boy refused to give her actual information, but the little blue kept her moderately calm when he let her scratch his eyeridges. She wasn't mad at the boy, of course. Things clearly weren't going as planned, and quite frankly the terror in his face was contagious. It made her feel ill. But she still needed to know exactly what was to be done, and repeated, more calmly this time, "What do I show him? What do I have to do?"

What made her feel worse was the fact that she couldn't do _anything_ until he finally snapped, "Show him Benden! He needs to see Benden to go to it!"

"Oh!" So she summoned the best picture she could in her mind. The sun in the sky like a beacon. The beautiful face of the building, warm and inviting. Heated by the sun. The bowl where the dragonets would relax very soon. An image all but burned into her mind from when the world was starting to grow cold once more. Once she was certain she'd given the creature a clear picture she looked him in the eye and said, "Please bring Z'den back here. Right here." And the blue blinked _between_.

The boy looked so relieved then, lunging forward to hug Elrenia before jerking back in shock of his own actions. But Elrenia drew him forward again, cradled the back of his neck when he wrapped around her. Stroked his back when he trembled.

Something was terribly wrong, and the knot in her stomach grew larger, heavier. But she managed to say, "I don't know your name, sweetling."

"Alan."

"Alan is a good name."

"S'my father's name, it is." Pulling away so he could stare sheepishly up at the tall woman, Alan said, "I'm sorry I grabbed you, Zafer told me not to, but you weren't comin' fast enough."

"It's okay Alan, I understand." And though she couldn't condone his behavior, she was willing to forgive it for the time being. "Now… what's going on?"

"Alana…" The poor boy choked on the woman's name, lips trembling when he did. "She's bleeding too much. Ama is scared for her. We need Z'den."

"What can Z'den do about it?"

The shock and horror on the boy's face told her everything she needed to know before he burst into tears, sobbing that he didn't know who else to call. Who else would help? Who else _could_ help? There was no one. "But I love her so much!" he shouted, crying harder still. It was heartbreaking. "She's all I have now dad's gone, and I—"

"Hush, darling, hush." Elrenia kissed the boy's forehead and held him close. "Alana will be fine."

"You didn't see the blood!" he insisted, pulling frantically at his hair in a way that reminded Elrenia too much of herself. This wouldn't do. This young man shouldn't be allowed to be so upset.

"Alan—"

"This is her first," the boy explained, sliding down the wall to sit. "Alana and Nasor've been married almost a year, and this is their first baby. She's wanted to be a mother her whole life, Elrenia. It's all she's ever wanted."

"And she'll have her baby, just you watch," she assured. But when she went to sit beside him on the ground he pushed her away from him, buried his face in his knees.

"What's a baby worth if she dies trying to give it life?"

"Alan—"

"I'll always hate it," he said, looking so disgusted with himself as he did. "I won't want to, but I'll hate it forever if it kills her."

"That isn't fair—"

"_Nothing is fair_!"

"We can always get Oldive here."

"He would never come _here_!"

"And why not?" Elrenia knew exactly why. It was the same reason that no one could possibly ever have wanted to go to Levic. It was so small. So useless. No one cared about it. Who was Alana to a man like Oldive, who cured the likes of Masterharper Robinton and Weyrleader F'lar? He had trainees who worked these little places, and why wasn't there a healer here already? Was there? Was there nothing else that could possibly be done to save this poor woman? "He will come if we ask him to," Elrenia assured the boy when she realized she hadn't spoken for a long moment. "We just have to wait for Z'den to get here, and we can get his escort to get Oldive. They won't mind." And if they did, Elrenia would shout and carry on until they decided they could do her this one thing. If she had to go and drag Oldive here in person, she would, and she told the young man as much. "I will not give him a choice."

"Elrenia—"

"No, Alan. You listen, and you listen _well_." Turning in the middle of the hallway so she was face to face with the boy, Elrenia said, "Oldive _will_ come here, whether he wants to or not. Alana is just as important as anyone else, and if we need a dragon to time it to get here in time, we will. I won't allow her to die."

Alan's chuckle was watery, but surely it was better than nothing. The shadow about his eyes lifted slightly, just enough to get them both to their fight. Both of them were completely exhausted, though it wasn't quite noon yet, but they walked back to the children all the same. So the boy could rest, and Elrenia could finish cooking.

Food would be ready to eat very soon, and Elrenia figured poor Alan needed a warm cup of klah regardless. Or water at the very least, he looked so pale. So sickly. Elrenia wanted more than anything to just _fix_ everything, but couldn't. She knew she couldn't even as Alan thanked her profusely for the klah and collapsed into a chair.

The children didn't approach him, and didn't ask what was going on. They just went about their various chores with grim expressions. The screaming had stopped, but there was no crying. No crying from a baby, no crying from the adults…

So Elrenia sang more. Left the door open so spirits could be lifted through the house. Just for a moment. Everything would be okay if they believed it would be.

"Elrenia!" Ama's voice was brittle and tired when she walked into the room, and the brunette was rushing over to usher the woman into a seat. "You're too good to me, child."

"What do you need?" Elrenia sounded tired as well. She'd only been there for a little over an hour, by her reckoning, but it felt like an eternity. It felt like an eternity where a thousand things were happening a second, and the old woman was gratefully accepting the bowl of soup she was being given.

"I hate to ask this of you," she spoke after swallowing a spoonful, "but the runners are all locked up for the day, and—"

"_What_ do you need, Ama?" Z'den sent her to help, and by the egg she was going to help. "You don't need to worry about apologies and nonsense."

Sighing heavily, Ama touched Elrenia's cheek and said, "Quite a ways down into the fields is a shed. We need the extra wood."

"Okay."

"We only keep it for emergencies," the woman explained further. Maybe she felt it was necessary, since she was sending the girl—a visitor—on such a chore. "We've run out of what we have here already, boiling as much water as we have been. Trying to keep the house warm enough."

"Don't worry. I've got it under control."

"Bring a cart," the old woman warned. "You won't be able to carry it all by hand."

"I will. How much do you need?"

"A lot. Enough to last us the night, dear." Ama rubbed her eyes, and picked up one of the children. The little girl stayed quiet and settled in, burying her face in the grandmother's bosom, breathing in her smell. A safe smell. The smell of family. In return, the old woman held her closer. "I'll have the boys cut more when they all get back."

Nodding her head, Elrenia smiled lightly and said, "Don't worry." It brought her back to her days at Levic, when she was forced to do these chores all the time for lack of help. She hated chopping wood, but if this was already handled and all she had to do was transport it, she wasn't going to complain. It was the least she could do for the tired woman and her family. "You watch the children and rest."

"I'll go too," Alan said as he got to his feet, rolling his shoulders and stretching his back. "I'll help."

"No, sweetling." Elrenia shook her head adamantly. "You stay here and rest."

"It's going to be heavy, Elrenia, and you're going to need a couple of carts."

"Alan—"

"I'm not asking your permission," he said as he pulled on a jacket. "I… hate just sitting here, not doing anything. I want to help, okay? Let me help."

"I… All right." Maybe getting the boy's mind off of things would make him feel better. Make him forget that Z'den wasn't here yet, and there was absolutely nothing he could do to save his sister's life. Maybe it would help. "We'll be back soon."

"You're amazing, child."

Amazing. She was amazing. Being able to do anything at all was enough for her, but amazing? That would have taken her breath away. It would have if she didn't need it in order to jog through the cold, winter barren fields to a rickety looking old shed, dragging an old cart behind her all the while. There was heavy hide over the large bundle of wood, protecting it from being dampened by the rain and snow that happened to fall through the holes in the roof. Missing stones in the wall only helped to dampen the wood even more, and she wondered why no one had ever fixed it. Surely it would have been easy to do so.

With a little repair the shed could be extremely useful. A way station of sorts when thread returned. Food, likes grains, could be stored in pots. It could be used as a drying shed for herbs or meat! There were so many possibilities, and yet it was being used to store wood. Poorly.

Surely there was a reason for this, and Elrenia made a mental note to ask about it after they were finished with the wood. But not before she slipped her coat off, and tossed it onto the cart with the wood, fanning her face lightly. All the running about was making her break a sweat. All the work was. It'd been an awful long time since she'd had to do actual work. The Weyr had spoiled her, and she laughed even as her stomach roiled with an uneasy feeling.

The Weyr made have spoiled her, but it had taught her more than enough to make her marginally decreased stamina worth it. The fact that she was able to smile at Alan's jab about the red, blotty color of her face was proof of that. "Oh, shut it," she warned without venom. "You aren't exactly better off."

"It's too warm for these coats," he laughed, taking his own off as well. "I'm surprised. There was a frost just this morning. Maybe we're finally moving out of the cold."

"That would be a blessing." And a curse, just like Lessa said. The warmth would bring fresh food, and clear minds, but it would also bring thread. Just the thought made her skin crawl, and she said, "Let's fill the other cart."

"Will these two be enough?" Alan asked. "Is there even enough wood in there?"

A good question. The carts were rather small, and they'd need to make several trips to get enough back to the house in them. "Not if we need to heat the whole house tonight, no…"

"What do we do?"

"Do you know where they keep their tools here?"

"Of course."

"Go fetch an axe," Elrenia said, motioning toward piles of snow covered, uncut wood. "We'll find the dry pieces and chop up as much as we can. In the meantime, I'll reorganize the carts so they can carry more back to the house in one trip."

"You sure?" The boy didn't look very happy with the plan, and shifted anxiously. "I can do the heavy lifting, while you go get—"

"_You_ know where the axe is, not me. Go get it, then hurry back, okay? Stop looking like a frightened wherry. What's wrong?"

"Nothing… I…" The boy peered at the sky, before shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know. This just doesn't feel right."

"Nothing feels right," Elrenia agreed gently, stomach churning further, tightening around the knot that had been there all day. "We're just both worried about Alana. For all we know, Z'den got here while we've been messing with the wood. Get back to the house, and get what we need, okay?"

"Okay." The boy nodded his head, but still stared nervously for a second. "Are you—"

"I'm sure!" the woman laughed, and pushed the boy gently in the direction of the house. "Now move, before I give you a swift kick!"

The smile Alan gave her broke the tension, and the tightness in her belly lessened as he ran off. "I'll be back soon."

"Get going!"

Once the boy was out of sight she looked at the wood, haphazardly tossed in the cart, and sighed. The cart, made to be pushed by a person instead of pulled by an animal, was oddly shaped. Narrow at the bottom and wider at the top, which made stacking a tricky affair. Even piles couldn't happen. It was a poorly designed monstrosity, but Elrenia tried her best, coming up with a pattern that gave hollows for actually stacking the pieces. By the time she was done it fit almost a third more wood than they had the first time, and cut the pile in the shed in half.

_Good._

Fanning herself again Elrenia rolled up her sleeves, and turned to squint up at the sun, noticing for the first time the eerie silence that consumed the world around her. Quiet like a hold after the death of a loved one. Not so much as one of the wild wherries she knew lived in the area rummaging for food. The way her stomach clenched and her blood ran cold told her everything she needed to know long before her eyes caught sight of it. In the distance, gray clouding the horizon like a nightmare.

"No."

Thread.

But it couldn't be. Thread wasn't supposed to start falling for another sevenday. It was still too cold for the wriggling spores to survive while they fell to the ground, but it wasn't cold. The sweat on her forehead, she realized then, may have been from more than just the work she was doing.

It was warm out. The sun heating her flesh would have been pleasant if not for the fact that it somehow felt like ice. She was frozen in place. Staring. Because it _couldn't _be thread, but it was. There was no way she could ever forget the way it looked falling from the sky over the wherry field. The way her stomach knotted in primal terror at the sight of it. "No."

Stormy eyes looked around frantically, trying to find _anywhere_ she could go to hide. But there was nothing. The trees wouldn't protect her. The shed at her side wouldn't be able to protect the wood inside it, let alone her. She could try to run back to the Hold, but it couldn't possibly work. It wouldn't work. Her feet ached at the very thought of it, but she ran anyway. Maybe there was a rock somewhere along the way that she could hide under. Another shed. Maybe… anything. There had to be something, and Elrenia refused to let tears come to her eyes as she pumped her legs against the ground. Running faster, and harder than she ever had in her life. This was not how she was going to die.

There was so much she hadn't done yet! They had only just found her brother, and were still trying to bring Ronomer to justice. There was a _queen_ waiting for her! Elrenia was supposed to be a rider, and she knew it. It was what she was meant to do and she couldn't die before she had the chance!

Except the leading edge was moving quicker than she was, quicker than she could, falling a little bit closer every time she glanced over her shoulder in terror. This was it. This was how she died. Trying desperately to help Z'den's family. Wanting nothing more than to make things okay for them. She was going to die. "No!" as though screaming at the skies would make it better. "_No!" _ She just couldn't believe this was it, and something swept down above her.

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_**Ha. Do you all remember when I had a solid, once a week, Sunday schedule? I do. I won't promise it's back, but I promise I'll try. The next chapter is written already. And several people have asked in the past few weeks when the story will be wrapping up, and I'll repeat what I said a few chapters ago-The story is extensively outlined and will be coming to an end soon. Very soon.**_


	52. Chapter 51

**Its Eyes Were Jewels  
****Chapter 51**

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**_As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being._**

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Falling to her knees as the force of the wind knocked her off balance, Elrenia didn't want to think of what it would feel like. How the thread would eat through her flesh. How it would burn. She'd been told it burned. It burned, and ripped, and tore, and she screamed when something grabbed her until a voice shouted, "Come here!"

What?

Looking up, Elrenia saw nothing but a silhouette atop a dragon. She saw nothing but darkness with the sun glinting sharply from behind, and a smudge of gray still approaching on the horizon. She saw nothing until the man leaned precariously close on the back of his brown dragon, snapping, "Come here _now_!" and then she saw his eyes. His green eyes, and serious expression. Too serious.

But it couldn't be.

"Z-Z'den?"

What was he doing away from the Weyr? It was the only question in her mind that moment, and Elrenia wanted to _scream_ at him. How dare he put himself in that kind of danger? How dare he put _Arlith_ in that kind of danger? The fury that flowed through her then was almost overwhelming, because Arlith wasn't yet fully healed. There was no reason for him to be away from the Weyr, and if he got wounded further because of this, she was going to beat Z'den to death. Well, half to death. How did he even know she was out there anyway? How did he know she was in danger?

"Move, you _deadglow_!"

And she moved. Elrenia was on her feet in a moment, stepping up Arlith's leg. Once she was within arms reach, Z'en moved forward and grabbed her, forcing her underneath him. When she tried to straddle the beast Z'den grabbed her legs and tucked them up under him as well, shielding her body with his own as he pinned her and they took to the air. Glancing to the side, to Arlith's great big wing, Elrenia watched him fly. Moving so quickly through the air, it looked as though he had no threadscores. Nothing. No sign that thread had ever eaten through the wingsail and left him grounded at all.

Before she could ponder it for another second thread hit. She knew because of the grunt that Z'den let out, curling his arm around her even more tightly. Blood dripped onto her face, and her heart pounded in her ears as they soared, blinking into and out of _between _just for a moment. Zipping away from the leading edge, straight to the hold where she was dropped to the ground from several feet in the air before Z'den disappeared on Arlith's back.

Landing on the ground hard, all she could do was stare at the spot where her brown dragon and his rider used to be. How had this happened? It… "No." Twice they were heavily threadscored. This… "No!" This wasn't fair! This couldn't be happening! Not again! Before she could stop herself, she was screaming, tears spilling from her eyes all the while.

The two had barely survived the first time, and there was no chance they'd make it this time. Not while she wasn't there to stop the brown from jumping. How could Oldive save both Z'den and Alana at once? There… there was no way to win, and she stood there sobbing at the pain of her loss, screaming, pulling at her hair so frantically that the occupants of the Hold rushed out, gasping first when they saw her, and again when they saw the leading edge.

"Stop!" Zafer shouted, rushing forward to stop her from running back out, to entice Z'den and Arlith back to the little hold. He tried to pull her back to the house as she desperately struggled. "What happened?!"

"Z'den!" was all she shrieked, as though she could force the man to come back. An excited and confused Jasara was explaining what she'd seen through the window, and suddenly it was through sheer force of will that Zafer was not crying himself. Z'den was so important to him, more than just family. A close friend. He was important to all of them, and the man hugged her as tightly as he could, and used all of his strength to keep her in place when she struggled.

"Elrenia!" he said, voice gravelly, digging his nails into her arms to get her attention, but the stinging pain only intensified her fighting. "Elrenia! Enough!"

"Z'den!" she screamed it, staring up into the sky where the man had disappeared with Arlith. "Z'den!" She shouted as though he could hear her from _between_. "Z'den! You _bastard_! Come back!"

"Elrenia!"

This couldn't be happening. In all her life she'd never felt as physically ill as she did at that moment, and she fought. Elbowing Zafer in the stomach, she managed to get a few feet away before he was grabbing her again, out of breath and crying as well, but desperately holding her all the same.

"Z'den!" this was a sob, as she wrenched her entire body so roughly that Zafer drew blood from one of her arms. "Z'den!" The man wouldn't let her go, and someone helped to pull her back closer to the house as the Thread drew closer. _Don't leave me_.

_We will not leave you, dear one_. She was shocked by the roughness of Arlith's voice, so similar to his rider, but so loving and gentle that it took her breath away. In her mind again after weeks of absence. An agony Elrenia hardly realized she'd been feeling lifted with the words, _We will never leave you._ _I love you._

That was all she needed to go completely limp in Zafer's arms, a sort of serene calm washing over her body as the sobbing subsided, but the tears did not. Arlith said they would not leave her, and without a second thought she believed him. Arlith loved her, so he and Z'den would return.

That thought made it possible for Zafer and Radez to pull her into the safety of the house mere minutes before a full wing of dragons blinked into the skies above the hold, destroying the thread before it could touch ground. They'd timed it, Elrenia could feel it in her gut that they had, but that didn't matter. Why hadn't they come sooner? Why hadn't they been there to stop Z'den from getting hurt? It had happened before. Twice now the dragons saved her from the monstrous spores, but this time they didn't come quick enough.

An eternity past with Elrenia sitting on the floor by the front door, cradled in Zafer's trembling embrace, watching gray eradicated but bursts of orange red in he sky. When finally the threat past over them, a bronze settled on the ground, a man Elrenia vaguely recognized from Fort approaching the house to tell them that they'd send people to help clear the fields later that day. Apologizing for not being there sooner. Taking one look at Elrenia and knowing that something was wrong, especially when she stood and walked past him to the outside where she begged, _Koth. Come for me, please. Come._

_ Small one?_ the blue responded in a moment, appearing in the air above the hold, obviously worried by the girl's tone, opalescent eyes swirling a frantic yellow-orange. _What's the matter?_

"Elrenia?!" H'val called out, sliding swiftly from his dragons back at the look on the girl's face. "Why are you crying?"

The girl couldn't even speak, could barely breathe as sobs wracked her body again. But her mind was still working, spilling the story to Koth who whipped his head around in confusion, eyes melting into the bright red of panic just before he extended a leg for the girl to climb up. When her shaking limbs failed her, H'val pushed her the rest of the way up, climbing up behind her with every intention of stealing her away, listening in mounting horror as Koth explained the story to him.

"You… you almost got caught by thread? And Z'den—"

They blinked _between_ then without a word to Z'den's family, appearing in the sky above Benden a few agonizing heartbeats later. Both were expecting to be greeted by the mourning keens of the dragons but there was nothing. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary as they touched to the ground, and Koth whipped his head to where Arlith was sunning himself lazily on his ledge, bugling his confusion and receiving and irritated look in return. To where Z'den was striding out of the Weyr with a grin, and not so much as a scratch on him. No new scratches, anyway.

"Z'den?!" she cried out in confusion, sliding from Koth's back and stumbling when she tried to walk. How was he… how… how was he alive?

He looked so happy to see her, expecting good news with her return, but he falter when he got close enough to see her face. The horror there. The tears. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, lips trembling as his movements slowed and he stared.

How had this happened?

"What are you doing back?" he asked, smile fading into a confused expression as he got even closer still. When he noticed the blind panic in Koth's eyes. "Elrenia, what's happened? Is Alana okay? Elrenia?"

That was when it all made sense. The letter with the hauntingly familiar words, "It's time." Z'den's sudden appearance in the air though Arlith was not yet recovered enough to fly. Both of them without their scars. The empty space on Arlith's neck where Elrenia thought Z'den had been hugging the creature, he'd actually been shielding her body…

"You deadglow!" Elrenia shrieked the moment he got within arms reach of her, whipping one fist out to punch him straight in the chest.

The man stumbled back, looking distinctly confused for a moment before his eyes lit up with realization. He knew. He knew why she was angry, and he wasn't sure how to deal with the sudden situation. Pale cheeks flushed red then, and Elrenia was almost surprised that he was embarrassed. Why? Because she knew what he'd done? Because he'd done it at all? Because he was expecting her to be _grateful_?

Voice cracking she screamed, "You sharding _deadglow_." Reaching out to hit the man again, she knew any leeway her fury may have awarded her was lost when she burst into tears. It wasn't fair. Even though he was standing there in front of her, very much alive, and safe, the terror had not lifted from her chest. She should have been happy, but she was furious. No. Fury wasn't quite it. She was more than furious. There weren't enough words in all of Pern to describe how angry she was when she asked, "How… what… why would you _do_ something so _stupid_?!"

People were staring now, and Z'den reached forward to pull the girl close to him. To calm her. She resisted. She resisted like she wished she could have fought Ronomer that day on the Tall Hill, pushing forward with such force that the blonde man fell down. Green eyes stared at her in shock, and she tried to figure out what she could say. There was nothing that could explain her position. Nothing that could adequately describe the way her heart was beating so desperately. The way she couldn't stand still. The way she had to shift from foot to foot to keep herself grounded.

"I… I…" Words were refusing to come out. Oh, how she wanted to scream. She was still crying, and the crowd was shifting around nervously, not entirely sure what to do. Who's side should they be on? The fallen, injured man? The angry, sobbing woman? Neither? Both? What was she to say?

"Elrenia?" Lessa's voice, caught between anger at her treatment of Z'den and worry at the expression on her face. "Elrenia, what's going on here?"

"He's an idiot!" she snapped, choking on another sob. "You're an _idiot,_ Z'den. I've never met someone so… how… why would you…?"

"Elrenia, you know we don't accept vio—"

"I can't believe you!"

"Elrenia," Z'den tried to soothe the girl, concern written in every crease of his face, "I'm sorry, I didn't—"

"Shut up! You… don't even… I can't…" Trembling, the girl whispered, "Fardles," and fell to her knees in front of the man. Fisting the front of his shirt Elrenia pulled him forward, kissing him hard enough to take his breath away before she hissed, "If you _ever_ do something like that again I swear on the first egg you won't live to tell the Harpers. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," he breathed, eyes bright as he stared at her.

"I'll kill you myself, do you hear me?!"

"I do."

"Don't you _ever_ do something like that again!"

"As you wish."

A hand wrapped tentatively around the back of Elrenia's neck then, tugging her forward to press their lips together once more. If anyone dared hoot or holler at them, neither could bring themselves to care. Not when it was so easy to let the world melt away. While it was so easy to wrap themselves in the sensation of the other's arms. Never in her life had Elrenia loved anything quite so much as she loved Z'den right then, and she was more than content to exist in his embrace for the rest of her existence, until the sound of Lessa's voice broke them from their reprieve.

"You're going to tell me _exactly_ what just happened. And you're going to tell me now."

It took a few minutes for Elrenia to calm down enough to stand, even with Z'den's help, she was shaking so very badly. Somehow Lessa was blessedly patient as they made their way up to her Weyr, her all but fuming the entire way. The entire Weyr was in an uproar over her sudden fight with Z'den. Over the surprising show of violence, and then…

No one saw Elrenia was a sexual creature. No one thought of her as ever being, or wanting to be romantic with a person, but her kissing Z'den in the bowl completely upended that notion. In thirty seconds she changed nearly every thing the weyrfolk thought of her, and what's more she didn't care. She clutched Z'den's hand desperately the entire trip to the Queen's Weyr, and even after they were pointed to seats much to F'lar's surprise. Their fingers were entwined, and she absolutely refused to release him. Kept looking at him nervously, as though he'd suddenly disappear, and it would turn out he had gotten hurt again. He was going to die from his wounds.

The Weyrleader stared curiously at Elrenia's disheveled state, sharing a half concerned look with N'ton who was sitting there with a cup of klah. Whatever conversation they'd been having was over long before Lessa snapped, "_Now_, Elrenia."

"I… I don't—"

"We were lenient when you fought with Farraline," she snapped. "You both should have been punished further, but I knew there was more to the story there. You _attacked_ Z'den down there, a wounded man, and we do not accept that kind of violence—"

"Lessa—"

"There was thread at his Hold."

"Well, that answers my question," N'ton said, standing, excusing himself before rushing from the room without another word, blinking into _between_ with Lioth a moment later.

"Elrenia?"

"I… there was thread."

Carefully, calmly, F'lar laid a hand on Lessa's shoulder and said, "Start from the beginning."

So she did. About how Z'den sent her to the hold to help with the children while Alana was in labor. How the girl wasn't handling it well, and her brother went with her to gather wood. The thread. Z'den sweeping down to save her and getting wounded. The two sat silently, captivated by the story as Robinton walked into the room, waiting patiently against the far wall for the young woman to finish.

"You could have been a Harper," Robinton broke the silence for them, once the story was over, smiling warmly at the group. "I'm sorry to intrude."

"You could never intrude, Masterharper."

"I suppose." He took a seat as well then, leaning forward slightly to say, "Now, I _must_ know how you're here without wounds if Elrenia just saw you get scored, Z'den."

"Are you sure?" Z'den asked, looking almost worriedly at the group gathered. He looked distinctly uncomfortable, like a child caught sneaking an extra bubbly pie after Manora said no.

"Of course we're sure, you deadglow," Lessa snapped, still riled up by what just happened in the bowl. It was doubtful that the weyrfolk had yet calmed down. Doubtful that they would before they got the whole story, and what a story it was. "And you'd better have an _excellent_ explanation."

"I do," the man almost laughed, smiling softly at the girl still clutching his hand. He didn't seem particularly excited to talk, but when he asked if Elrenia could leave the room she hit him again.

"She deserves to know," Robinton reasoned immediately to defuse any further violence, and everyone but Z'den agreed.

So after a reluctant moment he said, "Well, let's start with the letter."

"'It's time'," Elrenia repeated the words, knowing they would haunt her for the rest of her life. "Part of the note in your pocket was missing, but I _watched_ Alan write it. Watched him give it to Fencer. I _sent_ Fencer to you."

There was silence for a moment, weighing heavily on Elrenia as she sensed something was wrong. She'd missed something. Something terrible. But nothing could have prepared her for the words, "You gave him the wrong location."

"Excuse me?"

"Rather…" Z'den looked over at Lessa, saw the horrified look on her face, and said, "You gave him the wrong _time_."

"I…"

"By the egg…"

No. No. That… no. It wasn't possible. That would make all of his injuries all her fault, more so than they already were, and she couldn't handle that. Simply couldn't handle the thought of almost killing Z'den. She… she'd sent Fencer to Benden just like she'd been told to. That… somehow the silly boy had gotten the wrong time, but that wasn't her fault! She gave him a clear image. The sun hitting the Weyr, the… the lake… before the hatching. The… the hatching she missed because…

"No…"

"It's okay, Elrenia."

"It's not okay." The woman shook her head, releasing her grip on his hands to raise her own to her face. Rubbing softly she stammered, "No. I… It…"

"It's okay."

"It _can't_ be okay."

"It _is_," he insisted, grabbing her hands away from her hair before she could take hold of it.

"You could have died." Elrenia's voice was deceptively low when she said it, eyes going glassy. "You almost died. I almost killed you."

"No, Elrenia, no. Don't say that."

"Arlith almost killed himself that day. He was getting ready to jump _between_ forever."

"But you saved him."

"And if I hadn't?"

Z'den's eyes were so full of emotion that Elrenia didn't know what to do. What could she do? It was her fault that the brown and his rider couldn't fly thread. It was her fault they almost died. It was her fault they faced such unbearable pain, and before she could disappear into herself Z'den tilted her face up to him, cupping her cheek gently.

"Don't you understand?" Running his thumb under her eye, he smudged the tears that gathered there. "Elrenia, this absolutely had to happen."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because then you never would have called me!" the man whispered the words, a fierceness in his eyes that Elrenia didn't recognize. "If you knew this is what would happen, you wouldn't have sent Fencer. You wouldn't have called on me. You wouldn't be… I needed to be there to save your life."

"But…" That hadn't occurred to her, though it was so obvious. She would have died if he hadn't been there to pull her away from the thread. If he hadn't shielded, and protected her. "How… you should have wound up at the hold in the past. Not… not now."

"We followed Fencer back. He insisted."

"He… he took you to the future?" It seemed impossible, but Lessa had done it. She'd traveled hundreds of years into the past and brought the oldtimers forward to save Pern. It seemed impossible that a tiny blue could do it, but they were so much like dragons. And if they were anywhere close to as loyal…

"When we saw you running from the edge…"

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm not."

"When you were wounded you went back to the time you came from," Lessa finished the story as the two stared at each other.

"Astounding," was Robinton's input then, smile brightening his features. "Well, I'm glad that both of you are alive and well. We all are. It's unfortunate that it came at such high a cost, but I believe your death would have been even worse. Don't you agree, F'lar?"

"Of course," the man nodded his head. "Z'den and Arlith will be up in the air again soon, so there was no permanent harm done."

"All is well."

"I…" It didn't sit well with Elrenia that she'd hurt her brownrider and his dragon, but she supposed Robinton was correct. They'd survived. They'd healed. If they hadn't saved her, she would have died, and Z'den never would have forgiven himself for sending her to the hold. "Thank you." Leaning forward to kiss the brownrider's cheek, she repeated, "Thank you."

"This cannot happen again," Lessa's voice, softer than before but stern all the same, broke the reverie. "We _do not_ allow that kind of behavior, Elrenia. That was not a simple punch between friends, you attacked Z'den in the bowl."

"I know, and I'm sorry." Eyes observing Z'den's face closely she said, "I didn't know what to do when I saw you. I thought you were off dying somewhere, but… but you were okay. You were just fine, and _smiling_, and I got so mad at you for scaring me like that."

"I promise to never do it again."

"Okay. I… okay." Elrenia looked over just in time to barely see the hint of a grin on Lessa's face before she schooled it into a half glower. They weren't in trouble. "I'm so sorry for causing such an uproar earlier. I'll go down and explain everything—"

"You'll stay here and speak to Robinton," the woman corrected her. "You're here for Elrenia, aren't you?"

"I am," the man agreed. "If you don't mind?"

"Of course not. Z'den, you and I will go down and explain everything. Elrenia, you stay here. F'lar, stop looking so smug."

"Yes, darling."

It didn't take very long for the room to clear, and Elrenia was expecting terrible news. But the Masterharper's grin didn't fade. Didn't wane. It was bright as the sun as he said, "I believe Lord Holder Raid is starting to come around," the words coupled with the smile were so disarming that she almost missed the stern look in his eyes.

The master harper looked as far from happy as a person could get, and Elrenia had to take a deep breath before saying, "There's a but in there somewhere. Raid is starting to come around _but_..."

"He wants to speak to Earral."

"Of course he does." And this wouldn't have been a problem except Elrenia couldn't very well ask the man to drop everything and travel across the continent—dragonback or not—to see a man that meant nothing to him. Asking Earral to stop working on his farm, and abandon his daughter just so that he could have a conversation with a man that was far more likely to continue ignoring the problem than he was to fix it was unfathomable.

"Robinton..."

"I know it's a hard thing to ask," he spoke honestly. "But I have an idea."

"Oh?"

"Arlith won't be able to fly thread for a while yet, but he should be able to travel short distances soon." Immediately Elrenia knew where this was going, but felt better hearing it in the Masterharper's voice. "If he takes short flights between here and your brother's hold, perhaps you and Z'den could care for it while Earral is away. It would give Arlith a chance to strengthen his wings, and allow your brother to travel."

An excellent plan. Flawless save for Z'den's abrupt, "No," when she asked him to accompany her.

"But Z'den—"

"I care for you a great deal Elrenia." That look in his eyes again, so soft even though his expression was firm. "But I will not play house with you."

"We wouldn't be—"

"Wouldn't we though?" the man sighed heavily, as though this was the hardest conversation he'd ever had to have. "Taking care of a hold and likely a child together? How is that not?"

"That's what we've been doing here too, Z'den." Elrenia didn't know why the man was being difficult. "The only difference being that here it's a Weyr not a hold."

"I said no."

"But this could convince Raid!" the man tensed slightly at these words, and Elrenia knew she had him. He'd watched her suffer for months. He'd seen her pain, and watched her heal. There was no way he would refuse her this, not when it could put an end to her nightmares. "This could be what sends him on the hunt for Ronomer."

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_**So, I, uh, may have stretched canon there a little with the timing thing. Sorry (no I'm not). But it just came together so beautifully when I realized my original idea wasn't going to work at all!**_


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